Monthly Archives: May 2016
I’ve been keeping myself as centered as possible, and doing my best to rebalance when off, in order to have the energy to take care of the challenges of life that flow in and out. Our travels and potent experiences have continued through Colorado and our way of life has asked us to be as fluid as Nature. The closer I get to her, the more I understand these natural rhythms.
When last I left off we had just arrived in the Pueblo area of Colorado. This was a mellow, more transitory stop for us to integrate, buckle down in, and also relax and unwind.
That proved valuable, as there have been trying times since, with the health of both bunnies, a lot of energetic shifts alongside their care that have been wearing on me (I learned that there has been 289x more radiation/radioactivity this week in Colorado Springs while here than there usually is), and so I’ve been more drained and needing rest to integrate it all and go through the potent transmutation.
Life will always have its challenges and the best we can do is to flow with it, realize that they are a natural part of life, and remember to nurture ourselves in order to stay balanced and in order to continue to have the energy to give.
That can be tough when you feel the demand of many things at once, but ultimately you can pinpoint what truly is most important to be placing your energy and time into, as the rest can wait.
Being someone that in the past has taken on the world, I’ve learned that the world does fine on its own and so I can focus on what’s here and now that is calling most loudly.
I’ll share more about the challenges Joy is facing, as it is still ongoing and without anything definitive right now.
In the meantime, I have focused on the beautiful things in my life, the things to be grateful for, have nourished myself in Nature, been taking each day at a time, seeing the hidden gifts in it all, and even pampered myself with things like a massage and getting a manicure and pedicure – which I never do, but needed with all my outdoor time in sandals.
So it is the beauty and inspiration that I’d like to share in this post, as that is where I derive much of my energy and support, which Nature so generously supplies. She also has the gift of recharge, which you can embrace at any moment.
The best things are free and abundant!
I’m so grateful for all of the support She is providing, which continues to show up in the dance of light and energy in photos.
I was even gifted a massage therapist that is a Reiki practitioner (unbeknownst to me until he started the massage). Almost any time I do get a massage I always seem to attract therapists that are Reiki trained – like a moth to a flame. So I received some Reiki support and was pleasantly surprised that he also was cosmically connected, as at the end of my session the room turned into one of the rooms I’ve experienced in my dream travels, and his hands became that of an extraterrestrial, with others around me all working on me.
There’s been some definite support coming through and I’m filled with loving gratitude.
Equally so for all of the continued amazing experiences we are having and for being guided to all of the perfect reflections of Nature’s beauty and nurturing that is aligned with us.
So with that I’d like to just share some of the photos of this beauty so you, too, can experience the healing and inspiration.
To help in identifying what you’re seeing, here is a brief run down.
The photos you see below are from the River Walk in Pueblo, then the rest are in Colorado Springs of Seven Falls (included on National Geographic’s list of international wonders with 224 steps to climb alongside the 181 foot cascade of water dancing from granite face to granite face in seven leaps in a 1250 foot wall box canyon), hiking trails and banks of streams surrounding Seven Falls, Garden of the Gods (which we experienced in the haunting ambiance of lightning and thunder, as if the Gods themselves had spoken), the portal of the Siamese Twins in the Garden (representing the synergy and integration of the twin energy within each of us, as well as mirrored without, of that sacred male and female in unity), Green Mountain Falls where we explored Catamount Falls and Crystal Falls ending at a lake filled with geese and baby goslings, Manitou Cliff Dwellings and the outlying area of the Cave of the Winds, Seven Bridges of North Cheyenne Canon Park, and stunning view of Pikes Peak daily from our home site and from everywhere we went.
We are now beginning a new week in Golden, Colorado and have quite the line up while here for exploring outlying areas, as well as managing things with Joy’s condition and appointments upcoming.
I’ll be continuing to do my best to balance life and feel some videos will be coming, as much has been percolating to share and it’s an easier way for me to do so.
Sending much love to each of you and wishing you sweet balance in your life.
I’m so grateful these two have each other to see them through rough times and to cherish during all times.
After having seen Cosmo through his recent challenges, Joy has her own to face right now, and it’s such a gift to see them balance that support between them, which helps mom too.
Having two elder bunnies: Cosmo 10 and Joy 12, these are precious moments that remind me of what’s truly important and of love’s eternal beingness.
What feelings does this bring up when you surrender into the depth of its meaning?
“True spirituality is not a high, not a rush, not an altered state. It has been fine to romance it for a while, but our times call for something far more real, grounded, and responsible; something radically alive and naturally integral; something that shakes us to our very core until we stop treating spiritual deepening as something to dabble in here and there.
Authentic spirituality is not some little flicker or buzz of knowingness, not a psychedelic blast-through or a mellow hanging-out on some exalted plane of consciousness, not a bubble of immunity, but a vast fire of liberation, an exquisitely fitting crucible and sanctuary, providing both heat and light for the healing and awakening we need.
Most of the time when we’re immersed in spiritual bypassing, we like the light but not the heat. And when we’re caught up in the grosser forms of spiritual bypassing, we’d usually much rather theorize about the frontiers of consciousness than actually go there, suppressing the fire rather than breathing it even more alive, espousing the ideal of unconditional love but not permitting love to show up in its more challenging, personal dimensions.
