As I sit here getting back to my own “storytelling” this post came to mind from two years ago to reshare. Today seems to be a day of reblogs. I hope these two short messages I’ve shared today may speak to some small part of you. In love and creative magick!
I feel that all of you creative visionaries channel from a place that exists between worlds (time out of time) and when you tune in to that frequency, you receive a clear broadcasting of Source’s creative expression, which reveals the all-encompassing beauty, wisdom and mystery of All That Is through You.
You each have a unique role in the collective story being woven.
The only thing for you to do is to embrace your unique cosmic role as channel for your thread.
The idea of being “tested” keeps you in victim mode. The experience of shifting your frequency is an empowering choice of action that turns the searching and proving into a return of being. Here’s a short reblog on this theme.
The difficulty and challenge seems to always lie in the finding of a hidden place, thing, or part of yourself, wherein lies the test.
Once you are a vibrational match and the alignment is activated into the embrace of being, this acceptance constitutes your no longer having need for testing.
Then, the return is simple.
Simply and with all of your heart….DREAM! Then do it! Here’s a short little reblog from two years ago to infuse inspiration to what you’re contemplating right now.
The “Dream” theme continues to be a guiding force right now and this little message felt important to share:
Nothing happens without a dream…people are afraid to speak their dream/s out loud, worried about disappointment, failure, ridicule, or perhaps even believe they aren’t worthy of having any, or that they even are entitled to it.
YOU are a creative being by virtue of your existence and the only thing that dictates your worthiness is YOURSELF.
Today, spend some time tuning in to your heart and ask yourself what dream you would like to create. It doesn’t have to be huge and it doesn’t have to be the end-with-all final result of life – there isn’t any such thing.
Just start off with something small and allow it to evolve.
Gift yourself the ability to freely imagine and then anything you want, just do it.
Life will conspire to align with…
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Our last two stops have just been for a day and a half each, as we quickly make our way back south to be in the States again at end of the month – more on that upcoming. Sometimes even just a quick touch in can provide exactly what you need and lately I’ve been more focused on simply the present energy space the quick stop-ins create, as I know I’m seeing, receiving, integrating, and experiencing exactly what I need while passing through.
We’re off to Watrous today after our short time in Saskatoon – still in Saskatchewan – and rain has continued to walk with us, providing a thorough cleansing throughout much of our time of recent months. Although today the sun is shining and I’m feeling another layer to the new slate washed away into greater lightness of experience.
I don’t want to downplay any area we touch in with, as each place upon the Earth has its value and sacredness, just as each of us do.
So while we didn’t get a huge taste of Saskatoon, we were led to some peaceful and yummy finds worth sharing, as part of the reason behind these shares is to also simply provide information to other travelers, including fellow vegan friends and nomads, some info on what’s available.
While in Saskatoon we found two vegan friendly restaurants, which we visited in the same day.
One was “The Karma” where I enjoyed their delicious “Reconstructed Maki” dish that tasted just like vegan sushi in a bowl.
A yummy tummy satisfyer for a Pisces and in line with the “karma” theme, good city parking karma was on our side as a car pulled out directly in front when we pulled up. Yay!
After lunch we then decided to take a walk in Cosmopolitan Park on the Meewasin River Walk Trail that hugged the river, provided a view of the city, meandered through lovely tunnels of trees, journeyed under bridges, and offered us a stroll through the sculpture garden.
After, since our lunch was quite light, we decided to peek in on “The Griffin” where we found a variety of vegan desserts and baked goods asking to be sampled.😉
And as usual, this is what happens when we hit cities with vegan finds to explore.
Yep, we ended up taking home an apple spice cake, caramel almond shortbread cake, and peanut butter brownie cake.
We had already eaten the chocolate chip cookie on the way home, which was deliciously thick and soft – my favorite kind! So, unfortunately can’t share it except to say I loved it!
Then after dinner at home, we made a sample plate for each of us to try a small bite of each goody. Yum!
Good karma, sweetness, and peace made for a swimmingly short, but enjoyable experience mirroring a continuing theme of restful integration.
It’s hard to believe this was once me and this share will be revealing in terms of things and photos from my life experiences that unveil more pieces of my journey. I’ve lived a very diverse life at both extremes of the spectrum, exploring the dark, the light, the in between….I’ve immersed myself in society’s illusions, spiritual deceptions, and walked in the shoes of being part of the bombardment of messages that are sold to us daily – all to know myself, to know these dynamics, to understand their energy and purpose, and to be able to see that I am all of these and none of these…that I can choose my own reality that now more purely reflects this transmutation I’m coming to experience more and more of, daily.
It’s an ever-flowing evolution of creative execution requiring constant, increasingly conscious presence to hear the voice within.
One of the most visual and tangibly easy ways to share this evolution is through the physical body – my body – the epitome of our divinity that has been abused, mutilated, manipulated by force, neglected, made to feel less than, evil, dirty, and simply hated and made to feel like a punishment for being born as a human in female or male form.
You may not know that at one time I used to:
- drink and in fact used to be an event and convention model for beer, tequila, and rum
- I used to eat meat and dairy, wore leather, and modeled it for promotion to female consumers
- modeled and basically sold sex through scantily clad, “just” covered birthday suit, and lingerie photos in campaigns and fashion shows
- promoted accepted idealism of beauty and physical fitness through exposure of my body and image spending hours in make up and hair chairs for photo shoots
- was a model in an exercise video and promotional photo shoot for it
- modeled for caricatures made of me that were featured as the main character in a zombie comic book series where I was a female military leader combating the zombies and then became one (I do have these comic books, but they are in storage so unable to share at this time)
- modeled and promo modeled for other companies that included sunglasses, California apparel, lingerie, car shows, bars and alcohol based events, upcoming L.A. fashion designers’ shows, California Mart, etc.
