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Monday Musings ~ The Writer’s Corner: Feeling the Point of No Return


I’m sharing a short blog today because I felt it might be helpful or resonant in some way for other writers, creatives, and people, in general, facing something challenging. After the last few days of having Cosmo and the bunnies stream into my experience so much, I found a lot of emotions flowing and then thoughts turning to my writing.

Much of which I can’t fully form into words.

Several days ago I did a reveal and reintroduction of myself on Instagram, sharing more transparency with facts about myself people may or may not know. I felt called to do so to help others who have experienced similar, to feel connection – as well as to support more courage in putting who you are out there more, by doing it myself.

All of it bringing me to an even more vulnerable, but enriching place of clarity even within the unknown.

In my revealing facts I shared that I am currently writing my second book that features rabbits as the main characters.

I don’t talk much about my book, as I’ve felt it to be very much a sacred experience and that has involved it also being a very emotional one as well.

Putting both together, this past weekend’s emotions flowing over things that came up around Cosmo and the bunnies, and my delving back into that sacred space of writing this story, I realized that I have a huge well of powerful emotions at the core of it all.

Not only are emotions one of the hardest things to write, because you don’t tell your readers about emotions by describing them or naming them. You convey and induce them by showing them and then allowing them to arrive to their own emotional responses and experiences of the worlds you create – to feel something beyond their normal feelings.

But I also find myself feeling extra sensitive about returning to these emotional places I remember in writing them in the first place and how powerfully they consumed me.

There is no separation between the writing world and real life for me.

Going back into that world feels exciting in terms of bleed-through in experiencing the realities merge, but also feels like the huge precipice of actual shift into a reality that will not be the same again, which I must be fully willing to step inside of.

There’s no return from this rabbit hole.

And there’s an ocean of emotions that are beyond the scope of this reality I feel awaiting me.

I’m not one to fear emotions and feelings.

No, this is more of a pause – a slow deliberation.

Kind of like my knee injury has forced me into slow and deliberate steps and lots of rest while healing and processing happens.

Writing the story was very emotional for me and now knowing I am needing to return back to it has my heart on edge, but not simply due to feeling these things, but what the feelings will create through completion.

I’ve poured myself into this creation, so far, even though it’s far from being complete. And having been able to step away from it has given me space from the feelings lying between the pages, as well as to reassess a lot.

And now, not only to return to them, but to dig even deeper, while making a decision that carries more weight than I may have realized, I feel is my next big challenge inviting me in.

The well of emotions is ready to pour out again.

And while that’s not a bad thing, I’m feeling the immensity of this project at a whole new level, which includes sharing another level of transparency and vulnerability past the onion layers I’ve constantly put out there, revisiting the feelings, and feeling both the scary and free of what the rabbits impregnated this story with that ignites the unknown.

Tomorrow, March 12th, marks the 18 year anniversary of my legally changing my middle name to become my official last name for life:

Tania Marie

It seems appropriate I am sharing and feeling this on the day before such a birthing into who I feel myself to be as spirit in human form this life, as a person, as a being, as a woman, as an artist, as a writer.

I’m curious what is entailed in the immensity I’m feeling around all of this, but the only way I’ll know is to leap in fully.

I’m happy I have Astrid and my rabbit friends by my side to journey deeper into the labyrinth underworld of the Cosmos.

Are any of you also feeling the immensity of something currently?

As if there’s very potent alchemy about to unfold from the next step you take?

Experience Magick Without Need for Explanation


I had this blog on my mind the last couple of days so I found it and am reposting it. I couldn’t just reblog it, as I already had once and WordPress lets you only do so one time. So I’m copying and pasting it here with different photos. Perhaps it speaks to your journey right now.

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I just can’t get enough of this photo that a sweet friend tagged me in on Facebook. It’s not mine, but it sure speaks to my life hehe! And felt perfect for this blog post.

 

When magick finds you, embrace it and allow it to wash over you like a beautiful jasmine kissed breeze or a warm, rolling summer wave of Caribbean aqua silk ocean water.

Immerse yourself and just be with it.

When you find even just a little bit of magick in your life and you try to explain it, reason it out, and catch it, most often it will go away.

There are things in life meant to be experienced with a soft, brief yet soulful gaze, a gentle caress whose effects linger but the touch is but for a moment, or like a graceful butterfly that dances lightly around you just brushing your skin with whisper kisses, but never lingers long enough to settle.

After all, these things are fragile and not meant to be held, caged, or stopped to try to control them in any way, although they will create moments of time standing still and will take your breath away.

They are moments of magick.

Logic is a need to explain, prove, reason out, or have some control over something before you will believe it.

As humans, we tend to use logic solely or at least more than other things like intuition…and so we only learn a part of the truth.

While logic helps us to reason and decide if what we learn, hear, and see makes sense to us or not, and if we would like to choose that as our experience, it can also stop us from experiencing more.

Our senses shift when we come into a physical body and we tend to lose the ability to hear our spirits or to feel what authentically makes us whole. This happens because we begin to listen with other parts of us that feel more tangible…our ear and eyes alone do the listening and seeing and the unseen parts of us, well….go unseen and unheard.

The same holds true for our touch…only things we can tangibly feel with our physical senses and hold, make more sense to us, but the things felt only with the heart and soul we tend to disregard and won’t trust or believe in them to hold the same value, let alone let them guide our lives.

So despite having so many gifts naturally innate to who we are on a soul level, we begin to let others and other conditioning do all the thinking for us and make all of our choices for us too. To the point that we are no longer guiding the course of our own lives, but allowing others to tell us how to live.

Just because something can’t be explained or reasoned out, doesn’t mean it isn’t real or valuable.

There are many things that you can’t really fully explain – like love, imagination, faith, inspiration, how things like music happen, why artists, writers, and poets hear, feel, and see what others don’t, a mother’s bond with her child that transcends all, how twins are so in tune with each other even when separated, nature’s miracles, and even the miracle of you right here and now….

Aren’t the things you can’t explain just as, if not more so, important than the things you can?

Invite a little more magick into your life without a need for explanation and your natural gifts will begin to flourish, not to mention your life will feel more fulfilling and yes…become more magickal.

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Rabbit Hole Initiations ~ Freedom & Alchemy are Ours to Choose


 

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Today, and always, I celebrate the freedom to be me and when I/we trust being myself/ourselves we will find how everything else falls into synchronous alignment. Allowing your natural essence and channel to blossom open and following that guidance directly and fearlessly you will experience greater sense of well being and greater effects of change around you. It’s when you don’t support and follow that inner guidance that you feel deadened, depleted, a loss of power, and those around you mirror similar and trigger recognition of this – true power lies in being heartfully you. So choose to trust and support the spirit within you and honor its expression, as it will guide you to the highest and most harmonious ways.

“Spiritual people can be some of the most violent people you will ever meet. Mostly, they are violent to themselves. They violently try to control their minds, their emotions, and their bodies. They become upset with themselves and beat themselves up for not rising up to the conditioned mind’s idea of what it believes enlightenment to be. No one ever became free through such violence. Why is it that so few people are truly free? Because they try to conform to ideas, concepts, and beliefs in their heads. They try to concentrate their way to heaven. But freedom is about the natural state, the spontaneous and un-self-conscious expression of beingness. If you want to find it, see that the very idea of ‘a someone who is in control’ is a concept created by the mind. Take one step backward into the unknown.” ~Adyashanti

I completed my 10 day fast and 3 days of cleansing ease-in to get slowly back into eating regularly again. And I have to say that I feel so light, clear, and more in my essence. My mom commented yesterday how my eyes have gotten so light. This seems to be one of the physical shifts reflecting from this fast and recalibration, not to mention the literal snake skin shedding of 10+ pounds of old energy I was carrying.

In all, I feel super energized and really peace filled inside and out on an increased level. I can literally feel the light flowing through and this deep sense of balance and harmony.

Definitely inspiring and freedom-invoking. Like a bird soaring on the breeze.

Today’s 4th of July marks a return to healthy eating with a deepened sense of connection to my lifestyle choices.

It also ignites new shifts in the works coming forth into my life, seeming to show through in this capture, below, just two days ago of change taking form.

Bare-faced and nature immersed… The way I feel most free. Freedom to me is being who I really am and having the courage to shine my light no matter what.

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Today also marks 6 years since my French grandpa on my mom’s side passed. He is the one grandparent I connected to most who helped cultivate my belief in the artist me, and nurtured me in that direction. We had a special bond and I know he walks beside me, encouraging me like he did when he was alive, to nurture and bring forth my gifts – believing in the creative artist I am.

He reminds me, too, to freely let that wild visionary artist out and not let anything conform to any standards, rules, and ideals of others/society in terms of that creative part of me with any of my projects. This speaks true, as even with the book I’m writing, it will not follow any parameters other than my inner guidance and creative heart – creating my own genre.

And that is freedom to me.

 

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These recent photos taken of me in the last two days really feel to reflect the deeper me I keep accessing more parts and layers of on this journey – integrating so many layers of timeless spirit. The parts unbridled and nurtured with love that I am drawing forth and have been sinking into greater comfort to share out loud.

And speaking of layers and journeys….last night’s dream was a potent one that is too far involved in symbolism to explain its meaning, but I felt to share it, as it feels very significant right now and I love writing things out to deepen the template of its birth and unfolding in my life.

The dream was set in an otherwordly dimension. I remember something/someone was following me or trying to stop me and my escape was through this journey I took – but in fact was the original focus I was on, anyway and not anything I was running from, but determined not to be deterred from.

I was traveling these parallel realities in this moving almost enclosed like rapidly moving escalator (best way I can describe it, but at the speed of light) that went forward diagonally then back diagonally and so on, along timeliness but not really past or future but different levels of now reality. (think the movie, Interstellar to sort of get a feeling/glimpse of an idea, when Cooper is in the Black Hole peering through the timeline layers of bookshelves)

I could see windows on each level with glimpses of that timeline and the people/beings/things within each. And each window/timeline was numbered.

I chose to stop at #47. (Could have age significance or numerological symbolism, as this number does in fact speak to everything powerfully – I’m 44)

I got out in what was an odd reality with people dressed creatively as if Alice in Wonderland-like combined with futuristic look that were at like a gathering or celebration. Things were sort of dark and felt like night or underground.

There was a room I entered where ahead of me was a dark tunnel labeled The Rabbit Hole with red around the black tunnel.

Now, originally this was not the destination where I was going, nor the focus of why I was traveling. I can’t remember the specific goal, but I was on a mission trying to do/fulfill something or free something, but stopped here.

I realized there was a sort of ritual or quest/game journey going on that only certainly people or initiates would undertake, which involved The Rabbit Hole.

I could feel the depths, layers, and potentially scary things needing utmost courage that were down in the dark depths where a giant White Rabbit was – but not easily found and quite the magickal trickster who I felt had a shadow side that would need cunning to outsmart.

If chosen to take on this task, you were not guaranteed survival, but you would enter the Rabbit Hole alone with only inner vision to guide you. That is, if you had the courage to find the White Rabbit.

Then a cloaked woman showed up and asked if I wanted to find the White Rabbit or set all of the White Rabbits free.

In her arms she carried black cloaks, which I would need to wear if I chose the mission and accepted the task to enter into the darkness and see if I could do so.

I agreed because I instinctively got the feeling this was the key to the bigger goal/mission I was originally on. I had to do this if I was to accomplish the bigger picture.

And so, in my dream, I was getting ready to enter The Rabbit Hole and had just done so.

I don’t remember anymore.

This somewhat seems to echo the symbolism I shared in this post of mine from a month ago today:

Follow the White Rabbit

Yes incredibly freeing life changes are a-knockin’. And it will take the greatest onpour of spirit essence into it all to manifest.

It makes sense that I took this purposeful and necessary “detour” to follow the White Rabbit, which is symbolic of the transitional journey and process, as well as the new opportunities, ideas, and paths being pursued.

And this just may be the journey calling many of us, too, right now.

Despite people’s doubts or inability to understand where I’m heading, despite the hurdles and challenges, or the shadow dynamics that will need to be journeyed through…I forge on as the artist of life I was born to be. Whom my grandfather saw in me. And whom I have the freedom to embody and choose to express however I desire.

We each do. Remember that.

(The first photo of Astrid and me reminds me almost of an Alice in Wonderland image…or a Faery with her familiar. Although Astrid is not white, she embodies the shadow I will journey within The Rabbit Hole and is also the illusion perceived in what our eyes alone tell a story to us about. The true gift is revealed to those willing to travel through the illusion and alchemy is achieved when we discover truth through the vision of our hearts. This reveals how light and shadow is within us all and what seems like a Dark Rabbit, may in fact also be the White Rabbit in disguise. And vice versa. One of the many gifts Astrid is sharing with me, as I had felt a White Rabbit coming to me – Zephyr indeed is that. However, I am learning that Astrid embodies the less obvious (the complex layers of my new journey) and is initiating those ready to work true magick and alchemy in understanding the realities of perception and true vision, along with true power.)

Be the Master Creator of Your Life ~ Invoking Your Inner Rabbit with the Energy of the New Moon


girl-in-the-magical-forest-anime-wallpaperAs I shared in my recent mid-month newsletter, rabbit energy has been abound…showing up in several potent dreams, inspired messages, nudges, and quite literally around every corner in my life.

Synchronously, I’ve learned they have been showing up for others too, as I received messages in response to that newsletter about how rabbits have been getting the attention of others or have become part of their lives as animal spirit guides.

Rabbits embody the energy of rebirth, transmutation, luck, prosperity, creative potency of the Universe, quick-thinking, high fertility of mind, body, and emotion, agility, receptiveness, Lunar cycles and cyclical life, sacred and regenerative fire of the Phoenix, dawn, Spring, enlightenment, balance, eternity, androgyny, inspiration, genius, and herald a kind of waking life resurrection and realization of increased vitality, energy, or a new-found excitement over life. Phew!