To do so would be too hot, too scary, and too out-of-control, bringing things to the surface that we have long disowned or suppressed. But if we really want the light, we cannot afford to flee the heat. As Victor Frankl said, “What gives light must endure burning.” And being with the fire’s heat doesn’t just mean sitting with the difficult stuff in meditation, but also going into it, trekking to its core, facing and entering and getting intimate with whatever is there, however scary or traumatic or sad or raw.”
~Robert Augustus Masters
I’ve shared this quote before, but I feel it’s worth a reshare.
Since I’m not posting on any regular basis anymore, I’ll do my best to share some of the highlights of where we’ve been, the energy shifts that have taken place, and any insights or inspirations that have occurred, as it’s always powerful to share reflections for one another so we can find those connective threads and take this wild ride together.
Amidst this time period we’ve also had some powerful energies that have been either challenging or supportive depending upon the individual journey, but always rich with potential. This has included a very potent Full Moon in a sign I love because it feels very native to me with having my Moon in Sagittarius.
This Full Moon in Sagittarius helps illuminate a deeper desire for embodying purity of heart, unveils with greater clarity, reveals more truth, and urges us on to experience more freedom and balance in our lives.
This has been taking place during the slow down of the retrograde that asks of us to embrace what is before us and shift our perspectives so that all of this can increasingly take root.
That’s exactly what my own experience has been like…a lot of slowing down and clearing while listening to the truth within that reveals to me what is most important and aligned to be doing and how to integrate what comes up to experience a natural freedom and expansion into essence.
We continue to explore some incredible and diverse areas, mirroring the inner landscape of incredible and diverse processes, each so uniquely beautiful and deeply rich with gifts.
Since I last left you we’ve continued our Colorado journey and have been to Montrose where we explored the magick and contrast of light and shadow energies at Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park. Here I discovered the crystalline rich environment, as every step was filled with sparkly rocks and raw crystals, we were surrounded by frolicking rabbits, ventured into very Faery realms, integrated the value of nature’s cycles of life and death, were in awe by the vertical temple-like walls of this dark canyon – truly my favorite canyon so far, as it was a meeting of light and dark in its finest and so elevating through its shadowy realm of great mystery, and came to greater peace along the river bed where stillness was loudly resounding. The canyon has marbled walls too and its very own dragon naturally painted into its essence. We hiked and biked daily, and even had some fun playing mini golf at our RV park.
Then we were off to the Villa Grove area where we renewed ourselves in the mineral hot springs of Valley View Hot Springs. This is an incredible non-profit owned by the Orient Land Trust that allows you to fully immerse in nature – clothing optional – and discover this rustic diverse and peaceful ecosystem that is like you’re in your own world away from it all. Here we explored the wilderness trails that lead through an old mining town with ruins and artifacts all along the way, as well as take you to the mouths of the mines and one that is a bat cave now where 250,000 male bats migrate to each year. There’s even a raptor preserve to explore. We spent evenings from sunset to starlit night soaking in the natural and pure hot spring ponds, geothermally and hydroectrically heated hot tubs, and enjoyed the sauna, which has its own spring inside to cool off in. My favorite part was right as the sun set each evening and the fireflies would come out at our favorite pond just around the edge of it along the rocks and in the green brush. It was the most magickal thing ever. Faery enchantment indeed within the silence and purifying into essence. We floated in silence, eyes closed, and senses alive, just being. Our site sat atop the hill overlooking the expansive valley and deer would surround the land around us and join us on hikes.
While staying at Valley View Hot Springs we had the opportunity to visit Crestone at the base of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, which is known as the Shambala of the Rockies and a vortex area of Colorado. It’s a very mystical spiritual center that draws in people on spiritual pilgrimages, as it is home to dozens of spiritual organizations and retreat centers. I’d actually not heard of it until a dear friend of mine told me about it – things show up when the timing is right – and so we decided to explore it for a day. For whatever reason, the day we went it was almost like a ghost town…only one restaurant was open and operating, and it was quiet, which added to feeling like we were in another reality and dimension all of our own. I’d looked into a couple of places to explore, calling around as well, which led us through the town following hand written directions I’d been given. We passed interesting dwellings, some with giant crystals and sacred gardens out front, and came to a spiritual center with labyrinth to walk. Then we went up the mountain to one of the Tibetan Buddhist retreat centers – Karma Thegsum Tashi Gomang, which is the highest end point of centers you’ll pass along the drive up. One after another Tibetan flags will lead the way and you discover these hidden centers nestled in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. Karma Thegsum Tashi Gomang has a Stupa sitting atop the hill overlooking the valley. We spent time there and walked around it ten times, silently chanting a mantra over and over and being in pure openness, then sat on a bench in front of it setting new intentions. The day was a very odd day with many odd happenings, which added to feeling “in the vortex” and we felt we’d received exactly what was needed in the time spent there and once we were done at the Stupa it began to rain, cleansing and refreshing into the newness as we headed back to our mineral springs home to soak in and integrate the magick.
And lastly, we’ve been in Mosca where we’ve been exploring the Great Sand Dunes National Park. We hiked through Mosca Pass Trail along the creek where butterflies kept dancing around me (disappearing when anyone would approach) and I even discovered a pair mating on the path before me – very potent medicine all around!), along with the most luminous cosmically ethereal cactus blossoms that completely mesmerized me. We also enjoyed the nature trails and many deer once again. Hiked to the enchanting Zapata Falls where we had to balance across rocks in the creek and make our way into the cavern to experience the rushing fresh water alongside icy falls. And climbed over 700 feet of sand dunes receiving a natural exfoliation from the high winds and playing in the dunes racing down them, or in Dave’s case, jumping like a little antelope, throwing himself, and rolling down them. I saw several Peregrine Falcons, one of which came swooping low above me screeching good morning, as I stepped out of the RV – a powerful way to greet the day!
