I thought I’d hop on briefly after being away from blogging the last ten days, just to share some of the beauty, special moments, and reflections I’ve experienced during this time. Maybe you’ve felt similar things or this little burst of nature’s inspiration may be exactly the breath of fresh air for you right now. In any event, I hope that you had a beautiful Summer Solstice, however you chose to welcome it in.
I’m still spending most of my time within the inner landscapes, but that is reflected in an increased deepening with nature and immersing even more in her realm.
This mirrors the time we lived in the Magick Bus exploring nature and National Parks for nearly a year and a half when life called me in a new direction. It’s only now that I’m getting what it all meant and where the embodiment of that change was leading.
It’s almost been like getting my feet wet again in body, from what was a resurrection of sorts from the waters of life – actually most literally. I have needed the last couple of years to reacquaint myself with things from a new perspective, which has had me dipping in and out of some things from before, tried out in the now.
Some clothes just haven’t fit, either feeling too tight or too loose – meaning they were still too tied in with the past and the energy I had completed, or they were so new that I wasn’t sure how I felt about them and hence all the extra room to explore.
It’s been a time of allowing what ever wants to move through, letting go of to-do’s, and softening the reflections so that even my process with things doesn’t mirror how I used to process stuff. Life is a soft and gentle focus now. In this way, not only will what ever the new is that comes through be different than before, but the journey will be too.
I find it important for me that nothing mirrors the past, although can weave in the possibilities it held.
It still feels very fresh and I’m only beginning to immerse, as last week was more about the surrender, continued nurturing, and letting nature guide me.
So, with Solstice ringing in Summer, there’s been a ton of outdoor activity. It started Wednesday of last week while we explored a new hike to Cascade Falls – a shorter one, but climbs technically quite a bit. That felt invigorating and perfect for allowing the flow just like the gushes of water cascading down the mountain. Both the climb and the being with the water were perfect metaphors for things.
That same day we went to Baldwin Beach – another new beach for us. There, a mother duck and her seven ducklings visited and after they explored the higher activity of people down a ways from us, they came to rest in peace in front of our umbrella. Another beautiful reflection.
Thursday was a very special day – the two year anniversary of Astrid’s coming home to me at the gateway of Solstice. That’s what these first three photos celebrate. Since Astrid is such a huge part of this new life journey for me, I felt it important to capture some beautiful moments between us in the forest portal backyard of our house.
She was a surprise to me, but as I navigate this next part of my life, Astrid is my greatest guide. Where I have no example for the new I reinvent, she emulates the potential I most admire.
I love this photo below where she and I look merged as one – almost creating a Yin/Yang effect in how her body curves into mine.
Solstice is a very special time of the year for me ever since three years ago my beloved bunny, Joy, transitioned through its portal on that day in a place very dear to me – Montana. She and Astrid came from the same rabbit rescue and I feel that their entering and exiting at this gateway is significant.
The Mayans celebrated Solstice for spiritual initiation and change, creating ceremony to be in harmony with the Earth and Cosmic energies.
I remember the words from my dear shaman friend Amaru in Peru, “Nokan Inti Kani” – meaning “I am the Sun.”
Solstice extends an invitation to join the Sun’s energy and connect with your Higher Self, follow inspiration and dreams, and tune inside to the alchemy of “as within, so without.”
I find nature to be that gateway for me, as are my rabbit companions, and the Cosmos.
The Solstice gateway gifted me this beautiful golden hawk feather that I’m so grateful for.
So every day since Wednesday, nature time increased with tons of mountain biking, hiking, and beach time, as well as late afternoon/evening gardening time upon returning home from the physical activity.
To say I slept well is an understatement, as the deepening into body and moving a lot of energy in a grounding way was both nourishing and took me through cycles of decharge and recharge.
Solstice saw us in Squaw Valley where I enjoyed an intentional walk in the gorgeous meadows by myself anchoring in that new while Dave enjoyed his last day of skiing on the first day of Summer. You’ll see photos below of how beautiful this area is, reminding me of both the Swiss Alps (where I haven’t yet been, but seen photos of) and adored Iceland, as well as my favorite spots in Montana.
Seventeen miles of biking along the Truckee River that day was a way to move the energy and flow like the river.
Twenty two miles of biking the next day continued moving that energy along more gorgeous vistas.
All the while during each ride, allowing visions, thoughts, and feelings to flow, as my body did the integrating.
Two back-to-back hikes to different lakes Sunday followed by a vegan potluck picnic provided continued anchoring and as I said, each day I’d come home and plop myself in the garden planting perennials to create a low maintenance, inspiring, and beautiful backdrop that blends wild with a little intention.
I promised the Faeries of the land many things when moving here and I’m happy to create a special sanctuary for them to play in.
I’ll share more of the front and side gardens, as things blossom, but for now here are my beautiful Portulaca blooms that I adore!
The forest out back is in early stages of bloom, but as you can see they are already creating a welcome carpet to our home for the Faeries.
I just love how the wildflowers are blooming with joy everywhere – and it’s just the beginning. They feel like a love spell on my heart.
And as you can see from the below photos of Squaw Valley meadows, the Truckee River, and Cascade Falls, there’s been an abundance of inspiration all around from Mother Earth – the best nurturer there is.
As mentioned, I’m just beginning to immerse into a new realm of exploration within, so all of these good nature vibes are very nurturing to the vulnerable parts feeling safe to come through.
Because I feel that I haven’t much example to draw upon for that new, I feel nature provides me the best template and reflection for the journey.
