I am always enthralled by my dream time and how rich it is. I’ve had many interesting dreams recently again, but the one that stood out most was of the tiny aqua tortoise two nights ago. I love how each time my Russian Tortoise, Gaia, assists me with my writing, she will show up in my dream that very night, or vice versa – show up the night before and I’ll know she has something to share for the day’s writing ahead. I’m so grateful for my spirit family and especially my tortoise and rabbit companions who share their loving support always.
In the dream it actually started out with me on a journey – this time in a smaller RV – and about to embark. Before leaving I catch glimpse of a tiny (baby-sized) tortoise with aqua shell scurrying across the ground of what seemed to be like a garage or storage area. This little tortoise was fast!
The only other tortoise I know to be so fast is my beloved Gaia. She not only had strong presence, patience, and deliberate, persistent action, but she could move between those methodical, soldier-like steps of intention into a speedy sprint.
I knew right away this was a manifestation of Gaia coming through in this mighty and speedy little tortoise. She was reminding me not to forget the gifts and tools I have, not to mention the guiding support to lean into with this journey.
I went after her trying to pick her up, as she dashed quickly in and out of things in this storage area, making it challenging to get her, but also calling forth my not wasting energy, but focusing intentfully on what would be most effective in scooping her up without zig-zagging about.
And soon I did have her in my hands and just remembered how sweet she looked, her deep eyes and almost smiling face, with a fully aqua painted shell home she carried on her back and her coloring reminding me more of a sea turtle – interestingly just the size and similar essence to a tiny figurine I was gifted by a dear friend that sits on my dresser.
That was all I remember.
But as mentioned, since she’d come through that day with writing support and channeling the part of the story I was tapping into, I knew this was no coincidence, but timely and symbolic manifestation on her part.
Her small size felt to indicate these as reminders more than a blaring warning or that I was off-track and needing a huge sign. It also felt like she was helping me to fine-tune these elements and gifts rather than outright teaching me it from scratch. So definitely about honing in on things even more and tweaking so I can optimize.
Aqua happens to be my favorite color, but this is also a color that holds much pertinent energy to my life and this undertaking right now.
It can represent our unconscious and the instincts we have, wanting us to take notice and support. I take this as Gaia sharing to just trust this next flow of information coming through and to surrender to almost what I’d call “automatic writing” that has and will continue to take place. I will not need to dictate anything.
Aqua is also highly creative energy, light-hearted and still carries a strong individuality. This speaks to me too about the writing I’m engaged in and how it is being carried through me, but also of me.
It’s also definitely about inspiration, focus, concentration, communication between heart and spoken/written word, clarity, and even has been linked with the “electronic age” where computers are a form of wide-scale communication. To me speaking to again, trusting the translation that takes place if I let my parts work in balanced partnership and weave thoughts and words from their true source. And of course, I do type on a computer and to understand the collective reach of what’s taking place, not to mention is a way Gaia communicates to me through electronics with her ability to tap into this energy.
It’s also a color of calm invigoration, restoration, recharge of spirits, encourages healing, compassion, and our intuitive abilities that have the ability to open doorways to greater spiritual growth.
I have found this journey with my writing to be all of this and Gaia seems to be encouraging the process and path, sensing I had a moment of pause where I stepped out of that automatic writing place and was stumped for a bit before I jumped back onto the frequency train of allowing.
Aqua is a perfect color to support expression and confidently focus us with our speech and bringing through ways of describing things we might find hard to express. So it’s a wonderful color to surround ourselves with while also enhancing our gifts, help us make decisions, move forward, carry us through successfully, get us out of a rut or indecisive place in life or with a project, and all the while calming our nerves so we can return to center.
Gaia was definitely reminding me of the aura I carry with me with aqua always having been in and around my life, and to surround my process in this essence to carry me to closure with the story.
The things about tortoise/turtles is that they can live and journey both in water and on land, so there is again that balance of diving into our sensitivities and bringing them into concrete form. A bridge between the imagination and manifestation.
Vulnerability will be part of the journey when they show up and at times this will need withdrawing into our “shell” to bring forth something deeper, but also knowing we have the support to share it and that courage will be there when needed.
Normally turtles/tortoises can signify a need to slow down, but in the case of Gaia and this tiny turtle manifestation of her, she was moving quickly. I feel it represents that things will move more rapidly now with things, if I continue to go in this flow she is sharing, but also to be aware of how I can still navigate intentfully and more effectively. By continuing to be aware of my energy out-put and acting instinctively rather than just doing things without engaging my ability to think 10 steps ahead in the moment to understand the flow of energy currents I can ride, I will bring things together with productive results.
When ever I do this, then I meet with harmonious outcomes and merge as one with what is unfolding as an equal partner in tune with the natural rhythms.
There is so much we can learn by symbolism that comes through and many ways and perspectives to receive and see them as, but I believe we are guided to the ones that we need to know most.
I’m grateful to Gaia for her taking time from her ever-full missions she’s on to support me with mine – well….ours. 🙂
This sweet article from Hilary Hanson came out in The Huffington Post on my birthday, but I didn’t have a chance to post it until now. It seems fitting that an article about a rabbit and a tortoise bonding was shared on a day connected to me, since we all know about my sweet Gaia and bunnies, but most especially the bond Gaia and Joy shared. My sweet friends have been around me so much and so when Dave shared this article with me on my birthday, I had to smile again at their messages of love and divine alignment.
I hope you enjoy this short, sweet article:
Many of you have so lovingly been following along and sharing your support for our dear Cosmo over the past nearly 2 years that I wanted to take the time to share about his recent transition, but most importantly to be his voice with the message he has imparted. This is my gift to him to support the completion of his mission here on Earth and the last piece of his path he wanted as the tie-in to his departure. Although he will continue on with other missions in his eternal form, he has been a constant source of ever-giving love in a way most rare to experience from anyone, let alone a magickal rabbit.
I’ll begin by backing up a bit to share recent unfoldings that have led to this, before concluding with that message, as all pieces are relevant to grasping a deeper understanding of the message.
As you may remember, I’ve shared several times that our returning to Lake Tahoe was in large part also because of Cosmo. I knew that somewhere along the Magick Bus journey that both Joy and Cosmo would be transitioning and once Joy did, it was just a matter of time before her partner would join her.
Joy, you may remember, made her transition in the energy of the Summer Solstice portal just four months ago. I shared a long video of that story along with a photo story line of highlights in her life and additional insights at the link provided.
It was challenging on both Cosmo and I, but he trucked right along as he always does, in large part to be my rock and a source of comfort for me. I got that he was staying around in order to make sure I was okay before he, too, would make his departure. This also provided he and I the opportunity to just be together the two of us, as I had had that kind of time with all of my beloveds except with him.
And during the last four months our deep connection only further deepened, with our clear communication ramping up, his teachings making huge impact on fuller embodiment for me, and our love transcending everything.
When we received guidance that we were to return to Lake Tahoe, I immediately got the message that this is where Cosmo would transition. He had chosen the place where his teachers and friends – Joy, Nestor, and Gaia – had all lived and where each of them either transitioned themselves or arrived into my life. But all of them having thoroughly enjoyed and connected with Tahoe’s crystalline energy and working with its portal. He chose a place that was also very dear to both Dave and I and until now had been the one place we loved the most and considered our true home.
Over the past year, and increasingly recently, Cosmo had begun to physically decline. Whereas he’d had huge leaps, increased vitality, strength, and mobility from onset of his coming into our lives with all of the efforts and support I/we provided, this last year proved to demonstrate his physical body weakening and breaking down, despite his eternal vibrant spirit remaining untouched.
And this decline continued more rapidly when Joy made her transition.
His bones – the old structure of physical form – were breaking down, his arthritis increasingly being a source of pain, his legs stiffening and one nearly unable to bend anymore despite leg therapies and knee seeming to always pop out of place, his shoulders collapsing due to his using his arms to support and move himself around to compensate for not being able to move his lower body to support himself, and one shoulder recently also hugely dislocated.
And yet he never wavered in the love, peace, presence, patience, joy, and strength of spirit that his purity embodied. His stoic bravery and constant, consistent ability to look at and embrace all of his experiences with loving compassion was an example for us all.
I did not know the exact timing of when he would make his move to journey onward, although felt it was sooner than later, but that became clear not long after our arrival back to Lake Tahoe.
And it was evident also in Cosmo’s orchestration of things that rearranged our timing of meeting up with my dear Laura and David, which was originally planned for the Halloween weekend, but got moved to the Autumn Equinox, as she shared in her recent post: A Strange, Synchronous Samhain Sojourn documenting also how he was “at the center of our Autumnal celebrations all together, anchoring the “Cosmos” and just being the love bunny he is.”
This became one of the missions he was to complete for the collective and all four of us personally as well, and his way of being able to meet Laura in person who had been a large part of his life regardless of not meeting him physically, so that he could say his thanks and goodbyes.
It was also no coincidence that just as we returned to the Reno area, my parents and brother all came over to the Magick Bus to visit, bringing my brother to see it and Cosmo for the first time in person. This was especially telling that my brother, whom I felt meeting and physically connecting with Cosmo would be transformative for, was there so that Cosmo could do his healing work with him as well before leaving, which resulted in Eric holding him when he’s always had a fear of this from the “past”.
Cosmo was able to say his goodbyes, share his love and gratitude, and impart his magickal energy, as he was always consistent with daily.
Then we made our way to Lake Tahoe, where after many phone calls, found him a place and open-hearted acupuncture and holistic vet that welcomed him, despite past allergies to rabbits – allergies that didn’t show up when she and Cosmo connected.
And the story takes its turn here.
Surrounded in the energy of Lake Tahoe, having assisted in our finding the perfect new home for the next 6 months, seeing me deepen my connection to my own heart’s mission, and experiencing the peaceful knowing of all things he’d lined up in wanting to complete, his mission was coming to closure.
Although the support at his new acupuncturist and all the things I shifted to make the last of his golden time here most peaceful and comfortable as possible did just that, it was his own inner peace he’d fully arrived at in knowing he and I were both ready for this last leg of the journey that kicked things into a quick spiral of rapid shifts.
I’ll shift for a moment before continuing on, to share a few things that are speaking through as I write this.
I know that while many have understood, shared the same connection with their soul partners in animal bodies, and experienced the feeling of being a parent to their fur babies no different than that of a biological human child, I know there are also those people who can’t grasp this, may even think my care-taking behavior is overboard, thought that Cosmo was an excuse for not doing things they may have wanted us to partake in because of my wanting to care for his needs which constituted a schedule that was my norm, or felt I was wearing myself down for someone that was not equal to a human child and likely hoped/hope I wouldn’t continue in this vein for their own reasons.