We just arrived in our new home of Pueblo yesterday, where we’ll be just for a few days, and upon arrival went out to visit the incredible and impressive Bishop Castle, which I definitely recommend reading about here, as it’s truly quite a story: Bishop Castle. Love the dream he had and saw through, however the heights and wild stairs, along with the bridges of iron at crazy heights (I think the equivalent of 16 stories) and iron, see-through platform walks around the outside really had me on edge while walking and exploring it. We also hiked part of St. Charles Trail along a creek about 3 miles from the castle and walked Lake Isabel to explore our new surroundings. A welcome visit by a Bald Eagle circling the lake ended our day beautifully.
The experiences are constantly shifting and drastically different from moment to moment. This includes the weather shifts we experience and the last few days have included crazy – and I mean CRAZY – winds that pick up as the evening and night approaches. They were so wild (feeling like 50 mph) it shook our RV like an earthquake and when out in the day in the sand dunes, you’d be covered in sand – my back and back of my calves would feel like they were getting a combo of aggressive acupuncture and deep pebble massage. Lol!
So far, this morning they have ceased.
But I will say, the gritty, Earthiness of it all was very grounding and supported that body consciousness of really being “in-body” while experiencing the raw beauty of the physical.
And the wild winds definitely felt like another sweeping away of more layers into the new after all of the shadow processing, cleansing, and renewal.
It’s a continual journey that mirrors the cycles of Nature and consistently offers new potentials and horizons to explore with every door closed and opened.
During this time I’ve pulled more within, as you know, which has been interesting to see how that reflects.
I’ve received a number of requests recently for some of the services I used to offer like sacred tattoo designs and teaching Reiki, but once again it’s been a mirror of how much I’ve been transforming, as we always call up the things we leave behind, which indicates we are rooting in the new.
It has also been a good gauge of seeing how I feel and respond, as at first it was more challenging internally when you are first letting go of things, to say no and honor what is important for you. Whereas I now see and experience it as a natural process and that is quite empowering, as well as indicative of the changes I’ve integrated. It’s also pretty big stuff for a boundless Pisces to feel at home doing.
I’ve also gotten back to my writing, which has been awesome, to say the least. It’s amazing how good you feel when you’re in your zone and aligning with the energy currently moving through you. Immersing in my creative world is so deeply satisfying and I’m back to having my writing be an extension of me always, as even while I’m hiking I’m receiving inspiration and writing, and when we drive somewhere I’m writing notes in pen on the palms of my hand so I don’t forget. 🙂
And I love how it’s opened my next project, which is an off shoot of it, so that I’m now actively creating two things simultaneously in the process of immersing in one and it’s happened naturally without making it so.
I love that.
There’s no need to manipulate, force, worry about when and how things will happen. When embracing the current energy stream moving through, it just all unfolds seamlessly. And that was interesting to experience happening, as I did actually wonder how it would.
I got my answer in the doing and allowing myself to surrender into what was just here right now.
The more I experience on this journey, the more I can feel and actually see myself transforming.
It shows up in photos taken. It shows up in the experiences reflected.
Violet light has been around and the light within me seems to be emanating more.
There’s been such a great celebration and relief in surrendering into the nature of me.
Feeling so comfortable in my skin and body, in general and with just how it is at all times.
And loving all processes of aging gracefully, as I watch my dear rabbit loves doing so.
I feel like we’re partnering in that dance together and they have affirmed to me and mirrored what a natural and wonderful experience it can be, despite some of the things or challenges that it also brings along, as they teach us of the gift within it all.
I’ve been feeling the mystic quality and peace of settling into ancient me.
So while I’m more alive than ever, feeling the glow, and in more of my childlike wonder and innocence, I’m simultaneously integrating that with embrace of the beauty and life force within my totality of experience as a soul.
This goes back to my loving dichotomies and feeling like a walking dichotomy, which to me is about walking the middle path of duality and understanding the power of that integration….being both maiden and crone at once.
So things like seeing so many silvers emerging on my crown – which is opening so much more these days – feels so beautiful, mirroring of the shifts, and as if I’m lightening into grace and it’s reflecting that lifting of veils and blossoming into a purity of experience beyond definition.
And this makes me happy…and settling into that embodiment feels divine – without personal need to have it be anything different or try to change it, which would feel like a judgment about my unique expression and soul signature at this point in my life.
I love the child me that is playful and easily awed.
I love the ancient me that journeys and visions within the sage caves of eternity.
And they live and emanate in purity, grace, and harmony together within and without.
Earth and Cosmos has never felt more as One.
Personal sovereignty, creative power, and free will are just some of the gifts innately available to you. Yet, how much of them do you truly exercise in your life? Maintaining the integrity of your personal frequency is true empowerment and something to reflect upon when you enter into a group dynamic of any kind that you may decide to be in, so that you don’t lose yourself to popular persuasion. I wrote a long blog article on this topic titled, “Oneness is Not Sameness – The Integrity of Your Personal Frequency Within the Group Dynamics” a couple of years ago that explores this in more depth and felt important to reshare today. You’ll find the link below.
