As we approach Spring Equinox, I felt a simple sound channeling wanting to come through that felt to reflect this shift from one season to another, from experience to experience, of releasing the old to step into the new, and that stirring of a seed within the dark, nurturing womb reaching through the dirt to touch its tendrils to the light. This is about the moments in between and the deliberate presence of breath during the transmutation….until the last moment. Much love to all.
Life wouldn’t be worth living without all of the enriching experiences, both challenging and sweet, that we encounter. And while I am living my current dream, it comes with all of that even though there is more solitude in our lives, as I then have deep personal reflections to process and integrate through all of the energies we encounter, Nature’s mirrors, and things that hit close to home. The latter of which I’m experiencing currently with Cosmo’s health and a physical challenge that has manifested.
For a couple of days I’d started to notice him sneezing a lot and could hear some congestion when he was chewing his food and licking me. I also noticed Joy was caring for him even more than usual and giving him Reiki.
So after the weekend, on Monday, I called around to find a good doctor that knows rabbits and was lucky to find one in Durango, forty minutes away. They had an appointment early the next morning, yesterday, so I took him in right away.
The doctor was so sweet and so knowledgeable. It is always such a relief when I find a vet that specializes in rabbits, as regular vets just don’t understand them and mostly focus on cats and dogs. So unless you find an “exotics” doctor, or one who has a lot of rabbit experience, you really don’t know what you’re getting, as rabbits are very intricate, fragile animals that have special needs and require special care.
So, it was wonderful to feel like Cosmo was in great hands and the doctor truly cared and was so intimately personal and not all about business. He listened and he was a gentle soul, while also providing great knowledge.
After examining Cosmo he came to the conclusion of believing he has pneumonia – something that can just happen due to age, as they are susceptible. His lymph nodes were pea-sized, his breathing a bit labored, and he could hear congestion in the lungs and nasal area, as well as by listening to his breathing with the stethoscope.
It isn’t definitive, as he said there’s the off-chance it could be allergies, which I’d also asked about, but we would treat the pneumonia, as that is critical, and see from there how he responds.
In all other ways he appeared healthy and fine. The doctor wasn’t concerned about things like cancer, Cosmo has a healthy appetite, which he demonstrated as usual in the office chewing away on his hay during the visit, has regular bowel movements and produces the needed cecotropes, etc. His weight was a little down from when I’d gotten him up to about 4.6 lbs, but at 4.4 lbs now the doctor didn’t feel concerned and that’s been about his average mainstay weight.
He said it was good that I caught things at such an early stage, as he usually sees people bringing rabbits in when it’s too late. Something to keep in mind in all cases with any animal, but rabbits especially do not have the leisure of our not being present and intuitive with them, as they are complex and fragile, despite their powerful medicine and individually powerful souls.
For now, he is on a two-time-a-day oral 1/2 tablet for seven days, which the doctor feels will do the trick, if in fact it’s pneumonia, which he’s had great success with and is safe for them, as opposed to other orals and antibiotics.
So for now, it’s a waiting game, along with lots of Reiki energy from both Joy and mom to see him through this.
Luckily his spirits are good, he continues to eat and eliminate well, but is needing rest and is challenged with the symptoms.
These are the times that challenge us as caregivers, moms, and dads.
The times when you love unconditionally, stay in trust without falling into the trap of worry as best you can since it will be picked up energetically by the receiver and not aid the healing process, have faith that everything is unfolding in a bigger picture way that has all souls’ best interests in mind despite what it seems, and continue to give in all the ways you are receiving from that love you share with them.
It’s hard to see our loved ones going through tough things and yet I feel the best I can do is to remain present and conscious of all that is going on so that I can best support the flow of energy.
That includes looking within myself as to what might be going on within me that I can help process along with him, as the causes and root can also be the parent’s experience. So when I root out things for myself and heal them, then Cosmo (our children) also receive the healing.
That’s when I immediately started looking at the reflections for myself of Cosmo’s pneumonia and what might be behind it.
While of course every soul has their own journey and they know when there time is, there are also tie-ins to us that help us to grow through the experiences due to our intimate connection with them. So whether that means we work through things and that heals us both, or we work through things and that heals us and releases them to peacefully move on – their work complete….it is always of benefit to look within.
And since I know I’ve had issues around my own lungs since I was very young, it definitely felt like an energetic theme of connection my dear little Cosmo, who is so connected to me, would mirror for me.
So knowing some of the things associated with lungs, I kept those in mind and also looked in all of my books on hand and found more on pneumonia from which I could weed through and find the things that resonated at heart for me to process.
Here are a bunch of things I found, of which half I could connect dots with for myself and things I had been currently processing:
Tired of life
Emotional wounds not healed
A sign that the process of communication with life including the nonmaterial ones, is disturbed. Caught up in conflict with your ego.
You’ve ended up in a life which is not appropriate for your real, true nature: an unconscious choice. Thus you must liberate yourself. Let yourself not be determined by past roads, or by a partner, etc. Build a new life on a more stable basis than formerly: on your deep, powerful Self. Draw your roots up from the old ground and hurry them elsewhere. Realize your complete existence and its dignity. Become conscious in each cell of your body. Turning away from your own divine source doesn’t let that internal fire heat your body.
And here is an affirmation to help process the above:
I freely take in Divine ideas that are filled with the breath and the intelligence of Life. This is a new moment.
I know that I had just recently worked through more layers of mourning and grief, having posted a video message and sound channeling on it, and also having a lot of friends around me that were seeing their animal companions move on to their eternal forms.
I also know that I’ve worked a lot this life, since onset, with old grief that was not of this life, but deep in my DNA and soul that I have diligently been integrating and releasing through.
I know that I’ve moved in and out of being “tired with life,” especially before our Magick Bus journey and there are times I process that, walking in and out of both vibrant excitement and letting go.
I know just recently I’d faced some challenges with what I felt guided to share in message through my new work, not knowing how to do it justice, and putting it on hold where I didn’t need to be.
I’ve also been embracing the need for just “being” and breathing in life right now without having to do anything else like I’ve also done in a very different service-oriented way than I’m called to now, life time after life time because I can, it’s my time, it’s my reward, and that “tiredness” can be renewed into freshness.
And I know I’ve definitely been building a new, more resonant, grounded, essence expressive life from the depths and power within me.
So, yes, I became even more conscious of every cell in my body that reflects things Cosmo may be experiencing through me and even in his own processes of life and where he’s at on a soul level with things.
Our children – both human and animal – are with us for a reason. Their challenges are not isolated to themselves.
I realize that if the decision to stay alive, for both of us, is our desire….then our lives must keep reflecting change that speaks of the essence of who we are at all times. That is something I’ve known now, which fueled our new lifestyle currently and all the new things I’ve been implementing and letting go of.
The process continues evolving and deepening and there are also new layers to the onion to reflect upon. Dear Cosmo is helping me to be extra diligent with it all and not miss a detail.
We must breathe in the breath of life in all fullness….filling our lungs with the sweet aroma of life – and that includes all depths of its richness that is inherent within every experience fully being experienced for what it is.
We must continue to integrate deeply into our powerful selves.
Yesterday I left early at 7:30 am to take my sweet baby to the vet.
The minute I turned onto the highway a hawk was sitting above my path on the light post.
Hawks have been around me so much these last few years and are always messengers of protection and good signs and insight for me, as well as have been guardians with their powerful medicine. They show up to watch over me and us. One had also been in the same place when I took Joy to the eye doctor when she first went blind.
So, I immediately felt peace and thanked hawk.
Later in the late afternoon/early evening, after a long day, Dave and I went out for a short hike on the Point Lookout Trail (which the photos in the post are from). It ascends 400 feet and out on to this ridge that drops off on both sides, taking you to the very end where you can take in the views.
Felt like a good place to be, to breathe in life and expand those lungs and ability to take in more of the gifts being in body has to offer.
On the way down we came upon a beautiful little rabbit. She touched my heart deeply and also felt like a blessing and reminder during challenged times.
