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Things You Don’t Know About Me ~ Finding Purpose in Being


I mentioned to my Facebook friends who were interested that I would share a bit about my journey around purpose and the way that’s evolved through the various forms of work I’ve explored. Like many of you who feel confused or even tormented by this idea of purpose and life path, or who have been searching endlessly to find that cosmic answer that hits you over the head with clarity, I’ve been right there with you in what seemed like endless cycles of searching. But searching keeps us wanting more, whereas presence and listening will bring us home.

The concept of life purpose is a tricky one, as I do believe we each have something unique and perhaps key to our evolution that we choose to come into form to express and further our creative evolution. However, I feel that this dimension can tweak things in a way that makes us want to finite how that expression could be experienced, since we live in a way that wants definitive answers and ultimate results. Beyond this realm we simply have an essence that propels us and here that turns into a drive.

Perhaps that drive plays into some of why we feel confusion, as we try to squeeze our uniqueness into categories, funnel what could be flowing and amorphous, and then condition one another to do the same once that becomes a collective agreement as to the way things should be done. We buy into what success means and ultimately what that needs to look like. We even buy into what happiness is and disregard what makes US feel good.

The concept of life purpose and all the hype around it is a culprit to this in saying that you have this one absolute mission and you must hone in on that now, although I’m not knocking any of the support out there in wanting to help with this. I think explorations into your feelings, passions, unhealthy patterns, and things that make you tick are very helpful, but to limit all of that into a specific feels counterproductive to creative life force energy that looks for any channel of expression. It simply wants out. Doesn’t care how, but if it doesn’t get out that’s where we create challenges.

There doesn’t feel to be one answer in how you live who you are. How incredibly limiting to a limitless being that would be if you had only one choice and then were made to feel wrong or guilty if you don’t do it right. Where’s the purpose in that? We forget our song when we come into birth, so each little tickle to your heart is a way of remembering.

Purpose feels to be about what moves you and what you do that gives your life meaning, value, and enrichment to yourself and others. It’s about how you spend your time well, what feeds you, and feels important. And this can take varying forms of applying the unique gifts and qualities you have in perhaps one, but likely several varying ways that provide these things. And these can evolve over time along with you. It can be through an actual job/work, in your family and personal life, through volunteer work, passions and side projects, or all of these.

It can be how you do you as well as you can in every waking moment of life and in every encounter, experience, choice, action, expression, and connection you make.

Look at what you’re willing to put in as effort, as everything will take effort of some sort no matter if you love it or not. To say your purpose just happens is false. You have to make the choice and follow through. Although when you align yourself with what naturally feels good, it is easier since you aren’t using energy to balance out things. Yet, every day and moment is a choice and while alignment does create greater flow and opportunities, you still have to take action or do the work. Purpose doesn’t hand things on a silver platter. It’s rising to the occasion of what calls to you.

If painting calls to you, you still have to paint.

If making music calls, you still have to practice your instrument, write the music, and perform.

If it’s writing, well you have to write.

If it’s being a doctor, you’ll still have to get your degree and show up every day at your best.

If it’s being a receptionist, you’ll have to take that job interview and express your personality and social skills with every person you interface with.

If it’s being a mom or dad, you still have to show up and be ready to challenge yourself to love more unconditionally each day.

And guess what? You might do all of these, but you’ll still have to create the time, commit to each expression, and choose to be present with how they all want to channel through you in your own unique way. That’s the beauty of it. You can find your own way of satisfying how you spend your time well – your purpose.

If you look at the things that come naturally to you, that make you smile in your heart, feel good, and are what you loved as a child, let that be your gauge and guiding force without trying to figure out how that needs to look or compare it to what everyone else around you is doing or how they are labeling things, not pressure yourself to hurry up or belittle yourself that you’re so far behind and should be further by now. According to what? That’s an answer you give yourself if you aren’t being present with each moment.

You have to be willing to be more vulnerable and not care what others think, pay attention to the times you get lost in something and lose track of time – which indicates being in the zone, ask yourself what you’re passionate about and how in any way that is part of your life or can be incorporated – not only as a “job” – and then understand that action creates momentum and fuels passion.

