As Summer sweetens into a lazy haze, my bare feet find solace in the thick cool clover reminding me that my blossom friends will return again.
Hints of auburn and gold Autumn hide between pine needles and sneak up each morning after anointment of faery wands dancing through the night.
Late afternoons and darkening evenings glow by the silvery song of the tree frog.
He croaks outside the door to call in a mate and his voice is both sweet and sad. I hope he won’t be alone for long.
This bitter and sweet lingers on the air of transition, as I say goodbye to the last of the foxgloves and hello to the seasonal wildflowers that seem to come and go in a blink.
Life spans are shortened like the days and light, as a mystique rolls in on the Zephyr winds.
Change is rumbling through the Earth and our bones, as seasonal circadian rhythms take on a new dance with the forest creatures in preparation.
My feet sink deeper into the cool clover; toes curling into their memories.
For whatever reason this morning this blog post from 4 years ago came to me to reshare. Perhaps it has meaning or supportive words for some of you who are going through challenges, transitions, confusion, or unknowns in your life at this time. I couldn’t reblog it for some reason, so here is the link: Reverence for the Void
I’m noticing how so many conscious souls are finding themselves in this “recreating self” mode of visioning and embodying new expressions that are most soulfully and heartfully aligned with essence. And this seems to involve a huge rush of expansive possibilities excitingly knocking on the door. So many potentials, so many doors….the question being which to open, and in direct connection, which to close? There are so many potentials to choose from and the beauty is, you can create any reality you want, as the energetic environment is fertile for sure! The key is to make that first choice to take a step forward, which is usually the largest hurdle and may be the one causing the most challenge or fear.
Sure, there is timing, alignment, and flow to be mindful of and definitely honoring that fluidity of energy right now that can shift at the drop of a gnome’s hat, so everything is really about an organic process that reveals itself moment to moment by being in natural harmony with all things.
But there is also that fear hurdle – fear of making the wrong choice, fear of the new, fear of stepping into your most authentic footprints yet, fear of not succeeding, fear of vulnerability in bringing forth the most truest heart parts of yourself into the world in big ways, fear of letting go of what has been comfortable and you’ve become expert at, fear of saying no to opportunities that “seem” different or play on your “service mentality” making you think “what if” this is an exception you can still be involved in, fear of not knowing if what you’re choosing is the end result you want…..and the list goes on.
I know for myself in terms of fears this also equates to my boundaries. I’ve always been one to give and want to help, not had any boundaries as a Pisces, and have spent lifetimes in service roles, and yet now I’m rewriting the idea of “to serve” into something more like “showing up authentically and living from the highest frequency of my soul signature” which automatically is for the highest good of all concerned without having to differentiate and without giving up personal power by placing one, if even by definition, in a subservient or martyr role.
I say “no” to everything that doesn’t feel to feed my creative freedom and joy right now. I stay consistent with that no matter how much something pulls on my heart strings, as I know that when I make the move forward into the new, the old will come at me in many forms and disguises simply because it’s the natural process of cleansing and bringing it up.
If I let one thing in, then the old gets in in slippery ways.
Has that brought up stuff for me? Of course!
Has it challenged me? Definitely!
Have I felt the fears of walking away from successful things? Sure!
But what I found is the more I consistently committed to saying “no” and honoring my boundaries in a truly compassionate way which accounts for true responsibility for the highest good of all concerned, the easier it has been and it becomes crystal clear what is the new and the old, what is the me now and the me then.
So I keep moving forward and the old’s power diminishes, while the strong becomes fortified and my courage and conviction for what I know to be of truest expression to myself grows.
I’ve risked walking away from successful things and even likely having people think I’m crazy, but I’d rather be me than doing something that drains me or that appeases others ideas.
I keep saying no to so many requests from potential clients, because I know in my heart that my heart is not there anymore.
