It’s been a very challenging, intense, and volatile period for the collective. We’ve been experiencing the passing of many beautiful souls, both in human and animal bodies that are making their transition. Things are shifting in ways that have immense impact and hopefully create the impetus for immense change.
Like many of you, I have also experienced the passing of dear ones, and have been supporting others going through the same. As you may know, my sweet Russian Tortoise, Gaia, recently moved on into her cosmic self, and just Friday a very dear friend of mine moved into the peace and expanse of his soul.
It is he that I wish to honor and remember today, after just learning of his passing yesterday.
Some of you may know him as well, so if this is your first time learning of this, I hold you in love as you integrate the news.
The beautiful soul I speak of is Cliff Durfee.
You may remember my post about his wonderful book, Stories for the Inner Ear, which includes my thoughts on it, as well as a bio of Cliff for anyone interested in knowing more about the life he led and other books he’s authored.
As his bio shares, Cliff spent the last thirty years + “devoted to personal and spiritual growth, developing intuition, and supporting people in aliveness, love, and laughter.” And this truly is who he IS at heart – always giving, always open to deepening his experience, gratitude, and understanding of the mysteries of life.
He often told me of the stories from his past where he had opportunity to meet and engage with people like Shakti Gawain, before her books became popular (an author that was important along my journey), as well as Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, and others. He had such a wealth of knowledge and richness of experience to share. And in recent years had become devoted to educating people on chemtrails, and shared with me his passions of projects he was wanting to create to support others.
If you haven’t read “Stories for the Inner Ear”, I highly recommend it for the reasons you’ll find at the link. Plus, it will really give you a glimpse of the heart and soul of Cliff.
There’s so much I could say about Cliff, but really want mostly to remember the beauty of who he is and always will be, as his soul lives on in every way and in every one of the people he touched with his immense heart.
Cliff and I became good friends online via Facebook maybe 6 years ago, and we then continued a friendship outside of that forum, on Skype messaging and calls, as well as emails. The world wide web certainly has made it possible to enjoy wonderful connections and bridge the space between physical distance, even if it does create other issues to be mindful of.
We always shared a special and mutually admiring friendship, but it wasn’t until a couple of years ago that we finally had the chance to meet in person, even though we lived about an hour to an hour and a half apart. Divine timing is always at work.
This would be the only time we connected in the physical, but it was so perfect and reflective of who we each are in essence and the beauty of our friendship. I’m so grateful for it.
On that day, I went down to visit him in Encinitas and we spent a lovely day together, as he showed me his world and we shared many a hug, smile, and laughter.
I got to see the wonderful place he called home and the trees, flowers, and plants outside his place that he often told me about that were dear to him and that he could see out his window from where he worked and talked to me (including stories on how he saved many of them and some trees he stopped the tree cutters from cutting down).
I had the chance to meet the lovely little parakeet that adopted him (Sweety Bird) and shared some tea, as he showed me some of his life treasures, including an angel I’d sent him, which he said was so dear to him.
I also had the chance to visit some of his favorite spots including exploring the Self Realization Fellowship Hermitage and Meditation Gardens above the ocean, his favorite lunch spot – Lotus Cafe and Juice Bar – for a vegan lunch and shared dessert, and then a long walk and continued meaningful conversation on his favorite Moonlight Beach.
How grateful I was and am that I got to see all these reflections of him that he held so dear, as well as share stories and hear of the wonderful experiences he’d had in his life and the stories behind his lovely book.
And even though we physically met only once, our connection was one that extended well beyond, as a soul friendship running very deep and dear.
Cliff was to me such a pure soul that exuded love, gentleness, compassion, and innocence. While he was such a wise man, that was all embodied in an incredibly sweet child.
It is this place that he and I met so beautifully and the thing we both respected and admired in one another.
Cliff often wrote the sweetest messages and comments on my posts that truly touched me, and he daily extended his gratitude in deep ways for who I was. He told me I’d inspired him to be vegan, and often sent me vegan recipes he found, knowing how much I liked to make things. He always commented on my posts when I shared a vegan dish I’d made, saying how he wished to be my next door neighbor so we could share in the yummyness.
I wished we could have too. And yet now we are in a way. I’ll smile every time I make something in the kitchen, knowing he is right beside me enjoying the process and now able to be with me to enjoy them as he wanted.
He often made mention that that one day we shared as friends, meeting in a timeless sacred space, changed and infused him with a new outlook on life, by his being able to experience seeing life through my eyes that day.
And yet, it is I who felt most gratitude and honor FOR HIM, as it was the reflection of who he is that drew out the essence of who I am. I often told him in each of our exchanges, how dear he was, and how much I so appreciated him.