I completely understand these latter feelings because I know that unless one experiences something personally they have no way of grasping what it really means. Everyone finds their own experience of sacred connection in the way that is most relative and meaningful for them in the place they are on their journey. And for that I hold no judgment and took nothing personally.
But I will say that it fuels my devotion and commitment in continuing forth strongly with my convictions and sacred honoring I feel compelled to embody, myself, as I know that is my personal role and path to be living, regardless of how it appears to others.
Although I have not “birthed” a human child, myself, I can tell you that everything I have heard and experienced from my own mother, and all the friends I have that ARE mothers, has been my experience with my animal companions/babies and is consistent with what I know from my experiences this life and beyond, not to mention that all women embody the Sacred Feminine and Divine Mother energy.
I won’t go into all of that here, but needless to say they have been my babies, partners, best friends, and equals – learning and teaching with and from each other. In other words, soul family, which is no different except for the fact that a soul chooses the form most supportive and demonstrative of the mission they have chosen.
This is one of the many messages Cosmo imparted, as he was more human-like than any of my children and embodied a connection with everyone he came in contact with on a level that was undeniable in his conscious presence and ability to interact both intelligently and compassionately.
Dave was just remarking this morning that of all of our animal companions, he was the most dynamic presence that held his own and communicated loudly, yet gently, even without ever uttering a sound, let alone a word. He said that he sat there in the middle of the Magick Bus and was always actively a part of everything and called your attention to him at aligned times to share his message, as well as indicated his being interactive in all things that took place.
He truly demonstrated the equality of life in all forms and called everyone’s attention to take notice and integrate that at the level capable of doing, relative to everyone’s journeys.
To add in the aspect of his special needs he lived with for over two years, not to mention his challenged past from onset of birthing into form here, he conveyed the strength of our spirit overcoming anything, as his rabbit body is one of the most fragile forms to come into. It’s hard enough to go through things he had all his life if he had been in a human body, but add in the fact that he chose such a delicate form that is hardly understood by many and challenged with mysteries galore that take great intuition to unravel, and you can begin to understand the magnitude of his example.
There is nothing that wavered his disposition and the peaceful centeredness and love he exuded. He never allowed anything to shift him out of that space, nor to affect his normal behaviors, like eating, eliminating, or having to go into a long state of quiet processing, as many rabbits will do when they have challenges and even we as humans will do as a result of our embrace or attachment that manifests as different reflections physically or emotionally for us.
He just kept on keeping on….loving and assimilating things every step of the way with total patient and peaceful embrace and flow no matter how enormous the pain was. And he never acted out, nor lashed out. He never bit anyone or pulled away to retreat or show signs of not wanting to face things. He simply licked your hand with loving compassion for you, the journey, and his place in that process.
And this continued on until the very end, as you’ll come to see.
We each have that available as well and can access it from the wells of our inner and innate beingness.
Some may question my choice in rabbits due to their fragile constitutions, hope I don’t have more in my life as they project their own concerns, or wonder if I will bring more into my life.
My only answer is that they choose me, as much as I choose them. And I have not set out to bring any of them into my life except for Nestor, although when they showed up I recognized the contract we had and therefore the mission I gladly embraced, which was always beyond myself in also supporting their missions and doing our part for the collective dynamics.
So I will do that again, only if and when similar presents itself and I know beyond a doubt that that is my role in alignment with heart’s mission.
But to continue forth with what began to show up quite rapidly after settling back to Tahoe and a new era about to begin with knowing the Magick Bus would be moving on, as we moved forward into a new form of home and life showing up for our paths, I’ll share what catapulted us quickly to where things are now.
I’d taken Cosmo to his acupuncture appointment, which was a gift to find, as shared. My intention with providing care as such and all that I did was not to prolong his life unnecessarily beyond his choice, but to ensure as little pain and as much peace as possible while he still was here and was navigating his departure.
But upon our second appointment, he was crystal clear and intentionally focused in relaying his new plan and timely needs.
Basically what took place is during his session, while he’d already been in a zen mode, he became more consciously active and began to nibble on his hay that I provide him while he has treatments. But one of the needles of hay was in fact a needle itself.
I’d been diligently watching him, caressing him as I do, and making sure he was comfortable when suddenly his chewing sounded different and I instantly knew he had a needle in his mouth. I didn’t know how it happened without my seeing, but that is the Great Mystery unfolding, as always.
The vet had moved away to do something, since all the needles had been placed and he was hooked up to the electrodes, receiving.
I immediately told her and tried to stop him from chewing, unsuccessfully, as it was far back in his mouth by his molars.
I knew instantly this was the turning point.
And without going into too much detail I went into a calm panic, having flashes of Nestor’s passing because she had choked to death on medication I’d administered. He began to try to swallow and then he began gagging and salivating. I asked if he’d be alright. I know my face was likely white and all I could do was hold the space of love and trust in what was unfolding, and hoping for the best possible outcome without trauma.
Rabbits can’t throw up, so this was painful to watch. It went on an excruciating while, as the vet tried to get into his throat and check all around the back of his mouth and cheeks to see where it was.
This was unsuccessful, twice.
He continued gagging and salivating and I just said to myself, “OMG, this is it.” I was prepared, as I knew it could come at any time. I just didn’t know how or when. I’d hoped not in a traumatic way, and had no idea something like this could happen, as he’d had acupuncture so many times and never tried to eat a needle.
And hence, the intention on his part was clear. He is not stupid. He does not do anything random and accidental. He is a fully, and in most cases, more conscious being than most.
This was an act of choice. Perhaps he didn’t know how challenging the physical of that choice would be at first, but he knew he had to do something at this level in order for the rest to unfold as needed and in order to get my attention in a big way of the importance this had.
Suddenly, after the intervals of gagging and trying to look in his throat, he was at peace again. The needle had gone down miraculously without issues besides the temporary gagging and discomfort.
How it got down without doing harm I do not know, except that it was meant to be.
I could see the look on the vet’s face. She, was almost overcome to tears. She was panicked and I knew she felt guilt like she should have done something to not allow that to happen. It was all over her face.
She suggested, after I asked what to do next, that I take him down the way to the vet hospital to get xrays and see where it is.
Before I left, I firmly, but gently took hold of her arm and looked her deeply in her eyes to her soul and said while imparting energetic waves of healing, “It’s not your fault. This isn’t your fault.”
I did not want her carrying that guilt and at least doing my part to release her from that and imparting that I held no anger towards her in anyway that someone might project on to others when lashing out of pain. I wanted her to know she was appreciated for all of her help and I thanked her for that before I left to get the xrays, which she called in for me and got Cosmo squeezed in immediately for.
The xrays were taken. Cosmo continued fine. They showed that in fact the needle was now in his stomach. She said she also saw tons of fiber from what he eats, all around it, so it was acting like a cushion or cotton bubble protecting it for now.
And the unknowns from there spiraled.
The xrays were sent to his acupuncturist and she shared the findings, suggesting I monitor him and take him in in another day or two if it didn’t pass, but her experience was, with other animals – mostly cats and dogs, that things DO in fact pass. She’d seen anything from weird toys, plastic, and even razor blades pass without issue.
So I took him home and I waited.
But what I had immediately received in message right after it took place was that Cosmo was telling me he no longer wanted to go to any outside sessions or vets in general. That he wanted to just be in the peace and care that I provided him at home and not spend time elsewhere. He wanted to spend quality time with his family to choose his path naturally.
It wasn’t until a day or two later that I got a larger grip on what his message included, which was in fact he was choosing his timing and this was the way to make that needle-sharp clear.
He continued to eat, eliminate, and act as his normal loving self that first full day, which was Wednesday, 10/26. The acupuncturist kept emailing to check up on him and to see if there was any progress.
I would check his poop all day and night to look for any potential needle.
But by the second day, well actually night, he began to show signs of challenge once a day. It began in the middle of the night when I would wake up to check on him and that was both on Thursday and Friday night.
His eyes would bug out, he would become extremely fidgety, agitated, extend his upper portion of body out and then cramp up, and wanted me not to leave him, because there was great pain, until it would pass. I knew that the needle was moving and causing pain likely when it poked his insides and was trying to find its way through.
I sat up with him in the middle of the night giving him Reiki and comforting him for about a half an hour each time until the pain and his symptoms subsided altogether.
Then he was back to normal, although I began to notice that his left shoulder that we’d seen at the first acupuncture session being likely dislocated, was getting worse to the point that it would lay flat underneath him much of the time. That’s not to mention the stiffness in his back that continued increasing and making it hard for him to bend or sit up. Hence the orthopedic bed I got him to support his back.
Everything was at a very volatile state.
Thursday I kept checking. No needle. So I made an appointment for Friday to xray again, like the vet told me to do so that we could monitor if it’s moving and where it is.
The xrays showed it still in his stomach.
And that’s when the vet said I should contact my regular vet for more advice, as she doesn’t handle that.
I began making intervals of calls, being referred one-by-one to doctor and practice after another. I found it interesting the vet I’d taken him to in Carson for a general check up was out until 11/7. And nobody around knew rabbits enough to take on this challenge.
After the fourth place I was then referred to a fifth, which was where the signs aligned things.
This fifth doctor was in fact the doctor that had treated Nestor with her issues, and where I’d taken her for cremation after her passing. This was no coincidence. Nestor was overseeing things and I felt in safe hands.
What I’ve always found challenging is that no doctor would ever get on the phone in all my times of making calls over the years with me, yet were quick to always be upfront that they had no rabbit experience or specialization, nor willing to take things on even in emergency situations, except for those aligned places I was led to.
It’s made me over time feel very upset/disappointed that rabbits seem to be pushed to the side when they in fact need some of the most specialized care. I remember when I was a little girl loving animals from the get-go, that one of the things I said right off was that I wanted to be a veterinarian.
That was not my path in this life, but be it another time and place I would definitely have taken that on knowing what I know now and had a specialty practice for rabbits alone. I hope others will follow the inspiration of their calling with this if their own soul path is nudging them that way. I’ve seen and gone through way too much neglect with their care and it saddens me, but also brings me such gratitude when I do find those doctors who have gone that extra mile as their focus and path.
That brings me back to Nestor’s doctor whom I was now being referred to by what was supposed to be a specialist place in Reno, but low and behold had no rabbit specialists.
After I spoke to the receptionist for just a brief couple of minutes, she told me to hold and the next thing I knew I was speaking with the doctor herself. She took the time to go over Cosmo’s situation, options, and scope of potentials.
I was grateful.
The rest of the story for the next few days was a process of me on pins and “needles” not knowing when or how that needle would make its move and Cosmo going through one episode a day except for Saturday that was quite challenging. This likely was happening because a rabbit’s GI tract moves every 17-20 hours and in Cosmo’s case, maybe a bit longer since he is not mobile.
