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When Shadow Meets Vulnerability: Tale of the Magickal Strawberry


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Friday was a particularly key day here at the Forest Portal, when for the second time a sweet little one found her way into my care. You may remember Fiver the mouse last year who truly touched my life in the short time he and I had together. And just three days ago, it was Strawberry the chipmunk who carved out another place in my heart. I often find myself in a guardian and caretaker role to create sacredness and reverence around our animal brothers and sisters – and especially so for the most vulnerable ones.

While Fiver’s journey was beautiful and full circle in the natural cycles, Strawberry’s experience met with happier endings in terms of how our human hearts view things.

As you know from a recent blog post, Dave and I have been readying our garage to be organized and spiffed up. This included resurfacing the floor – quite a project Dave did himself – and involved thorough cleaning to prep it, and then filling in cracks in the cement with a thick repair epoxy that you apply, and finally refinishing with a strong epoxy paint finish to seal it nicely. Well, on Friday, he’d just finished the second half of the garage with the cement repair, which was drying, before finalizing the last round of paint. He then was inside working, while I got the feeling I should water my Garden Tower and plants outside. So, I went into the garage to look for my large two-gallon watering can I’d given to Dave to use for the cleaning process of the garage floor.

I walked in to look around, and immediately my eyes went to the left side of the garage where I saw movement. I knew right away it was a chipmunk who had gotten herself stuck in the drying cement epoxy. Dave had the garage door open to help it to dry, which he’d done the previous days of work, as well, but today a little one became extra curious with layers of messages and experiences tied into that choice.

I acted fast, as she was obviously frightened and desperately struggling to free herself, which was NOT going to happen on her own.

If I hadn’t shown up when I did I’m convinced she would have struggled to death with exhaustion and further emotional and physical torment, as her fragile body would not have been able to handle it, and nobody was going to go back in the garage for a while since it was drying.

Chipmunks are prey animals and extremely vulnerable and sensitive (like rabbits), despite their adventurous bravery. Plus, with that free-spiritedness comes a restlessness and desire for them to be free. This was not only “killing” her spirit, but would ultimately be her demise.

I acted fast, knowing I had to free her. I couldn’t do it with my hands, as that stuff was just too thick, plus I wasn’t sure how she would react to my handling her. So I found gardening gloves on the shelf and went to work very cautiously and gently removing each part of her body (mostly the right side) from the silvery goop imprisoning her. It only took a minute and once I had her free I yelled for Dave to come help me.

He had no idea what I was yelling about, but arrived in surprise to find me standing there holding a little chipmunk gingerly in my hands. I told him we needed to see if we could wash some of the stuff off somehow, so he immediately grabbed a bucket and went in to fill it with water and some Dawn we had on hand – which is the stuff they used to remove the oil on ocean wildlife during the spills. It was also the only stuff that worked best with Cosmo when I had to wash him, so we still had it on hand luckily.

I held her gently and she seemed to understand and didn’t struggle much, while Dave gently rubbed around her right eye, which we felt was most important, as she had it closed and the outside was fully covered, as well as the fur around it. We got as much as we could off while the stuff was still somewhat wet, but it was impossible to get everything, as it is super thick and already hardening, as well as we couldn’t rub her too hard. But we did free her eye so she could open it. Dave went to work on the rest of her body as much as possible and he got a decent amount (maybe 1/3 or more), but still she had a layer covering the right of her body, her back, and her legs.

She’d been moving a bit in my hands, but started to slow down and stopped moving. We decided to stop because she was likely in shock and any further torment would have been too much. It’s enough that she got stuck, but now she was being held, which prey animals don’t like.

So, I told Dave to get a box with towels for her and food. I held her nestled in a towel in my hands (I had removed the gloves now, as I wanted her to feel the closeness and warmth of my touch rather than the distant, non-organic gloves), as she went into a fetal position and gave her Reiki while I envisioned her healed and whole. He came back out and we wiped her a bit to try to dry her and then I put her in the towels so she could balance back and dry.

I didn’t realize Dave had also gotten his camera and before I knew it he took this photo of us, which caught me in my sadness.

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I ended up sitting with her for an hour, as she didn’t move. She laid in the same fetal position and I knew she was traumatized by it all and at this point I was worried that it had been too much for her little heart, as her breathing was labored and nearly non-existent at times. I decided to get one of my amethyst crystals for her and put it in with her to aid her in calming down and balancing out.