- went on rigorous auditions for product commercials I had no connection with and reality dating show call-backs where my essence and personal integrity ultimately made me a mismatch vibrationally and finally not chosen in the end because of that
- filmed public access channel spots that were odd to say the least under the tutelage of a past life abuser that showed up for closure to be rectified
- stayed conscious of every little pound to ensure the right weight for the camera – knowing the difference between 104 and 105 pounds quite intimately
- at one time was a gym extremist monitoring everything that went into my body spending 3 hours a day 5+ days a week working out and exhibiting a fitness model body at 13-14% body fat (that’s the low end of average female athletes)
- evolved into a pescatarian for a while, a vegetarian, and then extreme vegan raw foodist for 2 years
- and when in my teens, like so many today, was drawn in by images in magazines that I idealized and yearned to emulate and look the same as
All of this is of course being my own choice along my path to choose to experience and emulate what I saw all around me in varying forms and through various modes of marketed “ideals” being advertised and being accepted and manipulated into multiple versions of these “ideals” by different channels of the collective that I tuned into. And later, that included even “ideals” in the spiritual/new age community.
I’m sharing some photos (ones I could easily find) from my modeling (above), one from when I was a raw foodist, and a few of me currently, in order to reflect what I’m sharing and the actualization of it.
I wish I had photos from my extreme gym days, as that would really present a contrast, but for some reason I never took photos then, which seems interesting given I was obviously very physically focused in manipulating my body during that time.
I’m sharing several, as I want to share this side of me that people would not associate with me so that you can really get the “picture” of my journey I’m trying to convey.
These fitness photos you see are from my modeling days (post gym days, which were 8- 10 years earlier) when I did an exercise video and photo shoot promotion for it, which I mentioned above.
And although I never became addicted to alcohol, never once touched a cigarette, drug, or any form of altering substance outside of alcohol, never had an eating disorder, nor got sucked into anything truly harmful, I still had an unhealthy lack of self worth, body dysmorphic perception which plagues a large majority of the population to some degree or another, used extremes to make up for energies I had neglected, and immersed in the illusion and numbness that while I thought was to help my body, I feel was still not really actually listening to it.
I was listening to ideas in my mind that weren’t taking into account what my body truly desired, but instead were aligning with what the industry was promoting and women were idealizing. Although everything is always perfect and valuable in its experience, there was in fact a reason energetically for every choice that my body would patiently accompany me on to work out the journey I personally needed to experience.
I am grateful for the fact that some part of me always had this lifeline to my purity of frequency that although was muddled and at times pushed aside to listen to other voices I chose to play out on the experiential scene, it was always there to reel me back in, keep control of things, and aided some level of discernment, even if tiny.
Without that I may have developed major challenges, addictions, or worse. But it also kept me aware of not only what I was continuing to subject myself to, that runs through the history of our DNA as a collective, but what I was reflecting to others in message and continuing to support through that.
I was also grateful that my modeling didn’t take place until I was between 29 and 31, as I was able to walk in that world by appearing young, but bringing along with me some of the consciousness, wisdom, and strength I’d managed to work on in the years before.
Not to mention, I got into it for fun and made it a thing of fun, wondering if, at my older age and at my shorter height than the industry standard, I could enter in and try on these collective roles for a while.
It was not my life or life line. There was no desperation involved.
I merely wanted to experience this realm that I’d been enamored with like many others, from a place of immersion for sake of knowing that energy from experience, and for observation.
I received much in doing so, which included some beautiful experiences of creative self expression, confidence and working through some layers of my shyness, my enjoyment of morphing into different me’s, exploring my shadow literally, working through deep seeded beliefs and conditioning around the body and being a female, stepping into the unempowered AND empowered woman simultaneously, and experiencing vulnerability.
I also got to see and experience firsthand this side of the coin and the underlying currents there, including a continuing disregard for body honoring in ways that lifted the female and male counterparts into their strengths, but rather fed off of the weaknesses instilled over ages of forgetting.
And although I had much, much to learn still, my small lifelines were enough to keep me above water and I think was also the saving grace of my pulling out when I did, right before things could have gone a different course if I’d chosen.
I share this background to express that I have walked in different worlds and I do know from experience what these things are like and have been exposed to much along the way.
When I share this, it’s not coming from someone who doesn’t get it, nor from jealousy because I haven’t been there and wish I was something other than myself in looks or otherwise, or even from a place of out right judgment, as I do really get the perfection of all expressions of energy, dynamics, why they are there, and why individuals feel called to different paths in their life to mirror things they are wanting to learn or simply experience as a soul in physical form, not to mention the collective reflection and expression all of these energies play a part in for us all.
What I share is my personal experience having immersed in much that goes beyond the realm of what this post is about, and what for me, personally, it’s led to as to the reality I experience and create now of my choosing – in this case relating to my body and the relationship I have with it now and my health.
It might perhaps have something that resonates in it for who ever is drawn to find this post and read it. And if not, I’ve put it out there energetically as my contribution to the collective energy pool.