Cultivating the garden is also very supportive, as my heart guides its creation in reflection of me as well – mostly wild, with woven threads of cultivated pockets that create synergy and harmony.
This last Wednesday I went to my third meditation group meeting that ended in a lovely picnic dinner at the beach with everyone who joined, however I feel it will likely be my last time going (at least for now) because I’m clear my work at home is more aligned for me at this time. I did leave the group with a few book recommendations to help with the “self love” topic, so they at least have some tools for any exploration they may decide to embark on past this month’s theme.
I feel called to explore on my own for now, dipping in and out when the moment calls.
The good news is (at least to me), I feel like I’m in greater alignment with the new path I’m creating than I was before. Remember I mentioned those clothes that felt too tight or too big and loose?
Energetically the ones that felt too big are now taking root and feeling more like home.
And on the literal, tangible level, the continued cleansing of, and weeding through, my closet leaves me with what feels to be the perfect essence of a place I now feel comfortable in heading to.
What’s fascinating is that the five Portal Paintings that found their new home, only just departed from Nevada on the Solstice – Yes! The Solstice of all days! Talk about divine alignment. Even though I dropped them off a week and a half earlier, they didn’t get crated and shipped out until then and so that also feels reflective of this anchoring in and clarity beginning.
The whole wild journey to get them to that point has mirrored so much of the changes I’m going through.
I’m excited for them to arrive in their new home across the country in Athens, Georgia with their amazing co-guardian where they will be open to anyone who wants to visit and meditate/work with them. This new home is being created into a form of a mini healing center welcome to people wanting to immerse in a conscious journey. As things evolve with that, I’ll keep you posted. It’s a way that people can experience them and more, and if at some point they are ready to journey on, they will be available via that portal.
I leave you now to return to my garden so I can complete the last planting I didn’t get a chance to finish yet. It feels integral to the next phase beginning.
What I love is that although the future is unknown and the vision is yet to be seen of how things look, the journey is so much more gentle and peaceful. There are those ebbs and flows, but it’s all naturally unfolding if I listen, allow, honor, and observe.
Do you experience reflections in your life that mirror the changes you’re going through?
My guess is we all do and if we stop to observe things, we’ll see it and make those connections.
If not, how might you create intention around something – like a project, gardening, etc. – to embody the potential you’re being guided to?
It will be interesting to see where the journey leads all of us.
I’ll keep this post short and sweet by kicking off with thanking those of you who joined in on the New Moon Gratitude Giveaway. Because of a busy week, it took me a while to go through the lists from people who decided to see it all the way through with me and us. I hadn’t had opportunity until this morning to go through things and post the recipients of the four gifts I promised as a way of honoring your commitment.
The four people in no particular order are:
I’ll be contacting each of you to get your gifts out. I was truly moved by the experiences you had with this and how meaningful you found it to be. I honor each of you for doing this challenging work.
This last week has been both full and full circle for me. It has solidified some things and put others into motion. Wednesday through Friday were particularly shifting, as well as a bit exhausting, yet pivotal clarity came as to a phase I chose three years ago.
I had only snippets of what it meant, but am understanding more what is in alignment with it. It’s a new phase that hasn’t an example to reflect for me, so it will be both a challenge and adventure to reinvent things.
It is because of this that the regular Ask Astrid Fridays blog didn’t come in yesterday and because of things she and I are committing to working on together, we’ll be taking at least the next week off from any blogging as well.
Depending on how much we move through, will depend on how the next week looks, but I at least want one full week to dive in deep so that I can get a handle on and anchor in a new experience we’re reinventing.
Once it feels to be in motion, I’ll be better able to schedule in other things.
This feels supportive also to my being very inward these days and needing more space for myself.
Thursday is a big day for the two of us leading into Summer Solstice on Friday. This is a special time and sacred portal that feels especially supportive for igniting what we’re focusing on right now.
We hope it will be a beautiful doorway for your light as well.
Thank you again to everyone who delved into the self gratitude and giving in the way that felt right for you. I hope you’ll continue to implement this into your life to become a natural part of living.
Today Astrid would like to speak to that little voice inside of many of you that sometimes wishes to just curl up in a ball and shrink back into a dark corner or closet – maybe even just pull the covers over your head and pretend the world has no idea you exist. Maybe you prefer being invisible sometimes and this can serve well in specific cases, but perhaps you’re holding yourself back out of fear or a deep-seeded experience that leaves you afraid to put yourself out there.
Living so close to, and intimately with, the ground and Earth, rabbits know how to “hide” well, but this can have a two-fold meaning of either having the need to camouflage and blend in or that you have made yourself so small that you are un/under-recognized for who you are and the gifts that you embody.
Rabbits know the importance of awareness and protection, but they are not shy about exhibiting their exuberance and big personalities when they feel the urge to do so. In fact, they will leap with glee when the moment moves them, or rise to the challenge with fierceness, despite being seen as small, timid and fragile creatures.
They are extraordinary sound navigators who know when to seize the moment and “hop” into new territories and experiences. Their ultra-sensitivities create the light when all seems lost and dark.
And this is the place Astrid wants to address for those of you who find yourself feeling lost so much, desire to shrink away, or aren’t even aware that you are diminishing your light when it’s needed the most right now in the world.
Invisibility can definitely be a gift, but it doesn’t serve you or the collective to live in the dark eternally.
Life can’t go on, nor thrive, without light.