So each time it did, that needle was journeying.
And that created pain and the potential of trauma at any moment, as she shared and I knew that if that needle started making its way out of the stomach and into his intestines, there was the huge risk of it not getting through safely, especially with all the tiny turns and processes to go through. It could perforate any part of his system and if so, he’d be in excruciating pain to the point of perhaps screaming and trauma like I’ve seen in Nestor, and it could happen at any time where I would have no ability to get him help and basically I’d watch him pass a terrible death, or get him in and still have to be put to sleep because the damage would be too great for his little aged body to recover from.
There were complications around the whole scenario and along with his age at 10 1/2 years old (like 100 in rabbit years), his spine and skeletal structure all wearing down and collapsing, along with muscles weakening and tightening, we had things stacked against us in terms of any operation or endoscopy even by a specialist being successful since his body was so weak to make it through, let alone recover from it especially if stomach surgery, which Joy had too and didn’t make it back from after. In general, operations on rabbits are sketchy because they have such delicate compositions, but far better odds are there when they are young and robust with a lot to live for still. And each time you put a rabbit under anesthesia there’s a chance (50/50 or much less in a case like Cosmo’s) they may not wake, unless they are strong and healthy.
We started doing research, making calls, and emailing vets we knew. The answers were all the same from everyone and all scenarios of options provided no guarantee in any way of anything.
It was all maybe, perhaps, hopefully, if, etc.
Nothing was in alignment with peaceful, safe passage for him and all things were putting him at greater risk while also potentially having to drive him hours away to a specialist, having him in a cold room with people he didn’t know and I didn’t have any connection to, and with the fear of going under to have a surgery he himself told me he feared, and still not make it, while not being with us who he desired to have by his side all the way.
These were not viable options.
He and I had come too far together to allow such things when we had control of how things could go.
I became aware of how the timing of all of this was also not random, a couple of days after the incident of needle swallowing, realizing that Halloween, or rather, Samhain was just around the corner. And it all clicked.
And when verified with him, as he and I have very clear communication, and through my animal communicator friend who knew not what I had received myself in message before relaying her communications, it all confirmed with loud reiteration the same things.
Cosmo had completed his missions and was expressing his desire to leave. He knew the odds when he swallowed that needle and had hoped that I would understand what he was asking, although understood it was a lot to ask.
I’d received the message of his desire, as I mentioned, a couple of days after the episode and it just increasingly got louder as the days went on, becoming its clearest after I spoke to Nestor’s doctor. And Monday’s Samhain was to be that day, which he desired to make his transition, as it was after all the day and night of the thinnest veils between worlds. A time of magick and would be his magickal exit back to the Cosmos from which he came, as magick rabbits enter and exit as such.
I was going to have to assist Cosmo and I was going to have to put everything aside to honor him and his mission.
This was reiterated to me also in discussions with Laura at synchronous times during her Strange, Synchronous Samhain Sojourn, which she alluded to, as we were in contact with all the unusual bleed-throughs we were experiencing each in our own way over the course of this time we were once scheduled to be together.
He wanted it clear what he wanted and this was his way for that intention to be sharp. No pun intended.
Interestingly, here’s what his acupuncturist emailed me in one of our communications after the experience:
“One of my favorite holistic vets (who is also a Reiki Master) said Dr. Xie would say the needle knows what it is doing. The intention was good. Dr. Xie is an expert at TCVM and head of the Chi Institute, where I trained. So I just thought I’d pass that along. He also says to take a deep breath when animals eat needles. Things will workout.”
My response to her was:
“I agree fully that there is always perfect, divine grace with everything and intention and knowing is built into the process, especially with something like this/the needle with focused clarity it has. Also, Cosmo is a highly conscious soul. This act of his ingestion is not arbitrary or accidental and aligns with the intention and meaning of the process in his journey.”
Again, I was wanting to impart to her no need for guilt on her part, as all things were unfolding in alignment with his will.
I knew this for myself as well, although I would need the last couple of days to fully align all parts of myself with absolute clarity in order to proceed.
While I understood Cosmo’s message clearly and after reviewing all possibilities knew my answer, I would still have to reconcile my human ego parts, as well as needed to have absolute confirmation from him of the next step.
So, we had the weekend for that, and the timing again was perfectly lined up to do so. In the meantime, I was doing all the Reiki and healing work I knew possible, along with asking for assistance, in order to keep that needle from piercing him or causing any trauma before the time he had desired.
I asked for peace.
And Saturday that’s what we got, as he had no episode that one whole day, which I was so grateful for, given he’d had one each of the day’s preceding that were very scary, not knowing if that trauma the doctor had shared may happen if it tried to pass, was in fact taking place.
This was both wonderful, but also played with my ego mind, and especially Dave’s because it was easy to think he was fine, something miraculous was at hand, and perhaps he could live with this needle and it would never move through his system and keep cushioned for the rest of his life with fiber protecting it all around.
This was wishful thinking even though I’m all for believing in and creating miracles, but there was no guarantee that at any moment this could go grossly wrong or that his body would continue disintegrating to the point of collapsing completely with hideous pain and leaving him a vegetable, feeling trapped in a completely decayed body. I couldn’t play with and gamble away his peace and desires on something based on my own or anyone else’s ego to prolong his life.
His soul was too big and expansive to be contained anymore in this fragile form that had seen its time.
So yes, while we had a lovely day of peaceful connecting without challenges arising, it was in part for he and I to share beautiful quality time together and in part, in answer to exactly what I’d asked for and had worked so hard energetically to create.
We were succeeding in getting him through each day to make it to the timing he had chosen for departure.
So I asked for absolute clarity that he was still wanting his original desire to move on with my assistance, and that this was in fact the most responsibly compassionate path. I wanted no shadow of doubt.
Saturday had oscillated with inner confusion that had felt clear previously, but I realized it was simply my human part briefly attaching to desire to keep him here and try to convince myself that I/we could work miracles, even though I’d be putting him at further risk while exercising that “possibility”.
The needle was his intention and his way to say, “I’m declaring closure to my mission here.”
This needle was an unknown that could at any moment have a mind of its own. For now, it was being kept at bay long enough for us to all arrive at full clarity.
We’d started having Cosmo sleep with us in the bed, as I couldn’t leave him out of sight or alone, even though I wake 4 or 5 times to check on him all the time. So we brought his large orthopedic bed in the middle of our queen sized bed, leaving just room for our bodies on either side of him without movement.
In this way I could constantly check on him and he was cozy and safely with us – never alone.
Then Sunday rolled around and I spent all of it with him doing nothing else but connecting.
It was raining hard the entire day, which felt supportive for our delving into watery emotions to reveal the depths of truth, and cleansing to all that wasn’t authentic to step aside for clarity to come. It was also the perfect cozy day for he and I to share, as Dave was out that day.
However, I received the answer I needed and the confirming clarity, as peace was disrupted just long enough for me to get that reiteration desired.
And Cosmo put himself in a place of pain and danger, in order to help me know without doubt the reality of his situation and the depth of his desire.
Alone he and I got him through another bad episode. Peace was replaced after about 40 minutes with him going through a very rough time of pain and discomfort, which was frightening not knowing if something really horrible was about to happen.
Without explaining all of how he was reacting, I went into full on power mode and called in all of my power, favors, and help I could muster up energetically while I comforted and caressed him, and did Reiki and other energy things to assist.
At this point, although one might ask why I wouldn’t use this energy to pass the needle safely, I knew that was not an option. It was too volatile, too chancy, and I knew his desire was to go. So in fact it would have been playing a risk game that it would result as such, when the needle had deliberately been put there for another reason. It had a power to do its duty and would, one way or another. I could not counteract his intention with it. But I could place a hold on it with a promise to carry through with his wishes in return for his safety and peace.
So, I used my powers to stop the pain, and to create a permanent hold on the needle to be swaddled in cushioning protection and not move from the center of his stomach until I could get him to the doctor the next day, as he wished.
And “coincidentally” this doctor was not in on Saturday – the only weekend day they are open- and Sundays they are closed. While I could have tried to find some ER place, that was much too cold and had no connective factor for him. I wanted him to be in the best hands, which this doctor is – she is likely my favorite in terms of her gentle compassionate ways that warm your heart to be around her. That is the type of assistance this little angel deserved.
Not some random person without any connection.
And afterall, Nestor had guided us to her.
I’m happy to say that everything I did succeeded and he got through the horribly scary episode and back to peace. And never had another episode.
And I received the clarity I needed, as that episode relayed the message that my human ego had to see, which was that the temporary peace was just that – temporary. It was there to hold things for his safe passage as desired. But it would not be a permanent hold and if I surpassed his timing chosen, and all things aligning to support this, and didn’t support his wishes, the inevitable trauma would indeed take place and we’d no longer have the safe window to choose peace anymore.
It’s like I’ve been describing with everything recently. You have to ride the energy with patience and know when to make the move and catch the airstream that can catapult you.
Once again, I’d received what I asked for in order to fully get all parts of me on board without doubt.
After his pain passed Cosmo and I had very intimate quality time communicating, processing, and enjoying biomat time together the rest of the day.
This felt so supportive for him, as he came to love his biomat time in the short period we had it.
He would go into a zen mode, then he’d stretch out and slowly relax into a meditative dream state of journeying, more peaceful than I’ve ever seen him except when he would fall asleep against my heart and chest.
He’d stay on the mat a long time. This day was an hour and a half of internal processing.
I loved seeing him on it, as he was so utterly at peace…the way I envisioned his departure.
Of course I wished that he would just drift away during this time he was in deep trance state. And there were times, especially in these last few days, when I thought that he was doing just that, as he got himself to such a relaxed state that his heart rate was nearly undetectable along with his breathing almost non-existent.
But this was not the way it would be, as Cosmo knew that the way to finalize his last mission before he left, which he wanted me to assist with, was not to just pass away silently.
Yes, he would go, but it would be in the strong, gentle way he always has communicated, which has poignant purpose and penetrating message.
And I would need to be party to his mission, as he couldn’t do it alone and it in fact involved me and how the two of us, he said, could help so many others that go through this same experience and heart-wrenching dilemma.
Not to mention, it was part of my own growth and evolution.
I knew that during this day especially, knowing he had only one more day until his desired passing, that he was making sure to review all options just as I had to get all my pieces on board, as when I asked him if he wanted to pull Tarot cards for messages, he refused it each time.
He was still integrating and also wanted me to do so without the cards. He told me the answers were within me and to trust that day and I’d already received his clear message.