Again, I’d like to reiterate that I do see the purpose in all of this and the things I chose, I came to realize the dynamics of while involved in them and yet still felt compelled to follow it through for purposes of living in these shadow aspects of myself while keeping that lifeline to the core of me. That’s not to mean I was aware of every little thing playing out, but I was aware of this underlying pull to see it through for a reason I couldn’t explain to others and even to myself. And where I allowed unconscious acts to fold in, they were the acts chosen as necessary to my evolution.
I’m so grateful for all of it, as truly, even though I went through some crazy and challenging stuff, my life is richer and I’ve come to know myself quite intimately inside and out of the dark and the light.
In dancing with each, I feel we then can create true alchemy.
That has been the case for many things I went through…and although could have chosen otherwise, I chose to live these things out because for me, that was the way to transmute them and how I evolved the most – by living the experience.
Some more facts about me:
When I was younger, I appeared older and more mature.
When I got older, I appeared younger.
I used to wear revealing clothing when younger and never left home without makeup and looking a certain way – while I am an artist and some of this satisfies my need to be creative and morphing, it also was extreme in living as a certain image I felt I needed to portray, a face or mask I hid behind, or an energy I had out of control within my experience.
I used to own a scale and monitored each pound, which was easy with a strongly placed Capricorn ascendant and Mars in Capricorn in my first house to discipline, control, and shift my outer body’s structure without ever having to become bulimic or anorexic. It was simply mind over matter.
I used to have a personal trainer and wrote down everything I ate, while we monitored my body fat and muscle shifts, measuring everything and doing what the body didn’t want because the mind willed it into tight muscley rigid, command.
Later I went to the extreme of inhaling every superfood, holistic supplementation, doing every cleanse, juicing, and colonic on continual intervals to rewire myself, hiring a personal raw food chef, purchasing raw food books, and adamantly refusing anything that wasn’t raw vegan. I was fanatical in a new extreme way. I went to Bikram yoga and sweated out the “toxins” and immersed heavily into a new version of health and body consciousness that I was surrounded by.
And somewhere in between my extremes, I indulged in so-called “fine” foods and drinking to just drink and do like the others around me. I could hold more alcohol than most people if I wanted and yet still never had any affinity to it, no addiction, nor even really liked most any of it. It was an idea and I could morph into that to assume the experience.
And within each experience and time period of my life I wore clothing that “fit” each of these images I was swimming in.
I’ve lived in the extremes. And I never found or experienced true self love and peace in any of them.
And having immersed in these extremes of realities with focus on different versions of dictating the physical body, which are received in messages from varying camps of thought and then executed by my choice to join them, it had an affect on detaching from honoring the sacred wisdom my body had all on its own, which knows what it wants and how that looks and feels, which isn’t about getting caught in any small or large stream of information and messaging that is being offered by that which is outside the cellular and DNA wisdom within.
In some way or another, although all of these messages are provided with intent to help in their own way, it all still felt to me to be limited, restrictive, and obsessively addictive….to be a way to keep me in subconscious dislike of myself and the physical body’s divine partnership with spirit that is ever-flowing.
The me now:
I no longer strive to be a chiseled woman – my version of dancing in the male energy I yearned to strengthen.
I no longer strive to have a yoga body – my version of dancing in the female energy I then needed to strengthen in direct respect.
I honor each of these and their male and female energetic purposes and value, and yet I’ve been led to find a different way most resonant to the balance and integration I seek. One that honors both my sacred male and female in honoring each’s wisdom and embodying this as an emanating quality where my body relaxes into the expression of each in ways I would not have reasoned out with my mind, but it comes through in listening and supporting action of their wisdom alone.
I now listen to the new male and female within that are learning to recreate themselves in core ways.
What that looks like is not an ultimate end goal result, but an ever-evolving one, day-to-day.
This is not to say that either the extreme chiseled or extreme yoga woman me was wrong in any way, but they truly aren’t me at the core. They may be what others feel is their essence or one might find their own mix of some of each combined with a whole gamut of other versions…like an athlete, dancer, gymnast, etc. too.
We each have a different energy signature and individual expression of All That Is to play out….and for some that will shift along the way, as we uncover the layers to our trueness.
I know that when I was a child it was all about dancing and being a ballerina, which goes along with the Faery me, no doubt. And I continued dancing into adulthood at clubs – even considered at one time being a go-go dancer🙂 and later took salsa lessons. The dancer would definitely be me, but not in any professional way that would involve rigid discipline and competition, as that doesn’t feed my soul personally.
I dance for the sake of my soul being on fire with passion flowing through me and that might just be in private, or whenever the moment moves me.
This is the difference, for me, with any of these things, as there is a yearning to just flow now, which is what going through my rolfing sessions reiterated to me, which I did in the years later after the gym.
Rolfing helped me to undo and release layers of the old memories and core emotions that were held in my muscles so tightly and to be more of that free dancer, returning my body to its elongated flow and flexibility I resonated with. I’ve even considered doing that again, as I loved what took place in that process of return, which may be potent at this point. Who knows what I might be led to. I’ll listen to my body, though, that’s for sure.
I’ve now melted into my own version of natural, which my body is guiding me toward.
My “diet” of body, mind, heart, and soul is a “nature diet” honoring the “nature of me” and following my soul’s joy, which then my mind supports the actions shared by my body’s rhythms of flowing intelligence.
This to me being a partnership of sacred male and female honoring one another.
And now I have chosen my balance – a balance that most resonates with my soul frequency, the embodiment I choose to inhabit, and the celebration of my nature and inner harmony that continues to find the comfort, self value, and true self love that isn’t about any of this, but about listening to the energy moving through me, who I really am, and what I am really here to experience, embody, and reflect.
