Reinvention is a way of life for me and, in general, I feel that as innately creative spirits there is a constant propulsion to continually evolve. Creative energy is just that, it’s energy that has a momentum of finding ever-new ways to express itself. And as we do so, this is the natural evolution of creative love unfolding.
If you are an artist – be it of painting, illustration, music, wood work, jewelry, writing, gardening, flower arranging, building, dreaming….this would be the artist’s journey. However, as I’m known to say, this is also a way of life….life as art.
There’s no end to creativity and even if you revisit some of your older ways of doing things, you revisit it with a new perspective and infuse a spark of growth and understanding to it that will take your work and expressions to another level.
Creativity is a process without an end result. Every moment is mad genius and something to savor.
And this constant reinvention is a necessary part of life and being. It is the alchemy of transformation. Nature reflects this so powerfully to us and shares how creativity is both necessary and beautiful in every phase of the process.
The boundless quality of creative energy mirrors the eternal spirit and so it is through creativity that we learn about the mysteries of the Cosmos and the journey becomes a wondrous adventure of both personal evolution and collective unfolding.
For me, painting is a way I enjoy this exploration of deeper inner journeying as a way to know both myself more and the world around me.
I never felt drawn to taking classes outside of the ones we either had to, or had as electives, through elementary, middle, and high school. For some reason I felt inclined to keep this part of my life raw in its nature and didn’t want to feel controlled by rights and wrongs. I wanted simply to bring forth my visions without boundaries. Having everything else in life feeling so controlled, this let me have one little sacred piece to myself where anything goes.
A way for me to creatively evolve as a natural process and feel where the energy was guiding me to travel as an artist and as a pilgrim of the Cosmos.
At times that may be to bring forth feelings and experiences I’m going through, convey messages of the heart, bring through visions from other worlds I dip into, capture a frequency that acts as a key for unlocking something within the viewer, or simply is a reflection of the beauty I both see around me and imagine.
My own artistic evolution has gone through more than one metamorphosis over the course of my life.
When I was a child I would simply draw the things I loved, which was mostly animals and nature and there wasn’t any technique about it except to bring forth that love. This was a reflection of me feeling free and most naturally myself.
Then I was all about the detail and it would take me hours to work on just a few inches of canvas at a time. Interestingly, this was during the deepest work I was doing, research, and dissection of myself, and trying to define or understand things.
I then found joy in a looser and more flowing way of painting and bringing forth energy like an aurora borealis exploding in blended harmony. This came as I let go more and more and was relaxing into being.
My art evolved into expressing a very ethereal and surreal quality.
And although the love of painting animals, nature, and Otherworldly mysticism still remain my favorite, I currently am drawn to fantasy and a whimsical, Faery tale way of telling a story or imparting an energetic imprint in your heart through my latest work.
There’s a return to my origins – that child within – taking place with the evolution of my painting and creative journey.
A spiral effect that infuses something new to something remembered.
My style of painting and even personal style of clothing, as well as my life and the work I feel drawn to, keeps evolving and I imagine will continue, as I change.
Creativity asks of us to leap into the unknown and explore and experiment with variety.
It’s like a musical composition you get to compose from the improvisation of your heart.
With every vulnerable stretch you discover a little more of the Great Mystery within and without.
And you’ll experience the vitality of its force that never stands still.
It’s through creative evolution that we forge new realities and create more of the experiences we dream of.
How has your creative journey evolved? Be it, through the expression of your artistry or your life as art?
Do you notice any tie-ins between things you’ve gone through with personal growth and how your artistic expression and life reflect this?
Today we take another break from our regular scheduled program to share my thoughts to another blog challenge – this time from sweet Linda of Litebeing. The title is Divine Mission – Possible Blog Challenge where Linda asks us to “write about what we feel our spiritual mission here on Gaia is” to include answers to the following questions.
Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above?
What have you incarnated to do or to be?
Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it.
Are you delighted to be here?
I chose 11/11/11 as the portal date to share mine, as somehow that felt particularly potent for this declaration and expression, as I’ve come to understand it so far.
Mission is a mixed bag of chips for me, as I do feel we each have focuses, but for me it boils down to the creative expression we are deciding to experience and a frequency we feel resonant with in cultivating more of.
While I feel we make spirit contracts in the way of a committed focus – hence mission – I feel we are also learning how to temper this “mission above all else” idea with love – Cosmic love, that is. One might think that love would naturally be the mission, but in fact there are many times, on bigger picture and smaller picture levels, we will follow a “mission” and forego love on many levels for our idea of the most compassionate, greater good choice.
I don’t agree with this – or at least, not anymore – although don’t have a simple answer to convey. And while it can be tough to find that balance, it leads me on further exploration of how I can best bring through my own example of how I’m coming to see this experience on Earth and beyond looking like to me.
In which case, a more nebulous answer is the best I can muster, as I find myself in continual exploration, excavation, and experimentation.
Was it always that way for me?
In fact, I was caught up so much in needing to “know” my path, my purpose, my reason for being here…my mission, that I got lost in the details and strayed more from the natural way I birthed into being. Everything seemed to be about defining myself more and having to create labels or have a specific focus, otherwise I guess I wouldn’t be good enough?
It seems we’ve all been through that story.
Searching and searching I have done most of my life. But the more I searched, the farther I felt myself to be from satisfied with the results of my research. And if something didn’t fit into my and the collective’s idea/l of how that “should” look, then search some more I would or would wander off into inability to manifest in the way I wanted, or knew was possible, because ultimately I was an idea and not an embodiment.
So, am I a lightworker, Starseed, Indigo, etc.?
I would likely fall into the definitions of what we think of these to be, but I’d rather loosely describe myself as a pilgrim of the Cosmos singing my song and sharing that harmony from the farthest depths of love in my heart I continue to discover, as I dance with All That Is.
I’ve definitely never felt at home here since I was born, although have a huge love and reverence for Mother Earth – Terra. Here was seeded possibility and greater creative expression, and I uphold that origin in the countless lifetimes of incarnating here. And yet, in doing so, I remained trapped in an endless spiral of mission desiring to “correct” things, and misunderstood the scope of that commitment.
Perhaps the fight, and plight for that matter, is an illusion and liberation lies in our innocence.
So while in the past I would have said something like, “my mission is to help, empower, heal, etc. others”….life here has now become an experience.
An experience of what?
I guess if I have to describe it, it would be something like discovering more ways of how I can simply and most purely sing of the love in my heart and more clearly bring through Cosmic harmony as an Earth frequency embodiment – what ever that means – through every encounter I share here.
I dance in the magickal and am enraptured with enchantment, but it’s not the kind that blinds you under a spell, but rather invites and activates a brighter version of experience.
I used to be deeply in pain over my being here again on Earth. I never felt understood and likely still don’t, as there is so much I can’t explain of my experience and why I do and feel as I do, but the difference now from then is that I don’t care and it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I’m also not attached to an outcome and I could easily enjoy being here doing what I’m doing, or be elsewhere because the bottom line will be the same.
Everything I do in one reality, affects the others.
I’ve already shared about going through a profound transformation that, for me, erased all of these ideas and took me to the deepest peace I’ve known yet in this life. It cut away the cords to perpetual cycles I kept recreating in different ways, but same Emperor’s clothing.
I’m still discovering keys to new doorways of potential, but I know now that I don’t need a particular way my path or mission should look to be the love I feel. It’s just an adventure and I can do that while cleaning houses, volunteering at a local shelter, being a clerk at the store, working at the local coffee shop, taking care of my family, living as a hermit on top of a mountain, or being a famous artist or multi-millionaire entrepreneur.
It may not even have to be a “mission,” but simply an expression I keep choosing from my creative heart.
What ever most draws me in to experience.
It doesn’t much matter.
I simply find more ways to dance in imagination and experience through my heart. And I enjoy it all while challenging myself to more creative depths of love and courage I know have no limit.
This is why I’m here, or rather – still here experiencing this new relationship to everything – but it’s also why this seed of my spirit simply IS.
Would I say that I am delighted to be here and love it?
Hmmm….Well, I’m not resentful of it anymore. I’m seeing it as opportunity to embrace the potentials that were seeded here and why so many have been drawn to one of the best shows in this universe – Earth.
I have decided to express the most resonant, creative version of my multi-dimensional self in this focused reality of Earth I am privy to.
I’m certain the other parts of me are doing much the same.
I have a very magickal update to add to the end of this share about what took place directly after posting it. I’ll share it here later today when I return from a new hike we’re heading out to do. So check back for photos and the sweet encounter that took place.
I’m back to continue with today’s experiences. So, as mentioned, directly after I posted this blog this morning on 11-11-11, I went upstairs to wash my coffee cup and get in my hiking clothes for a new hike we had set out to explore today. Well, as I was drying my cup and facing the forest I could see movement from the kitchen through the living room window. I was ecstatic when I realized it was a deer, as we haven’t seen any deer for the year we’ve lived here, although many live in the forest surrounding us. We have seen coyote wander behind our deck and countless little woodland creatures including rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, mice, hawks, raven, and an array of smaller bird varieties, but we had yet to see deer and bears like we saw at our previous condo home.
I ran to the window with excitement and what do my eyes see? Not one, but three deer all munching away on some bushes. Two of them were more camouflaged in the bushes and harder to catch on camera, as I did not want to open the door and scare them off.
They slowly made their way left just outside the fenced area of our side yard and so I, too, went to the side window. One was ahead of the others and she somehow knew I was there above and stopped to stare directly up and at me for a good minute.
Then the others came to join her and suddenly I discovered there were four, not three!
I watched them for a while until they made their way across the street, but knew this was no accident their showing up on 11-11-11 for the very first time since we’ve lived here – well, at least in a way of making themselves known to us that is, as I’m sure they wander through when we’re not looking – and right after I posted this blog. The photos have a glare from the sun reflecting, but make for interesting photos at this angle when the four of them showed up, creating almost windows and doorways – portals – amidst the forest.
I got chills because, like another incident I had in Montana’s Glacier National Park, when two ethereal, Pleiadean deer showed up on the path in front of me this, too, was not simply an encounter of the Earthly kind.
The one who looked me dead in the eye, through my heart and spirit felt to be an emanation of my dear Nestor (rabbit twin soul who transitioned), visiting along with Joy and Cosmo (my two partnered soul mate rabbits), and Gaia – my Russian Tortoise.
I understood their presence as a nudge of love and confirmation and their ability to come through the Forest Portal we live at was supported by this 11-11-11 gateway.
Deer have such a gentle grace about them and symbolize a magickal ability to regenerate and be in touch with life’s mysteries – not to mention are all about the heart energy.
After, we did go on a new hike to what is known as Crater Lake – a desolate, steep, off-the-beaten-track hike that few people explore and on this day we were the only ones out there ascending up the mountain overlooking dramatic Hope Valley.
We happened to take a break under a gorgeous Juniper tree overlooking a frozen-over creek and when I looked at the time it said 11:11! Around our feet were juniper berries with a small glistening quartz in the middle of them right where I stood.
We continued and came to the opening saddle where the lake lies between two peeks.
The lake has a very other-planet kind of feel the way it sits in the crater surrounded by steep rocky escarpments and because of its eastern exposure gets only cool morning sun, which has it covered in sheets of ice and the waterfall above turned to ice as well.
It was a little piece of private cosmic Earth and we felt as if we’d entered a timeline vortex. (This being accentuated by two tree branches on the way back down along the trail whose arms held out in each, a different men’s long sleeved shirt. Both of which we did not see on the way up).
