I’ll keep this post short and sweet by kicking off with thanking those of you who joined in on the New Moon Gratitude Giveaway. Because of a busy week, it took me a while to go through the lists from people who decided to see it all the way through with me and us. I hadn’t had opportunity until this morning to go through things and post the recipients of the four gifts I promised as a way of honoring your commitment.
The four people in no particular order are:
I’ll be contacting each of you to get your gifts out. I was truly moved by the experiences you had with this and how meaningful you found it to be. I honor each of you for doing this challenging work.
This last week has been both full and full circle for me. It has solidified some things and put others into motion. Wednesday through Friday were particularly shifting, as well as a bit exhausting, yet pivotal clarity came as to a phase I chose three years ago.
I had only snippets of what it meant, but am understanding more what is in alignment with it. It’s a new phase that hasn’t an example to reflect for me, so it will be both a challenge and adventure to reinvent things.
It is because of this that the regular Ask Astrid Fridays blog didn’t come in yesterday and because of things she and I are committing to working on together, we’ll be taking at least the next week off from any blogging as well.
Depending on how much we move through, will depend on how the next week looks, but I at least want one full week to dive in deep so that I can get a handle on and anchor in a new experience we’re reinventing.
Once it feels to be in motion, I’ll be better able to schedule in other things.
This feels supportive also to my being very inward these days and needing more space for myself.
Thursday is a big day for the two of us leading into Summer Solstice on Friday. This is a special time and sacred portal that feels especially supportive for igniting what we’re focusing on right now.
We hope it will be a beautiful doorway for your light as well.
Thank you again to everyone who delved into the self gratitude and giving in the way that felt right for you. I hope you’ll continue to implement this into your life to become a natural part of living.
So much of what Astrid and I have been experiencing the past couple of weeks is an increased level of presence and pause – not altogether slamming on the breaks and stopping, but a deliberate slowing and gentle motion forward, clearing for clarity, while also being ultra open. Astrid would say it’s more of a “paws” – kind of like when she stops to clean her face with her two front paws, as you often see rabbits and other small creatures do where they sit on their back legs and lick their paws and rub their face, eyes, head, and run their ears through their sweet furry hands.
She’s still in motion, grooming, clearing, and giving herself almost like an aura cleanse, but she hasn’t altogether stopped moving even though she’s anchored to the ground on her big hind thumpers. And once she feels complete with one round of grooming in motion, I notice how she will sit very intentionally with nose moving rapidly and all of this information flowing through her and beaming out of her eyes. She may then move on to the next round of grooming.
She’s in process and it’s almost like a meditation if you watch a rabbit do this. It’s very soothing and this fluid motion is incredibly adorable as well.
So, in a way I’m “pawsing” along with her, continuing to move forward, but only in cue to the energy vibrations I feel pulsing through. Each step keeps leading me to the next and rather than stop the movement, I just hit the paws button and do more clearing, clarifying, and allowing, which has been incredibly interesting to see how ideas are gushing in with new possibility that wasn’t on my radar.
I’ve found this “zone” much like Astrid’s meditational grooming, where I feel like I continue to ride the energy currents with matching my vibration, and don’t have to create these separate compartments to everything where I start this, stop that, need to completely hault or walk away, or feel forced to make a choice. I just keep myself in a rhythm of openness without attachment and this creates the feeling of riding a current.
I bring it throughout everything and is kind of like how I’ve explained my life to be more like a walking meditation.
Decisions and steps are also becoming a more fluid journey as well.
It’s almost like being a leaf on a stream.
Sometimes I might float faster. Other times things slow down. Sometimes I might ride over some wild mini rapids through rocks or go from a wide part of the stream to a very narrow funnel head, until I’m popped out the other end.
I may even get caught in a breeze or mini whirlpool that gently circles me about in what seems like one place.
But never do I completely stop unless I decide to anchor at shore along the journey and try my feet out on land for a bit to explore a destination of choice, until I decide to get back on my leaf and continue along the stream of life.
All the while I continue moving.
So there is a new kind of pause I’m feeling and it involves more of a “yes, and….” response.
Meaning, “yes that could work and so could this,” or “yes that feels possible and wow there’s this too.” So I explore each thing and stay open, which suddenly brings in a new wave to flow on. Each builds upon the other, but there’s an invitation to creativity and imagination for opening another level of possibility that could offer more expansiveness and take me down a new part of the stream that has more potential destinations along the shore of life.
It’s not that I won’t arrive at a choice, but I’m providing a wider playing field for potential and not seeing something as a dead end or a clear “no way.” I’m also not having to stop and stick my oar into the bottom of the stream to try to latch on to something desperately.
It’s curiosity meets presence and vibrationally keeping aligned with the stream.
I don’t know if it makes sense what I’m trying to put an experience of into words, but there you go.
Water is amorphous and so I am becoming more so I guess.
So, Astrid and I have been on “paws” while we fluidly groom life right now. We’re taking in each morsel and flowing along the frequency until it morphs into something else.
This right now has felt more important than trying to get off at a destination of choice, although some energy currents have led us eventually to choices, as they are mini journeys within the whole.
Others, have much more expansive effects and reach, so these ones we do the “paws” on to clear and cleanse, while inviting in a greater part of our imagination.
It’s a much more enjoyable ride now because of remaining open without need to control and stop the process.
And it truly wasn’t until today’s share, that I’ve reflected on trying to explain a process that has now become my natural.
It’s like that with everything truly.