Now I just am what I am, melting into all that I’ve processed through these experiences and come to create as my own new reality that isn’t about trying to portray something that has been force fed to me by any realm – media, society, the spiritual community, the health enthusiasts, doctors, “experts”, and even the do-gooders that want to share their revelations they feel others should follow to receive equal happiness and health.
I know what it feels like when we discover things that create such amazing shifts in our lives….there’s excitement to shout it out to the world, as we do have a connection and love shared collectively and there’s this innate feeling to want to be supportive.
And so I still walk that line of feeling challenged on what to express and how to express it, especially knowing that what I say and put out there has its own effects. Sometimes this experience is one of learning out loud in the process of sharing it, from the current place I’m at, how that feels, and readjusting and tweaking things for the future.
I’m a work in progress and have chosen to make that public and be vulnerable about it. That’s my way of being personally accountable. That’s part of my purpose.
But I’ve settled into the same place with this expression, as I have with my own health, vitality, body, weight, physical appearance, etc. – to just be me in the fullest way I know possible, embodying my truth, and the beliefs I hold important enough to walk in the shoes of.
This is what I’m experiencing in terms of my now physicality and health that has come to be reflected, as this is what I’m focusing on for this share:
- looking more integrated, I suppose
- a mixture of innocent and ancient
- having both dark and light
- celebrating my silver hairs that are growing in, even creating an Elvira Faery stripe and letting them adorn my crown with grace as a mirror of the depth of who I am and what I’ve been through
- getting rid of the scale and happily wearing larger sizes
- loving the round curves, the extra Earthy weight, embracing both my fat and muscles and enjoying the softness of my real femininity
- wearing makeup only when I want to express a different creative feminine part of myself or have Faery fun, but am completely at home 90% of the time without
- only being drawn to natural forms of exercise that take me into nature like hiking, biking, and kayaking, yet only with the goal of enjoying and connecting with Earth’s gifts – I never see it as a means to an end in terms of exercise for weight control or to make up for something I ate – and yet I’m still physically fit with a natural balance of fat and muscle
- wearing clothes that mirror how I feel and my unique creative expression alone, which is why I wear skirts and dresses hiking, for example – because it’s more comfortable and me
- being 100% vegan, but muddying up my diet to eat what ever I choose and enjoying things in moderation that my body determines alone and not my mind, not monitoring everything I eat or feeling guilty or like I need to make up for something and not depriving myself. I basically eat what I want – cooked or raw, but pretty much solidly cooked at this point, as that is what resonates for my path right now and my physical needs, along with what I want to manifest – all within my vegan lifestyle choice that matches my soul’s essence and mirrors the expression of my spirit in physical form.
- I don’t drink and haven’t for the last 11 years.
- I am physically fit in terms of my ability to do the things I love, which include hiking and biking several miles pretty much daily (we do anywhere from 2 – 10 miles depending on the trail that calls) and quite quickly when/if desired or the energy moves me, can ascend several thousand feet in elevation or hike at extreme elevation without breathing issues, have complete flexibility with my body even though I don’t do yoga anymore, my bones are stronger than they were when I was eating in any other way (I have fractured multiple bones in the past, whereas an accident I had recently where I clearly should have had a break, hearing things crack, in fact did not happen with the way things are currently).
- My skin is clear and has no more issues with acne that I faced during large parts of my past.
- My hair and nails grow excessively fast – it was only 3 years ago that my hair was buzzed close to my head like a guy, trimmed into different styles since, and now is at the middle of my lower back.
- living a spiritually Earth-based life that I keep learning to balance more and more, as all things are an ever-evolving journey
And I know I will continue to morph, as I continue to grow along my path.
It’s constantly shifting as to what this looks and feels like for me, but this is as best as I can describe it above, for the current experience I’m having and seeing with myself.
If I wanted to change what this physical expression of myself is, I could do that at any moment, but I have no desire to change what has, and is, naturally settling into harmony inside and out.
I’m not thinking it into being…it’s a process of relearning to just “be”.
I may not look like the sleek model me at 104 pounds.
I may not look like the fitness athlete me at 115 pounds of muscle bound physique.
I may not look like the 100% raw vegan lean, light, and waif me at 105 pounds.
I am 43 and a half in Earth years, this go around.
I am 5’5″ and likely weigh about 125+ lbs since the last time I was weighed on a doctor’s scale with clothes on I was 128 in Utah when I had my elbow checked from a mountain biking fall I shared having with miraculously no break. That’s 20+ lbs or more of “natural” love, joy, and harmony than what I allowed as an ideal at one point. And it’s a mix of fat, muscle, soft, firm, thicker and more solid, smooth, ripply, and of course heavily tattooed since my modeling days when I only had two small tattoos – basically fully embodied and grounded.
But best and most importantly of all – I feel at peace.
None of the rest of the above would matter, other than sharing what has evolved as means of where the journey has taken me, as peace is my truest expression to experience even if that means for one more day, week, or 50+ more years of life on this Earth.
My body has found its “harmony zone” where I can basically do what I love most and eat anything that brings me joy within the realm of my “nature” when I listen, nurture, and support what I feel without punishment, guilt, and “ideas” or “charge” about rights and wrongs.
Simply put…it’s in it’s personal harmony zone by following “my” authentic, personal joy, which I’ve been coming to know by walking through many versions and extremes of experience.
I have no issue with sharing my age, weight, etc….as well as have no need to prove anything with sharing them either.
I know that they don’t define me, just like everything shared here doesn’t, but also I have no fear of them.
