Wow, the winds of change are blowing like crazy since last evening! Warm, wild winds welcomed us not long after we landed back in Malibu yesterday and continue rolling through this morning.
They are aligning with the transitions I’ve made, and supporting a clean slate, and swift tail wind of energy to move forward in. Thank you!
I announced some big changes for me in my February Newsletter on Saturday – you can sign up for these here with a message of your desire: Contact Tania Marie
Here is a video that I included, which summarizes the current theme I was inspired to share.
I realized yesterday how potent today – Valentine’s Day – and the energy surrounding this day has been over the last couple of years for me and my little ones with big souls.
And while I shared February’s Newsletter last evening, which focused on the importance and value of self love and individual expression, I know that my beautiful animal companion partners have been instrumental in helping me to discover the layers of myself to love.
As I shared in my newsletter, “it just so happens that things have aligned to create Valentine’s Day as my day of falling in love with myself in a renewed way….celebrating a rekindling of my relationship to myself on a whole new level, as well as beginning a transition into another leg of my journey with shifts of focus and romancing my soul’s essence in a new dance of life.”
That dance of life couldn’t have been possible without my sweet loves and the precious and valuable reflections they have gifted me. Their soul journeys and the energy they carry have been the alchemy of my life.
And, this day – Valentine’s Day – one year ago was the beginning of Cosmo and Joy’s dance together, uniting the Sacred Masculine and Feminine energies that reflected for me the union within myself I was also ready to embrace and empower.
It is so interesting to see how throughout my life I mostly had only female animal companions.
I had only one other male energy – my first male rabbit, Twinkie, but for only three months of my life before he left this Earth. He began my journey, holding that point for me on the path, reminding me I would need to revisit his energy again when I was ready.
But it appears I needed to work with the Feminine energy first, as the collective has been doing too.
And so every dear companion after Twinkie was female – all of my parakeets and then of course Nestor, Gaia, and Joy.
It wasn’t until Cosmo that the Sacred Masculine returned…when I was ready to unite those parts in a new way within myself.
As it isn’t just about the Feminine focus. We cannot forget the Masculine and we will need revisit the Male energy to integrate both in their highest potential and purity, for wholeness.
This is the symbolism of divine love through divine union of both parts to create harmony.
And Joy and Cosmo’s journey has mirrored the energies I’ve been working on within myself, simultaneously. All of what has taken place couldn’t have been possible if we hadn’t been ready to integrate the next layers.
On this day, February 14th, 2015, in Big Bear,which was Joy and Cosmo’s first travels together, they shared their first and very long, peaceful nose-to-nose connection, which is what you see in this photo below.
And since that day, it’s been the most beautiful love connection filled with mutual respect, honor, tenderness, and warmth, which evolved into this not long after:
I can’t believe both that it’s already been a year, but that it’s only been a year!
It seems like an eternal love we have shared together across time.
And speaking of love across time…I’ve had Gaia on my mind a lot recently, finding myself connecting with the Tortoise/Turtle energy and using it as example for a lot of things I talk about….”slow and steady like the turtle” I often find myself saying…or “going within like the turtle”.
I then yesterday got struck with the realization of a very poignant and memorable experience that happened with Gaia, two years ago yesterday.
On February 13th, 2014 I shared this story about Gaia, Tattoos, Lapis Lazuli & Expansive Shifts ~ The Journey Continues
And in the story was a recounting of what took place right before Gaia went into the Earth for good, and back to her expansive self without a body. I realized just yesterday the magnitude of that moment we shared now with ever greater meaning that at the time had a different meaning.
Now I understand Gaia was saying much more than a farewell for now, as since she did not return, she was actually soulfully sharing her eternal love and gratitude across space and time until our return to each other in spirit one day.
Here is the excerpt from my post of that experience we shared:
“I’d like to finish this post with the most endearing, amazing, and precious moment of reverence and love I’ve had with Gaia – I’m tearing up right now writing this. The depth of meaning to all that has been unfolding and that does in my daily life, in general, I can’t possibly express. Yet, I know many of you understand in your own unique ways with all that you experience. So some things are simply left unsaid.