Astrid knows there are times she’s been afraid and that she’s needed to regulate her energy so as to find that balance of protection and safety, while also making herself known and asserted.
If she had remained purely in fear by her circumstances and triggers, she would not only not have survived, but not have been recognized for the gifts she has. Marcy of SaveABunny and her staff of volunteers saw her because of the big energy she put out, and of course we know that this is also how she and I made the connection.
We both had to rise to our highest and most whole, to have a meeting of equals merge into partnership and recognition of reflection.
We could easily have missed a beautiful chance if we both stayed small.
How many times might you have missed out on an opportunity because you kept yourself small?
How much of your dreams are you not able to experience because you hesitate to share your gifts?
How much love do you hold back from yourself because you’re scared to show others who you really are or to feel how worthy you are?
Is it disappointment, hurt, anger, or guilt that makes us fear ourselves and our power?
I often wonder why these feelings win out over love over and over again.
Astrid shares that responsibility can play a part in this process we seem to be learning in exercising our gifts and powers.
But she and I both agree that responsibility can can carry its own weight that isn’t always tempered with love, but analyzed and dissected by ego.
So in fact it, too, can lead us astray of going bigger, as it tries to work out every angle to satisfy another excuse not to shine forth.
While we think that hiding serves us well, in most cases it is a reaction to something now or from a “past” that didn’t go the way we hoped. And even though those triggers and experiences are gone, we are still operating as if they are happening right now.
This perpetuates our “staying small” and unable to shine our inner lights, like rabbits do, to navigate us through the dark tunnel labyrinths of experience.
And in some cases, we devise ingenious ways of talking ourselves out of letting our energy out bigger to serve our ego fears and can even find spiritual bypassing ways of describing it and why it makes sense to do so.
Truth is, if you want to find a reason not to do something you can always find one.
And when it comes to our wholeness and embodying our potential, we have all the excuses in the world why not to do that.
Whether or not those excuses are valid is between you and yourself.
Astrid wants to remind you that it’s okay to recognize when camouflage and invisibility can serve us and be a magickal tool in our back pocket to pull out now and then, but “hiding” when rising would benefit you most, is not the healthiest choice to always fall back on.
It’s okay to learn as you go and make instant adjustments along the way. Chances are, you’ve already done years of work so truly, now is about the experiential classroom. This is about being both student and teacher and bringing integrity and humbleness to the process of being.
Now, more then ever your gifts, your light, your essence is needed in the world.
And while you think you may be alone in facing those frightful triggers, experiences, and the things that feel scary in the world, you are not.
More and more souls are finding that the way out of hiding is to actually step out. No one is going to force you out nor pull you out. Only you can make that choice, but it’s a very liberating choice that once made – even in small steps – suddenly helps make sense of an upside down world and brings authentic power to the forefront.
Astrid says, “The more you wear a mask, the less you will ever know yourself. It’s not just others you hide from in doing so, nor whom are robbed of knowing your beauty and experiencing your ripple across the world. You are the one who is hurt the most when your light is kept small.”
Astrid knows how I, too, have kept myself small in the past and straddled timidly between two worlds of fears and hopes.
“And what did that do for you?” she asks me.
“It kept me stuck,” I replied. “Torn and tormented between two worlds warring against each other, rather than teaming together and empowering myself into truly living, rather than merely surviving.”
That reminds me of a favorite line Julia Roberts says in Steel Magnolias, “I’d rather have 30 seconds of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”
How about you?
If coming out of hiding gave you the most enriching and fulfilling experience you’ve ever known and was better than your wildest dreams, wouldn’t it be worth “going bigger” for, even if it wasn’t forever?
Not that it couldn’t or wouldn’t be forever, but you won’t know it until you try it.
Or is the known feeling of suffering and smallness, more comforting?
“Everyone has the ability to go bigger, no matter what their circumstances are. You are creative beings and therefore have unlimited ways to bring through more of your potential. Feel bigger! Thinking is only half the story, but your heart will guide you past the limits of your mind,” Astrid says.
It’s not easy, I know, and can be quite sticky with layers, but personally I decided that the possibility of that total enrichment far outweighed the illusion of safety in the darkness.
Astrid says, “That safety is an illusion that keeps you away from your truth….away from being who you really are and experiencing what you have available. That illusion is the fix to experiencing the true power within your heart.”
And she’s so right.
We think we stay safe by staying small and hidden, but by making that our “norm” we not only get to experience more of it, but are dying a slow death.
Choosing to go bigger and stop hiding happens for each person at different times in their life or soul journey and in different ways, by different triggers, and timings, so there isn’t just “one” way to get there.
Yet the one thing we all have in common is “potential.”
And the more each of us do our best to rise to that potential, the easier it becomes for others to do the same.
Rather than spend time trying to make others step into their potential, why not utilize our resources to “be” the potential?
Rabbit doesn’t wait for snake to see the “potential” when it threatens her kits rather than finding something else to eat that day. Rabbit rises to her “potential” and becomes the bigger rabbit she knows herself to be and chases off the snake.
Yep, that’s right. There are videos out there that catch mother rabbits fighting off poisonous, deadly snakes to save their babies. It’s incredible, but this is the truth of their wholeness they weave in and out of, as they carry it at their core always.
And I’ve seen this happen not only with people, but myself as well, where we’re put into dire situations and then rise to the occasion.
But wouldn’t it be wonderful to rise always, rather than only when threatened or in our darkest hour?
Those moments demonstrate that we have it in us, but we choose not to always shine the light.
