I wasn’t going to post a blog today, but I was so excited upon returning home to discover these welcome back gifts that I thought I’d share them so I can pass on some signs of renewal already underway. You might recall that last February, for my birthday, some surprise purple irises bloomed out of no where as a message of hope – irises I don’t remember planting there and at high mountain altitude, were an early amazement. I wondered if the same would happen this year and was sad of the potential that I might miss them, since we were away for my birthday. But the moment we pulled up to the house I caught sight of two purple beauties peeking out as you can see!
They are the very first ones, with another about to bloom. I understood that they waited just for me, continuing in the vein of birthday celebrations and also reflecting another hopeful outlook on the year ahead.
I know this past Winter has continued trying for many and there’s been a lot of challenging energies to integrate, but as Spring is just around the corner so, too, does it feel that there is promise to believe in and inspired action to put into motion.
After saying hello to my “birthday irises,” as I’m now calling them, I discovered that some of my other bulbs were also pushing through.
I shared in September how I planted 150 new tulip and daffodil bulbs and the ones I discovered upon returning home were in fact the very ones I planted this past fall! Another beautiful reflection of seeded intentions that were woven, in fact are starting to sprout. They feel to foretell of nurtured goals and dreams not only having potential, but are in fact a reality beginning to manifest – step-by-step.
Another interesting reflection came through random photos I took of myself on Friday after our last day skiing before we headed out the next day. I noticed when I took off my helmet, how the silver was really showing up all over both woven throughout and in the stripes along the front. It was even more noticeable in person, but I snapped shots anyway because my hair had a wild, witchy look to it I wanted to document for how it also felt reflective.
I didn’t realize until it was pointed out, that somehow parts of my hair showed up as vibrant teal when in fact I have no teal in my hair what so ever and there was no teal light shining on me.
Check out the left side of my hair especially in the above two photos, and then the overall aura glow on the one below that almost has a touch of violet in the teal emanating.
I did at one time have teal put into my hair for Spring two years ago, as you may also remember, but this was odd. It reminded me of those cameras that catch auras on film and it felt like the teal was being revealed as my aura color, which makes sense if you know me and my energy and that aqua/teal has always been my favorite color.
Essence reflections, perhaps?
Does it speak to the evolution and integration I underwent this past Winter into a greater embodiment of the nature of me?
Bare-faced and silver woven, I feel a great sense of peace that cannot be swayed by anything outside of me – enhanced by experiences this Winter where I learned I could navigate any terrain with calm.
I went out this morning to say hello to our land and check everyone out, as well as introduce this new addition to the Enchanted Garden Portal.
These two sweeties are another solar light decked out in succulents to match the one my parents gave to me. They are actually going to be in the garden soil itself, but I took the photo below to show how sweetly they go together.
I couldn’t resist and felt they’d be a perfect addition, home coming, and a great way to welcome Spring with a big Hoppy Ostara/Oestara!
Ironically, although it appears like Spring is on the way, we actually have a storm that is making itself known a little earlier than expected. We’ll have snow the next few days, but on and off snow flurries already just started a couple of hours ago. There is still a lot of snowy patches all around and the mountains are covered, but I’ve noticed green sprouts peeking through here and there.
Feels like we still have some incubating to do while growth is underway.
I know we’ve only just landed to our Forest Portal yesterday, but it feels oh so good. No matter the adventures and beauty we go off to enjoy, we always feel most gratitude for our home right here. Oh how we missed our tree guardians that encircle the house, the Fae of the land, our forest, Sierra Nevada mountains, and the incredible mystery jewel – Lake Tahoe – which is beyond compare for us.
The comfort of a sanctuary you’ve created in a land that you love is priceless.
The fur babies are all enjoying being back, each in their happy places. Astrid knew mom promised we’d return and while she had quite the evolution this Winter, she’s super pleased and at peace being in her royal faery realm.
What a trooper they all have been, but Astrid is truly the Rabbit Traveler Extraordinaire! I’m amazed by her, as anyone who knows rabbits would likely tell you what she accomplished through road trips alone was nothing but incredible.
We’re grateful to our friends who have sent so much loving support and good energy.
As Astrid and I entered our Wonderland room we nearly lost our breath because we’d forgotten how much we adore it. Everything has a freshness to it and feels as if the Fae sprinkled extra magick into everything while we were away, to prepare it for us as a welcome home.
To say she and I are in bliss, is an understatement.
(UPDATE: I forgot to mention that on our travels back home we saw pronghorn again and an owl flying in plain sight of daylight. The owl was in the exact area we saw her at the start of the trip so that felt potent and full circle, including how I saw on the clock every consecutive repetitive time: 1:11, 2:22, 3:33 (owl showed up right after this), 4:44 and 5:55! Also the night we returned I woke in the middle of it with tailbone aches. I haven’t had that in a while and usually it happens at very shifting times. Being that this area of the coccyx and sacrum are a portal, it seems powerful to note.)
Nine represents completion, but not finality. It’s about a cyclical transition that is journeyed as an evolutionary rebirthing. The valuable things we learn through the entire process become the activators of the new cycle – one after another. An infinite potential of wisdom gleaned and/or transformation experienced.
It’s amazing to be coming to the end of our nine week journey, which all began with one fully loaded car as you can see, and sitting with the incredible way time both flies and feels like eternity. Dave named it “The Ski Safari,” but little did he know how the conclusion would reflect that quite literally. You’ll see what I mean shortly.
Looking back at photos of us from both the start (below taken a couple weeks in) and finish (last photo taken yesterday), I can see the big shift that has taken place inwardly.
And here we are, today, heading out on our very last ski of the safari before we start making our way home tomorrow. We’ve had some really gorgeous weather the last two weeks (beginning my birthday week actually) with sparkly sunshine, baby blue skies, powdery white snow and warmth kissing our skin.
The entire trip has given us much to be grateful for and we’ll be reflecting on it all as we break up travels back to Lake Tahoe into two days over this weekend to make it easier on everyone, but especially the fur babies.
We finished out our time in Colorado with a simple, low-key birthday, which was perfect for highlighting what is most important in life. I choose to place my focus on the blessings and to find the hidden gifts. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring or even if the sun will shine for us come morning, but breathing into the spaciousness of this moment helps us to experience the impetus of potential innate within us. Then, cradled by the Full Moon of my birthday night, all things deserving of gratitude were illuminated in my reflections, while I also whispered many a wish into the light streaming through the window onto me.
This last week has seen us back in Utah, staying in the Salt Lake City area, where birthday celebrations have continued. We traveled the day after my birthday and along the 7 1/2 hour drive the amazing landscapes and sightings were continued gifts. These included an incredible sighting of a herd of pronghorn with babies (we haven’t seen pronghorn since our Magick Bus RV adventure – so that felt potent), several herds of mule deer, and a mysterious, dark, medium-sized creature along the river’s edge I could not place.