This special experience happened this morning. Since Gaia returned, we washed her up and brought her indoors. The first evening she spent on her heating blanket, then fell asleep on the cold tile, likely needing to moderate her body temperature back in stages. She remained out of it and still not eating. Next morning she spent on her heating blanket and still no food, but later during Reiki training, she came marching through and made her way to my office and I later found her asleep under the bottom of my wall tapestry of Faery Queen Astranaithes – also known as the magickal Dragon Witch.
This morning when she woke up I brought her to her heating blanket and then put out some more food. This time she went to it and slowly ate several bites, taking her time to assimilate it. Then I watched what she wanted to do next, as I made smoothies and golden raisin, cinnamon scones in the kitchen. I saw her walk toward the door to the yard and looked at it, then went back to her heating blanket. I had a feeling she wanted back outside.
I went to go sit with her and check in. And this is when the most magickal moment happened.
I won’t be able to explain the magnitude, but I’ll just share what I experienced. I sat there with my hand, palm facing up, next to her, as I telepathically spoke to her. My hand started heating up like when I do Reiki and then Gaia slowly reached her right, front leg up and forward, letting it come to rest across my index and middle fingers where they connect to my palm. And she kept it there, as she then turned her neck towards me and stretched it as far as she could, looking me directly in my eyes, while we sat there – “holding hands”.
I was overcome with emotions hearing her saying thank you for everything, for trusting, and supporting her. All of the mutual respect, honor, gratitude and love we have shared through the ages all washed over us both in those minutes and we also were clear on how this journey would need to continue. I understood.
We were not only a human with her tortoise companion – leg in hand, but we were two souls meeting in our wholeness, as we recognized everything in that moment that was us and beyond us.
Tears rolled, as she then reached forward into my hand with her left, front leg and then slowly put half her body in my hand while again stretching to look up at me, asking me to lift and hold her up, as she once did for me. I held her to my heart and then knew she wanted back outside and wanted me to carry her there. I can share that Gaia has returned to the depths of Gaia – our connection and understanding deepened in mirror to the depths she will be traveling.”
I did not know then that our next meeting would be beyond this Earth experience.
And now I understand.
I understand so much more than I once have and that has come through the love and connection I share with my dear little ones.
Gaia, Joy, Cosmo, and Nestor have been my soul companions on a journey back to myself.
We have each supported one another and continue to do so regardless of being on or off Earth.
I have such a deep reverence for these souls that moves me beyond words. What they have helped me to uncover within myself could only have been through these bonds we shared.
I am deeply grateful they chose to show up with me again, this time around, as they/we knew it would be through our bond that I would evolve and work through my layers, just as I could support them with their journeys.
I have learned that love – the kind that is beyond physical love and walks the path of cosmic expansive love – is often the guiding force that trumps responsibility when we are challenged with doing what we know.
It’s no wonder that the souls in animal bodies would be the instruments to my soul’s evolution.
They know the way to my heart and my inner soul child.
And it is that heart and soul of the child within that has been the key all along.
The purity that resides there is the only mission I am driven to protect and express.
This is my little ones’ message for me…stand in the power, love, and purity of my innocence no matter what happens and takes place, for that is the sacred mystery that we seek.
And in order to do so I am my own mother and father…my own male and female partners…my own lover…my own friend…nurturing, guiding, loving, and supporting that innocence of being to sing her song she carries within her energetic signature.
Your inner soul child is simply wanting to be heard. And being heard, actually entails you have taken to heart what he or she says, and make a new commitment to do at least one small thing each day to support the requests.
These requests aren’t simply whims, but reflect a deeper knowing that will likely surpass your ability in the now to comprehend, but if you take the trustful steps to support them and do what it takes to integrate what could be of assistance to that process, the results will bless you beyond measure of any one thing you feel lacking and have been chasing after.
