There’s been quite a lot of interesting, strange, expansive, and potent energy and experiences in the last few weeks that feel to indicate an initiation into a whole new arena of life. Of course, the collective is sharing a wild ride of swift and unknown changes as well. So, the two are definitely mirroring one another – individual and collective, that is.
Some very rare physical encounters have been taking place for me, which have involved the avian clan of spirit messengers. I always have a lot of bird energy around me and find feathers literally every time I’m outdoors hiking. Some special feathers have been part of that mix, including a variety of owl, hawk, osprey, sooty grouse, wild turkey, pheasant, and most recently, bald eagle for the first time. But actual physical encounters add an extra powerful punch since some of these birds are quite rare to see in the wild unless divinely in alignment.
However, as I shared in a recent post, last week great horned owl made a very prominent and deliberate appearance while we ventured through her slot canyon lair with feathers arriving in conjunction with her grand entrance. This took place the day after burrowing owl showed up for us, which I haven’t seen since being in the Galapagos Islands several years back, synchronously as we had just been talking about dreams of a potential future revisit to these special islands.
And just recently I found my first bald eagle feather, but we hadn’t actually seen one in maybe a year. That dry run came to an end on Wednesday the fourth when one made another deliberate appearance for us and my parents, whom we were taking on a walk by the river. You can see him captured here in the photo and video.
We also had just seen osprey the day after great horned owl and yesterday a most gorgeous, giant hawk (largest I’ve seen in some time) made a deliberate glide across the front of our car as we were driving to a hike, and came to rest on a light post to stop and make visual contact. Interestingly, the eagle seemed to do the same, as after he flew overhead he came to rest on the tree you see him in and waited for us all to get under that tree to have a little eye-to-eye before flying off again. Since Dave had missed seeing him fly and couldn’t make him out, this pause the eagle did, ensured very clear sight of him once we reached where he was. No one was to meant to miss him.
Although back in Costa Mesa I’ve seen great horned owl in the physical, when no one else had, sitting on the roof of a house in the distance, a barn owl that flew across my windshield while on the freeway, and bald and golden eagles in extremely rare moments since 2006 living in Tahoe and on our Alaska trip, these new encounters have been bunched up all at once – one after the other – and accompany energies that feel vastly different.
Being that these are all very large and rarely seen birds – at least for us here – and their symbolism is quite powerful and filled with insightful wisdom and higher consciousness and cosmic connection, they feel significant to the shifting path ahead. I thought it also quite interesting to see bald eagle right after election day, continuing to unfold its direction.
But alongside the actual birds and feathers, there have been other mystical wing encounters.
I found an actual small bird’s wing feather on a hike this last weekend. This, on a day that was quite still and calm, followed by several days of extreme calm, nearly no wind, placid water on every lake we hiked by, and a loud stillness in the air. Similar to the calm before a storm, which in fact literally is happening here as we today had our first rain in a while and winds that are preparing for our first snow storm on the way this weekend.
The timing of everything is always fascinating.
Another incredulous “mystical wing” encounter, took place on Saturday’s Halloween/Samhain Full Blue Moon. While we were sitting by the river enjoying a distanced picnic lunch, I suddenly felt a sharp pain on my left elbow.
I immediately brushed at it, feeling some kind of creature, and then looked at my elbow to find an odd stinger in it that looked three-pronged. It hurt and burned a lot and I had Dave immediately yank out the stinger.
No one saw what it was except one friend who said, “I saw something with very large wings, but couldn’t make it out.”
I’ve never “randomly” been stung like that on purpose. Only two times in my life did I get stung, but they were my own unfortunate doing. Each of those were from bees. Once when I was a little girl and stepped on one on the grass by accident. And once, incidentally, when I sat on a bee on the seat of the boat we were on in the Galapagos Islands. Each time giving me crazy skin reactions lasting a long time. I was actually told when I was a child that the only thing I was allergic to was bee stings, so this made sense.
But my skin reacts hugely from stings or bug bites of any kind. Luckily I’m not allergic in terms of getting anaphylactic shock, serious illness or sick feelings, etc., but my body goes on major localized attack of anything foreign introduced.
So, the sting burned and hurt quite a bit and in the days to follow it swelled like a small tumor, hurt like a bad bruise to the touch, and got very red and itchy. It’s currently just a bit blotchy red and itchy, but is healing.
The strangeness though is the auspicious timing/day of the incident and that no one can identify what got me. It wasn’t a bee, nor a wasp or yellow jacket – neither of these fit the large winged description nor do any of them leave a stinger, let alone a three pronged stinger. Our friend that got a glimpse said the only thing he could find online to somewhat mirror it was an Asian Giant Hornet. That’s highly unlikely, but apparently even hornets don’t leave stingers.
Something that large is nothing we’ve ever seen around here, but otherwordly visitors coming through dimensions is a whole other thing. 😉
I’m convinced it was a cosmic faery initiation that came through the thin veils that day to activate a new crossroads. Even my faery sister, Laura, reiterated the same sense when we were talking about it and our shared bee allergies.
The potent Full Blue Moon Samhain zap seems to indicate big shifts and combined with the rare, powerful avian sightings, I’m curious to see what’s in motion.
“The elbow represents the capacity for radical change in direction in what we do in our lives regarding our own path, our goals. It represents a professional change or one that concerns our objectives.” https://www.flowsandforms.com/elbow/
And, since elbows also symbolize our flexibility, there’s an increased focus on expanding that to incorporate even more possibility and an intention around changes involving freedom to act in accordance with our identity, drive, and dreams. The left elbow is also yin/feminine, so there’s a shift with all things of this essence taking place.
Synchronously during the time period of all of these experiences, I have actually been reviewing and receiving a lot of inspired guidance and nudges. This led to a big redo of my office and shared Wonderland room with Astrid.
I’ve expanded and revamped my creation space with two side-by-side matching desks to have one elongated area to work. When I first got my desk it had arrived partially damaged, so the company ended up sending me another. That one also had partial damage and so they sent me a third. So I ended up with three for the price of one and with a little transfer of parts from one to another had two perfect desks out of it.
I had only ever had one in my office and the other we stored in the garage, but I got inspired to create an expansive and comfy work space that would be much more useful and inviting for my non-traditional ways of working. I also got rid of my desk chair and replaced it with my super cozy reading chair so that I now feel like work time is welcoming and supportive to my Pisces dreamy energy. It also puts in me in better view of seeing out to my garden.
I’ve never liked the office desk and chair concept, and throughout my school career always did my work, studying, and typing (on a type writer) of papers on my bed despite having a small desk in my room.
This new set up feels inspiring and with of course my decorative touches, it is more of an imaginarium space that happens to be work-friendly.
I am still in process of redecorating, but all the major clearing out/organizing is done and it feels good. What I love about it all is that not only is it so much more fun now to be there, but I feel this was necessary in order to do the next phase of my writing.
I hadn’t felt called to do what was next with my novel, but now this feels like the exact invitation and nurturing “someone” knew I needed, which also aligns with the energetics shifting. I’m glad I listened.
So, that’s one big change that took place and more are in process, as I’ve embraced nudges around doing work I previously felt complete with. In fact, next week I’ll likely have another update on some offerings upcoming because of this.
I also just did another big purge of clearing out things and am actually off to Goodwill as soon as this blog posts. And it looks also like another upcoming short get away is in order. It seems like a bunch of new energy activations are streaming through in overdrive.
In the midst of it all Astrid has been excited with all the changes too. She loves the new hidey space it created behind my reading chair, under the desk and the whole set up actually created more open space and an expansive look and feel to the whole room.
And speaking of Astrid, she also received her own “mystical winged” faery initiation, as you can see here.
These are photos of the night we returned home from our time away and I introduced Astrid to her very own faery bunny! The tag attached to her named her “Fiona,” but I’m sure Astrid will let me know if in fact that’s who this little one really is.
She took to her right away and gave her the usual enchanting with some energy-infused nose nudges.
No matter where I put her, Astrid was right by her side giving her magickal nose kisses.
She’s enjoying the new energy and is excited about the upgrades she’s also receiving alongside mom. This to include some brand new mats on the way for her sweet little feet and thumpers so she can lay cozy by mom through the colder seasons and have her feet cushioned with support where she likes to sit/lay most.
These new little islands of comfort and joy are like the new frontiers mom is also embarking on and together we’re excited for a very different winter experience upcoming.
Even our recent hikes since we’ve returned home have all taken us to great climbing heights overlooking expansive, more secluded vistas and anchoring with the sacred stone outcroppings in each of the areas.
These vantage points have offered me a broader perspective and nurturing nudge to open and trust even wider, despite the strangeness I sense about.
The energetic landscape of the world is shifting greatly and has many unknowns, but our personal piece of the story can be a different kind of journey if we commit to the work.
Climbing a mountain is always filled with reflections of growth. And while the view may be incredible, it’s truly how we embrace the climb that makes the difference.
And although summit may seem like a natural end, peace comes when we embrace each part of the mountain as rich and treasure-filled.
There are layers of mountainous journeys to traverse, but remember that the journey is where we discover ourselves and learn to anchor amidst anything.
I’m seeing with new eyes and feeling into things with all parts of me. One thing I know is that only I can control how I feel, or what my experience of life is like, and I refuse to let anything or anyone have reign over that domain.
It didn’t always used to be that way, as I never had boundaries to my energetic world. I used to have trouble differentiating between what was mine and others’ and I was susceptible to persuasion and telepathic undernotes. Now, I’m on high alert and am always privy to what other’s are really up to and I keep a strong sense of self even though I have a strong sense of unity-loving connection.
I love how in the photo above you can actually subtly see the red site on my left elbow where the faery initiation zap of radical new change took place. This photo feels very symbolic of the new frontiers ahead, demonstrates connection, but with different vantage points of our experience of life, and anchors a joy and strength for the unknown journey.
This is the most strenuous hike we do around here because it steeply climbs 2000 feet in only two miles. We do it in only an hour, which is a big accomplishment for me.
This is the first time we’ve done it where the air was still without a breeze and the water below was equally mirroring.
In the stillness of presence there is much to receive.
I also love that my eyes are protected by the shade of my hand – creating shadow or diffusion of light in order to see.
Yes, we are capable of clarity and finding direction even amidst seeming darkness. In fact, sometimes going through caverns of experience can be necessary in order to understand with new wisdom and bring forth greater richness.
We are traveling new frontiers of experience together, step by step, and with trust we’ll find new wings to carry us further.
Magickal Update: Today, the day after posting this, the “mystical wings” theme and symbolism continued double fold with the finding of a bird’s wings. While hiking I found the wings with the feathers in separate, but connected pieces creating sections of the wings and almost making each large wing look like many little wings. The photo above is of the gathered wings in my large vest pocket. I like to honor the energy of each being and message in special ways. The large feather in front is a separate feather I found on its own – feels like goose – along with a beautiful, tiny spotted mystery feather. They’re pictured below.
At the start of this week I focused on printing and sending out all of the Reiki Level 1 certificates to the group that completed their training this past weekend. Even just that process was a big energy shift on top of all the Reiki flowing through the hours of teaching and attuning the last two weekends. It’s equally transformative and recalibrating for the teacher, as it is the students that are receiving, so I’m definitely experiencing my own activation and inner triggers for reflection.
For this reason, and both because I don’t write blogs as often as I used to AND I feel that others are going through a variety of changes right now in more significant and likely conscious ways than they have in the past, I’m sharing a longer post today. It’s a way to thread connection, too.
So, I noticed that as I sealed the envelopes and sent them out in the world it felt like sending out keys to new doorways of potential that feel to be gridding and lighting up more and more on the Earth. In their own way, they are seeding new openings to wider and innovative ways we can move forward for the greatest and highest good.
At least that was the intention I had, as I sent them out with love.
Since this unexpected teaching flow invited me to also expand wider and change the approaches I adapted until now, it ignited a whole level of reinvention on other layers as well. And it definitely amped up energies that have put into motion a domino-effect of shifts to explore.
In a nutshell, I’d say my experience is all about transitions and upgrades right now. And with all the collective change happening simultaneously, it feels aligned with acceleration at large, and needed.
So how are these shifts and upgrades translating for me?
I’ll share some of the ways I’m experiencing this, as a way of demonstrating the varied levels of life that can be affected in a naturally organic way – especially when embraced – as we go through life changes. This may also be helpful to any of my students that read this blog.
This concept of recalibrating, cleansing, upgrading, and realigning, etc. is something we discuss in training, and includes the possibilities of what that could look like.
However, even though I know this shift is getting an added boost from the Reiki teaching, I also feel it was on its way simply as a natural process of transitions – like Nature’s seasons are reflecting currently and even the upcoming Full Moon is heralding in, as it brings to full amplification and illumination the things in your life that no longer serve you.
I ended up having to upgrade to a new, larger, more powerful computer that Dave just helped set up for me (since I’m not a very tech savvy person) at the start of this new week. Interesting timing right after completion of training. Also interesting is that I always used to have very tiny laptops – like notebooks. Then after a series of those and crashing all of them, I adopted Dave’s older, bigger laptop. I’ve had that quite a while, but it finally was starting to poop out. So now I have an extremely heavy-duty, larger, powerhouse laptop that is all my own and can do likely more than I’ll ever need. But that creates space for growth and new because who knows what the future holds, right?
Likely the very near future few months may hold a new cell phone in store too. Mine seems fine, (even after falling into the water, as you may remember – going through its own rebirth), but we may be upgrading together to a different carrier for several reasons and they likely will have different options of phones than this one that goes with their plans. It’s not surprising to have all electronics go through upgrades with big changes so that what ever is coming will be supported.
Luckily, I must have my energy better harnessed or something, as I don’t seem to blowing out things anymore and do have miraculous fixes like the water dunking with no ill effect. One experience that comes to mind was when I taught a large group Reiki retreat in Laguna and my phone literally sizzled and gave me an electrical shock on the morning of Reiki Master Teacher training. That was a full three levels in one weekend teaching, so it wasn’t surprising really.
The more mild experiences I have now might also speak to the more balanced life I’ve created and make a priority, and how I’ve learned to channel my energy more effectively, as well as do a lot of grounding, exercise, and nature things, along with self-care and holding center amidst contrasting dynamics all around me.
I’ve also been in home improvement project mode, which actually started last Friday before classes with working on tile prep in our shower to get it ready for Dave to seal, caulk, and fix grouting. I found myself scrubbing away with great vigor and being that the shower and water energy coincides with Pisces – my native sign, but also the sign the upcoming Full Moon is in – it seems reflective of bringing up deep subconscious and clingy stuff to the surface to observe, integrate, and move out altogether.
Improvement projects continued Saturday after class with me spending a couple of hours in the garden sanding my garden bench and restaining it to prep it for the upcoming seasons. Again, another layering process in motion, much like the shedding of old skin.
The shower tiles and the bench getting a renewed layer by removing the old one, and in effect some of my layers are coming undone too.
And the projects have continued little by little for us to include some minor redecorating in my office (still underway, but soon to be complete) and a little in the master bedroom, outdoor clean-up and fixers with the yard, pine needle removal from the roof, refilling the jacuzzi with new water, and repairing some insulation under the house. We are thinking about some other changes we may make as well, so there’s again that cleansing and renewal energy in motion.
I’ve also been completing a round of side-work projects to free up my time, along with monthly record-keeping I do.
I’m also in clean out mode and getting donation bags ready again – a favorite thing of mine to do whenever I feel change is in the air.
The weekend of teaching saw me physically drop a little weight, as any old load was lightened. And, for the first time in a while I am getting the strong feeling of lightening things with my hair as well. Since the ends of the hair are the oldest parts, it can make sense why the literal cutting away can come at significant periods of change in our lives so that we’re letting go and dropping that time period or part of our life it represents.
I have mostly just been letting it do whatever it wants and so it just consistently grows longer. Yet, I’m sensing there may be a more significant change upcoming instead of just my four-inch trim I’ve been doing every six months or so. Perhaps a more significant new cut is in store? I’m waiting to see if this is in fact the route I’ll take, or if I’m just feeling so much change that it inspires a large gamut of ideas and inspiration to flood through. In some cases like that, I’ll wait a little to see what actually feels to be the new anchoring, or if in fact energy is simply moving and may bring up other things, so it’s not about settling on the first idea that comes through.
Other changes have included seeing the potential for new possibilities with a feeling of greater flexibility I’m opening to that I wouldn’t have before, and allowing exploration in order to find the highest path that aligns with now. I’m finding myself revisiting things from about four years ago and this includes a resurgence of ancient and cosmic timelines merging and choices that were made at that time. It has brought underlying a-ha empowering moments, alongside some sadness.
There’s also been an experience of simultaneous, parallel realities. One carries the strength for the other, while it simply goes forth to explore. One dips into realizing the new challenges ahead of the unknown and is processing the stages of how to get there. At times, already being where the challenges are integrated and yet aware of the journey to get there being a step at a time and that it will ebb and flow. Then moments of the ebbs and flows. 🙂
We’re also starting to make different plans for the upcoming seasons and looking at some travels with the animals to change up energies very soon.
So, yes, there’s a lot of energy transitions taking place – even more than I’m sharing here. These may give you an idea of how when we stay in observational mode and decide to be more conscious of the active role we can also have with changes, the more things become obvious as to the levels of transformation that are actually happening, and the easier they shift.
And speaking of Nature, it’s also interesting to observe how the changes we go through can also be reflected in things like seasonal shifts, the different animals that show up for us, the things that draw our attention when we are outdoors, the types of plants and flowers that speak to us, the weather patterns, and unusual sightings in general.
As I just wrote that, a squirrel got my attention outside who is laying in an unusual rounded-over ball on a limb of the tree outside my office. Looks as if he/she is resting, but then sat up, still maintaining that ball-shape – so much so, the little tummy appears as if pregnant with tail wrapped perfectly up and around the back in a half circle. There’s a feeling of this little one resting and reflecting/pregnant with ideas and energy – and as soon as I said that he/she moved quickly on to the next task, which currently includes rubbing the entire front of its body and belly in the cutest fashion, flat all over another limb, relishing in the feeling. 🙂
But this is just a direct reflection in the moment right now.
Others have included how the smoke from the California fires have been blowing in and out of the region here. At times feeling like a veil thickening and lifting, or a transitioning taking place of transmutation. Smoke in fact is the transition of matter into spirit.
Then there’s been the increase in sightings of garter snakes that either cross my path right in front of me or lay across the path I’m approaching. Sometimes they catch my attention from the corner of my eye, and Dave is amazed I even see them since they are camouflaged in the grass. So much snake energy speaks to that shedding of skin, as layers removing for renewal. Another one was on our path while hiking down to the lake a couple of days ago, as you can see here.
This same day I also found a sweet, little dead mouse laying to the side of the trail, which I stopped to bury.
About a week before this I found a dead bird. In both cases the body was fully in tact and didn’t appear to have injury. Perhaps death by natural causes, but interesting at this time period.
In general, seeing a dead animal can symbolize something coming to an end in our lives through a natural cycle – a major life transition from one thing to another. It can also herald the time for a new direction or choice. It’s not necessarily a literal death upcoming, although could be and is relative to the person seeing it.
Seeing a dead animal can be a message or reiteration that a door is, or needs to be, closing. It can also be a reflection of hope in times of challenge. And depending upon the qualities of the particular animal, this can signify the areas in your life that it is highlighting. For instance, mice tend to small and tedious little things and so this could indicate an end to minor issues no longer bothering you or not allowing fears getting in the way. Could be an end to any shyness or timidity, or perhaps resourcefulness no longer being a challenge.
It’s interesting that alongside seeing snakes a lot, we’ve been humanely trapping and releasing mice under the house quite a bit before fixing the insulation, and now I see the dead mouse. Mice in Ancient Greece were considered sacred because they are associated as food for snakes, which were sacred to the Greeks as holy healers.
One thing that jumps out at me about mice is this description of their symbolism from Avia Venefica, which I shared in my blog about the little mouse named Fiver that was so transformative for me.
“Our ancient ancestors observed their affinity for ground-burrowing, and likened this to mice being ‘one with the Mother’ (Mother Earth, that is). This ground-loving behavior was also seen as a connection to the Underworlds (or Otherworlds, depending upon your source of reference). This kind of connection makes the mouse a kind of mediator between physical life and recycling life (spirit energies in transition). This Earth and Underworld connection continues in western, medieval Europe, where folk superstitions tell of mice possessing the ability to carry souls of humans who have passed from this physical life.
There’s that reference again to energies in transition, similar to the smoke and the general theme I’ve been speaking about.
And this transition has been taking place in both the garden and the entire landscape here as I watch the end of Summer move into hints of Autumn vibes.
I am really enjoying the transitioning energy showing up in different waves of blossoming and shades of colors turning, fading and warming. Especially soul-enriching to me is all of the golden sage blossoms. It speaks to something soulful coming into glowing illumination.
On the same hike down to the lake where I saw the snake and the dead mouse, we enjoyed the beautiful meadows, pond, creek, and forests full of signs that Autumn is approaching.
And even my garden continues to transition, too, with sunflowers going through life cycles (nearly
half of the 30+ buds all in bloom), prolific wildflowers popping up with more on the way, plants both growing rapidly and coming to end, roses on their last leg of flowering, a last batch of mini
strawberries ripening for Astrid, and pollinators doing their thing to ensure next year’s growth, as
well as squirrels and chipmunks beginning to hide their Winter’s stash (in my garden). 😉
I have a really tall, wild thistle plant out front that is in full fuchsia bloom and starting to turn to puffs of white dandelion-like seeds, as their maturity is during late Summer to early Autumn.
With only a few last days of August remaining, we are approaching the upcoming Pisces Full Moon of the 1st/2nd of the month (depending on where you live) and Autumn Equinox on the 22nd.
September feels like it will be a quieter month for me, full of deep exploration, decisions, and a new layer of writing upcoming. It also happens to be Astrid’s birthday month, which I know she’s been prepping for and she has her regular vet check at the start of the month, too, for her to start afresh. I have an eye appointment at the end of the month to see if any prescription updating is in order, this may be the month for hair changes, and I’ll be planting daffodil and tulip bulbs for next year.
The Full Moon means that intuition will be on an all-time high, so listening to it and trusting it will be key to support moving into your true power. It will help you to gain deeper insights and understanding about the seeds you’ve been planting in your garden, the intentions you have for them, and will illuminate what truly is guiding your life so that you have a broader grasp on the creative forces at work and how to harness them.
Establishing and recognizing boundaries will be the theme for well-being and is a lesson for the boundless Pisces energy to understand how to balance in a healthy way.
This is a powerful time for deep soul level closure, to exercise greater compassion rather than judgment, and to practice radical acceptance, which helps you to release suffering. Suffering is a refusal to accept things. It’s time to give up the suffering, do an energy cleanse, and ask how you can make the changes, then engage action to do them.
All of this is speaking to a time of transition with our relationship to things in our life and perhaps creating some kind of ritual or acknowledgment around supporting what is time to release, so that we can more fully step into the life we want, and receive those upgrades.
There is so much beauty in all stages of life.
The shifting environment reflects the shifting within.
When the time comes for change, there are many ways in which we are messaged about how we can support that process to be easier, more efficient, graceful, and peaceful.
It doesn’t feel like the energy is anchoring yet, which makes sense given the transitional stage that even nature reflects.
Yet, we may see and feel the importance of which things speak most heart and soul-fully to us that would like to take root for the season ahead.