I don’t need to prove that age and weight don’t matter, just as much as I don’t need to prove that they do.
I share them just as celebration and honor of the totality of who I am right here and now with no need to withhold and no need to say, “hey look at me!”
This is a share of vulnerability.
Exposing my journey.
Exposing my body.
Exposing my dance with shadow and light.
I don’t need to be extreme on either end, but feel that my personal expression and path is about undefining things and being able to move in and out of experiences without taking a side and without need to continue being an extremist or feel a charge around anything.
I honor and am grateful for my entire journey and the energy that has played a part in who I am today that gives me an appreciation and understanding for the spectrum of realities playing out collectively as well.
This is my experience and where I feel most at home. And yet each of the places I found myself in at one time or another, served their purpose in knowing where home is for me.
While I know it may not sound like a huge shift to some people to be 20+ lbs more than I used to be, all experiences are relative and it’s not to be compared, but to be taken at the level of the experience of the individual.
It’s a huge deal, coming from a lifetime of restrictions, monitoring, and delegating to my body in one way or another, to now relax and let go into its own wisdom and comfort that has settled into where it really wants to be.
Although people may say I’m still on the spectrum of “thin,” the key I’m focusing on is how this natural zone of my own health and vitality has come to take root by honoring the core within and having no restrictive measures other than honoring what my essence truly is about, which is the same messaging from spirit of what my soul vibrates at in terms of being 100% vegan – that’s not an idea I contrive – it’s the sustenance needed for my personal frequency and vibration.
I’m my own version of “ideal” that my body wants to express itself as without manipulation. It has settled into the comfort of its own personal haven of peace and pleasure that celebrates my sacred feminine and masculine within.
I’m loving this new me.
I’m loving the ancient me coming through.
I’m loving that I still vibrate youth as well because of my constant heart connection and desire to see the beauty and magick within it all rather than attach to a “look” to strive for or that creates fear and hate around wrinkles or extra weight that is simply nature’s cycles.
Could we defy all of this and ascend into light forms?
Certainly and may do just that, but there is beauty in the process and the stages and dynamics of life that Nature mirrors to us daily. There is nothing wrong with living in the grace of this. We are in human bodies for a reason. We are physical and mirror Nature for a reason.
This “now” me is a reflection of my Middle Way that comes from having explored and deciding what feels most naturally aligned and reflective of my soul signature at this time and where I feel led to move into.
I realize and celebrate that others are not on the same path as me, but in sharing this perhaps it might provide another perspective to create your own version of reality and what you want as YOUR experience of soul in flesh.
Afterall, what we put out there, like it or not, is influencing others and sends a message you may not even realize you’re sending.
And while we all (including myself) may have the best of intentions and truly are experiencing what we in this moment feel as ideal, motivational, or proving a point or message, we might also be carrying a load of underlying messages to others that are unattainable on so many levels including that everyone has different motivators, that it’s not their energetic path as it is yours, and that create extremism in other ways that can still create issues around self worth, self hate, and feeling less than, or more.
And still, this is all perfect too, as there is purpose to the paths we are each currently on, and to what we are drawn to, what we focus on, and the growth these choices have in potential for us.
Being conscious of the full spectrum of dynamics and effects our choices and messages make, make our choices….well….more conscious.🙂
We impact the collective with everything we do, feel, and say.
If we recognize that our journey here is about our individual self expression of our piece of the collective, we can understand that it all has its place, and the most important piece is YOURS, as the clearer you are with YOUR expression of All That Is, the clearer others will be with theirs.
We place a lot of focus on the outside (and that goes for any realm of society and communities – spiritually or physically focused – that all magnify ideals at us, which include the physical, but also every other level of experience as well).
The physical is the easiest to manipulate, and yet perhaps the inside might know exactly how to formulate the outside if we softened into listening to it.
I don’t have all the answers, and continue to explore, observe, and try to understand the energy streams out there.
But I do know that in my own exploration, the peace has only arrived now.
I have discovered that the body has its own sacred wisdom and divinity that basically knows the perfect balance that honors our essence and will always align us with what it knows as health and vitality if we listen to it, rather than dictate it from a place of dishonor and disregard to its wisdom.
Sure, that is a process and will take some time to balance out, but the more we honor its voice and the very richness of knowledge within its cells and DNA, the more we we find ourselves experiencing true well being.
What ever you do, DO IT FOR YOURSELF and know that it’s about the energy YOU are working with and working out in YOUR own life right now and it’s NOT EVERYONE’S path at this time.
That includes the one I share here of mine.
My journey is simply my expression of this that has naturally evolved, offered as another perspective in the energy stream to explore, and as celebration and honor of your divine human body and its own wisdom to guide you harmoniously.
This may release that charge every time you meet or see someone you feel instantly compelled to judge or change.
This may release that charge every time you meet or see someone you feel instantly compelled to emulate.
There is no perfect way to express any message, as the second you say or write a word, it immediately takes you out of the formless energy that has more expansive meaning than the limiting words that will either be heard differently based on someone’s personal filters and experience, be charged with any residual energy you might not be aware of operating beneath the surface, create an opposing side merely by finiting something, will feel like a personal attack to someone who’s in the middle of their own journey with strong beliefs, come across in a multitude of ways you haven’t even considered by people on all spectrums of conscious and less conscious paths, or so much more.
Anyone on the same frequency stream as you, or that your frequency stream would be supportive to as the next step on someone’s path for what ever reason, will hear through to the energy behind the words.
All I can do is share from where I am in the present moment and I’ve been willing to vulnerably put my experience and thoughts out there publicly, knowing they will not resonate with everyone, let alone any kind of majority.
One must simply be and be okay with that.
And that is a huge part of health and vitality to me….simply being me, as most naturally as possible.
Health and vitality has a new face.
It’s the face of YOUR heart in harmony with YOU.
It is wholesome well-being.
Rest, city errands, cleaning out my closet, finalizing things, and cleansing rains upon completion of it all were the themes of the day and a half stop over in Lloydminster, Saskatchewan. We had a completely private little haven camp site surrounded by trees and lawn making it a perfect sanctuary for all of this, but it was Blue Jay who was the highlight. Since we didn’t venture out except for errands and a late linner upon arrival, his coming to me was definitely noted for a message of presence, wise and balanced use of personal power, resourceful adaptability for ease,.creative self expression and assertion, and bringing higher thoughts into action.
He sat in the tree next to my window, moving from branch to branch incessantly talking away to get my attention and peering into the window. His voice shifted into varying degrees of communication, but he was definitely on a mission and the message was coming from a deep, powerful place within him, despite his size. He was confident and assertive, but also soft and majestic.
His beautiful blue immediately connects me to the power of the throat chakra and its symbolism of creative self expression, sound and song, and having something to communicate that is unique to my voice. He seems to be saying “get to it!” with his loud expressions that went on for about 10 minutes, as he leaned forward toward the window.
Of course synchronously I’ve been aching to get back to my focuses that indeed utilize my gift of creative expression and communicating through my individual works in process. Where I had reservation on clarity of the messages and my ability to communicate them before, there is no need now and I have felt a readiness and timeliness.
Blue Jay comes to share it is time to embrace, develop, and apply your gifts to their fullest. You cannot afford to neglect them. And when bringing higher thoughts into action, unlimited potentials await you.
There’s no need to seek or call attention to anything, only a need to respond to what’s before you and to the world.
Blue Jay reminds us to sink into the comfort of ourselves where ever we are. To assert our personal truth and authenticity, and to communicate what feels to express that in any given moment.
This bringing to mind personal boundaries and undoing any repressive tendencies we have.
Blue Jay seems to own her/his space and knows how to focus and call the shots in her/his life of when, where, how, and with whom and what to use their energy.
They bring a message of embracing life to the fullest no matter where you are and engaging in that which you love at all times.
They shine a light of brightness to any situation and can see you through the darkness as well, bringing to light the shadow in which you can utilize to create greater potency with the gifts you bring forth.
Blue Jay embodies a presence of knowing her/his gifts, but knowing is not enough. They know the importance of cultivating them and bringing them forth with wise use of discernment.
Their appearance seems to call you forth into this realization and knowing that the time is here where all that you’ve learned so far is ready for the next evolution of expression with great clarity and vibrancy.
I did some researching into Blue Jay and found that the word “jay” come from the Latin word “Gaea” meaning Mother Earth. And since they are aviary brothers and sisters, with a crest that reaches into the heavens, they directly link us with both Earth and Universal/Cosmic energies, bridging them for integration and active expression of divinity brought into embodiment.
I also found that in Native symbolism their gorgeous blue that mirrors the sky is said to indicate a double vision or double clarity that symbolizes their/your ability to express the purity and truth of your heart and soul and to have great clarity of thought when bringing that forth to share with others.
I loved that my beautiful Blue Jay friend appeared at this time and that he spent time preening himself and exposing his soft under feathers inbetween his communicating with me.
To me this spoke to knowing one’s self worth, that what you have to share is of value, that self nurturing is important, and the tenderness of this act toward self is a reminder that the way we bring forth our personal power can have a soft, gentle essence at the core of the clarified, strength of expression.
Three simple principles that speak to the heart of things.
Embodying these I believe are foundations for creating the new.
Reposting this, as much has come full circle in the last few weeks:
Our 4 days in Elk Island National Park, also known as the “island of conservation,” has been a restful haven supported by the woodsy enchantment, as well as supporting something bigger I was to come to understand during the days unfolding. Here, I found myself resting more in order to nourish all that is integrating on deeper levels and prepare for what’s ahead, which calls for the body’s need to sleep and relax so that that can take place. During this time I found myself connecting with new animal guides that I now take along with me, as a part of my heart and soul and as always, I do my best to share their messages and energy with others.
We’ve experienced some new animal friends here and some old, but this wooded sanctuary carried a different energy that felt healing.
Elk Island is not an actual island, but a metaphorical island surrounded by populated areas of a million people creating it as an island ecosystem in the middle of developed settlements. It is also a completely enclosed sanctuary where repopulation efforts and conservancy has been put in place to help restore the wildlife that had nearly been killed off by trappers and hunters back in the day.
It is now host to the densest population of hoofed mammals in Canada and the herds have been seeds to help repopulate other areas in North America.
Wikipedia shares: “Though there was never any permanent First Nations settlement in the area, there are over 200 archaeological remains of campsites and stone toolmaking sites. The land has been influenced by the Blackfoot, Sarcee, and Cree peoples.”
So there is a real healing integration energy within the grounds of Elk Island, to return things back to harmony where imbalance had been imposed by those before us.
Interestingly, any time we saw animals, exception being ducks and dragonflies, they were all solitary creatures, making connecting with them feeling to be very focused to specific messages individuals wanted to share.
We encountered wood bison, moose, snowshoe hare, wood frogs, great gray owl, loons, variety of ducks, cormorant, red tailed hawk, coyotes, beaver, dragonflies and butterflies while in the park.