At first things could seem like retraining yourself or looking at all of the parts, but then they become the natural you.
Lately I’m seeing that there really isn’t work involved and things fall into that natural rhythm simply by remaining open to what is wanting through.
There’s a lot of wisdom in the “paws.”
Astrid’s nose twitches in agreement.
I feel this one will speak to a lot of you right now.
May has flown by, but I’ve definitely been experiencing the contraction before expansion that Lee reflects here, and the full circle moments.
Which of the themes are coming up for you?
Whimsical Wednesdays ~ The Artist’s Corner: You Are A Canvas To Paint From The Palette Of Your Heart
As I’m up to my Faery ears in creative fun here at the Forest Portal, Whimsical Wednesdays inspired me to share about a recent transformation I physically went through to keep in alignment with my own inner artist and soul signature expression. I’ve mentioned many times before how we can live “life as art” and that my own personal motto has been “creating life as a work of art.” This extends to all aspects of you and your experience, and I know that one of the ways that always feels to boost creative energies and inspiration for me, is when I change my way of adorning myself with different clothing choices, accessories, hairstyles, or even hair colors. The latter is what recently took place just last Thursday.
Aqua has always been my favorite color and I’ve often admired women who had aqua/teal colored hair. I just never wanted to go through the process of how you needed to get that at the time.
I actually didn’t have a plan to do this, it just happened spur of the moment. I briefly mentioned that it might be fun to do sometime and perhaps would do for my birthday. Then while I was at my hairstylist, we both got excited at my mentioning and a momentum kicked in high gear.
I walked out looking as you see in the above photo.
It was easy to do at this stage because I already have natural silver hair at top, and silver ribbons we’d been weaving in below to accentuate my wanting to go bolder and even more dramatic with embracing my silvering hair while my natural ones grow out.
I’m known to do things either big or not at all.
This provides the base to just add a color toner of my choice over these areas. It’s only semi permanent, as it fades out over continuous washings.
It was obvious to me, I was ready for this even bolder expression of my soul’s essence and having the light to darker shades of teal weaving through my brown hair makes it feel so natural to me.
For me, the aqua or teal has always represented the higher heart energy between the heart and throat – a place I feel has been more of the journey for me to expand and deepen into. Yet, it also is a color exuding a lot of creativity energy and expresses transparent, vulnerable, open communication between the heart and spoken word.
I feel much flow, joy, peace, balance, and wholeness in it.
Not to mention, it really exudes watery energy, which speaks to my Native Pisces nature and my inner mermaid or merfaery. 😉
It feels like another way I’ve embraced putting myself out there more, not being afraid to be seen, and not shying away from the parts of myself that at one time made me feel lonely, misunderstood, and different.
I’ve always felt “not of this world” and yet I’ve learned to be in it with much greater joy and peace while I’ve worked hard to merge the Earth and Cosmic parts of myself.
This new hair feels to be a visual reflection of that merging I’ve worked so hard on and the synergy I’ve been finally able to create in finding more harmony in being. It whispers of an ancient me and speaks of a future me, intertwined in the now.
And so, this new creative energy I have cascading throughout my hair, speaks to deeper embodiment for me, self love, and honoring of my creative soul.
It’s really cool to see how something so simple or perhaps silly to some, can truly speak volumes of someone’s journey and can make an energetic difference in the way you live each day in or out of alignment.
While I may do things more dramatically, even just simple changes make a world of difference.
I’ve definitely felt a shift with this new, but perhaps more “now me” and even reflections of this alignment I feel.
The first time I went out with it to an event, an older woman in her 70’s came over to me to tell me that between my hair and how I was dressed, I really looked to be very creative and artistic.
I thanked her and replied that I was in fact an artist, to which she smiled and said she could see that.
Perhaps it’s my way, as my tattoos have been, to display my heart on my sleeve and share who I really am even more transparently and unapologetically. Not to mention, is a way I share the process of my journey very openly.
Something that was very hard for me growing up and even made me cringe in the beginning stages of my adult life when I started to reveal more of myself and my artistic and spiritual work to the world.
I’ve noticed a huge creative spurt the last couple of days, too, as I’ve been in “mad” creation with the inspiration that has come for items I’ll be sharing soon in my new Etsy shop – new launch date TBA. In fact, just yesterday, I created 22 imaginative themed worlds of mini bunny Faery gardens. I have another 10 to go today, but alongside the new painting art and items, I’ve really outdone myself in output of creativity so quickly.
And I have so much more inside me to come, including great excitement (and even a bit of healthy nervousness) over returning to my book full time, which all feels interwoven like braids of hair.
I believe it has to do with my following the joy in my heart AND embracing who I really am – not being afraid to share with the world what moves through me.
This has been a very long and at times super hard journey, so I don’t want anyone thinking it came overnight and not without challenge. We have the tendency to only see what is before us now (which is great, as in focusing on the now), but tends to provide a false idea about people and that we each go through a process leading up to that now.
I mention this because, while I still work on things now, I want others to know that it is possible to move out of the place you find yourself in currently, if in fact you aren’t happy or are experiencing challenges. With commitment to you and your individual journey and process, you can create a different and more aligned experience to what you desire. Absolutely!
Growth of the spirit is a beautiful, although colored journey, and the only goal to achieve is the one you deem important to experience.
