Today would have been the 2 year anniversary of my precious rabbit, Cosmo, having first entered and graced my life with his presence. But he was long before that spreading his messages of healing, as an ambassador of compassion and peace for the Humane Society International – End Animal Testing Campaign in China.
This is an ad from that campaign where Cosmo is featured with actress Zhu Zhu – the first Chinese celebrity to ever speak out about animal testing in China.
I am honored that I could help continue to bring his messages and be his voice for the time he was with us and will continue to spread his message.
I’ve written extensively about him in my blog and shared what he taught everyone who came in contact with him and experienced his unconditional and unwavering love and peace, despite having lived an extremely challenged life and being a special needs rabbit.
Today, and always, I honor this incredible soul that changed me forever in the best of ways and continues to make a difference in the world.
Yesterday I received another very loud, clear, and blaring message from my sweet rabbit and soul companion, Joy, as you can see in this photo from our hike. As we were descending the mountain, our attention was drawn to the left and there in clear letters was her name deliberately written in the snow upon a rock. Incredible.
You may remember the sign from Cosmo after his transition and messages I’ve been getting from Joy since my dream of her about a week and a half or so ago where she was getting my attention to “hear” and “listen” to something coming, which could be tangible or telepathic.
Immediately following the dream, my bunny loves have been super active in showing up with messages, gifts, and their presences, but especially so, Joy has been with very tangibly seen messages and several times with her name appearing in huge letters.
Yesterday Joy’s message showed up right after I’d spent the last five minutes deeply immersed in thinking about my bunny loves and was getting teary eyed, feeling the tug at my heart strings.
Joy’s message felt fourfold.
- I felt that she was wanting me to know how much they were with me and to feel their love and “joy” in my heart to heal any sadness present.
- I felt that she was messaging me again to keep listening, being ultra observant, and to pay attention to the signs and messages she and the others would be sending me, as something is amping up right now and something big is coming. Also, to confirm for me to keep on point with my path I’m being inspired to follow right now, as it’s being supported and channeled by them to fuel my heart.
- I felt it (and the other “Joy” signs) was confirmation of what I’d come to see about Joy in her last year or so of having truly embraced and embodied her name, which when I first got her she had been concerned she couldn’t live up to and afraid of disappointing if she couldn’t be the essence of “Joy” always. She came to own that truth of her heart, as her innocence and vulnerability WAS pure Joy always.
- And a “joy” filled appreciation for what I’ll share below.
Needless to say, I was so touched by seeing her sign and have been so grateful for my bunny loves’ constant and recently very profound presence in more heightened ways than usual.
So much so, that I’m discovering myself embodying the bunny me more than ever and everything in my life is coming up bunnies, as I’ll touch a little bit on in another post.
Gaia has been there too, but she seems to make very timely, big entrances at less frequent intervals.
But for now, as we approach the end of this year and get ready to walk through a new gateway of experience, I felt so much that alongside all that I’m focused on I really wanted to anchor in some energy (it’s 3:33 pm here as I write this part) and honor the memory of my sweet ones in a way I know they would appreciate and likely have inspired.
Each year Dave and I give to organizations to help animals. Most of the time we do it around Christmas and the New Year, but sometimes it’s been at Easter (for bunnies), and sporadically donate to different events as well at any given time. For example, I’ve donated a bunch of my paintings, prints, time and services to help raise money for animals and volunteered at a rabbit shelter as well for a while.
This year it was immediately a stand-out for us where we wanted to lend our support.
Our Christmas gift went to two non-profit organizations that were connected with both Joy and Cosmo, in honor and in memory of them and all the love they had for the bunnies they left behind, and came to know over the course of their sheltered lives, when they came home with me, and to others like them that are in need and not as fortunate as they were.
Donations provide things like food, litter, supplies, toys, and help out with vet fees for neutering/spaying, health challenges, and needed surgeries.
Joy and Cosmo are “compassion ambassadors” for rabbits and spreading awareness and education to others about rabbits, and this was a way not only to do what is in my and Dave’s hearts’ “joy” to offer in way of support, but also to continue their work through me, since we are One.
No wonder I’m becoming a rabbit more and more with these power souls channeling through me.
It’s one way we can help bunnies in need, bridge the rabbit/human gap, do what’s most in our hearts, show our reverence for these two ever-giving souls, a way for me to keep them alive through me, and a way to spread a little “JOY” to others via the path and role I have in this life involving rabbits.
This year has been profoundly shifting for me, which has been in large part because of the work I’ve been doing with my rabbit companions and what has come through them.
These messages and gifts in the cycle of giving and receiving mutually, have truly been a theme pervading 2016 for me and I can’t think of a more perfect way to close it out and anchor in the new.
Many of you have so lovingly been following along and sharing your support for our dear Cosmo over the past nearly 2 years that I wanted to take the time to share about his recent transition, but most importantly to be his voice with the message he has imparted. This is my gift to him to support the completion of his mission here on Earth and the last piece of his path he wanted as the tie-in to his departure. Although he will continue on with other missions in his eternal form, he has been a constant source of ever-giving love in a way most rare to experience from anyone, let alone a magickal rabbit.
I’ll begin by backing up a bit to share recent unfoldings that have led to this, before concluding with that message, as all pieces are relevant to grasping a deeper understanding of the message.
As you may remember, I’ve shared several times that our returning to Lake Tahoe was in large part also because of Cosmo. I knew that somewhere along the Magick Bus journey that both Joy and Cosmo would be transitioning and once Joy did, it was just a matter of time before her partner would join her.
Joy, you may remember, made her transition in the energy of the Summer Solstice portal just four months ago. I shared a long video of that story along with a photo story line of highlights in her life and additional insights at the link provided.
It was challenging on both Cosmo and I, but he trucked right along as he always does, in large part to be my rock and a source of comfort for me. I got that he was staying around in order to make sure I was okay before he, too, would make his departure. This also provided he and I the opportunity to just be together the two of us, as I had had that kind of time with all of my beloveds except with him.
And during the last four months our deep connection only further deepened, with our clear communication ramping up, his teachings making huge impact on fuller embodiment for me, and our love transcending everything.
When we received guidance that we were to return to Lake Tahoe, I immediately got the message that this is where Cosmo would transition. He had chosen the place where his teachers and friends – Joy, Nestor, and Gaia – had all lived and where each of them either transitioned themselves or arrived into my life. But all of them having thoroughly enjoyed and connected with Tahoe’s crystalline energy and working with its portal. He chose a place that was also very dear to both Dave and I and until now had been the one place we loved the most and considered our true home.
Over the past year, and increasingly recently, Cosmo had begun to physically decline. Whereas he’d had huge leaps, increased vitality, strength, and mobility from onset of his coming into our lives with all of the efforts and support I/we provided, this last year proved to demonstrate his physical body weakening and breaking down, despite his eternal vibrant spirit remaining untouched.
And this decline continued more rapidly when Joy made her transition.
His bones – the old structure of physical form – were breaking down, his arthritis increasingly being a source of pain, his legs stiffening and one nearly unable to bend anymore despite leg therapies and knee seeming to always pop out of place, his shoulders collapsing due to his using his arms to support and move himself around to compensate for not being able to move his lower body to support himself, and one shoulder recently also hugely dislocated.
And yet he never wavered in the love, peace, presence, patience, joy, and strength of spirit that his purity embodied. His stoic bravery and constant, consistent ability to look at and embrace all of his experiences with loving compassion was an example for us all.
I did not know the exact timing of when he would make his move to journey onward, although felt it was sooner than later, but that became clear not long after our arrival back to Lake Tahoe.
And it was evident also in Cosmo’s orchestration of things that rearranged our timing of meeting up with my dear Laura and David, which was originally planned for the Halloween weekend, but got moved to the Autumn Equinox, as she shared in her recent post: A Strange, Synchronous Samhain Sojourn documenting also how he was “at the center of our Autumnal celebrations all together, anchoring the “Cosmos” and just being the love bunny he is.”
This became one of the missions he was to complete for the collective and all four of us personally as well, and his way of being able to meet Laura in person who had been a large part of his life regardless of not meeting him physically, so that he could say his thanks and goodbyes.