What are your feelings about organized groups, whether a group that resonates with you or not? This is an interesting topic that, like with anything, doesn’t have a black or white answer. And for me, in fact, it’s quite gray and something to explore further, as well as be mindful of. However, I would like to share my personal feelings and experiences simply as a dialogue and way to perhaps expand perceptions.
I’ve heard and seen so much, especially recently, that has driven home to me why from as far back as I can remember as a child, I have always been put off by organized group mentality, even when it is in support of things I believe strongly in and that have uplifting and empowering intentions.
I have always been one to cherish my personal free will and ability to be myself, without answering to others, nor feeling…
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Today being Cosmo’s 10th birthday, I couldn’t not share a blog post update, as I honor and love him so much and his sacred male energy he embodies. It’s amazing how much he mirrors me, right down to having a #3 life path like mom and although he’s in a #4 year starting today and I’m in a #1 year, his being 10 years old mirrors a new cycle and beginning along with mom yet again.
We just celebrated this morning with a turmeric filled raspberry as a birthday cake, of which Joy received her own raspberry to share in the yum.
This is his second birthday we’ve had the opportunity to celebrate with him and already nearing on one and a half years soon of his being a part of the family.
So many blessings he has brought since the first day of his arrival.
I’m grateful for all of the loving thoughts and healing energy that has been shared to help him through all of his physical challenges and the latest one, which is also the reason for this update.
Many of you have asked how he is and so I wanted to share the good news and relief.
I ended up taking him to another vet where we were in our new location of Montrose, as his sneezing hadn’t subsided. He’d finally shown signs of getting better, but then suddenly was having attacks of 30-40 sneezes at a time, which concerned me.
Again, I was so lucky to find a great doctor who knew rabbits and was so kind and took all the time in the world to help.
I’d spoken to the doctor at the previous vet who had given a few routes to go at this point, which the new doctor agreed with upon seeing him.
Cosmo was given a full exam and upon doing so the doctor shared that he looked and felt healthy in all ways. His breathing and heart all sounded good and he didn’t hear any congestion anymore, which the previous doctor had upon first taking him in when this all started. This indicated his pneumonia was gone.
A couple of things came through on examining him though, which weren’t surprises.
One of which was that he’s developing cataracts. I’d just in the last week started noticing his eye coloring shifting from dark black to a bluish white slightly when light hit at center.
Anyway, one eye had a whiter web like area, more than the other, but his eyes are healthy and he isn’t blind at this time. Blindness may be developing, which is just age taking form, so eventually he may go blind like Joy. For now, the doctor said his eye sight would be like if you threw white paint on a glass window.
We decided to take the least invasive approach to look further into any possibilities so that we felt better and that was to do some mild xrays rather than a culture through his nose and throat which he would need to be sedated for.
He showed the xrays to me and he couldn’t find anything in them indicating anything to be concerned about, which would be like white spots in the lungs, etc.
His organs all looked healthy and normal.
The only thing that did show up, which was the second thing that came up in his visit was the bad arthritis in his spine and shoulders, which we already knew he had, but it continues to develop and increase with age.
The doctor suggested adding a form of glucosamine blend he’s had good results with to his Metacam pain relief I give him to also help with inflammation, because it is likely very painful and will increase. I’d noticed his sensitivity along his spine and it again is due to age and his injury, where the bones in the spine split and get jagged, then the growth caps the ends, which fuses the bones. Hard to explain, but for anyone, let alone a fragile rabbit, it’s painful stuff.
But all of this is the normal aging process, but he’s a healthy aging bunny, just like Joy.
After all, they are doing quite well in terms of long lives where rabbits are concerned – him being 10 and Joy 12. The vets always tell me I must be doing something right since they don’t see that that much. 8 – 12 in optimal conditions is their life span, but that doesn’t happen much since rabbits require specific care and diligence. The doctor in Durango told me the longest living bunny he’d seen was 18….so anything is possible.
Anyway, the doctor didn’t feel the need for any concern at this time with the sneezing, as there isn’t indication of anything he can find and since his behavior hasn’t changed and his eating and eliminating is all good and hasn’t changed, then there’s no cause for alarm.
The rabbit’s digestion, GI tract, and eating is the most important aspect to their health.
So he’s thinking it could be that he developed allergies from sensitivities (I’d mentioned that I started to notice that when I put him in his hay to eat he would sneeze right away, then that continued to increase into big sneezing attacks at any time) and that there may have possibly been a defective batch of hay with mold, which happens.
Then, being sensitive, like mom, he was affected and could have developed a mild case of pneumonia from that with his immune system down and inflamed. That would indicate why his week of meds took care of the pneumonia and cleared his lungs, but that he is still sneezing and can get nasal. But he has no discharge from the eyes, nose, or ears, so none of the things like Pasteurella were affecting him.
So, he suggested I do a thorough cleaning of everything – bedding, litter box, get rid of the hay and start a new hay bag, give everything a big spring cleaning and see if it goes away, which could take a couple of weeks.
He said he could give me antibiotics if that makes me feel better, but he didn’t suggest it, as it isn’t the best to give them, and I agreed I’d rather not go that route and see if he just gets over it with the changes.
He hadn’t gotten worse, so that was good. And yet he hadn’t fully gotten better. It was the lingering that I didn’t want to chance since rabbits are so fragile and respiratory things can be fatal.
So I did the big cleaning and that has seemed to have hugely shifted things for him.