And speaking of spirit growth, many Native Americans believe hair to be a physical manifestation of the growth of the spirit and that it supports extrasensory perception, as well as connection to all things. They also believe hair to be like tentacles reaching out to take in energy and information much like whiskers on animals – makes me think of my bunny loves and their sensitivities to energies through their whiskers, ears, feet, nose, and inner vision despite being far-sighted and having a blind spot at the center.
I never thought of hair in the past as such until the last half dozen years or so, and every change I’ve made, including chopping it all and growing it out, has always reflected a turning point and shift in my life in big ways.
It really is something how the way we express our creative energy can affect things energetically.
And of course, not expressing it, has it’s own experiences as well.
Whether you feel creatively blocked or gushing with creative energy that wants a new outlet, you can do little or big things to help move it.
This could be in the form of things like playing more, as Monday’s blog shared, doodling on scratch paper, planting a garden, buying a new outfit, rearranging or redecorating your space or home, journaling and free-writing, singing, dancing, throwing paint on a blank canvas, molding some clay, spending time imagining and day-dreaming, walking in nature and seeing all of her beauty great and small, or even wearing your hair differently.
You, your life, is a blank canvas awaiting your creation. The palette of your heart is a vast and limitless space from which to choose how you want to express yourself and live your life. The only limit is choosing not to let those colors shine.
Today I thought I’d answer one of the questions I get asked a lot about my artistic journey. When did you start painting and what kind of training did you have?
It seems to me that we’re programmed to think that in order to be able to do something we must have gone through a certain kind of rigorous training and so we automatically ask these kinds of questions, as we relate seeing gifts in someone to a curriculum of schooling.
While this may be some peoples’ journeys, it isn’t everyone’s.
There are many people whose training has come “built-in” from their soul history.
There are some people who aren’t born with a filter and so they just “go for it” with expressing themselves and the creative energy that moves through them.
There are people who cultivate a passion they feel.
And there are people who are drawn to training more studiously because that feels right to them, they want to advance their techniques and expand with their breadth of work, and maybe even on some level feel it’s a way to establish value for their work, as society places such high worth on things like degrees, training, and names of schools we attend and get accepted into.
There’s no one way, or one right way. We each go on the journey that feels to provide exactly what we need.
For me, it was a strong aversion to training, classes, and schooling of any kind. So much so that I even turned down working at an art school to teach others to draw because it felt boxed-in, and since I didn’t feel right about it for myself, I just couldn’t see advocating that through my work to others. It was more about consistency for me. I had to go through that process though and interviewing, in order to confirm to me what I felt.
So what has my journey been like with art?
I have been drawing all of my life.
It was my favorite pastime.
My fondest memories are of summers sitting at the dining table with my French grandfather drawing after play time outside.
I received a lot of recognition for my drawing in elementary, middle, and high school, but never had any formal training. I naturally took to it without art class teachers’ help. In fact, most of what they said didn’t make much sense to me.
I was very good at reproducing things that I saw like a photocopy. That was my left brain, detail-oriented, perfectionist that could sit for hours working on two square inches of a piece to get every pencil or paint brush stroke exact.
It’s no surprise I was also extremely good at staying “inside” the lines of coloring books – another enjoyment I loved – along with things like creating Spirograph drawings (do you remember these?!).
Detail work is something I carry in me over lifetimes, but I’ve come to find is not my joy.
It’s a soul-ingrained pattern I’ve spent years undoing in this life.
Ironically, my childhood drawings I started doing on my own before this patterning circled back through is what I’ve returned to now. A reclaiming of my “essence,” but channeled through a fresh me.
As a child I was very good at creating simple images of what I saw in my mind’s eye of things I loved in nature all around me.
My favorite and best thing I could draw was, and remains to this day, animals.
I never felt drawn to taking classes outside of the ones we either had to, or had as electives, through high school.
For some reason I felt inclined to keep this part of my life raw in its nature and didn’t want to feel controlled by rights and wrongs. I wanted simply to bring forth my visions without boundaries. Having everything else in life feeling so controlled, this let me have one little sacred piece to myself where anything goes.
Interestingly, while I could draw people if I wanted, I just don’t really want to and it’s more effort.
What flows for me is nature, animals, magickal beings, and enchanting or cosmic visions.
While my work could easily be judged by art critics who have their own idea of what makes art “good,” for me I love the raw expression of what moves through someone’s heart.
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate the beauty of fine works of art. I am in awe of the masterpieces hanging in galleries and marvel at how incredibly they’re executed.
But I do love purity and innocence too, which is what my presence here on Earth is about. And I equally see the beauty within this type of creative expression and see them as fine works of art in their own right because, to me, art is something that not only captures a visual gift come to life, but truly moves you with emotion to experience something deep or even triggers the opening of your own heart with the images acting like keys.
Creative energy is unlimited and therefore there are many ways to bring forth artistic expression.
I say, if it feels joyful to your heart to create, then that’s art.
So, while I’ve cultivated my own form of artistic expression by listening to what moves me and implementing what I’ve integrated and worked on throughout my life, I believe we each have our own journey with this.
But I encourage anyone who feels the desire to draw, paint, or create in some way, to just do it!
There is value in expressing what you feel and if you feel it, I guarantee there is someone out there who needs just what you have to share.
What do you feel your artistic journey has been?
Sometimes we start out one way, but move into a different arena later.
Don’t be afraid to try something.
The value of art is not based on whether it hangs in a gallery or gets critical acclaim.
The value of art is in the expression.
Creativity yearns to be shared.
I’m going to be introducing a new, small series of blog posts that will become regular ones on either a weekly or monthly basis. I’ll announce that in the next couple of weeks. This is part of the new changes that are forthcoming and will continue to morph as I feel into everything. For now, I thought I would kick things off with opening the floor to questions from you – my friends, readers, supporters, and collective family. This may also help with creating the new series’ focuses.
I recently posted something similar as my Instagram Story’s status, realizing that while I have shared quite a bit over the years, there are still questions people have been curious about asking and message me about.
Many times we only see the person before us now, and don’t realize they’ve been through much the same that we or others have and so hearing about those pivotal shifts, choices, and processes can be supportive, reiterative, or even comforting.
Sometimes it’s just nice and fun to know those quirky things, that makes each of us human, and bridge the gap of distance in knowing each of us a little bit more since we may never meet in person, this go-around.
I’ve shared some of the twists and turns, wild rides, things and experiences people didn’t know about me, but there may be something in particular that has peeked your interest over time to ask.
While I don’t have the ability to answer all of the messages I receive in depth, I thought it might be fun to open things here to questions from you, where I can address a few of those things during my designated creative and writing time.
With that said, if there is a particular question or thing you’re curious about, I felt the nudge to open a blog post focused on answering some of those.
So, if you have something in mind that you’re curious to know more about, I’m going to open this to up to 11 questions – at least for now.
Each person can ask one question and my only request is that it isn’t in the form of wanting me to do a reading, coaching, psychic prediction of any sort, nor is a general how-to question.
This is specifically a get-to-know and/or understand me better forum, where you might be curious about how I came to something in my life through my own personal experience and that may reflect something for you since we are all connected.
A couple of examples that came through on Instagram included things like:
“How have you gotten over a broken heart or how have you been able to let go of a partner?”
“You live a very spiritual life – if that’s the right word to describe it as – how or what helped you to embrace this?”
Please submit questions via my contact page at this link:
Please do not write your questions as comments to this post.
I will only answer questions sent via the Contact format and only up to 11 at most.
If I see that the questions are more involved, I may break them up into more than one blog post when I answer them.
All questions will remain anonymous.
I look forward to hearing any curiosities from you.
Wishing you a positive start to your week and a gentle shift during this beautiful Autumn season of change.
Have you been feeling the pull to take your life to a new level of experience? I know I’m not the only one embarking on a new chapter in life right now and I know that for some this can be both a scary and exciting thing, as well as potentially intense. Change is not always easy, but can become a more fluid experience when you play in the fields of potential with curious wonder, rather than fight it. After all, these shifts are soul nudges that have answered your desires or evolutionary needs, both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes what shows up might not seem aligned with that and yet even when those things seem separate and not connected, there’s something at the heart of it all in essence that may be a hidden gift, reminder, empowering opportunity, or core way to integrate the new path.
I’ve traveled extensively in the outer world to what are considered sacred and exotic spots, but it’s the journeys within and even the traveling between spaces and through all the energetic and emotional nooks and crannies that things like physical travel took me to, that have made all the difference. And while much of that travel has been on more etheric planes, even such things as the sacred tattoos I wear, have been ways to come into my body and harness spirituality more tangibly for this Earth plane I currently reside in.
I feel like we’re being guided through new doorways of experiences, relative to each, but that are operating on a whole new plane of existence – in essence helping to create whole new realities.
Starting all over can feel like so many things, including some unpleasant or uncomfortable variations, but mostly I see it is an opportunity, a potential to rise to the “now” occasion, a possibility for recreating from new choices – a rebirth – and a means to shape in that “now” what the “future-you” already is walking, without past restraints.
Sometimes you might have that tug of war within yourself, as you wrestle with old and new, or sometimes it’s as easy as slipping on a new pair of shoes that feel oh-so-much-more comfortable, spacious, shiny fun, and upgraded.
This last Saturday, 8/18/18 – a very cool number sequence to end on – marked the conclusion to my teaching Reiki, which has been an 11 year cycle. Synchronously, one of my students (who also captured this sneak photo of me teaching) was someone I taught Reiki 1 & 2 to, 10 years ago when she was 19. She now returned, at a completely new place in life to complete her 3rd Master Teacher level and boy has her life positively changed on every level. AND, she’s already put out there to her clientele, that she is available for teaching.
Talk about fast upgrades and changes, but it came with a lot of work over these past 10 years and willingness to keep saying, “yes” to what her soul was putting forth for her, even though her ego wasn’t understanding why and wasn’t fully on board with yet.
In some ways I’m in a similar place where my soul has put forth this inspiration and guidance, after culminating to an ending vortex of choice, and it wasn’t something I saw coming even though I toyed with things twenty five years ago.
That ending left me both fulfilled and feeling uninspired, completely soul spent, and nostalgic for a different place I call home.
In many ways, the “past me” might have seen the work I’ve been doing until recently as being my end result, and in a way it was – as it truly was more of a predictable soul path I was completing from lifetimes of build-up. Many of you likely can relate. And although not necessarily an easy path I was on, it was easier to melt into and only challenging in terms of moving into more vulnerability, clarity, and opening that throat chakra that yearned to teach, yet had the fear to transmute.
When everything pointed to endings 3 years ago, I was left with a choice and so I followed a nudge, went off into Nature (just as John Muir says, “The mountains are calling and I must go”), listened deeply, and found myself here when I might have been elsewhere.
This then put into motion a potential new cycle and so I began playing in this new field of experience and trying on how it felt. I decided to go with it, feeling a new level of inspiration was the very and only thing that would keep me here and that offered a completely new and freer embodiment, if so chosen.
