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Divine Mission – Possible ~ Litebeing Chronicles Blog Challenge 2018


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Today we take another break from our regular scheduled program to share my thoughts to another blog challenge – this time from sweet Linda of Litebeing. The title is Divine Mission – Possible Blog Challenge  where Linda asks us to “write about what we feel our spiritual mission here on Gaia is” to include answers to the following questions.

Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above?

What have you incarnated to do or to be?

Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it.

Are you delighted to be here? 

I chose 11/11/11 as the portal date to share mine, as somehow that felt particularly potent for this declaration and expression, as I’ve come to understand it so far.

Mission is a mixed bag of chips for me, as I do feel we each have focuses, but for me it boils down to the creative expression we are deciding to experience and a frequency we feel resonant with in cultivating more of.

While I feel we make spirit contracts in the way of a committed focus – hence mission – I feel we are also learning how to temper this “mission above all else” idea with love – Cosmic love, that is. One might think that love would naturally be the mission, but in fact there are many times, on bigger picture and smaller picture levels, we will follow a “mission” and forego love on many levels for our idea of the most compassionate, greater good choice.

I don’t agree with this – or at least, not anymore – although don’t have a simple answer to convey. And while it can be tough to find that balance, it leads me on further exploration of how I can best bring through my own example of how I’m coming to see this experience on Earth and beyond looking like to me.

In which case, a more nebulous answer is the best I can muster, as I find myself in continual exploration, excavation, and experimentation.

Was it always that way for me?

No.

In fact, I was caught up so much in needing to “know” my path, my purpose, my reason for being here…my mission, that I got lost in the details and strayed more from the natural way I birthed into being. Everything seemed to be about defining myself more and having to create labels or have a specific focus, otherwise I guess I wouldn’t be good enough?

It seems we’ve all been through that story.

Searching and searching I have done most of my life. But the more I searched, the farther I felt myself to be from satisfied with the results of my research. And if something didn’t fit into my and the collective’s idea/l of how that “should” look, then search some more I would or would wander off into inability to manifest in the way I wanted, or knew was possible, because ultimately I was an idea and not an embodiment.

So, am I a lightworker, Starseed, Indigo, etc.?

I would likely fall into the definitions of what we think of these to be, but I’d rather loosely describe myself as a pilgrim of the Cosmos singing my song and sharing that harmony from the farthest depths of love in my heart I continue to discover, as I dance with All That Is.

I’ve definitely never felt at home here since I was born, although have a huge love and reverence for Mother Earth – Terra. Here was seeded possibility and greater creative expression, and I uphold that origin in the countless lifetimes of incarnating here. And yet, in doing so, I remained trapped in an endless spiral of mission desiring to “correct” things, and misunderstood the scope of that commitment.

Perhaps the fight, and plight for that matter, is an illusion and liberation lies in our innocence.

So while in the past I would have said something like, “my mission is to help, empower, heal, etc. others”….life here has now become an experience.

An experience of what?

I guess if I have to describe it, it would be something like discovering more ways of how I can simply and most purely sing of the love in my heart and more clearly bring through Cosmic harmony as an Earth frequency embodiment – what ever that means – through every encounter I share here.

I dance in the magickal and am enraptured with enchantment, but it’s not the kind that blinds you under a spell, but rather invites and activates a brighter version of experience.

I used to be deeply in pain over my being here again on Earth. I never felt understood and likely still don’t, as there is so much I can’t explain of my experience and why I do and feel as I do, but the difference now from then is that I don’t care and it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I’m also not attached to an outcome and I could easily enjoy being here doing what I’m doing, or be elsewhere because the bottom line will be the same.

Everything I do in one reality, affects the others.

I’ve already shared about going through a profound transformation that, for me, erased all of these ideas and took me to the deepest peace I’ve known yet in this life. It cut away the cords to perpetual cycles I kept recreating in different ways, but same Emperor’s clothing.

I’m still discovering keys to new doorways of potential, but I know now that I don’t need a particular way my path or mission should look to be the love I feel. It’s just an adventure and I can do that while cleaning houses, volunteering at a local shelter, being a clerk at the store, working at the local coffee shop, taking care of my family, living as a hermit on top of a mountain, or being a famous artist or multi-millionaire entrepreneur.

It may not even have to be a “mission,” but simply an expression I keep choosing from my creative heart.

What ever most draws me in to experience.

It doesn’t much matter.

I simply find more ways to dance in imagination and experience through my heart. And I enjoy it all while challenging myself to more creative depths of love and courage I know have no limit.

This is why I’m here, or rather – still here experiencing this new relationship to everything – but it’s also why this seed of my spirit simply IS.

Would I say that I am delighted to be here and love it?

Hmmm….Well, I’m not resentful of it anymore. I’m seeing it as opportunity to embrace the potentials that were seeded here and why so many have been drawn to one of the best shows in this universe – Earth.

I have decided to express the most resonant, creative version of my multi-dimensional self in this focused reality of Earth I am privy to.

I’m certain the other parts of me are doing much the same.

~

I have a very magickal update to add to the end of this share about what took place directly after posting it. I’ll share it here later today when I return from a new hike we’re heading out to do. So check back for photos and the sweet encounter that took place.

~

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I’m back to continue with today’s experiences. So, as mentioned, directly after I posted this blog this morning on 11-11-11, I went upstairs to wash my coffee cup and get in my hiking clothes for a new hike we had set out to explore today. Well, as I was drying my cup and facing the forest I could see movement from the kitchen through the living room window. I was ecstatic when I realized it was a deer, as we haven’t seen any deer for the year we’ve lived here, although many live in the forest surrounding us. We have seen coyote wander behind our deck and countless little woodland creatures including rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, mice, hawks, raven, and an array of smaller bird varieties, but we had yet to see deer and bears like we saw at our previous condo home.

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I ran to the window with excitement and what do my eyes see? Not one, but three deer all munching away on some bushes. Two of them were more camouflaged in the bushes and harder to catch on camera, as I did not want to open the door and scare them off.

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They slowly made their way left just outside the fenced area of our side yard and so I, too, went to the side window. One was ahead of the others and she somehow knew I was there above and stopped to stare directly up and at me for a good minute.

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Then the others came to join her and suddenly I discovered there were four, not three!

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I watched them for a while until they made their way across the street, but knew this was no accident their showing up on 11-11-11 for the very first time since we’ve lived here – well, at least in a way of making themselves known to us that is, as I’m sure they wander through when we’re not looking – and right after I posted this blog. The photos have a glare from the sun reflecting, but make for interesting photos at this angle when the four of them showed up, creating almost windows and doorways – portals – amidst the forest.

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I got chills because, like another incident I had in Montana’s Glacier National Park, when two ethereal, Pleiadean deer showed up on the path in front of me this, too, was not simply an encounter of the Earthly kind.

The one who looked me dead in the eye, through my heart and spirit felt to be an emanation of my dear Nestor (rabbit twin soul who transitioned), visiting along with Joy and Cosmo (my two partnered soul mate rabbits), and Gaia – my Russian Tortoise.

I understood their presence as a nudge of love and confirmation and their ability to come through the Forest Portal we live at was supported by this 11-11-11 gateway.

Deer have such a gentle grace about them and symbolize a magickal ability to regenerate and be in touch with life’s mysteries – not to mention are all about the heart energy.

After, we did go on a new hike to what is known as Crater Lake – a desolate, steep, off-the-beaten-track hike that few people explore and on this day we were the only ones out there ascending up the mountain overlooking dramatic Hope Valley.

We happened to take a break under a gorgeous Juniper tree overlooking a frozen-over creek and when I looked at the time it said 11:11! Around our feet were juniper berries with a small glistening quartz in the middle of them right where I stood.

We continued and came to the opening saddle where the lake lies between two peeks.

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The lake has a very other-planet kind of feel the way it sits in the crater surrounded by steep rocky escarpments and because of its eastern exposure gets only cool morning sun, which has it covered in sheets of ice and the waterfall above turned to ice as well.

It was a little piece of private cosmic Earth and we felt as if we’d entered a timeline vortex. (This being accentuated by two tree branches on the way back down along the trail whose arms held out in each, a different men’s long sleeved shirt. Both of which we did not see on the way up).

We also found deer tracks! They were moving across the trail, but we had not seen them going up either. Something was afoot and the deer were making themselves known.

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Above the lake is a rock field of what appears to be beautifully colorful slate. I made my way around a small cluster of three trees sitting atop the stones, and over a very Faery little world of a different smooth stone covered in moss, to catch the above photo of the lake and it’s there that I found an unusual stone that has a quartz matrix growing in it and these pockets of rainbow sheen with sparkle I discovered later, as well as what appears like fossilized lichen. It’s otherworldly really and I was told to take it home, as it would assist with the next leg of the journey and be a portal access when needed. I couldn’t capture any of the detail mentioned, but this still gives you a feel for its energy.

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The rest of the day was sprinkled with alignments including such things as sitting down for lunch at 1:11 and finding exactly the perfect pair of ski boots at Goodwill that I needed to replace my too small boots that hurt my feet that I fractured and since have healed, at 1/4 – 1/5 the cost. These boots were in nearly perfect condition, exactly the 2 sizes larger I wanted, and the same style and brand I currently have. We also found two white candelabra we had just the night before talked about wanting while we prepped for a dinner party we hosted.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to share what unfolded after.

Did anyone else experience interesting little winks, messages, and magickal appearances?

Autumn Reflections


Welcome September! The change of seasons has been slowly descending upon the land, casting a warm, golden glow, as the light shifts daily. There’s been a lovely crispness in the air with chilly evenings enveloping us here with thoughts of cozy fires, nostalgic aromas, and the turning of leaves. All of this inspiring new waves of energy, ideas, and visions to bring through a burst of freshness.

Have you been feeling the transitioning of seasons too?

We are still about three weeks away from the Equinox, but preparations have begun.

Here at the Forest Portal I’ve immersed in Autumnal things including baking and cooking yesterday and this morning for guests arriving this evening for Labor Day weekend. I made root veggie-based curry and enchiladas, as well as two Dutch cocoa, cacao, coffee, walnut orange-infused bundt cakes (one simply the chocolate and coffee blend and the other with the added fun).

I’ve been listening to inspiration on some new upcoming small paintings and surrendering my novel writing to allow guidance for fresh ideas to come while I prepare for another cycle of devoted work and cocooning again soon.

I also completed my cosmic shamanic staff for the upcoming Fall Equinox “Living a Magickal Life workshop and gathering event. (There is just two weeks left to grab the remaining spot for this – 9/15 is the last day to register) But wow! Is all I can say. I’ve never made anything like this and how it all came together and the result is more than I could have imagined. It’s definitely the portal opening staff I knew I was meant to create.

That happened on Thursday and the same evening was our last Music on the Beach event of the Summer where I saw the biggest shooting star I’ve ever seen, in slow motion move across the sky and then plummet behind the mountains on the other side of the lake. No on else saw it. The cosmic influences are strong lately and I’ve been immersed in meditational expansions to assist these shifts.

And on the more mundane level, but equally potent, I’ve been doing a huge closet purge and revamp, which I’m trying to finish today, gave Wonderland a full cleaning and have welcomed in new energies to help enchant the shared creative space with Astrid for our upcoming hunkering down with writing again come October 1st.

Dave and I also signed up to begin a new wellness program on October 2nd based here at the new state-of-the-art athletic training center here in Tahoe. Something very not my usual thing, but the uniqueness of this program coupled with my shifts and feeling well being at the forefront of things while I move forward into a soulfully challenging next phase, all made it very clear, intuitively, that this was the next step.

We’re both healthy (in fact as a full-circle and reset button I had my first yearly wellness, full physical and blood work done in over 20 years just recently – all normal) and do a lot of outdoor things, but this will help up the game for us and continue assisting Dave with rehabilitation from his surgery to get back out there in peak condition for skiing.

They cater to all levels of fitness and rehab needs through internationally acclaimed performance coaching to help maximize athletic performance for athletes or active, recreational lifestyles for outdoor living – hiking, biking, skiing, kayaking, etc. So, we’re pretty excited about that since not only do their experts help with balance of coordination and conditioning, but there are classes you can attend alongside your training.

So that will be interesting and great. Only other thing I’ve ever done in any similar fashion was when I was 21-23 and trained hardcore with a personal trainer and then on my own at a regular gym.

This is completely different.

I’ve since been on my own flowing wavelength of wellness and now incorporating a very supportive, flowing, but skilled level of conditioning, which mirrors a new path I’m on in general with all the new. Very nurturing, expanding, strengthening, and taking things to a different level.

I always like to see the synergy at work with what shows up through choices and alignments.

Anyway, recently since Wednesday there’s been some kind of time warp or timeline shift, as I’ve experienced being a day ahead of the day at hand. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one, as Laura shared the same thing happening to her at the same time.

Even Astrid has been in a mode of digging lately so I’m looking into creating her own digging box so she doesn’t need to dig out the crystals in the fireplace or the kitty litter box. The digging deeper metaphor is resonant.

She’s also gone through fur shedding again, revealing so many complex images and symbols, including a lot of hearts showing up and things that looked like rebirthing reflections. This “skin” shedding metaphor appearing once again.

Which reminds me of one of last night’s potent dreams that involved a rabbit and a snake. The end result was the snake bit my right hand on the bottom side of the palm very deliberately and without fear on my part. In fact, so much without fear that I was not wanting medical attention regardless of there being potential it might be poisonous. It was unsure in the dream if the snake was poisonous or not, but I was not jumping at caring about treating it.

Definite transformational energy in motion and seems I want to immerse in the venomous juices of that with all of me.

This is about the third time I’ve dreamed of a snake/s biting me – all at very pivotal points on my journey.

All this to say, Autumn shifts are settling in and I’m finding the effects in my life to be very positive and expansive in potentials.

This reminds me of these words I’ve shared before, but feel inspired to share again:

There is indeed a continuum of increasing shifts and transitions taking place for everyone on so many levels, which brings us yet again to approaching another seasonal transformation, both within and without.

Yes, Autumn is closing in upon us, and that heads us toward a period of less “light out there” so that we find the source of true “light in here” – within you. This is a time to make friends with your own inner darkness and nurturing it, as this engaged healing integration is vital for soul growth.

Nature reminds us that we need to relinquish the need to hold on tightly with fear and to trust in the process – to allow ourselves to have everything we thought we knew about ourselves to be stripped away, only to discover a greater truth to our authenticity beneath the temporary structures.

And in the process you’ll discover the only thing that is eternal is the core essence of who you are beneath the temporal layers. You learn then that the rest isn’t as serious as you make it and is simply part of the journey to that core.

We let go, just as the trees effortlessly allow their leaves to shift colors and float off in the wind. We embrace the only permanence, which is change. And we take grateful stock of what we do have, while preparing for a new birthing that will be incubating during the symbolic stillness.

Seasonal transitions mirror the evolution of human consciousness and the dynamic shifts of life cycles.

The eternal cycles of birth and death, creation and destruction – all teach you the wisdom of harmonic co-existence. One thing does not exist without the other and through each you learn of your wholeness and cultivate courage and endurance to face that which is over, the past, the old – what must die within you – and trust in the abundant gifts that will come with the embrace of that release.

You become a conscious and active partner in the rebirthing process, as you walk through the flames of destruction with grace.

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I leave you with this image. I wish I knew who the artist is, but it is an image a friend once sent me and it feels so perfectly reflective of what I feel and sense all around this time period.

May all possibilities be open to you.

Things You Don’t Know About Me ~ Finding Purpose in Being


I mentioned to my Facebook friends who were interested that I would share a bit about my journey around purpose and the way that’s evolved through the various forms of work I’ve explored. Like many of you who feel confused or even tormented by this idea of purpose and life path, or who have been searching endlessly to find that cosmic answer that hits you over the head with clarity, I’ve been right there with you in what seemed like endless cycles of searching. But searching keeps us wanting more, whereas presence and listening will bring us home.

The concept of life purpose is a tricky one, as I do believe we each have something unique and perhaps key to our evolution that we choose to come into form to express and further our creative evolution. However, I feel that this dimension can tweak things in a way that makes us want to finite how that expression could be experienced, since we live in a way that wants definitive answers and ultimate results. Beyond this realm we simply have an essence that propels us and here that turns into a drive.

Perhaps that drive plays into some of why we feel confusion, as we try to squeeze our uniqueness into categories, funnel what could be flowing and amorphous, and then condition one another to do the same once that becomes a collective agreement as to the way things should be done. We buy into what success means and ultimately what that needs to look like. We even buy into what happiness is and disregard what makes US feel good.

The concept of life purpose and all the hype around it is a culprit to this in saying that you have this one absolute mission and you must hone in on that now, although I’m not knocking any of the support out there in wanting to help with this. I think explorations into your feelings, passions, unhealthy patterns, and things that make you tick are very helpful, but to limit all of that into a specific feels counterproductive to creative life force energy that looks for any channel of expression. It simply wants out. Doesn’t care how, but if it doesn’t get out that’s where we create challenges.

There doesn’t feel to be one answer in how you live who you are. How incredibly limiting to a limitless being that would be if you had only one choice and then were made to feel wrong or guilty if you don’t do it right. Where’s the purpose in that? We forget our song when we come into birth, so each little tickle to your heart is a way of remembering.

Purpose feels to be about what moves you and what you do that gives your life meaning, value, and enrichment to yourself and others. It’s about how you spend your time well, what feeds you, and feels important. And this can take varying forms of applying the unique gifts and qualities you have in perhaps one, but likely several varying ways that provide these things. And these can evolve over time along with you. It can be through an actual job/work, in your family and personal life, through volunteer work, passions and side projects, or all of these.

It can be how you do you as well as you can in every waking moment of life and in every encounter, experience, choice, action, expression, and connection you make.

Look at what you’re willing to put in as effort, as everything will take effort of some sort no matter if you love it or not. To say your purpose just happens is false. You have to make the choice and follow through. Although when you align yourself with what naturally feels good, it is easier since you aren’t using energy to balance out things. Yet, every day and moment is a choice and while alignment does create greater flow and opportunities, you still have to take action or do the work. Purpose doesn’t hand things on a silver platter. It’s rising to the occasion of what calls to you.

If painting calls to you, you still have to paint.

If making music calls, you still have to practice your instrument, write the music, and perform.

If it’s writing, well you have to write.

If it’s being a doctor, you’ll still have to get your degree and show up every day at your best.

If it’s being a receptionist, you’ll have to take that job interview and express your personality and social skills with every person you interface with.

If it’s being a mom or dad, you still have to show up and be ready to challenge yourself to love more unconditionally each day.

And guess what? You might do all of these, but you’ll still have to create the time, commit to each expression, and choose to be present with how they all want to channel through you in your own unique way. That’s the beauty of it. You can find your own way of satisfying how you spend your time well – your purpose.

If you look at the things that come naturally to you, that make you smile in your heart, feel good, and are what you loved as a child, let that be your gauge and guiding force without trying to figure out how that needs to look or compare it to what everyone else around you is doing or how they are labeling things, not pressure yourself to hurry up or belittle yourself that you’re so far behind and should be further by now. According to what? That’s an answer you give yourself if you aren’t being present with each moment.

You have to be willing to be more vulnerable and not care what others think, pay attention to the times you get lost in something and lose track of time – which indicates being in the zone, ask yourself what you’re passionate about and how in any way that is part of your life or can be incorporated – not only as a “job” – and then understand that action creates momentum and fuels passion.

That all said, it’s not necessarily that the job you’re doing is wrong, but perhaps it’s an unhealthy work environment, or your approach, judgments, and process of handling it aren’t healthy, you’re out of alignment with your perspective and response to things, your life isn’t balanced so triggers are being created, you aren’t embracing and being grateful for the aspects of the work you do that you shine in and enjoy, you aren’t engaging your passions in some way, which would then make your life more meaningful and fulfilling no matter where you find yourself.

Chances are, what ever work you’re currently doing, you do have a propensity for it and skills, or there are elements to it that you truly do enjoy and shine in. Perhaps it’s the part of you that knows how to motivate a team towards goals, your ability to listen and problem solve, a joy for numbers and details, you’re a great organizer, an awesome leader, have exceptional customer service skills, love interfacing with people, really enjoy the innovative aspects you get to incorporate in idea exploration, you’re incredible with your hands, love building things, are amazing at comforting others, etc.

So, yes, not all of your job might be fun, but those parts are where you excel and get lost. Focus there. And if you need to express other gifts and passions, see how either you can incorporate them or are overlooking them, or can do them in another way in your life. I guarantee when you do these things you will be in the flow and more choices will show up and you’ll know exactly what to choose or do next because you aren’t waiting to have that one thing happen to you. You are engaging your essence now and that creates alignment in any situation you’re in or for new ones to present themselves in form or idea to take action on next. It’s a step-by-step process, but can be fulfilling in each moment if you are being present and creating a balanced way of approaching and expressing your life.

Be mindful if you’re in an unhealthy situation, but weed out everything before saying you’re simply not doing your purpose. There’s likely a lot you’re overlooking because you’e caught up in an idea and also being bombarded by confusing signals you haven’t taken reign of yet. There may be skills you can utilize to make it better or right. You may need to just respect yourself more or stand up to something. You maybe just need to switch companies, rather than the job itself. In some cases you might want to shift gears of how you express that gift and go a completely different direction, but in the meantime, make the most of what you have, as you don’t have to suffer while making that shift. And if you take the actions within your job now, you’ll find how that creates opportunities and openings, not to mention greater peace and fulfillment immediately.

Recently I was triggered to review all the different things I’ve done and explored on my journey of work/life path that a lot of people don’t realize I’ve done, as they only see me now. This is likely the case for many of you and this is what prompted sharing a more revealing insight on my journey, including that spectrum I went through and what I’ve discovered about purpose and alignment for myself, which could be helpful in some way for you.

I thought I would list out everything that I could remember having explored, placing them in categories so that not only would you see what I actually did, but seriously took steps toward and spent time feeling out. All of this was in effort to “find myself” and my “purpose.” I likely at the time appeared to be scattered, fickle, non-committal, foolish, or even crazy. Yet, it’s in the journey of all of this that I’ve been able to finally find peace and see it from a bigger picture perspective I couldn’t see then while caught up in it all.

And while some of these things will seem so opposite or odd in terms of what I do now, I can say with all honesty that any of these things could easily have been continued, if I knew then, what I know now, as each of them DID in fact express some of the gifts and things I enjoyed and excelled in. Some, even, were already tapping into my North Node in Capricorn, which is a focus now for me, as our North Nodes do speak to that infamous “life purpose.” In fact, I was on that path immediately when I was a junior in high school getting accepted already into FIDM with this drive of wanting to get on with life already and out of school because I had a vision of my career. Choices, however, created a detour to unfold each petal for greater understanding of this whole picture playing out.

It was all a journey of learning, but truly the reasons at the heart of why I left these positions or didn’t pursue them was because of my unhealthy approach to the jobs – as in I didn’t have balance in my life and was an extremist at the time so I overworked myself to the point of burn out and didn’t have boundaries resulting in affecting my health and well being. I didn’t know how to speak up for myself, I was afraid to make the wrong decision in terms of choosing the wrong life path (not understanding how a choice simply would lead to more choices just on a different trajectory), I was put off by the processes and commitment I had to make to it, I hadn’t worked through some of my fears and didn’t see these as opportunities at the time like I did later, and the list goes on.

Yet ALL of these things I DID enjoy on some level when I allowed myself to just be in that moment of the aspects that I got lost in and made me shine.

Here is the list I came up with.