We also found deer tracks! They were moving across the trail, but we had not seen them going up either. Something was afoot and the deer were making themselves known.
Above the lake is a rock field of what appears to be beautifully colorful slate. I made my way around a small cluster of three trees sitting atop the stones, and over a very Faery little world of a different smooth stone covered in moss, to catch the above photo of the lake and it’s there that I found an unusual stone that has a quartz matrix growing in it and these pockets of rainbow sheen with sparkle I discovered later, as well as what appears like fossilized lichen. It’s otherworldly really and I was told to take it home, as it would assist with the next leg of the journey and be a portal access when needed. I couldn’t capture any of the detail mentioned, but this still gives you a feel for its energy.
The rest of the day was sprinkled with alignments including such things as sitting down for lunch at 1:11 and finding exactly the perfect pair of ski boots at Goodwill that I needed to replace my too small boots that hurt my feet that I fractured and since have healed, at 1/4 – 1/5 the cost. These boots were in nearly perfect condition, exactly the 2 sizes larger I wanted, and the same style and brand I currently have. We also found two white candelabra we had just the night before talked about wanting while we prepped for a dinner party we hosted.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to share what unfolded after.
Did anyone else experience interesting little winks, messages, and magickal appearances?
This is a magickal little share on a very synchronous and auspiciously aligned return that just took place, taking things on a new leg of the spiral. Some of you may remember my giant amethyst rabbit that used to be a huge part of my and my little ones’ lives for many years – about 7 – 8, I believe. Then about a little over three years ago it became time for us to part ways, as I had a new journey and adventure that was taking me in a new direction, our time then was complete, and she needed a new crystal guardian to cherish and work with her. That took her clear across the states to the east coast, landing in New York City.
Before then, I taught a crystal workshop, where her new keeper first met her and expressed interest. This also happened to be a very pivotal and transformational time in my life where I was hitting a conclusion on this Earth plane and had an invitation to move on, which I considered heavily. It was also during this time, four years ago, that I was experiencing similar rips in timelines, parallel realities, and odd things showing up, just as I mentioned in my post yesterday that is occurring now as well. I was actually reminded of this, this morning when on Facebook, memories from this exact time, four years ago, popped up on my timeline that shared the experiences I was having that mirrored now. And after that, a huge cosmic influx of experiences and messages kept pouring through that something big was underway, offering me a choice. It wasn’t too long after that that Cosmo came into my life and so did the Magick Bus, and everything took a renewing turn and a new choice was made for a while.
My rabbit, Joy, was with me at the time, and she was very affected by these experiences that she was highly aware of like me. It freaked her out, in fact, as she was seeing things walking alongside our shared reality. I remember the night experiences of seeing someone in our house going about their living, but obviously it was in another dimension than my current one. I would smell cigarette smoke and hear things, as well as saw a portal open through my painting one night (the same one of Nestor, Joy, and the Moon that I have currently in my office) with magickal creatures coming out of it. Anyway, needless to say, it was quite an experience and recently there’s been a similar one, which hasn’t been experienced since that time four years ago.
Joy also happened to be very connected to that rabbit amethyst, which came home to me right after she came home to me. It had a lot of cosmic energy and was connected with my rabbit, Nestor. Gaia was also here when it first came home to me and the two of them would spend a lot of time with it, sitting near or in it, gridding and connecting. The crystal was a portal in and of itself.
It was a big deal when she left to go with her new guardian, (and emotional for me) but I knew it was the right thing without a doubt, and would be very instrumental and helpful to my friend she went with. And in fact, she was.
There’s too many details to recount of recent, but I’d felt the amethyst rabbit a lot now and then, over the course of her being away. I’d heard some stories from my friend she went to and so the connection was always strong and never broken.
With recent shifts, a new leg of my journey and potentials opening, as well as Astrid now in my life, and similar experiences beginning, it was not surprising to me that this crystal in some way would find her way to me again.
I believe Astrid has called it in, as well as the work I’m currently focused on, and what’s unfolding. Not to mention, her current guardian is also going through huge shifts (I see it’s 11:11 on the clock as I’m writing this) and a pivotal life change. She had mentioned to me months ago that the amethyst had expressed it would be breaking in pieces and she started seeing cracks.
Well, she did in fact break into several pieces, which was both very sad and also very beautiful to both myself and my friend, as it definitely mirrors shifts personally and collectively happening, as well as cracks in veils ready to be revealed, and expansion bursting in creative potential. She broke in mostly big pieces, but two smaller ones, too.
I messaged her just a few days ago, not knowing it had broken, to just touch in with her, as I was feeling her and the shifts she was going through. We hadn’t spoken in months. It was then that she told me the amethyst had done as she said and the piece at the very top broke just as she said it would and told me she wanted to send me that piece.
It arrived yesterday, along with the other smaller piece and the timing is auspicious given everything.
This piece is very meaningful to me, as it is the very top of it that was the ears of the rabbit. It includes the ears, top of crown chakra, and extending part way to the third eye.
Ears of my rabbits have always been key in our communicating telepathically and are in general, power parts of them. So having this and the other lovely piece that was part of the outside outline of the rabbit, really is a gift and lovely surprise to have back with me.
Not only are they smaller and more easy for me to hold and engage, but are easy for Astrid to connect with – I let her sniff with her energetic nose as soon as it arrived. I’m excited to see what comes next between her and the crystal, as well as for the three of us. It also keeps an open channel between my friend and I even more so with these pieces connecting us.
And the ear piece now can sit on my desk next to my computer while I work. I have it turned on its side so that the inner ear part is receiving and flowing out to me. I think it’s also very cool that photos of Nestor, Joy, Cosmo, and my crystal bunny statues of all of them, including Astrid are right behind it. You can’t see, but Gaia’s crystal statue and photo are to the right too.
I couldn’t be more excited and grateful.
I mentioned to my Facebook friends who were interested that I would share a bit about my journey around purpose and the way that’s evolved through the various forms of work I’ve explored. Like many of you who feel confused or even tormented by this idea of purpose and life path, or who have been searching endlessly to find that cosmic answer that hits you over the head with clarity, I’ve been right there with you in what seemed like endless cycles of searching. But searching keeps us wanting more, whereas presence and listening will bring us home.
The concept of life purpose is a tricky one, as I do believe we each have something unique and perhaps key to our evolution that we choose to come into form to express and further our creative evolution. However, I feel that this dimension can tweak things in a way that makes us want to finite how that expression could be experienced, since we live in a way that wants definitive answers and ultimate results. Beyond this realm we simply have an essence that propels us and here that turns into a drive.
Perhaps that drive plays into some of why we feel confusion, as we try to squeeze our uniqueness into categories, funnel what could be flowing and amorphous, and then condition one another to do the same once that becomes a collective agreement as to the way things should be done. We buy into what success means and ultimately what that needs to look like. We even buy into what happiness is and disregard what makes US feel good.
The concept of life purpose and all the hype around it is a culprit to this in saying that you have this one absolute mission and you must hone in on that now, although I’m not knocking any of the support out there in wanting to help with this. I think explorations into your feelings, passions, unhealthy patterns, and things that make you tick are very helpful, but to limit all of that into a specific feels counterproductive to creative life force energy that looks for any channel of expression. It simply wants out. Doesn’t care how, but if it doesn’t get out that’s where we create challenges.
There doesn’t feel to be one answer in how you live who you are. How incredibly limiting to a limitless being that would be if you had only one choice and then were made to feel wrong or guilty if you don’t do it right. Where’s the purpose in that? We forget our song when we come into birth, so each little tickle to your heart is a way of remembering.
Purpose feels to be about what moves you and what you do that gives your life meaning, value, and enrichment to yourself and others. It’s about how you spend your time well, what feeds you, and feels important. And this can take varying forms of applying the unique gifts and qualities you have in perhaps one, but likely several varying ways that provide these things. And these can evolve over time along with you. It can be through an actual job/work, in your family and personal life, through volunteer work, passions and side projects, or all of these.
It can be how you do you as well as you can in every waking moment of life and in every encounter, experience, choice, action, expression, and connection you make.
Look at what you’re willing to put in as effort, as everything will take effort of some sort no matter if you love it or not. To say your purpose just happens is false. You have to make the choice and follow through. Although when you align yourself with what naturally feels good, it is easier since you aren’t using energy to balance out things. Yet, every day and moment is a choice and while alignment does create greater flow and opportunities, you still have to take action or do the work. Purpose doesn’t hand things on a silver platter. It’s rising to the occasion of what calls to you.
If painting calls to you, you still have to paint.
If making music calls, you still have to practice your instrument, write the music, and perform.
If it’s writing, well you have to write.
If it’s being a doctor, you’ll still have to get your degree and show up every day at your best.
If it’s being a receptionist, you’ll have to take that job interview and express your personality and social skills with every person you interface with.
If it’s being a mom or dad, you still have to show up and be ready to challenge yourself to love more unconditionally each day.
And guess what? You might do all of these, but you’ll still have to create the time, commit to each expression, and choose to be present with how they all want to channel through you in your own unique way. That’s the beauty of it. You can find your own way of satisfying how you spend your time well – your purpose.
If you look at the things that come naturally to you, that make you smile in your heart, feel good, and are what you loved as a child, let that be your gauge and guiding force without trying to figure out how that needs to look or compare it to what everyone else around you is doing or how they are labeling things, not pressure yourself to hurry up or belittle yourself that you’re so far behind and should be further by now. According to what? That’s an answer you give yourself if you aren’t being present with each moment.
You have to be willing to be more vulnerable and not care what others think, pay attention to the times you get lost in something and lose track of time – which indicates being in the zone, ask yourself what you’re passionate about and how in any way that is part of your life or can be incorporated – not only as a “job” – and then understand that action creates momentum and fuels passion.
That all said, it’s not necessarily that the job you’re doing is wrong, but perhaps it’s an unhealthy work environment, or your approach, judgments, and process of handling it aren’t healthy, you’re out of alignment with your perspective and response to things, your life isn’t balanced so triggers are being created, you aren’t embracing and being grateful for the aspects of the work you do that you shine in and enjoy, you aren’t engaging your passions in some way, which would then make your life more meaningful and fulfilling no matter where you find yourself.
Chances are, what ever work you’re currently doing, you do have a propensity for it and skills, or there are elements to it that you truly do enjoy and shine in. Perhaps it’s the part of you that knows how to motivate a team towards goals, your ability to listen and problem solve, a joy for numbers and details, you’re a great organizer, an awesome leader, have exceptional customer service skills, love interfacing with people, really enjoy the innovative aspects you get to incorporate in idea exploration, you’re incredible with your hands, love building things, are amazing at comforting others, etc.
So, yes, not all of your job might be fun, but those parts are where you excel and get lost. Focus there. And if you need to express other gifts and passions, see how either you can incorporate them or are overlooking them, or can do them in another way in your life. I guarantee when you do these things you will be in the flow and more choices will show up and you’ll know exactly what to choose or do next because you aren’t waiting to have that one thing happen to you. You are engaging your essence now and that creates alignment in any situation you’re in or for new ones to present themselves in form or idea to take action on next. It’s a step-by-step process, but can be fulfilling in each moment if you are being present and creating a balanced way of approaching and expressing your life.
Be mindful if you’re in an unhealthy situation, but weed out everything before saying you’re simply not doing your purpose. There’s likely a lot you’re overlooking because you’e caught up in an idea and also being bombarded by confusing signals you haven’t taken reign of yet. There may be skills you can utilize to make it better or right. You may need to just respect yourself more or stand up to something. You maybe just need to switch companies, rather than the job itself. In some cases you might want to shift gears of how you express that gift and go a completely different direction, but in the meantime, make the most of what you have, as you don’t have to suffer while making that shift. And if you take the actions within your job now, you’ll find how that creates opportunities and openings, not to mention greater peace and fulfillment immediately.
Recently I was triggered to review all the different things I’ve done and explored on my journey of work/life path that a lot of people don’t realize I’ve done, as they only see me now. This is likely the case for many of you and this is what prompted sharing a more revealing insight on my journey, including that spectrum I went through and what I’ve discovered about purpose and alignment for myself, which could be helpful in some way for you.
I thought I would list out everything that I could remember having explored, placing them in categories so that not only would you see what I actually did, but seriously took steps toward and spent time feeling out. All of this was in effort to “find myself” and my “purpose.” I likely at the time appeared to be scattered, fickle, non-committal, foolish, or even crazy. Yet, it’s in the journey of all of this that I’ve been able to finally find peace and see it from a bigger picture perspective I couldn’t see then while caught up in it all.
And while some of these things will seem so opposite or odd in terms of what I do now, I can say with all honesty that any of these things could easily have been continued, if I knew then, what I know now, as each of them DID in fact express some of the gifts and things I enjoyed and excelled in. Some, even, were already tapping into my North Node in Capricorn, which is a focus now for me, as our North Nodes do speak to that infamous “life purpose.” In fact, I was on that path immediately when I was a junior in high school getting accepted already into FIDM with this drive of wanting to get on with life already and out of school because I had a vision of my career. Choices, however, created a detour to unfold each petal for greater understanding of this whole picture playing out.
It was all a journey of learning, but truly the reasons at the heart of why I left these positions or didn’t pursue them was because of my unhealthy approach to the jobs – as in I didn’t have balance in my life and was an extremist at the time so I overworked myself to the point of burn out and didn’t have boundaries resulting in affecting my health and well being. I didn’t know how to speak up for myself, I was afraid to make the wrong decision in terms of choosing the wrong life path (not understanding how a choice simply would lead to more choices just on a different trajectory), I was put off by the processes and commitment I had to make to it, I hadn’t worked through some of my fears and didn’t see these as opportunities at the time like I did later, and the list goes on.
Yet ALL of these things I DID enjoy on some level when I allowed myself to just be in that moment of the aspects that I got lost in and made me shine.
Here is the list I came up with.
Jobs I Had:
- Hostess at a Restaurant – twice (First at Olive Garden when I was 16 and later at Il Fornaio becoming a lead hostess)
- Claims Processor & Promoted to Small Claims Medical Examiner – Worker’s Compensation Insurance
- Loss Control Secretary – Overseeing 5 Field Reps in Worker’s Compensation Insurance (Different company than above jobs)
- Makeup Artist – Department store makeup lines
- Receptionist/Secretary/Personal Assistant/Asst. Office Manager – Investment Firm
- Custom Art Business – Paintings/Murals/Logos/Faux Painting/Art & Writing for a start-up Children’s Show (my first entrepreneurial business)
- Modeling/Extra Work – Fashion shows/Promo Modeling/Ads/Videos/Dance Shows – here’s my blog post on that: Discovering My “Harmony Zone” of Health & Vitality
- Photographer’s Assistant – Worked with a school photographer setting up equipment, the space & handling/organizing kids Kindergarten – High School
- Reiki Master Teacher – Offered sessions & training
- Tarot & Animal Readings
- Author – Wrote & self-published a book – working on a second
- Sacred Tattoo Designer
- Artist – Custom and original work
- Crystal Jewelry & Healing Tools Creator
- Retreat Leader
- Workshop Teacher
- Sound Healer
- Procured & Sold Crystals
- Intuitive Guidance Coach
- Currently manage rental properties
Degrees/Training/Certifications I Got:
- AA in Merchandise Marketing
- Medical Billing Certification
- Makeup Artist Certification
- Acting Classes
- Reiki Master Teacher Certification
- Metaphysical Training
Promotions/Job Offers/Opportunities I Rejected After Interviewing For:
- Claims Examiner – Worker’s Compensation Insurance
- Jewelry Designer for a Jewelry Shop
- Flight Attendant School
- Jobs in Women’s Retail Clothing
- Art Teacher through an Art School
Paths I Seriously Considered/Took Steps Toward/Spent Time Exploring & Feeling Into:
- Fashion Designer – was my first passion before I settled on Merchandise Marketing
- Buyer for Department Store/Fashion Coordinator
- Personal Trainer
- Horse Assistant at Ranch
- Custom Meal Service/Catering
- Cleaning Business
- Personal Assistant
- Retreat Center – Almost bought land & started
- Animal Acupuncturist – Specializing in rabbits
- Rabbit Rescue
I’m not sure if I’m missing anything else, but I think this gives you enough of an idea of how varied and extensive my explorations were and how much I was searching for things right under my nose. In some way, I utilize all of these skills and gifts still to this day in my work and personal life. They just have translated differently based on the new choices I’m making and aligning with in each moment.
Again, truly any of these things, if approached with a healthy perspective, could have been more than what they turned out to be. And yet, they still all DID help me to learn about myself and the things I enjoyed and excelled in.
It’s only now that I have learned about and created balance in my life, that I can see it all for what it is and understand how each piece spoke to a part of me and can even be traced to my Astrological placements and the skills I came into this life with that can be utilized in productive or nonproductive ways depending on my perspective.
There is opportunity in every moment to be living your “purpose.” It’s up to you how you choose to express that, but know that in fact there is no one right way.
At the end of the day or the end of your life, the question to ask yourself is, did I live my life well?
When I saw these photos Dave took of me this weekend, I couldn’t shake the song from one of my fav Christmas stop-motion animations. He thought it was funny I was about to cross through the creek in my moonboots and snow shoes (he leaped across with his longer legs, while I took it one step at a time – immersing in it). I often use this song, much like so many from my fav animations and child-at-heart movies, to inspire, motivate, and make points.
This is a simple post from my simple, inner child perspective.
While I often take leaps, I also simply take steps and steps are in fact part of the journey within the leaps.
With all of the new challenges and leaps I’ve recently been moving through – like taking on our house renovation, facing my fears of heights in the Grand Canyon, committing to writing my new book, and recreating my life’s focuses…..these images made me smile on the symbolism of how to approach things simply by putting “one foot in front of the other” and stepping into the murky abyss you can’t see the outcome of, in order to move forward into new doorways of experience that are desired.
Change is a choice we make in each moment and manifestation is seeing that choice through with action….one step at a time.
You needn’t know the outcome. You merely need to connect with the passion or drive that urges you on.
When you align yourself with your heart, each step becomes easier.
And you soon find yourself having gotten through what you never thought you could.
You find yourself changed, like the caterpillar to butterfly who didn’t know that was possible.
You soon discover what you had inside of you all along.
The heart and ability to follow your dreams through and conquer those road blocks and mountains.
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor.
You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.
You never will get where you’re going
If ya never get up on your feet.
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowin’
A fast walking man is hard to beat.
If you want to change your direction,
If your time of life is at hand,
Well, don’t be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand.
Winter: If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn…
Kris: Oh, you do.
Winter: You mean that it’s just my election?
Kris: Just that.
Winter: To vote for a chance to be reformed? Woo-hoo!
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor.
You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.
There are so many directions I could take this share, given the layers of experience that unraveled in Grand Canyon National Park this last week – mirroring the multi-layers of rock found there “that serve as windows into time.” Rather than orchestrate my direction, I’m going to allow an organic channeling to flow of insights, experiences, and connections, in whatever way they want to come through. Perhaps more will be felt via the energy in the photos shared. Either way, as usual, it’s impossible to really explain in words what is felt and to encapsulate what is so expansive and complex. And so, some mystery will be left to explore within yourself while I reserve some of those sands of time for divine unwrapping. Besides, I am very anxious to get back to completing my book, especially so now with the new integrated energy and Spring opening her gateway.
We were away for nearly 11 days, beginning our trip with Tucson explorations and lovely family time, continuing the adventure deep within the Grand Canyon, and rounding things out with integrative contrast and fun in Las Vegas. I considered these travels a birthday celebration, as I’d just celebrated mine about a week prior to our disembarking.
As shared, this was reiterated and deepened in meaning when I discovered my 45th birthday of 2/26 was shared with Grand Canyon’s 99th birthday as a National Park. The plot thickens. 🙂
I’d also only recently become aware of the hidden and highly covered up potential of Egyptian temples and Tibetan connections within the GC that no one seems to want to acknowledge – no surprise there since it would mean acknowledging science and history were all wrong in so many ways, not to mention, open up more gateways to knowledge that could shift and awaken so much. I knew this would only be an introduction to the GC, but I had a feeling I’d receive my own confirmations of this while there, which would set up future explorations.
Our travels had us in Tucson, Arizona 3/7 – 3/10, leaving early that morning to venture north to the Grand Canyon to meet our friends. Tucson prepped us with beautiful hikes, good vegan food, rest, and family connecting – all perfect for the adventure ahead. On the way north we stopped for a brunch in Phoenix at a wonderful vegan cafe – Nami – where we enjoyed a hearty meal and picked up a box of vegan donuts, pastry, and cupcakes to share with our friends for dessert and breakfast – our last fun, city food before hitting nature fully. We passed Sedona as well, where I caught a glimpse of the red rock there while we headed up the highway. That also felt like an energetic grid light-up, like every little piece was part of a puzzle coming together.
We arrived fairly early on the 10th – around 2:30 pm – giving us plenty of time to prep, go through our equipment, have our friends help us pack our backpacks, enjoy a great vegan pizza and salad bar meal, indulge in vegan goodies we brought, relax in the jacuzzi, and get a good night’s sleep before our 3/11 trek! It started to rain this day and rained through the night, feeling so perfect as a cleansing and clearing, to give us a fresh start. A potential for full on rain and some rain was there for the first couple of days of our adventure, but this didn’t end up happening. There was no way of knowing for sure what weather we’d have for our hiking, as it changes moment to moment, but we were prepared for anything and in the end it was absolutely perfect! Faery powers activate!
We were in the GC 3/11 – 3/14.
I found it interesting that during this whole trip there were some cool alignments and celebrations happening that really made it all even more impactful and synchronously symbolic.
While in Tucson on the 9th I celebrated the anniversary of officially adopting Cosmo in 2015 (although he came home to us in January of that year). That day I also found a small sparkly quartz stone that was shaped like a rabbit’s ear, mirroring his lovely ones that were always illuminated in energy. I also saw several cottontails that greeted me each day. And coyote medicine made an appearance as well.
While in the Grand Canyon I celebrated my 17 year anniversary of my legal name change to Tania Marie, which was on the 12th (our second day of trekking and arrival to the Colorado River. On this day I’d felt renewed, especially after the previous night’s experience I’ll share later. This felt very potent not only sharing my birthday with the GC, but now having my true birthing into who I am taking place while within her womb.
There was also the time change on 3/11 – the day we hit the GC trail – that didn’t affect us in Arizona since they don’t change time, but was universally a leap ahead an hour, mirroring my leap into this adventure.
We road-tripped it to Las Vegas 3/15 – 3/17 and then returned home to Lake Tahoe on St. Patrick’s Day which also happened to be a New Moon in Pisces – my sign – and again feeling like a rebirthing that indeed took place. We ended up arriving home to several feet of fresh snow from another snow storm, giving us the most snow we’ve had all season. This mirroring the purity of energy in the snow storm we got to enjoy as a send-off to our trip, now greeting us upon return and creating a fresh start.