And like many of you, I’ve had that quandary of not knowing where to begin…having so many irons in the fire of ideas and potentials. But as I explored each of them, I discovered where the energy was most speaking to the now, which would likely lead and open doors to more, including the rest, and which currently was the most passion-fulfilling and heart connected in this moment of joyful expression and what was aligned with the collective new reality I’m helping to cocreate.
And so I started there, knowing there is no ONE end result, but it is all an unfolding process that I listen to the energy of in each moment.
I/we need to take a step and the rest unfolds from there….there isn’t a wrong choice. There’s just choice.
If you can’t figure out which speaks most to you, just try one and see if the energy flows, or if it gets blocked and then you’ll be led to the next step.
Or, you’ll discover yourself totally immersed in flow and passionate expression and know you’re in the perfect place for now.
But the Universe waits for you to make a choice and then aligns with you, and that choice will also be evident by the energetic environment and what seems to be showing up, flowing most easily, and likely has had signs thrown at you that you might be ignoring since you are waiting for how all of the things you see will come together now.
That is a process. It all IS happening now, but in a different way than you think.
So the first fear hurdle is making a choice. Once you do that, you will see how things flow and open and become easier to navigate, to feel/see more clearly, and understand.
And yes, I have my own personal vulnerabilities and fears of the new, or rather the self-doubts that creep up. But I’m happy to say that they are outweighed and outlived by my trust in the energy I feel that surpasses the doubts now.
So while they can come into my experience now and then, I am easily able to walk myself through them within minutes and understand them as indication of my willingness to see them and move through them, while also indicating a new found strength, courage, and commitment that is running the show now, rather than the doubts or insecurities.
It’s truly a beautiful process when we partner with ourselves and our subconscious and inner child. We can have honoring and compassionate conversations that result in pure alchemy.
So while in essence the new I’m focusing on is within the umbrella of the creative me I’ve always been expressing, they are new ventures and perhaps in some ways not exactly how people imagined I’d bring it forth. Although, once I do, my guess is that because it is so aligned with my essence, people will likely say, “oh yeah, of course that’s Tania!”.
And yet there is that risk of greater and greater vulnerability to put out there the more we dig deep into the well of our souls and bring it forth publicly.
That can be scary, but it is inevitably freeing and liberating, as you release the self-bondage that’s been heavily carried all these years, or perhaps lifetimes and draining your energy to truly shine and share with the world.
Do I know if what I will create will be what is known in the world as “successful” or equal what I’ve done that was “successful”?
No, but I know it is a success if I’m doing exactly what I know in my heart I’m wanting and needing to do and doing it simply for the sake of it’s being the breath of life for me and not spending and wasting time on trying to figure out how that equates in any other way, as to me that takes care of itself when we are authentically being.
That is MY idea of success….when I’m living a life from my heart and every day is a joy to be expressing myself and experiencing my version of reality.
So that brings us to mourning.
When we’re creating the new we may go through a process of mourning the old….whether an old way of life, a relationship, any kind of experience of loss, a job, a home, or a part of ourselves.
This is natural and goes along with the fear process, as when we mourn, we may also have fears brought up that go hand-in-hand with it of thinking we will never again experience something like that again or that it never gets any better, that you’ll never experience what you want, etc.
And the truth is, you won’t experience something like that again.
But you’ll experience something better, which you can’t imagine right now from the place of your current, natural mourning, cleansing, and releasing of the old process.
Everything is relative to where we are currently.
The new is only possible to experience in the essence of our imagination, but will be even better than what you envision.
I always intend things to be “this or something better,” as I never limit myself to what I am only capable of seeing/thinking/imagining at the moment, as possibilities are unlimited.
But yes, we will mourn and that is something to honor for sure, while having gratitude for all that we’ve experienced and have been blessed with whether seen as gifts or not – because they all are and have helped us get to this point – and we will go through that human heart process of temporary growing pains for sure.
Let it flow….and it will flow through.
I have this going on in very literal ways with processing my own mourning of Cosmo, not long after mourning Joy – my two rabbit best friends and wise teachers who recently transitioned within four months of each other.