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I stayed with her, breathed with her, flowed fluid Cosmic light through to her to fill her body, and caressed her crown now and then. All the while my heart and eyes filled with tears that I brushed away in order to be there for HER. If she was going to pass, I didn’t want her to be alone. So I continued giving her Reiki and I told her, “I love you,” several times.

She kept hanging in there and I had the sunlight on her to keep her warm while her wet fur dried.

While this was going on Dave had called our local wildlife rescue, whom I also called for Fiver, and we called once for a dove too (who ended up being okay). They didn’t answer, but I was glad they hadn’t, as I remembered that when I told them of Fiver, they said there was nothing they could do and if I wanted to bring him in they wanted me to know that they would feed him to their rescue predator birds. I knew he would be better off living the rest of his time nurtured and in comfort and peace with me….I felt the same for this little chipmunk sweetie, whom I now knew was in my care and relied on me for knowing her choices she would want supported.

I didn’t know if she’d turn around or not, so I told Dave we should find a bigger box to keep her in while she recovered and we nursed her. So he did, and made holes in the top for air, then I gathered pine needles, pine cone, some branches, put in two towels, and we added some raw unsalted hazelnuts and pieces of apple to create a little healing sanctuary for her. I included the amethyst once again.

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I placed her gently inside (you can see her on the left of the box above) and brought her indoors into my room so I could be with her, and kept the top closed and door closed so the cats didn’t know she was there, which avoided any added stress of their energy around her.

I kept checking on her, but she didn’t move much.

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Just breathed, blinked her eye sometimes, and slightly moved her front fingers. I gently touched her back legs, as they had the most stuff on them, feeling worried they might petrify, and rubbed her gently on her head and back to soothe her with Reiki. But mostly left her in peace to recuperate.

Intuitively I felt she was a girl, whereas Fiver the mouse and Blueberry the baby rabbit I felt were boys. I decided to confirm all of this with my pendulum, which it did. I then immediately got that her name would be Strawberry. For one, it was a chipmunk that ate my strawberries before I netted my Garden Tower and potted plants. Two, it felt to be the perfect partnering name to my wild baby bunny, Blueberry (who just as I wrote that ran by my office). And three, she is just so sweet….like a Strawberry.

We had to leave for an evening Beethoven symphony, so I put Strawberry in a safe room with box lid closed on top of that so she wouldn’t be disturbed and I have to say that the whole time listening to the classical music I thought of her and sent her energy, anxious to go home and see how she was. We were bonded and connected now.

When we got home I found that not only had she moved, but she was up and about sitting on her back legs as these little ones do and cleaning her face with her paws. She then went off to hide/nestle comfortably in the towel under the pine needles, so I figured it was time to say goodnight and wish her sweet dreams. Her wet fur from cleaning her had dried AND she’d eaten quite a bit of the food. YAY!! This was a great sign.

I gave her more food for the night and told Dave that I felt if she continued well the next morning, that we should release her, as I could sense she would be miserable and not do well by being trapped in the box. She’s far too free-spirited and explorative – and sharing that essence myself, I knew that would not be supportive for her. I was prepared to care for her for however long she needed, but the least amount of disturbance to her nature was best, if in fact she was capable of going out on her own.

I went to bed feeling lighter and optimistic, grateful I had found her, she was doing better, and that she chose me for this journey.

The next morning I checked on her again and she’d eaten more food and had continued moving around. Her untouched/non-epoxy coated fur looked fluffy, and when I gently nudged her, she was moving all four legs and feet spritely like her chipmunk self.

True to her chipmunk self and what she symbolizes, she wasn’t going to let anything get her down. Depression isn’t part of their M.O., as they maintain positive outlooks on life always, teach us how to view things lightly, and never let the idea of failure get to them.

Strawberry seems like the perfect mascot for the Summer Solstice Gratitude Giveaway that just kicked off today with 39 committed souls.

They are also great leaders in bringing harmony and fulfillment to life, as they know how to balance dedication to work with playfulness and fun. They turn hardworking into an artform of adventure, where discovering new things is their joy and the way to make things more pleasureful in the process.

They also enjoy solitude and that’s just what Strawberry was needing. She mostly wanted to hide in the towels and I don’t blame her, as this was all quite the adventure she likely didn’t have a clue would be this tough.