Our moose connection has been an interesting unfolding, which first began in West Glacier National Park with our double sighting of the female moose. Then the baby moose crossing the road in Kootenay National Park. And now the big moose buck with full rack in Elk Island. A full circle experience of moose energy.
Sacred experiences were definitely shared with each of the animals and I felt a gentle energy within each of them. Some were more brief, but divinely aligned in timing, and others were long and more involved – yet all equally rich.
And this began from day one until the very end.
During our time we enjoyed trails like the 6+ mile Hayburger Trail loop, which was a lovely forested walk past ponds, meadows, bogs, beaver lodges, and even potent quicksand.
These types of visuals would continue throughout our time, except for the quicksand, which was unique to this particular hike and I felt was very symbolic and magickal given I’d just been reading in my book about an incident with quicksand where a shaman was teaching the main character about its symbolism and how to master this energy when she got stuck in it and was sinking.
This seems to keep happening with everything, but especially my books I’m reading, where the things I read are coming to life and I’m merging into the experiences just like the Neverending Story.
Anyway, this park hosts a variety of woodsy enchantment including faery tale mushrooms and berries galore, which on this first hike gifted us a harvest of wild raspberries we thoroughly enjoyed and were grateful for. Mmmmm!
Dave got silly with this mushroom that looked like a fried egg.
I also have been continuing to enjoy frog energy….here I’ve seen 3 different varieties of wood frogs jumping around our feet in the clover as we hiked, of which I only got photos of 2 – the other had stripes. I paid great care and attention not to step on any, as they were eager to leap about and were quite tiny.
Dragonfly energy continued, but in abundance like I’ve never seen and so many different types including some gigantic ones! They were filling the path and fluttering all around us and our legs, flying right at us, and feeling like a faery tale coming to life. I could just envision the golden pixie dust that surrounded us.
My beloved snowshoe hare also made herself known on this first day, twice appearing in the same area at the start and end of our loop hike. This time she stood peacefully for several minutes letting me come quite near to connect.
And the amazing great gray owl swooped directly in front and across our path, which was a sacred gift for sure, especially since I’d been talking about owls and sensing their energy around, not to mention had been told my new medicine path is that of the owl at this time in my life.
While here I completed a potent Magick Stone – my last for now – which also felt synchronous. And we experienced the powerful Full Moon Eclipse, which woke me up.
The other short trails we ventured on, just to get out and about, were the Beaver Pond Trail and a trail that went straight from our rv campground around the land surrounding.
Our last day we spent at Astotin Lake Sandy Beach breaking in our new magick boat kayak, picnicking, resting, catching some sunshine on our beach chairs, and relaxing with some good books.
Here we got to see the rescue of a cormorant that was injured, which made me so happy to see the rangers on top of this. It took 2 tries, but they gently wrapped him up and drove him off to receive care for his injuries. Yay!
I’d been feeling that in one of the lakes, before leaving Alberta, I’d be placing a crystal for healing integration.
When I arrived at Elk Island, I knew it would be here, and Astotin Lake was it.
We were there on a Saturday and found that this lake, although not dramatically stunning as those we’ve seen in other areas of Alberta, drew in a melting pot of people here, which felt divinely perfect for collective healing activation that would trickle out from what I felt led to do.
This lake is the central draw of this park and due to the nature of peaceful sanctuary and a return to natural harmony being implemented here, this felt to be a safe haven to anchor in the seed crystal energy that would help to be a beacon that could emanate strongly out to surrounding areas in need, as well as connect with energies worldwide and throughout the Rockies, since this is the last connected area to them we would be visiting, since we’ve left the Rockies on our way to Saskatchewan today. This feeling like another good reflection of anchoring our several month journey in the Rockies with beautiful closure.
This was a place that seemed inconspicuous in nature, under the radar so to speak, a safe and subtle way to do this work.
So as we kayaked out on the lake, we veered off around some of the little islands and came to an area that was more enclosed, with two narrow entrances in and out…it is here I did a sacred intention and release of the crystal into the water.
It was a crystal I had found on one of our hikes in a more highly charged visual area of Alberta where we’d experienced other kinds of energy. I had kept this crystal with me daily, working with it and cleansing and transmuting the energy. It felt perfect to release that crystal here, which would directly affect the other areas it is connected to, and would be protected.
As I released it, I noticed a pair of ducks at one of the entrances to this area sitting peacefully on the water feeling like the union of divine feminine and masculine energy bearing witness to, and supporting this intentional action of harmony I intended to help restore to these areas, and to our beautiful Terra. They flew off when I was done.
It was short, sweet, gentle, and yet heartfully intentional.
And this brings me to the wood bison, who I fell in love with and will continue to carry in my heart and work together with.
From day one in Elk Island, the wood bison began to make his connection.
And during our 4 days, 3 of those days continued with wood bison encounters, except for the day we stayed close at home on the trails behind our rv site.
During these encounters, we connected with two wood bison – both males. The first two times were individual encounters with each of them, and the last day was a combination of both of them and was also the day that the moose buck appeared as well.
The energy we were encountering seemed to be that of sacred masculine energy, which I have felt to be key in remembering to integrate, while many have had a more focused intent on the sacred feminine. Both are needed, and integral to the other. We mustn’t forget our parts.
Anyway, the first encounter was with a wood bison serenely and almost meditatively sitting amidst the brush at the edge of the forest. He was only about 15 feet away, while we stopped the car to connect. I immediately felt the sweetness emanating from those gentle, soulful eyes of this tender giant.