And they, to me, represent the passage of an old era of me, and mourning so much more than the beautiful physical companionship we shared.
Joy especially ended a time period of my life since she came into my life over 7 years ago when so much was shifting for me.
And Cosmo ended another huge shift in my life that came to closure with the new self-discovery journey and the Magick Bus explorative adventure to move energy into the new.
And yet they both knew exactly when to leave this Earth plane, as I’m embarking on the new and they’ve ingrained the knowing of my soul path most deeply to prepare for what’s coming. They know how best to support me from the other realms for magickal assistance and channeling.
With each passing of my beloved soul companions – Nestor, Joy, Cosmo and Gaia the tortoise, I’ve always thought I’d never have that connection again, and yet each time I did and it deepened.
Yes, I’ve been challenged in my heart, even though I know with all my heart and soul they are with me so strongly and not gone at all. I’ve had a lot of mourning with Cosmo especially due to our daily intimate connecting on a constant basis that was very physical as well as spiritual.
But the sadness is true alchemy for me, as I channel it all in greater depth of creative self expression and even deeper knowing of myself and my path and this shows up in what I bring through me, as it does for us all.
It is through the beauty of mourning, which reminds me of Gaelic “keening” that one’s exquisite soul expression comes to graceful surface. Keening is a deep soulful, eerily beautiful lamenting song that is expressed by women in Ireland and Scotland at funerals and in honor of the “dead”.
And so, I keen a song of honor of all that was and is, as a beautiful and divine tapestry that brings us to the culmination of all that IS in the now.
Through acknowledgment and embrace of our fears, through the natural process of grieving, through loving ourselves and honoring what is in our hearts, through courageous steps, we make leaps into the new.
You do not have to see the end result.
You do not have to know how this story will unfold.
You simply need to get writing it.
As they say, a writer writes…..If you want the new to take form, then get writing it, one word, paragraph, and page at a time.
It gets easier as you let the “stuff” gently glide off your shoulders. You don’t need to carry it with you forward. If you hold onto the weight, your wings can’t open and take to flight.
I’d like to see you fly. I’d like to see us all fly.
And so the best way I can do that is to open my own wings.
The amphibious and metamorphic essence of frog is one that feels very close to me of recent. And it’s no wonder I’ve seen so many frogs along our travels, like this one, since Nature reflects to us our mirror. Frogs are strongly connected to the water element and since fluidity has become the journey more than ever, I’m seeing how their essence in so many ways does in fact partner in the flow. They are truly magickal creatures that speak of renewal, purity, cleansing, healing, transitions, abundance, creative fertility, and opportunities abound.
Indeed their ancient wisdom helps foster new perspectives and assists us to leap or swim swiftly from one level of consciousness to another – from this world to the Otherworlds. Frogs help us to experience the Great Mystery with ease and swim in Moon Magick and all of her gifts of the Sacred Feminine.
And how perfectly fitting frog is with our upcoming Full Moon in Aries this Sunday the 16th, which is a Super Moon heralding a real lively burst of energy available to harness and that partners these Sacred energies in a productively beautiful dance.
Frogs help us to find courage in accepting new ideas, to foster a sense of self-nurturing, and to discover connections between ideas. And like this Full Moon’s energy, they align with this being the time NOW to focus on healing and freeing yourself from pain and suffering by cleansing all toxicity from your life (people, habits, things, ideas, etc.) that’s impinging on your freedom and both hurting and holding you back.
Both Aries and frogs are about exciting opportunities being presented and your ability to act now and get things done you’ve been wanting to or procrastinating.
Any projects been knocking at your door?
Hop to it!
You’ll be supported with ease.
When a frog jumps into your life it may be indicative of the opportunities that can be discovered in the now of your transition. And this Moon energy will help to positively get those underway.
The frog has a unique growth cycle and undergoes some incredible transformations in its progression and attainment of full adulthood, just as we humans do. Hence, frog understands what it feels like to endure some serious growing pains, and uncomfortable and even yucky feelings, along that transition.