Never did either of us take for granted any conversation or connecting time, no matter how small or short it may seem.
He often called me his angel, and yet he is now mine living in the expansive freedom, joy, purity, and love that he is in my heart and in all of the hearts of those who hold him dear and the many he has, and will continue to touch with his soul, and through his beautiful work he gifts us.
Cliff is one of those very special souls that you are truly blessed in life to be graced with their presence. I did and always will adore him.
I did not have the chance to be with him in his last days, but I did have the opportunity to talk to him, which I’m so grateful for. My connection with him, kept me intuitively in tune, and when I felt something and hadn’t heard from him, it made me check in with him. That is how I found out about his sudden turn of events with his health, which was completely out of the blue.
We then were able to have a beautiful and positive conversation, which was to be the last, as he called me from the hospital, the day before being released to hospice at home. We shared some tears, and some laughs (he still had his lovely humor despite the prognosis), and he told me the peace he was in, and that he truly was okay with whatever was to be. He asked if I could send him some Reiki for the pain, which I continued to do each day, and we planned that when he was settled back home, I was going to go visit him, but this did not come to be.
Friday, something told me to check in with him. So I messaged him, but no answer. I felt something, yet it wasn’t until yesterday that I discovered it was the morning of that very day I checked in with him (8:15 am) that he passed.
However, that conversation that we last shared was perfect and lingers with me. We were both able to say from our hearts (several times) the most important thing, which is how we left the conversation upon hanging up, “I love you so much”.
And that is the message I hope to leave with each of you, and which he impressed upon me so much, as I was reflecting yesterday about him at the beach.
To live each moment fully. To embrace what is most important in life and of lasting value. And to always say, share, and be all the things that you are, would always wish to say to or wish to hear from others, even if you aren’t receiving it, and to not waste a single moment.
I honor and celebrate you Cliff in the expansive freedom and grace of who you are now and always. I’m so grateful to have been touched by the love you so generously share. We are all so gifted by your presence.
Reflecting the love and joy that you are and celebrating you in every breath of life.
Alan Watts: “I have often puzzled and puzzled, what it must be like, to go to sleep and never wake up. . .”
I love the deep and complex thinking of Alan Watts. Thank you Ann Kreilkamp for this post that feels in line with the collective energy and all the transitions taking place.
Synchronously, I was just talking with my family today, having quite a powerful discussion, as we often do, after their listening to a recent interview I posted from Mark Passio. We ended up also then discussing death and the fears people have around it, although both my family and I have none.
We discussed how a lot of people we knew were currently challenged with a health crises, those that have or are in process of transition, and how this is all connected to the energy of this paradigm playing out right now in a bigger picture way.
Alan’s words are powerful to reflect on.
The moment you want to give up is when you need to dig as deep as you can to keep believing even more, as you’re so close to breaking through the veils and into the light of your heart.
It’s one of those time cycles where I feel a stronger pull to my cosmic origins, and needing to remind myself of balancing and grounding in order to fully be present in this current Earthly experience. And while feeling these pulls elsewhere, it’s no wonder I’ve also been sharing reverence for my beloved Russian Tortoise, Gaia, whom has been away on mission since the end of April.
She, along with my beautiful, physically departed Nestor, have been heavily on my mind. And I know that they are both cosmic pilgrims engaged in their soul essence journeys of the heart.
I know many of you have followed along with their stories, in particular Gaia’s of recent, and may remember she had for the first time hibernated for a short period this winter, returning auspiciously before the end of Winter, but right at the perfectly timed moment in my life. And then, not long after she had returned, she then disappeared again and has been gone since the end of April, now approaching 5 months and oddly during the dead of a very hot Summer here.
I haven’t recently had the sense she is returning, but if she in fact at some point still does, it will be her most surprising and magickal feat to date, which would bring a huge smile to my usually unsurprised self. In the meantime, I have been supporting her energetically in the work she had been called away to do, knowing she is always with me in heart.
But it hasn’t been until recently that I’ve felt the need to honor her more appropriately, especially if she has chosen to move beyond this Earthly realm like Nestor. That’s what it feels like in my heart, and perhaps her original idea of returning has shifted due to my own shifts.
Having gone through what will always be the most heart-wrenching experience of physically losing Nestor in the most dramatic/traumatic of ways at a very challenging soul leap time in my life that nearly took my own breath away, I have gone through the worst and so am able and prepared to handle physical loss, or anything for that matter, with an unconditionally, unattached love and deep honor. Perhaps Gaia chose this way, as mirror to the place I have arrived with this – with no need for closure to the eternal, nor need to physically see and experience that transition from life to afterlife. I am aware that transitions from one dimensional experience to another can be gently chosen, just as much as harshly chosen, depending on what we need to learn and what our attached beliefs are.