This one had such cosmic eyes that kept glowing more and deepening more, the more I connected with her.
Dave left after a couple of minutes, but I remained talking with her for a while and she had no fear of me being so close with just the branches of a bush between us.
Her eyes just expanded and became more magickal, as we further connected. She felt not of this world, but in it….much as I am and have felt most of my life.
Was Nestor showing up in this little one?
I sent her energy and surrounded her with strength and protection, just as I felt her doing for me.
When I peer into the eyes of another, I see their soul, my own, and All That Is.
I felt she was also reminding me of trust and that inner peace, which will see all things through as they are meant to be.
It was I that left her, as she just stayed there and would have as long as I wanted.
I then literally trotted and skipped down the mountain to catch up with Dave, with my arms out and kept saying “I’m flying….I’m flying…” Dave saw and heard me as I caught up with him quite quickly, and giggled.
After we returned, I settled back in and gave Cosmo his second dose of meds, then sat in our rocking chair and held him to my chest, letting him rest while I gave him Reiki, love, and snuggles.
Just then a group of mule deer appeared in front of our RV and I held Cosmo up so he could see them too.
Their gentle grace and beauty surrounded us with love and I felt that no matter what happens in life, that all things were in Divine order and that I/we are always protected, supported, and loved.
I put my trust into the individual and shared journey and continue holding Cosmo in the light of that unconditionally faithful love.
Every thought you are thinking is creating your future.
Every breath you are taking is affirming your feelings.
Stay present to the breath of your heart.
When you are feeling really good, pay attention to how you are breathing.
When you are feeling frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion….pay attention to how you are breathing.
You are the power in your world to change how you feel by changing your way of receiving life with more conscious breathing and choices.
Matching and balancing your breath to your physical, emotional, and mental state becomes a dance that can either flow in graceful rhythm, or step all over itself in discord.
If you want to shift the rhythm of your dance, stay present with how you breathe in life.
If you want to be more compassionately empathic in your relationships with others and all of life, learn to match your breath to All That Is and you will understand on a deeper level.
Conversely, if you’d like to create collective shifts by embodying a certain vibrational experience, pay attention to regulating your breath in rhythm with your essence, so that others may know the experience of their own when breathing with you.
Breathing together balances and harmonizes.
You can choose to meet others in their breath, or receive their meeting with yours.
We are constantly being told to remember our breath and to breathe, which supports greater presence, balance, well-being, peace, and integrative flow.
Yet how many times do you catch yourself holding your breath when things get tense or stressful? Or finding joy in breathing “in” all the delicious newness you are anxious to experience, yet perhaps overlook the potency of the exhale and see it merely as part of the process to create a full breath?
I know I’ve been guilty of the first one and have worked at training myself to be present when that happens so I can move the energy through.
I find exhaling to be powerful and embodying the symbolism of release, sweet surrender, satisfaction, gratitude, and joyous pleasure. It’s not just merely the by-product of inhaling, but something that is equally potent and necessary to the whole. And when done with presence and embrace, can truly be
I was able to experience that sweet exhale this week when I was presented a challenge with my rabbit companions.
After my week away in Goshen, I returned to find both of my bunny loves, Joy and Cosmo, experiencing less than the robust health I’d left them in.
I’m highly attuned to their needs and instantly recognize when things are off with them…something you really have to be good at and committed to being present with when you have a bunny, as they are very physically fragile. Any little thing can turn into something huge if not caught immediately.
Needless to say, as soon as I noticed things I rushed them off to the nearest vet I could find open on a Saturday and Holiday weekend that knew rabbits since all the ones I knew were closed. I’d just barely walked through the door and put down my luggage before I was gathering them up in their travel bags to get them looked at.
And after that appointment it was clear to me I would be cancelling this week’s trip to care for them, as they are my priority.
Without going into detail, or venturing backwards into the past that is over, I’d rather focus on the here and now and their state of being currently.
Situations like this present a challenge to me to integrate, as I can’t allow myself to wallow in worry and sadness for their sake, so I immediately have to find a way to transmute that energy into encouraging gusto of love, nurturing, and supportive optimism when talking to them, as well as emotionally projecting. This is so because they pick up everything so so subtly and it doesn’t help them for me to get worked up, as they will take that on immediately and get worse.
