Alchemy of 2020
I chose this photo of me for this post, as I feel it reflects the essence of growth and change 2020 has been for me – a bunny leap into a role I was born for.
Today’s post is inspired by my sweet friend Linda of Litebeing Chronicles. I embraced the invitation to share my story of evolution during what is sure to be a year we will not forget, as part of Litebeing’s Change Challenge. While each of our journeys within 2020’s historical web will vary greatly, that is exactly why I feel that sharing how we’ve navigated an unprecedented time period can be valuable, as we continue to expand our perspectives.
I think it will also be interesting to look back on this year and so by sitting down to write this, it invites deeper reflection and acknowledgment of what feels like light years of growth dramatically taking form. I knew a lot had happened and changed, but it turns out it was even more than I realized.
So, let me just briefly share what Linda’s challenge entailed and then I’ll take you on a little walk of 2020, as seen through my eyes.
The theme of Litebeing’s Change Challenge is about highlighting the answers to these questions:
How have you changed internally? Can you share some new thoughts, ideas, projects, attitudes that have sprung up as a result of your evolution?
Basically any insights around the transformation I’ve experienced as a result of 2020’s energetic and physical landscape, are what this is about. The purpose being to highlight each individual’s unique journey and as Linda says, “owning and expressing how this journey has transformed you inside and out.”
I’ll begin with a few things that I had been internally guided to do before everything we’re experiencing now had hit in 2020. I took a three month personal sabbatical that started 1/1/2020 for three months where I was completely offline and didn’t officially return back until April Fool’s Day the 1st. Interesting timing given the landscape of what was in motion in the world.
On some level my soul knew I was needing to prepare for what was coming so that I would be able to weather it all from a place of greater strength and clarity that would enable me to support others, as well as to hold a clear anchor of my energetic frequency I’ve come to know as my part in things.
It’s interesting to read some of my words from the post I just linked to from December 30th of 2019, which include these:
“Life is rapidly evolving and it continues to be interesting to observe what we as a collective are choosing to create here on Earth. There seems to be an increase in individual experiences branching off to form new realities. But does that mean reality splits will take place, or is it simply that courageous innovators are forging new landscapes so the rest of us can journey and merge there when ready? As with all new inventions, it takes time for the collective to get on board.
My experience, ever since the Capricorn New Moon Solar Eclipse of Christmas, has been that of a completely new blueprint being formed in a very literal way. Although viscerally felt as well, we actually have spent time drafting this intentional blueprint in the physical and have physically experienced it root.
It feels as though DNA is rearranging and awakening – a true rebirth and renewal.”
“I know also that an increase in life transitions from this plane of existence (along with many facets of life transitioning) have taken place this year, which has been increasingly hard for people to go through on top of the daily challenges. I sense this is going to continue to happen because of how energy is shifting rapidly and souls are finding/choosing their place in the collective experience of this. We feel it as a loss because we’re human, when Nature experiences loss every second and knows it as the fluidity of wholeness.”
The first excerpt I cited is interesting to me because one of the things I reflected upon shifting for me this year is the literal experience of a “split of realities” or timelines that is being clearly distinguished. No longer was it an idea or my private experience, but it quite literally took root and 2020 has been like walking through different worlds all separated by varying belief systems and although I know my connection with all of it, I’ve experienced that middle way becoming so much stronger. There are times I’m unseen by others and there are times that we merge – in this world, but not of it. It has felt like a rooting of the new finally taking hold and beginning to sprout.
And yes, that “rebirth and renewal” I spoke of through DNA rearrangings and awakenings I think speaks for itself. For me, although 2020 did not contain an NDE (near death experience) like a few years previous had (or quite literally was a blip in and out of a new me, this year felt more like a light-switch rebirth and renewal that suddenly flicked on a new, but more integrated me. More on that with some of the other reflections.
And the second excerpt about more souls transitioning as part of finding their place in the collective unfolding, indeed has increased and continued. I continue to hear not only of physical deaths from the virus, but an increase in surprising fatal diagnoses and unexpected or surprising transitions from many around me (including people you would never think would be departing) both in human and animal bodies. And others who are going through traumatic physical health challenges, as a result of changes wanting to root. It’s put me in a place of needing to be extra solid and strong to assist where I’m called. And the fact that I created self nurturing and recentering time before more of this all hit, put me in a place to do this from a state of greater well being, whereas in the past it would have depleted me.