Perfect timing with Spring Equinox today, adding to the spark of new and renewal.
That’s a brief overview of timing and alignments, and now onto more of the GC.
Rewind to several months ago when KC – aka Bean and Clint – aka Happy – were visiting in Lake Tahoe for the Summer. You likely remember that I’d fractured my right foot on September 10th of last year, during an epic 13 mile hike to Star Lake. It took 2 months to heal with some integration back, so in November I was slowly starting to get out hiking again to strengthen that foot. It was also right before they left back to Arizona that they put out the idea of our doing a trek with them in the Grand Canyon, so that they could share their favorite place, besides Lake Tahoe, with us and our other two Tahoe friends, Sharon and Paul.
I was the first to say an immediate “yes” to it and I held strong to that conviction the last 3 and a half months or so, which materialized now. Dave wasn’t sure if he’d be able to with work and wasn’t able to get excited because he had a lot going on at the time to think about it, but I kept intending and Dave ended up being able to and got just as much on board. I spent the last few months prepping my feet for what I knew would be the most demanding of hikes I’ve done, and even though I also had a deep cut to the back of my ankle that took place in early February that was still healing, I knew I’d not be deterred and continued saying “yes.”
I know many were concerned for me, my feet, and thought there’d be a “story” from this adventure too, since I tend to be more fishy as a Pisces (with fins rather than feet) and can have some strong symbolism manifest in my feet that align with big shifts in my life, but I’m happy to report none of that took place and in fact, my shifting into my Capricorn North Node – or Cappy as I like to call it – seems to be boldly in effect.
It also was no coincidence that our sweet friends and GC experts (who have been hiking there nearly 15 years) are a Capricorn and Cancer, respectively. This merging beautifully with my Capricorn North Node, Rising and Mars, as well as my Cancer South Node, and with Dave’s Cancer North Node, Rising, and Capricorn South Node. We were like puzzle pieces to each other and further even, as I later discovered more astrological links between us in researching their charts with my brother for them.
And I have to say that the earthing done in such a power place as the GC, with so much linked “history” and resonance with my higher self, as well as rich in layers of Cappy energy, was healing and integrating in ways that created leaps within.
It seems that all the times as a child and the couple of visits in recent few years to the rim of the GC were prepping me for this full immersion that divinely aligned with knowing Bean and Happy, which although we’ve been friends on Facebook for 5-6 years, only manifested in the flesh this last summer. I couldn’t imagine going into the Grand Canyon with anyone else, as not only are they such seers and feelers of her mystery and beauty, but are back packing experts and incredible trail guides, which was exactly what this Pisces with Cappy North Node in training needed!
That leads us into a little overview of the rim-to-river-and-back trekking we did before further explorations for all you technical peeps and to add some perspective to the overall experience and challenge. I may not get all the terms down properly, as I’m going off memory, but I’m sure Bean can chime in in the comments, if I have something off.
We started at about 6800 elevation, which was at the rim, and descended to about 2200 elevation, which was the Colorado River’s base. However, with the ascending and descending that takes place throughout, we did about 5000 total elevation gain with our hiking (the most previously to date I’d done was 3300 in Montana without a backpack). The guys totaled 30 miles and us faeries totaled 32 miles, as we did a lot of little mini expeditions into faery lands and to treasure hunt.
This doesn’t sound like much over the course of 4 days, however, backpacking increases the intensity and challenge of regular hiking about 2-3 times. We likened it to snow shoeing and how that also increases the time and intensity of hiking at about the same level.
I carried about 25+ pounds on my back and Dave had about 35+ pounds.
There are different types of trails as well….we went down a threshold trail and connected to a primitive trail. The more raw the trail, the more technical and less traveled.
There are apparently 4 levels or classes of hiking with 4 being the most challenging on the scale. We were doing Class 3 hiking. So we kicked off my very first experience of all of this with a bang! Bean and Happy said they had confidence in us that we could handle it given our hiking and activity level we do consistently and the elevation we live at, otherwise they’d never take us on such a trek. I’m proud to say we rose to the occasion!
In our trails we had sections of what they call Black Diamond, which is like the ski runs with that being the hardest of any. And also were on some Double Diamond sections, which involves climbing with hands and legs, where you either hand off your trekking poles or bracelet them around one wrist while you climb up rocks in canyons.
I had no idea what to expect, but as I mentioned, I just said, “yes” to it all, despite likely my greatest fear being heights (specifically being on an edge, but not flying or paragliding). Likely because of my Pisces fish feet that hadn’t fully merged into their Cappy mountain goat hooves – yet.
As I said, this was my very first time doing any of this, as my camping experience is limited to a couple childhood times, but I’ve never done the full-on back packing, camping and trekking like this, despite all of my hiking.
So, this being the first was really a huge leap….as not only did it not go in baby steps of introducing me, but took me pretty full-on in every way to fully immerse me in the most challenging of everything that would help me arise and conquer.
This wouldn’t have been possible at any other time in my life, as this is when I’ve been most in my “nature,” aligning me the most with Nature.
And given the Capricorn energy that’s been beckoning me further, I indeed needed that mountain goat courage and sure-footedness to navigate my new path in life. Hence, I called in the “Grand-est” adventure to help with that leap.
It seemed Mother Nature was also on our side in aiding this plight, as we had the most incredible weather you could ask for.
We started the hike with rain that only lasted about an hour, which made all the colors of the Canyon pop and created amazing fog and clouds that slowly revealed the mystery below us in divine increments, and then turned into perfect sunshine and shading throughout the rest of our days that was mild and comfortable.
Our first night was the coolest at about 40 and then warmed as we descended, but our days were high 60’s to 70 with gorgeous light, stunning clouds and sunsets, and even a mysterious wind for a portion of our last day’s ascent, blowing in change and moving seeds of time before we reunited with civilization above and into a new timeline – as indeed it feels a time leap and shift took place.
There are so many layers of experience including personal, group, and collective, involving integration, spirit retrieval, activation, renewal, anchoring, healing, strengthening, parting veils, and so much more! Rich and sacred indeed, which to me was even mirrored in my hair.
I normally have my hair down, but felt called to ask Bean to braid it for the journey to make things easier, but also to connect with my “roots” more and the Native vibe. The first two days I had two french braids woven into my hair, then a free flowing “down” hair vibe at the river in between the last two days of one inverted french braid to round things out. Not only is braiding a very sacred ritual that weaves in intention, but the symbolism of two braids – feeling like me riding the middle balancing duality like the Chariot in Tarot – and then the inverted one braid – as integrating and transmuting the two into a whole new and potentially parallel reality.
It was interesting to see the photos of my braids after, as I’ve never seen underneath my hair except for in front where I see both on top and under where my silvers are most evident. But in getting to see the inverted french braid photo, I was able to see how silvers are interwoven everywhere in my hair and that made me extra giddy. Most people wouldn’t necessarily be happy about that, but I was quite ecstatic to find them literally threaded throughout and that added another layer of ancient and new side-by-side. Much like just being in the Grand Canyon felt….taking me back ages, but from a new perspective of now. Old and new me coming together – that Trinity energy of Maiden, Mother, Crone spiraling in a vortex of One.
And speaking of vortexes, you better believe I experienced that here. The most profound being on our first night at one of three incredible campsites we enjoyed.
Our first day (which was greeted with a mule deer on our path just before we reached the trail head) was filled with new vistas around each corner and much to tantalize the senses. When we stopped for lunch at the creek, Bean and I went exploring down it a ways and came upon magickal waterfalls….a faery land indeed!
We hardly saw any people while trekking – no more than a handful or so, until the last day when we were on the home stretch. And that included completely private campsites we had all to ourselves and the spirits of the Canyon.
It was at the first site that those hidden Egyptian connections were firmly confirmed for me.
To begin, let me rewind to the jewelry I felt called to wear for this entire trip. I normally don’t wear jewelry hiking – or at least it’s seldom and rare – but I was called to wear 3 bracelets – sunstone, obsidian, and citrine – and one necklace with a very special pendant.
The pendant is a turquoise Horus that I got on one of my travels to Egypt. I immediately was told to wear it. All of these stones I felt would be supportive to my integrating and anchoring in Earthy and empowering energy for the trek, while protecting and infusing me with just what I needed. (In the above photo you see it hovering over Horus Temple and below hovering over Tower of Set. If you know their story, bringing them together was for balancing).
Little did I know that so many of the peaks and citadel formations of the Canyon are Egyptian named. One just so happened to be Horus Temple. 😉
On this first night Bean found us an incredible camping site that literally rocked my world.
We set up tents near the edge of the Canyon overlooking the Colorado River on both sides (each of us having a view of the river at both ends) with the Tower of Ra, Horus Temple, and Tower of Set behind and to the right of him all overlooking us! Osiris Temple was off in the background behind them. (There’s also Zoroaster Temple and Isis Temple – not sure if I’m missing others, but these are the Egyptian ones I became aware of on this journey).
It felt like no coincidence this would be our first night’s camping site, making it an initiating and activating experience for sure. The light of the setting Sun on Ra was incredible and the colors just painted themselves brilliantly, as we settled in.
Like all days and evenings, we enjoyed yummy vegan food and never felt deprived or without. We had bags of trail mixes, peanut butter pretzels, some of my fav dry roasted almonds, vegan jerky (bought and home made), my favorite Chocolate Peanut Butter and Chocolate Mint Clif Builder’s Protein Bars, and hearty Outdoor Herbivore breakfast and dinner meals of oatmeal with chunks of apple, quinoa, and seeds, raisins and cinnamon, Basil Walnut Penne with crushed basil and walnuts, and Cheddar “Mac” with sundried tomato and nutritional yeast. Our friends brought along their own mixes of meals we got to share and sample, along with fun vegan candies as treats now and then. We would carry all of our water and filter and make water along the way at creeks and the river.
This first day was our longest trek all at once of 11 miles. As mentioned, miles in the Canyon are not the same as miles on regular terrain, as there is more to take into consideration with the type of trail, technical maneuvering, caution of foot placement, elevations changes, climbing and descending on varying terrain, and of course carrying your heavy back pack and taking breaks for water and food to fuel along the way. So it can double or nearly triple your time, depending on your skill or experience level.
We set up camp, marveled at our views and the energy there, filled our tummies, enjoyed conversation awaiting the stars to appear, and settled in for our first night – the coldest of the nights since we were at around 4000-4500 elevation and quit exposed. Luckily we were all prepared with our layers and thermals and our sleeping bags that take 20 degree weather.
Anyway, this first night was the most interesting for me, as not only were my quads adjusting to the new ways of using their muscles in carrying a pack and climbing giant steps, but I had a hard time falling asleep for what seemed like an hour or more.
Because the mountain was moving.
I laid on the side of tent that was closest to the edge of the Canyon and nearest to the Tower of Ra. And when I say it was moving, I mean I literally was on edge because I could feel the non-solidity of a very solid mountain that was rolling toward Ra, Horus, and Set and that our tent was flowing off the mountain as if on a waterfall. But not down, as in falling into the Canyon, but down and off the edge into a magnetized glide toward these towering Guardians.
I was ready to get up and get outside the tent to actually see it, but being that it was cold out and I was mixed with excitement and nervousness, I stayed put. I resigned to the fact that the Horus pendant I was wearing, in fact was creating a grid between me and Horus Temple and the others, literally drawing me to them, or rather, soaring on his wings to return “home.” Or, perhaps it was acting as a key that opened a portal. I’d say it was both, but that’s just me.