Astrid carries this bigger energy with her always. You can see it and feel it, even if not demonstrated every second, but when she wants to, she does. She’s not afraid to let you know it’s simply who she is, nor is she worried how you might judge her. She knows the truth of who she is will reach the truth of each of us and when truth meets, that’s the most authentic and fulfilling experience, regardless of result. Yet, it also helps reflect and draw to her exactly what she needs and wants to see, while not missing out on what it feels to be alive.
I asked Astrid if she has any advice to offer to someone wanting not to hide anymore, but is too afraid.
She thinks a moment and replies in her own way, “There will never be a perfect moment to wait to do something and tomorrow is not always a promise. We can’t survive alone in the dark forever. Night turns into day and it is your nature to do the same. In and out you weave, but weave you must, or cease to be. Both the Sun and Moon know just when to shine on the Earth or how to allow others the same. Yet they DO and WILL shine in fullness and never cease to shine while others are. They dance in and out, sharing the stage of the grand show. You may not know how stepping forth and being bigger will be embraced, but embrace it for yourself and you will find your place on the horizon amidst the other stars. It’s there that we will meet, heart-to-heart.”
What I’ve learned, and Astrid describes so beautifully, is that the truth of who you are is not something you can hide from forever. It catches up to us, no matter how fast we run away. Just as the Sun’s light keeps shining, despite your only seeing it half the day, so does your light, despite blanketing it in vein.
Eventually, your essence will see its way through, so why not give it a boost out?
“That’s right! Being who you really are is what we need most in the world at this time and is the greatest service to humanity,” concludes Astrid.
In Monday’s blog post titled Things You’ve Been Curious To Know I opened things up here to any questions you might have for me that you’ve been curious about. I’m going to go ahead and post the first eight that I’ve received while I have some time to write some thoughtful answers.
Thank you for the great questions. I hope they provide a little extra look into who I am and perhaps even reflect something timely for you, as they certainly come at a synchronous time for me since I’ve just accepted Barbara Franken’s October Challenge – A True Selection of Awakening Experiences Part III to share my thoughts on the next leg of my journey since my Part II contribution. This will be shared on October 22nd.
Until then, here are my thoughts to the following questions received:
Was there a particular moment or thing that felt pivotal for you or made a difference in who you are now?
Well, that’s a tough one to answer in one swoop, as there are several things that come to mind. In some cases they were sudden click-ins of realizations, in others they were pivotal choice-points, and yet others were specific experiences that affected me in more profound ways than others. But if I’m honest with all of it, although each of the things that come to mind helped make a shift, in many ways they weren’t strong enough to take full hold at the time. And so, I had to keep experiencing several similar types of things to hit all levels within me for greater leaps. That said, I would then have to say the stand-outs really are when I made the decision to stop searching for some miracle answer, stop working with others to give me answers I wasn’t recognizing I already had, stop searching for wholeness through relationships, and embraced my individuality. In terms of people, my brother was pivotal in helping to refocus what was most important and kept me on track in my earlier years. In terms of places, Egypt was the greatest trigger power spot that helped activate the greatest remembrance and empowerment on my two sacred journeys-of-return there. In terms of love, my twin soul in rabbit body, Nestor, reminded me of what was most important, who I am, and helped me see the truth. And in terms of game-changers, deciding to leave everything behind to explore my options when I was offered a choice to return to the stars for good, go off and live in an RV for a year and a half immersed in Nature, and letting go of all that I knew for what is most reflective of my heart now, was the greatest choice I made and provided a new lease on life to merge my Earth and Cosmic self in a new, more authentic and freeing experience.
What fears do you have or still struggle with?
The fear I work with the most is my fear of heights. I continue to implement processes that help me move through it. It is not an all-encompassing fear of heights, as I have no fear of flying, para-gliding, etc. It is a fear of standing, walking, or climbing on edges of drop-offs. It speaks to me about my having always felt more comfortable “out there” and of not being grounded, but flying freely and feeling most at home in my imagination. I have been able to work through this fear the most in recent years because of my willingness to be more in my body now, whereas I was always not fully here. My coming into more anchoring in my life, feeling at home and secure in my body, loving myself, and understanding the importance of merging spiritual and physical in order to live fully and manifest on this plane of existence are the factors that are helping to integrate this now. It does no good to have dreams if we aren’t actualizing them…that’s what it boils down to for me. So, spending tons of time in Nature and embracing the reflections as the nature of me, and being willing to challenge myself to greater heights of experience that don’t follow in the vein of what I’ve always done and comes easy, is also aiding this process. I now put myself in situations like hiking mountains and the Grand Canyon, skiing, and embracing new mountains of experience to climb in my life. I am now able to support myself through this and the fear no longer controls me. With patience and love, I am my own support system.
I always had the fear of speaking in public since Kindergarten. It was not there before that, so was triggered by changes that took place in my life. It took most of my life to get to the point where I could do this and teach and lead classes and retreats. But I did it and it also was one of those things I nurtured my way through and in that case listened to trusting myself and letting go of judgments in order to find my natural flow with it as well. I can’t say this fear is fully gone, as I don’t know that things ever fully leave us, but instead we learn to manage, process, and make friends with them so that we are not taken over and controlled by fear. Instead, we become masters of our fears and learn how to utilize them most effectively for the gifts they have to teach us.
You always seem so happy. Is this how you are all the time?
Thank you for that reflection! Well, the truth is, rather than “happy” I would likely say “at peace”. That said, yes I’m the happiest I’ve been at this time in my life, but it stems from a sense of peace and inner harmony that has settled after many many years of struggle and inner turmoil. If you see me smile and enjoying myself now, I truly am feeling that from deep within me, whereas for the earlier years of my life it would have been a mask I wore so as not to reveal what was underneath. However, if you were to see photos of me from my past compared to now, you would intuitively see that turmoil and how the joy wasn’t fully embodied back then. I do feel peaceful and happy nearly always these days. Does that mean I don’t experience any other kinds of emotions? Of course not, but I will say that if anger or sadness about something comes up, it honestly just moves right through me and doesn’t come to settle or last more than moments. I don’t judge feelings, but rather observe them, recognize them, and allow them their space to be. Because I’ve built over many years, a strong sense of peace and self, I’m not thrown by emotions, they don’t overcome me or control me, and they don’t surprise me. I’m so grateful for the solid sense of peace I’ve worked hard at, which isn’t easy when you haven’t felt at home most of your life on Earth or in your body. I’m sure you can relate.
I love your stories about Astrid and the bunnies you’ve had close relationships with. Well, all of your animal stories are special, but why do you think rabbits are around you so much?
Aw, thank you! My bunnies are my best friends, so that means a lot to me that sharing their stories and our relationship reflects something meaningful to you. Good question, though. I’ve always been strongly connected with animals since I was a little one – more so than with people for sure. My very first furry animal companion (as I mostly only had parakeets when growing up) was a rabbit and later in my late twenties my rabbit, Nestor found me and since then I’ve realized they are my true familiars – although miss Gaia (my Russian Tortoise) and rabbit counterpart made it into my life as well. But as to rabbits, they truly feel to mirror me the most and although I’m moved by animals in general – rabbits stir something in my heart and soul that no other can. They are pure magick to me and complex beings. They take another level of commitment to understand and really need presence, intuition, centered peace, integrity, and purity to interact with. Perhaps I see myself in them and understand them because they are so like me. Perhaps it is their wisdom of working through fears and timidity that I have had in my life, as shared previously, that supports me and vice versa them including with things like social situations and an overload of people’s energies we’re both sensitive to. Perhaps it is their connection with creativity, abundance, and that fertile Spring energy of joyous blossoming that my birth placement as the Empress and a #3 life path reflects. Perhaps it’s their innocent exuberance and playfulness that I adore. Perhaps it’s the dichotomy of their gentle and delicate nature combined with an inner ferociousness available to them if needed that I love. Perhaps it’s their cleverness and spontaneity that I love as a free spirit always thinking of new, creative ways to do things. Perhaps it’s their connection to the Moon and Cosmos, as well as their deep Earth love in perfect harmony. Perhaps it’s because like Faeries, they are creatures of the twilight and so most certainly are best friends to Faeries like me. Yes, it’s all of these reasons and in every way they feel the most mirroring of how I feel myself to be. And for this reason they are the most profound animal spirit guides for me, although I have many other animals around. The spirits that I have strongest connections to that assist me with things this life, come into rabbit bodies for that reason.
What was the worst experience you’ve had and how did you overcome it?
Hmmm, another good question. Gosh, I’ve had a lot of challenging and tormenting experiences in my past – contrary to what it may seem like now. To pick one is hard, but I guess I’d have to turn focus on when Nestor, my twin soul in rabbit body, left Earth. It was the most heart and soul wrenching experience that tore me in half along with her when she separated from her body back to the stars. It was hard for me to grasp the idea I needed to ground myself more and be more of this Earth, when the one I loved most dearly had gone back to where I truly called home. I went into a depression and felt my world crash down upon me. Her leaving also catapulted a huge life shift, divorce, and needing to figure out how to really get on board with the path I’d laid before me and step up bigger. I can’t say that you truly ever get over something like this, as I can always find tears swelling if I think about my bunny loves who have departed. But you can find strength through that pain and a new reason for living from a deeper place of authenticity and love. My heart break both tore me apart, but also cracked me open. And in cracking open, I keep finding new depths of love I didn’t know possible and that comes through acceptance of other emotions like sadness and pain. I remembered that she wanted me to embody wholeness without projecting that onto her. I remembered that I came here for a reason and that there is no real separation. She reminded me she’ll be with me, within me, and by my side all the way and to give up would also give up on what we had together promised to share. I remembered that living fully as the expression of who I am was her greatest desire for me and it became my own. And so, it was through my creative passions and focusing on living the best version of myself that I could, that I found my way out of the depression and the more I did, the more she showered me with gifts from the stars.
Is there anything you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self or share with others as wisdom you gleaned?
Probably the key thing that comes to me is to trust myself. It’s what I always did as a very young child and what I lost once conditioning set in. Everything we need to know and all answers truly are within. NO ONE can give that to you. It’s why I shifted my focus from being what felt like people’s crutches or temporary fix to wanting to purely empower people – I don’t want people feeling they need me and so I started drawing lines for them in the work I used to do. I know we’re each at different places with this and some nurturing, reflection, and support is helpful and can guide you, but truly until I loved, supported, and removed myself from tethered crutches, I wasn’t living fully as my potential, nor in my true power. Nurturing and remembering the song within me has made all the difference, and singing it regardless of what others are doing, is what anchors in peace.
I struggle in the relationship department and with self-love. I’m curious if there’s anything in your experience with relationships that stands out as helpful to share?