Today happens to be my dad’s 75th birthday – so a shout out to my dad with lots of love as I acknowledge how his birthday also signifies a huge shift and transition period in life.
I know as I edge toward 50 here not too far off, these 40’s have been the biggest shifts indeed.
See what someone can become – their wholeness of being, not solely what they appear to be.
See the magnificence of possibility in an individual. Then you can see what they are attached to as a current reality – their pain, their tragedies, their story of incompleteness.
By doing this you create the space between – an immeasurable void of enlightenment.
You see what is and what could be.
This place is the origin and return where the stars of the Cosmos are alive within.
When you meet someone in this void and infuse intent into the starry constellations of the heart center, a shift will occur and becoming is activated.
Stars move and form anew.
Love is the Bridge.
The Heart Chakra is where unconditional love resides. It is the balancing integrator of opposites (between body and spirit, male and female, persona and shadow, ego and unity) and acts as an energetic “bridge” between the lower and upper chakras.
Love is the most powerful energy in the Universe and is a vital energy to be focusing on every moment of every day, more so now than ever. Holding your hand over your heart with conscious connection, for even just minutes a day, can help you to stay present in your heart, help heal and open it to greater depths. It can help you to see with eyes of love and choose, respond, and act from love. Ask for help in doing so from your guides, angels, your Source connection and even ask your essence to be present in your higher heart always.
Wishing everyone a beautiful New Moon of sweet possibilities. I’m feeling like a cool breeze has blown in carrying with it a refreshed and inspired energy around this Gemini Moon, and as if a softer layer has been revealed under any resistance that might have been present. It’s perfect support for the current book cover painting commission I’m working on that is a portal of possibility itself.
I was never hugely drawn to pink, except for when I was a little girl and now that the little girl me is so much freer within my inner world, wearing pink feels nurturing. There’s an innocent little faery giggle I hear in pink that feels like a burst of sweet strawberry icing on the tongue or puffy cotton candy clouds dancing in a baby blue sky. Perhaps the shedding of more and more layers has uncovered a magnetism for it. Pink feels soft, vulnerable, innocent, sensitive, hopeful, romantic, calm and joyfully loving.
Softness, to me, being a message on a wider scale asking of us, where can we soften our inner dialogue, rigid perspectives, angry behaviors, harsh judgments of others or self, and our hardened shells we learned to erect for perceived, self preservation?
Protection can help nurture freedom, but can also restrict evolution. It’s not about having no boundaries, but the comfort in knowing you can energetically create these when needed as balance, and not simply out of constant separation, judgment, insecurity, and isolation projections.
Themes I keep sensing and are increasingly revving up for people include anxiety and stress at an all-time high, amplification of fears while illusion and escapism don a cloak of intuition that hides the reality of them, confusion as to how to navigate the deeper, darker depths in order to open the wisdom behind the fear doors that keep you away from yourself, and barriers to self knowing, love, and care because the conditioned cycles have been circling around for so long. It’s easy to get caught up in what’s going on outside and with trying to make everyone else change, but this is a futile mission without softening your own inner world around the ways you might resist change yourself.
There aren’t only contradictions in our outer world circulating, but also within us, which can torment us endlessly and war with each other to the detriment of own exhaustion. This New Moon window aids us in illuminating the possibility to see yourself more clearly. Gemini brings new perspectives so that misunderstandings can be brought to light.
Communication and perspective are highlighted now, which includes how you see things and communicate with yourself. An invitation to truth is a way to practice opening up to real conversations and discovering what you’re holding back or holding yourself back from. This is a great time to clear out the mental chatter, inner clutter and stories that are taking up time, energy, and space in your world.
Fear can hinder your expression, creativity, growth, and overall well-being and potential. A new approach to life constantly beckons us and doorways like this New Moon can support that if you’re willing.
Connection is also valuable right now and finding ways that suit you to feel more connected with others, All That Is, Nature, and yourself. Finding avenues that resonate for you and help cultivate this more are wonderful…writing, communicating, networking, reaching out, being in Nature, sharing your gifts…are forms of connecting.
Perhaps if you do too much technological connecting, then simpler ways might be a fresh start via communicating through your talents, immersing with Nature, using energy work or meditation. Or, if you’ve felt more isolated, maybe a technology upgrade to help you tune in with others or share your gifts on a larger scale might be activating.
It’s also a wonderful opportunity to recreate yourself…imagining a whole new you you’d like to express in the world. Here you can ask yourself how your life, actions, speech, and feelings align with your values. What message are you embodying and transmitting to the world? Are you consistent in what you believe, say, feel, and how you behave?
A lot of people tell me that they’ve done everything – positive thinking, self-healing, growth processes, and sometimes even exhausted medical help if they have a physical challenge….and are exhausted. Understandably they want so much to learn the lessons, feel better, and be done with things. They share that they want to feel whole and sense there must be more than meets the eye, as they simply can’t shift out and break free. I understand that frustration, having been there many times myself.
They ask me if there’s anything missing?
I don’t claim to know all of the why’s of their challenges, as there can be many levels to it to explore and uncover, but what I do find that can many times fundamentally be at the core is that sometimes people aren’t fully ready to embrace being freed or “healed” as they call it, as this would call for a whole new way of life, being, and responsibility.
The challenge seems to serve them in some way and there’s a part of them that is not really ready for what it means to not have the challenge anymore. It can be something very deep we hide from ourselves. So it becomes important to root out any thoughts and impressions, deep beliefs and feelings for why you may not feel “deserving” of this integration to take place. And perhaps even why you may be afraid of the “responsibility” that comes along with it.
Perhaps the very challenge is also what fuels the beauty of who you are and what you have to impart in service to others – in essence, it provides the “gusto” behind your message and dreams.
Sometimes we can’t see our wholeness that already IS within the experience we are having. That there is a perfection in the experience when we release it from definitions of life’s should’s and should not’s. We get in our own way when we think we know it all or have tried everything.
First off, this is not possible, as the universe is unlimited and it is self-deceptive to think you have explored all possibilities. You may have gone as far as your current perspectives are open to, but I assure you that they always have more room to expand…limitlessly in fact. And simply, too.
Sometimes it can be the smallest of tweaks that makes the difference, which comes at the right time and place for that click to put things into motion. There’s no time frame or right or wrong about this. It’s a journey and an experience of spirit in motion of being human.
If you find yourself hitting a wall, learn to love this wall, as it is there for a reason, take a break and allow your feelings and mind to refresh and let your subconscious percolate with the feelings and frustration for a while. When you separate from the need to have to get a solution then you work with and align with your energy instead of against it. It’s this embracing and love that will enable you to see more than one solution and from your heart you can find your creative power to create something new.
Life really calls for a softening in our hearts on all levels and toward life itself. It’s understandable that life circumstances can create a hardening, but at some point we may need to unlearn that, as hardening tends to crack and break at some point.
Clarity and true compassion comes with softness.
Softening isn’t about weakness. It’s a strength that knows it needs no false shield to be empowered. Standing fiercely in transparency and truth comes with a softer approach. One that is willing to reveal the authenticity and trusts the power of that to speak for itself.
Online Reiki Training Certification Classes are almost full. I’m only taking 6 participants per class and here is the current availability.
Reiki Level 1: FULL (However due to there being 1 available space in each of the other 2 classes & a new student may want to do all 3, I’m opening Reiki Level 1 an extra space for someone interested in registering for all of the levels. I’ll also take names for a waiting list for this as a stand-alone class)
Reiki Level 2: 1 space available
Reiki Level 3 Master Teacher: 1 space available
You can register in full or hold your space with a deposit here:
And our Magick Rabbit Etsy Shop continues to host our biggest sale through June 20th, Summer Solstice. We have a few notebook journals, greeting cards, prints, and original mini and large paintings remaining. We continue to support rescue rabbits with sales, and with the current, mirroring, deadly virus strain (RHDV2) pandemic for rabbits (killing both wild and domestic rabbits), this is especially dear to my heart to do.