Their ability to lay enormous amounts of eggs lends to their fertility symbolism as well as being synonymous with abundance.
Frog’s medicine reminds us of our ties and bonds with all life, help us to understand our emotions more deeply, support healing transformations and cleansing rebirth, and activate the remembrance of our ancient origins of cosmic watery essence.
Aries is also the initiator of beginnings and partnered with our sound healing friend the frog, remind us of our song that ignites our essence into wholeness.
I felt guided to recount my last days and what I experienced with my rabbit, Joy, through video share rather than writing a long account. It felt to be a more personal, transparent, and vulnerable way to do so, while also the way of honoring that felt most resonant. While I didn’t share every detail, it is still a long video, and is a way to express what has happened to all who have been asking, wondering, and have shared concern, a way to process more layers of my integration with it, and a way to be of assistance to others that are going through loss, as well as to help understand these natural and yet magickal cycles.
The video was shot in one succession of recount, however due to its size I was cut off during it and had to re-record immediately where I left off, multiple times. Due to that, there may be a couple of words where the videos are threaded together that are lost, but the general message should all be there and I did my best to pick back up and repeat where I left off.
I didn’t know how it would come through, nor prepared for it, so what ever was meant to I believe did.
Here is the video share from my heart:
There are a few things I wanted to add that are beautiful memories for me, which I’ll do so interspersed with some beautiful photo memories of Joy in her last days (which you’ll find at the end) and over time, here below.
I mention in the video that I knew this was coming for Joy, I just didn’t know the exact time until the day of her passing. That morning I knew she was leaving and said that to both Dave and Janet, who was still around at the time. I knew she wouldn’t make it through that day, but there were different scenarios that could play out and I was only concerned with the path of least pain for her and to honor her wishes, so going to any extent was necessary in my mind, which ended up being driving nearly 2 hours to create the alignments necessary.
But a few days before her having more issues and my taking her in for surgery, I had a dream. It was more involved than what I’ll share, but I don’t remember anything more than this.
In the dream she was a giant bunny, the same size as me. It was her, but there were also some elements of Nestor in her. I remember her taking her paws and back legs and wrapping them fully around me, and then me doing the same with my own arms and legs, leaving us in a giant embrace and snuggling one another like a big bear hug – my face immersed in her soft fur.
I felt her immense love in this human-sized hug and when I woke I knew she was wanting to let me know that she appreciated all of my efforts, that she knew I was doing all that I could, that she loved me so much, and for me to know she was preparing to leave.
So, things from there were not surprising and it was definitely no coincidence she chose a cosmic portal and full moon to bridge her journey to the beyond.
To demonstrate Joy’s ever-giving love and devotion to being of service, while she was ill, just before I was able to get her in to have surgery, I wanted to give Dave a Reiki healing attunement for things that he was going through and in the middle of the attunement, Joy hopped over and helped out. She went to his right foot and nosed him, sitting there flowing Reiki to him along with me until I was done. Something Nestor also used to do. I managed to capture a quick photo in the midst of things, as I wanted Dave to see how much she loved him and had been helping out despite her own challenges.
Another beautiful moment was after her surgery when I went in to see her to take her home and she immediately licked my hand to greet me. She is not a licker like Cosmo, as this is a new expression of affection for her of recent, so it was quite touching. Again, I knew she was thanking me for helping to ease her physical pains with the surgery and also sharing her love and happiness to see me.
I mentioned in the video that my friend Christopher, who had joined on my sacred journey to Peru last March for the Equinox, was supportive through the process…synchronously Joy had chosen to transition in Bozeman, Montana where he just so happened to live and so there was divine alignment in his being there for me, as I had been there for him in Peru, which was incredibly beautiful.
Not only was I able to stay at his house, since I had to drive an hour and 45 minutes to get her to the ER there, but he was with me when I received the news, drove me back to say goodbye to her physical body and make arrangements for her ashes, gave me a moss agate healing pendant gift that has been supportive through the process, and then continued to provide his loving friendship and connection during our days in Bozeman, which included an epic hike in honor of Joy and to send out energy to the collective through a crystal grid (more on that in an upcoming post).