Jobs I Had:

  • Hostess at a Restaurant – twice (First at Olive Garden when I was 16 and later at Il Fornaio becoming a lead hostess)
  • Claims Processor & Promoted to Small Claims Medical Examiner – Worker’s Compensation Insurance
  • Loss Control Secretary – Overseeing 5 Field Reps in Worker’s Compensation Insurance (Different company than above jobs)
  • Makeup Artist – Department store makeup lines
  • Receptionist/Secretary/Personal Assistant/Asst. Office Manager – Investment Firm
  • Custom Art Business – Paintings/Murals/Logos/Faux Painting/Art & Writing for a start-up Children’s Show (my first entrepreneurial business)
  • Modeling/Extra Work – Fashion shows/Promo Modeling/Ads/Videos/Dance Shows – here’s my blog post on that: Discovering My “Harmony Zone” of Health & Vitality
  • Photographer’s Assistant – Worked with a school photographer setting up equipment, the space & handling/organizing kids Kindergarten – High School
  • Reiki Master Teacher – Offered sessions & training
  • Tarot & Animal Readings
  • Author – Wrote & self-published a book – working on a second
  • Sacred Tattoo Designer
  • Artist – Custom and original work
  • Crystal Jewelry & Healing Tools Creator
  • Retreat Leader
  • Workshop Teacher
  • Sound Healer
  • Procured & Sold Crystals
  • Intuitive Guidance Coach
  • Currently manage rental properties

Degrees/Training/Certifications I Got:

  • AA in Merchandise Marketing
  • Medical Billing Certification
  • Makeup Artist Certification
  • Acting Classes
  • Reiki Master Teacher Certification
  • Metaphysical Training

Promotions/Job Offers/Opportunities I Rejected After Interviewing For:

  • Claims Examiner – Worker’s Compensation Insurance
  • Jewelry Designer for a Jewelry Shop
  • Flight Attendant School
  • Jobs in Women’s Retail Clothing
  • Art Teacher through an Art School

Paths I Seriously Considered/Took Steps Toward/Spent Time Exploring & Feeling Into:

  • Fashion Designer – was my first passion before I settled on Merchandise Marketing
  • Buyer for Department Store/Fashion Coordinator
  • Personal Trainer
  • Horse Assistant at Ranch
  • Custom Meal Service/Catering
  • Cleaning Business
  • Personal Assistant
  • Retreat Center – Almost bought land & started
  • Animal Acupuncturist – Specializing in rabbits

Volunteer Work:

  • Rabbit Rescue

I’m not sure if I’m missing anything else, but I think this gives you enough of an idea of how varied and extensive my explorations were and how much I was searching for things right under my nose. In some way, I utilize all of these skills and gifts still to this day in my work and personal life. They just have translated differently based on the new choices I’m making and aligning with in each moment.

Again, truly any of these things, if approached with a healthy perspective, could have been more than what they turned out to be. And yet, they still all DID help me to learn about myself and the things I enjoyed and excelled in.

It’s only now that I have learned about and created balance in my life, that I can see it all for what it is and understand how each piece spoke to a part of me and can even be traced to my Astrological placements and the skills I came into this life with that can be utilized in productive or nonproductive ways depending on my perspective.

There is opportunity in every moment to be living your “purpose.” It’s up to you how you choose to express that, but know that in fact there is no one right way.

At the end of the day or the end of your life, the question to ask yourself is, did I live my life well?

April Energy Update from Lee Harris – The End of ‘The Love and Light Brigade’ & The Rawness of Re-patterning


I think many of you will find this month’s energy update insightful and helpful. These themes have been showing up with client sessions and with many people I know. It’s time to be discerning with your energy in order to have more energy to be able to keep channeling and stay balanced. It seems counter-intuitive to love and light people, but Lee explains this well, so I hope you’ll tune in. Everything is in process of re-patterning so the new will become natural and this includes really feeling into what you want to be doing, rather than what you think you should be doing. Being on path is simply being in alignment with your life force energy, driving passions, and desires of well being.

Realizing Your Potential


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“You enter the forest
at the darkest point,
where there is no path.
Where there is a way or path,
it is someone else’s path.
You are not on your own path.
If you follow someone else’s way,
you are not going to realize
your potential.”
~Joseph Campbell

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While others indeed help open collective doorways, pave potential opportunities, and clear some of the debris and challenge along the way, only you can be you!

Even though you might share a similar energy stream with others, bringing your authenticity, voice, and heart into things will create a path that is yours alone and will need to be carved by only the frequency you carry.

Hence, courage to journey into the unknown and support the way that most aligns with you, will take you down a path where your own light will bring clarity with each step taken.

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Be as You Truly Are ~ You Haven’t Lost Your Passion or Path, You Simply Can Choose to Dance & Sing Again


A little feather mandala with 11 that I found yesterday, encircling an orange calcite heart for New Moon in Aries … Stirring the fire within to unleash your most transformative expression that wisely harnesses your creative and courageous spark of truest nature and embodiment.

One might ask themselves:

How can I create more balance and harmony in the giving and receiving of energy?

What values call to my heart most?

Do I experience frustration due to unrecognized opportunity, limiting perspective, and lack of self love?

There is potential for more integrity of self-expression and recognizing your natural beingness as you truly ARE.

I recently had a dream about a small magickal creature I was given from the Netherlands and it rested in my hands and then gave me a bite on my fingers, although without the intent to hurt and it didn’t, nor did it bleed, but I knew it was getting my attention. There isn’t a creature that looks just like what I saw in the dream, but the word pygmy and vole came to mind…I did discover there are pygmy shrews and field voles in the Netherlands.

I’ve made several connections to the entirety of the dream for myself and the connections of awareness it drew me too, but also while later looking into this animal’s symbolism, I was struck by something I read about vole that coincides with this New Moon energy and felt to share it too for the collective.

It shared how vole teaches about awareness to what is going on all around you with both sensitivity and alertness, but also simply teaches about expressing your nature, naturally, which comes through feeling and listening to your intuition with loving trust.

They also carry an energy and growth potential in embracing the learning around nature’s expression of both destruction and rebirth. So in essence, asking you to look at what needs to change or that you feel could use shifting in your life and then by listening you’ll be shown how to harness those changes with vole’s help.

And synchronous to my dream, voles teach us how to “sink our teeth into” the things we’re wanting to create…in essence showing us how to harness the visions and ideas with creative tenacity so we can make them productive and actualized.

There is so much angst and frustration out there around worrying about not being on path, searching, yearning, seeking out guidance to what exactly you “should” be doing, holding onto the belief there must be some idealized version and bigness around an end result of what this looks like, and coming up short on these expectations placed on it all by self and the messaging out there.

