Today we take another break from our regular scheduled program to share my thoughts to another blog challenge – this time from sweet Linda of Litebeing. The title is Divine Mission – Possible Blog Challenge where Linda asks us to “write about what we feel our spiritual mission here on Gaia is” to include answers to the following questions.
Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above?
What have you incarnated to do or to be?
Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it.
Are you delighted to be here?
I chose 11/11/11 as the portal date to share mine, as somehow that felt particularly potent for this declaration and expression, as I’ve come to understand it so far.
Mission is a mixed bag of chips for me, as I do feel we each have focuses, but for me it boils down to the creative expression we are deciding to experience and a frequency we feel resonant with in cultivating more of.
While I feel we make spirit contracts in the way of a committed focus – hence mission – I feel we are also learning how to temper this “mission above all else” idea with love – Cosmic love, that is. One might think that love would naturally be the mission, but in fact there are many times, on bigger picture and smaller picture levels, we will follow a “mission” and forego love on many levels for our idea of the most compassionate, greater good choice.
I don’t agree with this – or at least, not anymore – although don’t have a simple answer to convey. And while it can be tough to find that balance, it leads me on further exploration of how I can best bring through my own example of how I’m coming to see this experience on Earth and beyond looking like to me.
In which case, a more nebulous answer is the best I can muster, as I find myself in continual exploration, excavation, and experimentation.
Was it always that way for me?
In fact, I was caught up so much in needing to “know” my path, my purpose, my reason for being here…my mission, that I got lost in the details and strayed more from the natural way I birthed into being. Everything seemed to be about defining myself more and having to create labels or have a specific focus, otherwise I guess I wouldn’t be good enough?
It seems we’ve all been through that story.
Searching and searching I have done most of my life. But the more I searched, the farther I felt myself to be from satisfied with the results of my research. And if something didn’t fit into my and the collective’s idea/l of how that “should” look, then search some more I would or would wander off into inability to manifest in the way I wanted, or knew was possible, because ultimately I was an idea and not an embodiment.
So, am I a lightworker, Starseed, Indigo, etc.?
I would likely fall into the definitions of what we think of these to be, but I’d rather loosely describe myself as a pilgrim of the Cosmos singing my song and sharing that harmony from the farthest depths of love in my heart I continue to discover, as I dance with All That Is.
I’ve definitely never felt at home here since I was born, although have a huge love and reverence for Mother Earth – Terra. Here was seeded possibility and greater creative expression, and I uphold that origin in the countless lifetimes of incarnating here. And yet, in doing so, I remained trapped in an endless spiral of mission desiring to “correct” things, and misunderstood the scope of that commitment.
Perhaps the fight, and plight for that matter, is an illusion and liberation lies in our innocence.
So while in the past I would have said something like, “my mission is to help, empower, heal, etc. others”….life here has now become an experience.
An experience of what?
I guess if I have to describe it, it would be something like discovering more ways of how I can simply and most purely sing of the love in my heart and more clearly bring through Cosmic harmony as an Earth frequency embodiment – what ever that means – through every encounter I share here.
I dance in the magickal and am enraptured with enchantment, but it’s not the kind that blinds you under a spell, but rather invites and activates a brighter version of experience.
I used to be deeply in pain over my being here again on Earth. I never felt understood and likely still don’t, as there is so much I can’t explain of my experience and why I do and feel as I do, but the difference now from then is that I don’t care and it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I’m also not attached to an outcome and I could easily enjoy being here doing what I’m doing, or be elsewhere because the bottom line will be the same.
Everything I do in one reality, affects the others.
I’ve already shared about going through a profound transformation that, for me, erased all of these ideas and took me to the deepest peace I’ve known yet in this life. It cut away the cords to perpetual cycles I kept recreating in different ways, but same Emperor’s clothing.
I’m still discovering keys to new doorways of potential, but I know now that I don’t need a particular way my path or mission should look to be the love I feel. It’s just an adventure and I can do that while cleaning houses, volunteering at a local shelter, being a clerk at the store, working at the local coffee shop, taking care of my family, living as a hermit on top of a mountain, or being a famous artist or multi-millionaire entrepreneur.