I do have to say that she was the sweetest and trusted me fully, as I never handled her again with gloves after the first initial phase and she never tried to scratch, bite, or do anything to me. We had an understanding.

We decided it was time to release her so we took her box outside my sliding door on the deck. Dave gently turned the box on its side while I held everything in place so she had a soft and easy transition with the movement. Dave then taped the box in a way it provided a small opening on the left where she could come and go as she pleased, but would keep out any larger animals.

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In this way, she could choose to stay or go, and had a safe and warm place with food if she so desired or found herself not feeling as well as she thought she was.

Astrid had been a part of the whole experience, and along with me, was nurturing Strawberry with energy through the day, night, and morning. And when we took her outside and placed her down, Astrid was at the door watching over it all, as you can see here.

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Dave left and I stayed a bit giving her energy and told her she could go. I put lots of protection and energy all around her for when she did decide to leave, and intended the healing energy would stay with her as long as she needed. I went inside to let her be, while I worked at my desk keeping the corner of my eye on if she went. I checked about a half hour to forty five minutes later and she was still there huddled in a corner.

I went back in and immersed in things, releasing any need to see her leave, and returned about a half hour or more to check and she was gone.

Strawberry was free, and although her fur would take time for the stuff to completely go through natural cleaning, shedding, and rubbing against nature and the elements, I knew she’d be okay and have quite the story to chat about with her friends. Chipmunks are great with communication, and hence message to us our ability to be good with words, spoken or written. So, it’s no wonder I’m telling her story now, as she chirps it in my ears to give voice to her experience.

It didn’t take her long, as several hours later, when Dave completed the last step of painting the second half of the garage floor, I was called out to the garage again to get something. The second I opened the door and stepped in, what do you know?

Another chipmunk was inside exploring, and had ventured over to the side where Strawberry had gotten stuck. (A chipmunk just ran by my office, as I wrote this – too fast to check who it was). Anyway, luckily all that cement goop was dry and the paint wasn’t sticky and had already started its process so this little one didn’t fall on the same experience. As soon as he/she saw me they ran back out through the small opening Dave had left for the drying.

Strawberry hadn’t wasted any time telling the others how she got herself into the Faery Realm with Astrid and Faery T.

And that’s how Strawberry came into my life for a couple of days, and yet her presence lingers strongly in heart and here in the Forest Portal.

She won’t be hard to spot (at least until she fully gets the stuff off of her fur), so we’re keeping an eye out for sweet little Strawberry.

I took many things away from the experience – from the simple to complex.

Some of it included things just for Dave, some for me, some for Astrid and myself, and indeed for Strawberry herself. Some of it in relation to the symbolism I mentioned chipmunks embody and some of it simply messages I derived from current experiences in our lives.

There was also the collective message to me that keeps coming up in theme of how mindfulness and thinking ten steps ahead is necessary, as to the possible repercussions and far reach things can have beyond your immediate experience. Humans and nature living in harmony isn’t something most people think about, nor how everything we do affects nature’s cycles. Ideas of progress don’t take into account nature in that mix. Technology can be used in ways that enhance and work with nature, rather than completely against it. Perhaps that’s part of why I love living in the mountains and on the forest, and why I like to keep our landscape as natural as possible, so as to blend with nature rather than change it. Our house has a lawn it came with, but I let the clover and other plants and flowers the little animals love munching on, growing on it. Things like fixing/painting your garage can be dangerous, as you saw in this story and it makes me ever-more determined to be diligent in finding ways to not repeat what I, others, or our ancestors have done to Earth’s children. I always drive slow because of all of the animals that cross the street and that I’ve seen killed by recklessness. We can always do better and at any given moment, do our best.

Native Americans view chipmunks as messengers of luck and fortune – sometimes also carelessness and yet even though they don’t think before acting, they are still lucky.

I’d say that’s accurate for little Strawberry and perhaps she might be sprinkling some of her good vibes on us about something good being on its way. Chipmunks are said to grant wishes that reflect your most treasured heart’s desires. Hmmm!

She’s definitely made an impact and through her luck, she taught us to think more like a chipmunk so as to better our lives and theirs.