That all said, it’s not necessarily that the job you’re doing is wrong, but perhaps it’s an unhealthy work environment, or your approach, judgments, and process of handling it aren’t healthy, you’re out of alignment with your perspective and response to things, your life isn’t balanced so triggers are being created, you aren’t embracing and being grateful for the aspects of the work you do that you shine in and enjoy, you aren’t engaging your passions in some way, which would then make your life more meaningful and fulfilling no matter where you find yourself.

Chances are, what ever work you’re currently doing, you do have a propensity for it and skills, or there are elements to it that you truly do enjoy and shine in. Perhaps it’s the part of you that knows how to motivate a team towards goals, your ability to listen and problem solve, a joy for numbers and details, you’re a great organizer, an awesome leader, have exceptional customer service skills, love interfacing with people, really enjoy the innovative aspects you get to incorporate in idea exploration, you’re incredible with your hands, love building things, are amazing at comforting others, etc.

So, yes, not all of your job might be fun, but those parts are where you excel and get lost. Focus there. And if you need to express other gifts and passions, see how either you can incorporate them or are overlooking them, or can do them in another way in your life. I guarantee when you do these things you will be in the flow and more choices will show up and you’ll know exactly what to choose or do next because you aren’t waiting to have that one thing happen to you. You are engaging your essence now and that creates alignment in any situation you’re in or for new ones to present themselves in form or idea to take action on next. It’s a step-by-step process, but can be fulfilling in each moment if you are being present and creating a balanced way of approaching and expressing your life.

Be mindful if you’re in an unhealthy situation, but weed out everything before saying you’re simply not doing your purpose. There’s likely a lot you’re overlooking because you’e caught up in an idea and also being bombarded by confusing signals you haven’t taken reign of yet. There may be skills you can utilize to make it better or right. You may need to just respect yourself more or stand up to something. You maybe just need to switch companies, rather than the job itself. In some cases you might want to shift gears of how you express that gift and go a completely different direction, but in the meantime, make the most of what you have, as you don’t have to suffer while making that shift. And if you take the actions within your job now, you’ll find how that creates opportunities and openings, not to mention greater peace and fulfillment immediately.

Recently I was triggered to review all the different things I’ve done and explored on my journey of work/life path that a lot of people don’t realize I’ve done, as they only see me now. This is likely the case for many of you and this is what prompted sharing a more revealing insight on my journey, including that spectrum I went through and what I’ve discovered about purpose and alignment for myself, which could be helpful in some way for you.

I thought I would list out everything that I could remember having explored, placing them in categories so that not only would you see what I actually did, but seriously took steps toward and spent time feeling out. All of this was in effort to “find myself” and my “purpose.” I likely at the time appeared to be scattered, fickle, non-committal, foolish, or even crazy. Yet, it’s in the journey of all of this that I’ve been able to finally find peace and see it from a bigger picture perspective I couldn’t see then while caught up in it all.

And while some of these things will seem so opposite or odd in terms of what I do now, I can say with all honesty that any of these things could easily have been continued, if I knew then, what I know now, as each of them DID in fact express some of the gifts and things I enjoyed and excelled in. Some, even, were already tapping into my North Node in Capricorn, which is a focus now for me, as our North Nodes do speak to that infamous “life purpose.” In fact, I was on that path immediately when I was a junior in high school getting accepted already into FIDM with this drive of wanting to get on with life already and out of school because I had a vision of my career. Choices, however, created a detour to unfold each petal for greater understanding of this whole picture playing out.

It was all a journey of learning, but truly the reasons at the heart of why I left these positions or didn’t pursue them was because of my unhealthy approach to the jobs – as in I didn’t have balance in my life and was an extremist at the time so I overworked myself to the point of burn out and didn’t have boundaries resulting in affecting my health and well being. I didn’t know how to speak up for myself, I was afraid to make the wrong decision in terms of choosing the wrong life path (not understanding how a choice simply would lead to more choices just on a different trajectory), I was put off by the processes and commitment I had to make to it, I hadn’t worked through some of my fears and didn’t see these as opportunities at the time like I did later, and the list goes on.

Yet ALL of these things I DID enjoy on some level when I allowed myself to just be in that moment of the aspects that I got lost in and made me shine.

Here is the list I came up with.

