Days have been CRAZY busy lately and increasingly will be in the coming weeks, as we prepare for moving in and remodeling continues to rapidly increase with overlapping contractors to accommodate that. Although work will continue through January, we should have enough done upstairs to get in at Thanksgiving, as long as things continue as they are. We’re also flowing with what shows up and ready to adjust that timing if need be.
We weren’t able to find a general contractor we liked and was affordable to handle everything that we are, so we are the general contractors to our 15 or so different contractors, at times shifting the responsibilities back and forth, as well as sharing them together to manage it all.
It’s A LOT (as many of you may know from your own experience), as it isn’t just one simple change here and there like just new flooring, choosing paint colors, or remodeling say a kitchen or bath. It basically has entailed literally gutting/demoing most of the entire inside of the house and starting from scratch, other than the foundational footprint and layout. Our first time doing a full-on remodel, as the closest we came was in our Costa Mesa house, which we redid a lot in, but nothing like to this extent AND there we actually had a general contractor. So it’s been a great process of learning and understanding how it all works.
The entire outside hasn’t been touched (other than adding our new 8 Austrian Pines and adding a walkway bridge from my new office here shortly), but the inside is getting a whole new face lift on every level, which to me symbolizes transforming things on the inside for us too.
When Spring comes we’ll look at working on the yard and implementing some ideas there. Step by step.
On top of this, we also had to manage, and in some cases did the work ourselves, some changes and fixes to our tree house condo to prepare it for the new tenants. So we’ve been managing both places, on top of scheduling everything to align timing-wise with all that each entails. You throw in regular life, work, our other side projects we manage together, and my editing and what not, and it’s quite a lot to juggle. We may not have human children, but we do have animal children, all of whom are very sensitive, and we can tell that they are anxious to get to the new place too and so we do our best to keep equilibrium with everything and hold peace for it all.
It’s not always the easiest thing to do when there is so much being thrown at you at once. It can kind of get overwhelming, so you do need to have those anchors in place to center and balance you back so you don’t get caught up in the stress. That entails a lot of flexibility and willingness to readjust your position, and for us, has strengthened our clarity with how to communicate with others and ourselves, and of course never take something personally. I/we are learning so much through this process, not to mention, growing in new ways.
So while things might appear the same on the outside of our new home, they in fact will be operating from a whole new internal circuitry, shifting us into a different feeling experience and reality. The new trees outside are rooting new pathways for us and connection to the forest and bigger picture collective reality we’re settling into, but the foundation is solid on which we’re working from, which is good.
So, since the foundation and structure is strong, that feels anchoring of the new we’ve been working on that is solid and in place already, which is holding everything together while we reconfigure, continue to shift, upgrade, integrate, assimilate, grow into the more expansive shoes holding space for us, and create what this new is like on the inside. The fun part is, it’s all our creative choice as to how we want that to feel and look.
It’s interesting that my foot has healed just as the major crunch time with the house is happening too and timely because Dave hadn’t been feeling well the last two weeks so there were things I needed to take over, which driving and walking allowed for. Everything sort of rewired at the same aligned time and it’s been cool that I used the forest backyard as part of my strengthening of my foot and the backdrop for all of this inner circuitry of moving parts and people weaving together.
Needless to say, this is simply a little break I’m taking to provide this update, as it feels reflective of things that others might derive some symbolism from too and may mirror what you’re experiencing, from one perspective of how to view them that you may not have thought of.
Plus, it’s always therapeutic, I find, to write about things and move energy.
It also lends to why you will increasingly see less posts during this crunch time, or very simple ones, because simply I’m quite occupied in other areas right now – like BIG TIME!
So much so that even my editing has had to take the back burner for the last nearly week (with sporadic bursts when I could), so that I can not only attend to things needed, but stay on top of self nurturing, rest, and keeping balanced.
I don’t force things simply because I have a goal, because ultimately if I’m not at my best, I can’t give my best to anything and what I create will only be a small or smaller percentage of its potential.
This home base feels key right now.
I have also found that currently this approach of flowing with the energy that shows up has been ideal for my editing (I’m on my second run-through of my book) because now and then we need to step away from things to return with a fresh perspective, sometimes completely removing ourselves altogether from it for a time period.
So unless I get a very strong message that I really need to amp things up to align the timing of my book with things energetically, I’ll be inclined to trust what is showing up as where to focus, so I will be invigorated when I return to it and the process will be speedy, rather than feel labored or take ages to work through even a few sentences.
Of course, we can self-sabotage ourselves and find ways to avoid things, so it’s important to stay on top of authenticity, responsibility, and being honest with ourselves for why we are or aren’t doing something.
I check in constantly to make sure of this and am assured that right now there is a window available of letting it sit in the background percolating, while I put into place important things and keep healthy and strong.
But I assure you that I do feel a sense of timing with my book, yet trust as long as I keep moving the energy in some way, I’ll know when to jump back in fully. And I also know when I do, that it will flow more easily than what I felt right before I stepped away to handle other things. The energy was heavier and not fluid, as I usually feel. Hence, a perfect transition time.
Amidst it all, I do still feel peace mixed with excitement, as well as moments of overwhelm mixed with complete surrender. There’s that feeling of perfection with the now and also this anticipation for the new anchoring. There’s that gratitude for all that has been to create the now and also this wonder about what I can envision becoming. So yes, lots of duality dancing with each other in balance, which I only differentiate when I write, in order to explain what takes place as this simultaneously seamless experiencing.
Perhaps it’s much like my hair’s unified duality that you see here in the most recent reflective photo of me beginning this new phase of my life.
I’ve also noticed Astrid is going through her own transitions with things right now too, which isn’t surprising. She is definitely reconfiguring things for herself, too, and learning what it means to be loved for who she is, which is encouraging her to discover how she really wants to share herself not because of fears or conditioning, but because it’s simply what feels right for her. So she’s working that out through explorations.
Interestingly, I have been getting ideas for the next project already, so I know that if that is anchoring, just as the house anchored in foundation while we rework the insides, that the infrastructure and insides of my book will rework themselves too in perfect timing.
Anchoring seems to be key, at least in my experience, then the pieces start to come together with the rest.
In the interim, so many animal spirit guides show up consistently for me due to my strong connection there, reflecting their own pieces of the story.
So many in recent weeks have shown up, that hadn’t for some time like the bears, the deer, and countless little ones all around.
I even had a hawk again outside our deck visiting several days ago. This time soaring with deliberate intent for me to see. You might remember the one that came and landed on the banister looking in on me. Well, this one my own hawk eye caught sight of down quite a ways below. I told Dave immediately, “watch, he’s going to come to us.”
And he did.
He suddenly turned around and started soaring closer and closer until he literally was soaring directly in front of our door going to the right first, disappearing at roof level, then soaring back to the left and directly in front again, then disappearing above one more time, and back to the right until he then flew off. Three fly-by’s, but each soaring in place so I could see all his feather detail and he confirmed hearing me tell Dave he was coming.
Hawk always feels to me to be about navigating and staying on path with deep presence and awareness, being open to and taking in wider perspectives, trusting my insights as they speak my truth, taking decisive actions with strength of vision and initiative behind them after surveying all creative possibilities, and knowing I have the ability to move through anything with grace and am being watched over by divine guardianship. Definitely good confirmation for it being time to bring forth gifts into action, but also a time to not act impulsively and await those air stream propulsions by assimilating everything to create alchemical alignment.
And just a few days, while on our way home, I counted 17 hawks that showed themselves (I think the most has been 44), and as we were on our way back up the mountain to our tree house – I was driving – my hawk eye caught two coyotes to the right at the side of the mountain.
They were very camouflaged and otherwise would not be seen, unless you knew where to look and how to make them out. I immediately told Dave and pointed, slowing down, and he saw them while remarking how much they blended in.
I normally have only see one coyote at a time, but two together felt significant.
Their medicine speaks to me of all things being sacred – so yes even the uncomfortable processes and the times you feel all you can do is focus on survival – that laughter and playfulness is always important to have running behind the scenes (a big one for me that I keep cultivated), about cunning and knowing how to balance risk and safety, about adaptability and the need to stay flexible always especially in seeing another way, about instinct being important to connect to, and yes about that trickster energy, but more about having integrated dual sides skillfully of wisdom and foolishness that help us learn. As way-makers they’ve been known by many to be symbolic of endings and making way for new beginnings. They also are known to mate for life and know how to nurture and protect their family – that stands out to me in seeing two this time for the first time.