There was nothing different in the way we communicated and interacted from that of two humans. And that itself likely may stem from the fact that I have the personal belief and connection that all life is equal and of value and therefore the communication channels are open and clear if embraced and actively engaged. I have always communicated with animals and felt their heartbeat as my own, and in most cases, have experienced how they are more strongly connected to the Heart of All Life, to Mother Earth, and being closer to the Cosmos in their essence that lingers in between worlds than most humans.
Cosmo and I had instantaneous communication that took place like normal conversations spoken or unspoken. He understood everything I said or thought in that moment. And I understood him. This was a bit different from the way Joy and Nestor and Gaia communicated with me, as although I did understand them in wake time, it was not the seamless way Cosmo and I communicated. And they in fact would send me their messages and telepathic stories via dream time. The telepathy was strong in any case with all of them, but manifested differently when it came to the way in which they liked to send their messages.
Anyway, the rest of the day and night went without event, although I’d noticed that the last two nights while he was sleeping in between us, that he was not eating through the night and just resting and processing. Normally, rabbits, and him especially, are always eating round the clock. So his quiet mode at night seemed indicative of his preparations and perhaps avoiding something to happen during the night if his system was moving with new food.
And this brings us to Monday, Samhain – the Celtic New Year and the day and night of the thinnest veils between worlds and during the energy of the New Moon in Scorpio’s Great Mystery, magick, and transformation, which it had just shifted into the day before.
Samhain is a cross quarter day between Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice and is a night when Faeries are afoot working magick and mischief, as well as the Day of the Dead where our ancestors and loved ones are honored and remembered just like it was for the Celts, Egyptians and ancient Mexicans like the Toltecs, Aztecs, and Mayans. It is also when spirits and souls are thought to have more power to visit us. It’s a time marking the “absence the Sun who will be reborn at Winter Solstice as the Child of Promise” and marks the rising of the Pleiades.
Yes, it is no wonder Cosmo had chosen this day. Just as Joy had chosen Summer Solstice four months before him. All of my sweet ones have both entered and exited at profound and potent times.
So here we were, standing at the precipice of this transformational day and while I was fully on board with being Cosmo’s support system, not without emotional challenge mind you, I was having to be strong also for Dave who was having more difficulty.
We walked through everything for a couple of hours reviewing all of the angles, potentials, what vets had relayed, and what Cosmo had demonstrated. I walked Dave through all the realities in a left brained way first to indicate that there was no solution there that guaranteed peace for Cosmo, and likely would create further complications than he already had, if not extreme trauma past what he already has.
And then I walked him through Cosmo’s wish and what he was saying was his desire. But although Cosmo can ask, he can not force us to do what he asks. He can only relay his wish and it is up to us and our free will to choose to support or deny it.
All of which has ramifications on both ends. Yet, the most responsibly compassionate act and choice was the focal point of this discussion.
When Dave heard all of the angles, again, as we’d been discussing it over the last five days, now coming from my very stable and grounded place of knowing, it was different for him.
I explained to him that he and everyone knows I have and would do ANYTHING for my beloved animal companions. I would give my life for them. And so to arrive at this decision, is not an easy one for me, but is obvious that I have come to a place of knowing with heart and soul, that this is absolutely the only choice available that is of highest peace and compassion.
It is a choice of unconditional, expansive, and limitless love.
It is not a choice of conditional, attached, ego-based love.
The latter would devise ways to make one feel their choice to take an extreme chance of waiting things out, surgeries, etc. was the right path, only to appease one’s desire to hold on, to feel like you’ve done it all so as hopefully not to have guilt (which inevitably would crop up anyway), and to avoid listening to the message very clearly being spoken by our loved ones, thus denying they have an equal voice, mission, and their own knowing and choices that unfortunately they can’t exercise always, and perhaps avoiding the evolution they have come to assist us with through this process.
Ah, yes, it is very complex. And when dealing with the human emotions and these types of choices, it will be confusing and controversial.
I’ll return to this again, but I decided to pull a card from my very accurate, always on point Faery Oracle deck.
Stepping back for a moment, during the weekend I had pulled a card that represented Cosmo. It was the King of Cups, which he is. I always call him my little “king” and he definitely is that sacred male energy so in touch with the element of watery emotions. Anyway, on that card, there was one line that stood out for me the most, as there is always one gem in things we can take away that speaks to us. It was this:
“You are involved in a situation in which caring and empathic assistance are of utmost importance.”
That speaks for itself.
Synchronously I’ve been focused on empathic intelligence of the heart as my work recently and the balance between heart and mind, and heart and mission.
But back to the Faery Oracle card.
Out of 47 cards, to pull this one is no accident or coincidence and it went along also with what I’d been sharing to Dave, which I’ll explain further, but here is that card and a photo of its message from the book:
I, of course, shared and read the meaning of this card with Dave and this was an ultimate turning point for him when he saw the synchronicity that was inexplicable for this message and when I explained things further from the depths of myself.
Basically this card shares that we do not have ownership over anything….people, animals, plants, the land, etc. We have no dominion over Nature. We are guardians and with that comes the responsibility to honor the sacred relationship we have with all of life and the intelligence inherent within it all, as well, that is beyond our human capacity to understand unless we go within our hearts for truth.
As the card indicates, we need to be worthy of this role, which involves listening to what our companions within the mutual relationship are sharing with us, as what they have to share is just as valuable and valid as what we feel and have to say.
The card indicates that there are shifts taking place and by listening we will know when to take the divine action needed.
If one does not listen then the card would have a reverse meaning of dismissing the messages reaching you from Nature, your animal companions, plants, and the wild that are reaching out to communicate and share their lives with you. Their perceptions are different from ours, but oftentimes more powerful. It would indicate having a sense of ownership rather than mutual relationship or alliance with them. It may indicate blocking out what you’re hearing and projecting your own desires rather than listening to what is being shared that holds truth beyond illusions.
In essence this card says to honor all of life and to move beyond ego into a sacred relationship of compassionate guardianship that listens and acts in accordance with what is heard.
I said to Dave, after reading the card and seeing him release into a greater peace himself, “I cannot refuse his wishes. For me to ignore what I know in my heart and soul he is telling me and asking of me would be a complete desecration of all that is sacred. It would be a backwards step and would basically deny not only his worth as equal to my own, but deny his conscious intelligence, and be like turning my back on everything I believe in and know in my heart as truth. It would be like turning my back on our Earth Mother herself and abusing all that I’ve ever honored throughout my soul existences here. I cannot refuse his request, despite what anyone thinks of me, as the relationship I have with him is the sacred ground on which I walk upon and my only mission is to honor that above all else. My personal loss is not an option to consider. My love – true love – is all there is. And true expansive love IS the mission and heart combined. If I truly love him from a place of nonattachment, then I must assist him.”
And from there on, Dave came to the same place of understanding, as all of his pieces came together too.
Cosmo’s message is that doing the greatest act of compassion is the choice of highest good and that will challenge the human parts of us to move into a new place of integrated embodiment that honors the empathic intelligence of the heart.
However, this is the new relationship that is of dire importance at this time on Earth and although it is challenging to our human hearts, it will access the cosmic hearts within us that can be of assistance in awakening latent parts of our DNA into fuller and truer empowerment.
He wants to impart a deeper sacred relationship to us all that is one of guardianship rather than ownership, and to move into that space of listening to, honoring, trusting, and supporting the messages and connection you have with your animal companions, and with Mother Earth at large, in how to be stewards for change and love where we work in harmony with the natural rhythms and live more consciously.
As left to Nature, Cosmo would not still be here in general.
This involves moving away from a denial of our true potentials and origins. It involves moving away from dishonoring Nature and instead works towards a partnership that can be of most support to beneficial evolution rather than total destruction and unconscious blindness resulting in a complete loss of sacred harmony.
He knows that what he asked of me, of us, is one of the hardest things to do. And it is not something that would be within the scope of all scenarios, as it would have to be taken up on a relative basis. Yet, the underlying message of compassionate guardianship still remains.
He simply imparts a desire for each of us to truly listen to the individual needs and desires of our animal companions beyond the limitations of our own ego needs, as they have an intelligent consciousness and wisdom to impart and this involves all aspects of our relationships with them, not just in times of life and death choices, but when they have things to share every day with us in effort to not only assist us, but to make their own messages heard in things we can honor them with daily and that can help situations you may view as problems without answers.
They have the answers. We must listen.
Cosmo has always been on a mission of service from the get-go.
His life has been one of a service rabbit, as I’ve chronicled in this post back in August and has drawn our attention to more compassionate relationships to animals and Nature to shift us into a role of mutual partnership.
This he’s done as a literal ambassador of peace in campaigns to end testing on animals, but has also embodied an intelligence, and highly evolved compassionate way of relating and communicating with humans as a bridge between animals and people simply by his loving and rare “nature” that everyone has remarked on never having experienced from a rabbit, let alone a special needs rabbit.
Here is that post:
Although he will continue with missions from beyond Earth, this is his last message and mission to impart to all of us on Earth, as a soul in rabbit form.
I know this is a controversial issue that many, including animal rights people are challenged with. And yet, here’s my view on this.
Some of us fight for animal rights, to bring to attention for others that they are sentient beings and equal to humans. And yet, when it comes down to truly listening to them as sentient, intelligently conscious beings, we don’t always listen and we impart our own ego needs and desires.
While animals have yet to acquire that title of equal rights in the eyes of many, regardless of it being true in the eyes of all that is sacred, they do have this one right that surpasses us. One that also takes huge responsibility in listening to, rather than abusing, as many do.
Which is why this is more complex than it is simple on many levels. But truly is challenging us to begin to move into our own expanded versions of conscious sentient beings who take into account all of our gifts and all that is available to us to live with compassionate awareness and truly create an Earth home that is one of harmony and not some perverse idea of ownership and abuse at our every whim.
As Nature will ultimately have the last word. We will not. Since Nature is in harmony. We are not.
So here is the right I speak of.
They have the ability to choose their transition with harmonious assistance that supports compassionate choices in honor of their needs.
Something we as humans do not have, as euthanasia is not a legal option for the people who deeply desire to be let go of, and yet we keep them alive, sometimes as vegetables, because WE can’t let go.
There are many elderly people, just like my elder rabbit, Cosmo, who would desire compassionate assistance, and yet cannot have it.
So, while animals have no equal rights yet, they have this right that outweighs our own.
Unfortunately many abuse it and use it to either appease ego needs at their own whims, or abuse not using it when the messages are obvious.
We have no idea the suffering we place upon our animal companions because they are such unconditionally loving and devoted partners in our lives and will accept any fate we decide because of that capacity they have.
And yet, they have pleas of help that go unheard, just as the collective animals have pleas of help we do not listen to.
