So today I began a new rebirthing cycle, as I celebrated another year upon this Earth plane. And it was like any other day-in-the-life of me, with the added infusion of a little extra self-honoring and gratitude I chose to gift myself with.
Yet, it seems that the Universe had it’s own surprises in store, including one of the things I’ve been wishing to do for a while – to kiss a Starfish.
But let me step back for a moment to share a few thoughts that have been percolating the last few weeks.
For one, I’ve been reflecting on how excited I’ve been to continue moving forward in my life and now on my way to 50. I know that may sound strange to some, but I smile and giggle each time I think of my chronological age.
I have no concept of what 50 is “supposed” to be, however I do know that 50 in my world, or any other age for that matter, is simply how I feel and express myself at any given point of experience.
So turning 41 today, to me, is no different than being 5, or 11, 23, 75, or even 11,000 years of age. As, for me, I know that my soul is eternal and timeless and that I both exist as ancient and freshly new, simultaneously in each and every now moment. This is because we are the ever-shifting Source constantly recreating itself, but that always is and always will be.
All I know is this experience of what I am feeling and seeing through my eyes right now. The only difference between now and then, or later, is the seasons of change my physical Earth body may go through, but my feelings, thoughts, and Cosmic soul essence are as alive and vibrant as the Source from which they emerge. And these things will actually reflect in your physical body and how it “ages” as well.
I wrote a blog last year on turning 40 that you may enjoy, so I don’t really want to recap much from that, but I will share a few thoughts that have stuck out to me recently as focal points.
The more I vulnerably open and deepen into natural and relaxed harmony of my personal and home frequency, the more I realize things that take me out of the experiences I hear about and observe around me. It’s not that I am not aware of things, but I simply don’t experience the things in the same way that others may be experiencing what is surrounding their external world, and in many cases am experiencing completely different things.
That said, I certainly do understand why we have certain feelings and reactions to things, but there’s increasingly become an experience of feeling peace with everything and being able to create a different reality that exists parallel or, say, overlapping to the one around me.
I hear from others that this is also increasingly their own experience. And while we are sharing this journey together, it is indeed becoming more and more clear just how much we can affect and shape our world and our experience of it, merely through our own internal reflections, choices, and integrative processes.
All of it being beautiful and perfect, without judgment, rights or wrongs, nor higher, better, lower, or worse. Simply different ways to create what we choose to experience for experience sake and to assist Source with learning about itself and the infinite possibilities that are its/our free will to walk in.
These choices and growth cycles come with times of contraction, in order to create huge spurts of expansion. Within the contracting may be pains, facing fears, and feeling the challenges to their depths, but then that naturally comes with the counterparts to all of these, as we partner in the dance of life and make leaps forward, sideways, and ALL ways. And this natural pulsing of going within, then emanates more largely with each cycle, as it begins to remember and experience the fullness of All That Is while still enjoying every unique expression within that Source field.
At times we dip into the shared pool of experience in all ways – this being when we feel things that feel foreign to our natural frequency that provide us moments of moving in and out of these feelings at conscious will – and then we expand out in a way that encapsulates the pool, hence able to observe and interact with all of it, but as a loving bubble who has the ability to hold the space for the next wave of contractions to expand from the pool within.
Perhaps that’s more esoteric than I had planned to be, but I have also learned to go with whatever wants to be expressed in the moment without filtering.
That leads me to another thing I have been pondering, which is this natural self-expression I have increasingly, over time, experienced with utter gratitude. The “older” I have grown, the more I have stepped into this and for this reason also, I honor the years I’ve grown into and that are yet to come, as each one keeps revealing more and more beauty I am enjoying to experience and share with others.
There was once a time I would have censored my words, thoughts, and feelings, perhaps afraid to state them for what people might think, because I lacked the confidence to just say what I felt, the courage to stand out if that in fact would be the result, to not hurt others by my way of being a truth revealer that always felt things as they actually were and not what others were telling me, and was very scared to reveal my vulnerability and share the depths of me because I may get hurt.
There was once a time I cringed to share my art with others and even my very first website was something I was really shy to share even with dear friends because it was the first time I put myself out there in a way that said, “here is who I am and who you never knew I really was.”
I’ve also been pondering the “definitions” we have and create around everything. While I am grateful for the opportunity to express myself verbally and in writing and to be able to write in ways and in a language that others can understand and perhaps find valuable, supportive, or inspiring in some way, I will time and time again admit how much I also feel that words are far too limiting and can be a form of entrapment for us.
I see this so much, as people get hung up on words that people use, especially when in writing, since we can’t see the person saying them, don’t know for sure that person’s meaning, and have our own learned and conditioned beliefs and definitions about words and expressions that we have come to understand over time and that can trigger responses from past experiences with them.
I find that people easily can focus on one or two words and miss the bigger picture, because those words stand out for any or all of the reasons I just gave.
Because of where we are in each moment, what we read or hear will always have different meaning for us as well, and which of course is part of the beauty and value, as we can learn and grow with every word spoken or read.
We all have different filtering and interpretation systems and so it is nearly impossible to say or write something that will always be taken in exactly the way we intend and hope it to be. But what I have learned is that it really doesn’t ultimately matter, and while I prefer telepathy and/or using things like sound, music, art, and symbolism to project the essence of what I am wanting to convey from my heart, it simply is important to be expressing what you feel in each moment from your heart. And, to detach from judging or worrying about how all the different ways what you say may be taken, as you will never know that. You can only be as responsibly committed to speaking your authenticity and using present, wise-discernment based on your own knowledge of your processes and how you react to things.