It was also no coincidence that just as we returned to the Reno area, my parents and brother all came over to the Magick Bus to visit, bringing my brother to see it and Cosmo for the first time in person. This was especially telling that my brother, whom I felt meeting and physically connecting with Cosmo would be transformative for, was there so that Cosmo could do his healing work with him as well before leaving, which resulted in Eric holding him when he’s always had a fear of this from the “past”.
Cosmo was able to say his goodbyes, share his love and gratitude, and impart his magickal energy, as he was always consistent with daily.
Then we made our way to Lake Tahoe, where after many phone calls, found him a place and open-hearted acupuncture and holistic vet that welcomed him, despite past allergies to rabbits – allergies that didn’t show up when she and Cosmo connected.
And the story takes its turn here.
Surrounded in the energy of Lake Tahoe, having assisted in our finding the perfect new home for the next 6 months, seeing me deepen my connection to my own heart’s mission, and experiencing the peaceful knowing of all things he’d lined up in wanting to complete, his mission was coming to closure.
Although the support at his new acupuncturist and all the things I shifted to make the last of his golden time here most peaceful and comfortable as possible did just that, it was his own inner peace he’d fully arrived at in knowing he and I were both ready for this last leg of the journey that kicked things into a quick spiral of rapid shifts.
I’ll shift for a moment before continuing on, to share a few things that are speaking through as I write this.
I know that while many have understood, shared the same connection with their soul partners in animal bodies, and experienced the feeling of being a parent to their fur babies no different than that of a biological human child, I know there are also those people who can’t grasp this, may even think my care-taking behavior is overboard, thought that Cosmo was an excuse for not doing things they may have wanted us to partake in because of my wanting to care for his needs which constituted a schedule that was my norm, or felt I was wearing myself down for someone that was not equal to a human child and likely hoped/hope I wouldn’t continue in this vein for their own reasons.
I completely understand these latter feelings because I know that unless one experiences something personally they have no way of grasping what it really means. Everyone finds their own experience of sacred connection in the way that is most relative and meaningful for them in the place they are on their journey. And for that I hold no judgment and took nothing personally.
But I will say that it fuels my devotion and commitment in continuing forth strongly with my convictions and sacred honoring I feel compelled to embody, myself, as I know that is my personal role and path to be living, regardless of how it appears to others.
Although I have not “birthed” a human child, myself, I can tell you that everything I have heard and experienced from my own mother, and all the friends I have that ARE mothers, has been my experience with my animal companions/babies and is consistent with what I know from my experiences this life and beyond, not to mention that all women embody the Sacred Feminine and Divine Mother energy.
I won’t go into all of that here, but needless to say they have been my babies, partners, best friends, and equals – learning and teaching with and from each other. In other words, soul family, which is no different except for the fact that a soul chooses the form most supportive and demonstrative of the mission they have chosen.
This is one of the many messages Cosmo imparted, as he was more human-like than any of my children and embodied a connection with everyone he came in contact with on a level that was undeniable in his conscious presence and ability to interact both intelligently and compassionately.
Dave was just remarking this morning that of all of our animal companions, he was the most dynamic presence that held his own and communicated loudly, yet gently, even without ever uttering a sound, let alone a word. He said that he sat there in the middle of the Magick Bus and was always actively a part of everything and called your attention to him at aligned times to share his message, as well as indicated his being interactive in all things that took place.
He truly demonstrated the equality of life in all forms and called everyone’s attention to take notice and integrate that at the level capable of doing, relative to everyone’s journeys.
To add in the aspect of his special needs he lived with for over two years, not to mention his challenged past from onset of birthing into form here, he conveyed the strength of our spirit overcoming anything, as his rabbit body is one of the most fragile forms to come into. It’s hard enough to go through things he had all his life if he had been in a human body, but add in the fact that he chose such a delicate form that is hardly understood by many and challenged with mysteries galore that take great intuition to unravel, and you can begin to understand the magnitude of his example.
There is nothing that wavered his disposition and the peaceful centeredness and love he exuded. He never allowed anything to shift him out of that space, nor to affect his normal behaviors, like eating, eliminating, or having to go into a long state of quiet processing, as many rabbits will do when they have challenges and even we as humans will do as a result of our embrace or attachment that manifests as different reflections physically or emotionally for us.
He just kept on keeping on….loving and assimilating things every step of the way with total patient and peaceful embrace and flow no matter how enormous the pain was. And he never acted out, nor lashed out. He never bit anyone or pulled away to retreat or show signs of not wanting to face things. He simply licked your hand with loving compassion for you, the journey, and his place in that process.
And this continued on until the very end, as you’ll come to see.
We each have that available as well and can access it from the wells of our inner and innate beingness.
Some may question my choice in rabbits due to their fragile constitutions, hope I don’t have more in my life as they project their own concerns, or wonder if I will bring more into my life.
My only answer is that they choose me, as much as I choose them. And I have not set out to bring any of them into my life except for Nestor, although when they showed up I recognized the contract we had and therefore the mission I gladly embraced, which was always beyond myself in also supporting their missions and doing our part for the collective dynamics.
So I will do that again, only if and when similar presents itself and I know beyond a doubt that that is my role in alignment with heart’s mission.
But to continue forth with what began to show up quite rapidly after settling back to Tahoe and a new era about to begin with knowing the Magick Bus would be moving on, as we moved forward into a new form of home and life showing up for our paths, I’ll share what catapulted us quickly to where things are now.
I’d taken Cosmo to his acupuncture appointment, which was a gift to find, as shared. My intention with providing care as such and all that I did was not to prolong his life unnecessarily beyond his choice, but to ensure as little pain and as much peace as possible while he still was here and was navigating his departure.
But upon our second appointment, he was crystal clear and intentionally focused in relaying his new plan and timely needs.
Basically what took place is during his session, while he’d already been in a zen mode, he became more consciously active and began to nibble on his hay that I provide him while he has treatments. But one of the needles of hay was in fact a needle itself.
I’d been diligently watching him, caressing him as I do, and making sure he was comfortable when suddenly his chewing sounded different and I instantly knew he had a needle in his mouth. I didn’t know how it happened without my seeing, but that is the Great Mystery unfolding, as always.
The vet had moved away to do something, since all the needles had been placed and he was hooked up to the electrodes, receiving.
I immediately told her and tried to stop him from chewing, unsuccessfully, as it was far back in his mouth by his molars.
I knew instantly this was the turning point.
And without going into too much detail I went into a calm panic, having flashes of Nestor’s passing because she had choked to death on medication I’d administered. He began to try to swallow and then he began gagging and salivating. I asked if he’d be alright. I know my face was likely white and all I could do was hold the space of love and trust in what was unfolding, and hoping for the best possible outcome without trauma.
Rabbits can’t throw up, so this was painful to watch. It went on an excruciating while, as the vet tried to get into his throat and check all around the back of his mouth and cheeks to see where it was.
This was unsuccessful, twice.
He continued gagging and salivating and I just said to myself, “OMG, this is it.” I was prepared, as I knew it could come at any time. I just didn’t know how or when. I’d hoped not in a traumatic way, and had no idea something like this could happen, as he’d had acupuncture so many times and never tried to eat a needle.
And hence, the intention on his part was clear. He is not stupid. He does not do anything random and accidental. He is a fully, and in most cases, more conscious being than most.
This was an act of choice. Perhaps he didn’t know how challenging the physical of that choice would be at first, but he knew he had to do something at this level in order for the rest to unfold as needed and in order to get my attention in a big way of the importance this had.
Suddenly, after the intervals of gagging and trying to look in his throat, he was at peace again. The needle had gone down miraculously without issues besides the temporary gagging and discomfort.
How it got down without doing harm I do not know, except that it was meant to be.
I could see the look on the vet’s face. She, was almost overcome to tears. She was panicked and I knew she felt guilt like she should have done something to not allow that to happen. It was all over her face.
She suggested, after I asked what to do next, that I take him down the way to the vet hospital to get xrays and see where it is.
Before I left, I firmly, but gently took hold of her arm and looked her deeply in her eyes to her soul and said while imparting energetic waves of healing, “It’s not your fault. This isn’t your fault.”
I did not want her carrying that guilt and at least doing my part to release her from that and imparting that I held no anger towards her in anyway that someone might project on to others when lashing out of pain. I wanted her to know she was appreciated for all of her help and I thanked her for that before I left to get the xrays, which she called in for me and got Cosmo squeezed in immediately for.