Interestingly, at the same time you worry and search, you are also avoiding the feelings inside, your intuitive messaging, those subtle or sometimes loud nudges, are self-sabotaging with conditioned beliefs, ingenious inner dialogue, and avoidance tactics, or even creating every obstacle and energy drain on yourself, otherwise.

Yet, what it boils down to is a need to surrender to what IS right now.

Who you ARE this moment.

The intelligence within you ALREADY.

You miss the opportunities every moment to just be YOU and bring through the creative vitality that stirs within your spirit and heart.

There isn’t a perfect outcome you need to strive for.

You simply need to choose to walk in the frequency of your vibration right now and how ever that leads you, IS exactly what you are here to do.

Don’t wait for some perfect answer or precise conclusion to your quest.

Give up the quest and realize the truth of your journey that is a step-by-step unfolding of you being you.

The more in touch we are with our feelings and the voice within, the more we know exactly what it is in each moment that would be the best possible use of our breath here on Earth. And that may be much more simple than you were led to believe, although without devising it, could very well turn into something much bigger.

But don’t judge what is and isn’t extraordinary or how if you only do “this,” you aren’t doing enough.

If you truly are embracing your spirit’s song and commit to expressing its voice in each experience you have, then you will come to experience the peace and harmony you seek…the next notes will become clear…and naturally you’ll have a symphony at work with your instrument in sync with the the collective orchestra.

I find that people create inertia because they dwell too much on the ideas rather than the feelings moving through. I’ve been there too.

You have and always will be messaged by your inner voice to where would most be in resonance and alignment to your vibrational expression.

We simply don’t listen and listening, nurturing, and supporting that voice is more key than how things need to look, as when we cultivate that, we naturally will be doing and being our best possible version in each ever-expanding and evolving moment.

So it won’t be about what big thing you “should” be doing, but truly about embodying your own bigness through being.

The less we listen and support that innate knowingness, is where we come up against the challenges.

And that inner voice will tell us when making changes would be much more supportive to our life and everyone’s lives we touch.

I recently went through this in a big way, myself, before we went on our Magick Bus journey and made the changes that were key to my spirit’s expression in order to thrive here or elsewhere.

If you feel a loss of passion, it’s not because you don’t have any or you need to discover your passion, you simply need to tune back into you, as somewhere along the line a door was closed on your feelings and the connection and love didn’t receive the nurturing that other things instead did. The nature of you doesn’t go away, it simply awaits remembering and dancing with once again.

And yes, that does become important, if in fact you desire to live from that purity of your natural vitality more and find yourself frustrated and tormented all the time.

Loss of passion may also speak to your completing a cycle on your spiral of life and rather than continuing to repeat patterns that keep you stuck, or drag you backwards like a whirpool, you simply need to get on the next spiral and create anew, integrating ingredients to bring forth continual alchemy of being.

Take an honest, deep, intimately vulnerable look within yourself and ask the really important questions. You’ll discover what the true “block” is to your having the very thing you say you desire…or in essence, to being more of who you really ARE.

It’s a very interesting journey we experience in our lives.

No right or wrong, nor timeframe. However, if you are feeling miserable or frustrated, that may very well be indication to try another way.

When we more actively engage ourselves as the truly empowered partners in co-creation, we can discover how to work with the alchemy latent within each of us to create.

How things evolve will be a beautiful spiraling of your nature unfolding her or his exquisite petals.

If you are feeling a squeeze on yourself, uninvigorated, and like you are suffocating, or ready to burst, then your spirit is messaging you to go bigger, expand, express, bring forth and wisely channel what is burning within.

If uninspired, this is your chance to choose to recreate yourself and do something that moves you, feels invigorating, and keeps your imagination and creativity engaged. Start inviting and bringing forth new elements to your life that stimulate newness and fresh perspectives to keep you thriving and challenge you to go beyond yesterday’s ideas and version of yourself.

That doesn’t always mean it has to be a huge outward change, but may simply be about inviting more of the little tweaks and perspectives to your current experience that inspire a natural unfolding from there.

You have the ability to choose completely new right now and to create something different, something more, but ultimately more you this moment.

This doesn’t need to be a do or die situation, but about really feeding your spirit’s song without any constraints on should’s and should not’s, nor about following patterns…but carving a new way that is more resonant aligned to you in the flow of energy streaming through that is simultaneously abound.

I feel that as long as we continue to touch in with ourselves, invite, and put into action ways to challenge ourselves to expand our capacity for creative expression and move into new areas of personal passion moving through us with expanding courage, we will find our lives enriched and continuing to unfold in amazing ways.

You are an intuitive being whether you think you are, or not.

When you reteach yourself to trust what you’re feeling and relax into a more peaceful state of presence, then you can be more mindful, discerning, and understanding of how to navigate the energy streams in healthy partnership of heart and mind where unnecessary risks, but invigorating challenge will meet in your always being exactly where your spirit desires.

11 Year Brought to Light


Two years ago, today, was the official adoption day of Cosmo. Although I took him home on January, 25, 2015, this day marks his complete peace in knowing he had a forever home for the first time in his life. We’d taken him in as a foster bunny only due to the fact that I had to keep in mind my other bunny, Joy’s feelings and knowing there’d be a journey to bond them. Truth be told, I knew in my heart the second I held him, he wasn’t going anywhere.

He would have turned 11 this year, come May 17th, and synchronously I was just reminded two days ago by my metaphysical genius brother, while visiting my family, that I was not just in a #2 year since my birthday rang in on 2/26, but in fact this is an 11/2 personal year, which is quite significant. I’m not sure why I forgot this, but perhaps it was to have things deepen naturally and then light up in reiteration, after the fact of much that has unfolded, so as to just “be” with the energy and see the a-ha’s later.

So that puts quite a spin on things being that I also turned 44 – a master number – am in an 11 year – another master number, and my sweet Cosmo, who is  with me daily and profoundly so, would have been 11.

It kind of ignited something when my brother reminded me – he always seems to bring up things at the right time and it was so “random” in conversation how he just stated it in between other things that had no connection. I had to wonder if also Cosmo might have been nudging this message through him so I could make the connection.

As I mentioned, 44 feels like a year of building, business, being, and balance, but there is an undercurrent of bringing together everything one has learned, drawing in new wisdom, and integrating it for greater alchemy with this 11 year.