And it is not only a personal plea, but they act from a collective consciousness with the greatest good in mind.
All of this, like with anything else, asks of us to be super-conscious. That’s really not an odd thing to ask is it, in this day of age?
How long will we continue operating on blind cruise control and deny every bit of intelligence we innately have and that is innately all around us, in order to have immediate satisfaction that has long term destruction written all over it?
The sacred will not await us to realize its sacredness.
I’ve gone through my own personal evolution with this, in dealing with my own challenges with my four rabbit companions….I say four, as I’ve mentioned Twinkie, the only other male rabbit and animal companion I had in my life for only one Summer.
Here’s that evolution.
I was a young girl of 12 when Twinkie was in my life and we discovered his having been born with abnormal teeth that grew the opposite way – the upper grew inside the lower rather than over and outside of them. This created major issues and needed weekly trimming. At my age, I was not able to decide for him and had no understanding like I do now of how to care for this or what options were viable. Hence, he was put to sleep by the opinions of the vet and my parents.
This was devastating for me, as he was my first furry companion. It felt to be a more unconscious act, although understandable at the time. I also was destroyed by my emotional attachment and didn’t understand as a little girl.
Then there was Nestor. She died a horrendous death. In her process of wanting to transition I would not let go. I did everything energy-wise and through vet appointments and surgery to keep her with me. I was not able to let my twin soul go. I stayed up with her all night, for nights, administering all my energy and power and love to ensure keeping her alive and not leaving. In the end she went traumatically, and I was able to grow through that experience she devised for me through that process.
Then there was Joy. She came upon sudden challenges that all came crashing down quickly. She wanted me to not have guilt that I had with Nestor, since I’d been the one that gave her medications that she choked upon to death. Joy gave of herself to go through surgeries to help me know I did it all possible and yet in the end it was still her time. Yet her sacrifice was to assist no guilt on my part and also had me not see her pass so she could give me peace, since she transitioned after I dropped her off for overnight care at the ER. And yet, in the end she had been diminished to nothing. And to see her little body so weakened and tiny, deeply saddened my heart.
Each experience with all of them taking me to greater depths of growth and understanding, with a full circle of experiences.
I became known as someone who would, as I said, do anything to support my loved ones as the equal beings they are to have every chance in the world to do what they desired.
And they assisted that process in the way that would most support my evolution as well and learning.
In comes Cosmo.
Having gone through all I had, my greatest desire for my little ones became the focal point of peace. Not of prolonging life, but painless transitions and honoring of their desires. Learning to let go and focus on their greater good.
Cosmo then took me one step further with this and challenged me with the greatest thing he knew I feared. Something I’d mentioned many times I did not want to be faced with. Which I know most everyone doesn’t want to face. I did not want to have to make the decision to assist his passing.
And yet, his one wish was just that.
Wise he is, knowing how this not only was his personal mission to others, but encompassed a mission that would involve me and my own, along with a greater evolution I’d yet reached.
Everything I’d been through prepared me for this moment. And within those five days I had to come to full embodied understanding, he and I succeeded together in aligning everything within each of us for this ultimate activation of empathic intelligence from the heart.
I know this is a long, long share, so if you’ve made it this far, I thank you and ask to please bear with me some more, as this to me is part of the honor Cosmo deserves and I’m committed to providing since he’s designated me as his voice.
I only hope to do his message the honor it and he deserves.
So this brings us to Monday, as shared, and all things coming together in having the peace necessary to proceed by both myself and Dave.
And it was a sunny, baby blue sky day. So perfect, as I’d mentioned the whole day before it rained profusely, then this clearing for him, and the night and morning after his passing it rained more and even snowed a bit.
There was an opening and the time was right.
I planned to make it a special day, which I’d been doing all weekend, but there were more promises I had to keep for him.
So I gave him all his usual food and lots of treats – his favorites. Then I gave him a bath and dried and groomed him to make him all clean and lovely, plus sharing one of our favorite times together as we had enjoyed every day for the last nearly two years of this.
And after, I set him up on the biomat to give him some peaceful healing energy to prepare him, while Dave and I enjoyed a picnic lunch on the bed next to him, so that he was not alone and so that we had sustenance to carry us through the day.
I had come to see that as much as he was still alive, he was very thinly connected to his body at this time, since he was already preparing for his journey.
Dave then prepared a bag of chopped up strawberries and apples – his favorite – and we loaded him in his orthopedic bed on my lap in the car to make our way to the vet who was about an hour and 15 minutes drive away.
This was perfect, as my last promise to him was that I would take him to the lake itself so that he could see it, smell, and feel the energy of its power and the beauty Nestor and Joy, as well as Gaia, had all had the pleasure to experience too. Although, he was the only one who stepped foot on Lake Tahoe’s beach herself.
As soon as we got in the car and on the main road to our lake destination, our first sign came in.
From the distance I saw a large bird flying toward us. And as it came closer I realized instantly in my heart it was a hawk. Not sure what kind, but it was very large and as it got close it then hovered with its wings steadying it and then came to land on the very top of a pine tree in full sight to see its beautiful detail.
Not only are hawks my spirit guides and I’ve recently posted about them, again, but this also connected with when I first brought Cosmo home, as you can see in this excerpt I’ve shared before, which includes that “mission” has been the guiding force for our connection from the get-go:
“I will say that, like with all things in my life, there is no randomness about it. I sensed this was something big for me…a mission in fact. And that was reiterated the day I picked Cosmo up. On my way out a hawk (one of my major animal totems at this time in my life) was sitting on the light post giving me the support, and on the way home, another. But while driving, a dear friend called that knew I was on my way to get him and she was sending me love and support. I said out loud to her, there was just something about this that I knew was so much bigger and I used the word “mission” to describe it. And immediately after we got off the phone, a song came on and the words said, “it’s more than just a mission….” and at that exact simultaneous moment, I was just crossing over “Mission St.” I got chills and knew in my heart everything was in divine grace.”
We then got to the beach we had chosen and had our special time with Cosmo, where we snapped some beautiful memories too.
My favorite photos were the ones that showcased Cosmo himself, in all of his glory.
His peaceful presence.
His dynamic charisma, joy, and strength.
His fragility, but power, with eyes that pierced your soul with love and inspiration.
And his exuberance, as he prepared to take literal flight.
And all along the drive and there on the beach, we gave him his snacks of strawberries and apples in as much abundance as he desired, since it was one of his greatest joys.
Right before arriving at the vet, we played his special song twice to him, one that has been dear to him and I and is perfect for his essence and the message to him, as you can see at the link. And here’s the song itself:
Then we went in and met with the vet, who was just as compassionately gentle as I’d remembered her. Dave came to see this immediately too and we both knew Cosmo was in the right hands without a doubt, and this little rabbit in the corner of the room behind him was a sign and message of support from Nestor and Joy, since they were both lop-eared rabbits:
Without going into too much detail, it was a very beautiful process with much support.
I had previously over the last days told him everything in my heart I needed and wanted to, so this was simply a last reiteration and us releasing him to be free, but to know we honored and loved him, were grateful, and that we’d be with him every step of the way, as he bravely took his journey.
We had some lovely moment like this one between Dave and Cosmo, where Cosmo demonstrates his constant love in ways not usual for a rabbit:
He did not display the same on video with me, as our time was far too intimate to be shared in this way. We giggled over that, as I got the message from him saying, “I don’t want that out there, as that’s our private stuff. 😉 ”
He was taken back only for a few minutes to prepare his catheter to receive the injections. Then returned to us for more connecting.
What truly moved me most was when the doctor began the first injection that puts them into a peaceful slumber before the last injection.
Cosmo reached his head out to her hand and licked her profusely while doing so. She mentioned he also did so when she prepared the catheter.
His way of saying thank you, and demonstrating the huge heart of compassion he had in gratitude and also wanting everyone to know there was peace here and he wanted no guilt on anyone’s part.
He moved me to tears with this act, as right until the end he was an ever-giving flow of love, just as his enlarged physical heart was indicative of.
And then within moments he was gone, while I held his paw in my hand as he passed.
What also made an impression on me was how beautiful and angelic he looked, as he always had. This was such a gift to see, as it not only reiterated the complete peace that had been honored, but was such a contrast in what I’d seen with Nestor and Joy, both leaving this world under conditions that left their physical bodies completely depleted and although at peace in soul, their bodies were quite traumatized.
This experience with Cosmo was pure grace.
As we left the vet to visit my parents and connect with them over the news, since they lived only minutes away, another sign came in.
Again, it was hawks.
I had just been telling Dave not long before that he had taken to flight and was flying with his friends now. And as I said it inside of my head, I looked up and saw four hawks circling around together.
I turned to Dave with excitement and said, it’s Cosmo with Joy, Nestor, and Gaia!
Talk about powerful indeed.
After visiting with my parents, we made our way back up to the lake.
I’d taken with us the stuffed, enchanted rabbit that was both Joy’s and Cosmo’s surrogate bunny friend and was infused with both of their energy now, along with his special rainbow heart blanket gifted by a special friend for him, which reflected the Rainbow Bridge he would be journeying across.
I’d had it with us to comfort him and was at his side when he passed too, for him to know that Joy, his beloved, was both in spirit and physical by his side.
But now, this surrogate rabbit would become my own and has not left my side since, while I’m at home. It is infused with their energies and comforts me, as well as provides that bit of magick that they both had enjoyed from it as well.
We decided to make a stop at the lake ourselves just to watch the sunset. The day ended beautifully and we caught these photos of his perfect day coming to closure including me with my magickal rabbit that embodies both Cosmo’s and Joy’s energies.
It was hard to return home as his energy is so strongly still here. Not only because he was a part of every minute of my day with things I did to care for him and connect, but also because his energy is so strong and perhaps because the veils are so thin.
I find myself constantly looking for him or feeling him where he used to be, and know that he IS with me and within me. It was a challenging first night, as I woke up not having him to look after, and laid in bed over an hour thinking of him. And then woke in tears, as my mourning process moves through me naturally.
It is no coincidence that he left at this time also, right before we are about to move into our new home and say goodbye to the Magick Bus. There are so many memories here, that it will be good to physically separate from it and create a new space. He also knew that there would be a lot of work over the next weeks involved with this move and things would be easier for him to assist from outside his body, rather than in it.
He’s always thinking of our highest good.
And in our high elevation new home at nearly 7500 feet, we will be in our “castle in the sky” closer in connection to his off-planet eternal existence.
Yesterday was a little bit better than the day before, as every day will be and always is, although peace does fill my experience despite the normal human heart flow of emotions that will process over time.
After a day of processing and beginning this post, which I’ve concluded today, we went out for a hike to just allow nature to do its healing and reflections.