I have only heard a tiny sneeze here and there and one sneeze attack, but overall it’s continued to diminish and like the doctor said, it could take a couple of weeks.
Or, he may have developed an allergy in general to hay, which I will monitor, and then other protocol would need to be tried like moistening or steaming his hay a bit to get rid of the dryness. Hopefully that won’t be necessary, as right now he’s doing better, but if I don’t see the sneezing completely dissipate, I’ll definitely try a different brand of hay, then go to more drastic things like the steaming possibility.
Hay is the most important part of the rabbit’s diet, so it can’t be eliminated.
In the interim I had started him back up on his Echinacea and turmeric and adding in the stuff for his joints the doctor gave me. And of course lots of Reiki and love.
I’ll keep you posted on how things evolve.
I feel much better knowing that he got through the pneumonia and that he may just be sensitive like mom with allergies to odd things.
I’ll keep monitoring him and Joy, as I do. I may end up with two blind aging, sensitive bunnies and hopefully they just continue to age gracefully.
I’ve joked, but it’s true….it’s a full time bunny elderly home here. As I’ve mentioned before, it is a total commitment to caring for and making an animal companion part of your family.
What does that look like here?
Every other day changing all the floor bedding with two loads of laundry, litter box and water/goji changing daily, three different feedings a day, meds and holistic things twice a day for both, constant cleaning throughout the day and checking on them, moving Cosmo to his food and water throughout the day and feeding him his cecotropes, bathing and drying him once day, therapy for his legs, and 2-3 checks every night to help get Cosmo to his food, water and feed him his cecotropes.
I do it all with love and no regrets or complaining.
All I desire for both of them is just that…peace as they age normally without major challenges. I often intend and ask that when their time is here that they just fall asleep, but it is not up to us how things will evolve, as nature has its process and there is a natural cycle to all things, as well as purpose soulfully chosen.
That was very clear the day before I took Cosmo to the vet and we experienced both the most magickal time with rabbits out on our hike AND the most traumatizing.
It reiterated that as hard as we try, there just are things and reasons beyond our comprehension that simply are part of those cycles and while we may want to intervene, judge them, and have attachments to desired outcomes, there is divine perfection that will always take place despite all efforts otherwise.
Cosmo’s path is unknown and when and where that leads will never be expected, although can be supported.
Right now is all there is and the choice of how to perceive each moment with fight or unconditional compassion.
This was reflected in our experience that day where we saw the most rabbits ever.
They were not scared, just hanging out, running around playing, and exhibiting such life, joy, and vibrancy. There were even two at once, reminding me of Joy and Cosmo, that were jumping and playing together.
And then on our drive out of the park – Black Canyon of the Gunnison – the opposite of the spectrum took place.
I was looking at something in my lap at the time so I didn’t see anything until after, but our car suddenly swerved like crazy and when I looked up, we were nearly off the road. Apparently a rabbit had run out on the road and Dave tried his hardest to avoid it. I glanced in my rear view mirror of the passenger side and saw it laying in the road. I covered my eyes in tears and felt the pain of the impact, as if it were my own.
Dave drove back to see if there was anything we could do, but it was too late. I couldn’t bring myself to look, as I felt I’d seen it already within that intense feeling that came over me.
It was traumatizing, as I said, for both of us and we drove home in silence after I assured Dave it was not his fault…me with silent tears streaming down, sending the rabbit Reiki for peace and asking Nestor to see it home, while also understanding the mystery that is always divinely unfolding.
I reflected a long time on all of the meanings of this and came up with many messages, including how seeing all of the rabbits and the full circle experience with them mirrored the exact timing of a big commitment to a path and a change implemented directly in connection with this in my life that needed a deeper knowing in order to move forward.
But one of those messages was also just as I shared earlier.
That the nature of things is life and death. There are endings and beginnings to all things and this is the natural law and cycle.
While we can do everything in our power to try to avoid something, there is simply a flow…a dance…of consciousness that knows better.
This sweet rabbit who moved on was helping me/us to reach deeper and work through more acceptance of the inevitable.
All I can do is offer my love and devoted care to seeing that my little ones have all that they could possibly have to help their journey in the way that is theirs to choose.
The rest is out of my hands and as it is meant to be.
I will give my all to make that as harmonious as possible in all ways, including through being there for them, rather than thinking only of my own emotional needs.
They will be able to make those choices more clearly without my interference.
And while that doesn’t mean I won’t have feelings and move through what ever comes up, it does mean that I can release them more freely in a way that celebrates the process of just being and a natural cycle moving through.
Interestingly, last night I had what seems to be a linked dream.
In it, my last parakeet I had while living in Sedona back in my mid twenties came to me.
I haven’t had any messages from her since her passing.
She was pure white with aqua patches at both sides of her cheeks – beautifully unmistakable.
Her name was Iris – from Greek mythology – goddess of the rainbow and messenger of the gods.
And in the my dream she was in fact coming to me with a message from beyond.
She morphed back and forth between her little parakeet form and a large white cockatoo-like bird, which felt like another version of her embodiment when she has been with me in other times.
She showed me a tiny terrarium that had some faery flowers in it and what seemed like ashes of both her and Nestor in it or perhaps just simply their essence – like a sacred mini vessel that was very alive and in this time capsule in the etheric realm that carried their essence eternally.
