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Ask Astrid Fridays ~ The Rabbit’s Corner: Navigating the Illusion of Loss


Last night while we headed out for our second wind of the night’s outings, just as we turned the bend at the tip of the forest, a raccoon caught my eye to the left. It was no more than a day or two ago that we were having a conversation with friends where Dave mentioned not ever seeing a raccoon, opossum, porcupine, etc. and I told him – “Oh they’re out there, they just don’t show up when you want, plus you’re usually asleep when they’re exploring about. They slip through the veils when needed.” And then she did.

When asking Astrid to think about what she wanted to share for today’s message of her blog, she told me to go ahead and go out first to enjoy the snow and more snow shoeing, while she thought about it and would send me her ideas while out in the forest. And, of course she did.

While out in the forest I received two messages from her. One, was the image of the raccoon and the second was some sadness – my own – and some words “illusion of loss.” I continued snow shoeing, wondering about the tie-in and why she wanted me to go out, but it then hit me while the snow was coming down all around us and all of the forest was deep in blankets of white.

Everything around me had changed pretty much overnight since the eve of Thanksgiving, going from Fall’s warm colors and brittle leaves, to a slumber where signs of life are dormant and the purity of snow infuses its own cleansing alchemy.

It might appear like life is no where to be found, but in fact it is never gone and is in process of deep renewal – the kind you believe in, but won’t answer to your hopes until you’ve all but forgotten your dreams.

Astrid reminds me that the holidays can be very beautiful and warm times because of the love in our hearts the magick kindles, but they are also full of nostalgia, memories, and in many cases – a sense of loss, emptiness, and loneliness.

These are times people reflect on dear ones who are no longer physically with us and Astrid knows that lately we’ve heard of many souls moving on, which makes it challenging for those of us left behind with our feelings that are magnified now.

She reminds me that I, too, am one of those souls who deeply misses my dear ones and she brings this up for me to impart a message from her she knows won’t immediately take away the pains any of us feel, but assures us can be the alchemy we desire.

She prompts me to share what I’ve learned through my “losses,” while she helps channel her message through my processing. And by “loss” she means, having experienced my dearest friends that resided on Earth in animal bodies with me, returning to the stars.

So I reflected on the snow, bitter wind, and the blankets of white draped over the once colorful landscape and the feelings that flow through watery tears and sometimes cast a frozen burn upon my heart. They are one and the same….an illusion of something we think we can’t see or touch anymore in the same way, but underneath it all, remains and is ever-renewing, expanding, and preparing to blossom again and again.

She reminds me how much I LOVE the snow and its magick, even though it can be harsh and even take lives away from the creatures of Earth when her presence is thick with icy illusion.

Yet, I have not thought of snow and Winter as wrong or hurtful. It simply is another form of beauty that transforms and kindles a spark of inspiration in my heart and brings me closer to pure grace of being.

The same is how I’ve experienced physical death – when I allow myself to go through the flow of icy tears and memories, I’ve arrived at the magick of pure and simple love that suddenly drops into the true experience of eternal spirit that inhabits the vortex of my heart.

The loss is no longer truth because the gain is far more permeable and returns me to essence.

Winter. Death. They are both passing cycles and they are both ironically beautiful. Inherent in the state of each, is a remarkable alchemy that draws forth the depths of our hearts to feel things we normally want to run from or put a coat over to keep the chill out. But if we run our fingers over an icicle, we can begin to feel the burn.

This is the flame of life – the fire that raises the ashes – the burn of Cosmic love – the inferno of eternity.

Astrid knows I go through this burning continuum every time waves of memories and winds of spirit flash through me of my loved ones gone. They are a merging of then, now, and beyond, and once I move through the reminders of then, inherent is the presence of now.

The bridge becomes the heart and we become One.

I am seeing eternity through the eyes of loss and death. Just as I am seeing promise and inspiration through the eyes of Winter’s veil.

And so, raccoon reveals herself.

No longer to be hidden away in the dark, striking behind the shadows.

I/we come face-to-face with the truth.

Raccoons are known as great shapeshifters and tricksters.

Some may even refer to them as thieves, stealing away or hiding things from you in the dark of night.

Caroline Myss has written about the thief archetype saying that he, “sheds light on the potential wealth within you that can never be stolen.”

Our dear ones, our dreams, the things we think we have lost and can’t touch or experience the way we used to love, were never truly taken from us.

The only thing we ever lost was our understanding of real love.

Love that truly sees.

Love that truly feels.

Love that truly is eternal.

Love that bridges all illusions and boundaries.

Love that knows the inherent beauty in all things.

Love that brings everything into the now.

Love that expands and renews, over and over again.

Astrid reminds us that we have the strength and courage, just like fearless raccoon, to see through any difficult situation with ingenuity, flexibility, and possibility.

Like Spring inevitably comes after Winter, it is also inherent in Winter’s embrace.

They aren’t a one-after-the-other experience, but part of each other right now.

You experience things as beautiful because inherently your spirit recognizes the totality of something even if your ego and conscious mind only sees one thing.

Just as Nature recognizes our true nature and hopes to remind and reflect back to us the totality of who we are at any given moment – every cycle, every experience, every emotion, and thought are all of who we are now.

Our loved ones are all of who we are now.

They are eternally here behind the veils we erect.

And when you catch those glimpses of their spirit moving through the wind, when you feel their breath send the hairs on your arm and back of your neck to stand on end, when you see a shadow and spark out of the corner of your eye, or simply when your heart swells with enormous floods of love…you’ve pulled down the veils, removed the masks of slumber and judgment, you’ve turned on the light in the dark, and opened a locked door.

Those we love are with us and in everything around us.

We’re ready to experience the multi-dimensionality of life and open to new potentials and great change.

Astrid walks between worlds…between being grounded and on Earth and far-off in the Cosmos and although she understands the challenge we have of grasping these concepts, it is her desire to help open the portals to our hearts so we can walk with her into the realms of possibility. When we see only half the story, we are choosing to keep our lives compartmentalized.

We are choosing to remain small and separate.

We are choosing to keep those we love away from us, rather than with us.

Creatures of the night, like raccoon, can help reveal the truth of the heart and bring us the gifts they’ve been hiding away – into the light.

And what was lost can now be found.

Those that left, we’ll discover just tucked themselves away in our hearts, revealing the greatest magick trick there is – the power of love to unlock everything.

Astrid sends her love to everyone and hopes the seeds within her words take root.

A Magickal Day with Kate Magic


kate and taniaYesterday I had the chance to reconnect with my dear friend, Kate Magic, whom you may remember was the Faery that joined me in Iceland for my birthday celebration. This also gave me a nice break in the middle of my week, and take a time out for me after completing a lot of things.

Kate is out here for two weeks visiting from England, as she loves to visit California once a year. Plus, this year she’s putting on a very special, private VIP dinner party next week I have the honor of joining. This will be a spectacular 5-course raw vegan gourmet extravaganza hosted by the amazing and infamous Chef Ito at the new downtown Los Angeles Au Lac restaurant.

I’m so looking forward to it, as that day may be a big celebratory day on a personal level (news upcoming), so the timing is auspicious to say the least. I’m excited to sample her fantastic creations, as Kate makes raw vegan food the way I like it….true Faery food – light and without nuts or garlic.

I’ve sampled some of her amazing chocolate and chocolate cakes, but looking forward to what yummy surprises she has in store and getting a chance to taste a variety of goodies.

If you’re not familiar with Kate, she has Europe’s premier raw food and super food online store and resource, not to mention teaches raw food courses and is one of the best raw food chefs and authors in the world. She also just happens to be a fellow tattoo aficionado, wearing her own amazing array of sacred and magickal body art.

I love promoting conscious visionaries and magickal creators who are bridging the love and birthing the new!

Thanks to my Faery sis, Laura Bruno, who introduced us, as it’s been a truly special connection over the last 5 years, since our first meeting in 2011. We usually see each other about once a year, but this year three times! Kate and I both remarked that it is an exceptional year, 2015…and it also happens to be the year I’ll be seeing Laura again in the flesh and for our longest time together, which is huge since we’ve not been in physical presence for like 6 years or something!

But yesterday was just one of those days that remind you that the new IS here already and that it’s there for those with eyes, ears, and hearts to see, feel, and create it. And when in harmony with each other and in natural harmony with Nature, there is much to experience, manifest, and enjoy!

I already live in my own little magickal bubble (so funny because Kate has a website called “Kate’s Magic Bubble“), so it’s fun when I connect with those that also live in their own too. Then it’s like that bubble expands and the magickal possibilities just expand along with it.

So my morning kicked off with a huge Raccoon sighting on the deck. SO, in fact we DO actually have both an Opossum AND Raccoon that regularly visit our backyard.

Raccoons have a lot of interesting symbolism including understanding and revealing the nature of masks we and/or others wear, disguise, dexterity, seeking guidance, curiosity without fear, shape shifting, secrecy, resourcefulness, stealth, ingenuity, cleverness, dexterity, socializing, courage, self defense when necessary, and support during transformations.

It’s like a whole woodland enchanted realm going on here in the middle of the neighborhood that’s not rural or anything. I guess all the Faery magick, plants, fruits, blossoms, and energy are drawing in the whole animal kingdom, as we have tons of Hummingbirds, Monarchs, Ravens, and a variety of small Birds, Geese that fly over honking as their path along their transiting journeys, as well as Lizards (one of which lived in our garage a while), neighborhood and ferrel cats that are constantly roaming through and resting in corners of the yard, a Bee colony that decided the inside of our chimney was home for their hive and came through the house…you name it!

Anyway, Raccoon kicked things off and then I was off!

From start to end our day was just beautifully inspiring, healing, and igniting…definite activations at hand. Things can happen instantly…and sometimes it’s simply trusting your guidance which aligns you in the right place at the right time, connecting with a particular soul vibration in person, holding a crystal, etc. If you’re ready, willing, and open…anything can happen.

So I drove out to L.A. to pick Kate up. The weather was an amazing 80’s kind of day. We both showed up in our own Faery attire – she in a colorful shorts jumper that matched her colorful tattoos with red velvet, golden starred flats and me in a more woodlands Faery attire in teal and brown from a true Elven company that creates specifically “Faery” clothing with smokey jelly shoes with sparkles! LOL!

We first set off for Life Food Organic for lunch. I’d always heard about it and wanted to try it, so it was a treat to do so. It’s in Hollywood so parking can be a bit crazy, but of course just as we pull up, someone is pulling out of their spot and so we get amazing, easy, and quick parking.

I had the Sea Wrap (getting my Pisces on) and a Wellness Elixir as well as a Tonic. It was all fantastic and energizing. While there, Annie, the owner of Life Food Organic came through so Kate was able to catch up with her since they’re good friends. In the meantime, I was sighted by a Facebook friend I’d never met in person who came over. Really sweet soul with amazing eyes who surprised me when he said, “Are you Tania?” I’m always a little wary about who’s calling me, as I do like to keep sort of a low profile/incognito essence when out, but I was delighted when he introduced himself and we chatted about sacred tattoo designs and the possibility of me helping him with one.

lake shrine3With tummies satisfied, we ventured on to the Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine Temple, which I suggested to her as something new for us to do together, if she hadn’t been there. She hadn’t, and so it was a treat for all since it had been a while since I had myself. This is an amazingly beautiful and serene sanctuary in the middle of the city and just a couple minutes from the ocean’s edge that was dedicated by Paramahansa Yogananda in 1950.