And there I experienced the message of all being in alignment in quite literal and incredible ways.
We were led to access a different part of a trail we’d not been on before.
At the start I found this pure white quartz stone…small, but lovely and with sparkles. It felt like Cosmo’s essence.
And not long after we got on the trail I’d asked Cosmo for a sign through a feather. Immediately I looked down and on the path there was a tiny, soft, down feather right in front of me.
It embodied his angelic sweetness and was like from an angel’s wings. The message there was that small is potent and not all messages and things need to be blaring and dramatic with flashing colors and big physical presence.
The power of presence is in the essence.
Cosmo was both fragile and strong. Vulnerable, yet powerful.
And what I noticed very dramatically right away after his passing is that I seemed to integrate this essence of his into my own.
I’ve experienced a new softness I cannot explain other than that it’s deepened me into a layer of myself that feels like the womb of divine love and grace. I speak differently and I have this peace about everything far greater than I’ve known as yet. And I see it physically in my face manifested as well with a new softness exuding outward from within.
But the biggest sign was literally signs, or rather plaques, that we came upon near the end of our hike, off-path a bit on a hidden tree.
Here is what we found:
These two name plaques hanging on a tree commemorating loss of animal companions, but not random that the two names are basically mine and Cosmo’s with only one letter in each being different.
The letter “i” in mine instead of “y” and the letter “m” missing in Cosmo’s.
Let’s see, “i” and “m”….”I’m” or when said together sounds like “I am.”
Both states of “beingness” which is harmony and peace manifest and how he and I, how we all are, unified as One in this synergy of connection and natural cycles.
To say wow, is an understatement.
There was a beautiful essence of golden ancient presence that lingered in the sun’s portal energy, closing out the day and messages of all being in divine order and grace.
Dave asked me after Cosmo journeyed forward, what I was going to do with all the time I had now that the together time with him would no longer be there in my days.
I said in reply that I will complete my book…my mission…our shared mission…while continuing to listen to his and my other companions’ guiding messages and inspiration to infuse in everything I do for the rest of my days here on Earth.
Everything I do and share as an embodiment of all that I’ve learned and hold sacred and dear is in honor to Cosmo and my beloveds who are with me as much now as they ever have been and in honor of sacred Terra and my guardianship of that sacred relationship that is a gift and not an entitlement.
This post is in reverence to Cosmo and the important message he wanted me to impart.
He is an incredible soul who has made his way back to the Cosmos from which he came through a perfectly navigated journey by an astounding being and my personal hero.
Some of you have met Cosmo in person and so many others have shared how he’s touched your life even without the in-person connection.
All of you know how incredibly dear he is to me.
Our lights not only mirror one another, but have merged as One.
It’s been a huge year of immense transformations on so many levels and supporting two of my dear ones into the eternal within 4 months of each other, alongside all of it, has been tremendous and evolutionary.
I know many of you have seen your beloveds journey as well recently, or perhaps will soon, and I know they are all supporting us collectively in these intense yet rich shifts on Earth.
May Cosmo’s purity speak the innocence of his wisdom to your heart, as he has for mine.
And, may you be as One with Nature’s Rhythms, embrace the Great Mystery, and embody Sacred Union with Spirit a little more each day of the rest of your life here on Mother Earth.
Note: Synchronously, as I completed writing Cosmo’s story and message, I received a call from the vet that his ashes were ready for me to pick up. Again, no coincidence in divine timing and full circle, peaceful closure. I will be donating his food and supplies I’ve been storing on the Magick Bus to El Dorado Animal Services Department, which is a shelter and adoption center here locally in South Lake Tahoe.
Not A Victim, But An Instigator of Awareness and Peace: A Message from Cecil via Animal Communicator Catherine Albertson
As promised, here is the second post with a special and, what I feel to be, very important message channeled via Catherine.
I want to thank Catherine Albertson for sharing this, which is a way to see and feel beyond only the human perspective and idea of suffering, into a wider perspective of the whole.
What is shared through Catherine is a message that comes through the mouth of a soul that chose an animal body to create the experience and pivotal shift individually and collectively agreed upon.
I have and continue to try to help people to understand the universally broader perspective that steps outside of the limited ego and emotional bodies we attach to and stay stuck in much of the time, as I come in contact with a lot of animal activists and sensitives who ask me many times how I deal with the tragedies of animal abuse and killing and stay grounded and balanced.
In many of my classes, as we speak about energy and healing, I will share a wider perspective in offering to help people move through, expand, and understand more deeply a way to let go of the idea of suffering and pain. To see that there is potentially much more than meets the eye to open to.
This is something Nestor so poignantly helped me to really learn and understand myself, which has helped shift everything for me, as a sensitive myself that picks up everything consciously and subconsciously, that connects me even more with all of life and the collective consciousness – the bigger divinely conscious picture.
The message Catherine channels is exactly how it is with all of the animals….we just have our attachments to ideas on things.
This was a self sacrifice that has a profound, and lasting effect upon the mass consciousness – a divine plan done in soul-consciousness to create opportunity for collective shifting.
Here is Catherine’s share:
“In light of the recent outpouring of attention for Cecil the Lion, I was drawn to connect in with him, as I felt there was more to be shared from his perspective. It can be hard to make sense of such tragic situations from our human viewpoints, and by connecting with the bigger picture as relayed by the animals, we may find some comfort.
“Know I am at peace. There is a level of agreement, a soul contract.. I feel no resentment towards this man. This has been part of his journey, his evolution of consciousness, and for all who witness and are affected by this unfolding of events.
Anger is not the way forward. Disconnection is what has created the hole in the human heart that must kill for enjoyment – it is no fault of anyone’s – but a vivid illustration of the state of collective humanity. Indeed, the response is also a reflection of what people are no longer willing to tolerate.
The immense opposition is necessary for change – the act of dying was necessary for it to be witnessed. Do not see me as a victim, but as an instigator of awareness and peace – of respectful and honourable interactions between species. This is the way.
Use the rush of heightened emotion to act, to make a positive difference. To let others know this CAN NOT continue. It goes against the laws of nature – and none will suffer more greatly than humanity if this continues to be disregarded.
The pain and fear experienced by my physical being was disengaged as I prepared to leave my body. There are two levels of functioning, and in such times it is possible to remove one’s consciousness from the active experience of suffering.
My spirit is strong, and continues to be. I honour the shifts occurring. Trust in this process as a catalyst for change.”
Immense gratitude to this incredible being.” ~ Cecil via Catherine Albertson
I had the honor and opportunity to connect with the beautiful Catherine Albertson, also known to many as Catherine Adela, while up in British Columbia during our Horses & Reiki retreat. This is the first of two posts I’m going to share today about Catherine.
This first post introducing her a bit, how she and I connected, and the beautiful gift of hers I’m enjoying. I love celebrating and sharing about the amazing souls that are paving a new reality, lighting the way, and creating change by what they embody and share as gifts in service.
The second post will expound on a recent event that has really affected a lot of people and I feel is important to share with an important message channeled via Catherine. So stay tuned for that shortly.
Catherine shares her gifts as an Animal Communicator and is also certified and well-studied in the areas of Animal Reiki, Shamanic Healing, Flower Essences, Crystal Therapy, and Healing Prayer.
What a precious soul she is and I’m so grateful that she took the time to share her passions with me and to bring Janet (my dear friend and one of the women sharing the weekend) and me to visit her place of work at O.W.L. – The Orphaned Wildlife Rehabilitation Society, which is “dedicated to public education and the rehabilitation and release of injured and orphaned birds.”
That provided me opportunity to connect up close and personal with the bird souls that are so dear to me, including my favorite Barn Owl.
I learned that we shared many loves, including Reiki, animals, and creating essence elixirs.
Mine are focused on crystals alone, while Catherine creates beautiful essence blends that carry the energetic frequency of the flower, gem, or environment from which they were made. She works primarily with the Alaskan Essences and Green Hope Essences lines, pulling from a wide variety of essences to come up with custom blends, tailor-made for individuals and animal companions for what they need most.
I asked her to create a custom essence blend for me, which magickally arrived all the way from British Columbia on the day of the Aquarius Full Blue Moon! No random coincidence on that!
It is an amazing blend of 10 essences, in which half of them came from the Alaskan Essences – no surprise there! The rest included 2 Pacific Essences, 1 Living Tree Orchid Essence, and 2 African Tree Essences.
She asked if I had specific intentions, but instead I shared the “essences” of things I wanted it to incorporate and then asked her to intuit the magickal rest, and receive the messages most aligned for me at this time.
I can’t begin to tell you how perfect the 10 essences are on so many levels. They include:
Cow Parnsip • Sunflower • Gold • Northern Lights • Fairy Slipper • Windflower (Pacific Essences) • Whale (Pacific Essences) • Positive Flow (Living Tree Orchid Essences) • Tree of Light – The White Stinkwood (African Tree Essences) • Whale Song Wisdom (African Tree Essences)
Along with the custom essence blend she provides a written, very detailed report of each of the essences and their properties, energetic frequencies, and effects.
I was so grateful it arrived on the Full Blue Moon, so immediately I decided to put it out in the garden overnight, to activate and supercharge it in the moonlight and sunlight of the following day’s August 1st celebration of Lammas – “first harvest”.
I intuited it wanted to be activated and infused by placing it on the top of my Garden Tower, in the soil amidst the abundance of plants growing there, along with 3 crystals surrounding it – my large Record Keeper Herkimer Diamond, my Golden Selenite Flower, and my Rainbow Obsidian.
I put it out in the late afternoon on July 31st and took it in late morning of August 1st.
I love this blend and between Catherine’s amazing custom essence, my crystal elixirs, and a cosmic crystal flower elixir from another “star” friend of mine – Dove of BLOOM: bohemian love Of OM, I’m flying high indeed, as you know I’m taking them all!! I like to do things big! 🙂
Catherine’s blend is so amazing and reflected everything that has been speaking to me, including how much I’ve been tuning in to the Whales and turning my focus more to them these days. I’ve always been with the dolphins, but I’m reminded again that Whales are calling to me, as they did when I was a little girl – I always did my science projects in school on animals and in 4th grade it was the Blue Whales.
Catherine shared with me when she finished the blend:
“A beautiful supportive selection of essences came up, dear Tania, including not one but TWO whale essences. Expansive whale consciousness is huge for you right now, I can feel them hovering around you. They’re asking you to connect to the waters, particularly the coastal oceans, that links you to them no matter how physically far away they may be. Lots of magic there in whale medicine!!!”
I’m feeling that expanse indeed and am grateful for this special blend to aid the opening journey I’m traveling on.