Little by little, and quickly in some cases, I shed my skin and this led to now and a fresh start. During that time, a story began channeling through and I wrote when the moment moved me, while building a new life.
Perhaps the story reflects a journey intimately remembered or maybe it energetically rewrote what has been to what can be.
In any case and for what ever reason yet unknown, it is the only thing calling my heart besides seeing what is possible from living at a different and more balanced vibration.
This past Thursday, 8/16 – a day earlier than expected – I received my manuscript back from my editor (more on that shortly) and this coincided with Astrid’s early birthday gift arriving (her birthday isn’t until 9/15), which I’d ordered custom a couple of months ago, but was on back-order. No coincidence we both received something new and connected on the same day.
Astrid’s gift was this special child’s chair stitched with her name and a star on it, chosen to match my green chair and the green theme in our shared room.
I have both a green chair – my desk one – and a comfy arm chair by my book shelf, which Astrid loves to climb up and sit on. I thought she might enjoy her own arm chair so that she and I could both sit and mastermind together. Besides, every queen needs their special throne and now she has one that declares her star child essence as cosmic spirit in bunny body.
It took until yesterday to finally figure out where she wanted it, but the second I put it together and set it up for trial runs, she was exploring and jumped right in it quite comfortably.
But as the days went on, she was missing her bed and carrot cottage under the stars looking out on the forest by the door, so I moved it to a new location and put her other things back and she instantly said, “yes, that’s it!”
She climbed right in and sat there for long periods not moving at all, but just sitting up tall in it and looking at me from across the room, very regal and wise.
Then she started grooming herself and making it home. Good thing is, it’s super light and therefore totally mobile with a handle on top, so we can move it whenever she feels she wants a new vantage point.
She now goes to sit on it when I sit in my comfy chair and we gaze across at each other, feeling the immensity of our combined energies in this space.
It’s a bit like this new path for me, where I know it’s what my creative spirit is guiding, but will take some adjustments (likely a lot more work than Astrid’s few days of helping me to figure out where it belonged) in order to fit as comfortably in my own new “chair” as she does, but I’m following her example.
That brings me back to receiving my manuscript from the perfect editor I was guided to. I couldn’t be happier and more grateful for the opportunity to work with her and her feedback was just what I had hoped it would be to both support and kick me into deeper explorations with highlighted strengths and weaknesses. I feel as if I’m getting a whole new education and training in a way that works in better alignment for me than studying at a university, for example. She’s definitely my vibrational fit.
Since I had a workshop to teach last Saturday, I put aside editing and novel thoughts except for the summary letter, because I knew that once I dove in, it would be all-consuming. And quite literally, even though I still have yet to go through everything, as I’m creating the space for full digestion of it and all that I feel it will ask of me, it HAS become all-consuming on my mind. I find my thoughts are always going there and so I know where I’m meant to be.
Yet, just from her letter, I can sense the enormity of this commitment and choice I’ve made with it and why nothing else can be on my plate going forward. I was curious how I would feel from receiving the feedback and the only thing it brought up for me was this incredible sense of soul challenge to grow and deepen, which inspires me. I can also feel the reality of the creative limb I’ve flown out on with this, which presents further challenges to rise to, including even the genre choice I decide upon with it.
I definitely have my work cut out for me. I never do things simply, and it makes complete sense that for something to truly engage my heart and spirit to feel inspired to continue on here – regardless of any outcome with it what so ever – it WOULD have to be the biggest challenge yet.
Any fellow writers (or creatives), will understand the journey and it is one that can sometimes take years, of which I’m fully on board and committed to. So I truly don’t know the extent of time this project will take and I’m not rushing it so that I can immerse fully in the growth and learning, feeling that this is about much more than a book – it’s a whole new adventure and journey of mind, body, heart, and spirit.
And it IS a whole new playing field, as I’ve mostly only been a blogger and put out one self-published book – Spiritual Skin, along with a lot of creative writing when I was much younger. This one has the potential for traditional publishing depending on how vulnerably and flexibly I stretch myself and even how I surrender completely to living my dharma and embracing the new lessons this path is creating for me.
In any event, the old cliche is true…”it’s the journey, not the destination” that matters and I can really feel that in traveling this unknown territory simply for sake of bringing through vibrational potential that arises from the challenge and exhilaration of experiencing how far and wide I can fly on the wings of my creative free spirit.
It will definitely involve a constant cycling through of deaths and rebirths, as makes sense with next year’s growth year #13 – death / 4 year I’ll be entering come my birthday. The 4 energy will have me focusing on foundations, sharpening skills, working hard, involved in patient, methodical approaches to goals, nurturing of projects, and overall serious approaches to career, well being/health, and relationships of all kinds for balance. All of which I’ve been preparing for with deep cleaning on all levels and flowing with the creativity that was inspiring me this last 12/3 year I’m still completing.
I didn’t need to know this information on numerology, but it is definitely interesting to see how we do in fact follow the energy imprints regardless of not being aware of them playing out.
I always start experiencing trickles of the upcoming energies before they set in fully and I can see how come this Fall, pretty much exactly after Fall Equinox, I’ll be on a different trajectory.
This also falls perfectly with my sweet and dear Laura coming to spend a fun and potent week here at the same time we co-teach and host our “Living a More Magickal Life” workshop event on the Equinox – the official ending for me to this kind of teaching platform in general. It’s not often that we get in-person time together, but when we do it has always put into motion some huge life shifts for both of us and this coming together in a month from now feels like the most potent alchemy potential we’ve created yet.