Jobs I Had:

  • Hostess at a Restaurant – twice (First at Olive Garden when I was 16 and later at Il Fornaio becoming a lead hostess)
  • Claims Processor & Promoted to Small Claims Medical Examiner – Worker’s Compensation Insurance
  • Loss Control Secretary – Overseeing 5 Field Reps in Worker’s Compensation Insurance (Different company than above jobs)
  • Makeup Artist – Department store makeup lines
  • Receptionist/Secretary/Personal Assistant/Asst. Office Manager – Investment Firm
  • Custom Art Business – Paintings/Murals/Logos/Faux Painting/Art & Writing for a start-up Children’s Show (my first entrepreneurial business)
  • Modeling/Extra Work – Fashion shows/Promo Modeling/Ads/Videos/Dance Shows – here’s my blog post on that: Discovering My “Harmony Zone” of Health & Vitality
  • Photographer’s Assistant – Worked with a school photographer setting up equipment, the space & handling/organizing kids Kindergarten – High School
  • Reiki Master Teacher – Offered sessions & training
  • Tarot & Animal Readings
  • Author – Wrote & self-published a book – working on a second
  • Sacred Tattoo Designer
  • Artist – Custom and original work
  • Crystal Jewelry & Healing Tools Creator
  • Retreat Leader
  • Workshop Teacher
  • Sound Healer
  • Procured & Sold Crystals
  • Intuitive Guidance Coach
  • Currently manage rental properties

Degrees/Training/Certifications I Got:

  • AA in Merchandise Marketing
  • Medical Billing Certification
  • Makeup Artist Certification
  • Acting Classes
  • Reiki Master Teacher Certification
  • Metaphysical Training

Promotions/Job Offers/Opportunities I Rejected After Interviewing For:

  • Claims Examiner – Worker’s Compensation Insurance
  • Jewelry Designer for a Jewelry Shop
  • Flight Attendant School
  • Jobs in Women’s Retail Clothing
  • Art Teacher through an Art School

Paths I Seriously Considered/Took Steps Toward/Spent Time Exploring & Feeling Into:

  • Fashion Designer – was my first passion before I settled on Merchandise Marketing
  • Buyer for Department Store/Fashion Coordinator
  • Personal Trainer
  • Horse Assistant at Ranch
  • Custom Meal Service/Catering
  • Cleaning Business
  • Personal Assistant
  • Retreat Center – Almost bought land & started
  • Animal Acupuncturist – Specializing in rabbits

Volunteer Work:

  • Rabbit Rescue

I’m not sure if I’m missing anything else, but I think this gives you enough of an idea of how varied and extensive my explorations were and how much I was searching for things right under my nose. In some way, I utilize all of these skills and gifts still to this day in my work and personal life. They just have translated differently based on the new choices I’m making and aligning with in each moment.

Again, truly any of these things, if approached with a healthy perspective, could have been more than what they turned out to be. And yet, they still all DID help me to learn about myself and the things I enjoyed and excelled in.

It’s only now that I have learned about and created balance in my life, that I can see it all for what it is and understand how each piece spoke to a part of me and can even be traced to my Astrological placements and the skills I came into this life with that can be utilized in productive or nonproductive ways depending on my perspective.

There is opportunity in every moment to be living your “purpose.” It’s up to you how you choose to express that, but know that in fact there is no one right way.

At the end of the day or the end of your life, the question to ask yourself is, did I live my life well?

How Do You Define Success?


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Do you find yourself always in pursuit of striving to ascend into what society or others have conditioned you to believe success “should” look and feel like?

To me, peace and passion is the essence of success.

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If I am embodying and living those qualities and they run vigorously through my veins in any given situation and moment, then my life is in harmonious flow and I feel I’m living in alignment.

Alignment is the new “success”.

Deepening Into Passionate Embodiment


20160419_163231_resized.jpg“Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age.” ~James Joyce

I’ve chosen a colorful and boldly lived life that I experience with both soft footsteps upon the Earth and loud expressions of individuality and purposefulness.

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And while I’ve made choices not everyone would, or that others might judge, they all have meaning I’ve both grown from and reflected truth mirrors for others to choose from.

“A man (or woman) of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.” ~James Joyce

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This journey we are on right now exploring in our Magick Bus RV is most reflective of the Cosmic pilgrim that I am and provides me the most resonant experiences that supports my path currently – one that both simultaneously is individual and collective, despite what it may seem.