Between the weather, pronghorn, deer, and babies it all feels so reflective of Winter transitioning to Spring.
Touchdown at our Airbnb for the week was quite welcome to lay our weary heads down for a long night’s rest, but that didn’t come until we’d finished exploring our new home-away-from-home that had so many surprises in store.
Nestled into a very quiet neighborhood with sweeping vistas of the snow covered mountains, we found ourselves in quite an eclectic, large yet cozy, and seemed-to-be-made-just-for-me home. The birthday faeries pulled out all the stops to make sure birthday celebrations would continue all week.
Everywhere I turned, there were little touches that spoke to me – from decorative affirmational art with sweet messages, to tiny faery surprises as the brand name inside the sink I washed my face, a hidden magick tree cubby hole, and even Egyptian decor, plus more! I was texting with a friend when we arrived, as I was discovering everything, and we were both kind of getting a little “scared” in a good way, as the little touches seemed like someone had done research on me or something and then placed things inconspicuously for me to find.
Thank you Uni! (My endearing name for The Universe).
I’ve spoken briefly about my Egyptian connection in the past, but of all the journeys I’ve made it has been the two to Egypt that were the most powerfully transformative for me due to that connection. And here we found ourselves in this magickal space that had one designated room that felt like a dimensional doorway to there.
What a surprise it was to discover a home movie room with giant Egyptian statues all throughout. I’ve never been in a home like this, which actually was a separate level to the main house above. This Egyptian room was just one of five different rooms, but of course was my favorite. You could actually feel the different energy just stepping into it.
You can bet I’ve dimmed and turned out the lights a few times while sitting quietly inside and it right away brought me back to my time in the King and Queen’s chamber of the Great Pyramid where we meditated in complete privacy and darkness during my visits there.
I don’t know if you can see the details in this next photo enough, but on our second day after landing here we went hiking in the snow and the vistas were incredible…This one in particular was “wow,” as to me the snowy mountains ahead looked like pyramids, including some step pyramids (look to the left) and temples – just like I’ve seen and visited in Egypt. It all reminded me of this sacred land covered in a mysterious white enchantment. Like a portal to another world and time.
And if these things weren’t enough, right outside the door is a large yard and garden area with hidden magick to include fun rabbits, faery, gnome, owl, magick mushrooms, reading squirrels and so much more.
The icing on the cake was discovering that right over the other side of the fence the next door neighbors had quite the eclectic family of their own fur babies to include goats (perfect literal Capricorn friends to celebrate sea goat growth for me), Australian emus, and an African zebra.
Didn’t Dave anoint this “The Ski Safari”? Hehe!!
I definitely have felt like a lot of timelines and exotic destinations from my past and soul history were all intersecting here and brought together as little nuggets of alchemy to light the way.
To continue in the vein of this energy, on Monday night I had quite a magickal dream that likely was ignited from all of this mysterious enchantment. The dream involved an incredible large and ancient horse that merged the energies of prehistoric (there we go again), Sumerian, and Egyptian. The horse came at me very deliberately, but only to connect. There was no threat. And then the horse morphed into a more modern day horse, carrying all of the magickal energy still but no longer appearing as it did before. This female horse gave birth to four foals by a male horse that also now appeared in the dream. They were all magick horses and began to levitate, then fly, in front of me. They did so without wings. It was quite something and meaningful.
I then went on to have another dream that had me finding video snippets of me that were so familiar and yet I felt like my memory had been wiped of them even though I knew they were so real. They were of me just with different hairstyles, as an actress in different scenes and roles at various international locations. It was more involved than this, but basically spoke to me of parallel timelines seeping through. In this life I had almost gone that route when in my late 20’s, but chose a different route and closed a hard door there after meeting a not-so-pleasant person from a past life.
All so interesting to say the least.
But on to more fun things about this week, we also found ourselves minutes from an all vegan bakery that carries incredible yummies with half of them even being gluten free as well, with a variety of ready-made meals from their mini cafe section to take and go. Yes, we made several trips there to indulge on this last week of our trip and also have explored several vegan restaurants in the Salt Lake City area – all extending out birthday celebrations in a grand way.
I’m feeling very nurtured by it all and grateful for all of the alignments being reflected. It feels like this last week has been the perfect way to end the adventure. We’ve returned to some of the ski resorts we started the trip off with and visited a new one we hadn’t yet, while making sure our last day – today – is at our fav of the area – perfectly named Deer Valley for all the sweet deer family “springing” up along these days.
What also has sprung is quite the transformation – each of us in our own way.
And that leads me to share a few things I gleaned on this journey.
I experienced the truth of how you can learn anything at any age, that skiing IS actually fun if I make it my own experience, how you can make fear your friend, that most anything is possible if you’re willing to commit yourself and love yourself through it, gentle approaches encourage growth more than force, you don’t have to be an expert at something to teach someone, experience and relatability is the keystone bridge for connection and understanding, you can transform old patterns with love, you have the power to change anything, applying your gifts and tools to everything you do helps to make magick an every day experience of empowerment, trusting yourself, above all, makes all the difference, taking time to listen within will align you with clarity and direction, there’s no mountain too high to climb if you want to and no mountain too steep to get down with full control – you don’t have to fall, but if you do, there’s no failure in getting back up again.
Ironically, “knock-on-wood,” I didn’t actually fall once in the 43 days of skiing so far this season. In comparison to a lot of falls in the past, that’s quite something. There’s nothing wrong with falling, as sometimes things just happen and you simply return to your feet and find the gift in loving yourself anyway, but I learned a lot of self-taught techniques and implemented deliberate presence and care every step of the way to ensure a safe and fun adventure. And Dave, by the way, skied and snow boarded all season on a torn meniscus.
Yes, anything is possible.
You are an intuitive being whether you think you are, or not. When you reteach yourself to trust what you’re feeling and relax into a more peaceful state of presence, then you can be more mindful, discerning, and understanding of how to navigate the energy streams in healthy partnership of heart and mind where unnecessary risks, but invigorating challenge will meet in your always being exactly where your spirit desires.
This last week has felt like an integrative transition from the inner to outer world and so listening to intuition has been on high for me to help guide the way.
It’s incredible how we’ve been away all Winter and will return just as Spring gets ready to sprout. I’m curious to see what I’ll discover since being away and what new magick is on the way.
The journey is an experience that unfolds one blossoming petal at a time and yet at every turn it always is a flower of life.
May the light of your essence speak more loudly than the whispers of doubt. You are more powerful than you think and more capable than you allow yourself to believe. Every day the sun shines on your face is a reminder that you shine when you allow a new dawn to rise.
Next week is going to be quite full upon returning home and hunkering down with things, so I’m not sure when I’ll blog next. Perhaps after the 14th, which will be our first class of 2021. Until then, keep the faith, nurture your dreams, and go for what your heart is whispering to you.