A new kind of clarity and understanding is available to each of us. It will awaken and shift you the instant you recognize and embrace it. And it will always keep you in check so as to alert you of imbalances where you can then make different choices that will harmonize and return that balance that is so needed for everything to flourish.
This will also help you to become more attuned to the natural world that will move you in divine cycles, rather than struggling against them to create artificial ones.
So, where are the barriers to your self love?
Removing the veils and masks will help you to be real about how you feel, not hiding behind what you think you “should” be feeling, saying, or showing to others.
If you can’t be genuine with something – and you know when you’re not – then take time to explore what’s behind that.
This is a time for opening up and expanding into more authentic love and compassion for self, others, and all of life.
Make this Valentine’s Day be the day of romancing YOUR soul’s essence in a new dance of life.
Today’s Leo New Moon is all about authentic self-expression, personally channeled creativity, dynamic individuality, heart-centered love, and vitality.
So today’s a good time, if you aren’t already, to see how you’re doing with shining from your heart and singing your song – then extending that out to every day of your life in consistent continuation.
Leo is ruled by the Sun, and both are connected with the heart. So the more you love yourself, share authentic love with others, and express love through all that you do and create, the more you embody the Sun.
Nokan Inti Kani – I AM THE SUN
I had a dream last night about a magick pendulum. It was an amazing pendulum that somehow I manifested and I was discovering all of its gifts it had for the first time.
As I held it from its chain it would start to spin on its own in any and every direction. It could be directed by my hands and thoughts as well and would morph into different shapes and objects. The more creative I was, the more it would do.
If it was spinning and I placed my hand or fingers near it with intention, it would stop in mid-air and do as my hand and thoughts guided. It also would do this simply as an extension of me without necessity to physically direct it with my hand, but I began to see that it was mirroring the myriad of endless creativity within me to constantly shift and create as much as I utilized my creative energy to keep channeling new possibilities.
I then asked it to show me things, which it did through morphing and changing its dance as messages to me. And then I asked it show me a symbol for my new direction in life now, given I am embarking on a whole new trajectory.
That’s when I was woken up by my bunny, Joy, making noise in my office across the hall and so the dream ended.
I took that as a message that it’s up to me to create whatever I want and from here on out, just as I had received as message before, nothing is solidified, contracted, or known. I have the joy of a whole new creative slate to start painting on anyway I want and to change it at any and every moment.
I realized that this magick pendulum was a reflection of me and demonstrated the innate power I had within to create anything I wanted, but that I also had many new and undiscovered gifts that were ready to emerge and simply needing me to engage them now for a new journey in life beginning.
And so do each of us.
The dream also reminded me of the Magician card in Tarot and how we can be masters of the elements, as well as both Universal energy and the physical to manifest and make use of all of our powers, as an extension of Source.
The Magician is about applying your creative forces with conscious awareness and intentional focus to claim your power.
It is number one in the Tarot deck, which is the number of new beginnings. He’s the bridge between the spirit and physical realm where you can channel Universal energy through you and direct it to physical plane for manifestation.
As the number one card he’s all about messaging you that you have the ability to access your creative power and energy to create a completely new cycle of life.
And so too, are New Moons about new beginnings.
Coupled with Leo’s dynamic, creative self-expression, you have supportive energy to assist you in becoming a Magician in your own life right now and create anew and create with authentic boldness.
So how are you shining your light through authentic and creative self-expression?
Every moment is opportunity to write a new story for yourself and access your own inner Magician.
Days like today’s New Moon, are merely reminders of what we always have available to us and assist you in understanding the cycles of energy you have to work with currently that you can harness in your life for greater vitality.
As a result of being out of touch with their senses, people walk through life completely oblivious to their surroundings and the impact their choices and footprint create on the environment and everyone and everything in it, as a whole.
It’s as if feeling is a foreign invader that we either don’t want to know about (ignorance is bliss) or we want to completely eradicate altogether.
We’re taught to narrow our attention and always obsess over the future, while clinging tightly to the past. But this merely leaves us unable to function in the fullness of who we are in the present.