Especially in these current times I feel insights like these can be of support to help navigate what you’re experiencing. Even if you don’t spend time tuning into what you’re feeling, just listening to something like this can trigger an activation within that can plant a seed for when you are ready. A-ha moments are flip-switchers.
Here’s Lee with the current energetic landscape including these themes:
- The deep end of coronavirus
- Truth surfacing
- Fine tuning your values
- Volcanic to the tender
- Upgraded listening
- People pleasers identity crisis
- Rise of the hero archetype
- Allowance and acceptance
- You are love and you are loved
- The chaos has a design right now
We’ll be back tomorrow with Ask Astrid Fridays.
I thought I’d hop on briefly after being away from blogging the last ten days, just to share some of the beauty, special moments, and reflections I’ve experienced during this time. Maybe you’ve felt similar things or this little burst of nature’s inspiration may be exactly the breath of fresh air for you right now. In any event, I hope that you had a beautiful Summer Solstice, however you chose to welcome it in.
I’m still spending most of my time within the inner landscapes, but that is reflected in an increased deepening with nature and immersing even more in her realm.
This mirrors the time we lived in the Magick Bus exploring nature and National Parks for nearly a year and a half when life called me in a new direction. It’s only now that I’m getting what it all meant and where the embodiment of that change was leading.
It’s almost been like getting my feet wet again in body, from what was a resurrection of sorts from the waters of life – actually most literally. I have needed the last couple of years to reacquaint myself with things from a new perspective, which has had me dipping in and out of some things from before, tried out in the now.
Some clothes just haven’t fit, either feeling too tight or too loose – meaning they were still too tied in with the past and the energy I had completed, or they were so new that I wasn’t sure how I felt about them and hence all the extra room to explore.
It’s been a time of allowing what ever wants to move through, letting go of to-do’s, and softening the reflections so that even my process with things doesn’t mirror how I used to process stuff. Life is a soft and gentle focus now. In this way, not only will what ever the new is that comes through be different than before, but the journey will be too.
I find it important for me that nothing mirrors the past, although can weave in the possibilities it held.
It still feels very fresh and I’m only beginning to immerse, as last week was more about the surrender, continued nurturing, and letting nature guide me.
So, with Solstice ringing in Summer, there’s been a ton of outdoor activity. It started Wednesday of last week while we explored a new hike to Cascade Falls – a shorter one, but climbs technically quite a bit. That felt invigorating and perfect for allowing the flow just like the gushes of water cascading down the mountain. Both the climb and the being with the water were perfect metaphors for things.
That same day we went to Baldwin Beach – another new beach for us. There, a mother duck and her seven ducklings visited and after they explored the higher activity of people down a ways from us, they came to rest in peace in front of our umbrella. Another beautiful reflection.
Thursday was a very special day – the two year anniversary of Astrid’s coming home to me at the gateway of Solstice. That’s what these first three photos celebrate. Since Astrid is such a huge part of this new life journey for me, I felt it important to capture some beautiful moments between us in the forest portal backyard of our house.
She was a surprise to me, but as I navigate this next part of my life, Astrid is my greatest guide. Where I have no example for the new I reinvent, she emulates the potential I most admire.
I love this photo below where she and I look merged as one – almost creating a Yin/Yang effect in how her body curves into mine.
Solstice is a very special time of the year for me ever since three years ago my beloved bunny, Joy, transitioned through its portal on that day in a place very dear to me – Montana. She and Astrid came from the same rabbit rescue and I feel that their entering and exiting at this gateway is significant.
The Mayans celebrated Solstice for spiritual initiation and change, creating ceremony to be in harmony with the Earth and Cosmic energies.
I remember the words from my dear shaman friend Amaru in Peru, “Nokan Inti Kani” – meaning “I am the Sun.”
Solstice extends an invitation to join the Sun’s energy and connect with your Higher Self, follow inspiration and dreams, and tune inside to the alchemy of “as within, so without.”
I find nature to be that gateway for me, as are my rabbit companions, and the Cosmos.
The Solstice gateway gifted me this beautiful golden hawk feather that I’m so grateful for.
So every day since Wednesday, nature time increased with tons of mountain biking, hiking, and beach time, as well as late afternoon/evening gardening time upon returning home from the physical activity.
To say I slept well is an understatement, as the deepening into body and moving a lot of energy in a grounding way was both nourishing and took me through cycles of decharge and recharge.
Solstice saw us in Squaw Valley where I enjoyed an intentional walk in the gorgeous meadows by myself anchoring in that new while Dave enjoyed his last day of skiing on the first day of Summer. You’ll see photos below of how beautiful this area is, reminding me of both the Swiss Alps (where I haven’t yet been, but seen photos of) and adored Iceland, as well as my favorite spots in Montana.
Seventeen miles of biking along the Truckee River that day was a way to move the energy and flow like the river.
Twenty two miles of biking the next day continued moving that energy along more gorgeous vistas.
All the while during each ride, allowing visions, thoughts, and feelings to flow, as my body did the integrating.
Two back-to-back hikes to different lakes Sunday followed by a vegan potluck picnic provided continued anchoring and as I said, each day I’d come home and plop myself in the garden planting perennials to create a low maintenance, inspiring, and beautiful backdrop that blends wild with a little intention.
I promised the Faeries of the land many things when moving here and I’m happy to create a special sanctuary for them to play in.
I’ll share more of the front and side gardens, as things blossom, but for now here are my beautiful Portulaca blooms that I adore!
The forest out back is in early stages of bloom, but as you can see they are already creating a welcome carpet to our home for the Faeries.
I just love how the wildflowers are blooming with joy everywhere – and it’s just the beginning. They feel like a love spell on my heart.
And as you can see from the below photos of Squaw Valley meadows, the Truckee River, and Cascade Falls, there’s been an abundance of inspiration all around from Mother Earth – the best nurturer there is.
As mentioned, I’m just beginning to immerse into a new realm of exploration within, so all of these good nature vibes are very nurturing to the vulnerable parts feeling safe to come through.
Because I feel that I haven’t much example to draw upon for that new, I feel nature provides me the best template and reflection for the journey.
Cultivating the garden is also very supportive, as my heart guides its creation in reflection of me as well – mostly wild, with woven threads of cultivated pockets that create synergy and harmony.
This last Wednesday I went to my third meditation group meeting that ended in a lovely picnic dinner at the beach with everyone who joined, however I feel it will likely be my last time going (at least for now) because I’m clear my work at home is more aligned for me at this time. I did leave the group with a few book recommendations to help with the “self love” topic, so they at least have some tools for any exploration they may decide to embark on past this month’s theme.
I feel called to explore on my own for now, dipping in and out when the moment calls.
The good news is (at least to me), I feel like I’m in greater alignment with the new path I’m creating than I was before. Remember I mentioned those clothes that felt too tight or too big and loose?
Energetically the ones that felt too big are now taking root and feeling more like home.
And on the literal, tangible level, the continued cleansing of, and weeding through, my closet leaves me with what feels to be the perfect essence of a place I now feel comfortable in heading to.
What’s fascinating is that the five Portal Paintings that found their new home, only just departed from Nevada on the Solstice – Yes! The Solstice of all days! Talk about divine alignment. Even though I dropped them off a week and a half earlier, they didn’t get crated and shipped out until then and so that also feels reflective of this anchoring in and clarity beginning.
The whole wild journey to get them to that point has mirrored so much of the changes I’m going through.
I’m excited for them to arrive in their new home across the country in Athens, Georgia with their amazing co-guardian where they will be open to anyone who wants to visit and meditate/work with them. This new home is being created into a form of a mini healing center welcome to people wanting to immerse in a conscious journey. As things evolve with that, I’ll keep you posted. It’s a way that people can experience them and more, and if at some point they are ready to journey on, they will be available via that portal.
I leave you now to return to my garden so I can complete the last planting I didn’t get a chance to finish yet. It feels integral to the next phase beginning.
What I love is that although the future is unknown and the vision is yet to be seen of how things look, the journey is so much more gentle and peaceful. There are those ebbs and flows, but it’s all naturally unfolding if I listen, allow, honor, and observe.
Do you experience reflections in your life that mirror the changes you’re going through?
My guess is we all do and if we stop to observe things, we’ll see it and make those connections.
If not, how might you create intention around something – like a project, gardening, etc. – to embody the potential you’re being guided to?
It will be interesting to see where the journey leads all of us.
I’ll keep this post short and sweet by kicking off with thanking those of you who joined in on the New Moon Gratitude Giveaway. Because of a busy week, it took me a while to go through the lists from people who decided to see it all the way through with me and us. I hadn’t had opportunity until this morning to go through things and post the recipients of the four gifts I promised as a way of honoring your commitment.
The four people in no particular order are:
I’ll be contacting each of you to get your gifts out. I was truly moved by the experiences you had with this and how meaningful you found it to be. I honor each of you for doing this challenging work.
This last week has been both full and full circle for me. It has solidified some things and put others into motion. Wednesday through Friday were particularly shifting, as well as a bit exhausting, yet pivotal clarity came as to a phase I chose three years ago.
I had only snippets of what it meant, but am understanding more what is in alignment with it. It’s a new phase that hasn’t an example to reflect for me, so it will be both a challenge and adventure to reinvent things.
It is because of this that the regular Ask Astrid Fridays blog didn’t come in yesterday and because of things she and I are committing to working on together, we’ll be taking at least the next week off from any blogging as well.
Depending on how much we move through, will depend on how the next week looks, but I at least want one full week to dive in deep so that I can get a handle on and anchor in a new experience we’re reinventing.
Once it feels to be in motion, I’ll be better able to schedule in other things.
This feels supportive also to my being very inward these days and needing more space for myself.
Thursday is a big day for the two of us leading into Summer Solstice on Friday. This is a special time and sacred portal that feels especially supportive for igniting what we’re focusing on right now.
We hope it will be a beautiful doorway for your light as well.
Thank you again to everyone who delved into the self gratitude and giving in the way that felt right for you. I hope you’ll continue to implement this into your life to become a natural part of living.
Today Astrid would like to speak to that little voice inside of many of you that sometimes wishes to just curl up in a ball and shrink back into a dark corner or closet – maybe even just pull the covers over your head and pretend the world has no idea you exist. Maybe you prefer being invisible sometimes and this can serve well in specific cases, but perhaps you’re holding yourself back out of fear or a deep-seeded experience that leaves you afraid to put yourself out there.
Living so close to, and intimately with, the ground and Earth, rabbits know how to “hide” well, but this can have a two-fold meaning of either having the need to camouflage and blend in or that you have made yourself so small that you are un/under-recognized for who you are and the gifts that you embody.
Rabbits know the importance of awareness and protection, but they are not shy about exhibiting their exuberance and big personalities when they feel the urge to do so. In fact, they will leap with glee when the moment moves them, or rise to the challenge with fierceness, despite being seen as small, timid and fragile creatures.
They are extraordinary sound navigators who know when to seize the moment and “hop” into new territories and experiences. Their ultra-sensitivities create the light when all seems lost and dark.
And this is the place Astrid wants to address for those of you who find yourself feeling lost so much, desire to shrink away, or aren’t even aware that you are diminishing your light when it’s needed the most right now in the world.
Invisibility can definitely be a gift, but it doesn’t serve you or the collective to live in the dark eternally.
Life can’t go on, nor thrive, without light.
Astrid knows there are times she’s been afraid and that she’s needed to regulate her energy so as to find that balance of protection and safety, while also making herself known and asserted.
If she had remained purely in fear by her circumstances and triggers, she would not only not have survived, but not have been recognized for the gifts she has. Marcy of SaveABunny and her staff of volunteers saw her because of the big energy she put out, and of course we know that this is also how she and I made the connection.
We both had to rise to our highest and most whole, to have a meeting of equals merge into partnership and recognition of reflection.
We could easily have missed a beautiful chance if we both stayed small.
How many times might you have missed out on an opportunity because you kept yourself small?
How much of your dreams are you not able to experience because you hesitate to share your gifts?
How much love do you hold back from yourself because you’re scared to show others who you really are or to feel how worthy you are?
Is it disappointment, hurt, anger, or guilt that makes us fear ourselves and our power?
I often wonder why these feelings win out over love over and over again.
Astrid shares that responsibility can play a part in this process we seem to be learning in exercising our gifts and powers.
But she and I both agree that responsibility can can carry its own weight that isn’t always tempered with love, but analyzed and dissected by ego.
So in fact it, too, can lead us astray of going bigger, as it tries to work out every angle to satisfy another excuse not to shine forth.
While we think that hiding serves us well, in most cases it is a reaction to something now or from a “past” that didn’t go the way we hoped. And even though those triggers and experiences are gone, we are still operating as if they are happening right now.
This perpetuates our “staying small” and unable to shine our inner lights, like rabbits do, to navigate us through the dark tunnel labyrinths of experience.
And in some cases, we devise ingenious ways of talking ourselves out of letting our energy out bigger to serve our ego fears and can even find spiritual bypassing ways of describing it and why it makes sense to do so.
Truth is, if you want to find a reason not to do something you can always find one.
And when it comes to our wholeness and embodying our potential, we have all the excuses in the world why not to do that.
Whether or not those excuses are valid is between you and yourself.
Astrid wants to remind you that it’s okay to recognize when camouflage and invisibility can serve us and be a magickal tool in our back pocket to pull out now and then, but “hiding” when rising would benefit you most, is not the healthiest choice to always fall back on.
It’s okay to learn as you go and make instant adjustments along the way. Chances are, you’ve already done years of work so truly, now is about the experiential classroom. This is about being both student and teacher and bringing integrity and humbleness to the process of being.
Now, more then ever your gifts, your light, your essence is needed in the world.
And while you think you may be alone in facing those frightful triggers, experiences, and the things that feel scary in the world, you are not.
More and more souls are finding that the way out of hiding is to actually step out. No one is going to force you out nor pull you out. Only you can make that choice, but it’s a very liberating choice that once made – even in small steps – suddenly helps make sense of an upside down world and brings authentic power to the forefront.
Astrid says, “The more you wear a mask, the less you will ever know yourself. It’s not just others you hide from in doing so, nor whom are robbed of knowing your beauty and experiencing your ripple across the world. You are the one who is hurt the most when your light is kept small.”
Astrid knows how I, too, have kept myself small in the past and straddled timidly between two worlds of fears and hopes.
“And what did that do for you?” she asks me.
“It kept me stuck,” I replied. “Torn and tormented between two worlds warring against each other, rather than teaming together and empowering myself into truly living, rather than merely surviving.”
That reminds me of a favorite line Julia Roberts says in Steel Magnolias, “I’d rather have 30 seconds of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”
How about you?
If coming out of hiding gave you the most enriching and fulfilling experience you’ve ever known and was better than your wildest dreams, wouldn’t it be worth “going bigger” for, even if it wasn’t forever?
Not that it couldn’t or wouldn’t be forever, but you won’t know it until you try it.
Or is the known feeling of suffering and smallness, more comforting?
“Everyone has the ability to go bigger, no matter what their circumstances are. You are creative beings and therefore have unlimited ways to bring through more of your potential. Feel bigger! Thinking is only half the story, but your heart will guide you past the limits of your mind,” Astrid says.
It’s not easy, I know, and can be quite sticky with layers, but personally I decided that the possibility of that total enrichment far outweighed the illusion of safety in the darkness.
Astrid says, “That safety is an illusion that keeps you away from your truth….away from being who you really are and experiencing what you have available. That illusion is the fix to experiencing the true power within your heart.”
And she’s so right.
We think we stay safe by staying small and hidden, but by making that our “norm” we not only get to experience more of it, but are dying a slow death.
Choosing to go bigger and stop hiding happens for each person at different times in their life or soul journey and in different ways, by different triggers, and timings, so there isn’t just “one” way to get there.
Yet the one thing we all have in common is “potential.”
And the more each of us do our best to rise to that potential, the easier it becomes for others to do the same.
Rather than spend time trying to make others step into their potential, why not utilize our resources to “be” the potential?
Rabbit doesn’t wait for snake to see the “potential” when it threatens her kits rather than finding something else to eat that day. Rabbit rises to her “potential” and becomes the bigger rabbit she knows herself to be and chases off the snake.
Yep, that’s right. There are videos out there that catch mother rabbits fighting off poisonous, deadly snakes to save their babies. It’s incredible, but this is the truth of their wholeness they weave in and out of, as they carry it at their core always.
And I’ve seen this happen not only with people, but myself as well, where we’re put into dire situations and then rise to the occasion.
But wouldn’t it be wonderful to rise always, rather than only when threatened or in our darkest hour?
Those moments demonstrate that we have it in us, but we choose not to always shine the light.
Astrid carries this bigger energy with her always. You can see it and feel it, even if not demonstrated every second, but when she wants to, she does. She’s not afraid to let you know it’s simply who she is, nor is she worried how you might judge her. She knows the truth of who she is will reach the truth of each of us and when truth meets, that’s the most authentic and fulfilling experience, regardless of result. Yet, it also helps reflect and draw to her exactly what she needs and wants to see, while not missing out on what it feels to be alive.
I asked Astrid if she has any advice to offer to someone wanting not to hide anymore, but is too afraid.
She thinks a moment and replies in her own way, “There will never be a perfect moment to wait to do something and tomorrow is not always a promise. We can’t survive alone in the dark forever. Night turns into day and it is your nature to do the same. In and out you weave, but weave you must, or cease to be. Both the Sun and Moon know just when to shine on the Earth or how to allow others the same. Yet they DO and WILL shine in fullness and never cease to shine while others are. They dance in and out, sharing the stage of the grand show. You may not know how stepping forth and being bigger will be embraced, but embrace it for yourself and you will find your place on the horizon amidst the other stars. It’s there that we will meet, heart-to-heart.”
What I’ve learned, and Astrid describes so beautifully, is that the truth of who you are is not something you can hide from forever. It catches up to us, no matter how fast we run away. Just as the Sun’s light keeps shining, despite your only seeing it half the day, so does your light, despite blanketing it in vein.
Eventually, your essence will see its way through, so why not give it a boost out?
“That’s right! Being who you really are is what we need most in the world at this time and is the greatest service to humanity,” concludes Astrid.
In Monday’s blog post titled Things You’ve Been Curious To Know I opened things up here to any questions you might have for me that you’ve been curious about. I’m going to go ahead and post the first eight that I’ve received while I have some time to write some thoughtful answers.
Thank you for the great questions. I hope they provide a little extra look into who I am and perhaps even reflect something timely for you, as they certainly come at a synchronous time for me since I’ve just accepted Barbara Franken’s October Challenge – A True Selection of Awakening Experiences Part III to share my thoughts on the next leg of my journey since my Part II contribution. This will be shared on October 22nd.
Until then, here are my thoughts to the following questions received:
Was there a particular moment or thing that felt pivotal for you or made a difference in who you are now?
Well, that’s a tough one to answer in one swoop, as there are several things that come to mind. In some cases they were sudden click-ins of realizations, in others they were pivotal choice-points, and yet others were specific experiences that affected me in more profound ways than others. But if I’m honest with all of it, although each of the things that come to mind helped make a shift, in many ways they weren’t strong enough to take full hold at the time. And so, I had to keep experiencing several similar types of things to hit all levels within me for greater leaps. That said, I would then have to say the stand-outs really are when I made the decision to stop searching for some miracle answer, stop working with others to give me answers I wasn’t recognizing I already had, stop searching for wholeness through relationships, and embraced my individuality. In terms of people, my brother was pivotal in helping to refocus what was most important and kept me on track in my earlier years. In terms of places, Egypt was the greatest trigger power spot that helped activate the greatest remembrance and empowerment on my two sacred journeys-of-return there. In terms of love, my twin soul in rabbit body, Nestor, reminded me of what was most important, who I am, and helped me see the truth. And in terms of game-changers, deciding to leave everything behind to explore my options when I was offered a choice to return to the stars for good, go off and live in an RV for a year and a half immersed in Nature, and letting go of all that I knew for what is most reflective of my heart now, was the greatest choice I made and provided a new lease on life to merge my Earth and Cosmic self in a new, more authentic and freeing experience.
What fears do you have or still struggle with?
The fear I work with the most is my fear of heights. I continue to implement processes that help me move through it. It is not an all-encompassing fear of heights, as I have no fear of flying, para-gliding, etc. It is a fear of standing, walking, or climbing on edges of drop-offs. It speaks to me about my having always felt more comfortable “out there” and of not being grounded, but flying freely and feeling most at home in my imagination. I have been able to work through this fear the most in recent years because of my willingness to be more in my body now, whereas I was always not fully here. My coming into more anchoring in my life, feeling at home and secure in my body, loving myself, and understanding the importance of merging spiritual and physical in order to live fully and manifest on this plane of existence are the factors that are helping to integrate this now. It does no good to have dreams if we aren’t actualizing them…that’s what it boils down to for me. So, spending tons of time in Nature and embracing the reflections as the nature of me, and being willing to challenge myself to greater heights of experience that don’t follow in the vein of what I’ve always done and comes easy, is also aiding this process. I now put myself in situations like hiking mountains and the Grand Canyon, skiing, and embracing new mountains of experience to climb in my life. I am now able to support myself through this and the fear no longer controls me. With patience and love, I am my own support system.
I always had the fear of speaking in public since Kindergarten. It was not there before that, so was triggered by changes that took place in my life. It took most of my life to get to the point where I could do this and teach and lead classes and retreats. But I did it and it also was one of those things I nurtured my way through and in that case listened to trusting myself and letting go of judgments in order to find my natural flow with it as well. I can’t say this fear is fully gone, as I don’t know that things ever fully leave us, but instead we learn to manage, process, and make friends with them so that we are not taken over and controlled by fear. Instead, we become masters of our fears and learn how to utilize them most effectively for the gifts they have to teach us.
You always seem so happy. Is this how you are all the time?
Thank you for that reflection! Well, the truth is, rather than “happy” I would likely say “at peace”. That said, yes I’m the happiest I’ve been at this time in my life, but it stems from a sense of peace and inner harmony that has settled after many many years of struggle and inner turmoil. If you see me smile and enjoying myself now, I truly am feeling that from deep within me, whereas for the earlier years of my life it would have been a mask I wore so as not to reveal what was underneath. However, if you were to see photos of me from my past compared to now, you would intuitively see that turmoil and how the joy wasn’t fully embodied back then. I do feel peaceful and happy nearly always these days. Does that mean I don’t experience any other kinds of emotions? Of course not, but I will say that if anger or sadness about something comes up, it honestly just moves right through me and doesn’t come to settle or last more than moments. I don’t judge feelings, but rather observe them, recognize them, and allow them their space to be. Because I’ve built over many years, a strong sense of peace and self, I’m not thrown by emotions, they don’t overcome me or control me, and they don’t surprise me. I’m so grateful for the solid sense of peace I’ve worked hard at, which isn’t easy when you haven’t felt at home most of your life on Earth or in your body. I’m sure you can relate.
I love your stories about Astrid and the bunnies you’ve had close relationships with. Well, all of your animal stories are special, but why do you think rabbits are around you so much?