So, between now and then I am readying everything, we have some other friends visiting, I’m getting fully organized and cleaned out, creating a workable plan to put into action, reviewing my editor’s feedback, tuning in, and beginning research – that way I’m fully ready to go, come end of September, and dive fully into things.
I see Fall and Winter perfectly fitting for nose-to-the-grind action, but in my newly adapted balanced way so as not to repeat my past neurotic tendencies to overwork myself until I “crash-and-burn.” This is why Dave and I have and will continue implementing a new well-being track into our life, while we also focus on other life goals we’re creating foundations for. It will definitely be a busy 6-8 months to get things ready for the next leg of the journey.
This is why I’ve released everything else, as a way of having laser beam focus on the new and yet without any old patterns being brought into that space and reality that is forming.
There is an invitation being extended to us all I feel where a portal of fresh possibilities await.
Have you also increasingly felt drawn away from things and toward completely new ones?
Where might you create more balance in your life so that you can be more present and vibrant to what is calling your heart’s attention?
Sometimes what we think we should be doing is only a choice away from what we could be doing.
If something nudges you there is reason. Whether it directs you into a whole new life journey or supports your journey with new, you will experience invigoration from listening to that subtle voice rather than dismissing it/you.
Thank you for being part of and supporting my journey. I not only support yours equally, but do my best to keep embracing each challenge on my own, as my contribution to the collective.
You may recall that it was one year ago, today, that magickal Astrid chose me and I embraced her vision of a different level of experience than what I thought at the time. She had the foresight of something bigger and more challenging for me and she was right, as since she came into my life things have transformed rather quickly and continue to reveal surprises with every new experience I open to. Most of it has been laying new foundations for what’s to come, but in saying “yes” to her, to the journey, and ultimately, to me, a domino effect is in motion.
Last year Summer Solstice was on the 20th – this year the 21st – which holds both Astrid and Joy in the magick of this incredible portal that has become very significant for me and a favorite life-changing gateway.
My sweet angel bunny, Joy, transitioned on June 21st two years ago, which was under a Full Moon Solstice energy. And Astrid stepped in on Summer Solstice, one year ago. The full story of Astrid’s journey to me was chronicled in this blog post: Divine Surprises ~ Following the White Rabbit Blew Zephyr In & Cosmically Aligned Astrid
So much has changed since her arrival into my life and part of that has ignited the true magickal child within me, as I’ve set up her and my Wonderland Room to fully nurture our essence and activate our heart’s imagination and vision in bigger ways.
Although I started my book before she came, it is with her at my side that everything came pouring through rapidly and took on a more expansive embodiment. She challenged me to go further, to not accept less than my highest with it, and provided a channel and doorway to access more to bring onto the pages. I find it beautiful that I will be completing this second phase of the book by month’s end or sooner, aligning with the Solstice gateway energy. The first phase was writing the full story, the second was my editing and reworking of it, and third will take it out of my hands to an official editor. There are many parts to the process, but I’m committed to going through each in the fullest of ways possible, without rushing any part of it.
This last year also saw a lot of expansion for Dave and I, as we moved into our new Forest Portal home and rapidly put together our shared business almost overnight. With Astrid came anchoring of visions and setting foundations for growth and opportunity. She reminds me to take each day fully and not get caught up in details, nor try to bend the outcome, as they will come together with each step taken.
There’s a level of presence, purity, courage, and commanding recognition of self that one must meet Astrid with and this can only be if one is consistently doing so in their life in totality. And hence, she has me stepping up my game, so to speak.
And in this year, huge transformations for Astrid have also taken place with the softening of her defensiveness and aggression that had built up from a past of not being seen for who she is and not being treated with the value she deserved. The barriers to her heart have been melting away, as my own have expanded further with her. She’s revealed her magick with much more to come! And, she’s met my own child heart in innocent exuberance, as we play together everyday.
She is so engaging and loves to run, hop, and twist in the air with delight, shake her head and ears, as I say her name with playful energy, and teases me to come chase her. We have a little play ritual where she waits for me each night in the same place and we first snuggle, then I tap her bunny buns and she takes off jumping (or rather springing in the air) and racing, waiting for me to catch up and then takes off this way and that, each time looking for me to keep following like a game of tag. Once she tires she throws herself between the cushions on the floor and that’s the sign it’s time to snuggle again and so we do. I can’t tell you how fun it is and I just laugh out loud the whole way – another lesson of balancing work and play and to have fun while enjoying life fully.
We have many fun rituals and also sweet ones…all of which I cherish. She is extremely wise and intelligent, knows her name and if I call her she will come. She has her ways of communicating to me when she wants things and anything I tell her, she fully understands.
And although she’s super independent, she has no problem with me picking her up and holding her, which I only do if necessary, as truly I like to honor her freedom and encourage our equality.
I’m excited for the mysterious unknown that will continue to unfold, but in the meantime I’m happy for what is.
So, today, I just want to acknowledge this incredible star child who has honored me with her partnership. I don’t know where the journey is headed, but I know we will have fun the whole way, while we expand into more of who we really are.