All paths in life that we choose can only fully be understood by the one taking that journey, as no one can walk in your shoes, nor do they come from the same perspectives of life to concur with how you believe and know it to be.

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There is nothing to prove, nothing to defend, and nothing you need to feel guilty about.

To live boldy with passion is your soul’s whispering request, as it is why Spirit has so boldly manifested in a form that can sensually express and experience it as so.

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Sometimes that boldness is soft wafting trails that leave behind the aroma of your soul for others to catch wind of.

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Sometimes that boldness is dramatic cliff leaping that inspires others to jump onto their own magick carpets awaiting them on the other side.

Either way, and likely both ways, life will be enriched and enriching when lived from passion.

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Whether that reflects as one particular passion that moves you, several, or simply all of life intended to be experienced as a flower’s desire to reach for and open to the warmth and glory of the Sun, doesn’t matter.

Life lived with soul passion to express your individual tendril of the Cosmic Tree of Life will lead you through portals of experience like no other.

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When you seethe with passion, even just being will have a profound effect on everything around you.

The act of deepening into Being IS passionate embodiment.

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And when one is passionately embodied, all things are possible, all doors open, and so much passion reveals itself in the life reality all around you that you’re creating.

 

The images shared throughout this post are from yesterday’s exploration along the trail to Delicate Arch – the best known arch in the world.

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This rugged and steep trail starts at Wolfe Ranch, takes you past the old, pioneer Wolfe homestead, Ute Indian petroglyphs, an overgrown streambed, throngs of juniper, a smaller arch, and slopes around the side of a sandstone fin to come to the dramatic vista of Delicate Arch.

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Along the way lizard, raven, desert blossoms, and an amazing garden of colored, crystallized rocks greeted us.

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My favorite spot was the small window arch that people passed by on the way to Delicate Arch.

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While everyone hung out there, I told Dave, “let’s go climb up and sit in the window…I have a feeling there’s a view from there and we’ll be alone.”

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And so it was.

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I loved this spot….can you tell?

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Deepening into passionate embodiment and Being, as I laid in the window arch overlooking Delicate Arch vista.

Dreaming a new reality into creation.

 

In Giving Outward Expression to Our Passions We Receive Our Fullness – A Recap of Creative Events This Week


laguna4bWow! It’s been such a whirlwind this last week and a half – one of potent and flowing creative life force energy from the passionate flame within.

It’s healthy to let it flow and how it wants to flow. It will sometimes come in large bursts or smaller daily ones, but always is enduring and awaiting us to unleash it.

The Universe IS creative energy and love. And since we ARE the Universe, so too are we always constantly cycling this energy through. We just seem to stop it now and then from doing what it is in its nature to do, and that is when we have challenges come up or it erupts seemingly out of no where.

Staying present and honoring the energy that IS, will always provide optimal results. And balance is key.

Some times I balance things within the same day in terms of the energy in and out (taking breaks recharging in nature or relaxing as I watch a good movie), and sometimes the way things go, the balance comes after a few days of outward flow, with receiving for a while directly after.

lagunaSince there is no time, and everything is just energy, it’s all about tapping into what the energy is presently wanting to do, realizing that when the energy has run its course, you’ll know what to do next because you are so in tune and listening.

Either way, I go with what feels natural to the energy, not what my mind says, and go where the energy is without forcing something. I have found that sometimes we can even force things that would “seem” really good for us in terms of “thinking” it out, but in reality, if we are in a flow that is natural, then it isn’t good to stop that flow mid-way to live up to some ideal.

bhakti12This was apparent this last week and a half for me while in creation mode. The first few days I was guided to spend time at sunset on the beach receiving, after my output. Then I had a few days of just output. After which, I then was receiving energetically from people I was coming in contact with in terms of what they were giving back in their experience of my work at the two creative arts events that took place Thursday and Saturday – Art Affair at Laguna Woods Village and A Night of Creative Compassion in Pasadena.