Wow, March is here already and with it comes another energetic landscape to navigate through, which Lee always has great insights and guidance to help with. New Levels of Purpose and Peace is the title of this month’s overview, which is also one of the focal themes we are moving through. No matter the spectrum you find yourself on, embrace it. As Lee shares, there’s no shame in feeling solid where you are with things. More and more people are going to start experiencing this sense of finally feeling things light up for them and this will help illuminate things for others. Embodiment and self care continues to be key. If you stay through the end you can hear a snippet of the Activate Self Love meditation that focuses on self care and self love. Or, fast forward to 23:30 after the Energy Update.
Here’s the first part of today’s March update from Lee:
And the second part of March updates comes from my end, as we kick off the last week of our nine week journey away. I’ll be nesting and anchoring into things back home come March 8th, but that week I return will be quite full with settling back, handling all that is part of being away from home for nine weeks, on top of preparations to teach on March 14th, and working bit by bit through current projects and sessions.
This week my days are also quite busy due to unexpected events and other focuses that took precedence the past couple of weeks. I’ve also felt the need for extra rest and self care due to the accelerated changes and upgrades taking place inside and out, so I still make balance a focus. As a result, things have piled up a bit and work flow on some things has been slow, as well as my responding to emails. I thank you all for your patience and understanding.
Here’s a reiteration summary of March and April if you missed the last update, or for anyone new or who was on the fence about things.
Online Classes: Intuition and Reiki is on March 14th and Crystal Healing & Reiki is on March 28th – each taking place within a New and Full Moon energy doorway. These classes can be found here: 2021 Classes & Upcoming Events. Only the Crystal Healing & Reiki class has some openings, although there’s potential one spot might open in the Intuition and Reiki class, but I won’t know until perhaps a few days beforehand. I’m open to creating a wait list if you were interested in this one, in case this becomes available. You do need to have had Reiki training in order to take these classes, as we will be working with symbols in conjunction with the material. If you have any questions about these, please Contact Me.
Intuitive Energy Guidance: As mentioned I reopened sessions for the month of March only, but am currently very limited on taking much more and may close spots in the next week. If you are in need of support please let me know as soon as you can because come April, I’m shifting gears in order to have time to devote to where I’m guided. You will find two options of sessions at this page: Intuitive Energy Guide One-On-One Sessions to include either a One Hour Optimizing Session without Reiki or a One-Hour Optimizing Session with Reiki Healing Attunement.
Online Reiki Training: Teaching a Reiki Level 1 Class wasn’t on my radar, but I had a couple of people interested since last I put this out there. It’s looking more likely that I’m not going to be able to manage this, but will be able to confirm that fully when I’m back home. At that point I’ll be in touch to discuss options, which could include training with one of my now-teaching Reiki Master Teacher students who I can refer you to. Please Contact Me with questions.
The Mentor Muse ~ Guiding Inspiration for Life’s Work Alignment: Just a reminder that I’m taking applications for this only until March 20th for working with only three people. I’ve been receiving forms from interested people, but have been back-logged on getting applications out. I plan to have them to you in the next day or two. Thank you again for your patience and interest. I’ve loved reading your messages on what guided you to take this step. The process involves filling out the non-obligatory form at the bottom of the page link here: The Mentor Muse 1:1 Immersives and then you’ll receive an email and application from me to return. I’ll then be reviewing everything and scheduling phone calls to discuss things further and whether we’re a good match at this time. We’ll then begin our journey together on, or the week of, April 12th. I’ll keep you updated on spots filled, once we progress further through the process. I honor and recognize this being a big decision, commitment and investment, so it’s one I don’t take lightly on my end either.
I think that’s it for now. Wishing everyone a more peaceful and embodied March.
What do you get when you take a fish out of water, put the fish on the highest snowy mountain peak in sight, and ask her to find her way home? She begins to remember her essence, applies it to what ever surrounding she finds herself in, and starts to transform into the mythical sea goat her ascendant, North Node, and First House Mars foretold she could be.
Or, something like that. 😉
Truth be told, the short story of irony I’m about to tell is one I did not foresee being one I would tell. And yet, I feel guided to share it for the seed it might plant in any one of you who also may have fears or doubts about what is possible, as I’ve always strongly believed that our greatest fears hold the greatest alchemy for us. In fact, I feel that our greatest fears are the doorways to our gifts and potentials.
I’ve seen that transmutation with things like my fear of public speaking, which turned into teaching, leading retreats, being interviewed on radio shows and video spots, coaching others, creating a YouTube channel of my own, and even openly sharing in various forums or platforms like this.
But skiing? I had pretty much accepted it just might not be my thing and was okay with that.
As many of you know who so sweetly follow along with my journeys, skiing is likely close to the bottom of my list of things I would have considered doing well. I didn’t grow up doing it, I didn’t start to really ski more consistently until the last two to three years – I’m now 48, and I had layers of fears around it that at times were debilitating when first I tried my hand at it.
This fish – I’m a Pisces – was more comfortable in liquid water rather than on frozen water even though I loved the enchantment of it.
That is, until my Capricorn stepped in to help me merge into that sea goat.
Fast forward to 2021 and I find myself on a nine week “ski safari,” as Dave likes to call it, and unknowingly to me, this presented the opportunity to embrace, hide, or run away from my fears. The sea goat-to-be decided to embrace it and hence began the daily consistent journey of supporting myself through a different layer of growth for the next chapter in my life.
I made a decision to transform my relationship with fear and skiing and reprogram a whole new way of nurturing myself that would make it fun, gentle, encouraging, and unconditional. I spent the last eight weeks really listening to myself, understanding my feelings, and developing a consistent practice and system of trust and support that translated into a natural progression of greater confidence, comfortability, and the surprising personal skill to get down a mountain that I wouldn’t have thought was possible.
I still wouldn’t call myself a great skier with amazing form, but that was never the goal. My intention was to create an inner trust and way that worked with who I am so that I could experience the natural out of something that once felt very unnatural.
But even greater than not seeing that coming, was not seeing what unfolded next, which just so happened to take place the day before and on my birthday.
We had a surprise visit from one of Dave’s law school friends and his girlfriend who happened to be finishing up a short ski trip in Park City, Utah and were on their way to visit his family near Boulder, Colorado. They decided to stop a couple of days near us and didn’t know it was my birthday. So, in fact they ended up being with us to celebrate and we met them at Copper Mountain where they were staying, so that we could ski with them for two days.
His girlfriend is a beginner skier, also learning late in life like me. She’s three years older than I am and just started last January in Lake Tahoe. She’s only skied half a dozen times and has taken several lessons. So, it was a good match for me to ski with her while Dave and his friend skied together.
What I had no idea would happen, though, was the two days turned into me teaching her. She didn’t ask me and I didn’t set out to do it. It just naturally evolved and the result was something neither of us expected.
