Too often we spend time worrying and conjuring up every angle in our heads of the worst case scenario and how hard something will be.
But what if instead we asked, “What would this look and feel like if it were easy?”
And then, imagined a variety of potential scenarios of exactly how wonderfully fluid and magickal that would be, rather than every awful one we normally do.
The reason we stress is because we’re operating on old habits, conditioning, and patterns that are in cruise control rather than taking control of the steering wheel and guiding our lives along the the path intentionally with conscious presence to our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and even how our bodies our reacting to those things in each moment.
We often are forcing things, operating on “shoulds”, stretching ourselves thin, doing more than we actually need to be because we “think” we have to, over-complicate situations by worrying, and miss the simple paths because we believe, “Life just COULDN’T be THAT easy!”
As the end of the year comes to closure and I know many of you might be thinking on New Year’s resolutions or simply wanting to rewrite your life for the upcoming new beginning’s year of 2017, perhaps you might reflect upon how to rewrite your approach to life and begin a new chapter with you as the author and the path as one of grace and ease.
I recently had the honor of answering some questions as part of a survey to provide insight for a friend’s book in process of being written.
The topic is such a prevalent and recurring theme that I thought I’d share my answers here to provide some perspectives that might support others, as well as give you a little window and inside look at me, as I share some insight into my own life and how I’ve learned to process it for myself and within my relationship.
What’s the topic, you ask?
Well…stress, of course!
So many are plagued by stress in their lives and it can be debilitating if you don’t learn how to manage and process it in your life.
There are many ways to support you with managing and shifting your relationship with stress like energy work, counseling, coaching, massages and body work, exercise, yoga, healthy releasing, crystals, self-nurturing, slowing down, etc.
I provide some of my own below.
Here are the questions and my answers following in red.
What is stress to you?
Stress for me is creating ideas of what I think I need to be doing rather than following the flow of what is in my heart. Stress feels to be a way that we self-sabotage ourselves and allow ego conditioning to override our intuitive nudges. Stress is the stories we tell ourselves and what we allow ourselves to believe. It’s foreign to our nature, which is why it wreaks havoc on our bodies to go against what we feel.
What’s the first situation that comes to mind that would make you feel really stressed, that you have to encounter regularly?
When I have a lot of things and stimuli coming at me all at once.
Are you able to pinpoint why these things make you feel stressed?
Because they over-tax my sensitivities and I get overwhelmed with the immediate reaction of “how will I get it all done?” from the place of conditioned ideas. The idea of feeling overpowered by external things in that moment, rather than immediately realizing I control my response by the perspectives I have and the choices I make. Once I remind myself and step back into observer mode, I’ve learned that my process is to then retract within and feel into my natural energy, which isn’t the “stuff” around me. And then focusing on just one thing at a time, only looking to the immediate in front of me, and asking myself what is really important and what really isn’t. Stepping back into my essence and power, knowing that what is important to do will get done and the rest simply wasn’t important.
What are your top things to do to relieve stress?
Time spent with my rabbits, in nature, listening to music, doing my own sound healing, dancing, stepping back and going within to remember what is me and not me – what is my energy and not my energy, talking through it with myself and understanding my processes, communicating with someone dear to me to allow my energy to move through me, writing.
Relationships – Questions for Partnered Ladies
What are your main frustrations in your relationship?
Actually most of the frustration will stem from stress that one or the other might feel and THEN we can get easily triggered. This used to be very challenging when we didn’t have good communication or didn’t understand in the heated moments of stress how to support one another through it rather than take it personally. Now we do realize this so when it comes up we are able to have a healthy dialogue once we take a moment and realize what is really happening and it’s not about either of us. But it takes stepping out of ego even when things could easily go another way.
What are the main ways you feel your guy does not understand you?
He tends to operate more logically and I’m more about intuition and feeling, with belief based on an inner knowing rather than proof. So it can be challenging for him to understand my processes with things or how I feel so strongly about things that can’t be seen, but it’s simply because this is something he, himself, is working on incorporating more of into his life, as he really IS very intuitive and is in the process of cultivating that. So it’s just that it isn’t a regular experience for him yet. Just as I’ve had to learn to harness the gifts of both sides of the brain in a healthy partnership that knows when each is valuable and can support one another, bringing in wise discernment. So it’s just another way for ego not to get in the way of taking things personally or feeling like one has to defend or prove something, and to continue to be compassionate toward the places we are individually, and learning from each other the value of each perspective and approach.