I’ve felt this year to be significant in terms of how my path is going a whole new direction and even in terms of the deepest peace, embodiment, creative inspiration, and intuitive harmony I’ve felt to be in, and indeed this is reiterated in the 11 year.

If you have been in an 11 year yourself before, you’ll understand this, or perhaps you might be in one or coming up on one soon.

Here are some insights.

11 years are powerful for receiving insights to your higher purposes in life, enhanced intuition and psychic insight feeling even more natural, leaps in soul growth and another spiral level of enlightenment experienced, greater collective opportunity in terms of being a source of inspiration and illumination, channeling, inspired thinking and originality, and working for a common good.

The latter especially comes in due to the 11 year combining both a double 1 (self, creativity, courage, self-confidence, innovation, independence…also divine inspiration and the ability to make things happen/manifest) AND the energy of a 2 year (collective/group dynamics, supportive of a greater good, partnership and relationship in all realms, cooperation, patience).

So it blends both – integration and harmony – and knowing that each are interconnected without separating them out, but simply by default of “being”.

11 = 1 + 1 = 2.

A year also in focusing on effectiveness in order to harness all the gifts and talents you have, and implementing them, your time, energy, and boundaries in ways that keep you balanced and not crashing, being flexible, fluid and expansive, and knowing where to invest fully.

It’s a year of mastering tortoise AND rabbit energy, in my opinion, and realizing how to pace everything as a marathon and not a sprint, while also being opportune for tapping into a clear channel that can bring a flood of enlightened ideas and projects to take action on quickly and flexibly in intuitively guided moments of opportunity opening (so mini sprints within an overall marathon). This involving the creation of a directional path that you’ve never been on before, which not only comes from your highest self and heart, but can have profound effect on others as well as you.

This all reiterates so much of what I’ve felt going on and knowing this is a time for going beyond what I knew of myself, courageously entering other territory beyond soul history comfort zones and any easier patterns without judgment, and doing so in confidence despite the new territory.

It’s reflective of that stepping up into the biggest version yet of spirit through self, for highest good with all things interconnected with each choice and action taken. Personal and collective are nurtured simultaneously despite what others try to define it as from the outside.

Tempering this balance is the process being refined during this year to seamless “Nature of Being.”

Definitely I’ve felt a new life path and manifestations have been seeded.

And I see this so beautifully reflective of Cosmo for sure and his self mastery that always shined through and felt like such a guiding light for my life, bringing to light the ingredients so easily understood to navigate life by.

He is like this little Cosmic Wizard, both anchored in who he is and also humble. Like an ascended master in many ways. So much to learn from him and I continue to, as he’s with me daily.

He, along with Joy, Nestor (my bunnies), and Gaia (my tortoise) are all by my side, each sharing their parts when it is their turn in the “story” and each stepping forward or helping to work the behind-the-scenes alchemy in harmonized unfolding.

I am so grateful to have such leading examples to support this turning point in my life.

And it reminds us all how we have so much support and guidance beyond what we think, or the ways in which we look for it.

There is no “need” to make light of signs and reflections, as nature simply IS and so can we BE.

And yet, there’s also no reason not to see these things, as these can be helpful in retraining you back into remembering your true nature so you can just melt into that consistently, seamlessly, and naturally without need to point anything out.

Yet since there is a learning curve for much of the collective, to bring perspective can ignite latent parts of ourselves.

There is a journey we take and it doesn’t – although could – usually turn on like a flick of a switch that shoots us to that experience instantly. There is a process that teaches us the ways of alchemy and helps others understand too, then we can let go of the process and simply experience. Or, move in and out by choice without shifting our center.

It’s like all things at once, but also ok with each piece of ALL.

Thank you Cosmo for sharing your love and this special 11 year with me. I am honoring you, as I embrace this energy unfolding, and keep your guidance close at heart in every thing I do.

My Evolving Journey, Offerings & Updates


I no longer experience life as a challenge, but simply as a state of being and adventure of spirit in rhythmic harmony. That’s a huge thing to say after everything, but more importantly to experience. This has enabled me to move in and out of experiences easily, to understand my processes and ability to transform everything, to not have to defend my reality or how I engage with experience, and feeling more at home because I’ve found that within and embraced creating my own world that merges now and then, but mostly dwells in its own realm.

I was musing with a dear friend of mine on major shifts we’ve been feeling and we shared mutual inability to explain things in fullness because words are too definitive and finite, and don’t really encompass the nebulousness of shifts that are taking place or being felt.

I went from hardly being here a year and a half ago to a return to the body, but in a new way that is in it, but not of it – just like my experience is in things/this world, but not of it. This taking place with my release of my life and heading out on our Magick Bus adventure where I immersed in nature, retrieved parts of myself, and created a new relationship with everything.

No more stigma with being here, around the physical body, able to see through different eyes and how I could integrate things in the way of transmutation.

It’s hard to explain, but there’s been increased and more regular levels of what I call grace in suspension.

I am not focused on living an orgasmic life (another thing my friend and I touched upon) of heightened experiences of emotion and feeling (although I’ve flowed with this), but rather, a state of being both beyond the senses and all encompassing that creates that peace, grace, or harmony. Even these words could be limiting, but are closest to what I can find.

And yet, I move in and out of things/experiences by choice and when needed, always knowing my core state of being can navigate me through and back.

Things continue to morph and how things will look is continually unfolding, but as I’ve mentioned, it feels like an integration of Earthly and Cosmic being as a return, yet from a different perspective.

While sharing all of this…this is simply a small portion of MY OWN experience and not indicative of anyone else’s journey, as we will each create our own realities and have our own experiences to go through, which creates a full spectrum of possibilities and potentials along the collective web, as we realize the grand illusion of so much more than even we thought we were aware of.

And yet, this is all perfect too.

This leads me to how I recently embraced the nudge to come out of some of my sabbatical of sorts, I’ve been in, but truly it’s been a reset on life.

I felt there was call to open up a channel to help guide some who were ready for a big shift or going through one themselves, so that they could feel more grounded and empowered in their new life reset too.