Well, this is a tough one, as we all know that self-love IS key and until we feel a strong sense of that we will continue looking for love in all areas of our lives – whether through relationships, addictions, or any next-fix. So for me, I noticed that every single challenge I had in life I kept attracting relationships that would play that out for me if I wasn’t getting the picture. And while that eventually made sense and I was able to start seeing it for what it was, I also realized I didn’t have to keep projecting these things into my relationships and rather, could reflect back on myself and my relationship with the challenges at hand. I also used to tell people I was in relationship with, what they needed to fix and work on, or hoped for change via them. AND, when the going went tough, I’d either continue staying far too long, or made a bee-line for the first open door. It wasn’t until I decided to accept people for who they were (knowing that letting things be will work themselves out naturally as to the truth of a situation made by each person’s choice), practice what I preached and decided to be an example of the change I wanted to see, focused on my own passions and what I needed and wanted to do for myself, and made commitments to work on things fully and see them through, rather than find the easiest escape route, did I experience peace and the ability to function in a healthy relationship – all because I was ultimately having the kind of relationship I wanted with myself.
And last, although this one wasn’t specifically a question sent via my Contact page and was a bit more general, I still wanted to answer it in a way that does feel more personal, so I’m rewording the question to fit more of the theme.
The original question was: Do you have any Magickal Beach Spells you would like to pass along? (It came from someone who lives a block from the Atlantic Ocean and had recently visited the long deep beach due to the New Moon low tide, discovering some treasures and was curious about magickal suggestions)
I’m rewording the question to: Are there any magickal beach rituals or spells you’ve found particularly useful and supportive in your life?
Well, being a Pisces, this is a great question and one that feels close at home since the ocean, or any body of water in general, is my native love. I find the ocean very cleansing, expansive, and rich with creative possibility. She teaches me about unpredictability, resiliency, flow, and the Great Mystery available at her depths. Here are a few things I’ve done over the years at the beach or with the beach/ocean energies that have been helpful and powerful. When wanting to let something go I’ve sometimes placed a small object of meaning or symbolizing something in my life at water’s edge or written a word or phrase in the sand at water’s edge. My intention is strong when doing this and in letting the tide wash it away or take it away, I intend I’m letting go fully and being cleansed of the thing in my life. I hold the vision of the pattern or thing lovingly returning to its origin and me to my own. I have also done powerful rituals of throwing something into the ocean that I’m done with. For instance, while in Bimini on the last retreat I hosted there, I let go of a necklace with three very important pendants on it to me that represented my soul contracts I had that were complete and in doing so I was stepping away from that way of life and service I no longer was willing to perpetuate and ultimately had completed. This helped begin to pave the way for the new to catapult into where I am now. I’ve also done similar with a dream or wish where I meditate at water’s edge and write something in the sand or put a symbol of something about that dream or wish there and let it be carried by the tide to the powers of the sea with intention of being cleansed, old washed away, and the new coming in with a new tide’s cycle – particularly good at New Moon.
I have also brought home seashell gifts and used them atop the soil of my garden tower, around the perimeter of our home, and in my office for protection (since these shells are like safe homes for sea creatures just like that of a tortoise and carry a strength and resiliency with them as well. I will place these with intention and could also be done at particular time periods like Solstices and Equinoxes, Moon cycles that feel connected, etc.
I also have gathered sand, a little ocean water, or treasures to use as element holders in ritual intentions I may cast, in a sacred altar space, for a ceremony, or as ritual I may do in the forest as offerings. Sand is great to cast a circle with as well!
I’m so grateful for these very thoughtful questions and I hope they share a little more insight that helps you get to know me more. It’s a great challenge to review things like this in my life and also a great way to reflect and honor the growth I’ve experienced.
I feel that it’s a powerful and healthy thing for each of us to realize how much we have changed and recognize the work we’ve done.
I hope you can find gratitude for yourself and the ways in which you’ve shifted your own life, as I know you have even more than you think. Just take a glimpse back and I’m sure you’ll see that too. Then please do give yourself a big hug…and one from me….for being you and doing your best.
Stay tuned, as I’ll be announcing the new blog series in the next couple of weeks.
Thank you so much for your constant love and support!
Sending so much love out to everyone during this swiftly shifting and potentially intense time.
I’m going to be introducing a new, small series of blog posts that will become regular ones on either a weekly or monthly basis. I’ll announce that in the next couple of weeks. This is part of the new changes that are forthcoming and will continue to morph as I feel into everything. For now, I thought I would kick things off with opening the floor to questions from you – my friends, readers, supporters, and collective family. This may also help with creating the new series’ focuses.
I recently posted something similar as my Instagram Story’s status, realizing that while I have shared quite a bit over the years, there are still questions people have been curious about asking and message me about.
Many times we only see the person before us now, and don’t realize they’ve been through much the same that we or others have and so hearing about those pivotal shifts, choices, and processes can be supportive, reiterative, or even comforting.
Sometimes it’s just nice and fun to know those quirky things, that makes each of us human, and bridge the gap of distance in knowing each of us a little bit more since we may never meet in person, this go-around.
I’ve shared some of the twists and turns, wild rides, things and experiences people didn’t know about me, but there may be something in particular that has peeked your interest over time to ask.
While I don’t have the ability to answer all of the messages I receive in depth, I thought it might be fun to open things here to questions from you, where I can address a few of those things during my designated creative and writing time.
With that said, if there is a particular question or thing you’re curious about, I felt the nudge to open a blog post focused on answering some of those.
So, if you have something in mind that you’re curious to know more about, I’m going to open this to up to 11 questions – at least for now.
Each person can ask one question and my only request is that it isn’t in the form of wanting me to do a reading, coaching, psychic prediction of any sort, nor is a general how-to question.
This is specifically a get-to-know and/or understand me better forum, where you might be curious about how I came to something in my life through my own personal experience and that may reflect something for you since we are all connected.
A couple of examples that came through on Instagram included things like:
“How have you gotten over a broken heart or how have you been able to let go of a partner?”
“You live a very spiritual life – if that’s the right word to describe it as – how or what helped you to embrace this?”
Please submit questions via my contact page at this link:
Please do not write your questions as comments to this post.
I will only answer questions sent via the Contact format and only up to 11 at most.
If I see that the questions are more involved, I may break them up into more than one blog post when I answer them.
All questions will remain anonymous.
I look forward to hearing any curiosities from you.
Wishing you a positive start to your week and a gentle shift during this beautiful Autumn season of change.
Everything evolves whether we flow with that or not and my way with this is to go with the current, rather than fight it. Some have been inquisitive about all of my changes and dropping services and channels of my expression over the last couple of years, which may have seen to come on suddenly, but in fact has been a natural evolution. I still field requests about services I used to offer, as there’s no way to delete info completely off the web, but the way to close doors is to know my boundaries and move fully into the new. I know when the time is up on something, as there will be a shift of energy in the reservoir of my heart that speaks louder than any outside element. While I’m grateful for interest in things I have offered, that does not reflect to me what my heart knows is best. There’s no amount of money or praise that can make me do what is against my inner knowing.
And right now, I’m being asked to challenge myself in new ways that not only speak deeply to my current heart’s joy, but raise my own vibration by stepping out of comfort zones and being willing to embrace growing pains.
I’ve reflected this week on the gift teaching has been to my life and how much I was taught in the process. It is one of the most life-changing experiences I’ve gone through and one of the most meaningful in terms of things I’ve done up until now. It completely shifted me into a whole new vibration, but it also brought full circle closure to a soul path I’ve been on for lifetimes.
The workshops and retreats I’ve put my heart fully into have been such beautiful experiences and truly brought out the best in me by vulnerably putting myself into a place of learning in the moment, and helped me to see myself through a different lens, while growing exponentially.
I was moved to joyful tears in seeing faces of everyone in photos from some of our workshops and retreats and knowing where they are now and how lucky I am to call these incredible people friends. Teaching connected me to soul family and I know that was a big part of a lot of the things I have done, to bring us together in the perfect alignment that would ignite remembrance within for all.
It makes these last three workshops I’ll be teaching, bitter sweet and yet perfect full circle gifts. I’m in awe of the people I have had opportunity to be in connection with and to witness the blossoming that has taken place for each. I’m grateful to have been able to walk with each of you for some small part of your lives. I’ve only seen who each person really is and not the stories that first walked in the door.
I’m looking forward to these last workshops for many reasons and will post reminders until their registration dates end, or they fill completely.
Here are the updates on availability:
As of right now there are officially only 3 spaces remaining in our Reiki 1 & 2 workshop on June 23rd. I do have 2 potentials, so there’s possibility of that filling. If you’ve wanted to join as a past student to review, you’ll need to let me know as well by June 9th.
Reiki 3 Master Teacher isn’t until August 25th, but pre-registration is July 4th to keep in mind for discounts. There are a couple of new students intending to register and a review student, so just something to keep in mind.
However, although the Fall Equinox workshop “Living a More Magickal Life” co-taught with Laura Bruno isn’t until September 22nd, it IS officially a quarter full already and may move faster. Pre-registration is June 21st to keep in mind for discounts. I sense a lot percolating for this workshop beyond what we’ve described in the details, as I’m listening to what is most pertinent to bring forth for this last workshop. Sure to be potent and filled with cosmic surprises.
It’s been a huge honor to support authentic empowerment, awareness, the raising of vibrations, and to help spread healing love and greater compassion via this channel. I look forward to meeting everyone who feels called to join us.
When I saw these photos Dave took of me this weekend, I couldn’t shake the song from one of my fav Christmas stop-motion animations. He thought it was funny I was about to cross through the creek in my moonboots and snow shoes (he leaped across with his longer legs, while I took it one step at a time – immersing in it). I often use this song, much like so many from my fav animations and child-at-heart movies, to inspire, motivate, and make points.
This is a simple post from my simple, inner child perspective.
While I often take leaps, I also simply take steps and steps are in fact part of the journey within the leaps.
With all of the new challenges and leaps I’ve recently been moving through – like taking on our house renovation, facing my fears of heights in the Grand Canyon, committing to writing my new book, and recreating my life’s focuses…..these images made me smile on the symbolism of how to approach things simply by putting “one foot in front of the other” and stepping into the murky abyss you can’t see the outcome of, in order to move forward into new doorways of experience that are desired.
Change is a choice we make in each moment and manifestation is seeing that choice through with action….one step at a time.
You needn’t know the outcome. You merely need to connect with the passion or drive that urges you on.
When you align yourself with your heart, each step becomes easier.
And you soon find yourself having gotten through what you never thought you could.
You find yourself changed, like the caterpillar to butterfly who didn’t know that was possible.
You soon discover what you had inside of you all along.
The heart and ability to follow your dreams through and conquer those road blocks and mountains.
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor.
You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.