It may not even have to be a “mission,” but simply an expression I keep choosing from my creative heart.
What ever most draws me in to experience.
It doesn’t much matter.
I simply find more ways to dance in imagination and experience through my heart. And I enjoy it all while challenging myself to more creative depths of love and courage I know have no limit.
This is why I’m here, or rather – still here experiencing this new relationship to everything – but it’s also why this seed of my spirit simply IS.
Would I say that I am delighted to be here and love it?
Hmmm….Well, I’m not resentful of it anymore. I’m seeing it as opportunity to embrace the potentials that were seeded here and why so many have been drawn to one of the best shows in this universe – Earth.
I have decided to express the most resonant, creative version of my multi-dimensional self in this focused reality of Earth I am privy to.
I’m certain the other parts of me are doing much the same.
I have a very magickal update to add to the end of this share about what took place directly after posting it. I’ll share it here later today when I return from a new hike we’re heading out to do. So check back for photos and the sweet encounter that took place.
I’m back to continue with today’s experiences. So, as mentioned, directly after I posted this blog this morning on 11-11-11, I went upstairs to wash my coffee cup and get in my hiking clothes for a new hike we had set out to explore today. Well, as I was drying my cup and facing the forest I could see movement from the kitchen through the living room window. I was ecstatic when I realized it was a deer, as we haven’t seen any deer for the year we’ve lived here, although many live in the forest surrounding us. We have seen coyote wander behind our deck and countless little woodland creatures including rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, mice, hawks, raven, and an array of smaller bird varieties, but we had yet to see deer and bears like we saw at our previous condo home.
I ran to the window with excitement and what do my eyes see? Not one, but three deer all munching away on some bushes. Two of them were more camouflaged in the bushes and harder to catch on camera, as I did not want to open the door and scare them off.
They slowly made their way left just outside the fenced area of our side yard and so I, too, went to the side window. One was ahead of the others and she somehow knew I was there above and stopped to stare directly up and at me for a good minute.
Then the others came to join her and suddenly I discovered there were four, not three!
I watched them for a while until they made their way across the street, but knew this was no accident their showing up on 11-11-11 for the very first time since we’ve lived here – well, at least in a way of making themselves known to us that is, as I’m sure they wander through when we’re not looking – and right after I posted this blog. The photos have a glare from the sun reflecting, but make for interesting photos at this angle when the four of them showed up, creating almost windows and doorways – portals – amidst the forest.
I got chills because, like another incident I had in Montana’s Glacier National Park, when two ethereal, Pleiadean deer showed up on the path in front of me this, too, was not simply an encounter of the Earthly kind.
The one who looked me dead in the eye, through my heart and spirit felt to be an emanation of my dear Nestor (rabbit twin soul who transitioned), visiting along with Joy and Cosmo (my two partnered soul mate rabbits), and Gaia – my Russian Tortoise.
I understood their presence as a nudge of love and confirmation and their ability to come through the Forest Portal we live at was supported by this 11-11-11 gateway.
Deer have such a gentle grace about them and symbolize a magickal ability to regenerate and be in touch with life’s mysteries – not to mention are all about the heart energy.
After, we did go on a new hike to what is known as Crater Lake – a desolate, steep, off-the-beaten-track hike that few people explore and on this day we were the only ones out there ascending up the mountain overlooking dramatic Hope Valley.
We happened to take a break under a gorgeous Juniper tree overlooking a frozen-over creek and when I looked at the time it said 11:11! Around our feet were juniper berries with a small glistening quartz in the middle of them right where I stood.
We continued and came to the opening saddle where the lake lies between two peeks.
The lake has a very other-planet kind of feel the way it sits in the crater surrounded by steep rocky escarpments and because of its eastern exposure gets only cool morning sun, which has it covered in sheets of ice and the waterfall above turned to ice as well.
It was a little piece of private cosmic Earth and we felt as if we’d entered a timeline vortex. (This being accentuated by two tree branches on the way back down along the trail whose arms held out in each, a different men’s long sleeved shirt. Both of which we did not see on the way up).
