In Monday’s blog post titled Things You’ve Been Curious To Know I opened things up here to any questions you might have for me that you’ve been curious about. I’m going to go ahead and post the first eight that I’ve received while I have some time to write some thoughtful answers.
Thank you for the great questions. I hope they provide a little extra look into who I am and perhaps even reflect something timely for you, as they certainly come at a synchronous time for me since I’ve just accepted Barbara Franken’s October Challenge – A True Selection of Awakening Experiences Part III to share my thoughts on the next leg of my journey since my Part II contribution. This will be shared on October 22nd.
Until then, here are my thoughts to the following questions received:
Was there a particular moment or thing that felt pivotal for you or made a difference in who you are now?
Well, that’s a tough one to answer in one swoop, as there are several things that come to mind. In some cases they were sudden click-ins of realizations, in others they were pivotal choice-points, and yet others were specific experiences that affected me in more profound ways than others. But if I’m honest with all of it, although each of the things that come to mind helped make a shift, in many ways they weren’t strong enough to take full hold at the time. And so, I had to keep experiencing several similar types of things to hit all levels within me for greater leaps. That said, I would then have to say the stand-outs really are when I made the decision to stop searching for some miracle answer, stop working with others to give me answers I wasn’t recognizing I already had, stop searching for wholeness through relationships, and embraced my individuality. In terms of people, my brother was pivotal in helping to refocus what was most important and kept me on track in my earlier years. In terms of places, Egypt was the greatest trigger power spot that helped activate the greatest remembrance and empowerment on my two sacred journeys-of-return there. In terms of love, my twin soul in rabbit body, Nestor, reminded me of what was most important, who I am, and helped me see the truth. And in terms of game-changers, deciding to leave everything behind to explore my options when I was offered a choice to return to the stars for good, go off and live in an RV for a year and a half immersed in Nature, and letting go of all that I knew for what is most reflective of my heart now, was the greatest choice I made and provided a new lease on life to merge my Earth and Cosmic self in a new, more authentic and freeing experience.
What fears do you have or still struggle with?
The fear I work with the most is my fear of heights. I continue to implement processes that help me move through it. It is not an all-encompassing fear of heights, as I have no fear of flying, para-gliding, etc. It is a fear of standing, walking, or climbing on edges of drop-offs. It speaks to me about my having always felt more comfortable “out there” and of not being grounded, but flying freely and feeling most at home in my imagination. I have been able to work through this fear the most in recent years because of my willingness to be more in my body now, whereas I was always not fully here. My coming into more anchoring in my life, feeling at home and secure in my body, loving myself, and understanding the importance of merging spiritual and physical in order to live fully and manifest on this plane of existence are the factors that are helping to integrate this now. It does no good to have dreams if we aren’t actualizing them…that’s what it boils down to for me. So, spending tons of time in Nature and embracing the reflections as the nature of me, and being willing to challenge myself to greater heights of experience that don’t follow in the vein of what I’ve always done and comes easy, is also aiding this process. I now put myself in situations like hiking mountains and the Grand Canyon, skiing, and embracing new mountains of experience to climb in my life. I am now able to support myself through this and the fear no longer controls me. With patience and love, I am my own support system.
I always had the fear of speaking in public since Kindergarten. It was not there before that, so was triggered by changes that took place in my life. It took most of my life to get to the point where I could do this and teach and lead classes and retreats. But I did it and it also was one of those things I nurtured my way through and in that case listened to trusting myself and letting go of judgments in order to find my natural flow with it as well. I can’t say this fear is fully gone, as I don’t know that things ever fully leave us, but instead we learn to manage, process, and make friends with them so that we are not taken over and controlled by fear. Instead, we become masters of our fears and learn how to utilize them most effectively for the gifts they have to teach us.
You always seem so happy. Is this how you are all the time?
Thank you for that reflection! Well, the truth is, rather than “happy” I would likely say “at peace”. That said, yes I’m the happiest I’ve been at this time in my life, but it stems from a sense of peace and inner harmony that has settled after many many years of struggle and inner turmoil. If you see me smile and enjoying myself now, I truly am feeling that from deep within me, whereas for the earlier years of my life it would have been a mask I wore so as not to reveal what was underneath. However, if you were to see photos of me from my past compared to now, you would intuitively see that turmoil and how the joy wasn’t fully embodied back then. I do feel peaceful and happy nearly always these days. Does that mean I don’t experience any other kinds of emotions? Of course not, but I will say that if anger or sadness about something comes up, it honestly just moves right through me and doesn’t come to settle or last more than moments. I don’t judge feelings, but rather observe them, recognize them, and allow them their space to be. Because I’ve built over many years, a strong sense of peace and self, I’m not thrown by emotions, they don’t overcome me or control me, and they don’t surprise me. I’m so grateful for the solid sense of peace I’ve worked hard at, which isn’t easy when you haven’t felt at home most of your life on Earth or in your body. I’m sure you can relate.
I love your stories about Astrid and the bunnies you’ve had close relationships with. Well, all of your animal stories are special, but why do you think rabbits are around you so much?
Aw, thank you! My bunnies are my best friends, so that means a lot to me that sharing their stories and our relationship reflects something meaningful to you. Good question, though. I’ve always been strongly connected with animals since I was a little one – more so than with people for sure. My very first furry animal companion (as I mostly only had parakeets when growing up) was a rabbit and later in my late twenties my rabbit, Nestor found me and since then I’ve realized they are my true familiars – although miss Gaia (my Russian Tortoise) and rabbit counterpart made it into my life as well. But as to rabbits, they truly feel to mirror me the most and although I’m moved by animals in general – rabbits stir something in my heart and soul that no other can. They are pure magick to me and complex beings. They take another level of commitment to understand and really need presence, intuition, centered peace, integrity, and purity to interact with. Perhaps I see myself in them and understand them because they are so like me. Perhaps it is their wisdom of working through fears and timidity that I have had in my life, as shared previously, that supports me and vice versa them including with things like social situations and an overload of people’s energies we’re both sensitive to. Perhaps it is their connection with creativity, abundance, and that fertile Spring energy of joyous blossoming that my birth placement as the Empress and a #3 life path reflects. Perhaps it’s their innocent exuberance and playfulness that I adore. Perhaps it’s the dichotomy of their gentle and delicate nature combined with an inner ferociousness available to them if needed that I love. Perhaps it’s their cleverness and spontaneity that I love as a free spirit always thinking of new, creative ways to do things. Perhaps it’s their connection to the Moon and Cosmos, as well as their deep Earth love in perfect harmony. Perhaps it’s because like Faeries, they are creatures of the twilight and so most certainly are best friends to Faeries like me. Yes, it’s all of these reasons and in every way they feel the most mirroring of how I feel myself to be. And for this reason they are the most profound animal spirit guides for me, although I have many other animals around. The spirits that I have strongest connections to that assist me with things this life, come into rabbit bodies for that reason.