And, in so doing, we rely on others and so-called “experts” and “authority” figures to make decisions for us. It is a way to not take responsibility with a convenient excuse that we’re too busy or haven’t the ability to understand how we truly feel in order to even make a choice or have an opinion.
So it becomes easier to allow others to choose that for us.
People have run away from authenticity of feeling and replaced this with surrender to what is socially acceptable.
And what does this create?
A build up of explosive, unexpressed feelings that get triggered when you least expect it, and all versions of suppressive and numbing substances and behaviors to stuff those feelings even more deeply.
And then blame is attached to these secondary reasons for our suppression…all simply due to our learning to deny emotional feelings and messaging and continuing to accept that this is acceptable.
Come back to yourself.
Embrace every emotion and sensory feeling, as therein lies the gift of your humanity.
So today I began a new rebirthing cycle, as I celebrated another year upon this Earth plane. And it was like any other day-in-the-life of me, with the added infusion of a little extra self-honoring and gratitude I chose to gift myself with.
Yet, it seems that the Universe had it’s own surprises in store, including one of the things I’ve been wishing to do for a while – to kiss a Starfish.
But let me step back for a moment to share a few thoughts that have been percolating the last few weeks.
For one, I’ve been reflecting on how excited I’ve been to continue moving forward in my life and now on my way to 50. I know that may sound strange to some, but I smile and giggle each time I think of my chronological age.
I have no concept of what 50 is “supposed” to be, however I do know that 50 in my world, or any other age for that matter, is simply how I feel and express myself at any given point of experience.
So turning 41 today, to me, is no different than being 5, or 11, 23, 75, or even 11,000 years of age. As, for me, I know that my soul is eternal and timeless and that I both exist as ancient and freshly new, simultaneously in each and every now moment. This is because we are the ever-shifting Source constantly recreating itself, but that always is and always will be.
All I know is this experience of what I am feeling and seeing through my eyes right now. The only difference between now and then, or later, is the seasons of change my physical Earth body may go through, but my feelings, thoughts, and Cosmic soul essence are as alive and vibrant as the Source from which they emerge. And these things will actually reflect in your physical body and how it “ages” as well.
I wrote a blog last year on turning 40 that you may enjoy, so I don’t really want to recap much from that, but I will share a few thoughts that have stuck out to me recently as focal points.
The more I vulnerably open and deepen into natural and relaxed harmony of my personal and home frequency, the more I realize things that take me out of the experiences I hear about and observe around me. It’s not that I am not aware of things, but I simply don’t experience the things in the same way that others may be experiencing what is surrounding their external world, and in many cases am experiencing completely different things.
That said, I certainly do understand why we have certain feelings and reactions to things, but there’s increasingly become an experience of feeling peace with everything and being able to create a different reality that exists parallel or, say, overlapping to the one around me.
I hear from others that this is also increasingly their own experience. And while we are sharing this journey together, it is indeed becoming more and more clear just how much we can affect and shape our world and our experience of it, merely through our own internal reflections, choices, and integrative processes.
All of it being beautiful and perfect, without judgment, rights or wrongs, nor higher, better, lower, or worse. Simply different ways to create what we choose to experience for experience sake and to assist Source with learning about itself and the infinite possibilities that are its/our free will to walk in.
These choices and growth cycles come with times of contraction, in order to create huge spurts of expansion. Within the contracting may be pains, facing fears, and feeling the challenges to their depths, but then that naturally comes with the counterparts to all of these, as we partner in the dance of life and make leaps forward, sideways, and ALL ways. And this natural pulsing of going within, then emanates more largely with each cycle, as it begins to remember and experience the fullness of All That Is while still enjoying every unique expression within that Source field.
At times we dip into the shared pool of experience in all ways – this being when we feel things that feel foreign to our natural frequency that provide us moments of moving in and out of these feelings at conscious will – and then we expand out in a way that encapsulates the pool, hence able to observe and interact with all of it, but as a loving bubble who has the ability to hold the space for the next wave of contractions to expand from the pool within.