I also found it interesting that she may be reflecting a message for Dave, since he had done the garage work. He recently has come upon an injury likely from skiing that got aggravated through biking and is waiting on an MRI to see what the issue is. He can still hike, but any weird turns/twists of his leg/groin area causes pain. He told me how it had him very down and worried until the last day or so, as he’s very active – like a chipmunk – and not being able to get out and do the outdoor adventurous stuff he loves, puts a damper on his spirits.

I feel Strawberry was messaging him to keep his spirits up. Even though she also was incapacitated and stuck, she didn’t give up. And while she may carry that odd fur for a while, she’s still going to enjoy life and not let it get her down. A chipmunk must keep that free spiritedness nurtured, which is why I wanted to release her as soon as possible but only if I knew she could walk and was strong. So, like her, Dave too will be ok and have his legs in working order as he likes again to get skiing and biking once things resolve and go through their healing process. Perhaps he just needs some rest and recuperation like she did, and a new perspective, with some Faery dust on top.

Synchronously, the next day after she left, Dave and I went to Tahoe Meadows for a different hike than our usual, which inspired him and got his spirits high again. He found that he could do more hiking than he thought and went out again this morning on his own for an adventure.

As for me, since I mentioned shadow work with the garage metaphor recently in a blog, Strawberry felt representative of this and how quickly we can integrate healing when we bring things to light and invite things to be seen. We all have vulnerable spots and not all of them are always hidden. And with consistent work, they become easy to see.

Strawberry showing up felt symbolic of how ease has come to this process and that things aren’t hidden anymore in my life. They also aren’t things that are bigger than me, nor scary. So while chipmunks definitely remind us of quick journeys into secret passageways, tunnels and doorways, she definitely wasn’t hiding from me – nor do I hide parts of myself away from myself anymore.

She reminded me of my most vulnerable part being my heart and that it’s capacity for love is a huge gift.

She reminded me of what is most meaningful in my life at this time, which is being a voice for the vulnerable and innocent ones – especially the big spirits in little bodies – and to use my gifts merged with theirs to inspire harmony.

She reminded me that this is and always has been my gift – to work with the animals and to be a channel for their message.

She reminded me that my home is an animal sanctuary and all that live in the forest know and I’ll be called upon again and again as a Faery godmother and guardian to those in need.

And to all of that I say yes and humbly embrace the hand they offer me.

When I held Strawberry in my hands, just like with Fiver, Cosmo, Astrid, Joy, Nestor, Gaia….and all of my little ones who have been in my life, all I can feel is both the fragility and endurance of life and love that breathes in that moment and the greatest of honor and responsibility granted for me to embrace.

To have their trust means everything to me. I will never take that for granted.

Strawberry is part of the Forest Realm and I can’t help but feel her actions that day were made with wise intention for us all, including herself. I sense a part of her who has been curious looking in on Astrid and myself in our Faery portal room got the best of her. She may have acted rash, but with chipmunk luck on her side she not only got to walk away with the greatest tale to share with the other chipmunks about what it’s like on the other side of the glass, but she got to receive the love of a Faery and her Faery bunny, enjoyed a decadent feast, and has the silver and Reiki lined fur and body to prove it.

Strawberry became a legend herself, as the magick chipmunk of the Forest Portal.

Love’s Power & Loving Yourself


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Let today be a reminder of love being the most powerful force and transmutational energy that can change your life and experience of it. This isn’t isolated to one day a year, but available always. It’s so easy not to be vulnerable to love and allow a hardening around our hearts to taint us. But as easily as we can stop the flow, we can also start choosing to release that tension and allow natural harmony to wash over, in, through, and around us once again. And as you ponder love’s healing power and the many ways there might be past injuries to the heart still guiding your life, remember that the greatest healing love starts with loving yourself. It is from that place within that everything else will be a reflection of or perspective of.

Try saying “I love you!” at least ten times to yourself today, as you look yourself in the eyes through a mirror. Add a good self hug in there too. You deserve it.

Then try doing this each day until you break down the barriers around your heart, release what’s under those closed doors to heal, and the painful tears turn to joyous tears, as you come to see the beauty of your spirit truly for the first time.

If you don’t have a loved one to share today with, good news. The best friend and lover is yourself. Do something sweet and generous for you. Whatever that may be that speaks to your heart. Simple or big, it doesn’t matter. Just do it and indulge in self nurturing. Your spirit, heart, body, mind, and soul will thank you.