But let me repeat that…the two days turned into me teaching her. What?!
Somehow the self trust and confidence I had built within myself the last eight weeks, alongside the self nurturing and transparent vulnerability and understanding of my fears had created a bridge between me and her. It was an unspoken language that my heart understood during the first two minutes I watched her ski. And a camaraderie of nurturing ignited instantaneously and the teacher side of me found a new channel to lovingly work through.
It didn’t matter if I was “expert” at this skiing thing or not. I had personal experience and tender understanding about what was running through her. I saw her as me and I knew how I had nurtured my own inner child through this, so this experience was simply another version of that inner child I naturally gravitated toward and vice versa.
What unfolded within literally ten minutes almost made both of us cry.
She looked at me with the hugest smile and sparkle in her eyes (we were wearing our face coverings so that’s all we could see of each other) and said, “Oh my gosh Tania. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to make turns. This is the first time anyone has ever told me what you just did. I can’t thank you enough. You’re such a good teacher because you explain things the way I understand them.”
To say I was humbled by what she said is an understatement….I nearly fell over because the irony of this shocked me. I merely felt what she was going through and relayed things as I would have to myself. Nothing fancy, just from the heart in a simple way.
She had been used to expecting she would fall, expecting to have fear, and just holding her breath, ploughing straight down steep parts, and hoping for the best. She had no confidence. Her trust was in the fact that falling was normal and fear would always control her.
After just one, long run together she was a completely different person on skis and she went from a past history of multiple crash falls and landings to only one small, gentle fall on the first two runs we did together, to not one fall on the third.
But more importantly, she was smiling huge, excited, felt confident, and was finally having fun!
I was floored because it was the last thing I would have expected and yet it actually seemed to make sense when I thought about it.
It’s not that I know all there is about skiing because I hardly know anything, but I know fear and I know processes. What I learned was a step-by-step way to address and explain things so that a better relationship could be developed with something new and scary. I knew that creating a bridge to more confidence and what would support that best, was where to start. The rest would naturally evolve.
She went on to tell her boyfriend and Dave that she’s had what she considered not great and good instructors, but I had done what neither had been able to.
It’s still actually hard for me to even say or write this because it’s challenging to see how this happened and so it makes me want to giggle in disbelief. And yet, we both witnessed, and her boyfriend did too on the second day, the progress she made.
He actually thanked me when we arrived on day two, my birthday, after doing one run with her, saying “Wow Tania. You really upped her game. She’s made huge progress. I don’t know what you did – hypnotized her or something – but thank you.”
You can imagine the laugh Dave and I had when we returned to the car on our own and I said, “I guess I’m a ski instructor now?!”
On our second day together, and first run of that day, she had a moment where her ski hit a round ice ball on the steepest part of the run. This, as you might surmise and is quite natural, put her back into a place of fear. So, it started to make her second run more challenging, as that fear thought was lingering with her and wondering if it would happen again. She began to lose confidence.
I knew that place very well, too. Those little setbacks when you have a different day, things feel different, conditions are different, etc. These are times that call for you to double back and navigate things from the beginning again in a way that feels nurturing instead of pushy or judgmental.
I started to do that with her and explained how it was okay…natural…but we could work with that. And we did. We talked through things and she took it step-by-step, including just looking a few feet in front of her to navigate her path rather than at the whole landscape, and then following closely behind me as I took a very slow and deliberate run like I’d done the day before that helped her feel guided to focus on rather than her fear. She mirrored me and we were as one.
She shared her gratitude for helping her through the fear and explained she felt so much better.
Once again, she looked at me with the hugest smile and sparkle in her eyes and I knew she was having fun again.
And that my friends, is priceless.
Depending on where you live, February’s Full Snow Moon in Virgo reaches illumination either in the wee hours on the morning of Saturday the 27th, or anywhere in between that and the night before. The best view of it will be tonight, February 26th, which happens to be my birthday and will reach its highest point in the sky near midnight. I love that it’s called the Snow Moon and the reason is because typically February is the heaviest month for snow fall.
How perfect for this Winter Faery whose been on a snowy adventure navigating and braving new frontiers of experience for the past eight weeks. Every day has been an immersion into Winter Wonderlands that reflect the visions that inhabit my dreams. While I LOVE ALL seasons, the enchantment of Winter and snow is one I never tire of – very fitting as a Pisces water sign to love her seasonal realm of crystalline water.
I took this photo on Monday, February 22nd of this week while skiing at Vail on one of the most gorgeous days and also one of my braver days. It felt like a perfect reflection for the Full Snow Moon. As you can see, the Moon made her appearance, revealing her soon-to-be-debuting fullness.
According to The Old Farmer’s Almanac, this Moon also has connection to animals:
The Cree called this the Bald Eagle Moon or Eagle Moon. Bear Moon (Ojibwe) and Black Bear Moon (Tlingit) refer to the time when bear cubs are born. The Dakota called this the Raccoon Moon, and certain Algonquin peoples named it the Groundhog Moon. The Haida named it Goose Moon.
Again, so fitting, as I have a strong connection with bears you might recall from my mention of them as messengers many times in dreamland. I am also very connected with geese and the avian family at large.
And speaking of geese, a silly goose I am and always will be.
I’m constantly laughing at myself, finding the humor, and embracing the opportunity in each moment to be silly and have fun. Sometimes that includes laughing until I’m crying and nearly can’t breathe (which has happened quite often on this trip), running around like a child saying innocent things with funny faces to convey it, or free falling into the snow in the middle of snow shoeing like the photo above.
Laughter and play go hand-in-hand for me.
Play is liberating and opens you to new possibilities. It opens your heart to the wonder and helps you to find magick all around you.
Play helps you to break from inhibitions and detach from needing to know. When you play you unleash your essence, come to know yourself more, and connect with the child in every one you meet.
Playing invites you to dance in spontaneity and turn the heavy into light.
It doesn’t matter your age. These are the things that keep you ageless.
When you invite playfulness into your life more, you’ll find yourself feeling a little more free and like anything is possible.
The expansive and majestic vistas I’ve had opportunity to see the last couple of months have been the perfect landscapes to support the unlimited potential innate to us all.
And while the perfect realm for this watery spirit, it has also been the perfect realm for continued embodiment and merging of the earthy counterparts I carry strongly as my native being as well. My strong Capricorn counterpart has also been nurtured into greater fullness, finding sanctuary in the high altitudes her mountain goat heart thrives in. We’ve been sleeping at nearly 10,000 elevation and soaring up to nearly 13,000 and it’s all felt like home to me.
Snow and mountains….what more perfect an adventure for a sea-goat. 😉
And it’s not just the mountains I’ve been learning to descend sure-footedly, but also the mountains I’m seeing myself capable of ascending to literally and metaphorically.