The xrays were taken. Cosmo continued fine. They showed that in fact the needle was now in his stomach. She said she also saw tons of fiber from what he eats, all around it, so it was acting like a cushion or cotton bubble protecting it for now.
And the unknowns from there spiraled.
The xrays were sent to his acupuncturist and she shared the findings, suggesting I monitor him and take him in in another day or two if it didn’t pass, but her experience was, with other animals – mostly cats and dogs, that things DO in fact pass. She’d seen anything from weird toys, plastic, and even razor blades pass without issue.
So I took him home and I waited.
But what I had immediately received in message right after it took place was that Cosmo was telling me he no longer wanted to go to any outside sessions or vets in general. That he wanted to just be in the peace and care that I provided him at home and not spend time elsewhere. He wanted to spend quality time with his family to choose his path naturally.
It wasn’t until a day or two later that I got a larger grip on what his message included, which was in fact he was choosing his timing and this was the way to make that needle-sharp clear.
He continued to eat, eliminate, and act as his normal loving self that first full day, which was Wednesday, 10/26. The acupuncturist kept emailing to check up on him and to see if there was any progress.
I would check his poop all day and night to look for any potential needle.
But by the second day, well actually night, he began to show signs of challenge once a day. It began in the middle of the night when I would wake up to check on him and that was both on Thursday and Friday night.
His eyes would bug out, he would become extremely fidgety, agitated, extend his upper portion of body out and then cramp up, and wanted me not to leave him, because there was great pain, until it would pass. I knew that the needle was moving and causing pain likely when it poked his insides and was trying to find its way through.
I sat up with him in the middle of the night giving him Reiki and comforting him for about a half an hour each time until the pain and his symptoms subsided altogether.
Then he was back to normal, although I began to notice that his left shoulder that we’d seen at the first acupuncture session being likely dislocated, was getting worse to the point that it would lay flat underneath him much of the time. That’s not to mention the stiffness in his back that continued increasing and making it hard for him to bend or sit up. Hence the orthopedic bed I got him to support his back.
Everything was at a very volatile state.
Thursday I kept checking. No needle. So I made an appointment for Friday to xray again, like the vet told me to do so that we could monitor if it’s moving and where it is.
The xrays showed it still in his stomach.
And that’s when the vet said I should contact my regular vet for more advice, as she doesn’t handle that.
I began making intervals of calls, being referred one-by-one to doctor and practice after another. I found it interesting the vet I’d taken him to in Carson for a general check up was out until 11/7. And nobody around knew rabbits enough to take on this challenge.
After the fourth place I was then referred to a fifth, which was where the signs aligned things.
This fifth doctor was in fact the doctor that had treated Nestor with her issues, and where I’d taken her for cremation after her passing. This was no coincidence. Nestor was overseeing things and I felt in safe hands.
What I’ve always found challenging is that no doctor would ever get on the phone in all my times of making calls over the years with me, yet were quick to always be upfront that they had no rabbit experience or specialization, nor willing to take things on even in emergency situations, except for those aligned places I was led to.
It’s made me over time feel very upset/disappointed that rabbits seem to be pushed to the side when they in fact need some of the most specialized care. I remember when I was a little girl loving animals from the get-go, that one of the things I said right off was that I wanted to be a veterinarian.
That was not my path in this life, but be it another time and place I would definitely have taken that on knowing what I know now and had a specialty practice for rabbits alone. I hope others will follow the inspiration of their calling with this if their own soul path is nudging them that way. I’ve seen and gone through way too much neglect with their care and it saddens me, but also brings me such gratitude when I do find those doctors who have gone that extra mile as their focus and path.
That brings me back to Nestor’s doctor whom I was now being referred to by what was supposed to be a specialist place in Reno, but low and behold had no rabbit specialists.
After I spoke to the receptionist for just a brief couple of minutes, she told me to hold and the next thing I knew I was speaking with the doctor herself. She took the time to go over Cosmo’s situation, options, and scope of potentials.
I was grateful.
The rest of the story for the next few days was a process of me on pins and “needles” not knowing when or how that needle would make its move and Cosmo going through one episode a day except for Saturday that was quite challenging. This likely was happening because a rabbit’s GI tract moves every 17-20 hours and in Cosmo’s case, maybe a bit longer since he is not mobile.
So each time it did, that needle was journeying.
And that created pain and the potential of trauma at any moment, as she shared and I knew that if that needle started making its way out of the stomach and into his intestines, there was the huge risk of it not getting through safely, especially with all the tiny turns and processes to go through. It could perforate any part of his system and if so, he’d be in excruciating pain to the point of perhaps screaming and trauma like I’ve seen in Nestor, and it could happen at any time where I would have no ability to get him help and basically I’d watch him pass a terrible death, or get him in and still have to be put to sleep because the damage would be too great for his little aged body to recover from.
There were complications around the whole scenario and along with his age at 10 1/2 years old (like 100 in rabbit years), his spine and skeletal structure all wearing down and collapsing, along with muscles weakening and tightening, we had things stacked against us in terms of any operation or endoscopy even by a specialist being successful since his body was so weak to make it through, let alone recover from it especially if stomach surgery, which Joy had too and didn’t make it back from after. In general, operations on rabbits are sketchy because they have such delicate compositions, but far better odds are there when they are young and robust with a lot to live for still. And each time you put a rabbit under anesthesia there’s a chance (50/50 or much less in a case like Cosmo’s) they may not wake, unless they are strong and healthy.
We started doing research, making calls, and emailing vets we knew. The answers were all the same from everyone and all scenarios of options provided no guarantee in any way of anything.
It was all maybe, perhaps, hopefully, if, etc.
Nothing was in alignment with peaceful, safe passage for him and all things were putting him at greater risk while also potentially having to drive him hours away to a specialist, having him in a cold room with people he didn’t know and I didn’t have any connection to, and with the fear of going under to have a surgery he himself told me he feared, and still not make it, while not being with us who he desired to have by his side all the way.
These were not viable options.
He and I had come too far together to allow such things when we had control of how things could go.
I became aware of how the timing of all of this was also not random, a couple of days after the incident of needle swallowing, realizing that Halloween, or rather, Samhain was just around the corner. And it all clicked.
And when verified with him, as he and I have very clear communication, and through my animal communicator friend who knew not what I had received myself in message before relaying her communications, it all confirmed with loud reiteration the same things.
Cosmo had completed his missions and was expressing his desire to leave. He knew the odds when he swallowed that needle and had hoped that I would understand what he was asking, although understood it was a lot to ask.
I’d received the message of his desire, as I mentioned, a couple of days after the episode and it just increasingly got louder as the days went on, becoming its clearest after I spoke to Nestor’s doctor. And Monday’s Samhain was to be that day, which he desired to make his transition, as it was after all the day and night of the thinnest veils between worlds. A time of magick and would be his magickal exit back to the Cosmos from which he came, as magick rabbits enter and exit as such.
I was going to have to assist Cosmo and I was going to have to put everything aside to honor him and his mission.
This was reiterated to me also in discussions with Laura at synchronous times during her Strange, Synchronous Samhain Sojourn, which she alluded to, as we were in contact with all the unusual bleed-throughs we were experiencing each in our own way over the course of this time we were once scheduled to be together.
He wanted it clear what he wanted and this was his way for that intention to be sharp. No pun intended.
Interestingly, here’s what his acupuncturist emailed me in one of our communications after the experience:
“One of my favorite holistic vets (who is also a Reiki Master) said Dr. Xie would say the needle knows what it is doing. The intention was good. Dr. Xie is an expert at TCVM and head of the Chi Institute, where I trained. So I just thought I’d pass that along. He also says to take a deep breath when animals eat needles. Things will workout.”
My response to her was:
“I agree fully that there is always perfect, divine grace with everything and intention and knowing is built into the process, especially with something like this/the needle with focused clarity it has. Also, Cosmo is a highly conscious soul. This act of his ingestion is not arbitrary or accidental and aligns with the intention and meaning of the process in his journey.”
Again, I was wanting to impart to her no need for guilt on her part, as all things were unfolding in alignment with his will.
I knew this for myself as well, although I would need the last couple of days to fully align all parts of myself with absolute clarity in order to proceed.