We also found deer tracks! They were moving across the trail, but we had not seen them going up either. Something was afoot and the deer were making themselves known.
Above the lake is a rock field of what appears to be beautifully colorful slate. I made my way around a small cluster of three trees sitting atop the stones, and over a very Faery little world of a different smooth stone covered in moss, to catch the above photo of the lake and it’s there that I found an unusual stone that has a quartz matrix growing in it and these pockets of rainbow sheen with sparkle I discovered later, as well as what appears like fossilized lichen. It’s otherworldly really and I was told to take it home, as it would assist with the next leg of the journey and be a portal access when needed. I couldn’t capture any of the detail mentioned, but this still gives you a feel for its energy.
The rest of the day was sprinkled with alignments including such things as sitting down for lunch at 1:11 and finding exactly the perfect pair of ski boots at Goodwill that I needed to replace my too small boots that hurt my feet that I fractured and since have healed, at 1/4 – 1/5 the cost. These boots were in nearly perfect condition, exactly the 2 sizes larger I wanted, and the same style and brand I currently have. We also found two white candelabra we had just the night before talked about wanting while we prepped for a dinner party we hosted.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to share what unfolded after.
Did anyone else experience interesting little winks, messages, and magickal appearances?
Something that I often hear from people is that they feel they need to be doing something more, they are in constant search for the “bigger” service they are “supposed” to be doing, and they seek these answers in all the outside ways they possibly can, awaiting to be told the magick answer and/or to arrive at some glorified outcome.
There is this heavy self-judgment these people carry of feeling they are not doing and giving enough, sometimes self-sabotage in not recognizing what is already before them, and lack of gratitude and enriching satisfaction that isn’t being realized, which comes from the journey itself…not the arrival.
The mind throws these thoughts at you of not being “there” yet – where ever “there” is – and so it creates all of these false pretenses and illusory time constraints that create anxiety and throw you off balance, resulting in missing out on the here and now.
And in the midst of it all, they deny themselves of receiving, which is where more giving is able to come in. They are also in this constant working “at” it phase, rather than focusing on remembering the connection within to Source is always present.
Yes, you may be what is known as a “lightworker” and yet there are so many attachments to definitions of what that means and how you must appear or live up to that role and mission.
Don’t allow this to become a deterrent, obstruction, or disruption to your life. Relax into the perfection of where you are in this moment and start to shift your perception to embrace a wider picture of how you ARE already being of service, giving so much, and living out the current role of that along your journey.
There is this tendency to idealize only certain roles, positions, and “work” as being of service in this “lightworker” way.
There is the tendency to play the part, but not actually “be” the part, in order to try to “look” like you’ve arrived somewhere that doesn’t even necessarily exist.
There is the tendency to have envy towards others in roles you feel equate to these definitions, and to deny yourself and others any worthiness of the roles you uniquely have that play out in different ways.
There’s a tendency to negate all of the ways you already ARE sharing your gifts with the world.
And there’s the tendency to jump quickly into something before you are ready, to fulfill these “needs” and then wonder why nothing feels different, why nothing is happening/manifesting, or why you have the same, if not more challenging things to manage because you jumped too soon.
Service is a word that is deeply misunderstood, I believe. Especially when it comes to the realm of “lightworkers” because there’s a tendency to glamorize it into a certain category, which is idealized in New Age communities of thought. And then, people throw everything to the wind and begin to judge themselves, their lives, and each other, for not living up to these “ideals”. Not to mention, immediately want to run to create this “service idea” into a business model.
I often hear people saying, “I want so much to be of service to everyone, the world, and I have so many gifts to offer.” Then they either set out on a quest to find the answers to what they need to be doing to fulfill this mission and/or start prematurely diving into creating a whole business plan and business cards to start passing out.