What was the worst experience you’ve had and how did you overcome it?
Hmmm, another good question. Gosh, I’ve had a lot of challenging and tormenting experiences in my past – contrary to what it may seem like now. To pick one is hard, but I guess I’d have to turn focus on when Nestor, my twin soul in rabbit body, left Earth. It was the most heart and soul wrenching experience that tore me in half along with her when she separated from her body back to the stars. It was hard for me to grasp the idea I needed to ground myself more and be more of this Earth, when the one I loved most dearly had gone back to where I truly called home. I went into a depression and felt my world crash down upon me. Her leaving also catapulted a huge life shift, divorce, and needing to figure out how to really get on board with the path I’d laid before me and step up bigger. I can’t say that you truly ever get over something like this, as I can always find tears swelling if I think about my bunny loves who have departed. But you can find strength through that pain and a new reason for living from a deeper place of authenticity and love. My heart break both tore me apart, but also cracked me open. And in cracking open, I keep finding new depths of love I didn’t know possible and that comes through acceptance of other emotions like sadness and pain. I remembered that she wanted me to embody wholeness without projecting that onto her. I remembered that I came here for a reason and that there is no real separation. She reminded me she’ll be with me, within me, and by my side all the way and to give up would also give up on what we had together promised to share. I remembered that living fully as the expression of who I am was her greatest desire for me and it became my own. And so, it was through my creative passions and focusing on living the best version of myself that I could, that I found my way out of the depression and the more I did, the more she showered me with gifts from the stars.
Is there anything you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self or share with others as wisdom you gleaned?
Probably the key thing that comes to me is to trust myself. It’s what I always did as a very young child and what I lost once conditioning set in. Everything we need to know and all answers truly are within. NO ONE can give that to you. It’s why I shifted my focus from being what felt like people’s crutches or temporary fix to wanting to purely empower people – I don’t want people feeling they need me and so I started drawing lines for them in the work I used to do. I know we’re each at different places with this and some nurturing, reflection, and support is helpful and can guide you, but truly until I loved, supported, and removed myself from tethered crutches, I wasn’t living fully as my potential, nor in my true power. Nurturing and remembering the song within me has made all the difference, and singing it regardless of what others are doing, is what anchors in peace.
I struggle in the relationship department and with self-love. I’m curious if there’s anything in your experience with relationships that stands out as helpful to share?
Well, this is a tough one, as we all know that self-love IS key and until we feel a strong sense of that we will continue looking for love in all areas of our lives – whether through relationships, addictions, or any next-fix. So for me, I noticed that every single challenge I had in life I kept attracting relationships that would play that out for me if I wasn’t getting the picture. And while that eventually made sense and I was able to start seeing it for what it was, I also realized I didn’t have to keep projecting these things into my relationships and rather, could reflect back on myself and my relationship with the challenges at hand. I also used to tell people I was in relationship with, what they needed to fix and work on, or hoped for change via them. AND, when the going went tough, I’d either continue staying far too long, or made a bee-line for the first open door. It wasn’t until I decided to accept people for who they were (knowing that letting things be will work themselves out naturally as to the truth of a situation made by each person’s choice), practice what I preached and decided to be an example of the change I wanted to see, focused on my own passions and what I needed and wanted to do for myself, and made commitments to work on things fully and see them through, rather than find the easiest escape route, did I experience peace and the ability to function in a healthy relationship – all because I was ultimately having the kind of relationship I wanted with myself.
And last, although this one wasn’t specifically a question sent via my Contact page and was a bit more general, I still wanted to answer it in a way that does feel more personal, so I’m rewording the question to fit more of the theme.
The original question was: Do you have any Magickal Beach Spells you would like to pass along? (It came from someone who lives a block from the Atlantic Ocean and had recently visited the long deep beach due to the New Moon low tide, discovering some treasures and was curious about magickal suggestions)
I’m rewording the question to: Are there any magickal beach rituals or spells you’ve found particularly useful and supportive in your life?
Well, being a Pisces, this is a great question and one that feels close at home since the ocean, or any body of water in general, is my native love. I find the ocean very cleansing, expansive, and rich with creative possibility. She teaches me about unpredictability, resiliency, flow, and the Great Mystery available at her depths. Here are a few things I’ve done over the years at the beach or with the beach/ocean energies that have been helpful and powerful. When wanting to let something go I’ve sometimes placed a small object of meaning or symbolizing something in my life at water’s edge or written a word or phrase in the sand at water’s edge. My intention is strong when doing this and in letting the tide wash it away or take it away, I intend I’m letting go fully and being cleansed of the thing in my life. I hold the vision of the pattern or thing lovingly returning to its origin and me to my own. I have also done powerful rituals of throwing something into the ocean that I’m done with. For instance, while in Bimini on the last retreat I hosted there, I let go of a necklace with three very important pendants on it to me that represented my soul contracts I had that were complete and in doing so I was stepping away from that way of life and service I no longer was willing to perpetuate and ultimately had completed. This helped begin to pave the way for the new to catapult into where I am now. I’ve also done similar with a dream or wish where I meditate at water’s edge and write something in the sand or put a symbol of something about that dream or wish there and let it be carried by the tide to the powers of the sea with intention of being cleansed, old washed away, and the new coming in with a new tide’s cycle – particularly good at New Moon.
I have also brought home seashell gifts and used them atop the soil of my garden tower, around the perimeter of our home, and in my office for protection (since these shells are like safe homes for sea creatures just like that of a tortoise and carry a strength and resiliency with them as well. I will place these with intention and could also be done at particular time periods like Solstices and Equinoxes, Moon cycles that feel connected, etc.
I also have gathered sand, a little ocean water, or treasures to use as element holders in ritual intentions I may cast, in a sacred altar space, for a ceremony, or as ritual I may do in the forest as offerings. Sand is great to cast a circle with as well!