And speaking of well being, that brings me to the things I intuitively implemented to aid this, before things hit, which made 2020 a year of physical shifts alongside huge inner growth spurts – likely the merging of both of these is what made things manifest as an experience of flipping a switch.
Dave and I began intermittent fasting on 12/26/2019 – the day after Christmas – which we’ve consistently integrated as our new lifestyle every day since. I have been on the 18/6 way of eating – this means I eat all of my caloric intake within a six hour window of the day and then fast for eighteen hours. One of the biggest benefits from this is said to help boost the immune system, but there are a bunch more science-based benefits (please do your own research and consult your doctor) like cellular, gene, and hormone repair, reduce inflammation and insulin resistance, greater longevity, better sleep and cognitive abilities, etc.
Everyone is different and there’s no one cookie-cutter way, but with the implementation of this way of life for me, I’ve experienced a lot of physical health benefits that nothing else had changed in the past. Granted, I didn’t have anything major going on, but we each have our things, so experiencing this was an added bit of peace and wholeness added to my life. I’ll likely not know the results of other benefits until later down the road.
However, things I had just accepted as the way my body is, disappeared this year and the only physical change was IF (intermittent fasting). Granted, things have been lining or “lighting” up in my life in a new way for the first time this year, and I’ve more solidly seen the result of my inner work of years as well, but until implementing the physical alongside this (since all levels are key to manifesting change) these things hadn’t changed.
My years of mild, sporadic hypoglycemia has completely subsided, my EIB (exercise-induced bronchoconstriction), which for me is non-asthma related, has disappeared, peri-menopausal hormonal shifts have balanced out on their own so that I no longer take any herbal supplements to support (I actually don’t take any supplements or vitamins other than intervals of a sublingual form of B12, zinc and vitamin C), my adrenal glands experience consistent happiness, without trying or having it on my radar as a goal, my body dropped extra grounding weight it no longer deemed necessary to keep me integrated (17 lbs to be exact), and there’s a more consistent level of daily energy in me and a sudden accelerated level of endurance and speed in my outdoor exercise activities. I even chopped off 15 inches of my hair this year (2 1/2 years of growth), which lightened the load and felt like its own activation and acceleration into the now me.
And the mirroring inner shifts have been the experience of being more fully embodied (despite losing the weight) and as a result, experiencing a fuller awareness and expression of my essence, my soul-chosen role, and the energy I came to help anchor and create at this time. It is as if finally my purpose has been lighting up and coming on-grid and becoming more relevant, where as it used to always be like a shadow in the background walking beside things, but just out of reach.
The exhaustion I used to feel with life and having come to a natural conclusion, suddenly received a reinvigoration – that renewal I spoke of. Not like I’m reviving something old, though, but in fact experiencing it as if it’s the first day of eternal being.
Kind of like you’ve envisioned how something could be all your life, but it always stayed out of reach behind a veil or that someone kept dragging it farther away from you saying “not yet”, and now the vision is reality and it’s coming through as that future you returning to the past you and the two become a new yourself, now and as one. If that even makes sense. 🙂
Along with this I continue to experience a deepening of inner alignment – I guess you might relate that to intuitive/psychic expansion or a sense of knowing, increased telepathic dreams and messaging, more bleed-through of extraordinary experiences in the world others also can see, more consistent instant manifestation, increased realizations that momentarily suspend the 3D world into multi-dimensional reality, and increased sense of peace despite what’s going on everywhere.
There’s also been a deepening of connections with people and relationships of all kinds rearranging themselves – this included getting married on Summer Solstice of 2020, which was kind of out of the blue, but felt energetically important (I chronicled this and much more in my return-from-sabbatical blog post of April 1st Navigating New Paths ~ Individual & Collective Impact of Our Now).
I received strong guidance for this and one of those messages included a need to bring hope, love, harmony, and connection to a year full of all of the opposites. Like all cycles, there are the deaths and births and to anchor something like this, bringing together the Yin and Yang that Dave and I represent, felt like potent alchemy for 2020. This created a shift in my/our life with ripple effect on many fronts that continue to unfold.