We first made way to the Temple, which was filled with powerful stillness and only 3 other visitors meditating there at the time. We sat upfront and did our own short personal meditations and then quietly left. Kate had a powerful healing as an extension of one that came earlier in the day for her as well and I received an image of a Dragon and Swan in mine….both really powerful symbols.

lake shrine4We then continued on to the garden walk around the perimeter of the lake, stopping at different points to take in the beauty of the amazing blossoms, lake, waterfall, and abundance of animals. There were a ton of aquatic Turtles floating, swimming, sunning, a Swan couple, Mallard Ducks and new little Ducklings, a variety of Birds and Fish including beautiful Koi, one Hummingbird that said hovered and said hello, Monarch Butterflies, and amazing red/orange and lilac Dragonflies.

lake shrine2Kate remarked that it was the most beautiful place she’d ever seen. We truly felt like two Faeries in the Garden of Eden and all of the animals were coming to greet us and talk to us, particularly this one family of Turtles that just kept hanging out below us and listening to us talk.

We giggled that the male was trying to court us and we were like two Juliets on the balcony/pier deck over the water and he was Romeo down below wooing us. 😉

swansWhile we walked around the lake we suddenly just felt guided to sit on one of the benches. It so happened to have a beautiful mosaic of two Swans on it so we each sat on one of them. And no more than thirty seconds later we notice straight ahead in the sky there was a rainbow portal that appeared.rainbow portal1

None of the other few people around seemed to take note…we wouldn’t have seen it if we didn’t sit there…and there was and hadn’t been any rain.

rainbow2At first the clouds it was in were shaped like a heart and then turned into a cat’s face. Kate happens to have a soulmate cat that it reminded her of. We both got chills and felt like we were in another dimension/world. This was like a New Earth and Garden of Eden or Faery Realm. Kate was really blown over and kept remarking it was like this whole rush of something “else” had opened.

We finally ventured on as the rainbow diminished and spent a lot of time just hanging out by the water taking it all in and talking about different things.

I showed her my new tattoo and we discussed the significance of Cicadas and the Diamond essence, which are both a part of it. She was fascinated by the Cicada, which was a prelude to something you’ll see later, and their ability to wait up to 17 years to birth.

friendsWe also discussed, as we often do, the energies abound and collective themes coming up, as well as our personal processes and what we’ve learned. One such theme was that of it no longer being about “holding” space, but rather, it’s about “creating” space and that is done by us following our hearts and joys and courageously venturing forward into new realms, knowing that IS service. This trickles out collectively and it isn’t a focus of “how can I be of service?” but instead knowing being in your essence IS of service.

duck and turtle2Turtles came up because there were so many there at the lake and she asked me about their symbolism and I shared how many ancient myths, such as those of the Indigenous North Americans, describe the world as resting on the turtle’s back – many still refer to North America as Turtle Island.

And she then connected that with our seeing so many turtles that it tied in with our no longer “holding” and “carrying” energy for everyone anymore…it not being about something so heavy and demanding.aquatic turtle

And I saw how all the turtles we were seeing were all swimming and floating…these turtles were in bliss as they danced through the water. They were light, quick, free, and mutable. This spoke to the message and how our own “loads” have been lightened, if we embrace that truth. We can let go of and release the old and old ways, the baggage, the karma, the heaviness…and simply move into our grace of being.turtle

This mirrors for me, as I shared I recently lost 9 physical pounds from my two sacred journeys. It hasn’t returned. And while that’s a lot for someone small, along with it not being really noticeable to anyone, it was the manifestation of this energetic release and message at a very core level that took place and solidifies my thought on this for myself, as I do feel lighter and freer and find myself in a place right now of choices and deciding where I want to go next without any thought of what I “need” to do, but what do I “want” to do – navigating the waters of life like our aquatic turtle friends.

So we hung out for a while with just “being” in this enchanted sanctuary realm – our personal magickal bubble for the day.

lake shrineThat’s when Hummingbird buzzed in front of us and hovered to say hello. Kate had never seen one in person, but we both wear one as tattoos on our skin.

We watched the family of Turtles – mother, baby, and father playing in the water, the Ducklings following mom over to one of the Swans that was napping on shore.

swanThe male Mallards all gathering for some bonding time. Dragonflies racing back and forth in front of us and then the red/orange and lilac one dancing together. The moss covered waterfall flowing. And the sun glistening like Faery dust on the water.

This was Heaven on Earth.