That may work in some cases where people have been consistently doing the work, but to truly be of service, it is something you embody, rather than a role you play and it can evolve, but likely is already taking place exactly where you are right now. And once you start viewing your life in any role you are in, as being of service, then things will naturally evolve into the next phase of the journey rather than forcing yourself into wearing a costume that simply won’t feel natural to yourself and to the people you are trying to be of service to.
You can be of service as a cashier at the grocery store, as a good neighbor, a mother, father, sister, or brother, as a sales rep, co-worker, librarian, best friend, or a hermit living in a cabin off in the woods….It’s about how you interact with life and every living embodiment of consciousness that shares this experience with you – human, animal, plant, mineral….
We’ve spoken of ego before, but there is also spiritual ego that is quite prevalent even when we think we’ve moved beyond all of that and are now in our “service” roles. Spiritual ego plays out in many ways, which includes the “I want to be of service” and rushes into all of the business planning to start creating the role for that to play out in. Yet, if you initiate this too soon, you may find yourself rushed into something that you either are not ready for, or find that you don’t attract any responses from.
It’s not something to judge, if in fact this has happened, as it’s a gift and message that is helping you in not doing something prematurely. Remember, anything you have within you that isn’t yet integrated, is exactly what you will attract in the clients and people who come to you for work.
Life saves you FROM things you’re not prepared for, or will SHOW you exactly what you’re not prepared for. There’s no need to force things and try to prove something because when you step out of alignment with your natural timing, you’re going to experience things to teach you so that you can get back into alignment.
That’s not to say that there aren’t times perhaps that you hold yourself back and can step up things in terms of more responsibility. It’s merely to say that if you are consistently operating from embracing gratitude for being of service at all times in your life, regardless of what role your work takes on, then things will seamlessly shift and there will be no separation between your work and your personal and every day life.
What’s most important is to live your life CONSISTENTLY with undefined love and compassion, honor, accountability, humility, and service. And that involves how you relate with, speak to, greet, and interact with every single person in every situation along the course of your day, every day – always seeing them through eyes that recognize their reflection of yourself and all of humanity and how they, too, have their own journeys and challenges that are within your potential to energetically shift in that split moment of interaction, both for yourself and them.
If you truly want to be of service and live a life of service, you have that ability and opportunity right now by living this, without need for a business model. Although your work may naturally take that form at some point, or evolve even from the work you currently are doing in this vein. Again, your life and work need not be separate or judged as lesser or greater than.
This is part of the reason I’ve shared with people that ask me if I have a meditational practice, that my life is a walking meditation. I simply don’t see the separation anymore. Everything is an extension of who I am in the moment. And although I’ve taken steps and created processes to get to this more seamless experience, after a while, it becomes natural and without need for deliberate separateness. No part of life is different than any other, if you are embodying and being.
Whatever job you currently have (especially a non-spiritual one) is an opportunity to be of service to the people around you and that you interact with through it. And in fact, it may actually be the most enriching way to learn to be of service, as you are being prompted by a variety of situations that likely trigger you in challenging ways, and those challenges are the perfect training ground to truly be loving, to demonstrate listening integrity, and learn humility.
Challenges are not to be avoided, but to be transmuted.
When you live in service to everyone, no matter what “job” you have, you will naturally attract people who seek your gifts through the genuine encounters you have daily. And that happens without need for a business model, as things will naturally evolve from there.
Chasing after or forcing anything is a clear indication that it either isn’t the thing for you, or you’re out of alignment and the timing is off. When you are in your natural frequency of emanating and embodying the qualities of service, that come from an authentic place of being loving from the inside out, you will draw to you, your vibrational matches.
Life becomes that of living in anonymity and without thought of what you think all these ideals need to look like. You relax into your life and recognize all of it as valuable and integral.
Life becomes abundant because you release attachments to what abundance is supposed to be, and you learn to serve the world through your natural expression, rather than aspiring to serve the world by some definition of that.
And even if you spend a lot of time alone, you are still being of service, as the person you are serving right now, is you. And, by embodying that example, you are vibrationally reaching the collective.
With perspective shifts, your whole life shifts, and you live with more deliberate knowing and enrichment, which then will evolve seamlessly, consistently, and divinely.