Rabbits bring a message of nurturing your intuitive impulses and nudges from your heart and soul. They are the Cosmic Egg birthing all life.

To me, the rabbit energy is collectively heralding a call for inspiration, imagination, and creativity to channel through, bring forth, and embody. It’s so important to really activate this energy now and begin today to create your own reality, which will provide expansiveness, fulfillment, and new possibilities to your life and the world at large.

Don’t wait for some desired epiphany to hit, simply begin creating with all you already have in this moment to fuel you.

And with today’s New Moon in Aquarius, and the first SuperMoon of the year, it’s all about embodying your inner visionary and being the master creator of your life! A great time to invoke your inner rabbit!

It’s a year to empower yourself, truly embrace your challenges as gifts of opportunity to go to new heights and lengths you’ve only imagined, to take “now” action, and create a new reality and life path from the release of all of the old and the closing of doors behind you fully.

Time to take those risks and challenge yourself to go a little further into the unknown with trust. You have the ability to innovatively create anew. Do the unconventional. Think outside the box. Go where you’ve never gone before and dare to make the impossible possible!

Anytime someone tells me they can’t do something, I simply don’t except it. I ask why not? Within your answer is the key to why you can’t AND why you could.

rabbit holeDown, down the rabbit hole we continue to go…

 

Spiraling round and round, creating, imagining, transmuting, expanding…

Down taking us up, up taking us down, above and below reflecting one another, they way in is the way out….

Perhaps then you come to know how to be in the world, but not of it.

This for me has indeed ignited a continual deepening journey for myself. Challenging me to listen even more through all of the voices, and to let go of who I had thought myself so far to be, while also undoing everything I uncover that is limiting.

I am shown where I hold myself back – things that are easy can seem to be the way, but if the easy isn’t challenging me and it isn’t feeling invigorating as it did at one time, then that doesn’t for me mean I should keep doing it. I could easily just be hiding behind that, and unknowingly self-sabotaging.

I choose conscious and heightened sensitivities, like that of a rabbit, in order to seek myself out.

I constantly feel the potency in inventing/birthing something new, which isn’t necessarily something “new”, but a richer embodiment of what’s innately within me being activated.

In that process I find that it is potentially more challenging for those around me than it truly is for me because I find peace in constant change and others may attach to any given point of who I am in that particular moment or time period of my life.

I find there to be expectations and attachments that simply don’t resonate with the freeing experience of creative love I choose to have.

And so that is something those of us that choose to embark on transformative and visionary journeys will need to come to terms with…finding peace within and not seeking it from outside, as only you create your experience. And then being okay with the fact you may not be understood, that others could be challenged by what you reflect, and then realize that is THEIR journey and you can’t micro-manage everyone’s life choices.

This also helps to create doorways of possibilities for others if we hold the energy of being okay with journeying there as pioneers with only our vision and trust to light a way into the darkness.

The truly loving thing is to act with responsible accountability for the choices you make and the honoring of your authenticity you seek to embody as example. The rest is a journey we each get to have to the rhythm of our own choosing.

While this journey deeper has included shifts in my personal relating to myself, others, and what channels through me, it also very tangibly translates into actual shifts I know are vital to embrace even within the work I express. And it has included both richer connections, as a result of going more within and connecting with myself.

This is why this is a time very much about my personal expressions and journeys that feel most supportive, expansiveness, and fulfilling. And by nature of that naturally channeling, it is of service in a highest good way that I feel is more powerful than trying to do something in particular to be of service or sacrificing parts of ourselves/energy in the name of what we think is service – which is like forcing your round peg to fit into a square hole. It may have worked before, but it won’t work any longer.

Authenticity of your essence is calling. All-encompassing love is the unifying source that we each creatively express through our whole uniqueness. The richness of life will come from the full exploration, curiosity, and vulnerable embrace of both the dark and the light.

For me that’s why I’m throwing out the familiar and welcoming some very ambitious new visions that are incubating. I’m in process of restructuring my life and life’s work on all levels, deepening the relationships that reflect this and letting go of the ones that don’t, inviting more personal passions – all while listening to the harmony of my heart.

And that has indeed included rabbits, symbolically and literally. (I’ve started volunteer work at a local rabbit rescue and through very synchronous events through a friend and another rabbit organization, a special little bunny may be joining our family).

Rabbits are all around me and within me…and in fact I would go as far as to say I am coming to more fully embody my own inner rabbit and magician – becoming the rabbit’s magician of my own life. Getting my Triple Rabbit tattoo certainly has been integral to integrating its potent energy into my life.

Rabbit inspiration, creative magick, and love! Are you also finding a bit of rabbit enchantment in your own?

On today’s New Moon, invite rabbit energy to inspire that sacred, regenerative fire within you to create wildly!

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