Perhaps that’s more esoteric than I had planned to be, but I have also learned to go with whatever wants to be expressed in the moment without filtering.
That leads me to another thing I have been pondering, which is this natural self-expression I have increasingly, over time, experienced with utter gratitude. The “older” I have grown, the more I have stepped into this and for this reason also, I honor the years I’ve grown into and that are yet to come, as each one keeps revealing more and more beauty I am enjoying to experience and share with others.
There was once a time I would have censored my words, thoughts, and feelings, perhaps afraid to state them for what people might think, because I lacked the confidence to just say what I felt, the courage to stand out if that in fact would be the result, to not hurt others by my way of being a truth revealer that always felt things as they actually were and not what others were telling me, and was very scared to reveal my vulnerability and share the depths of me because I may get hurt.
There was once a time I cringed to share my art with others and even my very first website was something I was really shy to share even with dear friends because it was the first time I put myself out there in a way that said, “here is who I am and who you never knew I really was.”
I’ve also been pondering the “definitions” we have and create around everything. While I am grateful for the opportunity to express myself verbally and in writing and to be able to write in ways and in a language that others can understand and perhaps find valuable, supportive, or inspiring in some way, I will time and time again admit how much I also feel that words are far too limiting and can be a form of entrapment for us.
I see this so much, as people get hung up on words that people use, especially when in writing, since we can’t see the person saying them, don’t know for sure that person’s meaning, and have our own learned and conditioned beliefs and definitions about words and expressions that we have come to understand over time and that can trigger responses from past experiences with them.
I find that people easily can focus on one or two words and miss the bigger picture, because those words stand out for any or all of the reasons I just gave.
Because of where we are in each moment, what we read or hear will always have different meaning for us as well, and which of course is part of the beauty and value, as we can learn and grow with every word spoken or read.
We all have different filtering and interpretation systems and so it is nearly impossible to say or write something that will always be taken in exactly the way we intend and hope it to be. But what I have learned is that it really doesn’t ultimately matter, and while I prefer telepathy and/or using things like sound, music, art, and symbolism to project the essence of what I am wanting to convey from my heart, it simply is important to be expressing what you feel in each moment from your heart. And, to detach from judging or worrying about how all the different ways what you say may be taken, as you will never know that. You can only be as responsibly committed to speaking your authenticity and using present, wise-discernment based on your own knowledge of your processes and how you react to things.
I have learned to share what feels important in each moment and to realize that the next moment I may feel completely different. Why? Because I recognize that my writing or speaking is a form of processing, healing, and integrating…it’s just energy being energy, which simply wants to be expressed, but never intended to be attached to, judged, repressed, or blocked.
So I have become accustomed to realizing I will change moment to moment, day to day, month to month, etc – just as Nature does. And to let go of worrying or wondering how that will be seen or experienced by others. I’ve learned, as I’ve grown, to just move from moment to moment and embrace that it doesn’t ever really matter if others understand my ever-shifting expressions, life choices, and experiences. I’ve learned to live my life out loud, and to recognize and accept the world as my classroom, rather than the inside of my bedroom or mind to solely be that.
I’ve come to be okay with making so-called “mistakes”, stumbling, looking awkward as I grow, or saying something that makes no sense in my spiral efforts to keep moving energy in order to flow into the next phase of my growth expansion and experience.
And while I do this, I also do my best to support others to do the same and remind myself that they are merely spiraling along their own contractions and expansions to embrace more of their own pulsing hearts.
There are a lot of things that have been on my mind, and likely they will show up in future blogs, as they each could have their own story, but these for now felt to stand out to share as part of the journey in arriving to this 41st Birthday and into my 42nd Earth year of this life.
I feel it is so vital to open ourselves up more and more, so that we are ready and willing to receive all that is innately abundant and available to us. Once we are in alignment with the essence of Source that runs through our individual expressions, we will find life to flow in synchronous, harmonious, and miraculous ways. It is this Divine self within that knows, and within that knowing is also the ability to discern and dissolve patterns that will not only free you, but your entire lineage, since we are connected and every effort trickles out.