I won’t be blogging on my birthday, which is this Monday 2/26, so I thought I’d share some thoughts in a post, today, on this nine year anniversary of Joy’s arrival into my life – one of the greatest birthday gifts to date! Although age is meaningless to the eternal spirit, it IS interesting to reflect on all of the judgments and ideas we have around age, which also deters people from humanly acknowledging it, as well as determines life protocol for many to try to reverse it or even speed it up. Although, I’ve never taken issue to stating my age, I have been guilty of all of these things in my past.
In fact, rather than be afraid of or feel protective of my age to the degree of feeling it is no one’s business, I was quite the opposite, where I was adamant to share my age because I could feel the judgments of others upon me and my insecurity around that to blast through their ideas about me. In part, this was my own projection, but being an intuitive, it was largely in response to knowing what people were thinking, and wanting to nip that in the bud immediately.
I recall having meaningful conversations with people in my past and knowing by my outside appearance and things they alluded to, like asking what school I was going to (when in fact I was way past high school and college age) and the way they looked at me in a protectively patronizing way, that they weren’t taking me seriously. Coming from a past of “feeling the need to prove myself” anyway, this of course was my perfect experience called up to move through that.
But, at the time, it just made me want to blurt out how old I was because I knew the connotations attached to age that obviously I was buying into, too, as a sensitive and boundary-less Pisces. So, rather than hide my age, I wore it on my sleeve. And perhaps that might run deeper than simply this, as I also knew the ancient aspects of spirit and to come back again on Earth, starting all over, might even feel demeaning.
Although I know it is a gift and meaningful choice, now, there would definitely have been unconscious anger or resentment over incarnating – an experience locked deep in our DNA, I feel, as a whole, for many reasons.
And so, there I was fighting back with announcing my age, to appease my feelings that not only in fact what I had to say was meaningful and important, but my incarnating here had purpose I was trying to remind myself with this declaration.
I’m not sure if I’m conveying this in the depth of potency it has, but in realizing and understanding this, it made a huge shift and got more parts of myself aligned and on board, rather than having an internal fight against myself, which only adds to the depletion of self love and creates more fragmenting and less empowerment.
The greatest battle and ongoing war, is truly the one within and I believe it stems from so much subconscious anger at our humanness.
And this made sense, as I always felt more inhuman and thus laid ahead a journey of merging and a return to natural harmony.
Then there was the young me wishing I was older and wanting to race through the years as fast as I could because I not only knew my younger years would be the hardest, but I also soulfully knew it wasn’t until later, in my mid-forties, that I would find my peace and really start “living.” A cruel form of intuitive vision when you know you STILL have to go through the years to get there. Yet, I wanted to escape, as much as I knew I couldn’t.
And still yet, there was the me who bought into these ideas of physically reversing age. Mind you, not in any fanatical way, but I was aware of ways in which one could “look” their best and all of those catch phrases even in the spiritual community that are about longevity, reversing the clock, ways one “should” look or how life should look if you are “ascending,” and what you “should” be able to do and accomplish if you are in fact turning back the sands of time.
I still marvel at this messaging and collective-buy-into, today, and although I understand aging is not a spiritual attribute, we are still on a three dimensional planet, we do still have individual journeys that are not measured by a certain amount of time we need to be here, and we are still judging what something looks like and associating it with living a life that’s “less than” if in fact it doesn’t fit into what collectively we see as “ideal” and “vibrant”. Just another form of self-abuse masked as spiritual enlightenment.
Are there things you can do to reverse physical appearance? Sure, but if in fact you are healthy, happy, and aligned in your expression of you, why then does that matter here on Earth?
If I want to have silver hair or wrinkles, why does that automatically mean I’m deficient? Or that there’s something wrong? I am still part human, and that part isn’t necessarily what I’ve chosen to walk in forever. Perhaps these indicate my true eternal quality? Why is there only one way to characterize this or see it?
There isn’t just one way, and I feel that the faster we open ourselves to multiple perspectives and possibilities, the faster we will free ourselves into a more grace-filled way of being and come into our multi-dimensionality.
Why do I bring this up?
Well, for one, I feel that vulnerability and transparency are powerful and key things to bring forth into our lives in greater frequency right now. Something I just shared yesterday on my Facebook feed with these reflections:
Everything points to going deeper into our hearts and connecting through them, with these as the guiding forces. The more we nurture these within, the more we encounter empowered embodiment, authentic experiences, connections, clarity, and alignment in our manifestations. And, the less we encounter triggers, hidden surprises, and forced change or reaction to what is revealed in the collective environment.
I feel that being vulnerable and transparent isn’t so much about allowing everything to bombard us as it pleases, but involves also a healthy balance of knowing and exercising our boundaries. This isn’t about hiding or repressing ourselves, however, but about knowing how to say “no” and not allowing certain frequencies to shift our own. Being openly expressive is not draining in this vein, but empowering and helps increase vitality. What is draining is when we fight our true expression or are having to deal with unwanted energies. Vulnerability and transparency is being willing to share the truth in our hearts and this helps others not to be afraid to do the same too. Fear around this is draining our energy, as we use so much of it to hide, worry, or create walls, which inhibit our gifts to shine through.
We can all shine, regardless of age, physical appearance, the list of accomplishments you have, or the things you own in your life.
The way I’ve discovered doing this is to live life out loud and to “create life as a work of art” – my motto.
I share the photo above, as it is the most recent photo of me (a week old) that reflects a much more peaceful, harmonious, grounded, embodied, softer, more secure, gently joyful, balanced, and creatively passionate me.
Vibrant bursts of color reflect my soul song frequency and inspire creativity to bubble through. Perhaps it’s the artist me or perhaps I’m simply inspired by Nature and how she exudes life force in every shade of beauty possible. Her blossoming myriad of expressions sing of love.