She then spoke to me telepathically and said something to the effect of, “it’s time to let it all go now” and I knew she was both literally referring to the ashes of Nestor that I have and all that they represent, but also symbolically saying to release all of the limiting versions of life that humans hold.
I woke knowing that there was even greater depth to her appearance and message, much of it rooting in the subconscious, but still integrating.
And I knew that Nestor’s ashes would be leaving me, as I had felt they would except for the little bit in my tiny pendant bottle of emerald green heart chakra glass, for now…almost like that tiny terrarium in the dream.
And yet, at some point it may all go, as like all of life and all consciousness, they are within me/us – no separation and no loss…just eternal being.
Iris came with her message from the beyond, to help me move through another layer of understanding the ancient limitless soul and the true bond that lives on timelessly.
Both she and the rabbit that moved on that day on our drive back from seeing the frolicking rabbits, were helping with this bigger picture I’ve been focused on and that would be key to my writing that has been evolving.
A long way to share this beautiful day of celebration and reverence for Cosmo and all that he embodies.
And yet it is all tied together.
Today I celebrate his life and natural cycles.
I celebrate his strong and loving spirit that keeps him going despite all odds.
I celebrate his eternal being and presence, and the boundless stream of love that runs through us now and always.
I celebrate his soul path and the choices he makes.
I celebrate our union, his bond with Joy, and the love he not only gives all of us, but that he has received like never before because of the journey he’s chosen.
You continue to teach me so much in every way, but especially about living without limits, as although your body is small, fragile, and special, you continue to fulfill your path, greet each day with open arms, make the impossible possible, and give love in unlimited abundance.
No matter where your path leads our hearts will be the bridge.
I love you Cosmo and am grateful your choices included a dance with me.
I will always be right HERE with you.
Thought this might be helpful for many of you and it goes along with my previous video share: Hunkering Down Into Essence & Being
As we prepared to leave this incredible little mountain town haven, known to some as the Switzerland of America, nestled between the snow capped San Juan Mountains (a mountain range within the Rocky Mountains) in a river valley at nearly 8,000 feet, I’m feeling the rooting of another shift and the opening of that new door that has invited me in.
This is the first time I feel a bit of sadness to leave a place (yet full in heart), as although we’ve only been here three days, Ouray has been the epitome of our nurturing Mother Earth reflecting the realm I adore that is most reflective of the world from which my roots grow.
It has definitely been a place of relaxing and purifying, as well as opening to receiving the communication and inspiration from that magickal otherworld I needed.
The natural hot springs that feed the town pool at center, offer the therapeutic cleansing and renewal to wash away and release so that one can receive more clearly the messages and callings.
Ouray is named after the Ute Indian, Chief Ouray, who is said to have visited the pool often, holding ceremonies in the local vapor cave.
The area is surrounded by quaking aspen and evergreen scrub oaks, which I can only imagine would be amazingly brilliant in autumn, so it’s no wonder people would be drawn here in each wonderfully shifting season.
Since we came in between seasons (seems fitting to the in between worlds I will speak of more), arriving just as things opened – May 1st was the official RV park opening – it created a sanctuary of solitude to renew in and explore all to ourselves. Not to mention, was a perfect transition from one reality to another.
And with the on and off rain, river, and waterfalls, it has been pure flow that matches my Pisces nature, bringing me more into alignment with my essence.
As we keep a mental, heart, (and actual paper) note of the things we love and how we feel in each area, this place helps me to know clearly what I am looking for and needing in our home landing spot at the end of this journey.
There is definitely a sacredness here in Ouray that speaks to that other worldly part of me that felt closer to that realm with doorways all around to slip in and out of.
And that in fact happened on several occasions, but most tangibly when Black Fox slipped through.
I mentioned her in a previous post, and shared photos in yesterday’s photo blog, but I feel to draw attention to her once again here briefly, as she ties in to the messages received and a Tarot card I pulled yesterday that summed things up for me.
Seeing and connecting with Black Fox was a mystical encounter that still brings chills to me each time I look at the photos I was able to capture of her.
She ran directly across our path – a path, mind you, that we had first taken, but then doubled back to take a different one, as the one we were on we discovered would have added another hour or two, to our already 6 miles, that we decided we couldn’t do in order to get back for things. The trail says it’s only 4.2 miles, but that turned out to be misleading, as it wasn’t the full loop.
Anyway, we had started ascending again to the last part of the loop when we decided to turn around and right before getting back to the other trail where it forked, that’s when Black Fox caught our attention by crossing our path. A meeting created by our shifting paths at precisely the right moment.
I figured she’d run off, as they normally hide and camouflage themselves. And being night creatures, usually are seen at dawn and dusk, so in the middle of the day was unusual.
But when I looked to the right, there she was by a tree, curiously hanging out and not in the least bit interested in leaving. The more we looked at her and connected, the more she sat there and peered into our eyes.
She was so magickal and hauntingly beautiful with those piercing eyes peering from her all black body with only a white-tipped tail. Her fine features and large pointed ears stood out, as she watched from the shadows of her tree.
As mentioned in my earlier post, they are very rare and said to be a genetic flaw that dates back hundreds of years where the red fox stays black (pups are darker when born).
She was mesmerizing and definitely other worldly with a subtle aura glow all around her.
This was no chance experience, but a deliberate encounter from this shape shifter who had emerged from another realm, indicating a cross over between worlds and dimensions had opened, and was accessible – bringing me back to the Dwarf door in the mountain that was inviting me in the day before.