Aw, thank you! My bunnies are my best friends, so that means a lot to me that sharing their stories and our relationship reflects something meaningful to you. Good question, though. I’ve always been strongly connected with animals since I was a little one – more so than with people for sure. My very first furry animal companion (as I mostly only had parakeets when growing up) was a rabbit and later in my late twenties my rabbit, Nestor found me and since then I’ve realized they are my true familiars – although miss Gaia (my Russian Tortoise) and rabbit counterpart made it into my life as well. But as to rabbits, they truly feel to mirror me the most and although I’m moved by animals in general – rabbits stir something in my heart and soul that no other can. They are pure magick to me and complex beings. They take another level of commitment to understand and really need presence, intuition, centered peace, integrity, and purity to interact with. Perhaps I see myself in them and understand them because they are so like me. Perhaps it is their wisdom of working through fears and timidity that I have had in my life, as shared previously, that supports me and vice versa them including with things like social situations and an overload of people’s energies we’re both sensitive to. Perhaps it is their connection with creativity, abundance, and that fertile Spring energy of joyous blossoming that my birth placement as the Empress and a #3 life path reflects. Perhaps it’s their innocent exuberance and playfulness that I adore. Perhaps it’s the dichotomy of their gentle and delicate nature combined with an inner ferociousness available to them if needed that I love. Perhaps it’s their cleverness and spontaneity that I love as a free spirit always thinking of new, creative ways to do things. Perhaps it’s their connection to the Moon and Cosmos, as well as their deep Earth love in perfect harmony. Perhaps it’s because like Faeries, they are creatures of the twilight and so most certainly are best friends to Faeries like me. Yes, it’s all of these reasons and in every way they feel the most mirroring of how I feel myself to be. And for this reason they are the most profound animal spirit guides for me, although I have many other animals around. The spirits that I have strongest connections to that assist me with things this life, come into rabbit bodies for that reason.
What was the worst experience you’ve had and how did you overcome it?
Hmmm, another good question. Gosh, I’ve had a lot of challenging and tormenting experiences in my past – contrary to what it may seem like now. To pick one is hard, but I guess I’d have to turn focus on when Nestor, my twin soul in rabbit body, left Earth. It was the most heart and soul wrenching experience that tore me in half along with her when she separated from her body back to the stars. It was hard for me to grasp the idea I needed to ground myself more and be more of this Earth, when the one I loved most dearly had gone back to where I truly called home. I went into a depression and felt my world crash down upon me. Her leaving also catapulted a huge life shift, divorce, and needing to figure out how to really get on board with the path I’d laid before me and step up bigger. I can’t say that you truly ever get over something like this, as I can always find tears swelling if I think about my bunny loves who have departed. But you can find strength through that pain and a new reason for living from a deeper place of authenticity and love. My heart break both tore me apart, but also cracked me open. And in cracking open, I keep finding new depths of love I didn’t know possible and that comes through acceptance of other emotions like sadness and pain. I remembered that she wanted me to embody wholeness without projecting that onto her. I remembered that I came here for a reason and that there is no real separation. She reminded me she’ll be with me, within me, and by my side all the way and to give up would also give up on what we had together promised to share. I remembered that living fully as the expression of who I am was her greatest desire for me and it became my own. And so, it was through my creative passions and focusing on living the best version of myself that I could, that I found my way out of the depression and the more I did, the more she showered me with gifts from the stars.
Is there anything you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self or share with others as wisdom you gleaned?
Probably the key thing that comes to me is to trust myself. It’s what I always did as a very young child and what I lost once conditioning set in. Everything we need to know and all answers truly are within. NO ONE can give that to you. It’s why I shifted my focus from being what felt like people’s crutches or temporary fix to wanting to purely empower people – I don’t want people feeling they need me and so I started drawing lines for them in the work I used to do. I know we’re each at different places with this and some nurturing, reflection, and support is helpful and can guide you, but truly until I loved, supported, and removed myself from tethered crutches, I wasn’t living fully as my potential, nor in my true power. Nurturing and remembering the song within me has made all the difference, and singing it regardless of what others are doing, is what anchors in peace.
I struggle in the relationship department and with self-love. I’m curious if there’s anything in your experience with relationships that stands out as helpful to share?
Well, this is a tough one, as we all know that self-love IS key and until we feel a strong sense of that we will continue looking for love in all areas of our lives – whether through relationships, addictions, or any next-fix. So for me, I noticed that every single challenge I had in life I kept attracting relationships that would play that out for me if I wasn’t getting the picture. And while that eventually made sense and I was able to start seeing it for what it was, I also realized I didn’t have to keep projecting these things into my relationships and rather, could reflect back on myself and my relationship with the challenges at hand. I also used to tell people I was in relationship with, what they needed to fix and work on, or hoped for change via them. AND, when the going went tough, I’d either continue staying far too long, or made a bee-line for the first open door. It wasn’t until I decided to accept people for who they were (knowing that letting things be will work themselves out naturally as to the truth of a situation made by each person’s choice), practice what I preached and decided to be an example of the change I wanted to see, focused on my own passions and what I needed and wanted to do for myself, and made commitments to work on things fully and see them through, rather than find the easiest escape route, did I experience peace and the ability to function in a healthy relationship – all because I was ultimately having the kind of relationship I wanted with myself.
And last, although this one wasn’t specifically a question sent via my Contact page and was a bit more general, I still wanted to answer it in a way that does feel more personal, so I’m rewording the question to fit more of the theme.
The original question was: Do you have any Magickal Beach Spells you would like to pass along? (It came from someone who lives a block from the Atlantic Ocean and had recently visited the long deep beach due to the New Moon low tide, discovering some treasures and was curious about magickal suggestions)
I’m rewording the question to: Are there any magickal beach rituals or spells you’ve found particularly useful and supportive in your life?
Well, being a Pisces, this is a great question and one that feels close at home since the ocean, or any body of water in general, is my native love. I find the ocean very cleansing, expansive, and rich with creative possibility. She teaches me about unpredictability, resiliency, flow, and the Great Mystery available at her depths. Here are a few things I’ve done over the years at the beach or with the beach/ocean energies that have been helpful and powerful. When wanting to let something go I’ve sometimes placed a small object of meaning or symbolizing something in my life at water’s edge or written a word or phrase in the sand at water’s edge. My intention is strong when doing this and in letting the tide wash it away or take it away, I intend I’m letting go fully and being cleansed of the thing in my life. I hold the vision of the pattern or thing lovingly returning to its origin and me to my own. I have also done powerful rituals of throwing something into the ocean that I’m done with. For instance, while in Bimini on the last retreat I hosted there, I let go of a necklace with three very important pendants on it to me that represented my soul contracts I had that were complete and in doing so I was stepping away from that way of life and service I no longer was willing to perpetuate and ultimately had completed. This helped begin to pave the way for the new to catapult into where I am now. I’ve also done similar with a dream or wish where I meditate at water’s edge and write something in the sand or put a symbol of something about that dream or wish there and let it be carried by the tide to the powers of the sea with intention of being cleansed, old washed away, and the new coming in with a new tide’s cycle – particularly good at New Moon.
I have also brought home seashell gifts and used them atop the soil of my garden tower, around the perimeter of our home, and in my office for protection (since these shells are like safe homes for sea creatures just like that of a tortoise and carry a strength and resiliency with them as well. I will place these with intention and could also be done at particular time periods like Solstices and Equinoxes, Moon cycles that feel connected, etc.
I also have gathered sand, a little ocean water, or treasures to use as element holders in ritual intentions I may cast, in a sacred altar space, for a ceremony, or as ritual I may do in the forest as offerings. Sand is great to cast a circle with as well!
I’m so grateful for these very thoughtful questions and I hope they share a little more insight that helps you get to know me more. It’s a great challenge to review things like this in my life and also a great way to reflect and honor the growth I’ve experienced.
I feel that it’s a powerful and healthy thing for each of us to realize how much we have changed and recognize the work we’ve done.
I hope you can find gratitude for yourself and the ways in which you’ve shifted your own life, as I know you have even more than you think. Just take a glimpse back and I’m sure you’ll see that too. Then please do give yourself a big hug…and one from me….for being you and doing your best.
Stay tuned, as I’ll be announcing the new blog series in the next couple of weeks.
Thank you so much for your constant love and support!
Sending so much love out to everyone during this swiftly shifting and potentially intense time.