While I understood Cosmo’s message clearly and after reviewing all possibilities knew my answer, I would still have to reconcile my human ego parts, as well as needed to have absolute confirmation from him of the next step.
So, we had the weekend for that, and the timing again was perfectly lined up to do so. In the meantime, I was doing all the Reiki and healing work I knew possible, along with asking for assistance, in order to keep that needle from piercing him or causing any trauma before the time he had desired.
I asked for peace.
And Saturday that’s what we got, as he had no episode that one whole day, which I was so grateful for, given he’d had one each of the day’s preceding that were very scary, not knowing if that trauma the doctor had shared may happen if it tried to pass, was in fact taking place.
This was both wonderful, but also played with my ego mind, and especially Dave’s because it was easy to think he was fine, something miraculous was at hand, and perhaps he could live with this needle and it would never move through his system and keep cushioned for the rest of his life with fiber protecting it all around.
This was wishful thinking even though I’m all for believing in and creating miracles, but there was no guarantee that at any moment this could go grossly wrong or that his body would continue disintegrating to the point of collapsing completely with hideous pain and leaving him a vegetable, feeling trapped in a completely decayed body. I couldn’t play with and gamble away his peace and desires on something based on my own or anyone else’s ego to prolong his life.
His soul was too big and expansive to be contained anymore in this fragile form that had seen its time.
So yes, while we had a lovely day of peaceful connecting without challenges arising, it was in part for he and I to share beautiful quality time together and in part, in answer to exactly what I’d asked for and had worked so hard energetically to create.
We were succeeding in getting him through each day to make it to the timing he had chosen for departure.
So I asked for absolute clarity that he was still wanting his original desire to move on with my assistance, and that this was in fact the most responsibly compassionate path. I wanted no shadow of doubt.
Saturday had oscillated with inner confusion that had felt clear previously, but I realized it was simply my human part briefly attaching to desire to keep him here and try to convince myself that I/we could work miracles, even though I’d be putting him at further risk while exercising that “possibility”.
The needle was his intention and his way to say, “I’m declaring closure to my mission here.”
This needle was an unknown that could at any moment have a mind of its own. For now, it was being kept at bay long enough for us to all arrive at full clarity.
We’d started having Cosmo sleep with us in the bed, as I couldn’t leave him out of sight or alone, even though I wake 4 or 5 times to check on him all the time. So we brought his large orthopedic bed in the middle of our queen sized bed, leaving just room for our bodies on either side of him without movement.
In this way I could constantly check on him and he was cozy and safely with us – never alone.
Then Sunday rolled around and I spent all of it with him doing nothing else but connecting.
It was raining hard the entire day, which felt supportive for our delving into watery emotions to reveal the depths of truth, and cleansing to all that wasn’t authentic to step aside for clarity to come. It was also the perfect cozy day for he and I to share, as Dave was out that day.
However, I received the answer I needed and the confirming clarity, as peace was disrupted just long enough for me to get that reiteration desired.
And Cosmo put himself in a place of pain and danger, in order to help me know without doubt the reality of his situation and the depth of his desire.
Alone he and I got him through another bad episode. Peace was replaced after about 40 minutes with him going through a very rough time of pain and discomfort, which was frightening not knowing if something really horrible was about to happen.
Without explaining all of how he was reacting, I went into full on power mode and called in all of my power, favors, and help I could muster up energetically while I comforted and caressed him, and did Reiki and other energy things to assist.
At this point, although one might ask why I wouldn’t use this energy to pass the needle safely, I knew that was not an option. It was too volatile, too chancy, and I knew his desire was to go. So in fact it would have been playing a risk game that it would result as such, when the needle had deliberately been put there for another reason. It had a power to do its duty and would, one way or another. I could not counteract his intention with it. But I could place a hold on it with a promise to carry through with his wishes in return for his safety and peace.
So, I used my powers to stop the pain, and to create a permanent hold on the needle to be swaddled in cushioning protection and not move from the center of his stomach until I could get him to the doctor the next day, as he wished.
And “coincidentally” this doctor was not in on Saturday – the only weekend day they are open- and Sundays they are closed. While I could have tried to find some ER place, that was much too cold and had no connective factor for him. I wanted him to be in the best hands, which this doctor is – she is likely my favorite in terms of her gentle compassionate ways that warm your heart to be around her. That is the type of assistance this little angel deserved.
Not some random person without any connection.
And afterall, Nestor had guided us to her.
I’m happy to say that everything I did succeeded and he got through the horribly scary episode and back to peace. And never had another episode.
And I received the clarity I needed, as that episode relayed the message that my human ego had to see, which was that the temporary peace was just that – temporary. It was there to hold things for his safe passage as desired. But it would not be a permanent hold and if I surpassed his timing chosen, and all things aligning to support this, and didn’t support his wishes, the inevitable trauma would indeed take place and we’d no longer have the safe window to choose peace anymore.
It’s like I’ve been describing with everything recently. You have to ride the energy with patience and know when to make the move and catch the airstream that can catapult you.
Once again, I’d received what I asked for in order to fully get all parts of me on board without doubt.
After his pain passed Cosmo and I had very intimate quality time communicating, processing, and enjoying biomat time together the rest of the day.
This felt so supportive for him, as he came to love his biomat time in the short period we had it.
He would go into a zen mode, then he’d stretch out and slowly relax into a meditative dream state of journeying, more peaceful than I’ve ever seen him except when he would fall asleep against my heart and chest.
He’d stay on the mat a long time. This day was an hour and a half of internal processing.
I loved seeing him on it, as he was so utterly at peace…the way I envisioned his departure.
Of course I wished that he would just drift away during this time he was in deep trance state. And there were times, especially in these last few days, when I thought that he was doing just that, as he got himself to such a relaxed state that his heart rate was nearly undetectable along with his breathing almost non-existent.
But this was not the way it would be, as Cosmo knew that the way to finalize his last mission before he left, which he wanted me to assist with, was not to just pass away silently.
Yes, he would go, but it would be in the strong, gentle way he always has communicated, which has poignant purpose and penetrating message.
And I would need to be party to his mission, as he couldn’t do it alone and it in fact involved me and how the two of us, he said, could help so many others that go through this same experience and heart-wrenching dilemma.
Not to mention, it was part of my own growth and evolution.
I knew that during this day especially, knowing he had only one more day until his desired passing, that he was making sure to review all options just as I had to get all my pieces on board, as when I asked him if he wanted to pull Tarot cards for messages, he refused it each time.
He was still integrating and also wanted me to do so without the cards. He told me the answers were within me and to trust that day and I’d already received his clear message.
There was nothing different in the way we communicated and interacted from that of two humans. And that itself likely may stem from the fact that I have the personal belief and connection that all life is equal and of value and therefore the communication channels are open and clear if embraced and actively engaged. I have always communicated with animals and felt their heartbeat as my own, and in most cases, have experienced how they are more strongly connected to the Heart of All Life, to Mother Earth, and being closer to the Cosmos in their essence that lingers in between worlds than most humans.
Cosmo and I had instantaneous communication that took place like normal conversations spoken or unspoken. He understood everything I said or thought in that moment. And I understood him. This was a bit different from the way Joy and Nestor and Gaia communicated with me, as although I did understand them in wake time, it was not the seamless way Cosmo and I communicated. And they in fact would send me their messages and telepathic stories via dream time. The telepathy was strong in any case with all of them, but manifested differently when it came to the way in which they liked to send their messages.
Anyway, the rest of the day and night went without event, although I’d noticed that the last two nights while he was sleeping in between us, that he was not eating through the night and just resting and processing. Normally, rabbits, and him especially, are always eating round the clock. So his quiet mode at night seemed indicative of his preparations and perhaps avoiding something to happen during the night if his system was moving with new food.
And this brings us to Monday, Samhain – the Celtic New Year and the day and night of the thinnest veils between worlds and during the energy of the New Moon in Scorpio’s Great Mystery, magick, and transformation, which it had just shifted into the day before.
Samhain is a cross quarter day between Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice and is a night when Faeries are afoot working magick and mischief, as well as the Day of the Dead where our ancestors and loved ones are honored and remembered just like it was for the Celts, Egyptians and ancient Mexicans like the Toltecs, Aztecs, and Mayans. It is also when spirits and souls are thought to have more power to visit us. It’s a time marking the “absence the Sun who will be reborn at Winter Solstice as the Child of Promise” and marks the rising of the Pleiades.