And of course, as I channel who I am naturally, that is a gift I am giving and receiving to myself as well. 🙂

bhakti2In between, I also gifted myself an entire full day off at Bhakti Fest, totally receiving so much good soul and heart nurturing of breath work, good food, new and old friends, light activation, shopping, drinking in the desert and community energy, and spiritual bliss from the soul enriching sacred mantras and music from Deva Premal, Miten, and Manose.

bhakti15It was interesting that it was the hottest it’s been all summer during this time period and for these events – so mirroring of the creative flame of energy. This added to the intensity of creation energy and so with the full cycle coming to close, I find myself now in full receiving mode to soak up some deserved stillness, which is where my energy is at in terms of its cycle. Having naturally expended my creative output, in rich fullness, it is now time to nurture and let things percolate, as a result of these experiences.

It’s all about a delicate balance and being ever-present with how the “natural” energy is channeling, which will go in different cycles, just as Nature does.

creative-compassion2bI know that the energy will always guide me in how to utilize it next, but for now I am allowing all of the experiences to integrate and enjoying the fullness of what it all is.

Living as a passionate being is who I am and truly is the heart of all of us. It’s our authentic innateness to express creative energy and love – the power of All That Is.

What is passion? It is surely the becoming of a person. ~John Boorman

“What we don’t realize is that passion is the muse of authenticity. It’s the primordial, pulsating energy that infuses all of life, the numinous presence made known with every beat of our hearts. Passion does not reveal herself only in clandestine, romantic, bodice-ripping cliches. Passion’s nature is also cloaked in the deep, subtle, quiet, and committed: nursing a baby, planting a rose garden, preparing a special meal, caring for a loved one who is ill, remembering a friend’s birthday, persevering in a dream. Every day offers us another opportunity to live passionate lives rather than passive ones, if we will bear witness to passion’s immutable presence in the prosaic. If we will stop denying ourselves pleasure. If, as James Joyce’s heroine Molly Bloom whispered, we can only learn to say ” … and yes I said yes I will Yes.”

Passion is holy – a profound Mystery that transcends and tranforms through rapture. We need to accept that a sacred fire burns within, whether we’re comfortable with this truth or not. Passion is part of Real Life’s package because we were created by Love, for Love, to Love. If we do not give outward expression to our passions, we will experience self-immolation – the spontaneous combustion of our souls.”

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

cc8Each event, the last few days, has been uniquely rich and it is the personal relating and connections that mean the most to me. I have met some amazing souls and we have exchanged beautiful moments of mutual honoring and sharing. I have always enjoyed sharing my art work in person, as I feel it really is an “experience”. I find that just sharing the paintings with people is what shifts experiences for others on energetic levels. If someone chooses to take a piece home, they will continue to work with that energy and, as with crystals, they become the keepers of these energetic portals. And for the people who simply see it and spend time receiving in person, they receive just the perfect amount of what they need.

cc10I love to observe and experience my art through the eyes of others and am so grateful to be able to share in this way that is one of my passions. It means so much to me to listen to how a piece has moved someone, as when I am creating, I am in the vortex of creation and don’t know the totality of what is being created until I see it at work with others.

To me, this is priceless. And so, since I don’t do art shows and exhibits that often, only choosing to do ones that are for causes close to my heart, it truly is a gift when I do, as it reminds me of the full circle of why it is so important to follow our passions and support creative energy. It is bigger than us and yet we are integral to that.

Most of the time, exhibits and shows are about allowing that in-person experience to take place, and not really about if anyone takes something home. It is also a chance for the circle of energetic exchange to take place, even if that is through appreciation for my art, as it is just as important to receive as it is to give.

creative-compassion1And that is why I also love to donate pieces, like at last night’s event. Not only did I get to help raise money in support of the animals at Farm Sanctuary and see people who really loved certain pieces of my work get to take them home rather than have them sit in storage, but in the process I also had the opportunity to allow the door to receiving, open, and to welcome the appreciation, knowing the circle is complete.

I am grateful for all the beautiful experiences the last few days with all of the beautiful souls, for seeing the Source of channeled expression through the eyes of others beholding my creations, for the gifts I have received from the gifts of others, for all the devotion and labor of love people put into each event, for the opportunity to be a part of community and co-creation, and for this human embodiment that allows me to continuously immerse in passionate and sensual experiences of the Divine in manifestation.

I’ve included images of my experiences to share with you from the three events I enjoyed the last few days. Perhaps you can feel the high vibes through the photo journey. laguna2bhakti10cc3bhaktibhakti17bhakti25creative compassioncc5cc4cc9laguna5

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