The world of magick and every day realities had crossed paths and this creature of the in between times and places is a guide into the Faery realm and beyond.
Her black coat spoke of deep mysteries and the hidden shadows revealed, of the Cosmic Abyss, shamanism (which has been at the forefront these days), working with the benevolent powers of both light and dark, and knowing oneself in the truest of ways.
The message she had was, and still is integrating, but when I pulled my Faery Oracle card yesterday, things became more clear.
Here’s the card and message:
Well, that was so on point with what I’d been experiencing and feeling, not to mention Unicorn has been around a lot too.
And things are not always what they seem, as our “eyes” can be deceiving.
Black Fox was a counterpart to Unicorn…her white tipped tail indicating the cross over and connection, not to mention the small white orb that appeared in one of the photos by her white tipped tail.
When we see with our true inner eye, the answers are there.
I’ve read that many see the Black Fox as both an omen of misfortune/”bad” luck AND an omen of “good” luck and magickal things.
One must look in their own heart to receive the truth, as all things edge on the reality of your perception.
This also felt connected to Cosmo, his being black and white, and his feeling to be the integrating factor needed also for what is channeling through.
He’s an integrating energy connected with Nestor and Joy as a Trinity as well….and a Trinity of energies between me and Joy too.
His recent illness of pneumonia has also been a timely process of sharing the message of not forgetting our parts in order to take in the full breath of life…to nurture and cultivate the feminine within is to also nurture and cultivate the masculine, and vice versa. It is not an isolated journey.
Cosmo has been like a missing link I needed, as he personifies the new Sacred Male in Divine partnership with the Sacred Female, reminding us not to forget his importance in this Great Cosmic Romance.
I have had my own built-in challenges and judgments over time with the Male, but it was from the old conditioning and DNA programming, but not from a place of true grace and reverent understanding.
After coming to know the true Sacred Male through my relationship with Cosmo and his to Joy and life itself, I have seen HIS power in how he brings forth and supports the Sacred Female into HER true power.
It is NOT just about the feminine, but the harmony dance and sacred song sung together with the masculine…it is both and beyond both, but to know the beyond one must know each in their true and pure power.
Back to the Faery Oracle card, it talks about how Unicorn is going into the etheric realms to ask the creatures too long in hiding to come forth (Black Fox) and let themselves be known again and that they are safe with the “maiden” – me – and vice versa…so that we may share in the work together and meet in the in between places to communicate.
I also had mentioned recently that my creative project – writing – had taken a pause for a while, as there has been a lot to integrate and receive, and I’d felt challenged with the message, unable to do it justice, feeling I was still needing to go through my personal experiences in order to access what’s next, and unclear until a new door appeared where I would be led and then back in writing flow from this new unventured place of pure channeled inspiration I would only know when I was there.
It didn’t feel right in Utah to continue writing but I had this sense that somewhere in Colorado would provide the doorway, which it has.
An initiatory process has been taking place and after the time spent at the ruins in Mesa Verde, a vision quest had resulted in retrieving a key to that door.
And opened it has, here in Ouray…and like the waters flowing abundantly all around me while staying there, I can feel the inspiration flowing and I’m ready to receive the channeling of insights and communication from my magickal friends near and far.
The card shares that the Unicorn brings the power of the written word and communicates the tale to be told and that their original language is pictorial – which is how I work in visions and creative windows of artistic expression.
The card continues to say that if it has appeared to you while embarking on a creative project like writing and had felt a hindrance that Unicorn will help if asked, to fill you with inspiration and guidance, as well as is help to connect with your magickal free spirited self. Unicorn is a symbol of ancient magicks rising and I did say that magick was afoot with Black Fox appearing, not to mention the ancient energy experiences at the Anasazi ruins.
And so this reiterates what I’d felt so strongly in Mesa Verde when I had the crown chakra expansion and opening (likely preparing me for this new line of communication for another level of channeling needed) that change was upon me again.
It had been slowly building, but hit me with that deep cellular release as to what was going to be necessary for this next leg of the journey.
And the card continues to share that a purification is taking place within and without…that has been unfolding indeed. And increased with the crown chakra opening and my time in cleansing Ouray.
A detoxifying of my environment, which to me feels to speak to needing to withdraw some more to follow my life path. This also connects with the message of being a peaceful activist for change that the card heralds and this journey we’re on in the Magick Bus as a way to spread that peace and healing to the Earth in the way that I can.
The card’s message includes helping and purifying the environment, which is something I do energetically, with sound and Reiki, as well as creatively by creating tangible works and more aligned personal embodiment that reflect the reality I want to experience and a beautification process of returning to natural origins and harmony.
Synchronously, yesterday we took a stroll along the river walk just out front of our RV. It was raining and the river was rolling. We walked about two miles, although it extends longer, feeling refreshed, and by the end our outer clothing completely soaked with that cleansing.
Along the walk there were interpretative placards that shared about the river restoration that the city of Ouray has been implementing to bring it back into abundance and harmony for the wildlife and surroundings.
That reflection felt symbolic of my own soul restoration back into natural harmony taking place.
We each have our roles and parts to play and mine is definitely as an “as within, so without” process in constantly holding that mirror up to Nature and the world at large to make those adjustments in reflection.
The doors between worlds are growing wider and wider, the message continues in the oracle card, and that feels accurate, as where the veils were thick and life seemed a struggle, there is greater ease in walking between those realms, not just through dream and meditation time, but as a tangible reality.