So, I focused on the tasks ahead, the facts I needed to convey to the vet, and the encouragement they each needed, along with energy support to help them return to balance.
I’m happy to report that they have both emerged with extremely good bills of health after several rounds of vet appointments and some tests between Saturday and Wednesday. Between the Saturday to Tuesday wait time until the Holiday was over, I just kept focused on providing them lots of supportive nurturing.
I do still have one more test to run on each, but I’m confident all is well, given how everything turned around immediately with my care and attention, and the prognosis of excellent health they have and the tests that came back so far.
The only thing that has resulted so far from the challenges is that my precious girl, Joy, is now blind in her left eye. But her eye is healthy, has great pressure and with maintenance I need to administer, it will remain so.
The vets and specialists I went to all commented on how amazingly they both are doing for their older ages, specifically commenting that Joy is simply aging gracefully with only having one blind eye, as her health is extremely good and strong in all other ways.
Must be all that Goji juice, food monitoring, Reiki energy, and love. I was grateful to receive the vets’ compliments as to my care, since having 9+ year old (and in Joy’s case – potentially 11 years old) rabbits that are in such good health despite their each having one physical disability is quite rare in what they experience with rabbits. They are not incapacitated in their vibrancy and motivation, regardless of their physical handicaps. If anything, they have turned those handicaps into gifts.
It goes to show you that you can live a good and healthy life no matter what your condition may be, if you take care of keeping all things balanced, shifting your perspective on “limitations”, and making healthy choices in the quality of things put into the body, as well as fed emotionally, mentally, and spiritually into it.
I’m happy to share that Cosmo is back to being strong again, without the issues he had developed over the week, and Joy is embracing her new condition with grace as well.
Joy’s eye feels to be connected to things I’ve been focused on in terms of inner vision and taking that to a new level, which I’ve been talking about and looking into. I know she was being watched over, as the day I took her to the eye specialist my Hawk spirit guide was waiting on the light post to the ramp exit I needed to take to her appointment, and when I arrived back home, a Raven swooped across the front of my car as I pulled up the driveway.
While in the last appointment I took both of them to, I experienced the heavy energy of transitions, which seems to be a theme right now with all the shifts going on in big ways. So many people were there walking out of the office in tears, as their animals had been put to sleep. I had an extra long wait because they were so booked with these appointments.
And since I had explored this possibility with my two loves over the days I waited to get in on appointments, I was able to do some soul searching and find my strength that Nestor had gifted me in terms of this kind of experience.
So after allowing myself to experience these emotions, I made peace with whatever was to be, or will be in the future, knowing that of course I will have my emotional release whenever the time presents itself, but that the main thing to focus on was cherishing every single precious moment I do have with them and in life in general.
This also has been heavy on my mind for quite some time and is why I have been arriving at decisions in my life I’m making that will change the course of things and also support my belief in this being the most important thing to do. Quality of life is valuable to me and that includes being able to enjoy it and share it with those I love and doing all that brings me most joy and inner harmony.
I am quite blessed to have two amazing special needs bunnies that have much to teach me and others through their physical disabilities.
Although I cancelled this week’s trip in order to be with them, I am being gifted tenfold for that not only in quality time to be with them, but integration and nurturing time that mom needed, while remaining off of work so I could focus on them and myself some more.
My bunny loves know mom as much as she knows them. They always know what to do to get my attention and to help me to make the choices out of love, I may neglect out of responsibility for myself.
Reminds me of another special soul, Nestor, who was the Queen of that. Since they receive guidance from her, I am feeling quite loved by all three of them.
And so I’ve experienced the value and amazing power of the exhale this week, as I consciously was focused on that with each conscious breath…today being the best one yet where I felt such a deep sweetness, beauty, and all-encompassing powerful release, surrender and joy when I let go with gratitude and embrace of the moment. It actually filled me with joyous tears that choked me up and felt expansive, while my lungs were in fact deflating.