The moment you want to give up is when you need to dig as deep as you can to keep believing even more, as you’re so close to breaking through the veils and into the light of your heart.
It’s one of those time cycles where I feel a stronger pull to my cosmic origins, and needing to remind myself of balancing and grounding in order to fully be present in this current Earthly experience. And while feeling these pulls elsewhere, it’s no wonder I’ve also been sharing reverence for my beloved Russian Tortoise, Gaia, whom has been away on mission since the end of April.
She, along with my beautiful, physically departed Nestor, have been heavily on my mind. And I know that they are both cosmic pilgrims engaged in their soul essence journeys of the heart.
I know many of you have followed along with their stories, in particular Gaia’s of recent, and may remember she had for the first time hibernated for a short period this winter, returning auspiciously before the end of Winter, but right at the perfectly timed moment in my life. And then, not long after she had returned, she then disappeared again and has been gone since the end of April, now approaching 5 months and oddly during the dead of a very hot Summer here.
I haven’t recently had the sense she is returning, but if she in fact at some point still does, it will be her most surprising and magickal feat to date, which would bring a huge smile to my usually unsurprised self. In the meantime, I have been supporting her energetically in the work she had been called away to do, knowing she is always with me in heart.
But it hasn’t been until recently that I’ve felt the need to honor her more appropriately, especially if she has chosen to move beyond this Earthly realm like Nestor. That’s what it feels like in my heart, and perhaps her original idea of returning has shifted due to my own shifts.
Having gone through what will always be the most heart-wrenching experience of physically losing Nestor in the most dramatic/traumatic of ways at a very challenging soul leap time in my life that nearly took my own breath away, I have gone through the worst and so am able and prepared to handle physical loss, or anything for that matter, with an unconditionally, unattached love and deep honor. Perhaps Gaia chose this way, as mirror to the place I have arrived with this – with no need for closure to the eternal, nor need to physically see and experience that transition from life to afterlife. I am aware that transitions from one dimensional experience to another can be gently chosen, just as much as harshly chosen, depending on what we need to learn and what our attached beliefs are.
I’ve also found it interesting, since both Gaia and Nestor were always not really “all here” when they were, that as such expansively powerful, cosmic beings that they chose these tiny bodies to manifest as. And yet their power was evident, not only in the strength those little bodies physically exhibited, but in their presence and the magickal things they would do each day while with me.
I know part of the reason they came in those bodies, was so that we could be together as we were, and yet as much joy as they brought me in this life, it gives me greater joy to know that they are no longer confined by those bodies in any way and can be the freedom seekers of the Cosmos that they are. Afterall, they spent very little of their time in those bodies, even when they WERE with me, as they were constantly traveling and doing work inter-dimensionally. They remind me of myself and it’s no wonder we have been together across times.
Gaia was such a mentor for Joy and the two of them were best friends. Gaia also had the opportunity to connect with Chuck, while he was still alive, and was an avid companion of the ethereal Nestor (also a friend of Chuck’s).
I found it interesting that on my desk, where I have some of my crystals that support me daily, that the stone statues of Hematite (Nestor) and Rhodonite (Gaia) that I have carried with me on many of my global sacred journeys to have their energy symbolically and physically present where I was doing spiritual work, have always been next to each other on my desk. And the larger Serpentine stone statue of Joy, who is a bit more Earth-bound than they are, (although truly is the embodiment of a bridge between worlds, is a channeler and Crystal worker), is separate, yet connected by the large Cosmic Crystal between them.
And, both Nestor and Gaia are now physically gone, leaving Joy and I together here on this Earth plane.
Joy is my ever-faithful companion who alerts me to all energetic nuances and presides over our shared domain, as a guardian of the sacred. But over time, even Joy’s presence has shifted, as she used to physically take part in any workshops I taught from home, and now her presence although felt, is no longer there – choosing to remain in my office to support from afar.
Little by little with their support and teaching experiences through them, and as I have shifted into my own empowerment, accessing the connections and communications beyond space and time in a more tangible way, and have released attachments, they have all been able to move into different roles in my life and into their trueness.
The more these transcendent shifts anchor, the more I receive inklings of where my own soul direction is leading and the timeliness of that.
It’s all a beautiful journey and I’ve been reflecting on all of this, as thoughts and memories of Gaia have been flooding me recently. It’s brought some bitter sweet tears and yet joyous ones in celebration of her eternal expansiveness.
And I felt it time to make a memorial of sorts in her honor, regardless if she did in fact one day, out of the amazing blue, return. I want her to know how much I am eternally grateful for all that she is, and all that she has been and will continue to be in my life. Like all of these precious and astounding souls, she has taught me so much and she has saved my life more than once.
I have decided to keep her home outside where it has been, as a memorial for her, and also to mark the area I believe she entered Earth’s core through. As it is there I discovered her last time when she returned. If she does in fact miraculously return, then she will have her home to welcome her. Although I hope if she does, that I will still be here to welcome her. This is part of why I am not feeling her returning. I trust, as always, that she’s tuned into my messages, even though they have a bit of a time lapse where she is. We’ve never not been in sync, so there’s that. 🙂
Interestingly, not too long ago, this area where her house sits that has two Plumeria and one large succulent bush, had completely shifted. The large succulent bush had uprooted itself one night and as it did, had taken down the two Plumeria. I had always reflected on this as a sign of the work she was doing below ground, as well as a mirror of impending change that was to take place and the uprooting in my own life.
Since, the bushes have been replanted and supported, with hopes they would survive, and have. So much so, that the Plumeria are now in full bloom – I just was checking them out this morning when I took these photographs – and I love that they surround Gaia’s house with their fragant beauty.
The perfect reflection of the joy and grace she brought to my life, this time around, when I was most in need.
Plumeria symbolism includes natural beauty, charm, grace, new life, new beginnings, creation and recreation, the Sun, perfection of all things as is, dedication, devotion, love, immortality, healing powers, liveliness, life, and birth.
I believe these are perfect messages for where ever the new journey ahead may lead. And however that is to take form, I can only trust in the faith and belief that I will have the same kind of courage these amazing souls have graced my life with.
I also found three Star Jasmine this morning that had blossomed “out of season”. Jasmine flowers symbolize many things to many different cultures, including love, romance, sensuality, amiability, nobility, grace, and elegance, but more importantly, they hold strong spiritual significance, as a constant symbol of divinity and hope.
These three Jasmine felt like magickal reminders of these three dear and immeasurable souls in my life, as well as embody, to me, the powerful will of the courageous soul that doesn’t accept the boundaries others choose to believe in and is capable of blossoming in the darkness.