She is a woman of my heart and the only example I take to heart of how to live in the grace of being.
I love that now I have no emotional trigger or any tiny weirdness around my human expression and emanation of my spirit.
I will still always have resonance to otherworlds, but no longer need to prove that, nor anything else about my being here the way I choose to show up, as once my younger Earthly self felt she needed to do.
Merging embrace of my multi-dimensional self allows me the ability to enjoy each different aspect for what ever they are and however I am choosing to express them, without attachment.
They are ALL me and as the artist me, and using the power of creative love through me, I know their intrinsic beauty and value in the spiral of consciousness.
I now walk this reality as alive as ever, because it is my canvas to create in the reflection of my essence and my playground for exploration and total freedom of how I want to share that in any given moment.
Although chronological age is not important, the numerology factor is still interesting and revealing to explore.
45 is a combination of the energy of 4, 5 and their combined total of 9.
4 builds solidity and stability, foundations for self and others, draws forth passion and drive together for achieving success (whatever that means to you), and 5 adds personal freedom, adventure, creativity, courage to explore unknowns, letting imagination go free, versatility, major life shifts through lessons learned, while 9 brings things full circle, adds patience, intuition, soul mission, inner strength, sense of personal responsibility, humanitarianism, global focus, living and leading by example, and spiritual enlightenment.
These feel to be the energies I’m integrating at this time of my life and the foundations of where I am and where I’m headed.
I read that 45, numerologically, has a focus on putting your efforts and energy towards the things in your life that enhance and fully embody who you truly are – from the smallest of things to the largest of things – what we surround ourselves with, what we wear even, the things we focus on and are working on bringing into the world, and our lifestyle choices and overall life in general. It’s also about really putting things into full-embodied action so results manifest, keeping focused, and integrating a more pragmatic way to be a guiding force.
I’m also going to be igniting a 12/3 year come my birthday and this speaks to the creative rebirth taking place for me, an inner calling surfaced, release from all karmic ties, and everything coming together in my life story as I reach a significant stage on my journey.
So, while I may have been wanting to fast forward things in my younger years, I can understand why that visionary part of me was looking forward to now, as this truly is the most full-circle time of my time here on Earth – this life and aspect of my multi-dimensional self – and the most peace-filled.
There is peace no matter what today or tomorrow brings, as there is peace right here and now in my heart.
My new thing in recent years has been to gift myself birthday gifts to not only celebrate the new energy with supportive things that light up my heart, but to celebrate all that I’ve gone through to be here.
This year seemed to start a few months early, as truly wonderful birthday gifts were received from friends, loved ones, and family far before now, and some incredible surprises along the way that truly touched my heart.
So many of them were rabbit-focused and went along with the theme of my Wonderland office, with Alice in Wonderland fun.
My favorite gifts-to-self include the colorful, handmade shawl you see me wearing in the photo, two necklaces (including an incredibly magickal rabbit and a powerful “origins” and DNA activator), another gorgeous Faery book (I gifted myself one last year too), a custom made pen (for the writer me), a custom made wand (for the ancient me), and a “crown” chakra headpiece I’ve had intention of for years, but took until now to draw in the perfect one. Seems appropriate.
I don’t have any particular plans this year on my birthday, so we’ll see what intuitively and organically shows up, but we will be embarking on a super fun adventure March 7th – 17th, which feels to be my birthday journey of origins and more.
We’ll be heading to Arizona, first spending 3 days with Dave’s family in Tucson and then heading up to the Grand Canyon to meet up with our sweet friends you’ve heard me mention in past Summer posts – KC, aka Bean, and Clint, aka Happy. My Faery and Elf friends who returned my two giant quartz to their momma after my foot fracture and who took me on a Cirrus G6 private flight over Lake Tahoe.
From there, we head into the GC for an epic trekking and camping adventure, to introduce the energy and magick of this realm to us. Well, more me, because Dave has been inside of the GC before, but I haven’t. I’ve only explored the rim. Nor have I ever done this kind of trek, as I only camped a tiny bit when I was a little girl. Our adventures have been limited, but oh-so not limiting, to the Magick Bus RV living.
But come March, Bean and Happy (who will be working in the GC starting a week after our adventure, are GC experts, and love her inside and out) will be sharing her with us through their eyes, as we venture into her mysteries for several days. This will be an intro only, as we couldn’t do a super long trek this go-around, so more will definitely have to come once we sink our feet into the Earth here.
The reason I said this will be a journey of origins and more has to do with the ancient Earth here and the energy, which I know will be activating for me and synchronizes with my origins theme, because apparently there are hidden Egyptian temples that predate Egypt by 7000 years tucked safely away in the canyon walls for only certain eyes to see (this info coming to me all at once from several sources). Regardless of actually seeing them, the energy will be there and this connects more dots with why I felt so compelled to go on this trip, why it fell into place so seamlessly (including super challenging permits they were able to get for us for it), and ties into that Africa energy (which I’ve had more interesting dots light up with other connections too, since those posts).
A “Grand” birthday/new year/kick off indeed!
However, the greatest gift is this storybook year for me, and that my book’s completion and manifestation is close at hand and along with writing it, I’m writing a new reality into being from my heart.
I’m so grateful for every chapter of this story of life and that you have all been willing to colorfully show up and play in it with me, through the fun and challenge, and through the mystery and adventure of it all.