Revealing your truth is scary, I know, but it is more scary NOT to and to experience all that comes along with not doing so, than it is to take that step over the threshold of fear.
I experienced some symbolic potency over the last couple of weeks that included getting my last magickal tattoo, having a very expansive growth experience skiing and utilizing Reiki to support my challenges with it, feeling a huge download and shift take place while a coyote spoke outside my open window, moths all over the inside of my car yesterday (my vehicle in life – symbolic of me while moths have their own magickal symbolism), a dream last night where a bobcat (an advanced teacher definitely assisting the next stage of this journey) was standing and walking on top of my body while I slept and another dream where I was calling in to a radio show prompted by waiting for the exact timing, which got me through immediately and with the right answer to win, celebrating one of my greatest birthday gifts two days ago with the 5th anniversary of Joy coming home with me, and today ending with a prompting to go to my favorite beach by myself in the middle of my “normal” day and being gifted a baby Starfish, literally stumbling upon and surprising a Great Blue Heron, a Sealion swimming by me, an Ocean kiss from a wave that drenched me, and finishing off with two guys singing on the beach with their guitars as I walked by with the words “It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day!” floating through my ears, and ending with my Hawk friend waiting for me on the light post near my home, as I returned there.
And if you know the lyrics to this song, it definitely has some powerful symbolism. If you don’t, sing these with me:
“I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all the obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day. I think I can make it now, the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for. It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.”
As I just finished writing that I just got a surprise dozen red roses. Feeling truly grateful and filled with love enough to make my heart burst wider!
And that leads me to how I first started this post, and with the surprise gift I mentioned the Universe gave me.
When I first got to the beach I thought to myself, “It sure would be awesome to see a Starfish friend.” And literally 10 seconds later one little baby one – smallest I’ve seen – revealed itself to me. It was the only one during the 2 hours I was there that I saw and it was in the most hidden place that no one would have seen. I was so grateful, and that magick continued with the encounters shared above.
I had always had the intention of wanting to kiss one of my Starfish friends to show them my love and appreciation for the joy they bring me when they show up.
So I intended this to be before I left the beach.
When I got back to the place the Starfish was, the tide was now much higher and waves were rolling in over the rocks it was at. I had my Lapis Lazuli with me and had along the way found this beautiful translucent icy stone I intended to leave as a gift for the Starfish. I also intended to kiss it, as well as let it sit and absorb some of the Lapis Lazuli’s energy I had been working with along my walk.
So I stood with water knee deep, waiting for the waves to roll out and in between each time I laid my Lapis with it, then the next time buried the stone gift next to it, and the last time got on my knees, bent down, and kissed it lovingly. The next thing that happened was a wave came crashing in and kissed me. 🙂 Happy Birthday indeed.
I feel that everything experienced is such an amazing gift. Even when things go “not as we planned” and don’t feel so good, it is such a gift too – and that includes when “waves come crashing down upon us”. We just don’t realize it in that moment, but later, we come to see it simply as that contraction, like the waves going out, and that expansion, like the waves crashing with exuberance back in.
I’d like to close this off with the words from the birthday card my parents sent me, which were so meaningful to me. My parents have experienced me in all of my crazy, weird, quirky, colorful, lows and highs and didn’t always understand me, nor did they always feel as they do now. But as you read these words of their card, you’ll not only see how when we make the changes to embrace and stand in our authenticity that we affect others in doing the same and/or to see you in the light of the beauty you really are, but you will also come to see a very brief (but MUCH layered) summary of the things I have moved through with great challenge, and now with much larger embrace, to this 41st year I walk in.
For Our Daughter:
Strength to try anything,
talent to succeed,
courage enough to fail,
wisdom to learn,
and resilience to bounce back
these are the things
that make you who you are.
We’ll always be proud of you.
I am keeping my heart open and embracing the fortuitous waves that I trust will lap on my shores, the more that I do. 🙂