Stress, Communication & Relationships ~ A Glimpse Into My Life Processes With Each
I recently had the honor of answering some questions as part of a survey to provide insight for a friend’s book in process of being written.
The topic is such a prevalent and recurring theme that I thought I’d share my answers here to provide some perspectives that might support others, as well as give you a little window and inside look at me, as I share some insight into my own life and how I’ve learned to process it for myself and within my relationship.
What’s the topic, you ask?
Well…stress, of course!
So many are plagued by stress in their lives and it can be debilitating if you don’t learn how to manage and process it in your life.
There are many ways to support you with managing and shifting your relationship with stress like energy work, counseling, coaching, massages and body work, exercise, yoga, healthy releasing, crystals, self-nurturing, slowing down, etc.
I provide some of my own below.
Here are the questions and my answers following in red.
What is stress to you?
Stress for me is creating ideas of what I think I need to be doing rather than following the flow of what is in my heart. Stress feels to be a way that we self-sabotage ourselves and allow ego conditioning to override our intuitive nudges. Stress is the stories we tell ourselves and what we allow ourselves to believe. It’s foreign to our nature, which is why it wreaks havoc on our bodies to go against what we feel.
What’s the first situation that comes to mind that would make you feel really stressed, that you have to encounter regularly?
When I have a lot of things and stimuli coming at me all at once.
Are you able to pinpoint why these things make you feel stressed?
Because they over-tax my sensitivities and I get overwhelmed with the immediate reaction of “how will I get it all done?” from the place of conditioned ideas. The idea of feeling overpowered by external things in that moment, rather than immediately realizing I control my response by the perspectives I have and the choices I make. Once I remind myself and step back into observer mode, I’ve learned that my process is to then retract within and feel into my natural energy, which isn’t the “stuff” around me. And then focusing on just one thing at a time, only looking to the immediate in front of me, and asking myself what is really important and what really isn’t. Stepping back into my essence and power, knowing that what is important to do will get done and the rest simply wasn’t important.
What are your top things to do to relieve stress?
Time spent with my rabbits, in nature, listening to music, doing my own sound healing, dancing, stepping back and going within to remember what is me and not me – what is my energy and not my energy, talking through it with myself and understanding my processes, communicating with someone dear to me to allow my energy to move through me, writing.
Relationships – Questions for Partnered Ladies
What are your main frustrations in your relationship?
Actually most of the frustration will stem from stress that one or the other might feel and THEN we can get easily triggered. This used to be very challenging when we didn’t have good communication or didn’t understand in the heated moments of stress how to support one another through it rather than take it personally. Now we do realize this so when it comes up we are able to have a healthy dialogue once we take a moment and realize what is really happening and it’s not about either of us. But it takes stepping out of ego even when things could easily go another way.
What are the main ways you feel your guy does not understand you?
He tends to operate more logically and I’m more about intuition and feeling, with belief based on an inner knowing rather than proof. So it can be challenging for him to understand my processes with things or how I feel so strongly about things that can’t be seen, but it’s simply because this is something he, himself, is working on incorporating more of into his life, as he really IS very intuitive and is in the process of cultivating that. So it’s just that it isn’t a regular experience for him yet. Just as I’ve had to learn to harness the gifts of both sides of the brain in a healthy partnership that knows when each is valuable and can support one another, bringing in wise discernment. So it’s just another way for ego not to get in the way of taking things personally or feeling like one has to defend or prove something, and to continue to be compassionate toward the places we are individually, and learning from each other the value of each perspective and approach.
When you have a communication breakdown, what are your strategies for resolving that?
We have made commitments to working as a team and seeing the relationship as teamwork that has the same goals and so we focus on finding the connective thread with what each of us is feeling or wanting to accomplish or express. When we see that our intentions are shared, we can then find a way together to bring both of our strengths to the table to get there. We also make efforts to really listen and be more present rather than being in our heads and trying to come up with a reactive thought when the other is expressing themselves. If one person is upset then that’s when we take turns being the one to hold the center for the other. Doing our best not to allow ourselves to take things personally or attack back, which is a reactive approach of defense that has been learned. Instead, we communicate from a place of saying things from the perspective of the other person…like “this is what I’m hearing you say” rather than projecting our thoughts. It truly is a journey and commitment to do this and sometimes it’s easier and quicker than others. Definitely hasn’t always been this way, but we have come a long way and the result is an enriched and deepened relationship because of the work we’ve committed to doing together. Relationships that have gone through challenges and have been able to work through things together can be some of the strongest, most beautiful, and loving partnerships. Having things always smooth, easy, and looking like some idea of “perfection” doesn’t necessarily equate to that.