Yes, it is no wonder Cosmo had chosen this day. Just as Joy had chosen Summer Solstice four months before him. All of my sweet ones have both entered and exited at profound and potent times.
So here we were, standing at the precipice of this transformational day and while I was fully on board with being Cosmo’s support system, not without emotional challenge mind you, I was having to be strong also for Dave who was having more difficulty.
We walked through everything for a couple of hours reviewing all of the angles, potentials, what vets had relayed, and what Cosmo had demonstrated. I walked Dave through all the realities in a left brained way first to indicate that there was no solution there that guaranteed peace for Cosmo, and likely would create further complications than he already had, if not extreme trauma past what he already has.
And then I walked him through Cosmo’s wish and what he was saying was his desire. But although Cosmo can ask, he can not force us to do what he asks. He can only relay his wish and it is up to us and our free will to choose to support or deny it.
All of which has ramifications on both ends. Yet, the most responsibly compassionate act and choice was the focal point of this discussion.
When Dave heard all of the angles, again, as we’d been discussing it over the last five days, now coming from my very stable and grounded place of knowing, it was different for him.
I explained to him that he and everyone knows I have and would do ANYTHING for my beloved animal companions. I would give my life for them. And so to arrive at this decision, is not an easy one for me, but is obvious that I have come to a place of knowing with heart and soul, that this is absolutely the only choice available that is of highest peace and compassion.
It is a choice of unconditional, expansive, and limitless love.
It is not a choice of conditional, attached, ego-based love.
The latter would devise ways to make one feel their choice to take an extreme chance of waiting things out, surgeries, etc. was the right path, only to appease one’s desire to hold on, to feel like you’ve done it all so as hopefully not to have guilt (which inevitably would crop up anyway), and to avoid listening to the message very clearly being spoken by our loved ones, thus denying they have an equal voice, mission, and their own knowing and choices that unfortunately they can’t exercise always, and perhaps avoiding the evolution they have come to assist us with through this process.
Ah, yes, it is very complex. And when dealing with the human emotions and these types of choices, it will be confusing and controversial.
I’ll return to this again, but I decided to pull a card from my very accurate, always on point Faery Oracle deck.
Stepping back for a moment, during the weekend I had pulled a card that represented Cosmo. It was the King of Cups, which he is. I always call him my little “king” and he definitely is that sacred male energy so in touch with the element of watery emotions. Anyway, on that card, there was one line that stood out for me the most, as there is always one gem in things we can take away that speaks to us. It was this:
“You are involved in a situation in which caring and empathic assistance are of utmost importance.”
That speaks for itself.
Synchronously I’ve been focused on empathic intelligence of the heart as my work recently and the balance between heart and mind, and heart and mission.
But back to the Faery Oracle card.
Out of 47 cards, to pull this one is no accident or coincidence and it went along also with what I’d been sharing to Dave, which I’ll explain further, but here is that card and a photo of its message from the book:
I, of course, shared and read the meaning of this card with Dave and this was an ultimate turning point for him when he saw the synchronicity that was inexplicable for this message and when I explained things further from the depths of myself.
Basically this card shares that we do not have ownership over anything….people, animals, plants, the land, etc. We have no dominion over Nature. We are guardians and with that comes the responsibility to honor the sacred relationship we have with all of life and the intelligence inherent within it all, as well, that is beyond our human capacity to understand unless we go within our hearts for truth.
As the card indicates, we need to be worthy of this role, which involves listening to what our companions within the mutual relationship are sharing with us, as what they have to share is just as valuable and valid as what we feel and have to say.
The card indicates that there are shifts taking place and by listening we will know when to take the divine action needed.
If one does not listen then the card would have a reverse meaning of dismissing the messages reaching you from Nature, your animal companions, plants, and the wild that are reaching out to communicate and share their lives with you. Their perceptions are different from ours, but oftentimes more powerful. It would indicate having a sense of ownership rather than mutual relationship or alliance with them. It may indicate blocking out what you’re hearing and projecting your own desires rather than listening to what is being shared that holds truth beyond illusions.
In essence this card says to honor all of life and to move beyond ego into a sacred relationship of compassionate guardianship that listens and acts in accordance with what is heard.
I said to Dave, after reading the card and seeing him release into a greater peace himself, “I cannot refuse his wishes. For me to ignore what I know in my heart and soul he is telling me and asking of me would be a complete desecration of all that is sacred. It would be a backwards step and would basically deny not only his worth as equal to my own, but deny his conscious intelligence, and be like turning my back on everything I believe in and know in my heart as truth. It would be like turning my back on our Earth Mother herself and abusing all that I’ve ever honored throughout my soul existences here. I cannot refuse his request, despite what anyone thinks of me, as the relationship I have with him is the sacred ground on which I walk upon and my only mission is to honor that above all else. My personal loss is not an option to consider. My love – true love – is all there is. And true expansive love IS the mission and heart combined. If I truly love him from a place of nonattachment, then I must assist him.”
And from there on, Dave came to the same place of understanding, as all of his pieces came together too.
Cosmo’s message is that doing the greatest act of compassion is the choice of highest good and that will challenge the human parts of us to move into a new place of integrated embodiment that honors the empathic intelligence of the heart.
However, this is the new relationship that is of dire importance at this time on Earth and although it is challenging to our human hearts, it will access the cosmic hearts within us that can be of assistance in awakening latent parts of our DNA into fuller and truer empowerment.
He wants to impart a deeper sacred relationship to us all that is one of guardianship rather than ownership, and to move into that space of listening to, honoring, trusting, and supporting the messages and connection you have with your animal companions, and with Mother Earth at large, in how to be stewards for change and love where we work in harmony with the natural rhythms and live more consciously.
As left to Nature, Cosmo would not still be here in general.
This involves moving away from a denial of our true potentials and origins. It involves moving away from dishonoring Nature and instead works towards a partnership that can be of most support to beneficial evolution rather than total destruction and unconscious blindness resulting in a complete loss of sacred harmony.
He knows that what he asked of me, of us, is one of the hardest things to do. And it is not something that would be within the scope of all scenarios, as it would have to be taken up on a relative basis. Yet, the underlying message of compassionate guardianship still remains.
He simply imparts a desire for each of us to truly listen to the individual needs and desires of our animal companions beyond the limitations of our own ego needs, as they have an intelligent consciousness and wisdom to impart and this involves all aspects of our relationships with them, not just in times of life and death choices, but when they have things to share every day with us in effort to not only assist us, but to make their own messages heard in things we can honor them with daily and that can help situations you may view as problems without answers.
They have the answers. We must listen.
Cosmo has always been on a mission of service from the get-go.
His life has been one of a service rabbit, as I’ve chronicled in this post back in August and has drawn our attention to more compassionate relationships to animals and Nature to shift us into a role of mutual partnership.
This he’s done as a literal ambassador of peace in campaigns to end testing on animals, but has also embodied an intelligence, and highly evolved compassionate way of relating and communicating with humans as a bridge between animals and people simply by his loving and rare “nature” that everyone has remarked on never having experienced from a rabbit, let alone a special needs rabbit.
Here is that post:
Although he will continue with missions from beyond Earth, this is his last message and mission to impart to all of us on Earth, as a soul in rabbit form.
I know this is a controversial issue that many, including animal rights people are challenged with. And yet, here’s my view on this.
Some of us fight for animal rights, to bring to attention for others that they are sentient beings and equal to humans. And yet, when it comes down to truly listening to them as sentient, intelligently conscious beings, we don’t always listen and we impart our own ego needs and desires.
While animals have yet to acquire that title of equal rights in the eyes of many, regardless of it being true in the eyes of all that is sacred, they do have this one right that surpasses us. One that also takes huge responsibility in listening to, rather than abusing, as many do.
Which is why this is more complex than it is simple on many levels. But truly is challenging us to begin to move into our own expanded versions of conscious sentient beings who take into account all of our gifts and all that is available to us to live with compassionate awareness and truly create an Earth home that is one of harmony and not some perverse idea of ownership and abuse at our every whim.
As Nature will ultimately have the last word. We will not. Since Nature is in harmony. We are not.
So here is the right I speak of.
They have the ability to choose their transition with harmonious assistance that supports compassionate choices in honor of their needs.