I’ve also found it interesting, since both Gaia and Nestor were always not really “all here” when they were, that as such expansively powerful, cosmic beings that they chose these tiny bodies to manifest as. And yet their power was evident, not only in the strength those little bodies physically exhibited, but in their presence and the magickal things they would do each day while with me.
I know part of the reason they came in those bodies, was so that we could be together as we were, and yet as much joy as they brought me in this life, it gives me greater joy to know that they are no longer confined by those bodies in any way and can be the freedom seekers of the Cosmos that they are. Afterall, they spent very little of their time in those bodies, even when they WERE with me, as they were constantly traveling and doing work inter-dimensionally. They remind me of myself and it’s no wonder we have been together across times.
Gaia was such a mentor for Joy and the two of them were best friends. Gaia also had the opportunity to connect with Chuck, while he was still alive, and was an avid companion of the ethereal Nestor (also a friend of Chuck’s).
I found it interesting that on my desk, where I have some of my crystals that support me daily, that the stone statues of Hematite (Nestor) and Rhodonite (Gaia) that I have carried with me on many of my global sacred journeys to have their energy symbolically and physically present where I was doing spiritual work, have always been next to each other on my desk. And the larger Serpentine stone statue of Joy, who is a bit more Earth-bound than they are, (although truly is the embodiment of a bridge between worlds, is a channeler and Crystal worker), is separate, yet connected by the large Cosmic Crystal between them.
And, both Nestor and Gaia are now physically gone, leaving Joy and I together here on this Earth plane.
Joy is my ever-faithful companion who alerts me to all energetic nuances and presides over our shared domain, as a guardian of the sacred. But over time, even Joy’s presence has shifted, as she used to physically take part in any workshops I taught from home, and now her presence although felt, is no longer there – choosing to remain in my office to support from afar.
Little by little with their support and teaching experiences through them, and as I have shifted into my own empowerment, accessing the connections and communications beyond space and time in a more tangible way, and have released attachments, they have all been able to move into different roles in my life and into their trueness.
The more these transcendent shifts anchor, the more I receive inklings of where my own soul direction is leading and the timeliness of that.
It’s all a beautiful journey and I’ve been reflecting on all of this, as thoughts and memories of Gaia have been flooding me recently. It’s brought some bitter sweet tears and yet joyous ones in celebration of her eternal expansiveness.
And I felt it time to make a memorial of sorts in her honor, regardless if she did in fact one day, out of the amazing blue, return. I want her to know how much I am eternally grateful for all that she is, and all that she has been and will continue to be in my life. Like all of these precious and astounding souls, she has taught me so much and she has saved my life more than once.
I have decided to keep her home outside where it has been, as a memorial for her, and also to mark the area I believe she entered Earth’s core through. As it is there I discovered her last time when she returned. If she does in fact miraculously return, then she will have her home to welcome her. Although I hope if she does, that I will still be here to welcome her. This is part of why I am not feeling her returning. I trust, as always, that she’s tuned into my messages, even though they have a bit of a time lapse where she is. We’ve never not been in sync, so there’s that. 🙂
Interestingly, not too long ago, this area where her house sits that has two Plumeria and one large succulent bush, had completely shifted. The large succulent bush had uprooted itself one night and as it did, had taken down the two Plumeria. I had always reflected on this as a sign of the work she was doing below ground, as well as a mirror of impending change that was to take place and the uprooting in my own life.
Since, the bushes have been replanted and supported, with hopes they would survive, and have. So much so, that the Plumeria are now in full bloom – I just was checking them out this morning when I took these photographs – and I love that they surround Gaia’s house with their fragant beauty.
The perfect reflection of the joy and grace she brought to my life, this time around, when I was most in need.
Plumeria symbolism includes natural beauty, charm, grace, new life, new beginnings, creation and recreation, the Sun, perfection of all things as is, dedication, devotion, love, immortality, healing powers, liveliness, life, and birth.
I believe these are perfect messages for where ever the new journey ahead may lead. And however that is to take form, I can only trust in the faith and belief that I will have the same kind of courage these amazing souls have graced my life with.
I also found three Star Jasmine this morning that had blossomed “out of season”. Jasmine flowers symbolize many things to many different cultures, including love, romance, sensuality, amiability, nobility, grace, and elegance, but more importantly, they hold strong spiritual significance, as a constant symbol of divinity and hope.
These three Jasmine felt like magickal reminders of these three dear and immeasurable souls in my life, as well as embody, to me, the powerful will of the courageous soul that doesn’t accept the boundaries others choose to believe in and is capable of blossoming in the darkness.