And not more than two minutes after, my hawk eye caught two deer to the left on the side of the mountain this time. I slowed down again to point out to Dave who then saw them, remarking it was quite a wildlife sighting day. 🙂
The coyotes medicine was balanced out, and in some ways enhanced, with deer medicine of love, grace, gentleness, compassion, innocence, peace, beauty, fertility, femininity, humility, swiftness, acceptance, regrowth, renewal, creativity, spirituality, psychic power, subtlety, higher connection, awareness, abundance, benevolence, and watchfulness. Interesting to note there were TWO again. Really emphasizing that divine union, duality in balance, and sacred relationship with the parts within and without.
Interesting that there was predator and then prey – another balance exhibited in Nature’s cycles and not too far off from collective things exhibiting themselves a lot these days.
I will continue to draw upon their meanings for me personally, as I move through these full days and equally full and symbolic nights of layered dreams and even more animals spirit guides showing up in them to include, bat, spider, cats, and rabbits.
There is much going on with everyone everywhere and not only is there a lot of things being unveiled in the collective as well, surfacing as challenges in order to help to heal, but I know of many dear friends going through huge hurdles right now and I can’t help but feel both a sense of withdrawal to preserve my energy, but also this inversion within that withdrawal of deepening into greater ways of being able to share my love with them all. More duality playing out in a unified way that makes sense only to the heart.
I wish everyone greater peace with all that you are experiencing directly or indirectly. It’s something I constantly work on for myself as well, to know peace and harmony more intimately by the day.
We are reconfiguring things for sure and where it leads is unknown, but can only be navigated by a heart anchored in love.
Beauty shows up in the most unlikely of places because the seeds of love are present within all expressions of life.
Depending on how the life force is fertilized, results in varying forms of manifestation.
Since all things start from the same seed, does that make anything separate from the love of All That Is?
The bitter and the sweet are two sides of the same coin.
The only thing separating them is our judgment and attachments, but they both are creative manifestations of free will and inevitable expansion.
They are also varying ways of All That Is making love to itself and experiencing the depths of potentials that live within that romance.
Yesterday’s trail at Devils Garden held both beauty and challenge, as we traversed the 4.2 miles of duality and deeply rooted, collective symbolism.
I had no idea that I’d be holding so much energy for all who had been called to explore the same area and energies on this day, but it became clear to me on our return route back what the theme of this journey was – reflecting the shadow and misconceptions around it.
So much so, that by the time we reached the car at end of the hike, I was energetically exhausted, having challenge staying awake while driving us back, and then feeling the need for major recharge when we got home.
The day began with the warmest temperatures we’ve had in a while – mid 70’s – which meant I got to wear my hiking dress and not get layered up.
So I put on my colorful dress I bought at a Himalayan shop in Sedona, grabbed my cowgirl hat, slipped on my favorite Chaco hiking sandals, and off we went.
This was the first day in a while that my “spiritual skin” of sacred tattoos was completely exposed, and how fitting that we were exploring Devils Garden – as I wear misunderstood symbols like the dragon and serpent, not to mention, in totality all of my dark, black, symbolic tattoos to many whose beliefs are rooted in ways different than my own, would connect to “evil”, dark, wrong, and yes, the Devil.
I even had someone once a long time ago ask me about these symbols saying they were Illuminati connected and asked me about that and if I was connected.
My only response to them was, “Only you know the answer to that by looking inside your own heart.”
I had no need to defend or explain anything. One doesn’t when they embody the truth.
So on our hike, many eyes were upon me. I received several compliments from a few people, as well as shared smiles with a few passers-by that had a tattoo or two of their own.
But apparently there were other kinds of looks too, which Dave shared with me with giggles, as he said he finds it fun and fascinating to watch some people and how they will stare or react to me – most of them being middle to older aged people and couples that come from a different generational belief system that has been strongly conditioned and rooted beyond simply ideas – but rather a programming within their DNA they react from.
And he too thought it was all compounded by the dress, sandals, cowgirl hat, AND tattoos, as no one else was dressed like that since most people have a “norm” way of dressing when hiking.
So it all created quite a looking glass, but was it “me” they saw, or something about themselves?
I explain this briefly in a very short video I felt inspired to do at our destination point on the hike – Double O Arch. I’ll share it after this post.
That felt like the perfect portal for this share, as it is an arch that has two O-shaped arches, one atop the other.
To me, this felt like mirrors of duality that reveal and reflect your belief system and the hidden energies around your beliefs on the light and the dark.
And when one can face these truths, you can move on into integrating them, which is the shared bridge between the two O’s.