I’m so grateful for these very thoughtful questions and I hope they share a little more insight that helps you get to know me more. It’s a great challenge to review things like this in my life and also a great way to reflect and honor the growth I’ve experienced.
I feel that it’s a powerful and healthy thing for each of us to realize how much we have changed and recognize the work we’ve done.
I hope you can find gratitude for yourself and the ways in which you’ve shifted your own life, as I know you have even more than you think. Just take a glimpse back and I’m sure you’ll see that too. Then please do give yourself a big hug…and one from me….for being you and doing your best.
Stay tuned, as I’ll be announcing the new blog series in the next couple of weeks.
Thank you so much for your constant love and support!
Sending so much love out to everyone during this swiftly shifting and potentially intense time.
The one thing I know is that if ever I’ve felt alone, Nature assured me I had more friends than I could count.
Every bit of magick I believed in and experienced, She whispered reiteration of to me.
Every question I couldn’t understand, She unraveled the simple mystery of before me.
Every Cosmic connection I referenced that met with rolled eyes elsewhere, She clarified with no need to defend.
If lost, Nature reflects the Harmony that always Is.
Just a short post in the vein of gratitude and self-love. It seems to be a pivotal time for everyone right now. I have heard from a lot of people who are going through some intensities, holding points while things evolve, but also big growth spurts that present their own challenges. Overall, a lot seems to be asked of you and may also seem to be coming at you. A reminder to breathe in the love that you are and to take those moments because it’s so crucial not to neglect your well-being during these incredible shifts of potential.
Don’t forget to be grateful for every little thing. The gratitude challenge I invited you on wasn’t just about those 11 days, but hopefully to instill a mindful practice that can help shift the energy in the moment of despair.
Don’t forget to experience all things from your heart, with understanding, presence, patience, curiosity, love, and seeing each person, animal, plant, and child of Earth, as if they are you and listening and responding to them in the way you would want and need if you were in their shoes.
Don’t forget about loving yourself with all of your might, which also means to establish boundaries that maintain your health and ability to come from a place of greater wholeness.
Some of you are stepping out more and that level of vulnerability can be taxing as well, while you learn to temper the inner critic and doubts with more trust and courage.
All of this is asking you to love even more and, foremost, love yourself even more.
I have a lot going on right now, myself, and am busy preparing for Laura’s visit and our upcoming Equinox workshop event in two Saturday’s from now, have been running around doing errands and a lot of tedious things to FULLY clear my slate so I can give my attention to the only focuses I will soon have come October 1st, been supporting my mom through a rough bout of shingles, and doing my own best to stay grounded, keep balanced, and take care of me.
This has definitely included not being available to engage a lot of things that come at me, or to limit my engagement, because frankly I just can’t energetically be there right now. In my past I would have to the detriment of myself and in the end was no example for anyone of thriving.
To me, that was surviving and enduring through self-sacrifice and ultimately falling into an enslavement trap that feels so conditioned in us all on a very deep, bigger picture level. And enslavement can also be to these “ideas” of what we think we need to do or who we’ve been suppressed into accepting we are as a conditioned reality.
I’ve come to learn that the only thing for me truly to do is live kindly, and love strongly. That nothing really matters except expressing the creative wonder in my heart and embracing the richness available in every moment that slips by us.
Make time for loving you and living every dimension of life as art.
I won’t be blogging on my birthday, which is this Monday 2/26, so I thought I’d share some thoughts in a post, today, on this nine year anniversary of Joy’s arrival into my life – one of the greatest birthday gifts to date! Although age is meaningless to the eternal spirit, it IS interesting to reflect on all of the judgments and ideas we have around age, which also deters people from humanly acknowledging it, as well as determines life protocol for many to try to reverse it or even speed it up. Although, I’ve never taken issue to stating my age, I have been guilty of all of these things in my past.
In fact, rather than be afraid of or feel protective of my age to the degree of feeling it is no one’s business, I was quite the opposite, where I was adamant to share my age because I could feel the judgments of others upon me and my insecurity around that to blast through their ideas about me. In part, this was my own projection, but being an intuitive, it was largely in response to knowing what people were thinking, and wanting to nip that in the bud immediately.
I recall having meaningful conversations with people in my past and knowing by my outside appearance and things they alluded to, like asking what school I was going to (when in fact I was way past high school and college age) and the way they looked at me in a protectively patronizing way, that they weren’t taking me seriously. Coming from a past of “feeling the need to prove myself” anyway, this of course was my perfect experience called up to move through that.
But, at the time, it just made me want to blurt out how old I was because I knew the connotations attached to age that obviously I was buying into, too, as a sensitive and boundary-less Pisces. So, rather than hide my age, I wore it on my sleeve. And perhaps that might run deeper than simply this, as I also knew the ancient aspects of spirit and to come back again on Earth, starting all over, might even feel demeaning.
Although I know it is a gift and meaningful choice, now, there would definitely have been unconscious anger or resentment over incarnating – an experience locked deep in our DNA, I feel, as a whole, for many reasons.
And so, there I was fighting back with announcing my age, to appease my feelings that not only in fact what I had to say was meaningful and important, but my incarnating here had purpose I was trying to remind myself with this declaration.
I’m not sure if I’m conveying this in the depth of potency it has, but in realizing and understanding this, it made a huge shift and got more parts of myself aligned and on board, rather than having an internal fight against myself, which only adds to the depletion of self love and creates more fragmenting and less empowerment.
The greatest battle and ongoing war, is truly the one within and I believe it stems from so much subconscious anger at our humanness.
And this made sense, as I always felt more inhuman and thus laid ahead a journey of merging and a return to natural harmony.
Then there was the young me wishing I was older and wanting to race through the years as fast as I could because I not only knew my younger years would be the hardest, but I also soulfully knew it wasn’t until later, in my mid-forties, that I would find my peace and really start “living.” A cruel form of intuitive vision when you know you STILL have to go through the years to get there. Yet, I wanted to escape, as much as I knew I couldn’t.
And still yet, there was the me who bought into these ideas of physically reversing age. Mind you, not in any fanatical way, but I was aware of ways in which one could “look” their best and all of those catch phrases even in the spiritual community that are about longevity, reversing the clock, ways one “should” look or how life should look if you are “ascending,” and what you “should” be able to do and accomplish if you are in fact turning back the sands of time.