When you have a communication breakdown, what are your strategies for resolving that?
We have made commitments to working as a team and seeing the relationship as teamwork that has the same goals and so we focus on finding the connective thread with what each of us is feeling or wanting to accomplish or express. When we see that our intentions are shared, we can then find a way together to bring both of our strengths to the table to get there. We also make efforts to really listen and be more present rather than being in our heads and trying to come up with a reactive thought when the other is expressing themselves. If one person is upset then that’s when we take turns being the one to hold the center for the other. Doing our best not to allow ourselves to take things personally or attack back, which is a reactive approach of defense that has been learned. Instead, we communicate from a place of saying things from the perspective of the other person…like “this is what I’m hearing you say” rather than projecting our thoughts. It truly is a journey and commitment to do this and sometimes it’s easier and quicker than others. Definitely hasn’t always been this way, but we have come a long way and the result is an enriched and deepened relationship because of the work we’ve committed to doing together. Relationships that have gone through challenges and have been able to work through things together can be some of the strongest, most beautiful, and loving partnerships. Having things always smooth, easy, and looking like some idea of “perfection” doesn’t necessarily equate to that.
As we continue our journey, for those who are following along or just interested in different areas as either an already RV nomad, intending one day to be, or simply curious about areas to travel to, I’ll continue to post photos and little tidbits about each spot, along with what inspirations and reflections come through where I am.
We came to land yesterday in Moss Landing, just 19 miles north of Monterey, CA. The RV park is different than our previous ones with views, but still quaint, park-like with grass areas, trees, and shrubs, very roomy and quiet (likely since off-season), and very well-situated.
We can see the tops of boats in the marina, still hear sea lions barking, and sea gulls all around.
After touching down yesterday and setting up, we decided to get the lay of the land, which revealed how lovely our location was with a bunch of things all within minutes of walking.
There’s this eclectic, old little town (where Hawk greeted me), a few small galleries, the marina (where sea lions were swimming), a bird sanctuary reminding me of the Back Bay in Newport Beach (Great Blue Heron showed up along with a pair of giant white Pelicans and many smaller birds, Sand Pipers, and Cottontail Rabbits), and a wonderful wide sand beach looking out at the vast ocean that has a sand bar that breaks the waves far out.
We even came upon an area where it appeared someone/others had just recently done a little sacred ceremony with Pelican feathers.
A long walk just taking it all in with gratitude ended with stopping at one of the two Mexican restaurants – The Haute Enchilada Cafe ~ Social Club & Gallery – that are on either side of the RV park, for some happy hour appetizers and refreshments.
They had fun brussels sprouts, squash blossom flautas, and guacamole topped with pomegranate seeds to accompany the chips and salsa – all local organic produce and some vegan and gluten free options. They even had a very spicy ginger beer for me. Woo!
Both the staff at the restaurant and the RV park were all very sweet.
The other Mexican restaurant is supposed to have a fresh fruit and veggie stand outside of it, so I’ll be sure to check that out today. We’ll only be here through Sunday, so plan to get into Monterey tomorrow for a little exploring on the Full Moon.
Until then, it’s another on and off rainy day here, which means another great day for work flow.
It also lends to deepening in reflection, which began yesterday on our walk, about the theme around stress.
I’ve become so aware of who I am naturally, which is not the stressed, easily overwhelmed, nervous anxiety sensitive I learned and used to allow myself to be.
If I get moments of stress now, I am SO aware of it being a foreign presence that has temporarily come to visit my natural, flowing zone. Whereas before I would think and feel as if it WERE actually me and allowed it to control my life.
Now, I’m the constant observer of my life and recognize the energies and triggers that float in and know how to quickly have them flow right through and out again – thanking them for their gift.
I’m navigating the boat I sail and know how to shift my sails to go with the currents and wind. It’s taken years of work, but it’s paid off.
Stress isn’t an invader or something I fear, repress, or try to run from. Stress has become a helpful friend that reminds me instantly of what truly is important, gets my focus back on the here and now, and allows me to see any healthy fears I can simply turn into the courage to be more of myself by embracing and embodying.