This card literally speaks to what is unfolding and felt to be a messenger of reiteration and support that my feelings were accurate on what is next.
I’m going to be a little more “in between” worlds myself now again, as I am needing to go to places more fully to receive what the open door is ready to channel through.
Ouray felt for me to be the symbolic and literal reflection of this in between world, transitioning me into a new and unknown, but familiar realm in order to receive knew learning and wisdom I will be humbled student and channel to.
And like the Sibyls, from which the ancient heritage within me is rooted, who lived hidden and out of reach in order to filter the energies that accessed them so they could remain devoted to the sacred purity of their connection with Mother Earth and the Cosmos through sound, there is a place within me calling for that path….
moving in and out, at times unreachable, and yet ever more connected.
While I am not fully removing myself, like I did on my 3 month sabbatical, I am removing myself much more than I’ve been in the last several months since returning and do feel I’m in a form of sabbatical indeed with this Magick Bus journey in totality, but the form just keeps shifting as to how that looks.
I have been sharing a lot of the journey to assist, inspire, and reflect any resonance and support for others on a pretty much daily basis, but this will be shifting to a limited sharing.
I do not have any official number of times I will post or not, but likely will be something like one – two times a week only so that I can spend more time in the other world for the time being in order to create what feels soul necessary.
But know that while I am here or there, I am fully present.
Which reminds me of a quick conversation via text I had with Laura this morning where we were reflecting on how our physical forms have shifted from our waif forms and partially-here-presence to much more solid, heavier bodies of natural form that enable us to truly be in this world and richly Earth connected, yet still not of it.
I commented that we were not fully embodied, although ancient and knowledgeable…the wisdom through integration is only now starting to truly shine forth, as it does for everyone who deepens into what it truly means to actively know and live that knowledge. And it will continue to deepen and shine the more it is fully integrated.
She said it was like we were “seeds with unlocked potential” to which I replied, “yep, seedlings into trees, grounded and rooted, but also expanding out and beyond.”
And isn’t that what we all are and how this journey is unfolding for us all?
As above, so below.
And so in my own life I have seen how the energy needs to shift and while I am not removing myself from connection and communication altogether, in many ways I will not be as responsive and do have to place more boundaries on my time and energy exerted in answering all the emails and messages received. As well as need to monitor my energy and time diligently.
I love you all dearly, so much so that I know this is what is most supportive right now in the bigger picture to do and so even though at time it feels odd since it is different than what others or even I might think this time of my life might be like, especially in terms of being in a personal #1 year, I in fact am doing what that is about, which honors the essence of new beginnings in all ways.
So while I’m not cutting things off, I will be more silent and I will not be as accessible physically/visually speaking for an unknown period needed.
I will still post blogs, but on a limited basis.
I will still share video inspirations and sound channelings on a limited basis, as well as still be offering the personal sound channelings I shared are available to those who are called.
But I’ll only be available on a limited, as needed basis, and will limit blog shares.
For anyone on Facebook, the same applies there, although will seem more dramatic, as the only shares will be blog updates that post there automatically and only important updates.
I thank all of my beautiful friends and supportive community for your continued understanding and love. I know I do things a bit differently and not logically so I appreciate your compassionate hearts you’ve always extended.
This morning before we headed out of Ouray to our new location in Montrose near Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, the sun rose lighting up the tip of the beautiful snow capped peak outside my desk window, with little peach clouds above it in the baby blue sky.
The tip of the peak lit up between the dark mountains beside it, creating a valley or chalice-like effect (vessel of life both empty and full), and also two triangles overlapping (like the Merkabah) felt symbolic of light within the darkness and darkness within the light…and the healing waters that pour into this valley via waterfalls – the creative impetus and spark of new life and essence purification.
There is much hope and much promise….and the door has opened to let the floodgates of newness in.
I was reminded of this path I chose for our journey in the Magick Bus.
I didn’t need a catastrophe, health crises, break down, or shove up against a wall this time to know what my heart and soul needed and what changes were necessary in the bigger picture of things.
You can choose a different more aligned path at any moment with heartful trust in every part of the unfolding.
Support and expansion is there when you do.
So while it might seem more logical to make changes when there’s a challenge, I say it’s quite empowering to make them when there aren’t.
For this reason I have understood why some people thought I might be going through a challenge of some sort to make decisions like I have, but the decisions are based on choice alone from an inner knowing only I can feel.
On our ride to Montrose from Ouray we passed an old bus parked in the yard of a house along the road. We passed too quickly to stop, plus that’s not so easy in a big RV, but it was long enough to see the bus said “Magic Bus” on it.
Was it a sign post that all things are in flow and alignment and symbolic of leaving an old reality behind, as we walked through the door of new potentials opened to us in Ouray?
It felt to be an indication of a new reality and moving in between worlds…in mine there is Magick – the new reality…in the other there is Magic – the old reality, but they are counterparts to the whole…the water of the chalice.
It didn’t seem surprising that we literally pulled in to our new spot at 11:11 am. That portal of 1’s keep showing up big time recently at the 11:11 and 1:11 hours.
While I do share a lot, there is much unsaid and much I am not able to share, but what I do share is done so others don’t feel alone and crazy, and so that you might find some thread of connection in your own experience, or receive an “a-ha” to light the way where you might have also felt lost, as I have at times.
Feeling so much love for you.