There is an extension to this hike that goes further to what is called Dark Angel.
We did not feel called to go.
Well, Dave asked if I wanted to, us both feeling complete at Double O, and I said, “there’s no need to go there, as I’m holding the energy of Dark Angel right here.”
Interestingly, when we arrived at Double O, people dispersed, allowing me time to sit alone within the smaller portal, as Dave felt called to ascend further up the canyon and sit atop a rock there overlooking the view of the Double O and beyond, which is how he captured photos of me down below.
While he was there, and I was at the portal we would periodically hear screeches from what sounded either like a hawk, falcon, or eagle that echoed through the canyon.
We met some very nice people along the hike there and back, and exchanged some words, as well as took photos for them.
Saw many lizards and ravens – one that cawed at us from across a canyon.
The trail first led us to several cool arches – Tunnel Arch, which had two deep arches, Pine Tree Arch, which as you can tell by the name had a pine tree growing from center (I took two photos here, loving the symbolism of a little girl that was in the foreground on one reminding me of my own inner child and a book I’m reading where the woman embodies the medicine of a Native American Indian girl named Little Black Wold Dancing), Landscape Arch, which was huge and looked like a frame to a landscape painting, Black Arch, and several unnamed arches.
Most people only go to Landscape Arch, as the trail then becomes more challenging to reach Double O, other arches, and Dark Angel.
You can either do the primitive trail to get there, which is unmarked and longer, or climb over sandstone slabs and fins with narrow ledges and exposure to heights on another trail – a bit scary for those with fear of heights.
I, once again, got to face that one head on and did.
I thought about the symbolism of this challenging trail to Double O and Dark Angel and how only those ready and/or willing to journey into these energies and reflections, would pass through to receive the messages awaiting them there.
But it wasn’t until I return back, as mentioned earlier, that things really sunk in as to the energy I was integrating myself, as well as holding in mirror for others. I believe my time sitting in the portal of Double O revealed this to me.
And on our return, I had this thought go through me about the connection of Devils Garden and my serpent tattoo, thinking on the irony of this and all the misconceptions around it.
I kid you not, the second after I said this to myself and integrated the depth of meaning, both Dave and I heard a loud, long hiss come from the bushes we had just passed.
He stopped in his tracks and we both looked at each other and said, “what was that?”
We both agreed it sounded like a large snake, like a rattlesnake before they are about to strike.
Dave decided to explore the whole area, but found nothing.
There was no snake in the flesh.
But it was unmistakably a snake.
I said, it was the cosmic serpent and shared with Dave what I had just been processing and receiving right before the hiss.
Talk about powerful messages.
I continued to further deepen into the energy here for me to process and embody more fully.
And found myself in deep dreams last night wandering through rock garden portals.
I’m feeling much more balanced again today, but still recharging from all that I was mirroring, integrating, and holding.
It made me go quiet and perhaps might lead to taking a mini break while things continue to integrate and renew.
So, just in case you don’t hear a share from me for a day or two, you’ll know why.
We embody both the light and the dark, but it is not seen in these limiting terms that words define and judge them by.
It is a melding reflection of both and beyond, where the creative impetus of Cosmic alchemy can be harnessed by turning everything inside out within the vortex of you.
(BTW, right after I posted this blog, I saw the word count and thought it would be fun to add it here: 1313)
This is a short, but on point share from Lee Harris on the dance with duality that many struggle with.
Here we are at the last Full Moon of 2013 and interestingly we find it to be illuminating the Gemini energies of flexibility and adaptability – which are powerful tools to approach all of the shifts we have been experiencing, leading to this New Year of opening experiences.
Gemini is an Air sign and symbolizes our thirst for knowledge and experience. To understand this energy let’s briefly review some Gemini qualities which include communication, being light-hearted, learning about life through a multitude of experiences, teaching what’s been learned, the constantly changing truth, curiosity, being wide open, and the symbolism of the butterfly who flies from flower to flower and enjoys each and every one of them.
Gemini tends to live from the neck up, in the chatty throat and inventive mind – speaking and thinking in continuous flow, which can sometimes lead to spaciness or over-analyzing. There is the tendency then to over-think and talk more than listen, or actually do what we say, so when this energy is illuminated with the Full Moon you need to be sure to listen as much as it is your desire to communicate. As well, it would benefit you greatly to be willing to commit to taking action to fulfill those words spoken, otherwise they remain as empty space filled with unfulfillment.