Something we as humans do not have, as euthanasia is not a legal option for the people who deeply desire to be let go of, and yet we keep them alive, sometimes as vegetables, because WE can’t let go.
There are many elderly people, just like my elder rabbit, Cosmo, who would desire compassionate assistance, and yet cannot have it.
So, while animals have no equal rights yet, they have this right that outweighs our own.
Unfortunately many abuse it and use it to either appease ego needs at their own whims, or abuse not using it when the messages are obvious.
We have no idea the suffering we place upon our animal companions because they are such unconditionally loving and devoted partners in our lives and will accept any fate we decide because of that capacity they have.
And yet, they have pleas of help that go unheard, just as the collective animals have pleas of help we do not listen to.
And it is not only a personal plea, but they act from a collective consciousness with the greatest good in mind.
All of this, like with anything else, asks of us to be super-conscious. That’s really not an odd thing to ask is it, in this day of age?
How long will we continue operating on blind cruise control and deny every bit of intelligence we innately have and that is innately all around us, in order to have immediate satisfaction that has long term destruction written all over it?
The sacred will not await us to realize its sacredness.
I’ve gone through my own personal evolution with this, in dealing with my own challenges with my four rabbit companions….I say four, as I’ve mentioned Twinkie, the only other male rabbit and animal companion I had in my life for only one Summer.
Here’s that evolution.
I was a young girl of 12 when Twinkie was in my life and we discovered his having been born with abnormal teeth that grew the opposite way – the upper grew inside the lower rather than over and outside of them. This created major issues and needed weekly trimming. At my age, I was not able to decide for him and had no understanding like I do now of how to care for this or what options were viable. Hence, he was put to sleep by the opinions of the vet and my parents.
This was devastating for me, as he was my first furry companion. It felt to be a more unconscious act, although understandable at the time. I also was destroyed by my emotional attachment and didn’t understand as a little girl.
Then there was Nestor. She died a horrendous death. In her process of wanting to transition I would not let go. I did everything energy-wise and through vet appointments and surgery to keep her with me. I was not able to let my twin soul go. I stayed up with her all night, for nights, administering all my energy and power and love to ensure keeping her alive and not leaving. In the end she went traumatically, and I was able to grow through that experience she devised for me through that process.
Then there was Joy. She came upon sudden challenges that all came crashing down quickly. She wanted me to not have guilt that I had with Nestor, since I’d been the one that gave her medications that she choked upon to death. Joy gave of herself to go through surgeries to help me know I did it all possible and yet in the end it was still her time. Yet her sacrifice was to assist no guilt on my part and also had me not see her pass so she could give me peace, since she transitioned after I dropped her off for overnight care at the ER. And yet, in the end she had been diminished to nothing. And to see her little body so weakened and tiny, deeply saddened my heart.
Each experience with all of them taking me to greater depths of growth and understanding, with a full circle of experiences.
I became known as someone who would, as I said, do anything to support my loved ones as the equal beings they are to have every chance in the world to do what they desired.
And they assisted that process in the way that would most support my evolution as well and learning.
In comes Cosmo.
Having gone through all I had, my greatest desire for my little ones became the focal point of peace. Not of prolonging life, but painless transitions and honoring of their desires. Learning to let go and focus on their greater good.
Cosmo then took me one step further with this and challenged me with the greatest thing he knew I feared. Something I’d mentioned many times I did not want to be faced with. Which I know most everyone doesn’t want to face. I did not want to have to make the decision to assist his passing.
And yet, his one wish was just that.
Wise he is, knowing how this not only was his personal mission to others, but encompassed a mission that would involve me and my own, along with a greater evolution I’d yet reached.
Everything I’d been through prepared me for this moment. And within those five days I had to come to full embodied understanding, he and I succeeded together in aligning everything within each of us for this ultimate activation of empathic intelligence from the heart.
I know this is a long, long share, so if you’ve made it this far, I thank you and ask to please bear with me some more, as this to me is part of the honor Cosmo deserves and I’m committed to providing since he’s designated me as his voice.
I only hope to do his message the honor it and he deserves.
So this brings us to Monday, as shared, and all things coming together in having the peace necessary to proceed by both myself and Dave.
And it was a sunny, baby blue sky day. So perfect, as I’d mentioned the whole day before it rained profusely, then this clearing for him, and the night and morning after his passing it rained more and even snowed a bit.
There was an opening and the time was right.
I planned to make it a special day, which I’d been doing all weekend, but there were more promises I had to keep for him.
So I gave him all his usual food and lots of treats – his favorites. Then I gave him a bath and dried and groomed him to make him all clean and lovely, plus sharing one of our favorite times together as we had enjoyed every day for the last nearly two years of this.
And after, I set him up on the biomat to give him some peaceful healing energy to prepare him, while Dave and I enjoyed a picnic lunch on the bed next to him, so that he was not alone and so that we had sustenance to carry us through the day.
I had come to see that as much as he was still alive, he was very thinly connected to his body at this time, since he was already preparing for his journey.
Dave then prepared a bag of chopped up strawberries and apples – his favorite – and we loaded him in his orthopedic bed on my lap in the car to make our way to the vet who was about an hour and 15 minutes drive away.
This was perfect, as my last promise to him was that I would take him to the lake itself so that he could see it, smell, and feel the energy of its power and the beauty Nestor and Joy, as well as Gaia, had all had the pleasure to experience too. Although, he was the only one who stepped foot on Lake Tahoe’s beach herself.
As soon as we got in the car and on the main road to our lake destination, our first sign came in.
From the distance I saw a large bird flying toward us. And as it came closer I realized instantly in my heart it was a hawk. Not sure what kind, but it was very large and as it got close it then hovered with its wings steadying it and then came to land on the very top of a pine tree in full sight to see its beautiful detail.
Not only are hawks my spirit guides and I’ve recently posted about them, again, but this also connected with when I first brought Cosmo home, as you can see in this excerpt I’ve shared before, which includes that “mission” has been the guiding force for our connection from the get-go:
“I will say that, like with all things in my life, there is no randomness about it. I sensed this was something big for me…a mission in fact. And that was reiterated the day I picked Cosmo up. On my way out a hawk (one of my major animal totems at this time in my life) was sitting on the light post giving me the support, and on the way home, another. But while driving, a dear friend called that knew I was on my way to get him and she was sending me love and support. I said out loud to her, there was just something about this that I knew was so much bigger and I used the word “mission” to describe it. And immediately after we got off the phone, a song came on and the words said, “it’s more than just a mission….” and at that exact simultaneous moment, I was just crossing over “Mission St.” I got chills and knew in my heart everything was in divine grace.”
We then got to the beach we had chosen and had our special time with Cosmo, where we snapped some beautiful memories too.
My favorite photos were the ones that showcased Cosmo himself, in all of his glory.
His peaceful presence.
His dynamic charisma, joy, and strength.
His fragility, but power, with eyes that pierced your soul with love and inspiration.
And his exuberance, as he prepared to take literal flight.
And all along the drive and there on the beach, we gave him his snacks of strawberries and apples in as much abundance as he desired, since it was one of his greatest joys.
Right before arriving at the vet, we played his special song twice to him, one that has been dear to him and I and is perfect for his essence and the message to him, as you can see at the link. And here’s the song itself:
Then we went in and met with the vet, who was just as compassionately gentle as I’d remembered her. Dave came to see this immediately too and we both knew Cosmo was in the right hands without a doubt, and this little rabbit in the corner of the room behind him was a sign and message of support from Nestor and Joy, since they were both lop-eared rabbits:
Without going into too much detail, it was a very beautiful process with much support.
I had previously over the last days told him everything in my heart I needed and wanted to, so this was simply a last reiteration and us releasing him to be free, but to know we honored and loved him, were grateful, and that we’d be with him every step of the way, as he bravely took his journey.
We had some lovely moment like this one between Dave and Cosmo, where Cosmo demonstrates his constant love in ways not usual for a rabbit:
He did not display the same on video with me, as our time was far too intimate to be shared in this way. We giggled over that, as I got the message from him saying, “I don’t want that out there, as that’s our private stuff. 😉 ”
He was taken back only for a few minutes to prepare his catheter to receive the injections. Then returned to us for more connecting.