If you’re interested in learning more about Catherine and all the amazing services she offers, or are interested in your own custom blend for yourself or an animal companion please visit and contact her with inquiries here:
Thank you Catherine!
I highly recommend Catherine, her services, and her essence blends. From the moment I held and placed the first drops on my tongue, I felt the rippling of frequencies flowing and activating. Can’t wait to see how things evolve from continued use. I’m only at day 3 so far, but the shifts are in effect. And I’m definitely feeling my Whale brothers and sisters more deeply, not to mention feel ever more so in my essence with all this support I’m nurturing myself with.
Love consciously living a magickal life. When you believe, everything turns to gold.
Little by little they’ve been bonding, but I’ve been doing it slowly and intuitively, as to what they were ready for. I wanted to allow them time to feel comfortable, create a sense of connection without force on their own, and for them both to make peace with the space we share in my office.
Since it has always been Joy’s sacred space, I had to manage this carefully, as she is very boundary-oriented.
So I allowed them the time to get acquainted with separation via Cosmo’s pen, which also kept him safe from the kitties while everyone adjusted and also ensures no pee accidents. 🙂
And they had their sweet moments, as well as a few scuffles. But all in all, they were getting used to each other and learning the rules and mutual honoring.
Then there was the one day a while back where I put Cosmo out next to me by my desk and Joy came over and they were third eye to third eye for a long time. It was then that I knew she had decided it was time to teach him Reiki level 1. She had been waiting for the right alignment.
They have bonded over their physical challenges since, as they both were together at the vet when Joy had the eye problem that turned into her being blind in one eye, and Cosmo was exhibiting his own challenges.
And they continued to bond further while in Big Bear, as I would leave Cosmo out more while I cleaned his pen, and also at night when I would exercise him and have snuggle time. They checked in on each other and were curious. Cosmo would run circles with my help and Joy would watch. And at times they’d bump together and there was a little “hey watch out!” that took place.
But as mentioned at onset of the post, it wasn’t until we arrived home that things took a huge turn.
That evening Joy had been recalibrating herself in the living room on her pillow throne from the road trip journey and I took Cosmo out to do his normal exercising and snuggling. I have a new routine for him that no longer needs the long ramp shoot we made for him. He is so excited when I put him down, that as long as I stabilize him by just holding my hands at his sides for support, he can run laps like crazy! It makes me giggle with delight each time, as he actually tuckers me out since I am running behind him being careful not to step on him, but keeping up with him, while I am bent over foreward, holding my hands at his sides.
So much fun! We use his favorite strawberries to motivate him, giving him a tiny piece each time as reward. It’s truly turned into the best thing, as no longer does he feel handicapped. I moved him away from his little wheel cart, then to the ramp, and now to freedom with only mom’s hands helping him to keep upright. I really am not doing much but keeping him from falling, by gently having my hands at his sides for support.
He loves this, as we are working as a team together and since I’m behind him, he doesn’t see me so he feels like a free bunny running at leisure. It’s just more natural in general and I really love that we’ve moved to this level, as it’s so much more enjoyable for him.
I love this, as he can now feel like the bunny he used to be and has so much more freedom, which to me is most important. That’s also why I take him out several times a day and in the evening, so he isn’t in his pen all the time.
However, this evening upon return, Cosmo did a special thing after running his laps.
He shimmied his way over to Joy who had come to the carpet to watch his running spectacle, and started cleaning her. He licked and licked and licked her little head, grooming and loving her. This was the first time this has happened and Joy was in bliss, accepting the love and respect. It was so, so cute to witness and it really warmed my heart, as I knew this was the turn of events that would change things and take their relationship to a whole new level.
It was so wonderful for both of them, as Cosmo got to do what he loves – give – and Joy was open to receiving, which she hadn’t been before. Each then were also giving and receiving in return, from their acts of openness, what they both needed and wanted, which was connection.
The next day, Monday, I followed my intuition and decided to take Cosmo out for the entire day. I placed a towel down in my room and let him remain out next to me. He stretched himself out immediately, feeling comfy and relaxed, so I gave him a Reiki and Crystal massage, after which I let him rest with his Selenite on him so that he could absorb the supportive, healing energy. He loves his Crystal energy work time. All of my animal companions are big time Crystal lovers like mom. 🙂
He is exceptionally intelligent and respectful, so he always tells me when he is hungry, needs to pee, or wants something. So I would just pay attention intuitively to him and when I saw him shift behavior I put him in his pen to eat or pee, then brought him back out.
But I kept him out and what happened is that Joy would wander over and they would spend time together hanging out, he would clean her, and they would just be like buddies. Sometimes doing their own thing during nap time, and other times engaging.
It was also this day that Joy decided to teach Cosmo Reiki Level 2. I talked to Joy earlier on this day, suggesting it might be a good time since I wanted to enlist them both together with me as a team for something distant.
I always know when they are communicating because there is a lot of close third eye or crown connecting, close bonding, but with some twitches on Cosmo’s part, and combinations of sitting still with little touches and nudges, as the transfer of information and energy takes place.
And so it is that Cosmo has received his Reiki 2 and Joy has been such an excellent teacher. I am so proud of them both.
Not only have they bonded more deeply, but are deepening that relationship to extend past friendship into a beautiful mentoring connection.
I have only ever had one bunny at a time, so to have them both together and bonded as they are, is really a gift. I can’t tell you how special it is for me to look over and see them both interacting, and to now feel all three of us as a more cohesive team than ever before.
Yesterday, I decided to work on the floor with them again, as it just feels more natural to me in general and I love being surrounded by my bunny loves. I was in Faery heaven, as the two of them would be right next to me on either side, or together, and we were all sharing in the work and energy.
Since Cosmo has come into my life my office has truly become a rabbit warren. I even have my painting “Once in a Blue Moon” hanging on the wall over his pen so that Nestor is watching over us all, and both Joy and Nestor watch over him. And I have a beautiful custom rabbit plaque that a dear Pisces friend of mine, Mitch, sent me for my birthday that hangs at the entrance of our room.
And basically all of their things fill my room.
And now, I am transitioning Cosmo. As the past two days I have kept him out all day, which he is loving and it makes me so happy to have him free now. I am able to leave them alone…even went out on errands for an hour and they were fine. I have no concerns about them together and I’m now seeing if I can ensure teaching Cosmo to use his pee pad no matter where he is.
As mentioned, he’s soooo good about that. He will never pee on me when I hold him, bathe and dry him, or when he’s out. He holds it until I put him back in his pen and immediately then does so. Or, he lets me know he needs to go with a little nip, or stirring. So far, I tried one day on Monday of just listening to him and placing him in his pen when he needed to go, but yesterday I decided to see if I could just have him do it on his pee pad in the room. I’m happy to say that yesterday was a success, and so has today been so far, so I am going to continue this for about a month to see if he will continue consistently to know to go to his pee pad when he needs to pee. If so, I will be able to completely remove the pen altogether and have them both free in my office. Yay!!
I also have to make sure Joy doesn’t get any funny ideas on things, as she’s already somewhat decided his hay his hers too. LOL! Cosmo at first was like “ummmm” and then he just let it go. But Joy has a tendency to pee in hay since hers is set up as a dual litter/hay box, so I’m keeping an eye out. She may not realize his is purely a hay box, as he pees on pee pads, unlike her in a litter box.
It’s definitely a full time investment of love here, but it really is one of the most important things in my life that I am happy to invest in, as I can’t tell you how rewarding it is to see them together, have them happy and thriving, to be with them and work with them, and know that I am supporting these amazing beings into their power. I know they have a mission, and I know part of that is the work together with me, so it’s important to me that I provide the nurturing and cultivation that supports their individual and collective paths.
I have such an amazing relationship with them and our communication couldn’t be more clear. We understand each other with beautiful clarity and it’s one of the most enriching parts of my life here on Earth to cocreate in partnership with them.
They are my connection to natural harmony, reminding me of the “nature” within.
My sweet friend, Njari Johnson shared a beautiful story this morning about a woman – Holly Tagg – and her horse companion – Abe -which really hit home. It reminded me so much about my relationship and bond with Nestor (my rabbit) and how the depth of love we shared was, and continues to be, the greatest teaching in my life.
My favorite excerpt from Holly’s story is this:
Towards the beginning of this new communication I was out in the pasture with Abe. He wanted me to put my hand in his mouth. I kept telling him no. I suddenly saw an image in my head. I assumed it was a flash of a past life we had together. I was riding him at a full gallop through a beautiful woods. I heard a roaring sound behind us. As I turned to look I saw the whole woods was on fire. I heard Abe say, “You used to trust me with your life, now you don’t trust me at all.” I felt horrible, I put my hand in his mouth. He promptly bit me! I said, “Abe that doesn’t bode well in the trust department!” He said, “I could have broken your skin or crushed your bones. I bit you to show you that the lessons I will teach you may be painful at times, but they will never crush or break you.”
This mirrors the kind of lessons I came to know well with Nestor.
I’m really excited to see more and more stories surfacing of amazing human and animal bonds, as well as animal communication coming to the forefront. It’s a testament to shifts taking place in the world, more people embracing all of life, and the value of partnering with Mother Earth, the Nature Realm, and all of her children.
You can read the full, beautiful, and tearful story of Holly and Abe here:
After having watched this absolutely beautiful documentary a couple of times, I couldn’t help but share it. A friend of mine sent me the link, feeling it aligned with me, and they were correct. I’ve just finished watching it again, filled with joyous tears from the stories experienced.
So many great stories and I especially love the story about “Spirit” whom you’ll meet in the film.
I feel this is such an important film with a timely message that goes well beyond its title. This is the first full length documentary film on the “art” of animal communication, which is wonderful, as so many people have strong disbelief around this subject. But as you will come to learn through watching it, there is much more you will take away from this film besides perhaps re-evaluating your beliefs.
This film beautifully highlights some of Anna Breytenbach’s devoted journey in interspecies communication and the remarkable clarity and accuracy of that exchange she receives, which has profound effects.
But this film also makes a key point that when we open our awareness and soften our experience, body and mind, we open the communication channels to a more pure connection not just with animals, but with ourselves, each other, the plants, the sky, the water, the Earth, and Universe at large.
With this wider perspective and conscious awareness, we experience how we are all a collective family dancing with life and each other. Yes, being alive is a gift and when we connect our individual, signature frequency with the frequency of the natural world around us, we align with the Earth’s frequency and understand the importance of a return to natural harmony and treating the entire inner and outer environment as a whole. The Elders and Indigenous Peoples have been sharing this understanding with us for a long time and the meaningful impact it has. And so have the animals. We just aren’t listening.
The question the film poses is this – once you know the message, how will you respond?