 

Reverence for the Void


For whatever reason this morning this blog post from 4 years ago came to me to reshare. Perhaps it has meaning or supportive words for some of you who are going through challenges, transitions, confusion, or unknowns in your life at this time. I couldn’t reblog it for some reason, so here is the link: Reverence for the Void

Balancing Seasonal Shifts for New & Healthier Versions of Embodiment


A short post update (and last until I finish my book), as I’m continuing to hunker down with my writing, to send a little New Moon and Equinox love your way. This week is another gateway for anchoring in new intentions and realities, which is why I’m keeping focused and listening to the guidance on completing my book during this potent portal – based on my progress so far and yesterday’s amazing writing day that definitely will happen this week YAY! We have a Virgo New Moon in a couple days and the Equinox rounding out the end of the week, so a wonderful transition time you can harness mindfully in empowering your own true source of light within.

Virgo urges us to bring our bodies back into balance and supports our journey of integrative healing on all levels, while doing this WITHOUT being self-critical and WITH a lot of loving attentiveness.

Once again, I feel like a literal embodiment of this message with my restructuring foot fracture and the healing integration and nurturing I’m following to create harmonious alignment with the new.

And embrace of this with gratitude and love has increased the process tenfold with blessings abound and productivity galore. Yesterday was truly one of those days I cherish, where I spent 8 hours in full writing mode, which had me lost in the creative world of my imagination and parallel realities. I felt like the fact that my writing brought me to tears and I was crying through the fluid channeling of the story that was unfolding in creative “real time” was a great sign that I was in the vortex and that the content streaming through WAS that real. I LOVE when this happens. Pure alchemy in motion. I also love when what I’m writing happens while I’m writing it, or after. Powerful stuff! A few more days of that and I’ll be done. It also demonstrated being in the zone of my essence, as I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else in the beauty of that experience and the joy of creating from my heart.

These are the inner shifts taking place at this time….aligning us with our “nature”.

A seasonal shift marks a time for inner shifts and repatterning ourselves to step into that flow of Nature’s cycles.

So be a best friend to your inner darkness and shadow, for understanding it engages healing integration that is vital for soul growth. We are encouraged to face our fears and retrieve all of the projections and separations we’ve created, which are illusionary. This leads us to alchemy of the heart.

We’re encouraged to also stop medicating the truth with fluffy avoidance and robotic affirmations, in order to sink into the nature of our BEINGNESS.

I find myself continuously swimming deeper and deeper into this experience of richer embodiment. When I think, wow, this is amazing, I’m then soon shown something even more incredible is possible because that’s the truth of it – there is no end to the possibilities. WE create endings, but it’s all a continuous beginning and recreating we can choose ways of experiencing.

I’ll leave you with these passages from an old post of mine that speaks to this:

Nature reminds us that we need to relinquish the need to hold on tightly with fear and to trust in the process – to allow ourselves to have everything we thought we knew about ourselves to be stripped away, only to discover a greater truth to our authenticity beneath the temporary structures.

And in the process you’ll discover the only thing that is eternal is the core essence of who you are beneath the temporal layers. You learn then that the rest isn’t as serious as you make it and is simply part of the journey to that core.

We let go, just as the trees effortlessly allow their leaves to shift colors and float off in the wind. We embrace the only permanence, which is change. And we take grateful stock of what we do have, while preparing for a new birthing that will be incubating during the symbolic stillness.

Seasonal transitions mirror the evolution of human consciousness and the dynamic shifts of life cycles.

The eternal cycles of birth and death, creation and destruction – all teach you the wisdom of harmonic co-existence. 

You become a conscious and active partner in the rebirthing process, as you walk through the flames of destruction with grace.

It’s a good time to decide if you want to continue forward supporting your ego’s will or your soul’s destined journey. Decide what it is worth to you to live in the authenticity and joy of your essence, and what decisions you can make to release all that is not of that, in order to be all that is.

As we celebrate the Equinox and Autumn’s graceful arrival, let us remember to breathe in the beauty of who we are, trust in the cycles that will always return us to balance and harmony, and gently nurture the inner world, as we cleanse it of that which no longer serves and prepare for the renewing cycle that will be spiraling round again.

With my own foot fracture I feel I released the pressure of much and broke from one version (within and without) and allowed a new version to form, which released the temporary structure of old “me” to birth a new Pisces self with stronger foundations of what that means to me.

We constantly have these choices and possibilities that needn’t be harsh for us to experience, and yet our higher selves know EXACTLY what is of greatest support for us.