These captures of me in my “spacesuit” feel like a great way to reflect and anchor in the start of this new cycle for me. Not only will they tell the story of such a huge leap in growth I navigated through and opened by loving my way through fears, but they will mark for me milestones in courage and the gateways I opened for all things to be possible. I’ve learned new processes that can be implemented across the board and certainly will be for the rest of this year and beyond.
A cosmic traveler I am, navigating and implementing the journey of spirit in body as one.
Interestingly, I noticed on this trip that the more comfortable in integrated embodiment I’ve become, the more silver has been woven into my entire head of hair. So although ever-more impish, as one of my dear friends likes to call me, Winter has set in for good as the guiding wisdom and constant reminder that Spring’s hope is never lost.
Today I’m 48 in Earthly years and yet the hourglass of my soul creates it’s own gauge to navigate life by.
There are days when life invites you to dance with your imagination and linger there a bit longer than usual. These are the times you’re reminded of the fine line between what you imagine and what is, because they become one.
And these are the times that reflect to you the power of your creative energy.
The light codes shining through our days recently have been truly amazing, as you can see in the photo above. And they feel indicative of potential – the seeds of activation. The rainbow glistens and unusual orb-like beams of presence seeming surreal…as if from another world.
This is the way I see things in my visions when I imagine.
And the prismatic colorful glistens even showed up in the untouched snow, leaving us surrounded by blankets of rainbow prism crystals scattered across the land. I tried to capture all the crystalline gems sparkling, but the photo below was the best I could do and your imagination will have to join for the rest.
The snow carpets of rainbow prism gems were scattered across the landscape making us feel like we arrived in Wonderland itself.
Now imagine this multiplied to cover the entire surface and standing there in silence surrounded by the untouched crystalline magick glistening, as if sprinkled by the faeries for only your eyes to see.
If this isn’t pure enchantment, I don’t know what is.
This is imagination manifested into reality – well, my imagination that is.
This is how I imagine the reality in my visions and here it was before me.
And the more we allowed ourselves to be dazzled by this display, the more brilliant it became all around. The more we lingered in captivation, the more our imaginations built bridges to the sights before us and the two merged, multiplying and relishing in the joy of being unleashed.
The colors became more pronounced, twinkled with wonder, and put on a show, as everything came alive in rainbow crystal delight.
I love where imagination wanders and what it can manifest when left to its joy of creating.
You can infuse an extra little bit of magick in your life by engaging your imagination and giving yourself moments of possibility or joyful expressions even if just for minutes a day.
Your imagination doesn’t distinguish between real and not real. It’s all real and from this expansive space is where you create new realities by aligning you with manifestations.
Realities are becoming more fluid and much more instantaneously reflective of our visions, thoughts, and intentions.
So choose wisely, compassionately, and playfully. And choose to let go some times too, having fun running wild with possibility.
You might just find Wonderland inhabits the liminal space between your judgments and your joys.
And speaking of possibility aligning you with manifestations and creating new realities, as promised The Mentor Muse ~ Guiding Inspiration for Life’s Work Alignment is now open to receiving applications. I’ll be taking applications only through March 20th and journeying with only three people. You’ll find details and how to explore this possibility, obligation free, at the page below:
The ever-wise Astrid joins us today for a share about wellness derived from a balance of varied experiences we invite into the dance of life with us. It’s also about how living from the source of love in your heart, opens doorways to accessing your multi-dimensionality. The result – greater feelings of wholeness and well-being.
It feels like we’re constantly receiving the same theme messages over and over, but the truth is there aren’t any really new messages or ideas – there’s simply different perspectives they come through or evoke and different, perhaps more aligned timing they speak to us.
Because of these, the present landscape feels seeded with greater potential for openings, as a vast majority of the collective continues to slow down and is faced with more contrasting experiences.
Briefly, I’m happy to report that Astrid continues doing extremely well, her toe injury from losing her full nail has been non-existent since we arrived to our location of the last nearly three weeks, and she increasingly exhibits a deepening of joyful exuberance and loving connection that have added both comic relief and socialization sweetness.
While being displaced from her normal routines and realm on this trip, as well as having more confined spaces at times, could very well have made Astrid retreat into herself, permanently revert to triggered patterns from her past, or even worse – weighed on her physical well-being – quite the opposite has taken place. I’ve already written about how she’s been opening up even more and working through core fears, but today we thought to share some sweet photos and fun little stories to accompany her transformation because after all, a picture speaks a thousand words.
The reason she feels it important to share this, is because rabbits can be an extreme example for the same things we go through because of their sensitivities.
Rather than pull back, feel depressed, or become ill, Astrid has welcomed more layers of living to be part of her experience no matter the circumstances. She exercises, plays, has conscious introspection time, rests, eats and hydrates regularly, communicates, and engages connection by choice. All of which help her to maintain wellness and support an increased level of personal evolution for her soul in rabbit body.
She’s especially become fond of yoga, stretching, and meditation time with dad during the wee hours of the morning or in the evenings by the fire while watching a movie.
When ever dad gets the yoga mat out, Astrid makes a beeline to him and plops herself down right next to him, runs around or lays on the mat on her own, stretches, or engages Boojum to invite him to play on the mat with her.
In the mornings she sits quietly with dad during meditation or gives and invites loving connection to show that she’s creating space for this healing practice and supporting him with something she enjoys too.
This is all especially endearing to see, as she used to only engage with me and now she’s truly opened to the whole family.
Then there’s super Astrid exercise time to express her exuberant joy of life and being in body. This consists of her leaping, twisting, and hopping in place (called binkies), or racing around like a flash of lightning until she’s fully released the wave of energy spontaneously moving through her. One morning she demonstrated her amazing strength and agility running laps in and out of tight corners, then raced from one end of the room and did a flying leap over the 1 1/2 foot high, 3 foot long ottoman, ending with zooming right under our female cat’s body between her back and front legs, as she was mid-walking. She had me in stitches!
And of course the multitude of ways she shows her desire to connect, communicate, engage, and love from a vulnerable space that include anything from jumping on the bed with a good morning nudge to laying next to us while we are working, relaxing, napping, or reading, or running over and nosing us with desire for snuggles and kisses.
She also engages the cats by sometimes touching noses with Boojum, or hopping at them and stopping a few inches in front of them, then hopping or circling away in hopes they’ll follow her lead. Sweet Pea and Astrid are often found a couple of feet away under a bed or table sharing space silently. The females seem to engage on an intellectual level and when Boojum’s introduced it, it’s usually only about fun. 😉
There’s times she chews her wood, pine cone and cardboard, times she takes down her cardboard house and moves it elsewhere, jumps into or onto things, sits on a chair demonstrating her bigness, times she lays with and licks her amethyst or stuffed friends, times she sits tall and still like a Buddha bunny, and times for the new hard flop into a tranced-out deep sleep. The hard flopping is different for her, but oh so good to see. When a bunny flops on her/his side it’s a sign of complete and utter vulnerable comfort and trusting surrender to feeling safe and loved. It took her a while to do this from when I first took her home and then she only softly would, but now there’s the full-on free-fall flop.
The more she engages on a variety of levels, the more possible avenues of joy she creates and the more she derives comfort in all the parts of herself and what being in body has gifted her opportunity to experience in this life. And the more she nurtures a more well-rounded approach, the greater her well-being.
I’ve found the same true for myself and people I know through friendships or work – the more we open to the variety of ways our souls have ability to express themselves because of being human, the more we create wellness by providing open channels for energy to do what it wants most to do – flow through. And even if we have a restriction in one way, as limitlessly creative beings we can find other ways to channel energy.
For instance, Astrid can’t speak like we do, but she has found many ways to express how she feels through other kinds of sounds like grunts, thumps, teeth chattering (their way of purring), or through bodily movements like giving a quick shake to her head and ears with excitement, leaping in the air, racing around with joy, nosing you to ask for something or exchange a love message, following you and laying close to share connection, sharing a rare lick to demonstrate affection, tugging at your pant leg or sock to get your attention, or jumping on the bed to welcome the morning.
But as we know, balancing our lives remains an important aspect to wellness. If we are too out-weighed in one thing of any kind, we can create underlying blocks that express as feelings of resentment, anger, blame, sadness, frustration, boredom, etc. without realizing that we are limiting our experience of life by limiting how we choose to focus all of our energy. This can also start to create tightness in our bodies or other kinds of physical discomforts or challenges simply as a reminder to move our energy in a variety of ways. And movement doesn’t just speak to physical movement, but also creating outlets to channel the different parts of ourselves and energies so they don’t become stagnant.
Astrid could easily create literal “blocks” or blockages in her sensitive digestive system if she doesn’t keep moving energy and sampling the possibilities that opening her heart to more can provide.
Rabbits demonstrate the natural energetic flow that is so vital in the way that they must always have their systems moving in order to thrive, or how they need to move in order to help push through blocks.
If she lets fear, for instance, take over energetically….she can literally become debilitated. If she doesn’t eat or exercise properly…she can experience physical shut down.
So, she’s chosen to surrender to life no matter her circumstances, and with my loving support and encouragement, continues to experience a wider range of possibilities that more authentically reflect her multi-dimensionality.
Our hearts are incredible portals to amazing things. They are the source of more than we have yet to understand and by living from these amazing portals they provide us access to a myriad of experiences that would otherwise be limited.
Astrid’s multi-dimensional experiences used to be only limited to her inner world where she traveled both as a means of escaping the pain of her circumstances before her and the only option she had given those confined circumstances.
But once love found a way to open her heart through our connection, she realized that she no longer had to protect it nor keep her parts separate…she could channel and integrate her ethereal experiences through the enjoyment of actually being in a body now also capable of sensual enjoyments only the physical can provide. And whether that be opening to the feelings she didn’t think were possible to experience, engaging in ways she was afraid to trust before, or allowing herself to surrender into the body she always preferred hovering outside of more than being in it, she discovered that multi-dimensionality meant being able to have well-rounded experiences on every plane of existence.
I’m convinced that Astrid wouldn’t have made it much longer if we hadn’t met. As strong as she was, eventually the separate life she lived, in not being able to express her soul fully through her body, would have created a full detachment at some point. She was a butterfly living inside a glass container. Now she’s able to stretch those wings and access more layers of experience.
And this is what she wants to express to each of us.
We all have potentials of expressions beyond however we feel limited in the moment. By the nature of our being multi-dimensional, we have a multitude of ways to bring through our energy and the more we surrender to possibilities, the more possibilities we create. The more we open our hearts, the more the doorways of multi-dimensionality find an access point to weave through greater experiences of fulfillment.
Astrid, as a rabbit, may have needed someone to hold that space for her, but we as humans have greater possibilities that can come through other (any encounter, partnership, companion, friend, family member, loved one, teacher, or mentor) in the same way, or through ourselves holding that space for our inner child and essence.
But like Astrid, the more ways you move energy through you by opening to and engaging a variety of experiences, the greater balance and well being you will create because this mirrors your multi-dimensional essence, which is part of what we’re activating more of collectively. The smaller we play and the more limited place we play from, the more we separate rather than unite who we really are.
We each have layers to who we are. And these layers brought forth invite more to the table, individually and collectively.
Like Astrid is the loving, the playful, the wise, and the amazing – so too are you the loving, the playful, the wise, and the amazing you.
At six weeks into our trip, we only have three remaining before heading home. I continue to balance personal time with a low-key flow of work that feels manageable and harmonious, without taking on anything new. My focus, while away, has been on moving through and completing what I can of only previous client projects or sessions that began before this trip, while also prepping for the upcoming new 2021 classes and where I’m headed next. I had to close out everything in order to not feel overwhelmed and still have my own space to fulfill what I need during this time. Balance is always a main focus for me and so I did actually take the first two weeks of the trip completely to myself without any work, just to detach for a while. And since, have slowly woven in work again.
One of the projects I’ve been slowly moving through are some new Sacred Tattoo Designs that have felt very aligned energetically to be immersed in – a mother and daughter dragon duo. One is a Water Dragon Fae Queen and one is a Fire Dragon Empress.
I thought I’d share some photos and close-ups laced throughout this short update post for you to feel into, as I always find these designs to support threads within the collective layers.
I’ll be working on another here shortly that feels to be a multi-dimensional map of the Great Mystery to navigate by. I’m needing a lot of time to process the intent, vision, and understanding around this, so I’m not sure how long it will take or how it’s going to evolve…It’s quite humbling to be a part of.
And then I’ll be moving into a very special Intentional Art painting I’ll be working on that has very deep purpose and that I’m almost overwhelmed by the invitation to have honor to create. Again, very humbled by this project and with both, hoping and trusting that I can access the channel to bring through the highest vision for each. They both feel to be a challenge that will stretch me into a new layer of growth.
After that returning to a final sacred design piece meant to weave into a previous story…ought to be fun, fun, FUN!
I don’t know how much I’ll complete of these in the next three weeks, but likely I’ll have at least the first design done and initiate a beginning with the next.
I’m not feeling called to reopen custom sacred tattoo designs or intentional art designs/creations, as I have enough on my plate and while enormously nurturing to my creative side, they also take a lot of focus and energy. So, I’ll be continuing to take a break on these indefinitely.
One of the updates to share is about the 2021 new classes. The Intuition and Reiki class was previously scheduled for February 7th, but I had to change the date in order to support the signs coming through and some unexpected shifts. I was very grateful that the students already signed up were in alignment with the changes, and in many cases relieved. I got the sense that what unfolded was because February was a month needed to continue to integrate, complete, and rest, before beginning the new.
This change ended up creating a shift to both classes, as I felt guided to switch out the March 14th class with the Intuition and Reiki one and move forward the Crystal Healing & Reiki class from that day to later in March.
So the current line-up is now Intuition and Reiki on March 14th and Crystal Healing & Reiki on March 28th – each taking place within a New and Full Moon energy doorway.
These classes can be found here: 2021 Classes & Upcoming Events
Only the Crystal Healing & Reiki class has some openings, so if the first date didn’t work for you, perhaps the new one will.
You do need to have had Reiki training in order to take these classes, as we will be working with symbols in conjunction with the material.
If you have any questions about these, please Contact Me.
I’ve been receiving inquiries about sessions and when I might open these up again. I’ve needed to close them so as not to take on too much while creating space for myself during our time away. So, I’ve only been finishing to work with clients that started up with me before the start of 2021.
That said, I’m going to reopen sessions in March, but just for that month to support those of you who have asked about this, anyone who wants a check-in about where you’re at with things, or help with finalizing any healing changes you’re making or next step shifts toward your goals.
Come April, I’m shifting gears in order to have time to devote to where I’m guided, so if you want to get on the calendar for March please book your sessions now so we can assure the days and times that work mutually will be available.
You will find two options of sessions at this page: Intuitive Energy Guide One-On-One Sessions to include either a One Hour Optimizing Session without Reiki or a One-Hour Optimizing Session with Reiki Healing Attunement.
Unfortunately, I’m unable to offer any discounts at this time, but there are session bundle options that are discounted if you decide you’d like more than one. If you don’t find the number of sessions that work for you on that page, please contact me so I can create a special package with you. And please contact me also if you have any questions.
If you feel you want a larger bundle of sessions and are wondering how that works if I’m only opening for March – in these cases only, if our work together extends past March to complete your package that will be the exception. But again, we need to get these on the calendar as soon as you book so I can map out my schedule because I will have more limitations once we get into April.
Another thing I wanted to address, since I had a couple of emails about this, is Online Reiki Classes.
I didn’t have any particular plan with this for 2021, but if enough people are seriously committed, I am open to considering to put together a Reiki Level 1 Class – the sooner the better (I may be able to do something in the first half of April since I have two classes in March already). Please Contact Me as soon as possible if this calls to you, so I can assess whether or not it makes sense to try to schedule something around my projects.
If there’s a big nudge like last year’s clear one of people feeling the same level of importance that opening to this path and raising their vibration at this time would mean to them, then I’m sure I’ll receive the message and it will be obvious how it works into my plans already.
Another option could be to train with one of my students who is already teaching, or is about to teach, if I turn out unable to do this in a time period that is mutually supportive. In this case, I could put you in touch with the teacher I feel matches you most energetically, or provide you with a couple of teacher options that you could connect with to see who calls to you.
And last, I keep mentioning that April will be the shifting month for me where my schedule will be limited due to transitioning into a new mode. Some of that involves personal projects and the other portion of that is looking to involve a very limited and exclusive 1:1 offering I mentioned before: The Mentor Muse ~ Guiding Inspiration for Life’s Work Alignment.
This will be the only service I’ll be offering, other than the potential online Reiki class, after March. In fact, April will likely be the launch. I’m still working on the details to create a separate web page for, but here’s a reiteration of what this basically will involve:
This will be the most intensive and exclusive one-on-one offering for supporting a comprehensive approach to manifesting a new path that turns your purpose and passions into your career, while also transforming your life so you experience the fullest expression of your spirit potential right now. Because of the intimate level of highly-focused, consistent work this will involve over the course of a longer period of time, it will be devoted to only three people. This will include a set number of Zoom, Facebook Messenger, and/or phone sessions over the course of our work together, weekly check-ins, unlimited email support, individualized processes and customized material to support each person. I’ve thought about this a lot and I don’t believe there are cookie-cutter ways and programs, as each person has their own energetic frequency that works uniquely, so this is not going to be a standardized module program like you might find elsewhere. I’ll work with each person organically to devise our approach for helping you with your goals.
I’m planning to have a short application for you to fill out with the potential of a free 10 minute call to make sure that this is the right fit for both of us.
If this has been of interest please Contact Me and you’ll be the first to receive info once it’s ready to go.
And that’s a little update on the other side of life for me, since I’ve been sharing mostly about our adventure away and the growth it’s offered both me and Astrid.
I hope everyone had a sweet Love Day yesterday and did something extra special for yourself, as being in a relationship with other is not what Love is only about. It’s about the relationship you have with yourself and sharing love with you, now and always. The rest will be a reflection of that.
Winter Wonderland wishes of magick and warmth for a Happy Love Day from our hearts to yours 💙 May you discover the source of love beginning with you and may every day be an invitation to open your heart more, share kindness, be compassionate, look through eyes of wonder and find the gifts and joy where no one else does, and blossom even though the frost has set in. ❄
Enjoy this stroll through the enchanted forest here we’ve been enjoying. These are from yesterday’s snow shoeing adventure about a mile and a half further up from our regular snow shoe area, where we found another interesting twin marker like I shared before (Sasquatch?) amidst the magick. I love the green bursts of life peeking through the flocking.
Love, wonder, and giggles to all!
On yesterday’s Chinese New Year of the Ox (my native zodiac), day thirty of skiing this Winter season, while protected and overseen by Ullr, the Norse God of Snow, I hit a milestone on my journey with fear. The fear I’m referring to has to do with heights associated with being on edges like riding chair lifts and skiing down mountain runs. The milestone was going down a Black Diamond run for the very first time and having fun doing it.
For anyone new to skiing, as I was, ski slope colors refer to the steepness of the gradient and the level of difficulty. Green is Beginner, Blue is Intermediate, and Black is Expert. That said, there are many levels in between and these are very loose terms in my opinion, as I see people of all levels on various runs. Also, you don’t have to be what you think might be considered an “expert” to go on a Black Diamond run. You simply, in my opinion, need to have courage, but indeed you need to have some level of skill to safely get down, especially in terms of turning and being in control. “Double” of any color means more challenging…for instance a Double Green is more like a Blue or Intermediate with more steepness, and so on. I find also that every ski resort has different ideas about what they think each level is and where you might not feel comfortable on some in one resort, on others you would. So you need to ask questions to the staff and explore for yourself. Also, I find some Green runs at resorts to mostly be cat tracks – paths used to move around the mountain, rather than actual runs. I tend to not like these and don’t consider them really great for learning to ski because they are narrow and don’t really allow for turns and practice. And if conditions aren’t great, they can be icy too. That said, they ARE sometimes the only way down the mountain so are necessary to be familiar with.
If I had to label my level of skiing I’d say I’m at the beginning end of Intermediate. However, I like how Jeffrey Weidel breaks down the three main color-coded levels further into nine levels, which speaks to me more. According to his breakdown, I’m at Level 4, edging ever-so slowly into Level 5.
But these are just ways of understanding categories and to give you a little understanding of things in reference to the main theme here – working with fear.
So, back to that milestone I hit yesterday, which to me isn’t just about a fear of heights and edges, but spoke to my making friends with fear in general and how I have been teaching myself to navigate it on my own terms.
As I mentioned in my last blog, “my skiing approach is one of enjoyment, not achievement.” And this has been the key for me in how to reprogram fear, no matter what the fear involves.
It’s also about honoring my needs and supporting that.
Rather than take something I’m afraid of and try to make it a system of how to progress to achieve a certain level or status, I’ve made it purely fun without any agenda, and my learning to be something I’ve decided to be my own coach of so that I can provide the kind of nurturing and motivation I know speaks to my inner little girl – a marriage of the wise adult and the innocent child. I become my own parent or instructor based on the knowledge of my fears and how I can engage them to feel safe and join me, rather than want to run away.
That doesn’t mean that getting a good ski instructor isn’t a good idea. Ski instructors are great no matter what level you’re at, to help refresh or take you to new levels. However, I’ve found that for me at this point, my own coaching is most nurturing, as part of the repatterning I am doing has to do with my approach to things. So, having someone overseeing and controlling that right now isn’t helpful. I have had a few instructors in the past and retained the basics from them, but I also learned from those experiences that this is the more supportive approach right now for me. I also learned a lot more by skiing with Dave and what he’s shown me. He’s an amazing skier. So with the basics, I’ve been able to formulate my process intuitively and gently support growth.
You see, in the past I learned to “perform” and in many cases push through something with an old “race horse” mentality that quite literally was engrained within my soul history from lives as just that. It wasn’t about how I felt, but what I felt I needed to do – in many cases being for someone else and not myself. It was that old “suck it up” and dishonor what your feelings and process are, in place of what you are either told you should do, or is driven only by achieving.
I began to slowly reprogram that approach nearly 15 years ago, upon discovering it, but skiing has been the best gauge of change with this for me and the biggest leaps of progress from my work have come in the last few years. And this year, when the opportunity came from this Winter immersion adventure we’ve been on, I’ve been able to really bear witness to my process because of having so many consecutive days of skiing.
The most I’d ever skied in a season, previous to now, was sixteen days. The last two years sixteen days was my max and previous to that in the first years of my starting at this I had only skied a handful of days each season. Not enough to really shift a pattern. And with thirty days under my belt this year, it’s provided that consistent focus and commitment I believe anything takes if you really want to change something. I still have another fifteen possible days to add to this for 2021. So this year really is monumental for supporting transformation.
Without going into all of the details of how I’ve been retraining myself, my basic approach is to honor my feelings, consistently repeat runs over and over and over in a flowing way at levels I feel comfortable with that have a slight stretch to them (in this way making them feel more natural to me and giving me lots of repetitive practice), taking my time, enjoying nature all around me, staying ultra present, talking gently to myself and even giggling the whole way to help make adjustments where needed and to keep things light, pausing to take it all in, and celebrating the moments.
I explore different little off-sections of trails to introduce change so that I can feel the unknown a bit, but at my own choice. And when there’s a slightly more challenging run connected to my path, I will slowly introduce it by trying it once in between my runs. Even if I don’t do it again, it’s my way of stretching into the new space to support growth. Usually what I find is that when I do that, I actually return to my usual run with greater ease, skill and confidence. And if I feel like something isn’t going right or I don’t like the runs or conditions, I will not push anything. I do only what I feel safe and comfortable with, then stop.
Since skiing doesn’t come natural to me, being that I didn’t grow up doing it and don’t have any muscle memory, as they say, for it, I am having to create that now.
But the key in all of this is enjoying the process. If it’s not fun, then it becomes work and feels like the old way of force.
This is why I will also stop along the way to take in sights I see, explore, notice the details of the terrain and little fun things like the Gnomes you saw in my last post.
And yesterday was proof that my confidence and relationship to fear had shifted hugely when I decided to try the Black Diamond run.
There was build-up to this, as several days ago we were skiing at this same resort and I overhead some guys telling their girlfriend that the Black Diamond run next to where I was skiing was considered an “easy” Black run. Normally that wouldn’t get my attention, as I would have a huge block to Black. And many times I have the same block to a lot of the Blue runs too. So, I spent my day observing the Black run they mentioned while I rode up the ski lift because I could see the whole thing from that vantage point. I kept taking in the pitch of the slope, watched people ski down it at various levels including my own, and mentally was processing it.
I told Dave about it after we left the resort that day and that I was curious about trying it, but didn’t want to do it alone if I did. I never like to be on something steep by myself in case I fall.
On Friday we were actually supposed to go to a different resort – you have to make reservations with Covid – but due to snowy weather and the longer drive to that resort we decided to cancel and go back to the place that had the curious Black Diamond run and where Ullr, the Norse God of Snow directs his guardian aim because it was closer.
After skiing the runs I practice on for a bit, I asked Dave to try the Black run and tell me what he thought. He did and I remained curious. I didn’t feel a block or a huge “no” in me, but continued to have curiosity and felt like it was a good chance to try something more difficult. I felt that there was reason I had overhead the other people mention it, as if I hadn’t heard that I wouldn’t have thought it possible. And the only reason I was curious was because they said it was an easy Black Diamond, which Dave confirmed. Plus, I obviously had built up courage from all of my consistent practice.
That said, I still knew I was in for some steep terrain. However, I’ve been practicing like heck and feel confident with my control and turns even if not done like a graceful swan. I also had just gotten my skis tuned up and they felt better than ever to carve those turns.
So, I went for it. On my own accord. It wasn’t anyone else’s idea. I wasn’t forced. I chose it and was curious about it. Curiosity invites wonder and innocence to stay with us and softens the seriousness or feeling of pressure.
And off I went, with Dave staying with me to the side just in case.
In the past I would have froze, cried, stopped and took my skis off and walked down, or perhaps even fallen.
None of these happened and in fact I saw how both my practice had supported my ability to make slow, in control turns and my consistency and fun approach took the edge off of fear.
I still felt my heart beat, but I knew I could do it and I did. I was in control of my experience.
It was a huge celebration of what for me was monumental in experiencing the shift that had taken place.
I returned to the run I was doing before it and I saw how much better and even quicker I was getting down, after stretching my curiosity on the Black Diamond run.
I celebrated my milestone and Dave did too.
This is a post about possibility.
That you can learn anything at any age – I’ll be 48 in just a couple of weeks and didn’t start to really ski until my 40’s.
That you can move through any fear – my fear of heights is not little, but I’ve learned to find ways to walk hand-in-hand with it, rather than push it away or avoid it.