I will never forget the last day I had with Joy where I stayed home with her and basically laid on the floor next to her for hours snuggling and petting her, trying to syringe feed, hydrate, and give her meds so she didn’t have pain, and playing music to her while I sang from my heart. I left her for only about 45 minutes to an hour to take a walk on the lake where we were staying, check in on Janet’s dog, Daisy, stay grounded and balanced, and to do a sound channeling, which I shared already called – Preparing the Way.
Music, sound, and singing seemed to be the theme for our last day together, as that continued on the long car ride to the ER, and has been a connective thread to our relationship over all of the years she’s been with me.
I picked up Joy’s ashes when we officially landed in Bozeman, this past Sunday and it was an emotional release again when I brought her ashes to Dave waiting in the car.
He had not been there, as we were apart when she passed, so it was emotionally unleashing for him and we shared some tears and I found myself comforting him, rather than needing the comfort myself due to my integrating the processes that have been leading up to this unfolding.
Synchronously, Joy’s doctor texted me right after I picked up her ashes. He’d called me the night of her passing and now was checking in on me and how I was doing and how Cosmo was with everything, as we had discussed him as well in our hours of talking.
He had even offered help and consulting for Cosmo if ever I needed it. He definitely was going way beyond the call of any duty, as he is truly an angel. He wanted me to continue to keep him posted about Cosmo and told me he thought I was a special soul and beyond any doctor client thing, if ever I was back in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, he would love to meet and connect again, and give me another hug in person. ❤
Just a couple of days before receiving Joy’s ashes we spent an evening having refreshments on Yellowstone River, reminiscing about Joy and reviewing all of her life over sweet and funny photos and videos I have stored on my phone – the only photos I keep on my cell phone are nearly 500 photos of Joy and Cosmo. 🙂
It has definitely been a celebration and honoring of both her life and death, but mostly just about her eternally beautiful, joyous, sweet, and magnanimous soul.
I mentioned in a previous post about the special bottle pendants I had the foresight of getting to house some of the ashes of all three of my bunnies that I would keep – the rest to spread on the Earth where I felt led. Yesterday, on the day I made this video while Cosmo was in surgery, I also transferred Joy’s ashes to her bottle.
I am guided that I will be spreading the rest of both Nestor’s and Joy’s ashes somewhere. The place for Nestor is known and perhaps Joy will be with her, or somewhere else maybe in Montana since she chose this state and I’ve felt Montana was important for a while, not knowing why. I have spread Nestor’s ashes in many sacred places across the globe, but feel the journey is complete and all will come to rest somewhere shortly. The same with Joy’s.
It is time for them to both fully be released.
Joy’s passing to the otherworld is definitely the end of an era in my life and the beginning of a new one.
Here is the sweet way that Joy’s ashes were presented to me in a little flower tin marked “Joy Marie” inside a velvet bag with a card that has wildflower blooms inside of a heart to plant in her honor and quotes about the Rainbow Bridge, along with these:
…love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Khalil Gibran
Grief never ends…but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of LOVE ❤
I am grateful to have known, cherished, and been present with the depth of love and my love for Joy before separation. Separation simply reiterates its magnitude I will never lose feeling of.
I have experienced the passages of grief, coming to honor and embrace its beauty and significance and I share my vulnerability through those passages, as my testament of that love and trust continuously expanding.
On April 27th I celebrated the 8th anniversary of my beloved Nestor’s passing and during my time communing with her on our last day in Moab, Utah while hiking to Morning Glory Natural Bridge I asked for a message from her to share with others. This is what came through our connection via message and sound channeling, which was my way of honoring her, as well as sharing the profound wholeness our connection and the experience of physically losing her has gifted me. It’s our hope in some way it will be of support and help you with your own integrative journey through the experience of loss, sadness, and pain.
I first shared this earlier today via my May Newsletter, but given today’s experiences and some messages I received, I felt guided to post it tonight here.
It felt very vulnerable in sharing it and still does, but here it is.
So many synchronous alignments take place right before our eyes, but go unnoticed if we aren’t paying attention….if we aren’t present.
I was doing a quick little Tarot reading for myself outside yesterday and pulled a card from two of my decks.
From one I received “Spring Equinox”.
From the other I received “Into The Woods”.
Right off the bat, in the images, do you notice anything?
There is a rabbit in both of them.
In the first, she is holding the rabbit. In the second the rabbit is walking along with the Faery, hidden behind her gown.
There also happens to be a butterfly and owl present, which are both symbolism and guides that keep showing up for me as well.
Before I get to the message I received, you might be asking why I posted the first photo of my plants from the mini garden?
Well, look closer to what may seem not obvious and hidden.
Right after I pulled these cards and reflected on their message, I looked up and saw from the same viewpoint as is in that photo and immediately said, wow!
There happens to be a caterpillar cocooning (hanging from the pot in the background – hard to see in photo because the background stuff is out of focus, but look at the little green thing hanging from some gauzy white).
There also happens to be a hidden strawberry blossom in the foreground (under the dark leaf in the front). The only one.
When I pulled back the leaf I saw the beautiful red blossom with strawberry center that is emerging.
How perfect is all of that in combination with the message?
A direct reflection, confirmation, and manifestation.
All mirroring what is going on in my life currently.
All mirroring the reflections, messages, and support that is all around all of us, if we are present enough to “see”.
So what of the messages?
Well, everyone may interpret things in different ways, but what I received from the cards and all of the reflections was that I’ve been and will continue in a cycle of rebirthing right now…I got that this will continue literally through Spring Equinox in March.
I seem to be really following Nature’s cycles more than ever, which is why everything in my life aligns with the Moon phases, seasons, and Sun. And why I’m living more in a variety of Nature settings at this time, which are guiding the way.
So this will continue to be a time of clearing and simplifying, while redefining and recreating myself.
Rabbit, butterfly, and owl have much to share from the wisdom they embody and are helping me with doing the same.
Rabbit being my close familiar who shares my heart’s path. The image in “Spring Equinox” reminds me of me holding Cosmo.
And alongside that, “Into The Woods” shares that this is also a time of new experiences during much transition. (The card reminds me of the “Faery me” photo in Sequoia National Park I posted earlier today)
This is a time of moving between worlds and from one realm to another – great change that will take me farther beyond my usual realm of experience – if you can imagine that. 🙂
Time to take big leaps and go into unknown places that may feel uncomfortable and challenge me further, but all leading to greater strength and fulfillment. It’s a time of vulnerability and greater transparency with great rewards and blossoming of gifts from the courage I embrace.
There is no turning back from this point….only forging ahead, but with great care.
The image reveals a flowering forest lit with magickal star dust that assures me the journey is well worth any awkwardness of transition and is divinely guided and supported.
The card shares:
“And as she walks, something happens to her fears. In their place grow her fallen dreams; her shattered purpose begins to reshape itself. As she faces each guilt, each fear, in their place springs hope and faith, and she understands that her dreams can be recreated. She will walk on, and the world will cease to be fearful, but full of joyous potential.”
The rabbit in the card is her companion, much like in my life, and the rabbits assure me that I am headed in the right direction and are encouraging and supporting me to continue forward into what I’ve felt guided to do.
All of this would make greater sense, if you knew the work I’m being inspired to create…for the rabbits are my guiding force behind everything.
Amazing the alignments that reveal themselves when we really decide to show up in life.
While this may have been my personal message, it definitely could be one for the collective too, since the cycles of Nature and life are shared by us all.
Where do you feel called into greater depths of yourself?
Know that you, too, are supported when you commit to forging ahead, move forward without knowing the how’s, and follow what you know in your heart you must do.
This is a time of transition, but with great rewards if you take the steps and keep courageously believing.