Rewriting A New Ending ~ Deepening a New Beginning


Dream posts continue, as this was another meaningful dream I felt compelled to share now that I’ve had time with it for myself. The day after my dream I posted yesterday about the two blue snakes and gila monster, as you might recall was the day “The Tree Beckoned and I Followed.” Well, after that experience in finding the presence of orbs all around me inside the tree portal (appearing like I’d stepped inside the Cosmos) that night I had another potent and healing dream that brought full circle a gift from my beloved rabbit, Joy, who has also been showing up so profoundly lately.

Synchronously, this was also the night of the marches collectively taking place.

Since many of you so sweetly sent messages and love about Joy when she transitioned and have followed along with my bunny love’s journeys, I thought this might be not only conclusive as a companion piece to my share about Joy’s last moments and days on Earth in the physical I wrote and spoke about extensively in this post “In Life & Death, “Joy” Is Always There,” but may also be supportive to others who have experienced loss of their beloved animal companions and loved ones in demonstrating the eternal connection that does not end and how we are continually being supported by the connection shared.

In my dream on Saturday 1/21, Joy was with me and she had taken ill, just like in the end before she left in waking life. The odd thing was that her tail came off in the dream and it was very large – much larger than normal size. It literally broke off on its own, but perfectly. I could see all of the tiny bones and ligaments that connect it to her bum, but where it broke off was so clean and precise, without blood or any signs of injury. This indicates to me a sense of no suffering being experienced on her “end” and a clean “ending” and healing closure at the “tail end” of this experience. The tail being so large and furry feels to be definitive in this closure and the “end of an era” again reiterated for me, balance being restored, and that I’m using intuition, creativity, and wisdom in my life more than ever and this will be increasing.

Although rabbit’s feet are connected to “lucky charms,” the tail may also be considered as such since there is connection with rabbit’s tails as their way of escaping predators with the white flash of the tail confusing them as to their exact location when in pursuit.

I also feel this symbolism she showed me is directly connected to my book, but that’s for me to understand the connection, although I will say that direct healing is involved on many levels with its unfolding.

But back to the dream….

I then notice her feet, especially the left one, and they look exactly like Fiver’s – the mouse that I nurtured recently.

These mouse feet were only on her back legs, just like Fiver’s back legs were the only part of him that showed signs of his injury from the impact to that area and lower back.

That left leg on her was completely limp, red, bruised. I remember one spot on Fiver’s leg had a bruised, red area, so again tied in with him.

Then in the dream she comes and lays on me, as I comfort her and caress her.

In the dream I start calling around to vets to get her in (just as I did in waking life when she took ill), but I get the sense she won’t make it in time to get there. In real life, she had just made it to the ER after a long over an hour’s drive and then passed not long after I left her in the doctor’s care to monitor over night, at her request.

So, now in the dream I am aware she won’t make it and I will just be with her to help her transition peacefully, just like I was there for Fiver.

She is in my arms and then suddenly she lets out a little cry, followed by one last big breath and I know she is leaving her body with that.

Nestor had let out a piercing, excruciating cry when she left this Earth, but this was different….it was soft and although rabbit’s only cry when in pain, it was an indication of release rather than suffering to me and not as tormenting to experience as Nestor’s was.

(BTW, this is how she actually transitioned when I left her at the ER, as the doctor shared this with me when she called to tell me that she let out a soft cry and took a big breath and went.)

I then rub her head softly, as she lays in my arms and tell her over and over that I love her, wanting that to be the last thing she hears before she completely goes and slowly her heart and breathing wind down to nothing.

I’m sobbing in the dream and at this point can feel my half wake state in real life and know and can hear me wimpering in real life too.

Although emotional, it was a gentle experience and was not at all a dream, but completely a reality she and I were sharing for a purpose and rewriting the end together.

I felt that she was connecting me to understand a deeper healing than I may have been aware of that I had through Fiver.

Perhaps wanting me to know she had projected a part of herself in Fiver when he had come to me, or that he had been sent to me by her, as a way for me to experience this healing with him through her.

This may include being there with her at the very end when she transitioned, since I was not when she passed, as I had left her at the ER by her choice in not wanting me to have to go through that experience.