This started back up two days ago on the 1st of March, which was quite a powerful day, so much so that literally right as I was ending my last client call the power went out here for 3 hours and did so throughout the neighborhood. Granted there was no storm, no winds, nothing visible that caused this like other times it’s gone out, so indeed felt connected with a stepping up and bigger embrace of energy all around taking place, which needed a reset.

What I’ve come to see is that the types of souls and clients that are drawn to work with me are people who have done the work, are very aware and conscious, are extremely magickal and powerful, are living an integration life, been through great challenges and hurdles, but are strong and endured, and are in the midst of making the next huge leap, ready to let it all go, move forward, and ground into their new life and passions they’ve always felt called to.

All they need is that extra guidance, insight and perspective, reflection, reiteration, and boost to step fully through the door and no longer straddle two worlds.

My goal is to get these people up and out and without need for reliance on lengthy and long-term coaching, as these are not souls that need this. I like to empower people to step out into the world and know they have the ability to do it, feel confident, and realize their power, then go for it. Again, this is why a particular kind of person comes to me who truly is ready for that and that’s why they show up.

I love the beautiful synchronicities (pretty astounding in many ways) that is shared with these souls, which speaks to the alignment of resonance and timing for these connections that you just know was agreed upon way before now.

I feel humbled to witness their journeys, and how they even reflect for me, my own, and am so happy for them, as these are some extraordinary souls who by their stepping into greater responsibility and commitment, will continue to lead the way for many others.

Just from our first call (the second rounds begin again today here shortly, as I like to kick things off the first week with giving things a big boost) so much movement took place because of their courage.

I’m not sure how long I’ll be offering these sessions for two clients per 5 weeks, but I know it will be as long as souls I share an agreement with are looking for that guidance and as long as I am able to provide the energy and time, which is why I honored that balance that felt right for me too.

You can read about this here: Intuitive Energy Guidance/Coaching

I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve gone through that allow me to be a stable anchor and draw upon what I’ve moved through, as well as be able to not be affected psychically from the interactions, as I would have been in the past due to my inability to productively use my sensitivities/empathing and not having energetic boundaries.

And while I’ve said there are aspects of my previous work/services I offered that I will never offer/open up again, a couple might show up in different ways or if I’m nudged like with the sessions.

That said, I was just asked about teaching a Reiki Master Teacher workshop here in Lake Tahoe this summer by one of my past students who would be traveling this way for it. This aligns with the kind of guidance and support I’m nudged to offer at this time for people ready to step up and out.

So there is potential, depending on the nature of the workshop – if private or group – that I may be able to offer that to anyone interested in moving forward with their Reiki journey, or wants to review or deepen into things with your practice (maybe stepping into this more now that you’re ready) if you’ve gone through the training a long time ago, or with another teacher.

If this calls to you, you can let me know by contacting me here so we can discuss things and I’ll see what kind of interest develops for putting this together: Contact Tania Marie

And a quick update.

During a lot of the powerful energy and shifts lately, I’ve completed my first four magick crystal wands I’ve been working on. I’ll be sharing them soon. I ended up finding two more branches in the forest that spoke to me, so two turned into four.

I still have a scepter and two staves to create/channel, but they are going to take a while because they are much larger and have a lot involved. Plus, my hands need a break, as working with these creations takes a toll on them, plus there is a lot of intent, energy alignment, and more going into these…I’ll share that when I share them.

I love the way we each are uniquely journeying, and yet we’re simply being, which encompasses a frequency within the collective harmonics. Although individual and whole within that personally, we are simultaneously part of a whole that IS.

Lots of love to you.

Support for these Intense Times & Transitions


These have been intense times for everyone, including for those of you who are healers, empaths, and have a usually easier flow with things. I’m hearing, seeing, and feeling how this is throwing a curve ball for many and creating behaviors, dialogue, and challenges that aren’t the norm for you and creating stress, anxiety, health challenges, as well as confusion around your path or a halt on feeling clear with the choices you’ve been pursuing.

I believe this is why I got the loud message to review my ability to open up some time to start offering the Intuitive Energy Guidance/Coaching sessions once again.

I opened the 6 session/5 week intensives to start in March with just 2 clients per 5 weeks, as I felt that was the balanced and most effective way at this time I could provide to anyone really feeling a need to move through current energy streams, move through the undercurrents at work personally/collectively, and get more grounded and empowered with things once again while moving toward your personal goals.

The March and April spaces are full, but you can reserve May if this work and timing feels resonant.

The link below provides details about the focus of this work, what others have shared about working with me, along with options of Pay-As-You-Go (with 6 session/5 week commitment) or One-Time Package Savings:

Intuitive Energy Guidance

And if you have questions, please message me here:

Contact Tania Marie

Update on Available Spots & a Dream


This is just a brief update that the March spots I opened for the 5 week intensive of Intuitive Energy Guidance are filled and I may only have 1 spot left to start the next 5 week intensives beginning April. If you feel called to this and resonate with working in partnership with me, you can reserve that now at this link, which provides details and options of Pay-As-You-Go (with 6 session/5 week commitment) or One-Time Package Savings: Intuitive Energy Guidance

I can only support 2 clients per five weeks and am going by my own intuitive guidance on how long I’ll continue offering this.

If you have any questions you can message me here: CONTACT

Last night I had an amazing dream about several winged horses flying through the sky and a large group of people, myself included, were being fitted with our own “wings,” so to speak, to be able to fly. And then I watched as people were practicing and facing their fears of heights and such, as they tried out their wings.

I remember one of the people fitting the wings saying to me that they thought perhaps my fear of heights would keep me flying low. Little did they know that when it comes to flying, fear doesn’t have any place within me. And off I went proving them wrong, as I flew to great heights.

I loved this dream, as it felt to symbolize a new consciousness and paradigm arriving, of more people beginning to and continuing to reach great heights, greater freedom, ability to harness magick in the material plane and manifest dreams and intents, greater balance and sense of true empowerment being harnessed, and more grounded transformations unfolding.

And I loved the mirror of that involving the offering I’ve put out again, as it feels connected with more people ready to step up and out…ready to fly…and will.

I hear so many wonderful shifts taking place for so many collectively and that is where I choose to focus my efforts and energy and helping as many as possible to be free.

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