My energy shifted in this connecting and wondered what else was to come.
It was the second encounter with a different male wood bison that ignited things deeply.
We had just finished a shorter hike on Beaver Pond Trail. On this hike I’d found this lovely large white, delicate and heavenly down feather – the biggest I’ve seen and knew it came from a sacred bird, but loved that it was the under feather that reveals the sacred power that is unseen.
I had this feather with me, as I had received it as gift. It felt like gentle, tender, peaceful energy. The same energy that this wood bison we then came upon after, while driving, embodied.
We came upon him at the edge of the woods and stopped. I got out of the car to not have a barrier between me and him.
He was standing at the edge of the forest, but eventually he came about 30 feet away.
I spent time connecting intentfully and feeling drawn to send him healing energy, as well as being in deep respect and honor of him, and I could see that he received this and was doing the same, as he stood very still, as if in meditation and trance-like as I did so.
I then was moved to receive anything he might have to share and immediately got that he wanted me to share his message.
When I asked him what that was it came through clearly.
“Peace,” he said. Simply that.
And yet this simple message was layered in depth and meaning.
Interesting due to the feather I found and what I felt from it.
I spent a half hour with him. Just exchanging energy and being with his sweetness. He was not the male energy one might attach to a creature of his stature and physical strength.
He was like my Cosmo….expressing and embodying the new male. He was not about the fight and did not want to engage that path.
After about half the time I spent with him, I realized that he had wounds received from another male. There was one large wound – a big puncture from a horn right through his left side – the side connected to the sacred feminine. This open wound being a portal for transmutation.
I then knew more of why I’d felt called to send him healing, which now also included the physical. I spent time helping to mend the wound energetically.
Interesting to note also, the horns grow up toward the sky, which brings an embodiment of this higher intelligence. That he was punctured by these Cosmic horns from another bison in his solar plexus seemed also to reflect bringing this higher consciousness into deep assimilation and digestion of universal truths and enlightenment through as personal empowerment and creative energy to actively move forward with. Integration of Earth and Cosmos.
He wanted much to connect and knew I was sending healing energy, so he just sat receiving in kind and coming closer. He didn’t move at times for minutes like a statue just looking..then the rest of the time grazed as he connected.
During our connecting I energetically hugged him, and this experience was not one simply in my mind’s eye, but physically experienced, as I could feel his thick fur…it’s texture, it’s warmth from the sun and his tough flesh and blood beneath it, and it’s thick soft and coarseness between my fingers, on my skin, and caressing my cheek that lay against his massive power and nurturing guardianship.
I surrendered into the sacred male energy as my own guardian and trusted partner of mutual respect and support. Our energies together becoming a gentle power of unification meant to walk hand-in-hand together – each reflecting the gifts and strengths of the other and how they work divinely in synergy with one another.
I was reminded of Beauty and the Beast, but this was a new faery tale story unfolding a whole new reality and dynamics.
I felt like I could have sat in the field with him and he’d have welcomed it. But I knew our window created for this experience and exchange was not endless, and that someone would eventually show up when the time was concluded, which would shift and disturb the energy.
Interestingly no one came during the time we were connecting, but at the end when it felt complete, our bubble of sacredness came to closure when a car came by and stopped to see him. I knew it was time to go.
But he did show up again, along with the other wood bison, as mentioned, on our last day to say our farewells and lock in our bond.
I knew it was them by their energy and their faces, having connected with each, and by their showing up in the same spot we’d seen them on the other days, much as the moose cow in Glacier National Park had returned to the same spot two days in a row.
On the second day of seeing the wood bison who shared his message of peace, I found him this time laying peacefully in a dirt patch in front of the forest.
And the other wood bison, who the first day was laying in the bushes, had now switched with this other and was up and about and literally 10 feet from the car.
It was interesting that the feather I found before this encounter I realized was gone when we left to head home. I can only imagine it fell out of the car? Or had somehow transmuted?
I thanked him before we’d left, feeling the magnitude of his simple message and all that it contained in potent layers without needing to express it all. I’d received those layers through our connection, his ancient eyes, and the ages of experiences we would be helping to mend and unify together.
When I got home, I felt called to look more deeply into bison medicine. And this stood out in what I found, which is exactly what he meant in the exchange I received in his peace:
“Those with buffalo/bison as power animal must walk a sacred path, honoring every walk of life. Buffalo will assist you in establishing a deep connection with Mother Earth and Father Sky (interesting since buffalo is Earth and the feather is Sky) and will ask that you help the endangered species and all of life in the world. Pray/meditate/focus on harmony and peace amongst all beings.”
And that is just what I am, have, and will continue to do.
My intention has been and will always be for a return to natural harmony within and without.
As the theme of peace resounds ever-more deeply this week, I felt to reshare this short blog, which sets the stage for my upcoming blog of our time in Elk Island the last 4 days where this message came through one of the animal spirit guides I spent time with. Peace in ~ Peace out❤
Peace of mind is not a goal I need achieve.
It’s a place inside I never want to leave.
Close my eyes, I still my thoughts and then I say
I will choose to live in peace today.
We can only help make our lives and our world more peaceful, when we ourselves feel peace. Peace already exists within each of us, if we only allow ourselves to feel its comfort. Peace of mind begins when we stop thinking about how far we have to go, or how hard the road has been, and just let ourselves feel peace. Peace of mind gives us the strength to keep trying and keep walking along the path that we KNOW is right for our lives.
~ Robert Alan Silverstein