What truly moved me most was when the doctor began the first injection that puts them into a peaceful slumber before the last injection.
Cosmo reached his head out to her hand and licked her profusely while doing so. She mentioned he also did so when she prepared the catheter.
His way of saying thank you, and demonstrating the huge heart of compassion he had in gratitude and also wanting everyone to know there was peace here and he wanted no guilt on anyone’s part.
He moved me to tears with this act, as right until the end he was an ever-giving flow of love, just as his enlarged physical heart was indicative of.
And then within moments he was gone, while I held his paw in my hand as he passed.
What also made an impression on me was how beautiful and angelic he looked, as he always had. This was such a gift to see, as it not only reiterated the complete peace that had been honored, but was such a contrast in what I’d seen with Nestor and Joy, both leaving this world under conditions that left their physical bodies completely depleted and although at peace in soul, their bodies were quite traumatized.
This experience with Cosmo was pure grace.
As we left the vet to visit my parents and connect with them over the news, since they lived only minutes away, another sign came in.
Again, it was hawks.
I had just been telling Dave not long before that he had taken to flight and was flying with his friends now. And as I said it inside of my head, I looked up and saw four hawks circling around together.
I turned to Dave with excitement and said, it’s Cosmo with Joy, Nestor, and Gaia!
Talk about powerful indeed.
After visiting with my parents, we made our way back up to the lake.
I’d taken with us the stuffed, enchanted rabbit that was both Joy’s and Cosmo’s surrogate bunny friend and was infused with both of their energy now, along with his special rainbow heart blanket gifted by a special friend for him, which reflected the Rainbow Bridge he would be journeying across.
I’d had it with us to comfort him and was at his side when he passed too, for him to know that Joy, his beloved, was both in spirit and physical by his side.
But now, this surrogate rabbit would become my own and has not left my side since, while I’m at home. It is infused with their energies and comforts me, as well as provides that bit of magick that they both had enjoyed from it as well.
We decided to make a stop at the lake ourselves just to watch the sunset. The day ended beautifully and we caught these photos of his perfect day coming to closure including me with my magickal rabbit that embodies both Cosmo’s and Joy’s energies.
It was hard to return home as his energy is so strongly still here. Not only because he was a part of every minute of my day with things I did to care for him and connect, but also because his energy is so strong and perhaps because the veils are so thin.
I find myself constantly looking for him or feeling him where he used to be, and know that he IS with me and within me. It was a challenging first night, as I woke up not having him to look after, and laid in bed over an hour thinking of him. And then woke in tears, as my mourning process moves through me naturally.
It is no coincidence that he left at this time also, right before we are about to move into our new home and say goodbye to the Magick Bus. There are so many memories here, that it will be good to physically separate from it and create a new space. He also knew that there would be a lot of work over the next weeks involved with this move and things would be easier for him to assist from outside his body, rather than in it.
He’s always thinking of our highest good.
And in our high elevation new home at nearly 7500 feet, we will be in our “castle in the sky” closer in connection to his off-planet eternal existence.
Yesterday was a little bit better than the day before, as every day will be and always is, although peace does fill my experience despite the normal human heart flow of emotions that will process over time.
After a day of processing and beginning this post, which I’ve concluded today, we went out for a hike to just allow nature to do its healing and reflections.
And there I experienced the message of all being in alignment in quite literal and incredible ways.
We were led to access a different part of a trail we’d not been on before.
At the start I found this pure white quartz stone…small, but lovely and with sparkles. It felt like Cosmo’s essence.
And not long after we got on the trail I’d asked Cosmo for a sign through a feather. Immediately I looked down and on the path there was a tiny, soft, down feather right in front of me.
It embodied his angelic sweetness and was like from an angel’s wings. The message there was that small is potent and not all messages and things need to be blaring and dramatic with flashing colors and big physical presence.
The power of presence is in the essence.
Cosmo was both fragile and strong. Vulnerable, yet powerful.
And what I noticed very dramatically right away after his passing is that I seemed to integrate this essence of his into my own.
I’ve experienced a new softness I cannot explain other than that it’s deepened me into a layer of myself that feels like the womb of divine love and grace. I speak differently and I have this peace about everything far greater than I’ve known as yet. And I see it physically in my face manifested as well with a new softness exuding outward from within.
But the biggest sign was literally signs, or rather plaques, that we came upon near the end of our hike, off-path a bit on a hidden tree.
Here is what we found:
These two name plaques hanging on a tree commemorating loss of animal companions, but not random that the two names are basically mine and Cosmo’s with only one letter in each being different.
The letter “i” in mine instead of “y” and the letter “m” missing in Cosmo’s.
Let’s see, “i” and “m”….”I’m” or when said together sounds like “I am.”
Both states of “beingness” which is harmony and peace manifest and how he and I, how we all are, unified as One in this synergy of connection and natural cycles.
To say wow, is an understatement.
There was a beautiful essence of golden ancient presence that lingered in the sun’s portal energy, closing out the day and messages of all being in divine order and grace.
Dave asked me after Cosmo journeyed forward, what I was going to do with all the time I had now that the together time with him would no longer be there in my days.
I said in reply that I will complete my book…my mission…our shared mission…while continuing to listen to his and my other companions’ guiding messages and inspiration to infuse in everything I do for the rest of my days here on Earth.
Everything I do and share as an embodiment of all that I’ve learned and hold sacred and dear is in honor to Cosmo and my beloveds who are with me as much now as they ever have been and in honor of sacred Terra and my guardianship of that sacred relationship that is a gift and not an entitlement.
This post is in reverence to Cosmo and the important message he wanted me to impart.
He is an incredible soul who has made his way back to the Cosmos from which he came through a perfectly navigated journey by an astounding being and my personal hero.
Some of you have met Cosmo in person and so many others have shared how he’s touched your life even without the in-person connection.
All of you know how incredibly dear he is to me.
Our lights not only mirror one another, but have merged as One.
It’s been a huge year of immense transformations on so many levels and supporting two of my dear ones into the eternal within 4 months of each other, alongside all of it, has been tremendous and evolutionary.
I know many of you have seen your beloveds journey as well recently, or perhaps will soon, and I know they are all supporting us collectively in these intense yet rich shifts on Earth.
May Cosmo’s purity speak the innocence of his wisdom to your heart, as he has for mine.
And, may you be as One with Nature’s Rhythms, embrace the Great Mystery, and embody Sacred Union with Spirit a little more each day of the rest of your life here on Mother Earth.
Note: Synchronously, as I completed writing Cosmo’s story and message, I received a call from the vet that his ashes were ready for me to pick up. Again, no coincidence in divine timing and full circle, peaceful closure. I will be donating his food and supplies I’ve been storing on the Magick Bus to El Dorado Animal Services Department, which is a shelter and adoption center here locally in South Lake Tahoe.
What you may not know about Cosmo is like many other abandoned and neglected animals, he has gone through quite a challenged life and has contributed much to both animals and humans alike. It is those very challenges that aligned him with his path and helped a voice from the voiceless to emerge.
He was dumped at the doorsteps of the Humane Society’s Hollywood Office in a cardboard box with nothing in it and left there with several high risk physical issues that luckily they took care of right away and were able to see him pull through to good health.
Everyone at the Humane Society was overwhelmed by his demeanor, saying he was the sweetest and most loving bunny they had ever met.
Because of his calm, sweet temperament and loving to be held, he became the new ambassador for the Humane Society International – End Animal Testing Campaign in China, being featured with actress Zhu Zhu – the first Chinese celebrity to ever speak out about animal testing in China.
He never had a real home until now, being moved around to foster families. And it was at his last foster home where his spinal injury took place under unknown circumstances, leaving him unable to walk anymore. He also was diagnosed with a lot of arthritis, an enlarged heart (no surprise there since he is pure, ever-giving love in abundance), and onset of cataracts.
His foster family wasn’t committed to nor capable of caring for his special needs, including daily bathing, and through divine alignment, that is when I heard his call and we were brought together.
We bonded the moment I held him the first time, recognizing each other immediately. He had a different name then that was not suited for his soul and immediately I received the whisper it would be changed to Cosmo.
Through patience, commitment, and love, we’ve seen him grow stronger, have huge break-throughs, and in general, but most importantly, come to know he has a forever, loving home. More recently his condition has plateaued and our days are simply filled with making sure he knows only peace and love.
