Blog Archives

Rewriting A New Ending ~ Deepening a New Beginning


Dream posts continue, as this was another meaningful dream I felt compelled to share now that I’ve had time with it for myself. The day after my dream I posted yesterday about the two blue snakes and gila monster, as you might recall was the day “The Tree Beckoned and I Followed.” Well, after that experience in finding the presence of orbs all around me inside the tree portal (appearing like I’d stepped inside the Cosmos) that night I had another potent and healing dream that brought full circle a gift from my beloved rabbit, Joy, who has also been showing up so profoundly lately.

Synchronously, this was also the night of the marches collectively taking place.

Since many of you so sweetly sent messages and love about Joy when she transitioned and have followed along with my bunny love’s journeys, I thought this might be not only conclusive as a companion piece to my share about Joy’s last moments and days on Earth in the physical I wrote and spoke about extensively in this post “In Life & Death, “Joy” Is Always There,” but may also be supportive to others who have experienced loss of their beloved animal companions and loved ones in demonstrating the eternal connection that does not end and how we are continually being supported by the connection shared.

In my dream on Saturday 1/21, Joy was with me and she had taken ill, just like in the end before she left in waking life. The odd thing was that her tail came off in the dream and it was very large – much larger than normal size. It literally broke off on its own, but perfectly. I could see all of the tiny bones and ligaments that connect it to her bum, but where it broke off was so clean and precise, without blood or any signs of injury. This indicates to me a sense of no suffering being experienced on her “end” and a clean “ending” and healing closure at the “tail end” of this experience. The tail being so large and furry feels to be definitive in this closure and the “end of an era” again reiterated for me, balance being restored, and that I’m using intuition, creativity, and wisdom in my life more than ever and this will be increasing.

Although rabbit’s feet are connected to “lucky charms,” the tail may also be considered as such since there is connection with rabbit’s tails as their way of escaping predators with the white flash of the tail confusing them as to their exact location when in pursuit.

I also feel this symbolism she showed me is directly connected to my book, but that’s for me to understand the connection, although I will say that direct healing is involved on many levels with its unfolding.

But back to the dream….

I then notice her feet, especially the left one, and they look exactly like Fiver’s – the mouse that I nurtured recently.

These mouse feet were only on her back legs, just like Fiver’s back legs were the only part of him that showed signs of his injury from the impact to that area and lower back.

That left leg on her was completely limp, red, bruised. I remember one spot on Fiver’s leg had a bruised, red area, so again tied in with him.

Then in the dream she comes and lays on me, as I comfort her and caress her.

In the dream I start calling around to vets to get her in (just as I did in waking life when she took ill), but I get the sense she won’t make it in time to get there. In real life, she had just made it to the ER after a long over an hour’s drive and then passed not long after I left her in the doctor’s care to monitor over night, at her request.

So, now in the dream I am aware she won’t make it and I will just be with her to help her transition peacefully, just like I was there for Fiver.

She is in my arms and then suddenly she lets out a little cry, followed by one last big breath and I know she is leaving her body with that.

Nestor had let out a piercing, excruciating cry when she left this Earth, but this was different….it was soft and although rabbit’s only cry when in pain, it was an indication of release rather than suffering to me and not as tormenting to experience as Nestor’s was.

(BTW, this is how she actually transitioned when I left her at the ER, as the doctor shared this with me when she called to tell me that she let out a soft cry and took a big breath and went.)

I then rub her head softly, as she lays in my arms and tell her over and over that I love her, wanting that to be the last thing she hears before she completely goes and slowly her heart and breathing wind down to nothing.

I’m sobbing in the dream and at this point can feel my half wake state in real life and know and can hear me wimpering in real life too.

Although emotional, it was a gentle experience and was not at all a dream, but completely a reality she and I were sharing for a purpose and rewriting the end together.

I felt that she was connecting me to understand a deeper healing than I may have been aware of that I had through Fiver.

Perhaps wanting me to know she had projected a part of herself in Fiver when he had come to me, or that he had been sent to me by her, as a way for me to experience this healing with him through her.

This may include being there with her at the very end when she transitioned, since I was not when she passed, as I had left her at the ER by her choice in not wanting me to have to go through that experience.

Although I knew she wanted that and maybe thought I was not ready yet for this, I felt like I wished I’d been there. Maybe her seeing how I handled Cosmo’ passing, made her now know I was ready and she gifted me this experience in “dream” time and with Fiver, so I could relive being there with her.