You never will get where you’re going
If ya never get up on your feet.
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowin’
A fast walking man is hard to beat.
If you want to change your direction,
If your time of life is at hand,
Well, don’t be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand.
Winter: If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn…
Kris: Oh, you do.
Winter: You mean that it’s just my election?
Kris: Just that.
Winter: To vote for a chance to be reformed? Woo-hoo!
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor.
You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.
Just a short post, as I have a busy day ahead and much to prepare before heading out to Arizona tomorrow. This will be my last post for the next two weeks, as I likely won’t be back to blogging until the week of the 19th, since we’ll be immersed in family time in Tucson, then completely off-grid in the Grand Canyon backpacking, and finishing off with a contrasting celebration of vegan food extravaganzas, massages, and dancing in Vegas, briefly, before returning home. I have no idea what is in store, as this is a whole new adventure, but I am very excited to see what unfolds and is activated from this epic journey.
This is a photo of me at the rim of the Canyon in June of 2015 – nearly 3 years ago. I’ve visited the GC several times over the course of my life, since I was a little girl, but this will be the very first time venturing into the womb of her mystery. Seems appropriate and aligned timing to happen now and I have a feeling it is the first of more of these adventures to come, as the future likely holds some longer treks in there and lots more backpacking in general, since now we own our own equipment we got for this adventure.
The journey of life is a constantly surprising spiral of creative possibilities.
I’m going to miss my sweet Astrid, but know she’s in good hands with a faery friend who will care for her needs while I am away. This is the first time we are apart since she came home to me Summer Solstice of last year. I’m giving her extra love and letting her know I’ll be back, so she doesn’t think I’m abandoning her. I’m glad she will have someone with her daily and that I’ve created a magick realm to nourish her while I’m away. Also grateful for her telepathic powers, so she can check in with me and vice versa along the journey.
I was able to get half way done with my very last round of editing on my book, which feels right since trips always shift energy, so finishing it upon return will be perfect. Then things will be taking a new and fast turn in the process and opening to me having others read it for the first time, as until now no one has really had any inkling of what it’s about, nor been involved with any part of the writing process. Fun and kind of exciting suspenseful! Just like this trip to the GC!
Anyway, I want to wish everyone a wonderful couple of weeks. I will likely be able to post some quick things while away, on my Instagram, when not in the Canyon, but haven’t time for blog musings. So if you’re on there, you may see some shares of things leading up to it all and after.
Other than that, I wish everyone hoppy trails along your individual journeys these next couple of weeks and look forward to touching back in with you upon return! Much love and creative magick always!
We’re finally down to the wire with house renovation work, which means we’re beginning to find our new groove with what life will be like here without all the commotion and activity of contractors. We are basically done redecorating (I think we’re only waiting on one piece of furniture to arrive) besides minor touches I’m sure we’ll continue to fine-tune over time, only have a hand full of contractor days remaining (that will be spread throughout now and end of the month (so no more daily invasions), and are starting to get back to our longer hikes and Dave’s been getting out skiing.
One cool thing that completed this last week was our downstairs room we made into an exercise/meditation room, which we’ve never had before, but because the physical is equally as important, this is a good integration room. We feel it important to bring even more body and resonant/aligned types of exercise into our lives when we aren’t out in nature doing that, alongside the peace and stillness we’re bringing in. That’s a good way to ground, embody, and manifest too!
And speaking of exercise, we got out on some bigger hikes this week, which included hiking from our house to the lake for the first time. The full loop is about 4 and a half miles.
We are only a two mile hike away from Lake Tahoe and whether you go one way and back or take the loop, you’ll find yourself meandering through a variety of beauty to include, creeks, forest, meadows, rock outcrops, ponds, beach, and yes, the huge ocean-like lake.
We also discovered that in 18 minutes we can walk to our favorite Thai restaurant from our house or the Italian place next to it that has yummy vegan pizza. There’s also a hot pot place and a sushi place in the same complex – all with vegan options – so we can basically walk down for lunch if we want, not to mention can either walk or bike down to the beach in the summer to avoid the parking crowds. The same distance the other way also takes us to Safeway and all the shops there.
We’re constantly hit with surprises on why this house was so perfect for us and definitely creates a wellspring of things to be grateful for.
Alongside settling into life here and being able to focus more on other things besides the house, we’re gearing up for our first visitors in about a week and a half here.
However, in the meantime I’m finding it REALLY nice to be in the peace of my new shared office with Astrid and seeing my list of to-do’s dwindle completely away so that my time is freed for my book fully once again.
That’s a huge phew! as although I know getting the house anchored in was important, I have been hearing the call of my path saying, “it’s time!”
I will soon share photos of our new magick room where Astrid and I immerse in the good energies together and are master minding the new, but for now I thought I’d share some nature inspiration.
We are having a warm and late Winter so far, which means we’re still hiking and not snow shoeing yet, as we’ve only had 2-3 inches of snow dustings here about three times, even at 6600 elevation.
There’s more snow at the higher altitudes, but nothing close to last year’s record setting amounts, at all levels, and the overflowing creeks and rivers.
You definitely can’t predict anything anymore and it just makes you surrender into the beauty and surprise of the moment.
Like this beautiful, large grouse I noticed and who seemed to take note of us very deliberately.
Anyway, for my blog friends AND my mom who diligently follows along here as well, I thought I’d share some of Nature’s beauty recently from our getting back in the swing of things here. I post on Instagram, but know not everyone is on a social media platform.