I still marvel at this messaging and collective-buy-into, today, and although I understand aging is not a spiritual attribute, we are still on a three dimensional planet, we do still have individual journeys that are not measured by a certain amount of time we need to be here, and we are still judging what something looks like and associating it with living a life that’s “less than” if in fact it doesn’t fit into what collectively we see as “ideal” and “vibrant”. Just another form of self-abuse masked as spiritual enlightenment.
Are there things you can do to reverse physical appearance? Sure, but if in fact you are healthy, happy, and aligned in your expression of you, why then does that matter here on Earth?
If I want to have silver hair or wrinkles, why does that automatically mean I’m deficient? Or that there’s something wrong? I am still part human, and that part isn’t necessarily what I’ve chosen to walk in forever. Perhaps these indicate my true eternal quality? Why is there only one way to characterize this or see it?
There isn’t just one way, and I feel that the faster we open ourselves to multiple perspectives and possibilities, the faster we will free ourselves into a more grace-filled way of being and come into our multi-dimensionality.
Why do I bring this up?
Well, for one, I feel that vulnerability and transparency are powerful and key things to bring forth into our lives in greater frequency right now. Something I just shared yesterday on my Facebook feed with these reflections:
Everything points to going deeper into our hearts and connecting through them, with these as the guiding forces. The more we nurture these within, the more we encounter empowered embodiment, authentic experiences, connections, clarity, and alignment in our manifestations. And, the less we encounter triggers, hidden surprises, and forced change or reaction to what is revealed in the collective environment.
I feel that being vulnerable and transparent isn’t so much about allowing everything to bombard us as it pleases, but involves also a healthy balance of knowing and exercising our boundaries. This isn’t about hiding or repressing ourselves, however, but about knowing how to say “no” and not allowing certain frequencies to shift our own. Being openly expressive is not draining in this vein, but empowering and helps increase vitality. What is draining is when we fight our true expression or are having to deal with unwanted energies. Vulnerability and transparency is being willing to share the truth in our hearts and this helps others not to be afraid to do the same too. Fear around this is draining our energy, as we use so much of it to hide, worry, or create walls, which inhibit our gifts to shine through.
We can all shine, regardless of age, physical appearance, the list of accomplishments you have, or the things you own in your life.
The way I’ve discovered doing this is to live life out loud and to “create life as a work of art” – my motto.
I share the photo above, as it is the most recent photo of me (a week old) that reflects a much more peaceful, harmonious, grounded, embodied, softer, more secure, gently joyful, balanced, and creatively passionate me.
Vibrant bursts of color reflect my soul song frequency and inspire creativity to bubble through. Perhaps it’s the artist me or perhaps I’m simply inspired by Nature and how she exudes life force in every shade of beauty possible. Her blossoming myriad of expressions sing of love.
She is a woman of my heart and the only example I take to heart of how to live in the grace of being.
I love that now I have no emotional trigger or any tiny weirdness around my human expression and emanation of my spirit.
I will still always have resonance to otherworlds, but no longer need to prove that, nor anything else about my being here the way I choose to show up, as once my younger Earthly self felt she needed to do.
Merging embrace of my multi-dimensional self allows me the ability to enjoy each different aspect for what ever they are and however I am choosing to express them, without attachment.
They are ALL me and as the artist me, and using the power of creative love through me, I know their intrinsic beauty and value in the spiral of consciousness.
I now walk this reality as alive as ever, because it is my canvas to create in the reflection of my essence and my playground for exploration and total freedom of how I want to share that in any given moment.
Although chronological age is not important, the numerology factor is still interesting and revealing to explore.
45 is a combination of the energy of 4, 5 and their combined total of 9.
4 builds solidity and stability, foundations for self and others, draws forth passion and drive together for achieving success (whatever that means to you), and 5 adds personal freedom, adventure, creativity, courage to explore unknowns, letting imagination go free, versatility, major life shifts through lessons learned, while 9 brings things full circle, adds patience, intuition, soul mission, inner strength, sense of personal responsibility, humanitarianism, global focus, living and leading by example, and spiritual enlightenment.
These feel to be the energies I’m integrating at this time of my life and the foundations of where I am and where I’m headed.
I read that 45, numerologically, has a focus on putting your efforts and energy towards the things in your life that enhance and fully embody who you truly are – from the smallest of things to the largest of things – what we surround ourselves with, what we wear even, the things we focus on and are working on bringing into the world, and our lifestyle choices and overall life in general. It’s also about really putting things into full-embodied action so results manifest, keeping focused, and integrating a more pragmatic way to be a guiding force.
I’m also going to be igniting a 12/3 year come my birthday and this speaks to the creative rebirth taking place for me, an inner calling surfaced, release from all karmic ties, and everything coming together in my life story as I reach a significant stage on my journey.
So, while I may have been wanting to fast forward things in my younger years, I can understand why that visionary part of me was looking forward to now, as this truly is the most full-circle time of my time here on Earth – this life and aspect of my multi-dimensional self – and the most peace-filled.
There is peace no matter what today or tomorrow brings, as there is peace right here and now in my heart.
My new thing in recent years has been to gift myself birthday gifts to not only celebrate the new energy with supportive things that light up my heart, but to celebrate all that I’ve gone through to be here.
This year seemed to start a few months early, as truly wonderful birthday gifts were received from friends, loved ones, and family far before now, and some incredible surprises along the way that truly touched my heart.
So many of them were rabbit-focused and went along with the theme of my Wonderland office, with Alice in Wonderland fun.
My favorite gifts-to-self include the colorful, handmade shawl you see me wearing in the photo, two necklaces (including an incredibly magickal rabbit and a powerful “origins” and DNA activator), another gorgeous Faery book (I gifted myself one last year too), a custom made pen (for the writer me), a custom made wand (for the ancient me), and a “crown” chakra headpiece I’ve had intention of for years, but took until now to draw in the perfect one. Seems appropriate.
I don’t have any particular plans this year on my birthday, so we’ll see what intuitively and organically shows up, but we will be embarking on a super fun adventure March 7th – 17th, which feels to be my birthday journey of origins and more.
We’ll be heading to Arizona, first spending 3 days with Dave’s family in Tucson and then heading up to the Grand Canyon to meet up with our sweet friends you’ve heard me mention in past Summer posts – KC, aka Bean, and Clint, aka Happy. My Faery and Elf friends who returned my two giant quartz to their momma after my foot fracture and who took me on a Cirrus G6 private flight over Lake Tahoe.
From there, we head into the GC for an epic trekking and camping adventure, to introduce the energy and magick of this realm to us. Well, more me, because Dave has been inside of the GC before, but I haven’t. I’ve only explored the rim. Nor have I ever done this kind of trek, as I only camped a tiny bit when I was a little girl. Our adventures have been limited, but oh-so not limiting, to the Magick Bus RV living.
But come March, Bean and Happy (who will be working in the GC starting a week after our adventure, are GC experts, and love her inside and out) will be sharing her with us through their eyes, as we venture into her mysteries for several days. This will be an intro only, as we couldn’t do a super long trek this go-around, so more will definitely have to come once we sink our feet into the Earth here.
The reason I said this will be a journey of origins and more has to do with the ancient Earth here and the energy, which I know will be activating for me and synchronizes with my origins theme, because apparently there are hidden Egyptian temples that predate Egypt by 7000 years tucked safely away in the canyon walls for only certain eyes to see (this info coming to me all at once from several sources). Regardless of actually seeing them, the energy will be there and this connects more dots with why I felt so compelled to go on this trip, why it fell into place so seamlessly (including super challenging permits they were able to get for us for it), and ties into that Africa energy (which I’ve had more interesting dots light up with other connections too, since those posts).
A “Grand” birthday/new year/kick off indeed!
However, the greatest gift is this storybook year for me, and that my book’s completion and manifestation is close at hand and along with writing it, I’m writing a new reality into being from my heart.
I’m so grateful for every chapter of this story of life and that you have all been willing to colorfully show up and play in it with me, through the fun and challenge, and through the mystery and adventure of it all.
Let today be a reminder of love being the most powerful force and transmutational energy that can change your life and experience of it. This isn’t isolated to one day a year, but available always. It’s so easy not to be vulnerable to love and allow a hardening around our hearts to taint us. But as easily as we can stop the flow, we can also start choosing to release that tension and allow natural harmony to wash over, in, through, and around us once again. And as you ponder love’s healing power and the many ways there might be past injuries to the heart still guiding your life, remember that the greatest healing love starts with loving yourself. It is from that place within that everything else will be a reflection of or perspective of.
Try saying “I love you!” at least ten times to yourself today, as you look yourself in the eyes through a mirror. Add a good self hug in there too. You deserve it.
Then try doing this each day until you break down the barriers around your heart, release what’s under those closed doors to heal, and the painful tears turn to joyous tears, as you come to see the beauty of your spirit truly for the first time.
If you don’t have a loved one to share today with, good news. The best friend and lover is yourself. Do something sweet and generous for you. Whatever that may be that speaks to your heart. Simple or big, it doesn’t matter. Just do it and indulge in self nurturing. Your spirit, heart, body, mind, and soul will thank you.
The first day of February is a special day, as it will always be Nestor’s day of birth (my twin soul and rabbit companion) here on this Earth plane and back with me in this life. This is such a creative month ignited by today’s celebrations of also being “Imbolc, Candlemas, Groundhog’s Day and St. Bridget’s Day,” and it’s a special month for me sharing a birthday in February alongside my brother, both of my grandparents from France on my mom’s side that are no longer with us (including my favorite grandpa who nurtured the artist me), several dear friends with close birthdays to mine and even sharing the same day as me. Today also kicks off Lee’s new Energy Update for the month of February and feels to be the month I’ll be complete with editing my new book to ready it for the next stage.
Rabbits are reflections of growth, rebirth, awareness, harmony, abundance, creativity, fertility, vulnerability, and Mother Earth’s changing seasons. So Nestor is a powerful way-shower of these energies, as we kick start this new month of February possibilities and leap into the energies available.
Peace and visionary awakening are the themes Lee speaks of hitting the collective big time this month in his new Energy Update video below. He calls this a “high month and cosmic month” in terms of energy available and what is possible for everyone. That feels resonant to me and certainly to Nestor. 🙂
Lee points out and reiterates that action is required for us all and that’s not just about “out there,” but “in here,” inside of you. Not a new message, but definitely needed to keep repeating.
If you’re suffering or tired of the ups and downs, even if you are being of service to others, then it’s time to turn that action on to you and balance these out – fuel yourself!
This isn’t self-indulgence, but a way to show up more in the world the way you desire to and the way to keep your wellspring abundant for the giving and receiving.
Consistency and congruency in life is key – inside out reflections of life lived as an example. I can’t reiterate that enough, as well, as I have seen SO much of this inconsistency blowing up on people lately, especially in prominent positions who speak and represent one message, but behind the scenes are acting out a completely different lifestyle that is like a separate reality.
Self-care increasingly is being the message to us all and really taking care of what is not consistent for you and what is lingering and continuing to spiral around and around.
Nestor was always a great reflector for me of what I was missing and needed to take care of within myself. And she continues to be a daily reminder in my heart, keeping me on track and not straying from my own need for balanced consistency.
Today she would have been 15 and unbelievably it’s already nearly 10 years since she returned to the Cosmos. And yet, her presence is everywhere and disseminated into every part of my life, so that I see a reminder when needed or simply to reflect love.
Make February a month for self-love and this will assist turning around those challenges you have been experiencing and that have been beckoning for your attention.
Be as You Truly Are ~ You Haven’t Lost Your Passion or Path, You Simply Can Choose to Dance & Sing Again
A little feather mandala with 11 that I found yesterday, encircling an orange calcite heart for New Moon in Aries … Stirring the fire within to unleash your most transformative expression that wisely harnesses your creative and courageous spark of truest nature and embodiment.
One might ask themselves:
How can I create more balance and harmony in the giving and receiving of energy?
What values call to my heart most?
Do I experience frustration due to unrecognized opportunity, limiting perspective, and lack of self love?
There is potential for more integrity of self-expression and recognizing your natural beingness as you truly ARE.
I recently had a dream about a small magickal creature I was given from the Netherlands and it rested in my hands and then gave me a bite on my fingers, although without the intent to hurt and it didn’t, nor did it bleed, but I knew it was getting my attention. There isn’t a creature that looks just like what I saw in the dream, but the word pygmy and vole came to mind…I did discover there are pygmy shrews and field voles in the Netherlands.
I’ve made several connections to the entirety of the dream for myself and the connections of awareness it drew me too, but also while later looking into this animal’s symbolism, I was struck by something I read about vole that coincides with this New Moon energy and felt to share it too for the collective.
It shared how vole teaches about awareness to what is going on all around you with both sensitivity and alertness, but also simply teaches about expressing your nature, naturally, which comes through feeling and listening to your intuition with loving trust.
They also carry an energy and growth potential in embracing the learning around nature’s expression of both destruction and rebirth. So in essence, asking you to look at what needs to change or that you feel could use shifting in your life and then by listening you’ll be shown how to harness those changes with vole’s help.
And synchronous to my dream, voles teach us how to “sink our teeth into” the things we’re wanting to create…in essence showing us how to harness the visions and ideas with creative tenacity so we can make them productive and actualized.
There is so much angst and frustration out there around worrying about not being on path, searching, yearning, seeking out guidance to what exactly you “should” be doing, holding onto the belief there must be some idealized version and bigness around an end result of what this looks like, and coming up short on these expectations placed on it all by self and the messaging out there.
Interestingly, at the same time you worry and search, you are also avoiding the feelings inside, your intuitive messaging, those subtle or sometimes loud nudges, are self-sabotaging with conditioned beliefs, ingenious inner dialogue, and avoidance tactics, or even creating every obstacle and energy drain on yourself, otherwise.
Yet, what it boils down to is a need to surrender to what IS right now.
Who you ARE this moment.
The intelligence within you ALREADY.
You miss the opportunities every moment to just be YOU and bring through the creative vitality that stirs within your spirit and heart.
There isn’t a perfect outcome you need to strive for.
You simply need to choose to walk in the frequency of your vibration right now and how ever that leads you, IS exactly what you are here to do.
Don’t wait for some perfect answer or precise conclusion to your quest.
Give up the quest and realize the truth of your journey that is a step-by-step unfolding of you being you.
The more in touch we are with our feelings and the voice within, the more we know exactly what it is in each moment that would be the best possible use of our breath here on Earth. And that may be much more simple than you were led to believe, although without devising it, could very well turn into something much bigger.
But don’t judge what is and isn’t extraordinary or how if you only do “this,” you aren’t doing enough.
If you truly are embracing your spirit’s song and commit to expressing its voice in each experience you have, then you will come to experience the peace and harmony you seek…the next notes will become clear…and naturally you’ll have a symphony at work with your instrument in sync with the the collective orchestra.
I find that people create inertia because they dwell too much on the ideas rather than the feelings moving through. I’ve been there too.
You have and always will be messaged by your inner voice to where would most be in resonance and alignment to your vibrational expression.
We simply don’t listen and listening, nurturing, and supporting that voice is more key than how things need to look, as when we cultivate that, we naturally will be doing and being our best possible version in each ever-expanding and evolving moment.
So it won’t be about what big thing you “should” be doing, but truly about embodying your own bigness through being.
The less we listen and support that innate knowingness, is where we come up against the challenges.
And that inner voice will tell us when making changes would be much more supportive to our life and everyone’s lives we touch.
I recently went through this in a big way, myself, before we went on our Magick Bus journey and made the changes that were key to my spirit’s expression in order to thrive here or elsewhere.
If you feel a loss of passion, it’s not because you don’t have any or you need to discover your passion, you simply need to tune back into you, as somewhere along the line a door was closed on your feelings and the connection and love didn’t receive the nurturing that other things instead did. The nature of you doesn’t go away, it simply awaits remembering and dancing with once again.
And yes, that does become important, if in fact you desire to live from that purity of your natural vitality more and find yourself frustrated and tormented all the time.
Loss of passion may also speak to your completing a cycle on your spiral of life and rather than continuing to repeat patterns that keep you stuck, or drag you backwards like a whirpool, you simply need to get on the next spiral and create anew, integrating ingredients to bring forth continual alchemy of being.
Take an honest, deep, intimately vulnerable look within yourself and ask the really important questions. You’ll discover what the true “block” is to your having the very thing you say you desire…or in essence, to being more of who you really ARE.
It’s a very interesting journey we experience in our lives.
No right or wrong, nor timeframe. However, if you are feeling miserable or frustrated, that may very well be indication to try another way.
When we more actively engage ourselves as the truly empowered partners in co-creation, we can discover how to work with the alchemy latent within each of us to create.
How things evolve will be a beautiful spiraling of your nature unfolding her or his exquisite petals.
If you are feeling a squeeze on yourself, uninvigorated, and like you are suffocating, or ready to burst, then your spirit is messaging you to go bigger, expand, express, bring forth and wisely channel what is burning within.
If uninspired, this is your chance to choose to recreate yourself and do something that moves you, feels invigorating, and keeps your imagination and creativity engaged. Start inviting and bringing forth new elements to your life that stimulate newness and fresh perspectives to keep you thriving and challenge you to go beyond yesterday’s ideas and version of yourself.
That doesn’t always mean it has to be a huge outward change, but may simply be about inviting more of the little tweaks and perspectives to your current experience that inspire a natural unfolding from there.
You have the ability to choose completely new right now and to create something different, something more, but ultimately more you this moment.
This doesn’t need to be a do or die situation, but about really feeding your spirit’s song without any constraints on should’s and should not’s, nor about following patterns…but carving a new way that is more resonant aligned to you in the flow of energy streaming through that is simultaneously abound.
I feel that as long as we continue to touch in with ourselves, invite, and put into action ways to challenge ourselves to expand our capacity for creative expression and move into new areas of personal passion moving through us with expanding courage, we will find our lives enriched and continuing to unfold in amazing ways.
You are an intuitive being whether you think you are, or not.
When you reteach yourself to trust what you’re feeling and relax into a more peaceful state of presence, then you can be more mindful, discerning, and understanding of how to navigate the energy streams in healthy partnership of heart and mind where unnecessary risks, but invigorating challenge will meet in your always being exactly where your spirit desires.
Giving to Yourself Supports Greater Giving to Others ~ Ways I Gifted Myself for My Birthday that Create Greater Alignment & Vitality
In a world of challenging energies, heaviness, and spiraling dynamics, I like to focus (of course without denial or suppression that other realities exist) on ways of creating new realities, embodying greater personal peace, inspiring others, engaging creative energy, activating more personal empowerment, bringing a sense of solace and safe haven, or sprinkling a bit of magick, innocence, and joy where all hope feels lost.