Anna’s goal is to raise awareness and advance the relationships among human and non-human animals, on both the personal and spiritual levels. In her communication and conservation work, she guides people to deepen their connection with all species in an honoring manner, and is inspired by being a voice for the animals and natural environments.
As Anna shares so simply about interspecies communication, “It’s NOT ‘supernatural’. It IS SUPER natural, as in VERY natural – simply the blueprint of our brains.”
I hope that you will take the time to watch this beautiful 52-minute film:
Today is a deeply sacred day to me, as it marks 4 years of my beloved Nestor being freed back to her cosmic expansiveness, as she transitioned out of the physical. I felt called to share my story of her passing, as it holds a lot of healing for me and perhaps may have something in it for someone else out there who has experienced traumatic feelings of loss, confusion, and depression. Some of my story may be a bit out there, but I will share nonetheless, as it is the truth of my heart.
Recently a friend had experienced a similar loss and in my sharing this story to help find meaning in their experience, I felt I was also being nudged to share it in a bigger way for others, as well as for Nestor and I. Interestingly, I was not conscious at the time of this taking place, just a couple of days ago, of how it was coinciding to today’s sacred symbolism. All things are divinely connected.
Nestor and I were connected beyond what people think of as human and animal companion. She is my twin soul. We had this inseparable connection that was magical, telepathic, powerful, and cosmic. She taught me the meaning of unconditional love and to do for love what I would neglect to do out of soul responsibility – so in essence, she always brought me back to my true essence self if I was led astray.
I could share many a story of our magical and beautiful relationship, but the part I wanted to express, for today, is how she transitioned.
Nestor had very expansive energy, much too big for her tiny rabbit body. She basically incarnated in order to be with me and to support me, and me her while she was here, but she wasn’t really in her body all that much, as she was constantly doing work elsewhere…if that makes sense.
I learned through her how to take care of rabbits properly, as she would often have health challenges because of blowing out her energy and my not knowing about rabbit challenges, at that time, that manifest physically was a handicap. So most of how we supported each other was energetically, as only specialized rabbit vets know and understand some of the intricate complexities and fragility of rabbits (and I did not find such a vet until her last vet visit). So the power of our connection and love, coupled with our both being energetic healers, was what got us through those five years together of physical challenges she had and emotional support I needed.
Nestor ended up having a lot of teeth problems that weren’t caught until much later. Long story short, but when she last took ill, I finally found a good vet and they did extensive dental work for her and treated her.
She returned home with me, but was not doing well. Her body was struggling between staying here on this earth or letting go to be in the expansiveness of the cosmic soul she loved to be. She stayed with me up until then, for and because of me and the love we shared, but ultimately she was not of this world and the time would come. This was her time.
I was fortunate to have help through an animal communicator during the last year or so of her life. She helped me through much with Nestor in understanding things that I couldn’t access at the time. Nestor and I had a telepathic connection, but there were times I needed to get clear and direct answers I couldn’t decipher.
Anyway, Nestor came home and was not well and needed to recover. I stayed up all night laying with her on the floor with my hands on her giving her Reiki, talking to her all night, and trying to pull her through. And she did make it to the next morning and through the day. What was odd is I found my “then” husband holding her, which she never let him do. She had been laying very still most of the day and I had been worried about her even though she made it through the night. I didn’t foresee that she was saying her goodbyes.
The physical trigger was, the vet had given me antibiotics I had to administer by syringe in her mouth and this was a challenge. Nestor was a very free and independent soul. She roamed the house without cage and had a litter box. She did not like to be held and we had an understanding and knowingness. She was always with me though and followed where ever I went and would lay under my easel when I painted and would let me cuddle her on the floor and hold her front paws in my hands, but her back feet needed to remain grounded.
So to give her meds was a challenge. Anytime I had to take her somewhere it was a huge and stressful process and I’d have to chase her down and put a towel over her to get her, but she struggled and I hated that.
Anyway, I did this and gave her her meds, but it was so hard. And not much after, she began convulsing and looking like she was choking, but rabbits don’t throw up. It appeared she was gagging and trying to bring something up and then started running around like crazy and upstairs and choking and gasping for air…I will bare any further details, but needless to say I was at a loss and couldn’t help her. I was calling on the phone but it was late and places were closed and we lived at the lake in Tahoe and nothing was near and I was frantic and then called my parents crying and going crazy. This was going on for what seemed a long period of her in this condition. And suddenly she screamed a horrible sound, which I had never heard. It is a profound cry that pierces the soul. I had read that rabbits never make noise unless in excruciating pain or passing on. She then fell over and I knew she was gone. My then husband tried giving her mouth to mouth, but it was over.
I went insane and I cried like I’ve never in my life and likely never will again. No death had ever affected me, as I always knew it as a cycle of life and I understood. But this was different. She was my other half and the pain was unbearable.
I later learned that the ominous haunting way I cried, which was like a mourning melody is called “keening” to the celtic wherein the cry sounds have music in them. And it was no wonder, as I have celtic soul pasts that were very profound (ones I’ve done healing integration with in this life) and in which Nestor was connected.
Needless to say, I couldn’t let her go and I felt guilty she had passed at my hand by administering her the meds that she choked on (which is what they discovered with autopsy, that the meds went down the wrong pipe because of her anxiety and stress.) Of course, that is how I saw it then in my grief. And now, I see it from another perspective, although the emotion of that traumatic sound/picture is imprinted within me.
Loss is always challenging when someone is in your heart so deeply. Yet, in time, we can grow from the experiences and create new processes of how to move with greater ease and grace through life by embracing our new perspectives.
Taking gentle nurturing time to honor the natural mourning and healing is important. The last memory may never leave altogether, but the way in which we view/feel it CAN over time. I know for me that it is still there if I think of it, but when I do, the duration of time I feel the emotion is short and I can move through it by embracing that it is normal to feel emotions and allowing them to freely move in and out doesn’t extend, hault or expound their effects.
I was depressed for a long time after her transition, and to this day, even now I cry because it is the most traumatic experience of my life.
However, it is also the most beautiful gift she continued and continues to give me. I likely will never “not” feel that emotion when I think of her, but I came to understand, with new perspective, the realization of the beauty and magic of it all. Even though my human heart will always love her beyond words and be moved by any thoughts of her. The expansive, universal soul heart of me however, does realize the bigger picture and she and I communicate and continue to enjoy a relationship on a whole other level, as we will for eternity.
There usually is a physical trigger in order for a soul to pass at the given time that they have chosen. Given our connection and what I had to learn and how I could assist Nestor, it had to be this way. It was what, on another level, we had chosen, even if my human self could not remember that. The core thing is, the soul knows when it is ready and wants to go and it was her time.
For herself, she needed to and for me, the only way I would move into the life I needed to, was for her not to physically be there. For as long as she was, she was my world. I did end up moving out and divorcing thereafter, which was something that I’d known could be coming and had been working very hard to not have that happen, to no avail. And once Nestor’s loving numbness of her presence left, I was left with the reality I knew I could not live with. I knew what a relationship was and it wasn’t what I had. I knew the life path I had and I wasn’t on it. So I had the strength to leave and to commit to my path ever more so and my work is infused with our Unity of Love.
Now there were two reasons for the passion of my devoted life commitments…One, for myself, as it is the life I came here to live from the authenticity of my heart. And two, out of the reminder of my other half’s (Nestor) ever-loving nudge that always keeps me on point due to the love we share and our oneness of being. She will never let me forget and I love her dearly for that. A true twin soul she is.
The scream Nestor let out as she left her body was both physical pain, as there is a transition the physical body goes through while still Earth-conscious to shift back into Universal consciousness, as well as was a huge scream of sheer joy in that release into her expansive soul form. She was both ecstatic and sad, painless and pain filled – all at once. That is Oneness – the state of All That Is simultaneously in integrative wholeness. It is the experience of duality within their union, simultaneously.
It was important that it happened with me, as she is my other half and for me to assist her desires and not be selfish as to my human needs, was important to realize, so I could move into that Universal consciousness of the collective soul that lies within. She had endlessly supported me and many others to the detriment of her physical body while she was alive, and now I had the chance to give her the greatest gift besides my love.
It was also important for my life path and the work/service I do, that I experience the extremity of pain like this, so that it would help me to get to deeper levels of unconditional compassion and love and it would help me to infuse that depth of feelings into my work/art. I was one who came into this life to experience the fullness of it and that, for me, is to know all levels of feeling so that I could also then learn how to integrate them and move beyond them, while not being attached and realizing the divine perfection within it all. In so doing, I can support others in doing the same.
There is more I could share, but I’d be here for forever and I just wanted to give you a glimpse of my experience, which while traumatic and threw me into depression, also held the most beauty, magic and growth at the same time. I understood that I needed to forgive myself, as she held no ill will towards me, as there was a divine synergy unfolding. I had to come to rejoice in knowing Nestor got her wish and she is now free to do the service she couldn’t fully do in body form, that she loves doing in her expansiveness.
To know one side of the coin of experience, is to create and know the other side, as they both are part of the oneness of life existing hand in hand. We live in a world of duality as humans in physical form, but the essence of Universal consciousness is an integration that combines the two into something that is both and neither, all at once. It’s not a simple concept to our minds to grasp, but there is divinity within all that we experience.
Nestor is still with me in powerful ways. We still share our love and companionship through continued communication of another kind. She may not be in physical form for me to snuggle with, touch or physically see, but I am now able to experience her in a bigger way. It’s just not the way she “used” to be. But she is more beautiful than ever. And she did bring me the gift of Joy, my new bunny love, whom she channels through. Joy is my beautiful, sweet bunny who is much more connected to the earth than Nestor was, but has access to the otherworlds as a messenger. It is a beautiful soul-ship we all three share. And of course there is Gaia, my beloved and powerful tortoise who also is deeply connected with us all. (Both Joy and Gaia have come into my room, as I write this)
I know that words don’t help when feeling pain, so I share my experience with vulnerability so that it may provide any form of support or message to whom ever may read and need what it expresses. It is best to take your time in healing through any major experience in life and to honor the mourning that is natural. Perhaps you might ask for messages from your beloved, in forms of signs or dreams that you can interpret, so that you may receive the healing you need.
I’ve come to see that many times physical loss, such as soul transitions, takes place at pivotal shifts and deeply transformative times in our lives. There is a web of life and magically supportive gifts within each experience for our perspectives to embrace. And within shifting perspectives, the opportunity for powerful soul growth.
I felt it was important to express this, if even just for myself, as each time I reflect, it brings greater depth to the healing integration.
Thank you for allowing me to share my most vulnerable heart experience.
Thank you Nestor for your endless, unconditional love. I love you eternally, my twin soul.