I have learned to share what feels important in each moment and to realize that the next moment I may feel completely different. Why? Because I recognize that my writing or speaking is a form of processing, healing, and integrating…it’s just energy being energy, which simply wants to be expressed, but never intended to be attached to, judged, repressed, or blocked.
So I have become accustomed to realizing I will change moment to moment, day to day, month to month, etc – just as Nature does. And to let go of worrying or wondering how that will be seen or experienced by others. I’ve learned, as I’ve grown, to just move from moment to moment and embrace that it doesn’t ever really matter if others understand my ever-shifting expressions, life choices, and experiences. I’ve learned to live my life out loud, and to recognize and accept the world as my classroom, rather than the inside of my bedroom or mind to solely be that.
I’ve come to be okay with making so-called “mistakes”, stumbling, looking awkward as I grow, or saying something that makes no sense in my spiral efforts to keep moving energy in order to flow into the next phase of my growth expansion and experience.
And while I do this, I also do my best to support others to do the same and remind myself that they are merely spiraling along their own contractions and expansions to embrace more of their own pulsing hearts.
There are a lot of things that have been on my mind, and likely they will show up in future blogs, as they each could have their own story, but these for now felt to stand out to share as part of the journey in arriving to this 41st Birthday and into my 42nd Earth year of this life.
I feel it is so vital to open ourselves up more and more, so that we are ready and willing to receive all that is innately abundant and available to us. Once we are in alignment with the essence of Source that runs through our individual expressions, we will find life to flow in synchronous, harmonious, and miraculous ways. It is this Divine self within that knows, and within that knowing is also the ability to discern and dissolve patterns that will not only free you, but your entire lineage, since we are connected and every effort trickles out.
Revealing your truth is scary, I know, but it is more scary NOT to and to experience all that comes along with not doing so, than it is to take that step over the threshold of fear.
I experienced some symbolic potency over the last couple of weeks that included getting my last magickal tattoo, having a very expansive growth experience skiing and utilizing Reiki to support my challenges with it, feeling a huge download and shift take place while a coyote spoke outside my open window, moths all over the inside of my car yesterday (my vehicle in life – symbolic of me while moths have their own magickal symbolism), a dream last night where a bobcat (an advanced teacher definitely assisting the next stage of this journey) was standing and walking on top of my body while I slept and another dream where I was calling in to a radio show prompted by waiting for the exact timing, which got me through immediately and with the right answer to win, celebrating one of my greatest birthday gifts two days ago with the 5th anniversary of Joy coming home with me, and today ending with a prompting to go to my favorite beach by myself in the middle of my “normal” day and being gifted a baby Starfish, literally stumbling upon and surprising a Great Blue Heron, a Sealion swimming by me, an Ocean kiss from a wave that drenched me, and finishing off with two guys singing on the beach with their guitars as I walked by with the words “It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day!” floating through my ears, and ending with my Hawk friend waiting for me on the light post near my home, as I returned there.
And if you know the lyrics to this song, it definitely has some powerful symbolism. If you don’t, sing these with me:
“I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all the obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day. I think I can make it now, the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for. It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.”
As I just finished writing that I just got a surprise dozen red roses. Feeling truly grateful and filled with love enough to make my heart burst wider!
And that leads me to how I first started this post, and with the surprise gift I mentioned the Universe gave me.
When I first got to the beach I thought to myself, “It sure would be awesome to see a Starfish friend.” And literally 10 seconds later one little baby one – smallest I’ve seen – revealed itself to me. It was the only one during the 2 hours I was there that I saw and it was in the most hidden place that no one would have seen. I was so grateful, and that magick continued with the encounters shared above.
I had always had the intention of wanting to kiss one of my Starfish friends to show them my love and appreciation for the joy they bring me when they show up.
So I intended this to be before I left the beach.
When I got back to the place the Starfish was, the tide was now much higher and waves were rolling in over the rocks it was at. I had my Lapis Lazuli with me and had along the way found this beautiful translucent icy stone I intended to leave as a gift for the Starfish. I also intended to kiss it, as well as let it sit and absorb some of the Lapis Lazuli’s energy I had been working with along my walk.
So I stood with water knee deep, waiting for the waves to roll out and in between each time I laid my Lapis with it, then the next time buried the stone gift next to it, and the last time got on my knees, bent down, and kissed it lovingly. The next thing that happened was a wave came crashing in and kissed me. 🙂 Happy Birthday indeed.
I feel that everything experienced is such an amazing gift. Even when things go “not as we planned” and don’t feel so good, it is such a gift too – and that includes when “waves come crashing down upon us”. We just don’t realize it in that moment, but later, we come to see it simply as that contraction, like the waves going out, and that expansion, like the waves crashing with exuberance back in.
I’d like to close this off with the words from the birthday card my parents sent me, which were so meaningful to me. My parents have experienced me in all of my crazy, weird, quirky, colorful, lows and highs and didn’t always understand me, nor did they always feel as they do now. But as you read these words of their card, you’ll not only see how when we make the changes to embrace and stand in our authenticity that we affect others in doing the same and/or to see you in the light of the beauty you really are, but you will also come to see a very brief (but MUCH layered) summary of the things I have moved through with great challenge, and now with much larger embrace, to this 41st year I walk in.
For Our Daughter:
Strength to try anything,
talent to succeed,
courage enough to fail,
wisdom to learn,
and resilience to bounce back
these are the things
that make you who you are.
We’ll always be proud of you.
I am keeping my heart open and embracing the fortuitous waves that I trust will lap on my shores, the more that I do. 🙂