We then decided to go to the beach to get our feet in the sand and water. So we made our way to the exit and explored the small museum connected to the shop on the way out. In the museum we got to experience Paramahansa Yogananda’s personal Crystal collection and wow was it fantastic! Special beings indeed.

My only sadness was that they were there behind a case, and although together with other Crystal friends, being honored and revered, as well as bringing in amazing energy to the Temple sanctuary, I wondered if there might be another way to have them be of service rather than off in a secluded little area of a tiny space.

Synchronously, the way to the beach was the same way I had to go to drop Kate back at her place, but it was also the way to another of her friends’ home in Santa Monica. She had originally talked to this friend about a potential meeting at 4pm that day because they are going to be filming a cooking episode together this weekend, but she wasn’t sure on our time together, so had said she couldn’t.

Well, after our magickal time on the beach, which I’ll share in a second, I said I could drop her there since it’s on the way as long as she can get back home. She messaged him and found out he was in fact there even though she’d said she couldn’t come, and our timing from when we ended up leaving the beach to getting her to his place was exactly 4pm, just as they originally discussed. Things just fell into place.

But back to the beach, as if things couldn’t continue more magickal…they did. We took our shoes off and left them in the car and made our way to the sand. We walked the length of the beach talking and feeling the refreshing water on our feet. As we walked we saw tons of very interesting jellyfish all along the shore that looked like little spider webbed disks…really amazing and symbolic. Then on our return walk something caught my eagle eye in the water, just after I had said to myself in my head “something magickal’s gotta happen here at the beach to end our day with.”

And there they were! A large pod of dolphins just ahead. Interestingly, Kate had asked me not too long before this if it was me she was with when she saw some dolphins on the beach and I’d said, “no.” But the dolphins said, “yes!” and created it then.

This was quite a big pod and they were not in transit, but likely were feeding on a school of fish. But they were like none I’d ever seen on the beaches here. Usually I see them just swimming up the shore, as they feed. So you get a glimpse of their dorsal fin and curved body each time they surface. But these dolphins were SO joyous and excited. I swear they were putting on a show for us and display of their happiness we were there.

We kept seeing them do little jumps and flips with full tail flutes up in the air.

We had fun watching them, as we got to the end of our walk and were now fully aligned with their location in the water.

Kate then said, “they’re going to put on one last send off for us in a big way… like fireworks and all!” We giggled, but in fact, no more than a few seconds after that, one dolphin shot straight up in the air and did a huge curved leap, splashing in the water…the biggest leap yet! And after that…everything died down and they were gone.

We smiled and said, it’s amazing the magick that is possible to create and when together with others who match that vibration of openness and pure intention, the possibilities are endless!

Back in the car we went, feeling full to the brim in enchantment, along the water and then pulled up at her friend’s place, which was just 12 minutes away – getting us there as the clock chimes in at 4pm like I mentioned. This also just so happens to be the time I had told her that I needed to head back home in order to make it by 6pm to feed the little ones. 😉

We never planned our timing and the only thing we knew we were going to do was go to Lake Shrine. The rest just unfolded, as we flowed with the natural rhythms of the day.

When we pull up to his place we giggle again, as the apartment building is decked out with lovely metal dolphins all over each of the balcony railings to the apartments. The only building like that.

We said our see-you-laters, as next week I’d get one more chance to see her before she heads back to England. And later that night, when I was home, she emails me to tell me that when she and her friend left to get her back home, guess what they see?!

A Cicada!

Full circle magick, especially since she’d been so fascinated by my sharing about them and wasn’t sure she’d seen one before.

And along with many other small things we kept seeing and had come up, it was again that reiteration of how we can create our own experience no matter what else is going on anywhere else. If we stay in the purity of our wondrous imaginations and the childlike wonder of our hearts, life dances with us.

That doesn’t mean you don’t ever have the dark times and you don’t explore the shadow…on the contrary, that’s very essential to HOW to be able to create magick…by knowing how to work the shadow and alchemical transmutation.

I can’t wait to experience my upcoming time with Laura and the magick that will take place! We’ve had some unbelievable adventures and I look forward to creating more!

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