“How you think and act can transform your experience of stress. When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. When you choose to connect with others under stress you can create resilience. Now I wouldn’t necessarily ask for more stress in my life, but you can see it as another access to your compassionate heart and to your pounding physical heart to give you strength and energy. You can trust yourself to handle life’s challenges and remember you don’t have to face them alone.” ~Kelly McGonigal, Health Psychologist
No matter what it is, whether stress, how you feel about yourself, or any part of your life, beliefs will play an important role in repatterning. It’s not the only piece to the puzzle, but shifting perspectives is a huge key to revealing more ease, more answers, and providing more empowerment instantly.
Of course there are other parts to this that play a role and different ways to help yourself process the stress, including the importance of balance, not purposely taking on a crazy amount of things thinking that you’re invincible, nor taking on things out of unhealthy reasons like guilt, victimization, self-sacrifice, self-sabotage, or martyrdom, for instance.
Yet what Kelly shares can begin a new inner dialogue of holistic support that will help to promote reduction in unhealthy stress perceptions that will lead you to healthier perceptions and increased connection, which ultimately puts you on the track to overall well-being.
When you become aware of something, you take back your power to be the “whole” person that you are and realize the perfection inherent in the bigger picture.
Here are pieces of my own experiences and insights on the perception of stress working “for” me and the importance of it leading me to connect with others in my post from a couple of years ago:
The more we’ve been RV living, the evermore I’m deepening into embodiment of who I naturally am and for that I’m grateful.
Every time we land somewhere new I’m retrieving parts of myself and brightening the heart light within me.
Life has increasingly become balanced, peace-filled, integrative, and natural.
The gifts I’m learning and embodying, I know will continue to live long after this adventure comes to closure.
But in the meantime, I’m seeing how it’s supporting me to the next level of living in natural harmony that I needed and desired.
As I see these beautiful environments, the animals, Nature herself, and the creative expressions and myriad of experiences around me, they are all reflecting what’s innately within me.
From there I know I have the power to do with them as they were intended….return to me.
There’s a soft, but potent energy here – I felt it as soon as we arrived with energy in my Crown – which has softened another layer of my understanding “stress.”
I hope that in sharing the wonder I am seeing through my eyes, that your own collective eyes will find the pieces of your truth in their reflection too.
A good article by Daniel J. Levitan to think about every time you feel overwhelmed and unsure of why you’re not being efficient with all the “multi-tasking”and all the ease of technology you’re engaged in.
Perhaps there’s another way. Perhaps more balance would benefit you.
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There are many different healing methods and modalities, as well as creative and personal growth endeavors, and supportive means to choose from that can all aid in helping one move more gracefully and peacefully through these shifting times. With so much happening and shifting around us and within us, things speeding up and intensifying, and worries and concerns over what the outcomes will be, it’s no wonder so many are experiencing challenges and increased levels of stress, anxiety, confusion, exhaustion, and unhealthiness. Everyone is ready for a new lease on life and perhaps even a total reinvention and revitalization. Things are all coming to a head, as transitions take place.
It can seem similar to a turkey pan at Thanksgiving where you have a really dirty, greasy pan that you try to clean, but in the process of scrubbing, the water becomes ever more murky, dirty, and greasy and it seems like you’re getting nowhere and seemingly worse. Yet once you continue to move through the stirring up phase and loosening up of the grime, the more things come to the surface that were trying to hang on, but inevitably will release and wash away with continued persistence and your trust and knowingness that that is just the process. With each rinse and each scrub, the pan increasingly becomes cleaner and soon you have yourself a bright, shiny, clean pan that looked nothing like it did before, and during, the process of cleaning. Such is the same with changes in life. Things seem to come to a head and get worse before they get better, but it is inevitable they WILL get better.
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Reiki is helping us to collectively maneuver with more ease and swiftness into the coming era of increased peace and well-being. It is a beautiful gift we’ve rediscovered that truly has the ability to aid movement towards powerful, co-created changes that are needed in our personal and planetary evolution. As we use Reiki to help ourselves, each other, and the world, we will continue to experience ever-increasing blessings and doorways of opportunities.
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