This is a time to find your voice and appreciate life’s diversity with an open mind that allows new things and surprises into your experience. But also, as mentioned, to remain committed with patient restraint while the old is cycling away, in order for the new to appear on the scene.
Gemini’s ability to easily change from moment to moment is wonderful in allowing for those natural cycles to take place, but if you unknowingly or knowingly use this kind of flexibility to avoid commitment, or out of fear of verbalizing your stand, at any given time to others, then it becomes another denial tactic by which you use this to avoid shining your brightest and living fully.
What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
This full moon also has the duality of Gemini Moon and Sagittarius Sun in action, which can add to some confusion in feeling pulled in different, and sometimes opposite, directions. You have the ability to shift directions easily by embracing that inner flow of feeling that can help to subdue the overactive intellectualizing. The Air element provides breathing space for the emotional freedom craved, but it also can produce the “hot air” of either misleading words (leading to misunderstandings) or simply “talking the talk” as we wonder about options, question over and over, and flip-flop constantly. So it’s important to stay on top of your worries, fears, and self-doubts and be conscious of how you are communicating intentions with hesitancy or clarity.
You may feel both full and empty simultaneously. Walking, movement in general, and deep breathing can help to move the energy through so it doesn’t get stuck or over-stimulated and produces congestion, heaviness and nervous anxiety. Striving for balance is key with the Full Moon in Gemini.
Taking those faithful leaps will help you to overcome the duality Gemini presents and will be a way to put your wisdom into action. Moving past heavy limitation with a heart with wings to fly high and go more public with the things that are self-nurturing to you will help you to be more fluid. This may bring higher responsibilities to your life, which is something we’ve been trying to embrace more of, and in fact will provide greater freedom.
I’ve talked before about things feeling like they’ve been on hold and with this Full Moon you may feel extra restless or experience increased anxiety that things aren’t moving as fast as you would like or “think” that they should. This is where breathing in the acceptance of what is here now will be helpful in releasing that mental stress and tension and getting you more unified toward what is being created, rather than scattered.
If you can become aware of the dual ways your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are running a muck, then you’ll harness that inefficiently spread energy that is not only sending out mixed messages to others and the Universe, but working against you and what you are working towards creating.
Mental stress is a leading proponent of sleep deprivation, nervous and compulsive disorders, fear and worry, and compromised health. And it will take you out of your heart and suppress the voice of your inner guidance that would be of assistance to you if you could hear it over the loud mental chatter. So it’s really important to strive for flexibility, to gain that balance, to be the breath of fresh air that you seek from others, and to speak to yourself and others from the heart.
The Full Moon in Gemini supports reflection and inquiry into your emotional field of experience and asking yourself how you are feeling, THEN using your insightful wisdom to understand so that you can implement actions with all of your parts working together.
The heart of the Galactic Center (where the Sun is sitting during this Full Moon) is singularity and yet Gemini is about duality. So this makes for some interesting energy to work with when we have been focused on transcending duality. Again, it takes us back to that balance needed, the ability to observe all parts, and to be able to step in and out of them without attachment, but with the realization and respect for the value each embodies as an integral part of the whole. And with Sun in Sagittarius, this assists our ability to expand our mind and go further than the limitations of black and white.
This becomes the complexity of energy with this Full Moon, as we are working at understanding the larger picture and utilizing the mental faculties of Gemini to broaden our point of view to see more of what we are each here to do and to redirect our energies in the ways that will align in support of that.
This “reorientation” is a big theme for this Full Moon which utilizes our individual, mental and spiritual energy in new ways that will support the now and future at large, simultaneously.
This may be a time of receiving unique and expansive insights, not to mention unexpected gifts – if you are able to see and work with the energy as such. This can also be a time of extra tension because of unexpected events that you aren’t able to be open, flexible and adaptive to – hence the innate gifts then become unwanted challenges.
This Gemini Full Moon activates the Galactic Center, which can be seen as an awakening burst of energy supporting new thoughts, ideas, and ways of being in the world, as you release all limitations with full trust that you and your efforts are completely being supported.
Yes, all things new are abound. Engage expansion of your horizons, which will include having the optimism and willingness to commit and dedicate yourself with utmost faith. This will lead to new ways of living and being. Moving, exploring, and traveling to distant lands or even just journeying farther in your mind’s visualization and imagination “eye” will initiate the creation of dreams into being.
Believe that resolve is at hand.