I knew then these “conspiracy” theories, which I never thought of in that light anyway because I believed, were in fact reality. There was definitely a vortex here, definitely an Egyptian connection, and the mysteries of the ancients were opening themselves to me…welcoming me…or in fact, welcoming me back. Just as with my first trip to Egypt, where everyone I’d met on the streets would look me deeply in my eyes, as if to recognize me and kept saying “welcome back” and “welcome home,” as they handed gifts to me.
Egypt has always been one of, if not my most powerful connections in this lifetime to help open and unravel things for me. I felt at home in the Canyon and there was a sense of the familiar, as well as a lessened sense of my normal fear of heights – or perhaps it was an increased sense of my ability to power through it and access that technical focus and mind/heart connection that created ultra awareness and sensibility. Perhaps it was an added layer of my Egyptian spirit activation or a recall of doing this all before, in another time and space.
There was no denying what I knew in my heart and spirit…Egypt was here and SO much more, and I’d been here too, long, long ago.
The rest of that night continued interesting with dreams after dreams and awakening and sleeping on and off likely because of the potent energy surging through me and my body adjusting to all these new and old experiences merging at once. Like another soul retrieval and return to “origins” I’ve been speaking about, but I definitely felt the presence of divine and powerful beings around me.
And yet, I woke the next morning to a gorgeous sunrise and new day feeling refreshed and ready to go. Although there was definitely something new in the air.
We took in our surroundings over breakfast, thankful for this incredible site and the energy we got to experience here. Then prepped and made our way after a group shot.
This next day we had about 4 miles to go (if I’m remembering correctly) to our River destination.
I remember how this day I felt lighter and the backpack that I was learning my way around the previous day in terms of adjusting just right and finding my body balance, was no longer a thought. From here on, I did not really notice my backpack and came to feel it to be almost nurturing to have there…like a shell to a turtle.
In fact, I always call myself a turtle when I hike, as my usual hiking is to have a consistent turtle speed (allbeit, this is usually faster than the average person, is slower than most experienced people). This is how I maintain my energy levels without getting depleted, is a way I can enjoy my surroundings and check things out, and is also my preferred mode even more so now in order to strategize each move deliberately and thoughtfully to avoid “incidents.” I’m definitely the rabbit and tortoise dichotomy, incarnate. 😉
We reached a creek and followed a bed of rocks that led us to the Colorado River where we set up our next private campsite on the most beautiful beach all to ourselves.
The sand was silky between our well-traveled toes and here we quickly set up camp so that we could enjoy a full day and night.
We reached camp around the same time of 2-2:30 and here is where we washed clothes in the River and also enjoyed a very invigorating and cold, refreshing bath immersing in the flowing water where the rapids rolled by.
We always washed up every night with things we brought along, but this was our best bathing of the journey that left us fully renewed and revitalized.
Explorations were in store a bit, as we checked out the incredible Vishnu layer of black rocks here that are so smoothly carved they appear like fine sculptures with razor sharp edges in some places.
In some areas they are laced with white and blue glazed crystalline layers that are truly magnificent.
There were so many incredible stones, fossils, crystals, layers of the Canyon rock that we discovered along the way, including 100’s of heart-shaped rocks that lit up our path with love, as if placed by angels that were supporting us along the way. Some of the incredible pieces dated back 1.7 billion years, as in the case of the Zoroaster Granite of the Vishnu layers.
The fossils dating 2.6 billion years of shells, small sea creatures, worms, and salamander/lizard-like prehistoric beings. Amazing!
I also loved the Chert, which are these layers of “microcrystalline or cryptocrystalline sedimentary rock material composed of silicon dioxid” that comes in these gorgeous colors of electric blues, aquas, greens, purples, whites, and clear in between the red stone layers. Some looking like cosmic galaxies and others like pieces of colored glass in interesting shapes.
This was a day of fun, relaxing, and games, as we took in the rays of the sun kissing our skin with tans and blushing glows and I literally let my hair down.
We played Hanged Man on the dunes (where Oompa Loompa – my phrase stole the winning words), played Rock/Paper/Scissors to see who would do the dishes (Dave lost), explored the rocks, watched the rapids and a few rafters and kayakers come down them, Dave did his yoga stretches, Clint made us fresh water with his filter, we created our group “cover photo,” and then relaxed with our warm, hearty meals on the dunes until the stars came out.
We then were dazzled by the incredible clarity we could see, watched interesting moving objects (some I knew were of another origin), and even got out my Sky Map app on my phone to check out where everything was located.
Speaking of phones….my new one is incredible. I didn’t take my regular camera because I didn’t want to lug something heavier. So I opted for my cell phone to capture moments, of which most of the photos you see here are from, minus some that Bean took with her camera. I put it in airplane mode for the trip, but kept it on all day to take photos of the journey, only shutting it down at dinner time until the next morning. It lasted the whole 4 days, and actually I had about 38% battery still remaining when we returned. So I’m pretty impressed with the battery. I have an Android G5S Plus.
Anyway, I digress.
We all had a great night sleeping at the River. How incredible to hear the rapids right outside our tent all night and then we even got a random, surprise rain in the middle of the night for about an hour or so, which added to the lovely sounds that lulled me to sleep. I slept well and dreamed well. Oh did I dream so much on this trip!
The next morning we woke with the confirmed decision that instead of remaining at the River for another full day and night, as we originally planned, that we would instead make our way back slowly so as to break up the last day’s ascent and get in another different campsite. We left after lunch, just before noon, enjoying a relaxed morning where Bean and I explored the Vishnu layers of incredible and potent stones and crystals amidst the pools of Colorado magick. We were sad to leave here and held in our hearts the memories.
Then we headed off to do our first 4-5 mile return. Doesn’t sound like much, but again it’s quite different in Canyon miles with backpacks in the mix.
This is where we encountered some of the more challenging parts to the hike with ascending and climbing and some more exposed edges to test my fears. We’d had 2 or 3 along the way down, but the way back would present more. Our entire trip was one big loop, which is something we decided upon, as a group at onset. We could either do a down and back the same way, or this big loop. We opted for the loop and the extra challenges of the trail, as it just felt right and didn’t seem like if we’re going to do something, not to get the fullest experience possible out of it. At least that’s my take on things….all in or not.
Here is where I began to really utilize my mental skills even more. I’ve always said and continue to feel that this kind of stuff isn’t a physical thing, but a mental one. And the heart comes into play into that, hand-in-hand, as your heart needs to be in it as well. When heart and mind come together, then anything is possible, despite physical challenges you may think you have.
And this was my take on this, which is why having never done it, felt I could and I did.
To be honest, although my quad muscles worked through soreness at night when I was still and slept (mostly the first 2 nights), I never felt them during the day while moving and the same went for anything else. Yes, I breathed hard through it all, but breath is important. And yes, it took continued effort, but that was my mind pushing me. I didn’t feel any discomfort in the process, only effort in mentally staying alert and pushing on.
The only physical things were my constantly running nose, which always happens whenever I do any kind of hiking – easy or hard – in any weather and any altitude (my body’s cleansing I believe), and the breathing. I was the master nose blower, and had my own hankie just for it. Boy, must I have moved energy through that beak! LOL!
But the instant I would stop, I immediately went back to normal and felt fine.
This truly marveled me, as I wondered how it would feel and if I’d be completely wiped after each push. But instead, it was like my body balanced out and then prepared for the next gusto. Incredible! I also immediately noted how each day I grew stronger and stronger. The first day having been most challenging to heave myself up the very big reaches my legs needed to lift me up and needing an extra push from behind now and then, and then the next day and the next, getting through it more on my own with only an occasional boost if I was at an edge and needing to make a big leap up so as to ensure my balance and safety. I’m not going to lie and say this was easy, as I definitely think you shouldn’t tackle something like this if you aren’t prepared in whatever fashion that means for you…physical training, mental training, or simply getting yourself in overall well-being shape. However, it was extraordinary to me that it wasn’t as hard as I imagined it could be. You see, although I do a lot of hiking, I’m not one to really enjoy the uphill parts of hiking. I do it, but I find it less fun. 🙂
But I’d have to say that the challenge and technicality of this uphill stuff in the Canyon really helped me rise to the occasion and tap into interesting parts of myself….my Cappy.
The technicality and the prospect of falling with the wrong move, really kept me alert and everything interesting. It’s hard to explain, but definitely it had to be all of my Capricorn energy lighting up and saying “finally! here you go accessing your placements and now we can show you what you’ve had inside of you all along to utilize!” Amazing!
And the comradery of our very encouraging, nurturing, supportive, and positive group made all the difference too. There was no rush and yet we moved right through it. There was only LOVE. And having those voices and energies of confidence and encouragement with me, really helped me dig deeper and bring out the best to match theirs. GOOD STUFF!
And this got me to campsite 3 and our last night in the Canyon.
This was another beautiful vista place that offered us a wonderful sunrise in the morning with the Moon. It is also where all of the lovely colorful Chert was.
AND this is where my inner goat interfaced with the Desert Bighorn Sheep.
Until then we hadn’t seen these although they and many other animals are around in the Canyon. We heard screeching Hawks (yay! one of my spirit guides and connected with Horus), saw Condors off in the distance, Raven greeted us by the River (I found a large feather there too, of which I’m not sure to which big bird it belongs yet), heard and saw lots of other smaller Birds, Lizards, a Tarantula, smelled Mountain Lion pee several times and the smell of Ungulates strongly at certain points (Mule Deer and Bighorn Sheep), AND the night at the river, Bean and I saw a ring-tailed cat (which was quite the gift!)
She and I had gone down to the river to pee before bed (hehe) and up above us she saw two eyes glowing. She mentioned it to me and I looked up and the ring-tailed cat emerged coming down closer instead of running off and hiding. This enabled us to catch glimpse of it fully and that long, cool ringed-tail. You can Google them to see what they look like. Really cute!
But back to my inner goat and the Bighorn Sheep. That last night while everyone was asleep, I woke up with the sense of something and then I heard footsteps outside. I knew it wasn’t Bean and Happy because they usually have their head lamps on if they get out, plus these foot steps were multiple and ongoing. First right to the left of our tent. Then to the back of our tent. Then in front and heading down the plateau and mountain. Then back to beside us. It would go fully quiet and then it started all over. I wanted so much to open the tent and peer out at them, but I was afraid I’d scare them off and so I sat there listening to the footsteps and breaths.
I knew in my heart they were the Bighorn. It gave me chills as I sat up in the darkness and listened and tried to connect. I felt so much that they had come to infuse me with their energy and prep me for the last day of those hardest miles we had left ahead. I knew this was no coincidence, but a divine encounter. One, best left in the mysterious abyss of the night where knowing was more powerful than proof.
And yet, proof is what I got the next morning that I wasn’t in fact making it up, as I found hoof prints around our tent and around the campsite and when I asked Bean and Happy if they heard anything, they concurred. Dave had been fast asleep. I hadn’t dare woken him, as he’d been getting the best sleep of his life the last three nights. Nature does a body good!
This was also the night Astrid came into my dreams 3 times. I’d definitely been amping up the communicating and connecting with her over our time away, but this was the first deliberate time she came into dream time. I knew she was connecting with me and through the dream symbolism, I pieced together that she was experiencing what I was and that she was taking on things along with me, sharing that she and I are one and she was with me all the way. It made me feel good that our bond was so strong and her letting me know there wasn’t anything she wasn’t aware of was enlightening as to her blossoming gifts she is sharing. The dream also indicated that she missed me a lot and then there was another part I’m still trying to decipher as to its symbolism or literal meaning. My sense is it in part indicated that she had two rabbit spirits that were with her providing her companionship while I was away. Yet, there is another level to it as well.