He places complete trust in our bond. We have a relationship that is like child and mother, best friends, soulmates, and spiritual colleagues able to communicate crystal clear through a variety of channels. He is my constant companion.
Now, at almost 10 and a half years old (and a year and 7 months with us already), I am blessed and honored to be able to provide quality care and companionship for Cosmo in his golden years (that’s like 100 in rabbit years), have cherished seeing him experience his first bonding relationship of love and best friend companionship with my now transitioned rabbit, Joy (a first for her too), and have witnessed his gifts flourish, which included standing by proudly while he received his Reiki Master Teacher training from Joy in my presence.
Through his journey and story I’ve been sharing extensively since his arrival with us, he has continued to be of service to many and an example of living in grace despite challenges.
He has and continues to be one of my greatest teachers on a daily basis and I’m so grateful that I can provide him such deserved peace and harmony in his remaining years and time he chooses to be here.
My life was forever changed in the most dramatic of ways when Cosmo – a name that means the whole Universe (from Cosmos), as well as order, harmony, beauty, completeness – walked into my heart again.
And this is how I see him…whole, complete, and beautifully harmonious, exactly as he is.
Never take for granted the power of any small act of compassion, as the effects are beyond your mind’s grasp.
Yesterday we traveled on the Trans-Canada Highway to our home for the next full week in Edgewater, British Columbia just minutes from Kootenay National Park and Radium Hot Springs. Journeying this route provided opportunity to see the amazing wildlife crossing structures and fencing implemented here since 1996 on nearly 51 miles of highway, which is the longest on-going research and monitoring program of this nature in the world. It was such an incredible reflection of more conscious awareness and compassion for how our choices affect the whole.
I wasn’t aware of this project until Dave told me about it and that we’d be seeing it on our drive, although always wondered with all of my travels why no measures are taken other than lowering speed limits to help wildlife that we’ve taken land and migration patterns away from with our roads and building.
We both loved this and I snapped some photos of the fencing and one overpass we crossed under which was cool to see since there are only 6 of these. We also journeyed over a few tunnel underpasses of which there are 38 of these.
I love that this came about not just thinking of how expanding from two lanes to four on the highway could benefit people traveling it, but that simultaneously they thought of how to minimize effects on surrounding wildlife and to curb the high rate of wildlife mortality and wildlife-vehicle collisions.
I feel this collective way of looking at things and how our choices will affect the greater whole, which includes all of life, is so refreshing and one we will continue to see with shifts we are moving more into.
While disrupting the animals in general isn’t such a great thing in my opinion since we are taking away their normal migration patterns and routes creating dangers they didn’t once have to face, at least it’s refreshing to see more thought put into helping them and living more harmoniously with less impact.
Everything is, and is in, an evolution.
But I do love seeing more conscious awareness about how to find better ways to live in harmony with all of life.
This conscious highway was a result of scientists and transportation planners looking into ways to create a better situation and they made it top priority to continue to monitor and track animal movement.
The solution they came up with includes nearly 8 foot tall sturdy, quality fencing along both sides of the highway, and wildlife under and overpasses to connect the vital habitats by allowing crossing access.
The overpasses are quite cool, as they’ve been created to match the landscape around with trees, grasses, and vegetation to make a natural bridge for them.These are also designed so that the animals can’t see the highway when crossing.
Each individual overpass cost over a million dollars each.
Now that’s compassionate investing.
Motion sensitive cameras are set up to monitor the success of these implementations and to track the effects it is having.
You can read 10 quick facts about the highway wildlife crossings at the link below, which includes this one that deserves big yay’s:
“Highway fencing in Banff National Park has reduced wildlife-vehicle collisions by more than 80% and, for elk and deer alone by more than 96%.”
Here’s the link:
The drive was gorgeous and infused more hope and belief in the compassion within humanity to try to find ways to return things to greater balance and harmony.
We did actually see one deer inside the edge of the fencing and I smiled knowing she was safe.
I also was feeling back in my energetic flow merging with nature abound after leaving the big city and had gratitude for this more conscious merging I saw around me in reflection.
One of the things we’ve discovered on our journey is that the RV community has been such a joy to experience.
We’ve met some of the nicest people that share a love for the outdoors and living freely and simply.
Some are simply taking vacations, others are living full time as we are, or part time for extended periods.
Everyone is always so helpful, reaches out, smiles, and wants to lend a thoughtful hand.
Everyone also seems so happy, relaxed, and carefree.
I found this note by my plants this morning from our neighbors that left this morning before I could even say thank you.
They had seen me tending to my plants when we arrived yesterday, transplanting and watering them.
I left them outside in the sun and fresh air and they took care of them for me at night.
There is much kindness in the world, despite all of the stories you hear, what’s in the news, or the dramas some people find themselves embroiled in.
You don’t have to live in an RV to experience kindness or any other act of humanity.
We create our realities and I’m constantly experiencing and seeing the reflection of that.
Tashi Nyima gave a moving Thanksgiving talk, which you can find below. The story he shares reminds me of the story of a black teen, Keshia Thomas, who threw herself in front of a white man and KKK member to protect him from an angry mob back in 1996 in Ann Arbor, Michigan, simply because she knew it was the right thing to do – to be kind to another human being.
But many Buddhists believe in compassion for ALL sentient beings, not just for those of their own species, which Tashi Nyima addresses in his talk.
I’m not a Buddhist and I don’t believe this belief and way of life has anything to do with a form of religion. I know many non-Buddhists who simply believe in universal compassion. For me, it is an extension of my very being, breath of life, and spirituality and I don’t know any other way to be.
I had my own journey to get to where I am today and I honor the individual journeys everyone has, as it all has its divine order and is perfect every step of the way.
And yet things are increasingly changing and more and more people are realizing that there is more than one way of being to choose from and this happens because others start to offer new perspectives to soulfully explore through their experiences they’ve discovered and because others have decided to “get in the way” simply to demonstrate there are other options and we don’t have to follow the mob consciousness.
We all have the right and freedom to choose our own reality and we are each unique. The more we realize the power of our sovereign free will and connect with the authenticity of who we are, despite what others think, the more we start discovering the nature of our personal humanity and what reflects this natural rhythm exclusively.
I believe educating ourselves, becoming fully and consciously aware of more than our comfort zones, being curious and open, and really searching within for the truth of who you are, are key to living an empowered, compassionate life.
Tashi Nyima is one man who is “getting in the way”, as he puts it, “trembling with compassion.”
―a brief address by Tashi Nyima to the Richardson Interfaith Alliance (TX) during the Thanksgiving Observance
There is a quote in tonight’s program that reads: “Having abandoned the taking of life, refraining from the taking of life, we dwell without violence, with the knife laid down —scrupulous, full of mercy— trembling with compassion for all sentient beings.” ―Buddha Shakyamuni
When people think of Buddhist monks, if they think of us at all, they imagine that we dwell in clouds of incense, smiling serenely, unperturbed, meditating on nothing. But, as you just read, we are not called to drift placidly in emptiness, but to “tremble with compassion for all sentient beings”.
I thought that the mention of ‘trembling’ was just a rhetorical device, until late one night, returning with my Teacher from visiting with refugees, when we passed by a dark alley and heard the cries of fear and pain of…
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Alan Watts: “I have often puzzled and puzzled, what it must be like, to go to sleep and never wake up. . .”
I love the deep and complex thinking of Alan Watts. Thank you Ann Kreilkamp for this post that feels in line with the collective energy and all the transitions taking place.
Synchronously, I was just talking with my family today, having quite a powerful discussion, as we often do, after their listening to a recent interview I posted from Mark Passio. We ended up also then discussing death and the fears people have around it, although both my family and I have none.
We discussed how a lot of people we knew were currently challenged with a health crises, those that have or are in process of transition, and how this is all connected to the energy of this paradigm playing out right now in a bigger picture way.
Alan’s words are powerful to reflect on.
Just because something works well for others does not mean it will work well for you.
We are all on different paths and the embodiment we’ve individually chosen has a different purpose for each of us to emanate.
Don’t be afraid to create your own way and to shine your true nature.
Equally so, cultivate unconditionally compassionate understanding and honor for others on a different path whose purpose is to shine their uniqueness as brightly as possible.
We may be unified at our Source, but Source is unlimited.