Posted by Tania Marie's Blog
I’m sharing a short blog today because I felt it might be helpful or resonant in some way for other writers, creatives, and people, in general, facing something challenging. After the last few days of having Cosmo and the bunnies stream into my experience so much, I found a lot of emotions flowing and then thoughts turning to my writing.
Much of which I can’t fully form into words.
Several days ago I did a reveal and reintroduction of myself on Instagram, sharing more transparency with facts about myself people may or may not know. I felt called to do so to help others who have experienced similar, to feel connection – as well as to support more courage in putting who you are out there more, by doing it myself.
All of it bringing me to an even more vulnerable, but enriching place of clarity even within the unknown.
In my revealing facts I shared that I am currently writing my second book that features rabbits as the main characters.
I don’t talk much about my book, as I’ve felt it to be very much a sacred experience and that has involved it also being a very emotional one as well.
Putting both together, this past weekend’s emotions flowing over things that came up around Cosmo and the bunnies, and my delving back into that sacred space of writing this story, I realized that I have a huge well of powerful emotions at the core of it all.
Not only are emotions one of the hardest things to write, because you don’t tell your readers about emotions by describing them or naming them. You convey and induce them by showing them and then allowing them to arrive to their own emotional responses and experiences of the worlds you create – to feel something beyond their normal feelings.
But I also find myself feeling extra sensitive about returning to these emotional places I remember in writing them in the first place and how powerfully they consumed me.
There is no separation between the writing world and real life for me.
Going back into that world feels exciting in terms of bleed-through in experiencing the realities merge, but also feels like the huge precipice of actual shift into a reality that will not be the same again, which I must be fully willing to step inside of.
There’s no return from this rabbit hole.
And there’s an ocean of emotions that are beyond the scope of this reality I feel awaiting me.
I’m not one to fear emotions and feelings.
No, this is more of a pause – a slow deliberation.
Kind of like my knee injury has forced me into slow and deliberate steps and lots of rest while healing and processing happens.
Writing the story was very emotional for me and now knowing I am needing to return back to it has my heart on edge, but not simply due to feeling these things, but what the feelings will create through completion.
I’ve poured myself into this creation, so far, even though it’s far from being complete. And having been able to step away from it has given me space from the feelings lying between the pages, as well as to reassess a lot.
And now, not only to return to them, but to dig even deeper, while making a decision that carries more weight than I may have realized, I feel is my next big challenge inviting me in.
The well of emotions is ready to pour out again.
And while that’s not a bad thing, I’m feeling the immensity of this project at a whole new level, which includes sharing another level of transparency and vulnerability past the onion layers I’ve constantly put out there, revisiting the feelings, and feeling both the scary and free of what the rabbits impregnated this story with that ignites the unknown.
Tomorrow, March 12th, marks the 18 year anniversary of my legally changing my middle name to become my official last name for life:
It seems appropriate I am sharing and feeling this on the day before such a birthing into who I feel myself to be as spirit in human form this life, as a person, as a being, as a woman, as an artist, as a writer.
I’m curious what is entailed in the immensity I’m feeling around all of this, but the only way I’ll know is to leap in fully.
I’m happy I have Astrid and my rabbit friends by my side to journey deeper into the labyrinth underworld of the Cosmos.
Are any of you also feeling the immensity of something currently?
As if there’s very potent alchemy about to unfold from the next step you take?