Although I knew she wanted that and maybe thought I was not ready yet for this, I felt like I wished I’d been there. Maybe her seeing how I handled Cosmo’ passing, made her now know I was ready and she gifted me this experience in “dream” time and with Fiver, so I could relive being there with her.

And she gifted it in a gentle, beautiful way.

Even the way that Fiver jumped on the crystal when he transitioned, like blasting off into the Cosmos, could have been a sign of connection with her since Joy was so connected to crystals herself and always layed with them and had their points jutting into her body to receive their energy, working with gridding our homes and journeying with them.

This dream, as they all are to me, was very “real time”. And I did feel this sense of deepening closure and peace knowing I supported her this way and that I was strong enough now to keep going through these kinds of experiences in supporting these sweet souls in their transitions.

And afterall, Joy is a cosmic traveler, shape shifter, and portal journeyer. You might recall that she and Nestor showed up in Glacier National Park as the two cosmic deer on the day I spread their ashes, from this post: Spreading Ashes, Spreading Joy ~ Cosmic Encounters & Sacred Connections

So connecting with Fiver is not far from reach for her either. 😉 And creating timeline jumps for us to relive/recreate what “is” would be right up her alley too. I love how she changed the “ending” and that I could be with her.

Quick side note and speaking of Nestor, the day after that dream we headed down the stairs from our place and the crew was there shoveling the snow as they do and one guy says to the other to alert him we were coming up behind him since he was busy shoveling and didn’t see us, “Watch out Nestor.” I smiled so big knowing my sweet Nestor was wanting to chime in too with reiteration to the dream connections.

And to add to the timings and synchronicity, another tie-in with Joy took place just a couple of days before my dream of her. I received a voicemail message from the doctor in Jackson, Wyoming who did her surgery. The story line of this is included in the above post on her transition.

He was such an angel, who came in on his day off to do this, talked to me on the phone, provided me his personal number and went above and beyond in helping her/me.

A little rewind…..about a month or a few weeks after Joy passed I’d sent him a plant with a nice thank you note just wanting to acknowledge how grateful I was for everything that he’d done for us. He even called me the night she transitioned after talking with the ER doctor that night (late I might add) to give her background right before she passed.

I actually never heard from him after I sent the thank you gift, so I wasn’t sure if he got it, but figured that our crossing of paths was complete.

Then 6 months later he calls and in his message says he just wanted to say hello, was thinking of me, thanked me for the nice plant and thoughtful card…and told me whenever I had time to give him a call to talk because he had felt such a good vibe from me and really connected with me, so he wanted to see how I was.

I was so touched and it felt like Joy’s way of starting to get the ball rolling with her plan of recreating the “end”.

And then back to the day at the tree portal, right before that night’s dream, I now was able to connect the dots and that this portal was activating the opening to this experience Joy was setting up for me to rewrite “history” and I feel that larger orb above me was her.

What an experience and how gracious and loving Joy is to gift me this one thing I had wished.

There are no limitations to our connections, eternal love and bonds, and what is possible.

I feel a greater lightness and deepening of my love with her and my loves, and gratitude for her gifts in knowing what would be perfect for my journey and moving forward with my work.

Cancer Full Moon’s Invitation to Emotional Wholeness & an End to Suffering


With Cancer Full Moon energies abound, the thing that stands out most to me is a focus on the emotions and emotional field and the very subtle and loud messages that have been trying to get our attention here. There’s this huge potential for immense opportunity or major challenge that can manifest as a critical point – in either case a turning of the tides is at hand by vulnerably and transparently embracing the flow of your watery depths and being honest with where your resistance, denial, repression, defiance, defense, and refusal is so that you can make those breakthroughs.

This calls to mind something I recently read that feels in alignment with this and important to share.

It speaks to “suffering” and the language and dialogue, not to mention beliefs, we use daily to keep us small, victimized, martyred, sabotaged, excused from responsibility, and/or in a continuous spiral of confusion and hopelessness…..It’s about how suffering can be another mask we wear that taints our entire life.

Here is the message:

“Emotional suffering is a big disguiser, a mask. Suffering can be kind of arrogant belligerence with which you agonize through life. Take off that mask, and the person has lost her main occupation. So no matter what she accomplishes, she will be wearing that false face. She will simply give it another name.” ~Star Woman

In what ways do you claim suffering as your role in life?

Perhaps there is a new perspective in which you can approach your life experiences and arise.