You may recall my post from a couple of weeks back, Embodying & Emanating Essence ~ How I’m Integrating Holistic Being On Every Level, where I mentioned making literal outer changes and taking actions to align with my inner shifts, as a way to fully activate and move into that new experience and space in greater embodiment of wholeness. I mentioned some of the ways, and with my birthday approaching, I also gifted myself a few special things to reflect that as well.
My favorite birthday was two years ago when I went on my epic Iceland trip. And while I’m not going anywhere on my birthday itself this year, I decided that a few very special gifties were needed!
I find it incredibly important to support and nurture ourselves, as we often are doing that only in the “giving out to others” mode, rather than ever thinking of that giving including an outflow to us too. And when we actually do so, we are completing that circle of giving and receiving that is necessary and healthy. Not to mention, in these challenging times, taking care of yourself, loving yourself, being extra gentle with yourself, and doing special things for yourself go a long way.
This doesn’t have to be anything extravagant….it can simply be giving yourself an hour a day or each week just to yourself, making yourself a special meal, taking a bath, walking in nature, taking yourself on a date, getting yourself flowers, saving up for that thing you’ve always wanted by putting aside a little at a time just for you, telling yourself you love yourself, committing to creating boundaries that support you, or buying that special something “just because” or that you’ve longed for.
So this year I decided on three special gifts for myself, since I’ve been saving to be able to invest in my dreams, my joys, and long-term goals for my path I’m working on being able to share in the near future. Since I already devote lots of time for me now and have created a more balanced life than I ever had, which includes nature immersion on a regular basis, I felt some gifts on an alignment basis were in order.
Since I’m an artist of life and by heart, I tend to do everything creatively and to live that out loud as a form of creative power in expression, as well as a celebration and reverence for the temple body and physical life we ALSO are blessed to experience as humans.
Hence, my tattoos, which embody spiritual significance, healing integration, and potent personal expression.
This year’s gifts, however, included a new hairstyle to match the essence of me, some quartz crystal singing bowls I’d been considering for a while and got confirmation that now was the timing, and a very magickal, treasure-of-a-book collector’s item to take me into the realms of my imagination and truest being.
So, after trimming 4 inches of “old energy” off of my hair a few weeks back and to match my “highlights from the Fae” – silver gray streaks strategically growing in naturally, and to honor my desire to not color my hair in any way anymore so that it can do its thing and reveal my true and ancient “roots,” as well as support me into my own “Nature,” I decided on a non-intrusive, creative, magickal, enhancement.
This included adding extensions to match a dream I had and visions that kept coming to me over the last few months of this look from another me self, off-world, which just so happened to also mirror a long-ago brief style I had for one very Aquarian Age, Cosmic modeling shoot I did.
It just so happened that I was now back near where my old hair stylist I used to go to when I lived in Lake Tahoe and Reno many years ago, was still working at the same salon there. She also just happens to have a little girl who was born on my birthday. 😉
I discussed my desire, shared some photos, and poof! Two days ago on Valentine’s Day (that wasn’t planned, but aligned time-wise to reinvigorate a new meaning for this day than its roots), it happened.
Briefly, she added smoky platinum extensions that would enhance and work with my silver gray streaks at the top and have both a natural and ethereal quality to compliment the Cosmic and magickal energy I wanted to create and embody more of, while still having this ancient Earth feel.
It’s hard to capture in photos, as the color and look of the hair shifts in different lighting and with movement, but there are long streaks here and there from top to bottom and in the front, with about 4 inches of extra length along the ends to create contrast and creative flow.
The look shifts, depending on what I wear, but ultimately it is very Faery, but also mirrors my star “roots,” ancient Earth embodiments, and even some Native Indian influence that is key for me too.
Anyway, what I have discovered is immediately it shifted how I felt, including a deepening into myself and even more peace, and joy, as well as alignment with the reality I’m creating.
And because of the shifts, I also saw that another wardrobe purge would need to happen, as some of the things I have just no longer mesh with this energy. Energy is so interesting to experience with both subtle and big changes, making it clear what resonates and what doesn’t. Makes for easier choices overall!
Out with the old and in with the new!
But on to birthday gift number two to self. This was in support of how sound has become a pervading element and integral thread to my life through my voice, song, sound channeling, music, sound healing, and more.
And so I was drawn to the perfect quartz crystal singing bowls for me. I’d felt some may come for a while now, although before hadn’t been drawn to them, but was never the right time. Then a few months ago these showed up and they became one of my early birthday gifts to myself.
I originally thought I’d only be getting one, but it became perfectly clear that a pair was the aligned perfection for my desires, intents, and frequencies I wanted to create, support, and emanate with them.
This led me to a 432hz binaural beat theta wave pair of A-note 9 inch bowls – talk about potent balancing and invoking conscious dream, receptivity and opening a gateway to all things watery.
Some info about these:
“Alpha brain waves are present in deep relaxation with the eyes usually closed and while day-dreaming. The relaxed detached awareness achieved during light meditation is characteristic of Alpha and is optimal for programming your mind for success. Alpha heightens your imagination, visualization, memory, learning and concentration. It lies at the base of your conscious awareness and is the gateway to your subconscious mind. The voice of Alpha is your intuition, which becomes clearer and more profound the closer you get to 7.5Hz. Alpha Brain Waves (8 to 12 cycles per second) This brain wave indicates a relaxed state of mind, a state of relaxed alertness, good for inspiration and learning facts fast. In this meditative mind state we tap into internal “antenna” like qualities, visions, powerful ideas, mindless creation of the incredible, internal feeling & sensations. Studies have shown that learning in Alpha State enhances the performance of students. It also develops the interest of studies in students more than they have ever learned in tense environment. Frequent gaps of 2 to 3 minutes after every 30-minute study period relaxes their minds and the alpha state will prove its efficiency with great ease and fun. But learning is more than just absorbing information, so changing the state of mind to operate Beta, Alpha and Theta is most likely to produce the best learning, cognition and creativity, while also staying in a relaxed state. Alpha is the brain wave associated with relaxed, daydreaming states of mind; it’s a state of relaxed, detached awareness. Many people are “in alpha” while watching TV. Alpha is often called a “hypnogogic” state because you may experience spontaneous mental imagery.”
I love them and they are perfect for creating that balance and return to natural harmony. I’m enjoying exploring more and more and combining them with my own sound, tibetan bowl, and my chakra drum, which was a gift to myself almost two years ago, to see what I can tap into and activate!
Then we come to my third gift to self, which was cool on timing of when it got into my hands, as it couldn’t be sent to a P.O. Box, which is what we have, so I had it sent to my parent’s house and it just so happened to arrive right before we visited them two days ago. So, right after my hair appointment we went to my parent’s for a pre-birthday dinner celebration and I was able to see it for the first time and then take it home.
A little about this book, which I posted on my social media shares:
This incredible body of work wrapped up in an equally exquisite masterpiece of highest quality and creatively passionate delivery is the most magickal book I now own. I’ve been so excited to receive it, as it is one of my birthday gifts to myself by this multi-faceted, award winning British fine art photographer, Kirsty Mitchell who also has a background in fashion design and costume making. The story behind the book and each image is so beautiful and poignant… Dedicated to her mother who passed from cancer in 2008, the project took 7 years to come to fruition through her dedication and love and some costumes and props for just one shot taking up to 6 months to create. The name of the book speaks for itself, taking you through dream worlds that reflect memories of the stories her mother used to read to her as a child, now brought to life – a way to make fantasy real and to step into it completely. The book is a personal journey and includes each image’s story and behind the scenes. This book is huge and beautifully embossed! – 4.5 pounds and almost 15″ x 11 1/2″ x 2 1/4″ with several shots of each scene – some with fold out pages. I’m in love!
This book felt like the perfect companion to my new hair that helped me step into those otherworlds I now felt more in aligned frequency with. And perfect as to the reality I want and am creating – life created as art, the magickal made practical, Earth and Cosmos merged, dreams manifested…..
I know I live life by the beat of my own drum, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. And like I always say, if I’m happy and not hurting anyone, and potentially spreading a little inspiration, joy, creative support, or magickal pixie dust fun along the way, then I think that’s an enhancement I can contribute to the collective and not a detrimental one.
I’ve learned that whether simple or more extravagant (it doesn’t matter), self-nurturing and investing time, energy, and/or resources in yourself, your healing, your growth, your business, and your dreams and passions, really make a difference in having more vitality, clarity, potency, and drive to fulfill your path and have more to give to others from a richly authentic place of who you really are.
I no longer feel depleted, resentful, or in lack because of the things I’ve implemented to take care of myself and have more balance and equality in my life with input and output. I don’t rely on others for things I want or that make me happy and healthy. And I don’t feel any lack because success and joy isn’t measured by needing certain returns, but knowing I’m doing everything I can right now to support my well being and in turn, highest good by the way I then can connect with others without attachments of any kind.
Those moments, however brief, where the stillness of a quiet happiness pervades your inner sanctum, is like a sweet fragrance completely engulfs you and permeates your aura. These are the moments you cease longing of any kind and are in complete presence of contentment, just as you are, here and now. Most of the time, most everyone seems to be in the process of “becoming” – a process that is never-ending in its pursuit. To become successful, to become accomplished, to become well-known, to become complete, to become a healer, to become a doctor, to become certified or degreed, to become a published author, to become a business owner, to become an athlete, to become a musician, to become an artist, to become a mother, to become a father, to become a friend or lover, to become excited over hurdles conquered, to become sad over losing someone or feeling defeated….to become.
In all of this, “now” has been forgotten and does not exist. So many what if’s, but, striving, excuses, and denial of what actually is….who you are. Life exists in the shadows of becoming.
There are no what if’s…there’s only right now.
Self acceptance is a stranger, as nothing seems to mean anything until and unless you get all of the above. Then, and only then, you think you’ll love and accept who you are.
But this is an illusion. It’s all devised to keep you away from your true power….to love yourself.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with growth and continuing to embrace new parts of your evolution.
There’s nothing wrong with saying you’re following divine timing and aligning with the flow of energy.
But these can all be very ingenious self sabotaging ways to make up excuses to be and do you in this moment.
I’m all for listening to signs and not acting rash or being late on making moves, but I think this “it’s not the right timing thing” has been over-used and over-abused by us all, especially “light workers” as is a term often used by some.
I simply don’t accept it as the truth anymore. As, truly there isn’t a wrong choice to be you right now. Where ever that leads is exactly where you need to be.
Could it avoid something or get us there faster? Sure, but it might also just be perfect right now.
If I had done things different in the past then I wouldn’t be me now, but if I had done things differently in those moments I’d also be exactly where I’m supposed to be and perhaps be in an equally beautiful and amazing, but different, experience of the now.
I don’t feel any of it is wrong or right, or better or worse.
Timing might just be another “becoming”.
Nothing is ever going to be enough if you’re not enough and embraced as complete in this moment, no matter what choices you make or what you do now.
Longing will be your best friend, if life is focused on becoming, and all of life will be a longing for something and you’ll leave this life still longing and find out in the end that your best friend really made you feel quite lonely.
The idea of becoming can be a life-line and mask for some…an excuse even. Some people thrive on having something always to strive to become and feel empty if there’s nothing, so they look for the next fix for becoming.
All the while this becoming is a detour away from self. Although you think it is supporting you, it is actually distracting you from the power you have at the center of your being right now.
You fear that center because it is empty of your love.
You work at becoming to feed that love, but you find out that all of this becoming is like a grand feast in celebration of the dead, not the living. And when you discover yourself alone gorging on this feast, it will be a greater terror than admitting right now that you are afraid to just be you.
You are afraid that you’re not enough and yet you’ve always been and always will be better than enough….Create more moments of that quiet contentment within yourself and know that all that you desire to be, is already right there within you, as desires are simply projections for us to recognize the brilliance we embody.
Then embrace each choice and action from that stillness of peace and everything you do will always be in divine alignment.
~ Inspired by an excerpt from a recent book I read, Star Woman, that felt important to share and so this is a paraphrasing and personal inspiration of these words.
This year I’ve been enjoying gifting myself Christmas gifts both in tangible and symbolic form, as gratitude for the courage I’ve embraced to be myself in a world that challenges that and with love for all the dramatic changes I honored and surrendered to when I didn’t know, and still might not fully, what that would create for my life. Celebrating the winding, wild road that has gotten me here and giving myself the peace of heart to just be me.
And as I celebrate my own light, I celebrate yours, as we ignite the sacred spark of being together.