Anyway, I was grateful for the Bighorn, as I know this assisted with my fear of heights. All in all, I was really proud of myself and surprised myself with how well I did with this on the entire journey. I had my moments where the adrenaline rushed, my mental faculties were on all-time high to stay focused, and I had a second of scare-pause, but I moved right through it in a much easier and quicker way than I ever have in the past.
Quite a feat for me given I had a heavy pack and was climbing at times, as well as on some very exposed and slanted edges that really didn’t seem much like a trail. LOL! But I remained collected and mentally engaged, which if anything would have been more draining than the physical involved. I did the same process I do with skiing where I only focus on what’s in front of me and don’t take in all of the rest to distract. If I got to a drop off, I never looked down, just forward and focused on what to do to stay balanced and grounded.
Bean wanted to ensure I’d take in the views, so she’d point them out. I would only look when I had both feet planted firmly and my body positioned comfortably and anchored. I didn’t want anything throwing me off, nor did I get ahead of myself, speed up and take anything for granted, nor get cocky about what I’d accomplished. Every step was new and fresh and taken with the same presence as the last. I even invited any continued suggestions and guidance along the way in how to approach difficult areas, as this kind of engagement of the brain helped keep me fully embodied. Bean didn’t want to over-mother me, but I said to keep the dialogue going because it worked well. At the same time it seemed a good fit for her too, since she could practice her trail leading for the future. She and Happy are great guides! If you’re ever so lucky to have them, you will be blessed.
This got me through it. And it wasn’t all the time that I was faced with challenge, as it got easier and easier. I just kept up with the process, as it needs to become second nature. I’m retraining myself into my nature. And that is like muscle memory. You need to keep doing it and not take it for granted just because it works once. With consistency, it will become normalcy.
And the last stretch of a little over a mile up to the rim took my mental focus to get out that last push. Usually when I’m in that kind of push, I go quiet. This is when I’m digging deep and I become the energizer bunny that keeps chugging along. So I got through the last hard haul up with consistent momentum bringing me to the top and feeling quite full-circle.
There wasn’t a sense of exhaustion. On the contrary, there was a sense of revitalization. There was both a joy in accomplishment, but a sadness at the ending of a beautiful, memorable, and epic experience.
It definitely took me to a new level of inner connection and embodiment. And returning was an odd sense of reluctance mixed with excitement. Reluctant to leave this wonderful place and experience, but excited to see what’s next because of it.
There was also a sense of being yet again in a different reality than everyone we returned to and that timeline jump shifting into a different gear.
A sense of suspension in the moment, not knowing if you want or need to move forward and happy to just be in that void space.
Two mule deer greeted us at the top of the canyon and on our drive to dinner there was a very large herd of Elk and like a hundred or more congregating Ravens, like I have never seen before, all together in one area. It was odd, ominous, but also super cool! Everything felt different. Had we’d entered some alternate reality we really wanted to keep moving into?
We did continue on though, enjoying our evening back with yummy food and rest before road tripping it to Las Vegas, where we would be flying home out of. There we indulged on vegan delicacies, danced to move the energy, laughed so hard, played, walked a lot, and integrated back into a world that was no longer familiar, but like a muscle memory, became easier to return to when infused with lightness of heart.
Thank you GC for helping me to merge the parts of myself needed for the path I’ve chosen right now, for anchoring in my Cappy energy, and supporting me in the best way possible to move through my fear of heights and learn new processes for conquering any mountain! Thank you also for opening the door to your mysteries and hidden treasures, of which I know I’ll discover more of in the future. It’s no wonder why Happy and Bean love you so! You truly are magnificent!
Upon returning home we saw another coyote in the fields before heading up the mountain and coyote tracks on our driveway. I’ve already settled in, but find my surroundings both different and extra nurturing. I immediately heard my closet call for a Spring cleaning – perfect timing – and sang a cosmic lullaby to Astrid, as I held her close and she tranced into peaceful unity with me. I’ve been enjoying the expansion of a new book I started reading since onset of the trip (a new thing for me who hardly reads these days other than the book I wrote) and am extra charged to finish that book this month, also just in time for Spring.
I’ve reflected on how amazing it is to have such incredible friends and soul family with me at this time of my life. The kind most of my life I never knew the experience of and now am seeing that only that which is most resonant and reflective of my heart is what I am surrounded by. This to include my dear Astrid who has really shifted in mirror to mom, since my return home. Our connection is beyond beautiful. There’s so much to be grateful for and Dave and I talked about all of this upon return home, reviewing our lives now and all that is in them.
And Bean and Happy are definitely treasures more valuable than any crystal or discovery one can unearth. It was definitely bitter sweet to say farewell for now, after our incredible 8 days with them.
But for now, they go off to live out one of their dreams on their bucket list – working at the Grand Canyon for at least the season – and we return to the next leg of our paths to see where and when they will merge again.
To you two, THANK YOU! Thank you for sharing your love of the GC with us, sharing your time, and letting us see through your eyes. Thank you for making this next leap in my/our lives possible. I’d explore any canyon or mountain with you!
And mountains are what I foresee ahead. There will be many, but as my Bighorn Sheep/Cappy friends have assured me, I have everything I need within myself to do what ever I decide I want to. There’s no mountain too tall or too scary for T!
In the end, a new beginning was written and once again I find myself both filled with gratitude and also in wonder of what I will say “yes” to next.
(If you made it this far, thank you for coming along the adventure with me, as I integrate it all through sharing. As a writer my biggest problem isn’t writer’s block, but not being able to stop writing!
May the spirit within these images of the Grand Canyon lift you and reach depths that allow you to soar. Happy Spring Equinox and Renewal! Or as Astrid would say, Hoppy Spring!)
I won’t be blogging on my birthday, which is this Monday 2/26, so I thought I’d share some thoughts in a post, today, on this nine year anniversary of Joy’s arrival into my life – one of the greatest birthday gifts to date! Although age is meaningless to the eternal spirit, it IS interesting to reflect on all of the judgments and ideas we have around age, which also deters people from humanly acknowledging it, as well as determines life protocol for many to try to reverse it or even speed it up. Although, I’ve never taken issue to stating my age, I have been guilty of all of these things in my past.
In fact, rather than be afraid of or feel protective of my age to the degree of feeling it is no one’s business, I was quite the opposite, where I was adamant to share my age because I could feel the judgments of others upon me and my insecurity around that to blast through their ideas about me. In part, this was my own projection, but being an intuitive, it was largely in response to knowing what people were thinking, and wanting to nip that in the bud immediately.
I recall having meaningful conversations with people in my past and knowing by my outside appearance and things they alluded to, like asking what school I was going to (when in fact I was way past high school and college age) and the way they looked at me in a protectively patronizing way, that they weren’t taking me seriously. Coming from a past of “feeling the need to prove myself” anyway, this of course was my perfect experience called up to move through that.
But, at the time, it just made me want to blurt out how old I was because I knew the connotations attached to age that obviously I was buying into, too, as a sensitive and boundary-less Pisces. So, rather than hide my age, I wore it on my sleeve. And perhaps that might run deeper than simply this, as I also knew the ancient aspects of spirit and to come back again on Earth, starting all over, might even feel demeaning.
Although I know it is a gift and meaningful choice, now, there would definitely have been unconscious anger or resentment over incarnating – an experience locked deep in our DNA, I feel, as a whole, for many reasons.
And so, there I was fighting back with announcing my age, to appease my feelings that not only in fact what I had to say was meaningful and important, but my incarnating here had purpose I was trying to remind myself with this declaration.
I’m not sure if I’m conveying this in the depth of potency it has, but in realizing and understanding this, it made a huge shift and got more parts of myself aligned and on board, rather than having an internal fight against myself, which only adds to the depletion of self love and creates more fragmenting and less empowerment.
The greatest battle and ongoing war, is truly the one within and I believe it stems from so much subconscious anger at our humanness.
And this made sense, as I always felt more inhuman and thus laid ahead a journey of merging and a return to natural harmony.
Then there was the young me wishing I was older and wanting to race through the years as fast as I could because I not only knew my younger years would be the hardest, but I also soulfully knew it wasn’t until later, in my mid-forties, that I would find my peace and really start “living.” A cruel form of intuitive vision when you know you STILL have to go through the years to get there. Yet, I wanted to escape, as much as I knew I couldn’t.
And still yet, there was the me who bought into these ideas of physically reversing age. Mind you, not in any fanatical way, but I was aware of ways in which one could “look” their best and all of those catch phrases even in the spiritual community that are about longevity, reversing the clock, ways one “should” look or how life should look if you are “ascending,” and what you “should” be able to do and accomplish if you are in fact turning back the sands of time.
I still marvel at this messaging and collective-buy-into, today, and although I understand aging is not a spiritual attribute, we are still on a three dimensional planet, we do still have individual journeys that are not measured by a certain amount of time we need to be here, and we are still judging what something looks like and associating it with living a life that’s “less than” if in fact it doesn’t fit into what collectively we see as “ideal” and “vibrant”. Just another form of self-abuse masked as spiritual enlightenment.
Are there things you can do to reverse physical appearance? Sure, but if in fact you are healthy, happy, and aligned in your expression of you, why then does that matter here on Earth?
If I want to have silver hair or wrinkles, why does that automatically mean I’m deficient? Or that there’s something wrong? I am still part human, and that part isn’t necessarily what I’ve chosen to walk in forever. Perhaps these indicate my true eternal quality? Why is there only one way to characterize this or see it?
There isn’t just one way, and I feel that the faster we open ourselves to multiple perspectives and possibilities, the faster we will free ourselves into a more grace-filled way of being and come into our multi-dimensionality.
Why do I bring this up?
Well, for one, I feel that vulnerability and transparency are powerful and key things to bring forth into our lives in greater frequency right now. Something I just shared yesterday on my Facebook feed with these reflections:
Everything points to going deeper into our hearts and connecting through them, with these as the guiding forces. The more we nurture these within, the more we encounter empowered embodiment, authentic experiences, connections, clarity, and alignment in our manifestations. And, the less we encounter triggers, hidden surprises, and forced change or reaction to what is revealed in the collective environment.
I feel that being vulnerable and transparent isn’t so much about allowing everything to bombard us as it pleases, but involves also a healthy balance of knowing and exercising our boundaries. This isn’t about hiding or repressing ourselves, however, but about knowing how to say “no” and not allowing certain frequencies to shift our own. Being openly expressive is not draining in this vein, but empowering and helps increase vitality. What is draining is when we fight our true expression or are having to deal with unwanted energies. Vulnerability and transparency is being willing to share the truth in our hearts and this helps others not to be afraid to do the same too. Fear around this is draining our energy, as we use so much of it to hide, worry, or create walls, which inhibit our gifts to shine through.
We can all shine, regardless of age, physical appearance, the list of accomplishments you have, or the things you own in your life.
The way I’ve discovered doing this is to live life out loud and to “create life as a work of art” – my motto.
I share the photo above, as it is the most recent photo of me (a week old) that reflects a much more peaceful, harmonious, grounded, embodied, softer, more secure, gently joyful, balanced, and creatively passionate me.
Vibrant bursts of color reflect my soul song frequency and inspire creativity to bubble through. Perhaps it’s the artist me or perhaps I’m simply inspired by Nature and how she exudes life force in every shade of beauty possible. Her blossoming myriad of expressions sing of love.