In any case, your emotional responses and feelings – your mental reactions and portrayals of your emotions – can provide you answers and be the key to unlocking your freedom.

The way through them IS to go through them with personal integrity, which may sometimes include inviting in and being willing to receive support and reflections from others.

The challenge takes place when we stop short, attach to a particular emotion, and decide to set up camp there and grow roots.

With this Cancer Full Moon, let us embrace the gifts of the feminine and bring her into her authentic power.

Golden Tears


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Just like humans with blood flowing through our veins, trees have their own vascular system of flowing sugary liquid filled with water, nutrients, hormones, and minerals known as sap. Trees don’t typically leak sap unless damaged in some way for instance by a cut made in its trunk or due to bacterial infection for instance. And yet, this golden life source and healing tears are so beautiful when exposed vulnerably. Perhaps, once again, Nature shows us how exposing our own mysterious depths is rich with beauty and simply a way to know our wholeness and how we are divine harmony manifest.

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Frog & Moon Magick


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The amphibious and metamorphic essence of frog is one that feels very close to me of recent. And it’s no wonder I’ve seen so many frogs along our travels, like this one, since Nature reflects to us our mirror. Frogs are strongly connected to the water element and since fluidity has become the journey more than ever, I’m seeing how their essence in so many ways does in fact partner in the flow. They are truly magickal creatures that speak of renewal, purity, cleansing, healing, transitions, abundance, creative fertility, and opportunities abound.

Indeed their ancient wisdom helps foster new perspectives and assists us to leap or swim swiftly from one level of consciousness to another – from this world to the Otherworlds. Frogs help us to experience the Great Mystery with ease and swim in Moon Magick and all of her gifts of the Sacred Feminine.

And how perfectly fitting frog is with our upcoming Full Moon in Aries this Sunday the 16th, which is a Super Moon heralding a real lively burst of energy available to harness and that partners these Sacred energies in a productively beautiful dance.

Frogs help us to find courage in accepting new ideas, to foster a sense of self-nurturing, and to discover connections between ideas. And like this Full Moon’s energy, they align with this being the time NOW to focus on healing and freeing yourself from pain and suffering by cleansing all toxicity from your life (people, habits, things, ideas, etc.) that’s impinging on your freedom and both hurting and holding you back.

Both Aries and frogs are about exciting opportunities being presented and your ability to act now and get things done you’ve been wanting to or procrastinating.

Any projects been knocking at your door?

Hop to it!

You’ll be supported with ease.

When a frog jumps into your life it may be indicative of the opportunities that can be discovered in the now of your transition. And this Moon energy will help to positively get those underway.

The frog has a unique growth cycle and undergoes some incredible transformations in its progression and attainment of full adulthood, just as we humans do. Hence, frog understands what it feels like to endure some serious growing pains, and uncomfortable and even yucky feelings, along that transition.

Their ability to lay enormous amounts of eggs lends to their fertility symbolism as well as being synonymous with abundance.

Frog’s medicine reminds us of our ties and bonds with all life, help us to understand our emotions more deeply, support healing transformations and cleansing rebirth, and activate the remembrance of our ancient origins of cosmic watery essence.

Aries is also the initiator of beginnings and partnered with our sound healing friend the frog, remind us of our song that ignites our essence into wholeness.

Love’s Eternal & Healing Bond


20160520_074349I’m so grateful these two have each other to see them through rough times and to cherish during all times.

After having seen Cosmo through his recent challenges, Joy has her own to face right now, and it’s such a gift to see them balance that support between them, which helps mom too.

Having two elder bunnies: Cosmo 10 and Joy 12, these are precious moments that remind me of what’s truly important and of love’s eternal beingness.

The Beauty of Mourning ~ The Gift of Life AND Death


On April 27th I celebrated the 8th anniversary of my beloved Nestor’s passing and during my time communing with her on our last day in Moab, Utah while hiking to Morning Glory Natural Bridge I asked for a message from her to share with others. This is what came through our connection via message and sound channeling, which was my way of honoring her, as well as sharing the profound wholeness our connection and the experience of physically losing her has gifted me. It’s our hope in some way it will be of support and help you with your own integrative journey through the experience of loss, sadness, and pain.

I first shared this earlier today via my May Newsletter, but given today’s experiences and some messages I received, I felt guided to post it tonight here.

It felt very vulnerable in sharing it and still does, but here it is.

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