And she gifted it in a gentle, beautiful way.

Even the way that Fiver jumped on the crystal when he transitioned, like blasting off into the Cosmos, could have been a sign of connection with her since Joy was so connected to crystals herself and always layed with them and had their points jutting into her body to receive their energy, working with gridding our homes and journeying with them.

This dream, as they all are to me, was very “real time”. And I did feel this sense of deepening closure and peace knowing I supported her this way and that I was strong enough now to keep going through these kinds of experiences in supporting these sweet souls in their transitions.

And afterall, Joy is a cosmic traveler, shape shifter, and portal journeyer. You might recall that she and Nestor showed up in Glacier National Park as the two cosmic deer on the day I spread their ashes, from this post: Spreading Ashes, Spreading Joy ~ Cosmic Encounters & Sacred Connections

So connecting with Fiver is not far from reach for her either. 😉 And creating timeline jumps for us to relive/recreate what “is” would be right up her alley too. I love how she changed the “ending” and that I could be with her.

Quick side note and speaking of Nestor, the day after that dream we headed down the stairs from our place and the crew was there shoveling the snow as they do and one guy says to the other to alert him we were coming up behind him since he was busy shoveling and didn’t see us, “Watch out Nestor.” I smiled so big knowing my sweet Nestor was wanting to chime in too with reiteration to the dream connections.

And to add to the timings and synchronicity, another tie-in with Joy took place just a couple of days before my dream of her. I received a voicemail message from the doctor in Jackson, Wyoming who did her surgery. The story line of this is included in the above post on her transition.

He was such an angel, who came in on his day off to do this, talked to me on the phone, provided me his personal number and went above and beyond in helping her/me.

A little rewind…..about a month or a few weeks after Joy passed I’d sent him a plant with a nice thank you note just wanting to acknowledge how grateful I was for everything that he’d done for us. He even called me the night she transitioned after talking with the ER doctor that night (late I might add) to give her background right before she passed.

I actually never heard from him after I sent the thank you gift, so I wasn’t sure if he got it, but figured that our crossing of paths was complete.

Then 6 months later he calls and in his message says he just wanted to say hello, was thinking of me, thanked me for the nice plant and thoughtful card…and told me whenever I had time to give him a call to talk because he had felt such a good vibe from me and really connected with me, so he wanted to see how I was.

I was so touched and it felt like Joy’s way of starting to get the ball rolling with her plan of recreating the “end”.

And then back to the day at the tree portal, right before that night’s dream, I now was able to connect the dots and that this portal was activating the opening to this experience Joy was setting up for me to rewrite “history” and I feel that larger orb above me was her.

What an experience and how gracious and loving Joy is to gift me this one thing I had wished.

There are no limitations to our connections, eternal love and bonds, and what is possible.

I feel a greater lightness and deepening of my love with her and my loves, and gratitude for her gifts in knowing what would be perfect for my journey and moving forward with my work.

Gratitude, Rest, Assimilation & Blossoming ~ My Birthday in the Desert


FB_IMG_1456505954043I wanted to express my gratitude to everyone for all the beautiful and loving messages and wishes sent for my birthday over the last few days and for the magickal and thoughtful gifts received both in the mail and simply in the presence of your friendship and hugs – virtual and in person.

I’m grateful for each of your threads woven into my life, this journey, and grateful to each of you for choosing to show up at this time on Earth.

This year I chose a simple way to experience my birthday, although did gift myself a few small treasures that aligned with what felt most supportive to me right now.

20160226_073210_resized.jpgThis included a sweet little rose quartz heart ring, which felt to be nurturing that love from the inside out and about falling in love with myself and nurturing my heart’s joy in a whole new, but most natural way.

And also a sparkly sandstone bracelet with “tree of life” charm. Sandstone is a stone of creativity that encourages truth, promotes clarity, balances one’s reality and facilitates ease of movement and change.

As well as a new Tarot deck – likely my last for a while now.20160226_073409_resized

It’s so precious how the gifts I received from others were so perfect for me too, including a tiny gold dragonfly necklace, a magickal unicorn horn necklace, a colorful tapestry pouch (perfect for my Tarot cards), sweet hemp flower hair pins, and a couple of tops including one that said “Trees”.20160227_173829_resized.jpg

My birthday morning kicked off with a Great Blue Heron coming to visit us on the beach in front of the RV just before we left.20160226_062737_resized

And it was a lovely birthday weekend that unfolded from there, which I chose to experience quietly and immersed in the energy of the desert and self nurturing and a lot of love shared with my little family of loves including these sweeties.20160223_095335_resized.jpg

I’m not a celebrator in terms of parties and gatherings, preferring to be within my own experience in ways that feel most aligned with my energy and don’t like having a big deal made out of my birthday.