She is a woman of my heart and the only example I take to heart of how to live in the grace of being.
I love that now I have no emotional trigger or any tiny weirdness around my human expression and emanation of my spirit.
I will still always have resonance to otherworlds, but no longer need to prove that, nor anything else about my being here the way I choose to show up, as once my younger Earthly self felt she needed to do.
Merging embrace of my multi-dimensional self allows me the ability to enjoy each different aspect for what ever they are and however I am choosing to express them, without attachment.
They are ALL me and as the artist me, and using the power of creative love through me, I know their intrinsic beauty and value in the spiral of consciousness.
I now walk this reality as alive as ever, because it is my canvas to create in the reflection of my essence and my playground for exploration and total freedom of how I want to share that in any given moment.
Although chronological age is not important, the numerology factor is still interesting and revealing to explore.
45 is a combination of the energy of 4, 5 and their combined total of 9.
4 builds solidity and stability, foundations for self and others, draws forth passion and drive together for achieving success (whatever that means to you), and 5 adds personal freedom, adventure, creativity, courage to explore unknowns, letting imagination go free, versatility, major life shifts through lessons learned, while 9 brings things full circle, adds patience, intuition, soul mission, inner strength, sense of personal responsibility, humanitarianism, global focus, living and leading by example, and spiritual enlightenment.
These feel to be the energies I’m integrating at this time of my life and the foundations of where I am and where I’m headed.
I read that 45, numerologically, has a focus on putting your efforts and energy towards the things in your life that enhance and fully embody who you truly are – from the smallest of things to the largest of things – what we surround ourselves with, what we wear even, the things we focus on and are working on bringing into the world, and our lifestyle choices and overall life in general. It’s also about really putting things into full-embodied action so results manifest, keeping focused, and integrating a more pragmatic way to be a guiding force.
I’m also going to be igniting a 12/3 year come my birthday and this speaks to the creative rebirth taking place for me, an inner calling surfaced, release from all karmic ties, and everything coming together in my life story as I reach a significant stage on my journey.
So, while I may have been wanting to fast forward things in my younger years, I can understand why that visionary part of me was looking forward to now, as this truly is the most full-circle time of my time here on Earth – this life and aspect of my multi-dimensional self – and the most peace-filled.
There is peace no matter what today or tomorrow brings, as there is peace right here and now in my heart.
My new thing in recent years has been to gift myself birthday gifts to not only celebrate the new energy with supportive things that light up my heart, but to celebrate all that I’ve gone through to be here.
This year seemed to start a few months early, as truly wonderful birthday gifts were received from friends, loved ones, and family far before now, and some incredible surprises along the way that truly touched my heart.
So many of them were rabbit-focused and went along with the theme of my Wonderland office, with Alice in Wonderland fun.
My favorite gifts-to-self include the colorful, handmade shawl you see me wearing in the photo, two necklaces (including an incredibly magickal rabbit and a powerful “origins” and DNA activator), another gorgeous Faery book (I gifted myself one last year too), a custom made pen (for the writer me), a custom made wand (for the ancient me), and a “crown” chakra headpiece I’ve had intention of for years, but took until now to draw in the perfect one. Seems appropriate.
I don’t have any particular plans this year on my birthday, so we’ll see what intuitively and organically shows up, but we will be embarking on a super fun adventure March 7th – 17th, which feels to be my birthday journey of origins and more.
We’ll be heading to Arizona, first spending 3 days with Dave’s family in Tucson and then heading up to the Grand Canyon to meet up with our sweet friends you’ve heard me mention in past Summer posts – KC, aka Bean, and Clint, aka Happy. My Faery and Elf friends who returned my two giant quartz to their momma after my foot fracture and who took me on a Cirrus G6 private flight over Lake Tahoe.
From there, we head into the GC for an epic trekking and camping adventure, to introduce the energy and magick of this realm to us. Well, more me, because Dave has been inside of the GC before, but I haven’t. I’ve only explored the rim. Nor have I ever done this kind of trek, as I only camped a tiny bit when I was a little girl. Our adventures have been limited, but oh-so not limiting, to the Magick Bus RV living.
But come March, Bean and Happy (who will be working in the GC starting a week after our adventure, are GC experts, and love her inside and out) will be sharing her with us through their eyes, as we venture into her mysteries for several days. This will be an intro only, as we couldn’t do a super long trek this go-around, so more will definitely have to come once we sink our feet into the Earth here.
The reason I said this will be a journey of origins and more has to do with the ancient Earth here and the energy, which I know will be activating for me and synchronizes with my origins theme, because apparently there are hidden Egyptian temples that predate Egypt by 7000 years tucked safely away in the canyon walls for only certain eyes to see (this info coming to me all at once from several sources). Regardless of actually seeing them, the energy will be there and this connects more dots with why I felt so compelled to go on this trip, why it fell into place so seamlessly (including super challenging permits they were able to get for us for it), and ties into that Africa energy (which I’ve had more interesting dots light up with other connections too, since those posts).
A “Grand” birthday/new year/kick off indeed!
However, the greatest gift is this storybook year for me, and that my book’s completion and manifestation is close at hand and along with writing it, I’m writing a new reality into being from my heart.
I’m so grateful for every chapter of this story of life and that you have all been willing to colorfully show up and play in it with me, through the fun and challenge, and through the mystery and adventure of it all.
It’s been a while since I posted a bunch of crystal fun, but since I know many of my friends and readers share a love for them, I thought I’d do so. These happen to go along with the theme I wrote about in my blog, Giraffes, Africa, Origins & Our Animal Sanctuary that touches on origins and how so much keeps coming up Africa again for me. These crystals hold very unique and in some cases, contrasting energy, although all come from Africa. I also had a fun discovery about one of my newest succulent plant friend additions to the large succulent family here. You’ll see what I mean below.
Needless to say, the Africa theme continues with some interesting twists still unfolding, as well as origins “cracking” wide open and coming full circle. More on that below too.
It was fun to hear how this theme is showing up for others too, including faery Laura, who shared about her own journey today in her blog, Reclaiming Roots and a Writing Update. In her post she speaks to how “roots” seems to be her 2018 word and her personal journey of this taking her on a Celtic journey through Welsh lessons – a journey helping “root” out things in many key areas of her life. Her blog post is a fun exploration of this and how these roots and origins are running deep for many. She includes a tie-in of discovery that linked to my own journey.
Okay, so before I get into crystal and succulent fun, something synchronous that took place last night, right before heading to bed, included a very special fossil and crystal piece I have. I shared this on Laura’s blog as a comment, but will include more detail here.
I mentioned to her, “speaking of roots,” this incredible and rare power piece I have, which is a very substantial and potent wand or smaller scepter, that found me back in 2008 while living at the north end of Lake Tahoe, got my attention.
The “wand” part is actually a rare, fully intact coral fossil from the Paleozoic Era/Devonian period (approx. 400 million years old). The shape of this extremely rare fossil indicates that it stood upright on the ocean floor and was inhabited by an animal with tentacles pointing upward.
It’s wild looking, like a horn, huge claw, or mega fossilized root. It is wrapped in copper wire with an incredible Arkansas quartz crystal at top – bringing together elements of earth, air, fire, and water. Along the front there are nine sharks teeth from the Miocene Era (approx. 25 million years old), which are said to protect against evil and poisoning. There is also an ammonite at center (approx. 400,000,000 years old) too. Fossils have a strong life force preserved in them and they can be upliftin and promote bonding with the animal kingdom.
Anyway, last night I went into my office, as I always do to say goodnight to Astrid, and I found this power piece on the floor. It sits center/front of the altar table at center of my room with all of sound instruments and some other crystals. A place Astrid loves to lay under every day, especially alongside the golden mother quartz on the ground.
I can only imagine that Astrid brought it down off the table. It happens to sit between another incredible pink quartz I found with the golden mother quartz. These were the two, you might remember, that I carried down the day of my foot fracture, later being returned to me by my friends. An incident that supported my completing the story of my new book – more origins involved here, symbolically.
Well at the right of this wand sits three crystals from Africa. My guess is that when it fell, it struck the giant mother quartz just below it, as there would be no other reason for it cracking, if it had just hit the carpet.
Interestingly, it wasn’t a crazy blow, as the only thing that happened is the bottom third of it, where the point of the tentacle is, cracked or separated from the other two thirds. However, you couldn’t tell visually because it is so well bound with copper wiring, at five different points – one of which is exactly where this separated. The copper wiring held it in place, but it was evident a full separation had happened here when I examined it further.
I don’t get upset about such things, as I feel these incidents have purpose and meaning, and I KNOW Astrid doesn’t do anything by accident.
She hasn’t touched anything on the table since we live here, so this was definitely not random, nor an easy feat being that it is quite a very heavy and dense piece.
It is very connected to Atlantis and my time there, but there are several other connections I can make and as Laura pointed out, “Celts and the Egyptians have much to do with Atlantis.” – both connections of our roots and origins.
But one thing that became strongly evident, brought me back to Africa.
I started getting a sense that this fossil had origins from that area of the Earth and upon further investigation with my pendulum, it resounded with huge, crazy circling yes’s in affirmation.
As Laura also said, “I wonder what Astrid unlocked.”
Indeed, I imagine I’ll find out more, as the journey spirals onward.
For one, it brought to my attention, this piece is integral things and it wasn’t random, either, that I’d place it center of everything in my room.
There are keys awaiting to be used.
And more of this will likely come now BECAUSE of these new African crystals that have joined the collective here.
Bringing them together feels like a journey in the making that has aligned for now.
So that brings me to sharing their photos and some about their energy.
The first two being Spirit Quartz, or Faery Quartz, as their known alongside sometimes also being called Cactus Quartz. They come from the Boekenhouthoek area, Mkobola, Nkangala District, Mpumalanga Province, South Africa.
They sparkle like crazy and really vibrate with harmony and radiating high frequencies.
These South African sweeties infuse a very nurturing and renewing energy into my sacred space, promoting hope, wholeness, clarity, and collective synergy.
Light body activation mixed with love and peace.
There’s a gentle grace pervading and it feels soft and freeing.
Pictured in the photos are a large Ametrine (Amethyst and Citrine) Spirit Quartz plate and rare occurrence of peach and white Spirit Quartz cluster that sits on a Boekenhout Jasper matrix.
Apparently, “the combination of Spirit Quartz and Boekenhout Jasper is a part of what’s known as the “Grand Formation” in the world of crystals.”
Sitting in a triad with them is this special little African stalactite that called to me. I don’t know the area it comes from, but just that it’s from Africa.
I love the stalactite essence – miracles of Terra. They seem to speak of raising one’s energy, deep inner growth that shifts the outer, and amplifying spiritual expansion, while connecting with the inner womb of creation from within Mother Earth.
Then we have this stunning Tigers Eye Egg that sits on my shelf alongside three other eggs I have of Lapis Lazuli, Sunstone, and Rainbow Moonstone.
This Tigers Eye Egg is really unique and rare – the largest of my eggs in fact. It holds incredible power and shimmers with both Blue Tigers Eye and Gold Tigers Eye chatoyancy. Each brings together their own metaphysical properties and energies into an alchemical blend.
Yes, you guessed it…This egg originates from South Africa and is a powerful third eye, throat chakra, solar plexus and root chakra stone that supports aligning with all six psychic senses. Wonderful for self confidence and encouraging one to stand in their own power.
Blue Tiger’s Eye is also known as Hawk’s or Falcon’s Eye, which also is SO connected for me, as I have a deep connection with Horus, the Hawk/Falcon God of Egypt. I happen to have a one-of-a-kind stone statue of him that I brought back from my first trip in Egypt, that sits atop my book shelf.
The blue adds calming energy and helps one connect with guides, helpers, and cosmic forces, while also bringing one into alignment with their highest gifts and life purpose. It draws in far-seeing vision to assist one in seeing their life from all angles, to uncover the truth, and read situations with hawk’s eye clarity.
The gold supports a life lived with courage and experiencing enjoyment and celebration of it. This aligns with experiencing abundance, as well as provides encouragement and hope. It’s wonderful for new beginnings and growth too, while remaining focused and grounded as you work towards goals and dreams.
Crystal Eggs represent rebirth, fertility, and new beginnings.
This leads us to the last of this African grouping – a gorgeous rare Black Ammonite Pair that originates from the magical island of Madagascar, one of the most energy-filled centers on the planet. These hold very ancient, healing energy, and deep/root/origin wisdom.
You can feel how different these are from the others. I’ve never seen such a large pair and I love the dark connecting with the hidden and shadowy recesses, but also the sparkly inner realm of it that shares light is inherent in it all.
These fossils are between 135-395 million years old and bring the energy of Ammonite – activators of our metaphysical gifts and inter-dimensional exploration. When placed on the third eye chakra, Ammonite reveals the soul’s path, which is encoded within it. It is also useful to support rebirthing and is a powerful Karmic cleanser, helping one release mental obsessions and important past life issues.
Feng Shui masters call Ammonite the seven color prosperity stone because it’s believed not only to stimulate the flow of life force energy through the body, but to be exceedingly fortunate for abundance, vitality, health, and promoting beneficial business ventures.
This brings me lastly, to my fun succulent discovery.
I have a new writing partner (to add to my Peter Rabbit and two storykeeper bunnies) and rabbit guardian overseeing things here in my Wonderland office from the vantage point of my desk.
This bunny planter is solid cement and so beautifully crafted. I found the perfect succulents I wanted for him to be like cascading water from the cabbage basket that will continue growing longer and adding to the abundant flow of energy and harvest alongside the grapes.
All of these holding rich symbolism perfect to immerse in.
I may move the planter out on my deck in summer, but for now I love the wisdom and whimsy of my new friend next to me and the exotic pink and green string of hearts Ceropegia Woodii, the Sedum Red Carpet Crassula that will turn red with intense sun, the Echeveria Moonglow at center AND the rare Senecio Rowleyanus string of pearls native to Namibia, Africa. I didn’t realize this until after I planted it.
I adorned the planter with three butterflies and one dragonfly, some moss, and three little quartz points – one of which has a timelink to the future – to add to the Magick.
Such incredible energies and all just “happening,” by listen to guidance within.
This leads me to a synchronous morning-full-circle-discovery that ties in the fossil wand and symbolic origins.
I was looking for something in my office closet and pulled out a bag. I didn’t know what was in it, but it happened to have these crystal prism hangers I once hung in my first Tahoe rental I moved into on my own after my divorce – something I’d had intention of finding and putting up here in my office.
Incidentally, the bag also had a card in it. The only two things in there.
The card had a black and white photo of Lake Tahoe on the front by a photographer, dated 2010. I opened it to find it was an anniversary card from Dave, perhaps from 2010 – eight years ago.
But guess what was also inside of the card?
The certificate of authenticity for my power piece wand that cracked open last night, along with all of the information about the fossil, sharks’ teeth, ammonite, crystal, etc. – the only way I would have known the info I wrote up above.
Then the card itself was a chilling a-ha moment.
It has one line it, besides ending off with “I love you.”
It reads, “Someday soon hopefully we’ll back in the place we came from.”
He meant Lake Tahoe, as that is where we met and had moved away from, but how uncanny in terms of this theme of “origins.”
On one level, Tahoe is indeed a return to our origins, having everything we love and both feel most at home in.
On another, well…..it speaks to so much more.
A theme I’ve increasingly been experiencing is one of origins and a continued deepening into accessing those roots and remembrance. It’s much more than an integration process, but seems to be almost like opening a time capsule that is now aligned to access as keys to what was once behind closed doors. It’s been an ongoing journey, but things have been showing up more and lighting up an “intuitive treasure map,” as one sweet friend called it. It’s definitely more on an esoteric level so it’s hard to put into words, but that percolation is igniting subtle seeds of activation. There’s a lot of richness in the overall experience of it, although still is in blossoming mode.
One of these threads, for me personally, has been showing up through what is considered a cradle of civilization and humankind – Africa.
I’ve had things from here in the past come forward, but a resurgence is taking me there again on a different spiral of the journey and around every corner things point to there when I least expect it.
I know one of my dear friends is having a similar experience, which in fact was so strong it showed up in detail through a dream of mine I shared with her, unknowingly connecting to things I was not consciously aware of about her roots and past.
I’m wondering if others are experiencing this origin journey in their own ways too?
It feels to be much more than a recall, reliving, and integrating of “past lives,” but more of….hmmmm, how can I express it?
Like stepping fully into essence alignment, almost like you’ve been having an out-of-body experience all this time, but now are returning to body in a fully spirit-activated way with all the micro DNA bells and whistles lighting up and all of the macro Cosmic elements exploding.
Anyway, some of the fun ways this “origins” experience has been flowing around me has been interesting to observe.
I’ll just touch on a few of them.
I very rarely bring home crystals these days, in comparison to a time so many were flying into my life. I’d found some for Astrid and to align with my writing, but not anything else until just recently.
Five (there’s my number again) crystals called out to me from “random” places and in “random” ways, which I found out to later all have their origin in Africa.
Three from South Africa, one from the magickal island of Madagascar (one of the most energy-filled centers on the planet), and the other from an unknown region of Africa. All of them came to me in strangely interesting ways and without searching for them or even desiring to find them, consciously.
Yet, they found me.
I’m still waiting on four to arrive, but they feel pivotal to something anchoring, now that we’ve grounded here and made a sanctuary for ourselves.
And speaking of sanctuaries, not only has this home become the most nurturing and expansive in this way for us, but has symbolically become an animal sanctuary (in the words of Laura) in all of the highlighted elements that adorn it. Not to mention, the rabbit and two cats that inhabit it with us and all of the animals that visit from the forest.
99% of the artwork in the home either as paintings, statues, and decorative items are all animals – many of which are my own original artwork.
One of those pieces includes a tapestry my mom gifted us as a house warming present she worked day and night on to have done for when we moved into our home.
The back story on it is interesting, as this was a tapestry my mom’s mom (my grandmother) had started back in the 80’s in Paris. My mom discovered it in a drawer when she and my dad were cleaning up things, after she passed away. My mom recently rediscovered it and seeing the image on it, knew right away it was meant for us.
She completed more than half of it herself, making it a combined effort of both my mom and grandmother. It is a needle point work of art that’s almost 40 years old – nearly my age since I’ll be 45.
But what is REALLY synchronous is the image of the tapestry….as if my grandmother had foreseen our “now” home way back then.
If you look closely you’ll see a house or cabin-like home sitting in the forest with a creek and three deer and a light blanket of snow. The house has a long deck running the length of the back of the house facing the woods, just as ours does…and three windowed doors there, just as ours does. We also sit between two creeks and do have wildlife like deer, bear, coyote and more that run through here.
I’ll have to get a better picture at the same exact angle of the tapestry, but this gives you an idea. This photo was taken pre to our changing out that middle window to a sliding glass door like the two on either side of it.
It’s really uncanny to the point of chills, and so you can understand why my mom worked all-hours to give it to us. I just got it back from being framed, the day before the monks came for our house blessing, which also felt to be important. The large frame I believe is burlwood and it sits in the master bedroom as the scene seen from our bed.
Even this speaks to me of origins for myself and essence alignment, as well as the kind of vision I’ll share of the next thing symbolizing too.
And just two days ago, a very potent, pivotal, and important piece just anchored in this energy for our living room, with yet again another Africa connection. I had no idea it was coming, but poof!
Some back story….Dave and I have been drawn for the last year to this beautiful giraffe sculpture in a local gallery here. We often wondered about it and several months ago finally asked about the price, which was WAY out of our reach. But the energy REALLY spoke to us and we loved her so much. Something about her spoke to us and was before we even knew this house was going to manifest.
Fast forward to now….I’d not thought about her anymore, but then Dave surprised me two days ago with something even better.
A large box arrived and he told me to stay downstairs until he had it ready to show me. He draped it with a blanket and called me up to unveil it.
There before my eyes were two elegant brass giraffes.
He won them in an auction and now they would grace our home with, well, their own grace.
I love all animals, but until recently with that first sculpture we’d seen, hadn’t really thought about them reflecting something within me or us I’d want close as reminder.
With shifting energies, new paths opening, and these anchoring origins, something now aligned.
I was so excited when I saw them and they touch a special place in me each time I see them, like an activation.
I LOVE these giraffes (just look at the energy swirling around them in the light – they actually energetically remind me of the otherworldy, Cosmic deer we encountered in Glacier National Park, Montana with their elongated bodies and necks) and they now have center stage in our living room in front of one of the picture windows, even more so broadcasting to our Forest Portal animal friends, that this is a home of harmony and a welcome sanctuary for all of them.
I’d never really dove into their symbolism before, other than obvious things like their elegance and grace, but upon further investigation, it was like ding, ding, ding….the bells and whistles all went off. And with recent discussions, life changes, dreams I’m focused on manifesting, and what this new home symbolized opening for us, it definitely all made sense.
Not to mention, once again there was that Africa energy coming through, which has also been showing up in discussions with friends recently and things around travel. That’s separate to all of the connections I have had with both the Northern and Southern regions through past life discoveries and this life sacred journeys (two travels to Egypt, which were the most powerfully life-shifting for me).
Giraffes speak to being able to see the bigger picture, while staying confidently grounded. They symbolize the visionary seers and doers, but done with gracefulness in action. This includes the ability to see into the future to things that used to or might seem out of reach, but now point to where you are headed and that by stretching further into things outside of your normal vantage point or comfort zone, you can experience new opportunities and potentials. In fact, eloquent giraffe encourages reaching as far as you can because the unattainable is now attainable and possible.
Basically, giraffe says, “rise to the occasion” and that there’s no challenge insurmountable since giraffe summons up your most remarkable potentials, while also reminding you to rise above the chaos. That speaks to me to going for the biggest dream ever and that grace and balance are possible through any challenges you may face.
They also speak to me about merging Cosmos and Earth and bringing those aspects of ourselves in balance and synergy together.
That life here is about the integration of both, and as the intro to my first book, Spiritual Skin says:
“The physical becomes sacred.
The spiritual becomes tangible.
And together they exist simultaneously in harmony.”
There’s a lot more about them including their sense of intuitive perception and knowing, their markings representing the labyrinth of life being journeyed with that same dignity and grace, but also the powerful use of self-expression to walk your talk and use the most effective communication without waste or chaotic enmeshment, as they mostly communicate only through body and tail language rather than creating sounds.
All of this really speaks to me and what’s next in life for myself and us (1111 word count as I just wrote that), but also, in the most simple of ways, this sweet and graceful giraffe couple seem to be imbuing a more elegant quality to life’s journey and a higher frequency to be embodying and emanating from here on forth, and of course a reminding, daily marker to hold ourselves to these higher potentials when anything might flow through to potentially thwart that.
All being things that I feel speak to the collective, too, if we really want to make changes and create a New Earth experience together.