Despite a very full and busy year of projects, reorganizing/creating life physically and inwardly, and taking on more work, I’ve continued to maintain the importance of implementing self nurturing and literal “time-outs” for me. So, this year’s collective protocol has been supportive of this where the message I had to continue these things after my sabbatical, ensured it could be done by removing many externals that could otherwise take away from that. And this has helped me to keep my well full, as this year became extra busy with my returning to things I thought I was done with and in some cases had completely left behind for years.
These including teaching, supporting others in sessions, and even taking on select art commissions. The new level of self care enabled me to be able to give from a healthy place.
And on top of that I’ve also come to see the full circle results of years of doing personal work to strengthen my boundaries, my voice, know my role, keep balanced, and overall having anchored a sanctuary space within and without, so I wasn’t afraid or uncomfortable to be with these things again or worry that I would get lost or have nothing left for me.
So a new surge came through and it has felt completely different in a very enriching, all-encompassing, full-bodied way.
That said, I will then turn to some of the challenges or disappointments I have also met – although equally growth-filled and in fact their own gift.
One of these includes not having completed my novel. On an ego level, there was disappointment around this and a constant check-in with myself about all of this nurturing time, time off, huge amounts of time in nature doing outdoor exercise my birth energies need to thrive, going back to offerings and being there for others, etc. It definitely pulled at me and where I knew this project was important, I was feeling like I might have let my soul family and guides down – and ultimately myself.
That was my initial dialoguing in wanting to make sure I was actually in alignment and that I wasn’t avoiding something.
And with everything that unfolded around me in the world, and continued signs, I eventually anchored into knowing this was the path for now. It wasn’t a detour, but a necessary part of the equation to get on board energetically with the collective.
Let me explain what I mean by that, for me personally. I’ve always felt like things I did, thought, envisioned, etc. were years out. So it always put me in a place of feeling in delay.
And although I still have the visions and ideas that may be “out there,” I’m much more solidly rooted here and now with everyone around me. I feel like things have organically sped up in the world while I’ve pulled back on the acceleration so that there’s more of a merging of time…a more relevance to “now” focuses…and that what is brought to the table can be implemented and/or accessed into creation without need for waiting.
And so, a novel that felt “out there” continues to percolate within my inner world, but the outer world and my guiding vision and expression of its message are catching up to one another. And I know now that things are in alignment.
The other challenge I’ve been facing has to do with my energetic role I know to be and in each moment, learning the alchemy of how that looks and how to relate and integrate when others are holding a very different energy. There’s no blueprint for it and within each moment I’m learning the underworkings of how that looks and how to maintain equilibrium both within and without.
I’m also learning in the moment how to merge my sense of cosmic love and mission, which is it’s own unique challenge and has it’s own day-to-day experimenting – like finding the perfect alchemical process to create a work of harmonious art from a bunch of mismatched scraps.
What I’m grateful for, again, is all the work I’ve put into learning how to create peace and balance in my life within chaos so that it no longer has debilitating effects on me. I’m grateful I listened to the calls to withdraw when I have (like my sabbaticals), to take time away this year, to strengthen my reserve and my physical body, to activate my Mars energy (which was a huge key for many things within that balance) along with getting Capricorn and Saturn placements strengthened and merged into the game, and to support my voice with a greater level of courage, clarity, and security that my Pisces self struggled with most of my life.
This has enabled me to walk amidst dramatic dichotomies of experience and chaos all around me, while maintaining what I feel and believe within and transmuting things.
Equally though, I’ve been grateful for my sensitivities, empathic unified experience of others, and the soft, dreamy, otherworldy Pisces side of me, too, because this has enabled me to walk in everyone’s shoes with greater unconditional compassion and understanding and to bring through creative expressions of possibility. It’s also helped me to maintain my hope and innocence amidst daunting circumstances.
It hasn’t been easy, but in the past it would have broken me. Now, I feel it’s what I was born for – to be a bridge – to embody peace within chaos.
And that is where I find myself now – feeling like that purpose I came for, but tormented me all my life as to when it would make sense, has arrived. Together, with many of you, we will continue to light up and I believe will work at creating new possibilities.