FB_IMG_1456505921150.jpgSo seeing some friends the days preceding my birthday was a nice way to say farewell for now, since we’re not returning for a long time, and a way to see people without specific celebrating. Although during a dinner right before we left I was surprised with a little birthday candle fun to make a wish. That was very sweet.FB_IMG_1456505943387

Last year on my birthday I was being in the purity of Iceland’s beauty, which called to my own innocence and essence within.

This year it was returning to a place I loved as a child and frequented often with my parents – Palm Desert.20160227_104319_resized.jpg

The desert couldn’t be a more beautiful way to relax and reflect on the year behind, the year ahead, and the integration of both in the now, while doing a lot of nature connecting and self-nurturing.

20160227_105302_resizedThere is a purity and sacredness to the desert that feels supportive of receiving clarity and standing in the raw nakedness of my personal truth.

And like the starry skies of Iceland, the desert also offers a beautiful night time Cosmic landscape to get lost in.

20160227_101158_resized.jpgAnd relaxing is just what I needed and need right now, as I have found myself getting very energetically tired by end of the day and needing to sleep a lot and get in bed early.

My body and soul are going through transitions to support all that is changing quickly.

I can feel all that I’m rapidly assimilating with the big shifts in my life and that my birthday cycle heralded in. I’ve been allowing the desert energy to work its magick, while giving myself even more with self nurturing pool time, massage, and just soaking in sun therapy and rest.20160227_161938_resized

It’s important to allow ourselves to integrate all that we work on and process so that it can fully root and blossom. Doing what seems like nothing is doing something and it’s important. It will help keep you balanced, healthy, and support those leaps.

20160227_103608_resized.jpgAnd speaking of blossoming, the desert here is already in bloom! It’s Spring early and that also feels quite reflective of what I’m feeling internally.

20160227_103622_resized.jpgDesert blossoms as reflections of all that is blossoming within.

20160227_104143_resizedAnd I felt like a desert blossom on our gentle hike yesterday, wearing my tangerine red sparky strapless dress with gold threads and hat. I’m a big proponent of hiking in dresses and flip flops or open rugged sandals.

20160227_104302_resized.jpgI’ve also seen more animals and insects mating right in front of me than I ever have in the last few weeks. They literally are drawn to me and going about their uniting – be it ducks, pigeons, several variety of insects, geese….

20160227_112156_resized.jpgI’m seeing it as that divine igniting and creation flame I’m channeling along with falling in love with life in a whole new way.

20160227_112138_resizedIt’s a whole new love story emerging.

20160227_104959_resized.jpgAnd speaking of love…even the place we stayed at this weekend, arriving on my birthday, is called Emerald Desert Resort, which perfectly aligns with my business named Emerald Bridge, which is all about the heart chakra energy and that wonderful healing and nature emanating green glow of brilliance and warmth.20160227_105422_resized

It’s been a gentle transition into my 43rd year of this life considering all of the transitions I’ve been making, having concluded my sound course on my birthday as well (which has been hugely and deeply integrative), and shifting out of one way of living and sharing of my services to completely different ways.

20160227_103938_resized.jpgOther than the needed rest to assimilate, I’m grateful for the ease and grace that is taking place with everything, as I know not everyone is experiencing flow. I know this has also been a time of intensity and challenge for many.20160227_105211_resized

My hope is that by continuing to hold the energy of what is possible in the face of immense changes, as others are doing along with me, that we can assist each other into a more gentle experience of ever-greater potentials that are available.20160227_104359_resized.jpg

My life hasn’t always been easy, as I shared in my post on the 25th: A Selection of True Awakening Experiences20160227_104700_resized

Yet, there is light available to us all within the darkness. Darkness can be the sweet spot of immensely beautiful possibilities and you can learn to have clarity of vision even when it appears there is no light. You will find that light was always within your heart and can “see” you through anything.20160227_104051_resized.jpg

Like the desert can be deceiving with its harsh way of life – seemingly barren, dry, and challenging unless one is resilient and resourceful, there is also much beauty, abundance, and life is plentiful and blossoming – as it learns to adapt and renew itself within each season of change.20160227_115224_resized

%d bloggers like this: